That Thing Called LUUURVE

With the dawn of Valentines Day, must I tell you how irritated I am. Not cos I'm single and I most probably won't be getting flowers/chocs or those claustrophobic teddy-bears. What I'm irritated about is that Vals Day has become such a big marketing drama and it's all about products and nothing else. Do you need a day to celebrate/declare your love to someone? It's plain stupid. On this day, lovers around the world spend alot of money trying to woo their partners, some hoping for a quick fix to their failing r'ships and some others buying meaningless shit as a token of love. LOVE cannot be sold or bought, LOVE isn't a tangible asset. I mean, if you can be a faithful, loving and caring partner all year long, then that's all that really matters. Maybe for some people, sending chocs/flowers on Vals Day is much easier than that.

Well anyways, here's what I read on the papers the other day. That on Vals Day here in Aus, alot of people send horrible messages/gifts to their ex-partners, cos Vals Day also means Payback Time. LOL isnt that cool? Cos that's my kind of sadistic Vals Day hehe. Apparently some people send a smelly dead fish to their EXs while some others send a gift box with a note saying 'Words fail me'...and when you open the box, it's got an illustration of the middle finger up. Haha words seemed to have failed indeed! Then there are some others who send funeral wreaths to their EXs...and some apparently send Deepest Condolences messages. One person sent a card saying 'You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment'. So there are florists/websites that actually provide such services on Vals Day. Some web-sites also offer to send black roses, just the stems of roses or funeral wreaths. Love experts say that it's a way of dealing with recent and/or bad break-ups and believe it or not, apparently doing that CAN be therapeutic. While I think that it's mean and I won't do that kind of thing to any of my EXs (Bev I'm tempted to send that dead-body-in-sunnies pic to Mr.Darcy but I won't), I think it's seriously funny and I'd just like to enjoy the humorous side of it. So here are some sadistic Vals Day gifts that Keshi could come up with for our beloved EXs.


**Send a card saying 'Won't you be my Valentine'...and when he/she opens it, it reads 'but the chances you stand are pretty low cos my brain isn't mutilated'

**Send a beautiful pic of you two during happier times with a note saying 'btw I was sleeping with Rob at the same time'.

**Send a funeral wreath with the message:
Name:Dickhead
Born: 23-06-1980 (his DOB)
Lost his/her marbles: Permanently

**Send a lovely box of chocs when opened reads 'RIP' all over.

**Send a big cosy teddy-bear that when pressed in the tummy makes horrible belching noises and laughs like Dracula on deathrow (ok I know Dracula can't be on deathrow..rolling eyes!).


**Send a card with a pic of a hot man/woman at the front saying 'baby you got it all' and when opened says ',you got it all wrong'.


**Send an Oxygen cylinder with a note which reads ' You may need this 6 feet under'.


**Send a long love letter saying all the lovey-dovey stuff and then signing off with 'And now that you're gone I don't have to put up with your reeking body-odor that always reminded me of my last trip to the zoo'.


**Send Mortein-sprayed black paper roses.


**Send a fake Police notice reading 'You're under arrest for being you - a Romance criminal'.


**Send a bottle of perfume reading 'Flammable when sprayed'


**Send a heart-shaped card that reads 'Your heart is as small as your certain body parts are'.


**Send a card with a pic of Cupid reading 'I was under the influence of alcohol when I shot the arrows at you and now Jenny put me in prison cos of that - get me out plz!'.


**Send a card with a pic of Cupid crying in a corner with the message 'I have never been so wrong in my Love career baaawaaaaaaaa!'.


**Send 'A book of Love' when opened shows gory pictures from the movie 'Fatal Attraction'.


**Send a card that says 'Stuck on you' and when opened says 'like how a fly would be stuck on crap - glad I shed my fly-life'.


**Send a bullet-proof vest with a note saying 'To be worn only when you walk out the door lovey'.


**Send a Massage gift voucher that reads ' Massage parlour address: City Morgue'.


**Give him/her a call and say 'Happy Valentines Day to you! As a Valentines Day gift for you one of your exs just let us know that she/he is suffering from a certain rare contagious disease that you didn't know of when you 2 dated. So we want you to be tested immediately. Is that a good Vals Day gift btw?'.

**Send a note saying 'Roses are red, Violets are blue, If I were a paper-shredder, I'd choose you'.

Now please make up your own sadistic lines and share with me. And by all means enjoy Vals Day the way you like it folks :). Remember true Love cannot be demonstrated through an off-the-shelf product. It can only be made to feel. Have a great day with your loved-ones! btw I'm kissing all the boys today, who's first?...MWAHHHHH!





Current Music: Somethin' Stupid by Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman