Dancer For Money

I saw this true story on Oprah about a woman who shot her partner to death after realising that he was having a sexual relationship with her 15yr old daugher (her only child from her first marriage) behind her back. Both the woman and the man were in their late thirties when this happened. The woman was convicted of murder, jailed for few years, but was later released. Basically he betrayed the trust they had in each other. Worse, the person he chose to do it with was her own teen daughter. It must have been traumatising for this woman to come to terms with the whole scenario. Trust is a very sacred element of any relationship. Once it's broken, it cannot be glued without showing the ugly cracks that will haunt you for life.

And now to another similar story. Last night when I went home after work, my mum updated me about a dear friend of our's...she and her husband are constantly bickering at each other, fighting etc. They have 2 young kids. Besides, it's been happening over their entire marriage, that's 10yrs. They recently built a beautiful mansion ($2.5 million worth) and moved in...but the constant fighting and calling the Police hasn't stopped. It's actually a shame...I don't know who's fault it really is, but all I can say is it takes two hands to clap...and there wont be smoke without a fire. They are both my good mates so I don't wanna take sides either. But what I can't understand is why my friend S (the woman) is putting herself through this? She has every right and freedom to end the marriage, so does he. But neither of them wants to do it. I don't get it. She told me it's also for financial reasons (he owns the house, cars etc)...and another day she told me that it's cos of her kids that she wont leave, cos she wants the kids to grow up in a house with both the parents and all the entitlements (the riches and the comforts). She's a Uni educated woman herself, working part-time and earning her own money.

But does she honestly think that her kids are growing up in a safe and sane enviornment? I don't think so! Watching mum and dad prowl on each other every other day is certainly not how a 3yr old and a 7yr old should grow up. Who am I to say it..you may ask. Well, I may not be married, I may not have my own kids yet but I do have something call 'intelligent' judgement. I do have something called 'sensible' decision-making skills. I do have something call 'dignity'. To me, my dignity/self-respect is far more important than living under the same roof with a daily war of clashing egoes that's lasted years. To me, my kids' mental stability would be far more important than having a violent and arrogant father next to them which is actually worse than having no father. I will never trade my dignity for a fancy house, a flash car, a broken home with sad kids just for the sake of having a family. Nothing can buy my grace - if it happens, it would be over my dead body. Fuck the money, houses and social stigma followed by a separation. I'm not a dancer for money...I'm not a dancer for others...I don't dance to your tune. I'm a dancer of my soul, for myself, for my music. I'd even go dwell in a hut and survive on social security if I had to, just to bring up my children in a real environment, to preserve my dignity, to LIVE. Let them eat bread, let them wear rags if they had to, let them have no pool parties, let them lose their riches...but please don't let my kids lose their Dignity! What my friend does to her kids is unforgiveable. One day those kids are gonna grow up into disturbed adults who's got no idea what self-respect is. They are gonna crawl and hide behind a protective shield each time they are faced with a challenge...they are gonna be bought easily...cos their own parents damaged their dignity long time ago.

How much does your dignity/self-respect mean to you? Tell me, how much $$ is your dignity worth? Would you even kill for it? My dignity is priceless, and it's not for sale. And yes I would even kill (even myself) for my dignity, if I had to. And I'm not afraid to die or go to jail knowing I didn't sell myself.

Current Music: Private Dancer by Tina Turner