The Shallow Depth

How about a woman who speaks openly about her desires, one who is not afraid to say how she really feels? I have always been someone who is not afraid to speak her mind. I don't care who I'm dealing with, I tell how I honestly feel. I'm someone who loves to express. Don't get me wrong, I try to be very polite while doing it. And when I write blog-posts I'm very honest with my feelings...be it about an experience in the mountains or a handsome man I came across. It doesn't bother me what people would think about me, I write how I exactly felt at that moment. Why should I write it any differently? Who am I trying to score points from? Life is about being who you are. It's not about trying so hard to stick to a bunch of 'social' rules just to get a good name from everyone. I don't want just a good name. I just want to be me.

Why am I saying all this? Cos I have a message for those who don't have an ability to think beyond labelling a woman a 'whore' just cos she wears a boob-tube or speaks her mind better than them. While being jealous is quite normal, it really shouldn't make you put the other person down or make them feel like they are shallow just cos they've got some beauty or talent or brains or simply because they are different from you. The point is no one has to be just like you. We are all different and we all value different things in life. Be jealous if you feel it, but don't let it stoop you to levels so low that you become blinded by it. Sometimes my posts can be quite raw...be it a HNT or my feelings about a guy I met or some other experience. But does that make me shallow? I guess not. People are so quick to judge based on just one or two lines they read or based on a pic. Just cos my posts are raw that doesn't mean I go sleeping around. Neither am I out to date every guy I meet. Neither am I desperately in NEED of a man. There are people I meet, admire and write about. There are also a million people I DON'T write about. Just cos I write about my interesting experiences that doesn't mean I am easy and that I live in a fantasy world. If I was so easy and in need of a man, I should be with some guy by now - just any guy. But I don't fall in love that easily. Lust is natural to anyone btw unless ofcourse you have hormonal issues. Well I'm just enjoying being me and expressing my true feelings. And if you don't like that or if it makes you think I badly need a shag, then there's something that you need to sort within yourself. You are probably unhappy with yourself so you want to give someone else a cheap label. It's quite sad actually. Blogs don't have a tool to show the tone of the posts...that's the down-side to blogs...cos even the fun posts can be taken the wrong way. But you know what...I really don't give a damn about that either. So I like men, I like them around me, I'm attracted to them, I'm in need of some loving, I'm such a brag, I'm this, I'm that. So what's wrong with being me? And how about yourself? I bet you're just jealous ha and you probably don't know how to enjoy life. So it's really not my fault is it?

The depth of a person lies in his/her character and abilities. That's what I believe. Maybe it's in their ability to make friends...to make someone else smile...to help...to be courteous...to respect...to do well in any task that comes their way...to be real..to admit to their thoughts words and deeds...to be genuinely happy for others...to be able to say something nice to a person when they deserve it. I love to make people laugh and I enjoy seeing all of you being happy reading my posts. I hope my raw posts don't offend anyone. If it did/does, I can't do anything about it (but maybe you can stop reading me) and nah I won't change for you - cos this is me. But if it's just making you jealous to an extent you want to say something nasty to me, then that's what being 'shallow' really is. So my message to you would be to control your jealousy, don't let it consume you, be smart, be happy for others and heyyy set yourself free!

And the pics btw show off my new haircut. (sorry about the greenness of em - took em with less light around. Maybe the green suits the topic of the post, hmm?). A much shorter fringe than before and bit of a trim at the back - not too much though. Don't forget that a bloke did the cutting and looks like he loves The Beatles, cos mannn now I look like Ringo Starr, HELP me if you can, I'm feeling ummm fine ;-).


Current Music: Otherside by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

HOT Coffee, WICKED Scissors!

ooh ahh Glen McGrath!

Congrats to Aussies for winning the World Cup! I waited for 11pm to come around on Sat night, getting all cosy on the couch, planning a long night watching my 2 fav countries playing Cricket, not really knowing who to support (Sri Lanka vs Australia, cmon Cricket God give me a break!) . And the match was delayed due to bad weather, bummer! It was now 1:30am and still no match, but you know like a true fan I kept myself awake with coffee and the next thing I know was it was 8am Sunday morning and I woke upto mum saying 'wake up Keshi SL is playing their last overs now'...duhhh so much for the planning to stay all night, good going Keshi, true fan you are woohoo! Well SL wasn't too bad but lets just say the weather took the game away from them ;-). You Aussies have an unhealthy addiction to sport, take a break man! And farewell to Glen McGrath, an excellent cricketer with true style, skill and sportsmanship!



I Drink HOT Coffee!

Ok do you want to know some real hot gos now? Girls get closer and be prepared to be burnt (have the fire-brigade's number ready if you wish to). A hunky Aussie male-model who flaunts his hot bottoms to some famous Jeans companies here in Aus, is the same guy who makes my morning coffee. Oyeah you heard that right! And nah Keshi isn't lying. This guy is a Hotter by default ((his name must be Harry Hotter) and I'm sure his entire family dating back to the 17th century is smokin hot even though they maybe fossils by now - HOT fossils you see. He's the coffee-shop boy who makes yummy coffee (yummier for other reasons too) every single day. I see him daily at the cafe around 9am and we just pass our Hellos and that's about it. I hardly knew he was also a model and an actor although in my head I used to think he should try it...until one fine sunny day my jaw dropped to the floor after spotting him on a Jeans poster - modelling jeans using his sizzling genes. Well it works doesnt it, cos I walked into that Jeans shop and bought some clothes. Well the heavenly sightings didn't stop there. The other day I was watching Video Hits and I saw him acting in one famous Aussie singer's music video! So I mustered up some courage and asked him something the next morning. I asked him 'Are you the guy who comes in 'XXX's music video?' and he goes 'yeah' with a shy smile. Inside my head I was like WOW, but outside I just pretended like it's no big deal. And then I asked him about the Jeans ads. He goes yeah thats me too. I was like ok boy make me more coffee, and you don't have to make it hot...cos it already is! I drink glam coffee oyeaahhh...will never leave this cafe, I promise.



Chop My Senses!

Have you ever had your hair cut by someone from the opposite sex? Well I had it done once and I walked out the salon crying, but not without telling him off. Cos he cut it too short. What was he thinking, that I'm a bloke? Well that was few years ago. Yesterday I went to my regular hairdresser and she was on leave, but I badly needed a haircut. So I thought it's ok for someone else to cut it just this time and I gave in my name and waited to be called. There were about 5 female hairdressers and one male hairdresser at the time. I was praying I don't get the guy. Well who knows, he could be a good hairdresser but my last experience with a bloke cutting my hair (rather playing let-me-bald-you-girl with his scissors) scared the 'hair' out of me! So I prayed to the Hair God asking him never to give me a guy as my hairdresser. Lo and behold, who called my name then...it was him! I was like 'no ways, what the F is going on, I even prayed to Hair God, this can't be happening...no no no!'. But I couldn't run away from the salon cos there were other customers sitting and waiting..they were all watching the horror on my face as my name was called. Maybe they thought I was losing it. So I walked towards him reluctantly and thought of saying that I changed my mind and wanna come back tomorrow. But he looked HOT and I couldn't say no to someone like him you see. TO hell with my hair, I went in! oooo he started 'feeling' my hair and asked what I wanted to do with it. I felt like saying 'why don't you play with it all day long'. Instead I told him I needed a trim and a nice layering at the front - boring convo, I know. He started chopping it from the back (snip snip snip..ah ah ah!) and then started chatting with me...casually you see. He goes 'what you doing today?'...I felt like saying 'spending time with you hunker'...LOL! Instead I just told him I had a function to attend in the evening which was true. He asks me few more silly things and we talked about Cricket...and I told him I'm originally from Sri Lanka. He goes 'the surf is great there'. OMG a HOT surfer was cutting my hair? Keshi nearly fainted but got herself all straightened up and pretended like nothing was happening (while alot was actually happening!). If you didn't already know, I have a thing for blonde surfers - beach boys. And one such hottie was cutting my hair now? This is way better than winning a hair award! Then he tells me how he's been to SL just for surfing and that he loves the beaches there. I was like 'forget about the beaches, don't you love me'...in my head that is. Anyways he cut my hair really nice, and nah he didn't wreck it. Well when it was all over, I realised I had to leave the salon...I didn't go there to camp did I. So I reluctantly said goodbye to the cute beach boy and went home dreaming Surfers paradise mmmm! And it seems that the Hair God did answer my prayers...well in a different way...in a much better way!

