Monday, September 25

Take A Load Off

Guys what do you do when you hurt someone? And if someone else hurt you, how do you forgive that person? It's hard isnt it. Most of the time you just can't take away the hurt caused cos the other person is not willing to understand/forgive you. Sometimes it's hard cos nothing you do would really take away the hurt (maybe the hurt caused was too big). What do you do then? As much as others have hurt me in many different ways in my life, I'm not afraid to admit that I have hurt others too. That makes me human but surely it doesn't give me an excuse to continue doing so. We all hurt each other (intentionally or not) but we must always learn lessons from each of our mistakes in life, so that we don't cause the same kind of hurt again. And when we do hurt someone, what's important is to realise that we were in the wrong. Alot of people go on trying to defend themselves even when they were the ones who caused the hurt. I have done that too. But later on I have realised that I was wrong - and that realisation is very important. We get carried away with our ego/pride that we don't want to admit we are wrong, even if we were truly wrong. Ok why all of this on Mon morning? Cos I lost it with my mum last night and we had a small argument. So I switched off theTV, stormed out of the living room and went to bed straight away. That was my way of dealing with it. And I usually don't go to bed like that - cos me and my mum are like best friends and we chat for a long time every night before going to sleep. So last night I couldnt sleep at all. And why couldn't I sleep? Cos I WAS WRONG and it felt like I was a whole lot heavier than usual! And I shouldn't have gone to bed without making up with her. I was feeling very uncomfortable cos I was thinking what if something happened to my mum tonite and I never got to say Sorry! I know that's extreme worrying but you never know right? So I wanted to get up and go to her bed and give her a hug - I looked at the clock it was 1am and I know my mum would kill me if I go disturb her then hehe. So I didn't. I whispered a little prayer and went back to sleep. This morning when I woke up in a hurry, I ran to her as she was doing something in the kitchen, I hugged her from behind and I said 'Mum I'm really sorry for behaving that way last night!'. She was smiling and saying 'I know your silly temper, go now and get ready for work'. I had tears in my eyes. Aren't mothers always so forgiving? So why can't we forgive our friends this way too? Mostly forgive ourselves too. I know it all depends on the nature and the size of the hurt but if mums can always forgive their kids, why can't we have that kind of heart too? Saying Sorry and Forgiving...both has to be genuine though. It has to work both ways or your burden won't be taken away from both sides. Say Sorry for lies and see how bad you'd still feel. Also Forgive for lies and see how bad you'd still feel. Last night I was genuinely Sorry and I know that my mum genuinely Forgave me too. And that's why I'm so happy and feel relieved this morning. They say it's easier to forgive than to forget. That's true. But I think if you genuinely feel Sorry and the other person can genuinely Forgive, then it's easier to forget too. Why carry a load when you can take it off by saying Sorry and Forgiving each other? I know of people who are angry for years with each other over silly matters. It's crazy or what! Apparently long-term baggage can lead to heart disease and other physical illnesses. Now do you want that? No one wants that so why put yourself through trauma like that? Now I know it's not thaaaat easy to say sorry/forgive, but then think about it this way. Do you want to carry that kind of guilt/anger/hurt for so long even at the risk of your health? Do you want to carry that kind of guilt/anger/hurt to your grave? if you or the other person die before you could reconcile, what have you achieved? Chances are the other person is hurt as much as you are too. Everybody hurts, so let's realise that first.

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack on your back for life? How stressed you'd be and how badly would that load affect your health both in and out. By saying Sorry and Forgiving each other, trust me you'd feel like that massive backpack is taken off your back. That helps your body and mind to relax and as a result you'd be healthy too, so will be the other person. So folks, ring up that friend you hadn't spoken for a long time even if she/he may be the one who should ring you. Send a 'I'm really sorry' card to the person you hurt last week. Buy some flowers on the way home tonite to say how you feel about a loved-one at home. Give a hug. Take someone out for dinner if you feel she/he needs to be shown how you feel. And if you didn't get a chance at all to say sorry to/forgive that someone who's not alive anymore, say a little prayer and do something special in her/his memory today. Folks say your dues today. The wait is a weight.

BTW guys I saw REM perform this song LIVE when they were in Sydney couple of years ago. I was at the concert. It's an amazing song and they are an amazing band. Enjoy!

Current Music: Everybody Hurts by REM

99 Cranium Signets:

uttara said...

keshiiii
am firstttttt
wooo hooo
* fingers crossed*
lol ;)

uttara said...

keshi ..
i simply loved this post.. it says all whateva i have in my mind.. but yes except for one..

**ring up that friend you hadn't spoken for a long time even if she/he may be the one who should ring you

u can be rest assure i will never call up if its aint my mistake.. ( u know this very well )

contradicting my statement.. I hardly act snobbish with my family :)

good one there keshi.. love ya...

Margie said...

Keshi
I really like this post!
I am so glad you made up with your mum... that will keep you happy all day!

Hurts we've caused
can cloud
the brightest day
and yet a forgiving heart
can sweep
all those hurts away.

Nothing is past forgiving
when life is based upon
an undefeated love of living
forgive and forget
let those troubles depart
and you'll carry much joy
within your heart!

Margie:)
P.S Good-night Keshi
Time for bed here.
Have a wonderful day!
Huggggz!

Anonymous said...

Alls well that ends well...:)

SamY said...

** But later on I have realised that I was wrong - and that realisation is very important.

Now is this some way of justifying thyself? :p ... an excuse /:)

** Aren't mothers always so forgiving?

Sometimes I wonder if they have a choice @ all ... but usually they are mature to not be silly as us :D ... dun worry, when u become a mum u'll have u'r big time share of forgiving to do ... he he ;))

** So why can't we forgive our friends this way too?

Coz they ain't ur kids n u dun share that attachment ur mum has 4 u ;)

** Folks say your dues today. The wait is a weight.

waah waah *applause applause* ... what a say :)

I know a friend who goofed up with a v.close friend n keeps cribbing bout it all the while ... always complaining the other person ain't doin enuf #-o ... got tired of putting some sense there ... being too stubborn with close ppl doesn't help

I do rail @ mum sometimes ... but usually I apologize in 5/10 mins :D ... n get scolded for all I did #-o ... I'v learnt to make a quick apology :)

deepsat said...

it doesn't take a moment or anything much to say that little sorry and make up. but many times our ego prevent us from doing so!!

in any argument its the ego that shud be first put aside!!

nice post keshi!! and glad u made up wid ur mom!!

