An Evening With My Memory..

Somewhere in the world tonight, there's no fighting. Somewhere in the world tonight, there's no crying, there's no fear. Somewhere in the world tonight, someone's holding their first child, someone else is falling in love for the first time. Somewhere in the world tonight, everything's alright. And tonight, in this tiny corner that I occupy in this big wide space called Earth, Im thinking of you..and because of my memory of you, somewhere in my world tonight, everything's alright.

Time does not wait for anyone or anything. Time does not hesitate. *tick tock tick tock tick tock* Time keeps going, it never stops. Time sure knows how to say NO! I've learnt from Time that no matter what has happened, is happening or will happen, I must 'keep going forward'..I must go forward, no matter how much I love looking back.

Time is a precious commodity, but do we really value it or give it the sense of respect it so deserves? Time, though sometimes may appear to be selfish as it leads the race, leaving us torn between the past and the present, finding it hard to trudge along to the future, Time sure does heal us all. That's the beauty about Time. That's the kindest quality about Time. That's what we all need so very much. A Time to heal. And that Time can only come with time. How ironic! The past is the skeleton that Time left behind. The present is Time's new avatar. The future is Time's surety of reincarnation. But in all 3 forms of progression of Time's soul, we are being taught the beautiful lesson of learning from our experiences, therefore, Healing. And that can only come from 'reminiscing' without attachment.

Memory is Time's offspring. Time leaves us with it's product that we cant kill and nobody can snatch from us either, no matter how far we've travelled with Time itself. Some memories may bring you pain, some others solace. Either way, your Memory is your richest possession; your mind's most beautiful accessory. For if not for memories, it would not have occurred to me that a post in one of my favorite places on Earth *Blogville* is overdue :) Yes, I'm here today, because Time's child Memory ushered me to you. Sweet memories of you happen to meet me today and remind me that there's a lovely bunch of people waiting to read me, wanting to hear from me, wondering how I am, thinking of me, all because of Time's child that lived inside of you too. Memories, they make us who we are.

I hope you are all doing well. I have not forgotten you, for my Memory shall always bring me back to you. Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year to you all! Life's going great for me *except that I was recently bitten by a venomous spider! But Im ok dont worry :) Threw a huge tanty but Im back to normal now haha!*, and I hope all is well with you too? Thanks for all the wishes, thoughts, notes, emails, messages and most of all for the endless LOVE here from your comments even though Im not into regular blogging anymore. I will try and hop around Blogville sometime soon :). Value, respect, love & appreciate Time. For Time is where we all live forever, be it the past, present or future; not anywhere else. Time is where we breathe, where we can truly reconnect, where we can undoubtedly go back to our lovedones, where fresh moments are born and where they continue to live. Time is where we exist - we 'live' in a blob of Time that once used to be, is and will always be. I believe there's a 'place' where we can wave goodbye to our fears and tears, atleast for a little while; Moments & Memory...Time.

2011 is at birth..reincarnation of 2010 *and of many years that were it's past lives*. Have a wonderful 'time', create beautiful 'memories', and dont forget to be inspired by Time and 'keep going forward'!

~An Evening With My Memory, December 2010~ this post was written in 10mins after Joyce sent me an email asking me to write a post for her to start the New Year with...I hope it hasnt got too many typos, grammar mistakes & too much of advice :) Thanks Joyce for your wonderful and undying encouragement, for your Memory of me.

Current Music: Somewhere in the world tonight by Altiyan Childs

Revelations Of An Afterlife..

In an Afterlife. Once upon a lifetime, I used to live in a place called the 'world'. Over there, we could 'say' but most people only 'talked'. We could 'listen' but most people only 'heard'. We could 'see' but most folks just 'looked'. In that world, there were so many avenues for growth...so many signs placed on our roads of life, by God...omens were the the only language God spoke...not English, not Hebrew. It was 'omens'. God's language was the signs and the experiences we encountered along the road of life. But people over there are so buried in their own worlds, in their 'chase', they hardly saw God's signs or the symbols he left along their roads. The experiences, the encounters, the other people they met...they forgot to 'see' them..cos they only 'looked'. When good experiences were met, they were overjoyed, they only thought of the pleasure it gave them. They missed the golden lessons that came with it, that were carefully placed by God, like the delicious bits of nuts and fruit hidden beneath a cake. People only noticed the top layer, like the icing on a cake...like the little sugar figurines that captured their eyes, not the imagination. They forgot to see the bigger picture of it all...that with good things in life we should grow humility, generosity, compassion, understanding and love. Most people there don't seem to know that we may 'succeed' many times in life but we are not a 'success' until we share it with everyone else around us. Joy that's not shared isnt joy at all. And when they encountered bad experiences along the road, people were so miserable..they cursed God...they asked why me. Again, they missed the precious lessons that came with it. They only saw the bottom layer this time, like the pits of a dark dungeon...like the burning sensation of a fire that only captured their immediate senses, but not their souls. They forgot to see the greater outcome of it all...that with bad things that happen to us in life, we should grow patience, hope, positivity and beauty of the heart. Most people there don't seem to know that we may 'fail' many times in life but we don't become a 'failure' until we blame somebody else for it...that accountability should stand tall in all situations.

God places 'items' along the road of life. Those items maybe the people we meet, the experiences we encounter and the ups and downs we go through in life. All of them happen to us for a reason...yes all of it. Even if some people leave us for good or some encounters leave us emotionally crippled..you and I met because we were meant to cross each others' paths to attend to a deep need in each other...to be there for each other at a difficult time...to awaken each others' spirits and unleash our souls. It doesn't matter that we are not together anymore...our purpose has been accomplished, our need has been met. God places 'items' along the road of life. The beautiful rose has thorns..the ugly duckling may possess the prettiest heart..the rocky road can lead to the most beautiful lake..the toothy child brought out the kid in me..the friend who never spoke to me again taught me Destiny..the flowers by the lake showed me character and patience through day and night. May all your future encounters leave you wiser than ever before! In life we look...in death we see, and I did. Life is a symptom...death is a cure.

- Keshi, July 2010, 'Revelations Of An Afterlife'

Written as a heartfelt & most honored tribute to Ria, Mehreen, Margie, Joyce & Shachi. 5 beautiful flowers God had placed along the path of my life..

Current Video: People come into your life for a reason

The Life In Your Death

It's right there, infront of my eyes. I can see it, feel it, hear it. It's in my hands. It's your heart...pounding, fighting to live, to breathe...to see another day. It's bleeding but it's still beating. Not yet dead, but not alive either. Your pain is in my hands. I can feel it but I feel useless. I just stand and stare at how your heart is struggling in my hands, your life beckoning to me. I try to bend your pain, but there are no shortcuts for that...pain is one long freeway that isn't really free. It costs you your heart and soul, but there's nothing that can be done. There's so much left to learn but not enough time. There's so much left to see, but not enough sun. I wish I could take your pain away and make you smile. Wish I could catch you when you fall. I wanna be your breath. I wanna let you live. I wanna be the air that you breathe...the courage in your will to live...the wings in your prison. I wanna be that last few pangs of life that's left in you. I wanna be the Red in your Black...the Life in your Death.

-An ode to my Writing passion that's faded into faraway memories. Goodbye my love!


Music: Fade Away by Seether

Burning With Desire For A Kiss...

The richest of people could be living the poorest of lives. The most beautiful of all could be having the ugliest of minds. The quietest of all could make the loudest of impressions. The brightest of all could be walking the darkest of paths. The happiest of all could be bearing the saddest of burdens. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, as it may seem. Be content with who you are and what you have. [pic update: one of the many pics I took on NY's eve at the Sydney harbor - 2010 is in dawn!]

We are all awaiting the kiss of 2010...burning with desire for a kiss...a kiss of new dawn. Let this fresh dawn be the change you were waiting for. Do not seek for others to change, cos it will take forever. Make the change within you. Let the world around look at you and want to be like you. Live the life you want to see others living. Be the example that others are waiting for. Don't search for a guiding light, be the guiding light yourself. Don't wait for me forever...find 'yourself'. Lead yourself in the dark when everyone else is sleeping or not within your reach. Be the light in the mist around you...be the question and be the solution too.

I can see you burning with desire for a kiss.... Find new depths in you that you never knew of...anything is possible if you give it a TRY. Don't let anyone tell you that you cant do something or that you're not upto it. You are who you CAN and WANT to be, not what they want you to be. HAPPY 2010 my mates here! May it be the new dawn you were waiting for. What a year 2009 has been...it was the one I decided to stop blogging...and twas the one in which MJ died - what could be worse than that. I think 2009 was blue for me in alot of ways. 2010...well I have some travel plans and I'm hoping to take a big step in one aspect of my life. I'm gonna take that risk cos I'm the only one who can change my own life. Also 2010 could be one without me here like I used to, but it would certainly be one with alot of new 'kisses' for ya and me, I hope. Kisses of new revelations...so all the best to everyone here! I'm gonna rock it on NY's eve in the Sydney harbour *mobile will be switched off hehe ;-)*. I hope you have alot of exciting plans too. Live life to the max people - and that doesn't mean drink and dance only...it so desperately means LOVE all no matter what, cos I think that's what alot of us find so hard to do. TC too.

I'm burning with desire for a kiss...psychobabble all upon my lips... XOXOXO

Music: Tigerlily by La Roux

A Christmas Memory...

Wishing all my friends here a very merry Christmas and an awesome 2010! Miss yous like crazy. Tis the season of peace, love and joy, and it's the time for thinking of all the beautiful people who made my life 'meaningful' and 'possible'.

Thanks for all the sweet messages here though I'm not around as I used to be. It's not in our accolades or in our assets or in our beauty...but to be in someone's warmest thoughts is the highest 'milestone' any man can ever reach. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for remembering me! Though I'm not around as much as I'd like to be, you are all in my heart, and yes I remember you all too fondly. I can't and won't forget the magic you all brought to my life and the meaning you gave to it. Sometimes I stop and think of each one of you over a warm cuppa, and then my lips slightly part and I'm smiling :). Love ya, take care, and have a safe and good one! May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white...