Current Music: In Your Eyes by Kylie Minogue

Cleave, Crave and Bleed!

It's a half-nekked-Thursday! I give YOU the opportunity to title this post ;-). I'll select the best title and attach it to this post at the end of all of your entries. Thanks in advance! Now go for it and good luck!

And the winner is Ghee! Thanks all for your clever, witty and wonderful titles. Loved every single one of them! It was very hard to choose one winner, but Ghee's title stood out for an innate reason deep down my soul. Happy Monday and knock yourselves out with JT's music! I'm bringing sexy back... ... ...I'll let you whip me if I misbehaaaaave... ;-).

Current Music: Come Into My World by Kylie Minogue

Current Music Update: Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

Seeing Beyond

I wanted to get away from all the gory news from last week, so we set out on a beautiful trip to the Blue Mountains on Sunday...yes for the umpteenth time. I never get sick of scenic places, mainly mountains, rivers, beaches and the bush. On the way we stopped at this beautiful little church in Mulgoa (a Schoenstatt shrine- pic1). It's located in a beautiful isolated place and the peace I get from being there is just inexpressible. This church has been one of my favorites and we visit it whenever we can. After some silent moments in the church followed by a nice warm brekky, we were about to drive to the Blue Mountains when I witnessed something rather tragic. A little orange caterpillar on the ground was being savagely attacked by a big mob of black-ants. The caterpillar was alive but since the ants were too powerful and there were many of them attacking it, it couldn't do anything but wriggle it's body helplessly. I immediately went to the rescue. I picked up a dried leaf and scared the ants away (believe me it took some time to chase the greedy team away!). And then I moved the poor baby on to the leaf and put it up on a nice green shrub. It then fell down...I picked it up again and left it on the shrub. This time it could grab hold of some leaves and stay properly. I was as happy as I could be...so I clicked a shot of the caterpillar I saved that day (pic2). Have a look at the dude...now isnt he a handsome bloke? May you live happily ever after matey!

After the huge rescue operation :), we all set off to the mountains. There is a Buddhist monastery (a place where Buddhist monks live and meditate located in a forest) near the Blue Mountains. We went there first cos this is also another favorite place of our's. The silence, the trees, the little path to the meditation spots in the forest (pic3) , the bush, the birds chirping, the orange robe-clad monk, the shrine, the wild flowers (pic4)...it was a world away from the world. I felt total bliss. After spending some time praying for the lives lost and thinking of positive thoughts, we left the monastery (with great hesitation ofcourse) to a place called the Wentworth Falls. It is a beautiful spot with a view of the Mountains and a lovely waterfall at the bottom of it. The walk to the Princess Rock view was about 20mins and it was through a beautiful dense forest (pic5). The view from there was just amazing! I couldnt capture the magnitude of it through my mobile phone camera so this is the best I could do (pics 6 and 7). I know the waterfall isn't visible in pic7 but hey atleast I tried - hope you can spot it. Then we walked back to the picnic area and had lunch, chatted a little and got back on the road around 3pm. The worst time to be on the highway. Traffic was awful...saw a terrible accident on the way...the car was a total write-off. I hope the driver and any passengers are safe.

