Thursday, April 3

Stairway To Heaven

I sometimes wish some people were here right now....my dearest dad who died at just 44yrs of age - wonder what he'd do if he sees me now. Dan my darling friend who committed suicide when he was only 24 - I can still hear his laughter. My maternal grandma who had the biggest heart ever, who died at 83yrs of age - I'm sure she's always giving to others even in Heaven. My 5th grade class teacher Ms.Eva who died at 35yrs of age - her true beauty was something I couldn't get over. Janice my blogger friend who died during childbirth at the age of 25yrs - I wonder if there's a Blogville in Heaven. My last pet dog Judy who died at the age of 6yrs - she used to genuinely 'smile'. My fav aunty V who died at age 60 - I don't know if I'll see such a pretty and talented classical dancer ever again. My childhood friend D who died at the age of 13 - she looked so peaceful in that long white dress. My cousin's baby who died at just 5months pre-birth - I wish I knew him. A total stranger, Banaz Mahmod Babakir Agha who was murdered at the age of 20 by her own father - I wish people paid attention to her fears.

Are you thinking why I'm smiling in this pic? Cos if I show you my tears, there would be a picture of the Nile river here instead. Behind that face there's a sea of teardrops that don't stop falling. If wishes were a bridge, I'd be able to cross it and meet all these people. If wishes were a stairway, I'd be in Heaven right now saying Hi to all these angels. There's an empty chair, unkissed cheeks, an unused plate, a lonely backyard, an undialled phone number, a silent photograph, a piercing memory, an unworn shirt, an unused cradle, long-lost laughter...and my unseen tears. Who do you wish were here today?


Current Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

183 comments:

  1. I wish my grandma was here today. I miss her so much. But i know she is in a better place.

    ***There's an empty chair, unkissed cheeks, an unused plate, a lonely backyard, an undialled phone number, a silent photograph, a piercing memory, an unworn shirt, an unsed cradle, long-lost laughter...and my unseen tears

    I LOVE this part!:D beautifully expressed!

    There are times when our eyes can speak a thousand words without a word from our mouth. Yet there are times we are not permitted to cry it out loud cause not everyone will bear with the tears from our eyes. don't u think thats true?

    I wonder what evoked this post.

    Have a good day there sweets. *HUGGIZ*

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  2. ok, 2nd in line to comment...not bad for a keshi post :)

    newayz, i wish my grandad was here...he'z the first closest family iv ever had to lose...and i was super close to him...i miss him wayyyy too much and does my grandmom, who keeps taking out and folding his clothes to this day 6 years later...

    n i lost the one man i loved truly to death...it was after we broke up, but it did happen...i juz hope hez somewhere good...he was a nice guy...

    death makes me sad and angry...whthr it's a 2 yr old or an 80 yr old...i wudnt mind dyin but i guess i juz cant stand to see someone else lose someone important...

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  3. I would have to go with my great-grandfather and great-grandmother. And my Uncle James.

    I feel kind of guilty that my dad isn't at the top of that list, or really even near it now that I think of other people, but, well that's just the way it is I guess.

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  4. my best bud A...he died of surgical complications at age 27 leaving behind a wife and 2 kids....I see him sooo much, his smile, his gynaan. :(

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  5. They say eyes are the mirrors to one's soul..
    Hugs to you...wonder if anything I do, would compensate for the tears...but know that we're around.

    If I were to have someone back...then my list would reach the last step on the stairway...i've lost quite a few. Esp my 100 year old grandfather who died a few months ago, and then another grandad a few days later.
    Many more...but I know they are watching me from wherever they are.

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  6. even i wish certain ppl were here...but then..life is like tht...but im sure from sumwhere up there they are watching u n smiling that u r doing so awesomely well...they wudnt wanna see u with the river nile in ur eyes :)...

    so cheer up..n hear this out

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oqdX0ZaVZk

    love the song...

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  7. Ohh..Keshi...such a heart felt post.

    I wish I could meet my maternal grandma once.. and get to knw her.. and maternal granpa once.. and tell him..that I miss him too.. and to both of them that mom...misses them like crazy and feels very alone...!

    to tell them to always look after her frm the heavens above...and help me watch my toungue...when i m angry...

    i went to Janice's blog....hw did yu find out abt her death?! i m sorry i m jus curious.. i felt.. a strange feeling...what if i die...will anyone knw...or fell any feelings for me tooo.

    God alone knws :)

    dnt cry Keshi..for every person u have lost...u will meet one other person...you wont want to lose....

    for the very few moments we have.. lets make the most of it...and be happy and smile..

    smile Keshi!

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  8. Hi Keshi

    Beautifully Expressed.

    I wish my brother was here with me , he died at the age of 25 bcoz of cancer :(

    I miss him so much.

    Tears are also a way of expressing your love to your dear loved ones.

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  9. To talk about the death of a loved one is a very traumatic thing for me to do because I have witnessed death not only at close quarters but also in ways that one should never be exposed to. Cinderella also has a similar post. I wish not to comment anymore on this. I am sure I will get nightmares tonight since I suffer from PTSD.

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  10. Amy ur grandma must hv been a very beautiful woman...cos ur carrying on her legacy.


    **There are times when our eyes can speak a thousand words without a word from our mouth

    so true...



    **Yet there are times we are not permitted to cry it out loud cause not everyone will bear with the tears from our eyes

    thats right Amy..thats why I choose to smile even if it hurts deep inside..cos I dun want others to mock my tears. only I know the true value and the memories behind those tears.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

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  11. and Amy u asked me this:

    **I wonder what evoked this post.

    well I guess I saw someone who looked like my dad..just this morning as I was crossing the road on my way to work...it froze me right there.


    Keshi.

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  12. heyy Preeti :)

    **does my grandmom, who keeps taking out and folding his clothes to this day 6 years later

    awww I wanna HUG ur grandma right now...I really do. She must miss him alot...



    ** lost the one man i loved truly to death...it was after we broke up

    ur kidding me Preeti? *HUGZ* that must be so hard on ya!

    When u said that, it reminded me of a guy who was crazy abt me...he rode a motorbike and used to follow me ard with cute pressies..he truly wanted to ask me out. I was too young and was too scared...I didnt give him a word.

    Later on I saw his pic in the newspapers under some accident article..he died from a motorbike crash. I was in shock for days.


    **...i wudnt mind dyin but i guess i juz cant stand to see someone else lose someone important...

    Its the same for me..I dun mind dyin and Im not afraid of it. But I find it very hard to deal with someone else's death.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

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  13. hey Jay!

    ** with my great-grandfather and great-grandmother. And my Uncle James.

    aww HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! Im sure u miss em so very much. I can tell.


    **I feel kind of guilty that my dad isn't at the top of that list

    It looks like u didnt like ur dad all that much. Its ok Jay..u dun hv to feel bad abt it. Some ppl leave us happy memories, some leave us not so happy. So its ok.


    *MWAH*


    Keshi.

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  14. LaVida reading that was hard..I dun even know ur friend but it made me cry. It really did.

    *....I see him sooo much, his smile, his gynaan.

    HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! I so know wut u mean..same with Dan's memories. I have his mobile phone number still in my cell. I dun hv the heart to delete it.


    Keshi.

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  15. hey Prats ty sweetz!

    **Esp my 100 year old grandfather who died a few months ago

    HUGGGGGGGGZ! Im so sorry to hear that. He was 100? WOW!


    Keshi.

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  16. ty Mav!

    **...they wudnt wanna see u with the river nile in ur eyes

    I dunno how to cheer up when my heart feels so heavy Mav...

    ty for the video..will check it out soon.

    btw dun u miss anyone?

    How was ur exam?


    Keshi.

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  17. I sometimes wish my paternal grandmother were still here. She had not met my hubby before she passed away. I would love for her to meet her great-grandkids.

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  18. hey Veenz ty sweetie!

    **I wish I could meet my maternal grandma once.. and get to knw her.. and maternal granpa once

    awwwwwww....:*( old ppl r so precious..they r like the cool breeze to our heavy hearts...I miss my grandma so very much! She used to crack jokes too..alot of the time :)


    **and help me watch my toungue...when i m angry...

    it happens Veenz..even Im so wicked sometimes...



    **i went to Janice's blog....hw did yu find out abt her death?! i m sorry i m jus curious.. i felt.. a strange feeling

    Janice was one of the first few bloggers I knew..she and I started blogging together. First we met thru IT chat. Then we became good friends. Then she got married and moved to the US with her husband in that same year..I think 2005. After a while she got pregnant...and she blogged everything abt her life from there. We became daily blog buddies....and then when she was abt 8months pregz she suddenly disappeared. No news nothing...then we panicked. I put up few blog posts lookin for her. I even contacted some ppl in Mulund (her hometown in Mumbai) to find out abt her. Still no one knew abt her.

    Then after abt 4months someone left a message for me. Apparently Janice died in Dec 2005 during childbirth in the US. Both she and the baby died. I was devastated and I didnt even wanna believe it for some time. we were even selecting baby names for her baby. Until an Indian schoolmate and blog-buddy of Janice confirmed her death and told us that her family was also in deep shock, including her brother. Janice used to tell me abt her big brother..she used to tell me so many things abt her life..and now just silence...



    Keshi.

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  19. @keshi...the exm was fine..just one case...so more of a story writing exercise...lol...
    do i miss anyone..yes...i do..right now my home..longing to go back for a few days before work starts...and u :)

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  20. Gee, you have had your fair share Keshi. I hope everyone around you will now live a long long time.

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  21. OMG Keshi, I completely understand. I read her blog post..and she seemed sucha nice and warm person!

    i really hope she and her baby are smewhere... happy...in heaven.

    i dnt knw what to say Keshi.

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  22. I agree Thoughts...tears r an expression of love.


    **I wish my brother was here with me , he died at the age of 25 bcoz of cancer

    Im so sorry to hear this *HUGZ*..I cant even imagine what it is to lose a sibling. It must be very hard!


    Keshi.

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  23. Im sorry to scare u again Solitaire aww...HUGGGGGGGGZ!


    ** I will get nightmares tonight since I suffer from PTSD.

    Im a very sensitive person...Im so like u. But I like to talk abt it than bury it..cos that way I realise alot of others feel the same way abt a loved-one who's not ard anymore.

    I really hope u dun get any nightmares hun. TC n MWAH!


    Keshi.

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  24. And Solitaire..thats a cute new profile pic. :)

    Keshi.

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  25. aww Menchie I know wut u mean..I wish my dad was ard to see me doing so well...cos he's the only one who really cared.

    Im sure she is watching over ur family hun!


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

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  26. good to hear ur exams went well Mav...


    **...i do..right now my home..longing to go back for a few days before work starts...and u

    aww...

    and u meaning u miss me? :)


    Keshi.

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  27. Andrew I've been battered by life like hell, yes :)


    Keshi.