;-))

Aditi said...

Well sometimes its not that easy to forgive someone specially if they are not willing to realize they were wrong or they hurt u..
Sometimes its just easier for friends to walk away after all they are not related. Most people dont treat bonds as importantly u know
just randomg thoughts on an early monday morning

Anonymous said...

Hat's off to you keshi. you know i was just mesmerized while reading this post.
I follow the same thing in my life and "Sorry never seems to b the hardest word for me".:){Even when everyone knows that i m nt at fault}. you know why? coz ppl around me matter a lot for me. And as i've lived max of my life in hostel, for me my friends are everything and i never ever hesitate in feeling sorry.

A very nice blog indeed.:)

desperado said...

boy am i getting good at thinking what song i'll see at the end of d post...first "hello"....now dis...i kinda thought this song just suited d post...n btw its a beautiful song
looks like after tastes in music..mental vibes are matching too ;)..lol

u got to watch REM live...man why am i stuck in dis jungle :(

as for forgiving..only one tiny problem...ego..which disappears when its family...but somehow..doesnt stay away when its frnds..only some frnds dont have it between dem..n den dey too become family

i have had my share of fights wid mom n dad..n dey always forgive....parents have dis quality i guess..i believe u need tht quality to be a good parent

but d sibling fights wid my sis is what i love....hehe

P.S. i believe u know d right places to put flesh on ..now dont u??????

Unknown said...

Well...
momz always forgive...

I have been a jerk... most times... long ago... when I was with my family... hurt em pretty bad... hurt myself pretty bad... walked out on em... and been so shameless @ times... that sometimes I've never said even a sorry! But sometimes it is just so hard... even 2 realize that u r wrong, coz ur senses/wisdom is eclipsed by anger or some negetive emotions... but then.. thats no excuse! I feel really lucky that things cud have been so so bad... and well as of now... I feel nothing is lost... well.. leave aside the fact that we lost a lot of time! but still I have someone whom I cud always go back home 2! thats a wonderful thing to have!

But one thing.. I know I can never change is I chose 2 b a stranger to my family... and I cant' change that... Well... Nothing is impossible... I am gonna change that soon!

One valuable lesson I learnt was... nobody.. I mean nobody can hurt you unless you allow to do so!

messys musings said...

hey k00kie nice post :)))... i feel sorry for all the hurt too.. specially whn i know im wrong.. i cant sleep just like u... it happened a few days bak whn i lied to my frnd.. i smsed him at 5 am to tell him the truth.. but then he was asleep...

i really believe in making up with people u have had hassles with... in jainism every year we have this special day whn we ask for forgiveness from everyone.. b it humans or a little life that we have killed or hurt knowingly or unknowingly... but then most of us just go through the rituals... say sorry one day n next day its the same...the burden goes on getting heavier n heavier... it is said that on this day before u ask for forgiveness from people who u love u shud ask for forgiveness from people u actually have problems with.. thats more important.. forgive n forget... but how many of us keep in mind the 'forget' part?... almost none of us... we never forget the hurt.. we never forget the fights.. we always forget the love they have showered.. the caring they have shown.. isnt that being selfish?...

i ask again... y do we always forget the good part n remember the bad that the person has done to us???

a very sad human trait!

Visithra said...

ure sweet - nice bond there ;)

forgiving lets you move on - being forgiven means the bond gets stronger

Sig said...

This post made me feel so guilty *shamefaced* - only because I always never seem to say sorry at the right time to those I have hurt. Excuses I know...and it you know that one little word could make all the differnce. Make mistakes, realise them and learn. That way they don't end up being mistakes - but experience :)

Russell CJ Duffy said...

good post keshi. saying sorry is the easy bit. meaning it is much harder.

Anonymous said...

tats a honest post....
how many ppl respect/value others feeling?!

to forgive we need lottsa maturity but to say sorry we needn't...

its been loooooooooong time i commented...how ya doing? hows life...
tc!

Cheers!
:)

Himavan said...

Hey Keshi! Very sweet of you and we can see a sweet bond among you and your mom...:) You really explained it very well and it got lotta meaning to understand and apply in our lives!

As you said its easy to be said than done. I saw some relations just strained for years till they are gone forever without saying sorry/forgive....Its just a sad thing! Thats why its important to control emotions and not to feel or make hurt most times even though its cause of our loved ones. If you see practically sometimes its hard to bring back the similar kind of relationship back once you are hurt. Even though you want to reconcile, its others who have to give a thought abt it as well.

I think its not only taking load off but also try not to have such load in first place (which ofcourse not easy sometimes) is important...what ya say??

delhidreams said...

hmmm nice.
it depends on a lot of factrs. but mostly the hurt is within us. we choose to keep it wid us. if i've been hurt, i forgive and if i've hurt someone, i go and sincerely ask for redemption ;)
keeps things clear.
tension kai ku lene ka???

Suman Pant said...

Hey KAP.... i am awake!!!

This post reminded me of the times i fought with my mom and ended up feeling guilty, crying all night :P but no apologies!! i was so silly then!

Regarding frens, i dont bother to make up if its not my fault. :P quite stubborn! But now, i guess with mom, things have cooled, i have to say sorry every day!! :P (Guess what, sometimes mom too comes and says sorry :P haha)

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Hi

I read ur posts on Friday , but was too overloaded to comment. And during the weekend , didnt wanna go anywhere near the PC

I will never apologise unless I'm sure I'm wrong ... , and the person means a lot to me

have a nice day

P.S : I hope i can get more regular soon

Itchingtowrite said...

good one.

dumbdodi said...

Hi Kesh
I too have said things which were rude and hurtful to my parents. Now those incidents keep coming back to me and I feel very guilty. Well I was a teenager and rebellious but I too need to say sorry. I have in many ways.
Great post girl and I am so glad you made up with your mother. Mother is God's best gift to us. Have a good day girl

Parag said...

Moms are the best.. I am sure your mom realised how you felt and how you regretted.. So she was ready to forgive even before you apologized !!
Its not easy to forgive and its even difficult to say "sorry"
I think if we all are considerate of how other people may feel due to our actions and if we do not hurt each other.. then the world would be so nice..
Most "hurt feelings" come out of expectation.. We are hurt because we expect something else.. so the fault lies in US.. and not THEM..
Expect less and be more happy !!

Harry said...

Hi...
Sometimes,v dont wanna sacrifice our egos and landed up at the place where v tend to be narrowly scoped...v start cursing ourselves why I havn't done that...if my frnd do not let his/her ego down,I should have comprised with my egos...I shud have acted sensibly...
Its so gud that u have finally
made up with ur mum...I can understand ur feelings...Keshi,even I feel the same if I do have an altercation with my parents sometimes..I start thinking narrowly..I start feeling bad...I start feeling that I m gud for nothing...and many other things..

All's Well That Ends Well...
Sorry, I cudn't comments in few of ur last articles..U better what the excuse I wil give...

Tkcre..:)

Jeevan said...

I feel so comfort that I haven’t hurt any one and never think to do it. I once had friends, where its the fault is mine of his, we will not tell sorry, just hug and forget it and start playing, roaming out.

Its very sweet that u hug ur mom, have a nice weekdays keshi:)

Madhu said...

keshi, well said. forgiving is prbly the hardest thing to do. i have a big ego and even when i know am wrong i just wont admit it! but slowly am changing, am trying to accept my mistakes...its embarassing accept this publicly but i know that's the truth! reading your post made me feel more human :) thanks a ton!

nice to know u made up with ur mum! sometimes i have made up and sometimes i have totally screwed up the situation cos of my inflated ego! looking back i feel sad for all those times i couldnt ask sorry when i made mistakes but then i have made note not to repeat the same mistake.

Thanks for the post again :)

Anonymous said...

Very well said.

Anonymous said...

Parents usually find it very easy to forgive you, whatever the mistake. And so do close friends...

But usually, we find it harder to forgive than say sorry. And therein lies the problem... when our ego does not get into the way, it's very easy.

Cuckoo said...

Hi,

Here I am again. You are so addictive !!
Nice post & so true. Yes, the word "sorry" shouldn't be made too difficult a word to say.

I have experienced both sides of it many times..forgive and forget is THE key, specially for the ones who matter to you a lot.

Sometime back, one of my friends hurt me very badly (he used to do that quite often & then asks for fogiveness within 2 minutes)..Loll. I was in other country. I was so hurt that I immediately switched off my msn. As always, he realized his mistake & tried his best to contact me thru various means.
When he didn't succeed for 2 full days, he wrote a few lines on his blog feeling guilty of what he had done(he knew I check his blog frequently) and I read those lines crying at my end.. I knew he also must've cried at his.
Only I knew that those lines were for me.

Such is our friendship!!

s0ulasylum said...

heyy there chiquita!! had a good weekend?? :)

this is such a sweet post! loved it ! well.. you cant live ur life.. holding a grudge on someone.. altho speaking for me.. i always always always forgive.. but never forget :) it just does not go away.. i dont know why.. ! u've set me on a thought trail now.. lol!
u have a wonderful week girl! :))

Anonymous said...

Excellent metaphor with the backpack. I wonder how many I have been carrying that I'm not even aware of. You do have a way with words my dear sweet southern angel. :-)

mommyof2 said...

good one:-) I think if someone will hug & ask for forgiveness, we can forgive them even before they ask for it:-)A big hug is all you need to show how you feel..

Rupali_Srivastava said...

Beautifully written Keshi!

Schrodingers cat said...

hmm...unless we drop all expectations in a relationship, its not gonna work. Initially in any relationship, we try to make it work and hide our real face behind a mask. But we cant do it forever and once we show our real face, the 'others' want us to change, and the integrity of your soul wont allow you to. So I guess stopping trying to change others will help us avoid all the heartbreaks and apologies. But thats just me...I might be wrong.

M.

Kavi said...

hey Keshi !

Saying 'sorry' sometimes makes swallowing difficult. Ego, pride are at stake in the 'materialistic' world.

Am glad you made up with your mom, and am so happy for the relationship that you share !

I liked the line "The wait is a weight". Makes me go wow !

Kavi said...

hey Keshi !

Saying 'sorry' sometimes makes swallowing difficult. Ego, pride are at stake in the 'materialistic' world.

Am glad you made up with your mom, and am so happy for the relationship that you share !

I liked the line "The wait is a weight". Makes me go wow !

Anonymous said...

u shld see the new movie LAge Raho Munnabhai.. saying sorry is the most difficult thing in this world but the best thing to clear up ur conscience

i would recommend ur mum to give u a heavy dosage of loud tamil movies .. muahahahaha!! :D

La vida Loca said...

beautiful post Keshi.
I couldn't agree more

Unknown said...

My mother often told me, “You know, Niks, it takes the very best of a person to love and understand the other—--even when the volcano inside you kicks like hell.”

Keshi,

When a person has his guard down (and it sure is when anger grips him), then the person inside is exposed - uncovered - revealed.

KK said...

Fantastic post Keshi! I am a firm believer in this. I generally try not to hurt anyone, but incase I do, I surely know that I hurt that person, so I go and tell my sorry to them once I become cool. But if the person is not ready to forgive, I just leave it to them.
I feel we cant be forgiving like our mom's because thats the specialty of motherly love.

Ashes said...

it's a long time.But you haven't changed Keshi.and it's a compliment.sometimes we take change as something 'positive',something to welcome.But i look for a changeless core in things/beings.Your's is beautiful and clean.

Pallavi said...

You are right. Expressing affection is the best thing in the world.

Twisted DNA said...

The backpack is a very good metaphor. What you said comes into a very good context in marriage. The reason a lot of couples end up distanced from each other is because they don't follow what you mentioned, viz. making up with each other.

If know I hurt somebody I would try everyway I can to ease it. But my worry is hurting somebody unintentionally. I hope I have a way of knowing all the people I caused pain to so I can go fix it.

Sugababee said...

Hey Kesh!!!
How u doing? Been a while eh;)
Hope u doin alright...

I love this post n funny thing.. I'm like in a wow state right now...
I just finished reading this post and was on my way to commenting and the phone rang... it was my friend who has been upset with me for a lil bit now and we haven't been talking. She called and we juss talked n everythign was alright... it was a silent forgiving almost..
Lol but what timing eh.. so yeh I'm totally with u on this one Kesh ;) Life's too short to be upset at people... shit happens; move on:)

oOo and btw look at u miss hotty@ the pics below:p

Sugababee said...