Came home and thought this to myself...there are so many things in this world to see...to do...to find joy in. But in the given period of our lives, we can only see and do so much. We all leave this world without seeing all of it...so many leave without even taking a glimpse of it. But what really matters is grasping the beauty in every little thing you see and experience, learning from it and applying it to your life for the well-being of yourself and others. Then you'd have 'seen' and 'done' more than any globe-trotter has ever seen and done.

Tomorrow is ANZAC Day (click on the link to read more on it) so it's a public holiday over here. Australia has always stood for peace, harmony and goodwill, because that's what the great ANZACS of this country achieved for their land many many years ago. In the wake of this very special day in Aus, lets remember all the precious lives that were sacrificed in wars all over the world. Lest We Forget. Today's song is "I still call Australia home" written by Peter Allen, and the video is a one-time Qantas ad performed by beautiful kids with sceneries from around the world. Enjoy!

Current Music: I Still Call Australia Home by Peter Allen

And The Winner Is?

If I turn the TV on it's all about bloodshed in Iraq - families running around carrying bodies. If I read the newspaper it's either about a rape/murder or some hate crime. What's wrong with people these days? Have killing and hurting become second nature to us - almost like going to work, eating and sleeping? Some people can't even feel or cry anymore as long as it doesn't affect them - they go on with their lives just as long as they are safe. It's appalling that the human race has deteriorated rapidly when it comes to love and compassion, while technology is advancing to high heavens. Is that what we really want? A machine-driven life? Guys all we need is Love and it's all in us. So why is it so hard for people to love? I'm not saying just go on loving everyone and that it's so easy, but what I'm saying is that it's not so very hard to feel affection for another human being, and it's not so hard to live in love, is it? Sure hate creeps in every now and then but can it reach to such high levels that one could just be happy by ending someone else's life? Most people today are like robots walking around and acting based on a piece of code in their heads that runs and controls their actions. It's almost like Love doesnt exist in natural form anymore...that it only exists in a s/w driven program, in bits and bytes, in each of our heads - "IF it benefits me THEN love...ELSE hate OR don't bother". Am I wrong? Which clause do you belong to in this condition?

And from my last post, some people questioned me why I didn't write about the Iraq tragedy and why I chose the V-Tech tragedy for a post. To me Iraq has become a highly disturbing nation - Sunnis and Shiites killing each other almost everyday. It's 24/7 on war and so is Sri Lanka...my motherland. There is a war going on for 20+ years now between the Sinhalese and the Tamils. Have you noticed I haven't written anything about my own birth country's war? Why may that be? Cos I'm TIRED of the war between the LTTE and the SL govt that has been going on for yonks. People somehow get 'used' to hearing the same old thing from such wars and they just switch off. Cos THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP THEM IF THEY DON'T WANNA BE HELPED! So I leave such issues out of my head until they themselves realise that killing each other within their own country/race/faith just for selfishness is a big mistake. They chose to kill each other. But the students who died at V-Tech were there for a noble purpose - for studies. So I blogged about the V-Tech tragedy cos I could relate to it somehow. And something like a Uni shooting doesn't happen every frikkin day does it? Besides I was an overseas Uni student at one stage here in Aus (at UNSW), living away from home and family. It's too terrible to even imagine that something like this could have happened to me and my friends. We go to a Uni to learn things, to become productive to the world, to become better citizens, to help one another, to make friends...not to get killed. That's why I wrote about it cos it's something I can attempt to advise on. A fanatic terrorist is not going to change after reading my post but an angry student may.

Just wanted to switch my mind off from what I was feeling all week ever since I heard of so many tragedies around the world in various forms. Why are we so DIVIDED? We all have red blood and a heart each. No one is superior than the other - we are ONE race. The human race that needs a break from what it has become - a blood-thirsty BEAST. It's out to bury one another and climb to the top over it's dead brothers and sisters. And the winner is? Nobody.