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  28. Veenz its ok hun..atleast u were interested to know more abt her..that shows u truly CARE..u hv a feeling HEART.

    *MWAH*

    Keshi.

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  29. @keshi....its open to interpretation :D

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  30. Mav Im so numb now...from all this pain..I dun even hv any interpretation skills left in me :)

    Keshi.

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  31. the only love which i have never seen or was never lucky with is love of grandmaa and grandpaa(mom and dad)..
    paternal side i never seen them..maternal side only during vacations (now not that too)...
    so i wish they were here....
    i miss there pamper

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  32. thanks to ur blog i m doing well with serious talks..

    plz some humour next time...

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  33. Life has shown you a lot of colours, some really dark ones. I dunno how I would have reacted to all of this.

    I really don't have any experience. *touch wood*

    Cheers to your spirit, it's commendable.

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  34. @keshi...temme something..where would being numb lead to??old memories came rushing bck....the heart feels heavy...but then theres always something thts there to look forward...something tht is there tht makes us smile...so think abt tht..think abt things that make u smile n laugh...think abt leaving work n heading home..to spend some time with frnds n family...so do tht..n watch the video..first 1 n half or something :)

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  35. hey Nirmal..

    **the only love which i have never seen or was never lucky with is love of grandmaa and grandpaa(mom and dad)..


    aww..well I've never really spent much time with my paternal grandparents either..they died when I was abt 5yrs old.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

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  36. hi again Nirmal :)

    **plz some humour next time

    Humor is my hiding place yes..

    Keshi.

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  37. aww ty Alok!

    **I dunno how I would have reacted to all of this

    yes its really not possible to be in some else's shoes.

    ty for understanding.

    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

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  38. hey Mav its so easy to say all that..but hv u ever been where I've been?

    I know ur trying to cheer me up and I appreciate that, but I cant just shove away these ppl's memories in the attic, cos they played a big part in my life..they may be dead now but it's them who made me what I am today.


    tnxx anyways!

    Keshi.

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  39. @keshi...plz dont get me wrong ok..no i dont knw where u ve been...but then i think i knw tht u knw how to come out of it too :)


    but I cant just shove away these ppl's memories in the attic, cos they played a big part in my life..they may be dead now but it's them who made me what I am today.


    i never said u do that..all i said was look forward to whats there in front of u now...n im sure all those ppl did a great job in making wat u r today...no doubt abt tht :)

    chk ur mail if u can :)

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  40. Hey Keshi,
    How r u doing?
    A very emotional post to read first thing in the morning...

    I wish my Grandmom was here.. she loved me immensely.. i always loved to call myself her fav grandchild.. :)and i think more than me.. my mom misses her and cries a lot..

    I wish my cousin bro was here. He was only 35 when he died in an accident..
    I want my Guruji bak..he was my spiritual guru..my lifeline!! Life seems completely empty without him..
    Nehow..

    U take care keshi
    Hugggsss!!!

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  41. i lost a frnd last june...and this post really struck a chord in my heart...it was so heartbreaking when i went and visited his mum...there are over 200 pictures of him on the walls of their home...he was only 17...he din deserve it...many dont...

    havent been here in sooo long! lol i feel so overwhelmed everytime i come here and read a post...

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  42. Mav I know u mean well. but I wanna feel it fully when Im feeling them, their memories..I dun wanna just think abt something else..cos deep down these thoughts r there anyways.

    Anyways dun worry..I aint mad at ya :):)


    *HUGZ* n TY!


    Keshi.

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  43. ohh thanks Hun.. u take care :)

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  44. aww Swati HUGGGGGGGGZ!

    ** i always loved to call myself her fav grandchild.

    my grandma used to say the same..she always told me 'You're a different child..compared to all my other grandkids...ur special'...Im crying as I type this.



    **I wish my cousin bro was here. He was only 35 when he died in an accident

    OMG Im so sorry to hear that *HUGZ*!

    This post so far revealed to me that so many ppl r missing so many loved-ones in their lives!!


    Keshi.

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  45. And Swati..

    ur Guruji must be reading ur comment and smiling now...Im pretty sure..

    Smile hun...cos we r all going thru the same, missing and remembering our dear ones right here together...


    Keshi.

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  46. dat made me sad...really sad :(
    im sooo scared of death!

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  47. Nichi I rem him...even the post u wrote for him.

    He was only 17...how sad.

    Why I wrote the ages of each person in this post is to show that DEATH is common to all..DEATH dun choose skin color, race, character or age...DEATH just dun choose.


    *HUGZ* My prayers to ur darling friend's soul!


    Keshi.

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  48. Gunj sweetie HUGZ!

    dun be scared...read my reply to Michi just above on DEATH.

    besides Death is a part of LIFE.

    Im not scared to die..but I cant bear it when others ard me die. but having been thru all those deaths, Im almost there..


    Keshi.

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  49. hmm...jus chk up on d mail..n lemme knw if it helps??

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  50. Thanks!!
    Yes.. dont worry.. I am smiling. :)
    Life's cruelties dont spare anyone. Instead of dwellling in our own sorrow all the time, its better to help others with their pain..dont knw how much i do but i try to..
    At times, its too difficult to control. Especially when I look at my cousin's kids..they lost their mom much before their dad(my cousin) passed away... they r too young and are all alone in this world.. nobody else can give them that kind of love n support..

    but am good.. you too keep smiling :)
    thanks! :)
    lots of love...
    swati

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  51. hi keshi...so sad to hear the ppl u missed.. i would like to have my grandpa back! ter are so many things i wan to talk to him.. :( i miss him so much

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  52. Its so true sweets. Only we know the true feelings of our memories and pain. *HUGGIZ*

    And sweets..I read about why you wrote da post.