Hey Kesh!!!
How u doing? Been a while eh;)
Hope u doin alright...

I love this post n funny thing.. I'm like in a wow state right now...
I just finished reading this post and was on my way to commenting and the phone rang... it was my friend who has been upset with me for a lil bit now and we haven't been talking. She called and we juss talked n everythign was alright... it was a silent forgiving almost..
Lol but what timing eh.. so yeh I'm totally with u on this one Kesh ;) Life's too short to be upset at people... shit happens; move on:)

oOo and btw look at u miss hotty@ the pics below:p

AnonymousBlogger said...

Well Keshi, like you said. We've all been there. What can you do? It happens to all of us.

Thankfully it was you mom, and it's like her job to forgive you. Those who aren't related to us tend to be less forgiving.

This sort of thing is just human nature. When things like this happen, I think it's best to forget about it and move on.

The more you think about it, the more it eats you up, and that isn't healthy.

think said...

Keshi: If sorry and thank you are not taught by your parents, growup seeing others good behavior.
For some saying that becomes a matter of ego and do not let go of such abd feelings. What takes them to divide and hurt others. Saddist people live everywhere when they cannot control themselves and fight against it.
Few simple words can make a persons life better.....

Autumn Storm said...

Such a wonderful song, lucky you to have seen it performed live!

Good choice of subject matter, as always :-), something to chew and mull over.
Being hurt: Forgiveness is as much to do with us as them. The weight that you mention bascially. How can we be peaceful, if there is that kind of hurt and anger stewing around inside.
Hurting: Absolutely, seek forgiveness, disregard any of the reasons that might stop one from doing so, to know one has caused pain is to hurt too.

Plus Ultra said...

Forgiveness is very nourishing, it makes you grow as much as it releases you from a prison....go on forgive yourself and someone else today....you will be surprised at the results, great write

WithinWithout said...

Hi Keshi...

All of what you say is true and right. We all hurt some people sometimes, like REM sings.

But there has to be enough of a bond there to begin with, a feeling that you definitely can't do without or don't want to do without that other person as a friend, as a lover or whatever.

As far as your mom goes, a love between a mom or dad and their child, if it's a good relationship, is unconditional.

:-)

Anonymous said...

Ohh i missed fightin' w/ Mom too ;( that after 2-3 hours of not talking... ill ask her "Mom whats for dinner? and she will look at me like " hey i thought ur angry??" and will answer " what do u want to eat kathy?" aww and i will hug her like u do.... and will say " Mom im sorry!" and she will just say " ok.. get the vegetables on fridge and help me prepare dinner" and were both smilin' ^_^ ! i think fightin' is also love and we need that spice in our everyday life though sometimes were gettin' rude in our words na.
So see to it that we say sorry and make up for the mistake we've done!
And i dun have any problem saying sorry so i dun understand people who hardly say the word, to the extend that makin' someone upset.
Say it, when u mean it... just like that ^_^

... hows u dear?wake up on the right side of the bed? hehe... give my hug to Mom muaahh!

have a great week ahead! miss ya...

cheers**

Jim said...

U silly girls

u dont have to make a conscious attempt to forget the hurt

u dont have to forgive
perhaps u r mistaken

perhaps he has to forgive u
its a point of view and perception

perceptions can be erroneous

u must just not loose your cool
and hate is a debillitating emotion

unlike love

so love your enemies
pray for those who persecute u

-says Jesus

this statement has been validated by psychologists and shrinks

Jim said...

i am in the rong profession
i cud have have been a Deepak Chopra
or a PADRE

Jim said...

ASHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
damn

where u been all dis while?

Alex said...

Keshi,
I missed a lot of your posts as i had been busy. Great way to start the week, with forgiveness.
Its mainly because of ones ego that saying sorry becomes so difficult.
Those of us who have realised their mistakes ought to own up as there are many who hurt others and dont realise it.

La vida Loca said...

oh gal..cant find intelligent design 1011..please help :)

Sujit said...

very nice!.. but it also depends on your freinds!.. like you are worng.. and your freinds say that you weren;t worng.. you tend to think in their way and get lost of the entire situation!..isn't so?..

fo instance.. your party thing!.. if all the fellow people said you did right thing.. then would you might have gone?..

Raju said...

I went to starry night's post then came here....now I miss my mommy!

LERA said...

keshi, nice post with a beautiful expression,we've heard of forgiving but not forgetting as the most cliched expression people use..how many of us get a clear picture of what is involved in forgiving and forgetting..? It takes a rare person to forgive & also forget the faults, mistakes or misdeeds with a genuine act of compassion & gentleness to rebuild & reconnect,I wish the world to be filled with such people...:)

Romeo Morningwood said...

First;
The Mother/Daughter relationship is the most powerful, complex and volatile bond on the planet. You are so lucky to have a close bond with your Mom..

it's hard for her to watch you grow up and let go and yet it is the most rewarding thing that she will ever experience in her life..

she wants everything in your life to be wonderful but she knows that there are always tough issues to deal with along the way..

she wants to protect you but knows that you have to make your own mistakes

Secondly;
A comedian once said that it dumb to carry a grudge because while you are lugging that grudge around and being miserable..the other guy is out dancing

Thirdly;
Hopefully as we age we also mature.
Sometimes relationships cannot be fully repaired because it takes two people to make it work. Life is not all about ME and we have to share the planet with others..the ones worth keeping deserve a second chance and often a third. In the end it is always about the other people in your life that make it special...

Fourth;
For whatever reason admitting that they are wrong is impossible for some people. It feels sooo good to dump that sack of crap off of your shoulders..if you actually were wrong.

Bravo for being sensitive and mature...you will be repaid a hundredfold.

Anonymous said...

Hello Keshi.
thanks for visitng my blog.:)

My that friend met with an accident{bike} & till date i m nt able to sort out the person responsible for that.I don't know wether i should curse:-The person who gave him the bike. -The girl,whom he was taking to the hospital, - his Girl frnd who had a fight with him last night,-Or myself for not stopping him from gng?

Rachel Heather said...

Keshi

I try my hardest to never go to bed angry but sometimes it happens. I try to forgive everyone all the time but sometimes it just takes some time. Don't be too hard on yourself! Forgive yourself too!