Current Music: One by Metallica

Not Enough Love

Yesterday when I heard the news about the Virginia Tech shootings, I was frozen in utter disbelief and grief. Yes I know that right now the world is at the brink of losing all humanity there ever was, but the shock and the pain does not get any smaller. I was disgusted at the zilch respect some people have for human life. Could this really be happening? I value human life no matter what. It could be the life of my greatest enemy or even of a murderer. But I still value human life and in no possible way can violence be justified. Most of you know that I'm a strong opponent of the Death Penalty. If it proves anything at all, it breeds more hatred and the impression of death being a normal and fit act for vengeance. 'If you can kill, then I can too'...that's all it teaches the society. On top of that, we have so-called 'lawful' weapons (what's so lawful about a weapon?), violent shows/games/music, a mad rat-race, alot of hatred and not enough love. Is it any wonder that some people think violence isn't a big deal anymore? Don't get me wrong, I still believe in non-violence and that it is the only way to peace and harmony. But ofcourse there are others who come from dysfunctional families, a loveless background and possess a media-influenced psychology. People who don't even know that if they scratch the surface of their fogged up conscience that there's something called LOVE.

Whatever said and done, no one has the right to take another's life. If you're feeling angry or a little stressed out, it doesn't give you a license to kill. Perhaps go to the gym or buy yourself an icecream or scream real loud...it helps. This life is full of disappointments for all of us but killing people don't change that. It won't solve anything at all. If you're too deranged to understand that, then obviously you are not fit to be living amongst the 'sane' people. Please turn yourself into the Police or a Mental Hospital before ruining other people's lives and yourself too. We all get only one life each...so don't steal the moments it has in store for each and everyone, and their loved-ones. It's not fair to snatch someone else's Right to live. SAY NO TO HATRED...SAY YES TO LOVE. Hatred is small...love is BIGGER than anything else in this world. Love can do wonders. So for once try to walk the often unchosen path. That is the path of LOVE.

If you're upset and feel violent, here are some tips to calm down and regain your quickly diminsihing cranium (yes I believe violence stems from cranium deficiency) :

1. Go to a mirror, look at yourself and repeat 'I'm not going to end up being a killer. I'm BIGGER than that. I'm gonna work on this'.
2. Call a friend/family-member and try to share your bottled up feelings. Vent it all out in a non-violent manner. TALK to someone.
3. THINK before you ACT.
4. If you have a weapon throw it away. Weapons don't bring solutions, they are made only for HURTING.
5. If someone hurt your feelings, then hurting that person in return is not going to make you a hero. REALISE that.
6. If you don't wanna live, that doesn't mean others don't wanna live too. They still want to LIVE. Think about it.
7. If you think you're angry/upset all the time, get professional HELP before it's too late.

And for people who know someone who's usually violent, don't ignore the warning signs! That was the biggest mistake made by the peers of the Virginia Tech gunman.

Be well, drop the weapons, pick up some love, live and let live!

Current Music: In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Keshicoccalkemia?

Disclaimer: Written with all respect to various disease-sufferers in the world. No offense intended at all. This is about a very disturbed maniac girl and her crazy fears...not about anyone else.