    *HUGZ*

    Lovezz

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  53. Death...
    ahh
    its very complex..
    but I will search for the blog ids of inmates of heaven...
    then we can kno the facts from there straights ... :)

    *hugs- if u need dis*
    * tight hug - if u dont need it *

    :P

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  54. two person - one, my grandfather. he brought me up as his child, and i only hv some blurred memory about him. wish to know him more.
    another one would be my chinese fren - she passed away in an accident outside the school and i was the last person who spoke to her. it has been 9 years since her passing, but i am still unable to accept it.

    :(



    ammu.

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  55. I sympathize. Coming up in my life in just a few days is the 17 years anniversary of the suicide of one of the most lovely, troubled blokes I ever knew. He was 22 years old at the time. It still tears my heart out and always will.

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  56. It would be my uncle shyam, who still lives in my memories, dreams and imaginations. if he lived still, he would be a shadow for many needed people around him, including me. He was loving me so much, everyday I could see him smiling at me whenever I was watching from balcony his arrives to his mechanical shop. Every one of us in our family misses him more than anything.

    Hugsss dear.

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  57. ** If wishes were a bridge, I'd be able to cross it and meet all these people.
    just a few days back, I mentioned something similar in reply to Solitaires gadget post ... that i wud wish for a phone which wud enable ppl on earth to talk to their loved ones in heaven ...

    and death is the only certainty in otherwise life which is full of uncertainties ... so i actually do believe that all should face the loss of their loved ones with a bit of equanimity ...

    btw u know wat? u are better off than few ppl like me who somehow (dont ask why) cant share/express their feelings of loss ...

    tc

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  58. as i grow older i know that iam going to bear witness to more deaths and more loss...

    more often its the ones that are left behind who hve to deal with the loss...

    u keep that smile on ur face always...sometimes a shield is necessary to survive

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  59. hiiiiiiiiiiiii keshu!!
    how've u been?
    been long time...missing your post...
    nice to read them as always

    big hugzz to u dear...there shudn't be any tears in your eyes u just be happy we love to see you smiling always!!!
    Muahhzzz

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  60. smile and smile and smile...this a last line of a poem ...forgot which one...it reminds me of that poem...thought it was about a girl leaving her mom...

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  61. Uhh... I'm sorry to hear about this keshi... I understand your feeling when people around us die... sigh...
    Somehow, keshi, do live a happy life in the present.. we just have one life and let live it to the fullest...

    btw keshi, I'm interested to know about how you put the youtube in such a small size and automatic play? I've tried to shrink it but it's not as nice as yours.. oh ya...I've entered a video blog competition and will end on 7th.. need vote.. feel free to vote me.. ;)

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  62. such a heartfelt post....death is indeed so shocking and we wonder wat happens after death....so many near and dear ones r taken away from us so suddenly :(

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  63. Keshi,
    Take care and Keep Smiling.

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  64. Well, Missing people, is definitely not the brightest side of life.... but.... isn't that, what makes them so special....

    the untouched cheek...
    the unwritten letter....
    the unbroken promise....

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  65. Few are just to spread smiles KeshiGirl!!!

    Keep Smiling...

    P.S. A small dedication to you. Smile

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  66. What a wonderful reminder of those who are gone and some at a very young age. Keshi I pray you find comfort for those you lost. Some were way too young.

    I miss my dad who died at 61 of cancer.

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  67. [hugs]

    Very difficult question Keshi.

    My first thought is my parents - to see them again, talk with them, laugh with them and perhaps even cry with them.

    My second thought is that even though it was a terrible thing to loose them I gained so much by their passing. I became a much better person for the loss, it taught me how precious life is and that we should enjoy it while we can.

    My third thought is not to change anything... all is as it should be. I am sure I will see my parents and others who have passed again some day.

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  68. There are two ways to look at death - mourn that they are here no more or celebrate their existence and what legacy they left behind...

    Understand your dilemmna...

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  69. a hearttouching piece!!!
    i dunno keshi..most of the people i want in my life are here with me!!!...my parents..my brother..my friends...
    but yeah my grandparents..if they were here today ..it would have been a nicer worl for me!!!

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  70. There are lot of people....
    my grandparents, my uncle, my aunt, my cousin....list is endless...:).

    The biggest one is My buddy J....he was not family, but he was more than brother....:).

    I pray to god every day for few minutes..All my loved ones are happy where ever they are!! when i am up there i want the sit next J...Its the best sit in the house!!

    death is inevitable. we all have to go its sad but thats the ultimate truth!!

    keshi, i have never seen person like u who cared for fellow blogger. i am glad u cared for janice, eventhough u never met her!
    i feel bad for her husband..poor guy...he lost his wife and unborn child...may god give him strength to come out of this!

    Your loved ones wants u to be happy...
    whether we are here or not
    "Show Must Go On Keshi"

    Peace!!

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  71. It's so strange seeing a list of the people you miss... I wish so many people were here, but not formyself. for my dad - both his parents. for my grandad - his sister. I wish I could have my grandad back so i could spend so much more time with him, instead of thinking now about how little time we did.

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  72. Rian...i still have his number..and even dial it sometimes hoping against hope that he will answer it

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  73. Hi Keshi

    IT's been real busy.

    This was a sad, but heartfelt post.

    There are two people who I wish I can see.