BTW - I have seen REM more times than I can count. If you ever come here when the play I can take you backstage :)

Jewel Rays said...

Hi Keshi..

something very wonderful written by you. Something real and something i needed to hear. *smiles*

Thanks lady.

Jim said...

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guys

u may not believe dis
but the guy from Nigeria
is a porn riter


he has now graduated to XXX movies
and he is scouting for the lead role

if u tink u r hott


apply here

Unknown said...

As of for friends...
well they r my treasure....

I dont see any thing wrong in apologizing or sayin sorry 2 em.. even if its not my fault... They r "my" friends.. and well... they r "mine"... no way.. I can let go them... no matter what...

they r a part of my life... and no point in lettin some thing to wreck that...

White Magpie said...

When you hurt someone, ask for forgiveness. The moment you realize it. There is no fall in pride or ego to do that. Rather it clears the heart load and strengthens relations.

And when someone hurts me, I give it 24 hours. I like what Gurdjieff says, "Give your anger 24 hours. And if you are still pissed after 24 hours, go and do whatever you want to that person. Murder if you like." Haven't stayed angry enough to commit murder after 24 hours. And 99% of the time it fizzles off. So it works. Ah but on occasions have given a tit for a tit and a tat for a tat after the wait. And its sweet and satisfying and complete.

Has to be me said...

Good post Keshi! Yes, all relationships hurt, esp the more u love a person, the more the hurt is! But we need to have the heart to forgive & forget for a healthy everlasting relation!
Yes moms r the best....esp fr their unconditional love & ever forgiving nature! :)

Keshi said...

Uttsy mwahh first babe!

**u can be rest assure i will never call up if its aint my mistake.. ( u know this very well )

well u dun have to. Thats why I said it has to be 'genuine' or else there's no effect on both sides. :)

Hugggggggggggz!



-----------------------------

Margie as usual u said it all. ty n mwahhhhhhhhhhhh for being the special person that u r!


------------------------------


Southy thats right tnxxx!


-------------------------------

Hey Samy!

lol na I aint justifying awww...

**Coz they ain't ur kids n u dun share that attachment ur mum has 4 u

I know :) but Im just saying why cant we have that kinda heart too? if we try we can, Im sure.

tnxxx Samy!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Deepsat yes it's the ego that prevents us to admit that we may be wrong. We have to keep a check on that.

tnxxx!


------------------------------


Aditi heyy!

**Well sometimes its not that easy to forgive someone specially if they are not willing to realize they were wrong or they hurt u..

True. Thats why both SORRY and FORGIVE have to be genuinely felt.


------------------------------

Sunil WC n tnxxx!

I think ur a good soul.

Im so sorry abt ur friend. I left a comment in ur blog. Check it out.


Keshi.

Ash said...

Lovely pictures of the kitten!
Hope you enjoyed the REM concert...

:P fuzzbox said...

Aahhh.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for everything Keshi.
That was so kind of you.
I feel the same about you.
And i m obliged that i met great persons like you over here.

Thanks to Blogger/google....:)

Hazel Dream said...

Can you always speak truth ?? no my dear there is difference between the real world and the utopian world.
What do u do with people who walk away without giving you an opportunity to explain the truth .. and give you pain to live with ??

starry said...

Keshi..you are genuine and a really kind soul.and thats why I like you. It takes a humble person to admit they are wrong and take that first step in saying they are sorry.I am so glad you made up with your mom.I wish I was mature as you at your age and had done that when my mom was alive, I did not want to give in and say I am sorry. I think forgiveness has to come from your heart and if it will make you feel lighter why not? .It does not matter if you were right or wrong.Dont carry that heavy burden, it will only weigh you down.

Christie's Corner said...

Hi Keshigirl
Just came by to say hi!
how are you doing dear, hope gr8, I missed yu soooo much.

Will be back to catch real soon, and thanks so much for you r supportive words, I really appreciate them.

My cousin and I are both doing gr8, thank God!!

You're always in my thots, remember that.
Hugggggggggs dear!!

Jim said...

FUCK Dr John
FUCK the fucking BIBLE dat made BUSH and BLAIR bomb IRAQ
FUCK Pope Benedict


lissen to the Mahatma



go here

Anonymous said...

Great blog.

You must forgive to be forgiven.

You should forgive for you may never get another chance.


W&C/ken

Anonymous said...

Great blog.

You must forgive to be forgiven.

You should forgive for you may never get another chance.


W&C/ken

Anonymous said...

Great blog.

You must forgive to be forgiven.

You should forgive for you may never get another chance.


W&C/ken

Scoot said...

This is a deep and well thought out and even more well written post.You have written so beautifully and in such simple words that it can help anyone faced with such a situation and believe me everyone goes through this

Keshi said...

Desperado HELLOOOO! I'm so glad u r in tune with my senses now ;-) guessing the correct song etc wow!

yeah and the only unconditional love in this world is a parent's love.

poor sis...why d u annoy her lol!


--------------------------------

Kautilya we all make mistakes...and not everyone has an understanding family. And then we get sad and hurt each other. But given time if we realise that it was all a big mistake and we can go bakk and reconcile, then thats what matters. Cos trust me alot of ppl live years and even die without re-uniting. how sad is that.

u havent lost much time...u still have time. So go bakk and re-unite. Im sure u can. With all the love and support and advice u have received from ur friends and ur own heart, u will be bakk with ur family.

tc n hugggggggz!

-------------------------------

m000nie Im glad u SMSd ur friend. That shows u really r sorry and that u wanna make up. So sweet.

Jainism sounds very interesting. Nice to have a day to remember who to say sorry to and forgive. Makes ppl realise that and work on it.


** y do we always forget the good part n remember the bad that the person has done to us???

So true! I always asked that too. m000nie if I had the ans to that, I wud be a very happy person. Unfortunately I have been the victim of the same thing. My few silly mistakes have been spewed on me while my greater deeds r buried w.o. a trace. But I cant expect ppl I love to always praise me for my good deeds. Only they have to realise that. So I just let it be. As long as I dont act the same way, Im fine.

huggggggggz n tc!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Visithra tnxx sweety!

**being forgiven means the bond gets stronger

very true.


--------------------------------


Silvara it's good that u feel u need to apologise...some ppl dun even feel that way.