Peace to you and yours this holiday season.

MWAH!


Music: White Christmas by Rascal Flatts

The Candy House

I'm reaching for it, slowly but surely. The enormity of it's beauty is distinct, and is just verbally inexpressible. O I want to go, I want to go! I want all the candies and I want to live in that sweet sweet 'house'. My life lacks all of what the Candy house can give me, please let me go in there, o please? All my white pebbbles are gone and all my breadcrumbs have been eaten, now I can't look back. This is what I have been waiting for all my days and all my nights. This is my one dream and I don't ever have to shed tears again. And I don't ever have to wake up to Nothing. I want to reach it, I want to reach it...

o the many Candy 'houses' I have been to, the many 'gems and the many 'witches' I have come across in those houses, the many 'escapes' I have had, the many 'dreams' I have realised and the great 'wealth' that has been brought to my life by stepping into those 'houses'. It's better to have reached your dreams and then have them broken, than never having reached them at all. It's better to have passed the gates of Hell than to lay in bed all day dreaming of Heaven. It's better to have 'felt' what it really is like, than to have 'imagined' it all along..

PS: Hi all, how are ya? :) Feels good to be here again after almost a month and a half. Thanks for all the comments, emails, msgs in the last few months! Though I have not replied to your recent comments here in my blog, I read them all and I'm deeply touched by the Love right along. Do not for even a second think that just cos I'm not regular in blogs anymore, that you are all out of my mind. Infact you are all in my heart all the time. Sometimes I wonder where you all may be, what you must be doing now etc. I have been extremely busy at work and at home too - alot of new beginnings etc. Life goes on as usual. I'm happy, I hope you are too. Time and our lives don't wait for anyone, and I'm taking Life as it comes towards me. Sometimes I sit by the window as I gaze the twilight skies and think about all the times we've spent together here, and it makes me smile. Blogville was another Candy House I guess. I loved the Stay and I learnt alot from it all. I don't regret a single thing. The 'wealth' it has brought to me is just priceless. The knowledge, the wisdom, the endurance, the love...I came face to face with it all, and gained all of that through my blog experience. It's unbelievable, it's magical. However, though I'm writing occasionally right now, I'm afraid I don't know how long this is going to last either...somehow, the inclination to write is slowly fading away. Folks, I have no control of it. It's something that is happening naturally and something that I cannot manipulate. I have always depended on my Instincts, when it comes to making decisions. So let them guide me, like they always have. Depending on how I feel over the long haul, this blog may continue at a much slower pace or it may even cease to exist altogether. Either way let's hope the Love prevails. THANKS a bunch everyone I love ya all, God bless! Keep it real. X

Music: Red by Daniel Merriweather

In Utero

I'm in this dark hole now. It's pretty though. It's the prettiest thing in my world right now. No light. Just sheer darkness and me. It's all good. Something keeps me wanting to live amidst all the chaos, all this death. No noise. No light. No clutter. No racing. No tears. No smiles. No one to let you down. No one to give you glory. No friends, therefore no enemies. Life in it's purest form, sitting right beside me, saying nothing, doing nothing...just being itself giving me silent glances, yet not beckoning me to do anything. Life and me, staring at the walls. No need to cry. No need to ask. No need to validate my thoughts. Not the faintest need to be acknowledged either. Not the smallest want to be wanted. I'm quite content with my beliefs that they need to be neither approved nor validated. I don't need your salutations either for they don't do anything to me anymore. I'm on the most content road ever. Im back in my mother's womb. I'm fresh and unaffected. Humans are programmed to receive. But in that reception lives a huge lie. A giant fake. A humungous disappointment. Cos nothing is really forever. Nothing can be kept with you unless it's given to you by YOU. Everything else is temporary. People, friends, words, promises, gifts, bonds...everything is nothing. They will all be consumed by Time and Nature some day. Is there something that won't be swallowed by Time? Is there something that won't be forsaken by a mere plethora of Expectations? The sense of peace I feel right now is surreal. One I never felt before. A territory I dared not tread before. It's amazing. I no longer suffer from the need to make or have friends. I'm quite 'blissed' out here. No one knows what they are here for, or the wheres or whys. No one cares what you have to say. There are echoes from a distant past, and I see lips moving...but nothing can really be heard in this dark hole. And it's good. I have forgotten to smile but I have forgotten to cry too. I don't remember your name but I remember your face. In this nothingness lies a real sense of peace. Once you're broken beyond repair, that's when you realise your full potential, your purest form, yourself. Until you're 'broken' you will never really know what it is to live without others...you will never really learn to live as 'you'. I'm somewhere between life and death, but I'm not with you. In utero I shall remain.

- An ode to my broken spirit

Music: Echoes by Pink Floyd