    Have a great weekend!

    I have to travel west to work on a
    project. Should be back in two weeks.

    Bev

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  74. U still blog!!
    so regularly!!!!????!!!!!!

    I'm amazed again wid u keshi
    How are you....
    I think the world might turn upside down but Keshi ad her blogger friends with hundreds of comments will always be there!
    :)

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  75. I wish i would get to talk to my old roomate from boarding school... akshay.. i have lived in boarding since m 10..and really m not close to the family like i am to my friends... he dies at 18... in a road accident.. wel weer roomads from the 4th standard till first year in college... and well... what all we used to jooke.. everytime one used to cry..other used to say..stop crying or i'll tell ur kids that u cry... ..at that time it felt silly...but i wish he comes back..n well that we can really fulfill those dreams...

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  76. hi keshi....what a warm hearted post. it's unfortunate that this kind of things happen. remember your dad is watching you :)

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  77. So sorry to hear about your losses Keshi.

    Who stays alive in this world, and who doesn't is sometimes beyond our control. All we can do is keep them alive in our memories. May they RIP.

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  78. Hi Keshi!
    When I got up today (4am), first I started to read your post.
    I couldn't stop to cry.

    I didn't know Janice. But I read her blog and last commets.
    Your still visits (not only yours, Jim too)
    her blog is very moving.
    What a beautiful friends are in the Blogosphere!
    I cannot stop to cry.

    Thank you so much for this lesson!

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  79. been a while since i really cried, guess i made my heart so cold that I cant cry anymore. these past few days, i read a post bout death from Pallavi and then you. And I went to Janice's blog just now and scrolled down to the last bit of comments from you, I am so sad now. I cant imagine the time and again that you commented without reply. and then all ended.

    could you tell me how you got to know her death da?

    If there is a heaven, there should not be a hell. All are gods children, one day, we shall all meet again at a different place, only this time there wont be death anymore.

    hugs and love.

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  80. Three weeks ago a very good friend of mine hung himself.
    I miss him terribly but I don't wish he was still here.
    I assume he had good reasons for doing what he did...

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  81. Too many people to mention

    ((Keshi))
    xx
    pinks

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  82. Hi Keshi

    I'll be here till Monday.

    Check out my blog. You might like the changes. The player has a menu, plus you can scroll down on the screen.

    Have a good one! Will be back!

    Hugs

    Bev

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  83. People come and go on the screen of our lives and only the memories of them linger on. People who passed away and whom we terribly miss, sometimes occupy the inner recesses of our mind. The only thing that matters is that, have we given them our time and love when they were still around? Thanks for the poignant post. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  84. My cousin Toni who died in a car accident when she was only 17.

    I still feel her around sometimes, it's comforting.

    ReplyDelete
  85. aww..keshi..what happened? *hugs* hope you make peace with yourself...

    you know what's scary about growing old...u start looking around andsee your grandparents looking verry old and you fear...you see your parents are not that young anymore and you fear..teh worst part is that they are all living away and you dread every call which comes late at night...

    if i were to want some one back....it would be the ones who passed away last year...needlessly and a wish to see and know my paternal grandparents...they must have been wonderful to have made my father who he is...

    u take care girl...okay? and look into the future...which you are a part of...

    ReplyDelete
  86. Keshi, how are you today?
    Come back to Short and Sweet. The translation is waiting for you. And see what jim has done..

    ReplyDelete
  87. Hey Keshikins
    How are you doing today?

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  88. Mav tnxx!

    Ur email was good..but I cant u'stand why God gave us all these FEELINGS and is now asking us not to worry abt such things. Doesnt make sense to me. Is He drunk? :)


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Swati hey!


    **..they lost their mom much before their dad(my cousin) passed away... they r too young and are all alone in this world.. nobody else can give them that kind of love n support..

    OMG thats so sad! They lost their mum too?? And yes, no one can replace PARENTS.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  90. aww Anits...I miss my grandpa too..even tho I was only abt 6 when he died...I sometimes wonder what great convos we cud hv had if he was still ard..cos now we r alot older..


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  91. aww ty Sourish n HUGZ!


    **but I will search for the blog ids of inmates of heaven...


    hehe cute..u think they'll still call me KESHI up there? :)

    And I'd know ya straight away from ur sexy glasses hehe..


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  92. HUGZ Ammu!

    Grandparents r so precious!


    And ur Chinese friend..I rem u blogged abt that friend. I dunno wut to say cos that must hv been very traumatic to experience...

    *MWAH*

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Judge I feel ur pain n tears...HUGGGGGGGZ!

    **Coming up in my life in just a few days is the 17 years anniversary of the suicide of one of the most lovely, troubled blokes I ever knew

    thats so sad. Cos thats what happened to Dan too...one afternoon he just jumped in front of a train. No he wasnt crazy...he was going thru a tough time with some court-case. He was a bright guy with a bright future. A s/w consulant...a Uni graduate...a wonderful mate.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Jeevan from ur comment, I cud almost feel uncle Shyam's wonderful spirit.


    **He was loving me so much, everyday I could see him smiling at me whenever I was watching from balcony his arrives to his mechanical shop.

    that made me smile, with tears...


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  95. heyya Hiren!


    ** that i wud wish for a phone which wud enable ppl on earth to talk to their loved ones in heaven ...

    aww...



    **and death is the only certainty in otherwise life which is full of uncertainties ...

    yes and it's the only thing that can break ppl into pieces.