**That way they don't end up being mistakes - but experience

thats so very true.

tnxxx sweety!


--------------------------------


Cocaine_Jesus helloo :)

**saying sorry is the easy bit. meaning it is much harder.

thats true. Thats why I said it has to be GENUINE. If not it's no use.

-------------------------------

G'day Vishnu long time indeed! I've been well and u?

**how many ppl respect/value others feeling?!

thats a very good Qn. I dun think alot of ppl respect/value other ppl's feelings. I really dun think. Atleast in my life it's that way.


**to forgive we need lottsa maturity but to say sorry we needn't...

I think both needs alot of maturity. Saying sorry is not very easy for alot of ppl. It takes a matured heart to accept his/her faults and say sorry. Forgiving needs the same.


--------------------------------

Contented heyyy!

**Even though you want to reconcile, its others who have to give a thought abt it as well.

thats true. both parties have to be genuinely interested in working on it.


**I think its not only taking load off but also try not to have such load in first place (which ofcourse not easy sometimes) is important...what ya say??

well it's a tough one. Cos being human alot of ppl say/do things on impulse. But I know what u mean. Being extra-cautious b4 u open ur mouth or do something is a sure safety measure. :) Good one.

-------------------------------

Adi hows u? :)

**but mostly the hurt is within us. we choose to keep it wid us.

thats soooo right. It's like we r in love with the hurt or something - we just wanna drag the pain. Best to realise that and let go.

no tension mate, just a rant ;-)tnxxxxx!

--------------------------------

Eclipsed heyy mwahhhhhh! I was missin ya. Hope ur ok.

**Regarding frens, i dont bother to make up if its not my fault

well Im soooo like u. I have a bit of an ego too. Not that it's bad but u need that to survive. But lately I have been really lose on it...I mean lookin ard me, ppl dying, falling ill etc etc have made me wanna reconcile sooner than ever b4. I cant be angry for too long anymore. I guess Im getting older? :)

awww ur Ma is saying sorry to ya lol so sweet! She's like my mum then. Cos last night on my way home I bough my mum a chocolate - her fav Dolce Doro white chocolate. So when I went home I left it on her bed...later on she saw it and was so happy lol! And then when I was getting ready for bed, she suddenly comes ard and says 'I forgot to say thank you for the chocolate - thank you'...lolz that was so sweet.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Deepa hey u busy girl, hugggggggz!

** will never apologise unless I'm sure I'm wrong ... , and the person means a lot to me

well u have a valid point. why wud u wanna apologize if ur not wrong and if the person is not very close to u. it's gotta be a genuine apologetic feeling or else dun say it at all.

tc n have a good day Deepz!

---------------------------------

Itchingtowrite ty :)


---------------------------------

Dumbdodi dun worry sweety...we all do that kinda thing when we r young and out-of-control. But as long as u realise that, aplogise and make up - thats what matters.

Hugggggggggggz!

---------------------------------

Parag u always say most of the wisest words here..tnxxx!

**I think if we all are considerate of how other people may feel due to our actions and if we do not hurt each other..

Spot on! being human we r so quick to say/do things that hurt others. Like u said if we all respect anothers' feelings a lil bit more then there wont be so many heartaches.


**Most "hurt feelings" come out of expectation

so true! Thats why I dun expect much these days Parag. ppl have helped me too and hav eexpected SO MUCH in return. It has created so many fights with hurtful words etc. I have always thought that when u help someone u should never expect anything in return. Anyways.

tnxxxxxxxx!

----------------------------------

Harry whats the excuse? :)

Anyways yeah I know what u mean. It's all to do with the ego. Well now I have realised with family n friends, its not worth trying to preserve ur ego. Life is too short to glorify ur ego. So nowadays I just go ahead and say what I feel...that means when Im really sorry, I say it...and I try hard to forgive those who desreve it. Bakk then I didn't bother at all. Im glad to see Im changing for the better.

tnxxx n TC.

---------------------------------

Jeevan ur a very kind soul I know. Thats so nice of u to be that way.

U have a wonderful day!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Madhu what's imp is that u REALISE. And I think u have. So pick up the phone and say sorry or send something nice to the one u hurt...doesnt matter even if it was a long time ago. Do something nice. It'll make u and him/her feel good too.

**its embarassing accept this publicly but i know that's the truth

yes I know. But that very emabarassment will be a great reward for ur soul...cos it'll teach u to be humble and to live life truthfully.

TC.

--------------------------------


Sanjay ty :)


---------------------------------


Fleiger heyy hows u?

**But usually, we find it harder to forgive than say sorry.

hmm thats right...and why may that be? I think it's cos the person who has to forgive has the most power. Meaning that he/she is the one who's hurt and beckons an apology. So he/she has the right/power to control the reconciliation. That can be manipulated to her/his own liking. So if he/she is not genuinely ready to forgive, they can drag it forever. The power of hurt can be terminal.


--------------------------------

Mehak yep I slam alot of things too :) I think I'm short-tempered.


---------------------------------

Cuckoo lol u have a cute friend. Thats great that u 2 quickly make up.

we say/do things in a hurry w.o. realising the other person gets hurt. We say/do things to satisfy our need of self-righteousness while that may hurt alot of ppl. So it's best to think twice b4 we say/do things. And if we stil can't do that, then atleast if we realise what we did and make up for it, then thats all that matters.

TC n tnxxxxxxx!

---------------------------------

S0ul heyy mwahhh! I had a good weekend, hope the same with ya babez.

**.. i always always always forgive.. but never forget :)

Well guess wut sweety...I have been the same. Well as long as Im not suffering from Dimentia, I gotta remember it na lol! But forgetting here means a different 'forgetting'...the memory of the words/deeds will remain with u ofcourse. But the fact that person has genuinely apologised and u have genuinely forgiven him/her should set u free...it should paint a new fresh paint on that stained walls of ur r'ship. It should look brandnew now. Only if it was GENUINE from both sides. I hope u know what I mean.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

G'day Tre! Howdy?

** I wonder how many I have been carrying that I'm not even aware of.

well time to realise and set urself free :)

tnxxx n TC mate.


--------------------------------

Mommyof2 thats right.

** I think if someone will hug & ask for forgiveness, we can forgive them even before they ask for it:

a simple gesture can take u a long way. And I dun u'stand why some ppl refrain from giving hugs n kisses. So sad.

--------------------------------

Rupali WC n tnxxxxxx!


--------------------------------


Schrodingerzz heyyy!

**unless we drop all expectations in a relationship, its not gonna work

We never can drop ALL expectations in a r'ship. There has to be some basic expectation or else it wont be a r'ship in the first place. And no u dun have to be 100% expectation-less to say sorry and to forgive. I guess saying sorry and forgiving is also 'expecting' each other to work on the r'ship isnt it? :)

True we should stop trying to change ppl. That really helps.

tnxxxxxx!

---------------------------------

Kavi thats true. Pride n ego get in the way. Next time we can just ask the pride and the ego to take a back seat :)

Wait is a weight yeah..even I was like WOW after I wrote that LOL!

tnxxx sweety!


--------------------------------

Sudeep heyyy hows u? :)

No I havent seen that movie yet. hehehe must be a nice one.

**i would recommend ur mum to give u a heavy dosage of loud tamil movies

omg noooooooooooo! Not that I aint getting any currently anyways ROFL!


---------------------------------

LaVidaLoca tnxxxxxxxx!

:)


---------------------------------

Nikita heyyy hows u?

**even when the volcano inside you kicks like hell

thats soooo true! Ur mum's words r GOLD.

tnxxxx Niki!


--------------------------------


KK yeah I cant expect the whole world to be my mum na lol! :)

**But if the person is not ready to forgive, I just leave it to them.

yeah me too. Cant help it anymore can we.

tnxxxx!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Ashes HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! I soo missed ya mate. Where have u been? I mean I miss those days when u, FM and I used to chat....gone r the good old days...

**But i look for a changeless core in things/beings.Your's is beautiful and clean.

ty! Thats the highest compliment anyone can ever receive. I feel honored.

TC mate.

---------------------------------


Pallavi indeed, ty!


----------------------------------

Tiwsted_DNA heyyy tnxxx!

**The reason a lot of couples end up distanced from each other is because they don't follow what you mentioned, viz. making up with each other.

well I have been in r'ships. I was always the first to say sorry and to forgive. I guess that also lead to being taken for granted. But it's ok. Cos this is me...this is who I am...and if for being who I am I was being taken for granted, then it's really not my fault. Most couples dun wanna work out things together cos they think of themselves as 'separate' entities. When ur a couple u r one. U gotta realise that b4 ur ego takes over.

And yes it's impossible to find out how we may be hurting ppl unintentionally. But w ecan do one thing. Always put urself in the other person's shoes b4 saying/doing something in a hurry.

tnxxxx and have a good day!

----------------------------------

Suga heyyyy mwahhhhhhhhh! So nice to see u here after a very long time. I hope u've been well.

** it was a silent forgiving almost..

thats so nice. It happens. Sometimes u dun even have to say a word and u know that u have nade up with each other. Thats true friendship. LOVELY!


**Lol but what timing eh.

hehehe guess my 6th sense told me that Suga needed some Suga ;-)


---------------------------------

AB heyyy!

**When things like this happen, I think it's best to forget about it and move on.

thats right. Wish everyone thought like u did.

yep...the more u think abt it, the more it eats u! SO WELL-SAID!

----------------------------------


Priya thats right...kids need to be taught to say Sorry, Thank U etc. I have seen ppl who know no manners at all. Must be the result of an out-of-control chidhood.

**Few simple words can make a persons life better.....

Spot on! And instead some ppl carry grudges for years, even to their graves. PATHETIC isnt it!


----------------------------------

Autumn heyyy hows u sweety?

yes being hurt and hurting...they both need to be stopped without being carried on and getting wasted as a result of that burden.

mwahhhh n tnxxx babez!


---------------------------------

Niki hugggggggggz!

**if it were my mom, she wouldnt talk to me for a month.. ^o^;;
and i wouldnt talk to her for half a year or so

WHY?????


---------------------------------

Plus_Ultra WC n tnxxxx!

**Forgiveness is very nourishing, it makes you grow as much as it releases you from a prison

Indeed. One's well-being should not be dependent on a bottle of pills or a hospital bed. It's right in your heart n soul.

--------------------------------

WW hey mate hows u?

yes..the bond plays a big role. But what Im trying to say is why cant we not measure who's imp to us etc b4 wanting to say sorry/forgive? I mean put aside the bond-factor and just say how u really feel. Can we really do that or am I just dreaming?


---------------------------------

Kath mwahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

**hey i thought ur angry??" and will answer " what do u want to eat kathy?"

LOL ur mum is sooooo sweet! My huggggz to her. awwwww...

mums r always such darlings ha. I dunno wut I'd do w.o. my mum!

Yes even I cant u'stand how some ppl NEVER say sorry when they r sooooo wrong. Trust me Kath I have such ppl in my own life. Im not trying to get sympathy but some ppl have hurt me real bad and I know I dont deserve that...and yet todate they havent said a single SORRY. It's ok. I dun want their sorry cos Im still smiling with them and helping them ard. U wudnt believe what my soul can do to me...she tells me not to brood over ppl's faults. Just forgive n move on...life is a party, not a funeral. :)

--------------------------------

Saby yes ur right....dun even make a consious effort cos thats when ego comes to play. Just do as u feel.

u should have been a mini Jesus na Saby :)


---------------------------------

Alex heyy hows u? Busy ha.

yes its either that they DONT realise their mistakes or that they DONT want to.

:) TC n tnxxxxxxx!



Keshi.

SaffronSaris said...

Poppy doll-pearl, reflective post huh?
Sometimes, we are so caught up in out own lives that we neglect to keep friends in the loop, then when we do meet up, it's either a case of too much to talk about, or discovering that we have both drifted apart.
But mommies are different! Because they live in the same house, so there's no way to drift apart, and there's no way not to make up either :)

Keshi said...

Sujit I know wut u mean...friends' advice matters too and sometimes it changes us.

** if all the fellow people said you did right thing.. then would you might have gone?..

Some of my friends here said I did the right thing. And some others said I was wrong. Although I took everyone's words into consideration, ultimately it was my choice n decision. So I made the decision to go. :) btw that person who hurt me hasnt said Sorry to date. I have forgiven her. Forgotten too...really.


---------------------------------

Reflextion awwwww...huggggggggggggggggggz!

:) TC.

---------------------------------


Lera ur spot on!