    **so i actually do believe that all should face the loss of their loved ones with a bit of equanimity ...

    I know Hiren..but its so much more easier said that done :)


    tnxx anyways!


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  96. ty Tys!


    **as i grow older i know that iam going to bear witness to more deaths and more loss

    true..but it doesnt make the pain any lesser Tys.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Nitika omg HUGZ n WB!

    So nice to see ya bak :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  98. yes Vish..a smile can hide alot of pain...

    can ya tell from my pic that Im sad?

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  99. ty Curry!

    **we just have one life and let live it to the fullest...

    yes but that doesnt mean we dun think abt those who r gone, right? :)


    hey I'll come ard to help u with the YouTube video sizing...hang ten ok.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Heyy Rush.Me ty and WC in here :)


    **the untouched cheek...
    the unwritten letter....
    the unbroken promise

    beautifully expressed...


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Ankur that was so sweet of ya! I was speechless as I read it...


    *HUGZ*

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  102. @keshi..morning...

    well as mentioned in the conversation in the mail..sometimes the answer is a NO...thts life..if u corelate all the answers..they make sense...

    newaz replied to the mail :)

    ReplyDelete
  103. Nadine tnxx hun!


    **I miss my dad who died at 61 of cancer

    *HUGZ* I cant even imagine ur pain but I do know what it is to lose a father.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  104. aww Milady HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! U sure must miss ur parents very much. I dun even know if I can live w.o. my mum..


    **I became a much better person for the loss, it taught me how precious life is and that we should enjoy it while we can.

    I agree..such experiences give u a new lease in life.


    **My third thought is not to change anything... all is as it should be

    I believe in that too. Everything happens as it should. But that doesnt make the pain go away Milady :(


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  105. ty Ceedy!

    **mourn that they are here no more or celebrate their existence and what legacy they left behind

    cant we do both? Why the OR? :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  106. aww Sushmita u'd love it if ur grandparents had met ur husband too ha?

    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  107. ty KP!

    **The biggest one is My buddy J....he was not family, but he was more than brother

    Sounds like J is such a nice dude. Sorry to hear abt his death.


    Janice oyeah..Im sure she's still calling me 'dumbass' in Heaven hehe...she used to affectionatly call me that.


    *HUGZ*


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  108. ty Niyara!


    **I wish so many people were here, but not formyself. for my dad - both his parents. for my grandad - his sister.

    how sweet of u to wish that for others...


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Dhruv hey how hv ya been? Missed ya.


    **Rian...i still have his number..and even dial it sometimes hoping against hope that he will answer it


    aww...I rem him. u blogged abt him and I went n checked his blog..n cried.

    I still hv Dan's number too...in my cell. I dialled it a couple of times...I dun even know why!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  110. G'day Bev!

    **There are two people who I wish I can see.

    HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ Luv! I know who they r..ur parents. Im sorry if I made u sad?

    Im gonna miss ya..come bak soon ok.

    TC
    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  111. hey Punjabi WB :)

    yep Im still here..but dunno for how much longer...next time ur here, I may not be ard hehe.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  112. aww Samby ur comments was a real tear-jerker..


    **and really m not close to the family like i am to my friends... he dies at 18... in a road accident..

    thats so sad! *HUGZ*


    u still hv the memories..never let em rust. keep his memory alive, always.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  113. hey Kesh
    come to Solitaire's 'STOP' blog and join us women bitch about Jimbo the freak!!

    ReplyDelete
  114. true Carolinagal...keep the memories alive. Thats why I blog abt em from time to time..I can never FORGET.

    *HUGZ*

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  115. hey Krys awww....


    *HUGZ*


    **Your still visits

    yes I hv been visiting Janice's site for the last 3yrs..even after she disappeared w.o. notice. I didnt believe her death until someone confirmed it for me. The bubz was due in Dec 2005...and look how hauntingly quiet her blog is now...somehow all that excitement and fun just stopped one day...and only silence resides in that blog right now.


    Some memories r piercing my heart.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  116. aww ty Ghosty!


    **guess i made my heart so cold that I cant cry anymore.

    yes! me too. but my tears r in invisible form now. cos there r no more tears left to shed.


    **And I went to Janice's blog just now and scrolled down to the last bit of comments from you, I am so sad now. I cant imagine the time and again that you commented without reply. and then all ended.

    yes..total silence. But I go there even now..just to tell Janice that I hvnt forgotten her..that she was not just a blogger for me..she was more than a sister, more than a contact, more than just a blogger Id.


    **could you tell me how you got to know her death da?

    Read my reply to Veenz right at the top of this comment section. Cos she asked the same qn.


    *HUGZ* Ghosty!


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  117. hey Fingers Im so very sorry mate..HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


    **I miss him terribly but I don't wish he was still here.
    I assume he had good reasons for doing what he did..


    Im so like ya Fingers..i never judge ppl when they commit suicide. No one can get in the shoes of another person to judge what it is like to walk in them.


    *HUGZ*

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  118. aw tnxx Pink n hey WC!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Phoso lets just say Blue life :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  120. I did Bev, that was great! :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  121. tnxx Mel!

    ** The only thing that matters is that, have we given them our time and love when they were still around?

    true..but sometimes I feel I was not there for Dan when he needed me the most.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  122. hey Stepher!

    **My cousin Toni who died in a car accident when she was only 17.
    I still feel her around sometimes, it's comforting.

    HUGZ luv! I got goosebumps reading ur comment..n she was so very young!


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  123. aww ty TA HUGZ!

    **....it would be the ones who passed away last year...needlessly and a wish to see and know my paternal grandparents

    ur dad must miss em alot. And sometimes grandparents can be the bestfriends u'll ever have. I know my grandma was not only my gradnma but was my bestfriend...she used to crack jokes all the time :)



    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Im good ta Solitaire and urself?

    tnxx n MWAH!

    Keshi

    ReplyDelete
  125. Im good ty sweetie Carolinagal and u?

    *HUGZ*

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  126. hey Mav!

    **..sometimes the answer is a NO...thts life..if u corelate all the answers..they make sense...

    I know that..we dun get everything we want in life. But why ask not to worry, and to blockout certain feelings? Why r ppl so afraid to be sad? Feeling sad is as real as feeling happy.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  127. k Carolinagal Im on my way LOL!

    tnxx!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Carolinagal I cant see Solitaire's STOP blog anymore :( it has been like that for the past few days. I dunno why tho.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  129. @keshi...

    agreed feeling sad is as real as feeling happy is...
    but then is feeling is what u wanna do?? in my personal opinion...feeling sad makes u go back in time n get lost there for a time span which may or maynot be good for u urself...no one else concerned....when u do tht...more often than not..u end up loosing sight of the present/future howsoever small that period of loosing sight shall be...n during tht phase u may end of affecting the course of events undesirably...

    secondly when u r feeling sad u dont realise that the world around u is in the same time frame...n u end up doing saying stuff that can b taken negatively even tho u didnt intend it to be tht ways...

    so feeling sad is a reality...n its not being scared off it...its more about letting it pass off..and trying to b happy abt it..

    there are always 2 options..the one u shud take n the one u take :)

    ReplyDelete
  130. i am emailing u the link...come right over!!

    ReplyDelete
  131. arrrgh....i know ur pain keshi....and my heart twists and breaks at those who have left us...

    it makes me so mad to hear about 'honour-killings' - it's just unbelievable. i wish i could DO something.

    i see those tears behind that smile and so here is a hug from me to you *HUG*

    ReplyDelete
  132. @keshi
    (without the typographical errors)



    @keshi...

    agreed feeling sad is as real as feeling happy is...
    but then is feeling sad is what u wanna do?? in my personal opinion...feeling sad makes u go back in time n get lost there for a time span which may or maynot be good for u urself...no one else concerned....when u do tht...more often than not..u end up loosing sight of the present/future howsoever small that period of loosing sight shall be...n during tht phase u may end of affecting the course of events undesirably...

    secondly when u r feeling sad u dont realise that the world around u is not in the same time frame...n u end up doing saying stuff that can b taken negatively even tho u didnt intend it to be tht ways...

    so feeling sad is a reality...n its not being scared off it...its more about letting it pass off..and trying to b happy...

    there are always 2 options..the one u shud take n the one u take :)

    ReplyDelete
  133. KeshiGirl...

    the only problem is that u misspell my name there! :|


    Cheers!!!

    ReplyDelete
  134. HEY YOU OK??????????? i am having bad thoughts again.................

    I want my grandma back.....and my sister who died at 10 years old last year.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I wish my Dad is still around with me *sob*

    ReplyDelete
  136. ty Mav!

    it all makes sense if u hadnt lived my experiences. :)


    **the one u shud take n the one u take

    I know. But I dun go by what I SHOULD do..I go by what I FEEL.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  137. o sorry abt that Ankur :(

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  138. aww Silvara ty so much for u'standing me hun. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  139. WOW Kaylz ur sis died, and how?

    Im so sorry HUGZ!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  140. *HUGZ* Shionge I know how u feel!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  141. @keshi..

    it all makes sense if u hadnt lived my experiences. :)


    well all of us can say that...there will b experiences on my side u wudnt ve lived...

    anyways...i jus hope u r doing better n good :)

    ReplyDelete
  142. yeah Mav all of us can say that..yes I know.

    But this is my blog and I write abt my feelings here. This is not a place just to hv fun only. Its a sacred place where my every emotion is revealed.

    And if u think Im wallowing in self-pity, then ur wrong. My blog is a place where I give a voice to my inner feelings..and now whether my readers like my posts or not, I really cant bother abt it. If u think Im being negative, then I cant help it either.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  143. In short, I write for myself.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  144. And Mav, hv u ever woken up one morning (say when ur 15) and found ur dad dead next to ya?

    I dun wanna ask these sort of qns..I know everyone has their cross to bear. But this is abt my feelings..this is my blog..and I write abt things that have happened in my life. And I'd like ppl to respect that.

    tnxx!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  145. But this is my blog and I write abt my feelings here. This is not a place just to hv fun only. Its a sacred place where my every emotion is revealed.

    keshi..i knw tht..n its commendable..not everyone can do tht :)


    And if u think Im wallowing in self-pity, then ur wrong. My blog is a place where I give a voice to my inner feelings


    i never wrote anything tht was intended to suggest that in any stretch of imagination :) i knw wat ur blog means to u :)


    and now whether my readers like my posts or not, I really cant bother abt it. If u think Im being negative, then I cant help it either.


    i never said anything abt u being negative...n if i hadnt liked ur posts..i wudnt ve been here :)..sounds logical enuf?? :)

    my only concern as i ld like to phrase it was u being ok..gues it got lost somewhere between..sincere apologies for tht :)

    ReplyDelete
  146. Mav yes u never SAID any of that but u MEANT alot of that by saying things like 'everyone can say this' etc.