**how many of us get a clear picture of what is involved in forgiving and forgetting..

thats right...we have to realsie that FORGETTING means something different here. While the memory of the hurtful words/deeds remain somewhere in our brain, forgetting here means to paint a fresh paint over the stained wall of ur r'ship. If the apology and the forgiving was genuine, then u can have that kind of 'forgetting' too. U really can.

yes we need more ppl who think this way...it sure is a rare.


---------------------------------

G'day HE!

yes mother n daughter r'ship is one of the scared r'ships in the world. U laid the reasons so beautifully.


**A comedian once said that it dumb to carry a grudge because while you are lugging that grudge around and being miserable..the other guy is out dancing

LOL thats soooo true!


**Life is not all abt ME

damn right. Gotta share...gotta repair :)


**It feels sooo good to dump that sack of crap off of your shoulders..if you actually were wrong.

Spot on!

tnxxx HE u make so much sense. HUGGGGGGGGZ!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Rach hey beautiful!

**Don't be too hard on yourself! Forgive yourself too!

true. Sometimes it is ourselves thats hardest to forgive.

U lucky girl...seen REM so many times! U'd take me backstage? OMG how? U know em?


---------------------------------


Amy mwahhhhhhhhhhh tnxx sweety!


---------------------------------


Gangadhar ty :)


---------------------------------


Johnny is that true?


---------------------------------


Hi again Kautilya!

**they r a part of my life... and no point in lettin some thing to wreck that...

indeed...no point letting ur ego spoil a good friendship. well-said!


---------------------------------

White_Magpie is a 24hr check ha :) good on ya!


**Rather it clears the heart load and strengthens relations.

true, very true!


--------------------------------

Has_To_Be_Me thats right...mums r the best in this subject :)

**esp the more u love a person, the more the hurt is!

true to a certain extent. But sometimes I think ppl who hurt u all the time dun really luv u...what say?

--------------------------------

Ash the REM concert was fully sick! I mean it rocked SOLID :)


---------------------------------

Fuzzbox :)

---------------------------------


Sunil no probs...TC n know that we r here for u always.


---------------------------------


Hazel yes I always speak the truth...dun u?

**What do u do with people who walk away without giving you an opportunity to explain the truth .. and give you pain to live with ??

well then its not our problem is it...I mean if they r not willing to u'stand or not willing to give u the time to explain, then what can u do? Just let it be.


---------------------------------

Starry it takes a kind soul to recognise another...I think ur a beautiful person and I luv u too!

**I did not want to give in and say I am sorry.

well I have done that many times too...there were times when I hurt my mum and never said sorry. When I was much younger. Well I sometimes think abt those days and cry sometimes. Cos that hurt cant be taken away easily. No matter how Sorry I feel. but that realisation has made me a new person. It's given me a new energy. And I know I'd never do that kinda mistake again.

Ur mum knows u love her Starry. She's ur mum. Mums never doubt their children. They r older and more experienced than us so they know how kids behave. Now ur a mum...dun u think ur kids love u no matter how they throw tantrums sometimes? Im sure u know they r sorry too after that. Likewise Im sure ur mum knows too Starry. She's smiling at u from heaven. I know she is.

TC n hugggggggggggggggz!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Chris WB awwwwww MWAHHHHHHHHH! Im so glad ur bakk and mostly that u and ur cousin r well. Good on ya girl! I'll visit u soon. TC n lots of LUV.


---------------------------------


G'day Ken! Nice to have ya here.

**You must forgive to be forgiven.
You should forgive for you may never get another chance.

that was well-said. So true. tnxxxxxxxx!


--------------------------------

Maya tnxxx n huggggggggggz!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Saffy!

**it's either a case of too much to talk about, or discovering that we have both drifted apart.

true. isnt that sad.

btw some mum and daughters dun make up at all...even in their whole life. So yeah, not all mums n daughters r so apologetic/forgiving Saffy. I guess u n I r lucky.

Hugggggggggggggggz!

Keshi.

Jim said...

is Saffy
a man or a woman?





sounds so much like Saby
if u r a woman and u r sexy

we shud team up
Sabby and Saffy sounds good

Anonymous said...

So finally Keshi is back to answering comments ;)

**But usually, we find it harder to forgive than say sorry.

I think it's cos the person who has to forgive has the most power ... to control the reconciliation.
Yes, true or apperent power... So, while on one hand we might not want to admit we are wrong, on the other, we wouldn't want to look bad/less in front of somebody else, however close they are (family not included)...

Keshi said...

Saby ur such a BIG flirt. Is that ur job title by any chance?


--------------------------------


Fleiger heyyy! I agree with ya. Ultimatley its all abt 'I'.


Keshi.

EKENYERENGOZI Michael Chima said...

Sweet Keshi,
If only you could and you called me before going to bed, I would have disturbed you until you apologized to your mother before sleeping, so that you wouldn't go to bed with the heartache and headache of your short temper.

I have always suspected that you would have such short tempers. Your posts and looks depict that you are too sensitive and passionate and that's you, heart, spirit and soul.Intoto.

Have you ever wondered what your mother has been going through in her heart and soul since your father passed away?
And last night, you made her miss your father badly.

Please, don't ever do that again.

Get over it as you advised from your own experience, take the load off your heart.

I love you.

God will comfort you and your mother always.

God bless.

Keshi said...

Ori tnxxx! I know I'd have hurt my mum so much that nite...but I realised it and I said Sorry...and she forgave me too...so Im happy now.

hell I AM short-temepred. How did u know? :):)


Keshi.

Dalicia said...

hello keshi how have u been?

just hope that the person will forgive me. anyways, i'm not too forgiving either...:P

family are different! it seems that you're forced to forgive and they tend to take advantage of you.

Shionge said...

Hiya Keshi,

Found you through Elaine's blog :D

Thanks for this wonderful post but but.......my significant's half sulk and has a huge ego thattt..........*sigh*.

I know what where you are coming from and thanks for this timely reminded:D

Keshi said...

Elaine helloooo!


**family are different! it seems that you're forced to forgive and they tend to take advantage of you

so true. And I hate that.


-----------------------------------

Shionge WC n tnxxxx!


**ego

dun we all carry that huge burden :)



Keshi.

Known Stranger said...

you cannot get hurt unless you want to get hurt. You cannot hurt some one unless they want to get hurt.