    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  147. cos this aint abt EVERYONE..this is abt MY life.

    keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  148. @keshi...

    once again..i ld apologize for the incorrect usage of word to frame the sentence.. it wasnt suppose to go across as it went out..

    ReplyDelete
  149. wut else cud u hv meant by 'Everyone can say the same' Mav?

    Im quite confident there can only be one 'Keshi's life'. Just like there can only be one 'Mav's life'. The 2 can never be compared and should never been see as the same.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  150. aww Steve HUGS!

    Mums r the BEST ppl in this world!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  151. I've traveled the same path Keshigirl... and I'm still waiting for it to stop hurting.

    And it wont

    ReplyDelete
  152. @keshi..

    i wrote this...
    well all of us can say that...there will b experiences on my side u wudnt ve lived.

    here the universe of ppl concerned was me n u...n i made a direct statement indicating that...the underlying meaning being..we all have experiences and lives and they cant be compared...just like what u mentioned in ur last comment....

    i have apologized for the wrong framing of the sentence..n i ld like to end this discussion bcos its not doing any good to either of us...thts my presumption...n feeling..if u ld like then i ll apologize again for it :)

    ReplyDelete
  153. Macadamia hun isnt that so true..it just wont stop hurting.

    *HUGZ* luv!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Mav u dun need to apologize.

    **being..we all have experiences and lives and they cant be compared

    yes I know that..Im not saying Im the only one, am I? Thats why asked all of my readers to mention who they miss. And also, just cos everyone else has gone thru the same shit, it doesnt make me feel any better...should it??

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  155. THIS IS YOUR BEST EVER POST..left me emotionally shuddered

    ReplyDelete
  156. God Bless all these ppl keshi . I'd like to blv they are in a better place and are watching over their fav ppl on earth.


    BTW..i looooooooove this song!

    ReplyDelete
  157. Babe..there are many who I'd love to have with me right now.
    The choice aint easy..and I'm not gonna make it.
    But this post was amazing. And the ending lines, struck a chord deep inside...

    ReplyDelete
  158. Hi,Keshi-you must've read my mind-just yesterday,I was also debating on whether to write a post on people whom I wish were around,and,today I see a post from you on the same topic!!In fact,I went a step further and wondered..err,I'll keep that wondering for my post.TC,and,be happy with the thought that these lovely people must be happy Up there,and,watching you,being happy when you are,being sad when you're sad...so,you can't let them down,na?Think of them as a guiding light,always!

    ReplyDelete
  159. yup... we will not forget about those who has left us... I will never ever forget my granny and my lovely dog, Mandy... amitabha...

    thank you keshi.. will wait for you..
    hugs... ;D

    ReplyDelete
  160. Keshi that was a very touching post!i often wish my maternal grandpa was here to see me working as an independent woman, he wud be so happy.He was an amazing person and i m yet to come across a person who is so forward looking and progressive.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Gosh!i m too overwhelmed to say anything....but i jus cudnt stop myself from visiting Janice's blog and needless to say i hav tears in my eyes....i dunno wht to say...please excuse me..........

    ReplyDelete
  162. i really dunno wot to say, death is a grim reality and experiencin some1 close go away at a tender age can have a huge impact on u..i dont wish to talk abt this but i do have certain images so vivid in my memorey though i was only 5 wen i witnessed 'em..they make me insecure..i wish my granma was here with me..

    beautifully expressed keshi..mwah.

    ReplyDelete
  163. 173 comments!!!! does that mean people r missing some1 they love/like too much???
    well, in my case, i would like to have my love returned back to me frm heaven. her name is vidya. she died in an accident in pune

    ReplyDelete
  164. a very touching post....i'm reminded of my grand-mom, who died last year. Unfortunately, I wasnt there during her final days. :-(

    I did a similar post on my blog, last year.

    -Rama.

    ReplyDelete
  165. ty Pavi!

    *HUGZ*


    -----------------------------------

    hey Ghosty...


    -----------------------------------

    aww tnx Cinderella!


    *HUGZ*


    -----------------------------------

    really AmitL? wow :)


    n tnxx n HUGZ!


    -----------------------------------

    tnxx hun @Curry



    -----------------------------------


    hey Ria...


    **wish my maternal grandpa was here to see me working as an independent woman, he wud be so happy

    aww HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


    I know how u feel...even my dad didnt get to see past the 16yr old me.



    Abt Janice..all I hv is *TEARZ*

    -----------------------------------


    aww Elusive tnxx!


    *..i wish my granma was here with me..


    *HUGZ*


    -----------------------------------

    Satish hey tnxx!

    ** her name is vidya. she died in an accident in pune

    OMG thats so sad. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

    She was ur GF?


    -----------------------------------

    aww Rama that must hurt alot...

    **i'm reminded of my grand-mom, who died last year.

    HUGZ I rem that post. So touching...



    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Hey chicka how you been? This one reminded me of my uncle. I still cannot talk about it without getting angry. Have you ever been angry at someone for dying?

    ReplyDelete
  167. extremely sad post. i remember reading janice's blog in 2005. this is positively heartbreaking, especially reading her last post...that she planned to "be a good mom."

    xoxo from Canada.

    ReplyDelete
  168. ty Satish!


    ----------------------------------

    Shrew HUGZ! Im so sorry to hear abt un uncle.. :*(


    **Have you ever been angry at someone for dying?


    yes! Many times. When I think of my dad or Dan or Janice, I sometimes kick the wall and cry in so much of frustration.


    -----------------------------------


    Vesper ty darling!


    ** i remember reading janice's blog in 2005.

    u knew Jan?


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete

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