If you ask my mum/sis what kind of person I am, they will for sure tell you that Keshi is a hypochondriac. I won't deny that title cos I am one. I'm scared of the tiniest change that may occur in my body. The slightest rash would make me wanna surf the net and find out what it may be...and then I would worry for the next few days wondering if I'm gonna die of Meningococcal (is that how you spell it?)! If it's a sudden bruising then I'd immediately picture myself being a Leukemia patient and would worry about losing all my hair due to chemotherapy. Yes I'm that bad. Shame on you Keshi, I know. If it's a slight dizziness, OMG I'm about to faint cos I might be suffering from early Diabetes. When I have a bad headache, I'm like 'guess it's a Tumor about to blow, now have I written my Will?'. Last week I was having this stinging ache in my ear...I was picturing myself deaf for life. I swear I thought I was gonna go permanently deaf cos I never experienced that kind of ear-ache before. So I googled about it (yes I did ) and found out it could be Ear-drum failure OMG noooooo! Thank God it's not painful anymore. Once I had this pimple on my face and I was sure it's going to be the pox. It wasn't pheww! Just yesterday I had my left eye twitching again and I asked my mum if my left eye-lid was gonna give up on me for good. Mum rolled her eyes and walked away. No one believes me anymore baaaawaaaa!!I am just a very scared girl you know. But why? Cos I don't wanna be sick. I'm not afraid of dying but I'll admit I'm scared of being sick. Sickness is something we human beings will never be able to avoid but it's something I don't wanna be. I know that if I get terribly sick I'll cope somehow, but it's something I'm terrified of. And I personally don't like visiting doctors/dentists - I hate them with a vengeance. Don't ask me why. Last time I was at my doctor's surgery was ages ago and he had to run behind me to give me a needle.

When I was about 6months old, I was very ill. Apparently my mum had to sign some medical documents declaring that the docs wouldn't have been responsible if I had died. Apparently I was in the hospital with tubes all over me and basically pretty much dead (wish I was a blogger baby back then cos then I'd have enjoyed the hospital stay). Maybe I was much stronger when I wasn't aware of what this world was like. That's probably how I survived the battle back then, as a tiny baby. But right now, even though I'm much more matured and appear to be stronger, I probably am not that strong. I don't know. Maybe it was cos my dad died all of a sudden from a heart attack. Maybe cos one of my close friends is suffering from Thyroid cancer and she's very young. Maybe cos one of my young cousins is permanently deaf. Maybe cos I visited Sydney Childrens' Hospital on Saturday to see this 9yr old girl who had surgery and then I saw alot of sick kids - it broke my heart into pieces. Some kids were suffering alot. Diseases are unavoidable, I know. The Buddha saw an ailing body and left this worldy life for good. This body is deteriorating everyday...today we may have good health, tomorrow we may not. And until then we hardly realise the value of it.

OMG my heart is beating too fast right now, I better google it real fast - see yous if I don't die!

Current Music: Maniac by Michael Sembello

Follow Your Heart

Guys I was watching this rather interesting documentary on ABC last night I just have to share it with you. It was about heart-transplants, and how the acquirer of the new heart seem to get the characteristics of the donor after the transplant! There were some rather interesting case-studies and they were analysed and accepted to be true by some renowned doctors too. There was this story about a 17yr old boy who died from a car accident and he was an organ donor. His heart was transplanted into some 50yr old man later on, and he transformed into a complete sports-lover, bike-rider, mountain-climber and a very active person all of a sudden. Turns out that the donor was exactly that kind of person in life - an avid bike-rider too! There was also another story of a man who turned into a sudden poetry-lover after his heart transplant and he started to write love poems for his very old wife. When he and his family later on found out about the donor, there was a shocking revelation. That the donor of that heart always wrote poems for his loved-ones! I wonder if that's why we say that following our heart is what makes us truly happy, cos we really can't avoid it can we. So even if it's a new heart that you have, it's now our's and we follow it. WOW amazing stuff!

The medical explanation for this was that we as human beings live all our lives transferring electric signals between our brains and hearts. This makes the heart a repository of our thoughts and actions. The heart seems to save all the characteristics and keep it safe. So even after we die, our hearts contain the messages (basically what you were like when you lived). Isnt that amazing! As a result of that, when a new person gets your heart (if you're a donor) there is a high probability of them transforming to be just like you. Now it isn't a sure fact but the case-studies prove so. They are now a proven fact as per to the documentary. It was a bit difficult for me to watch it without alot of tears...cos they showed how the donors' families wanted to hear the heart-beats of their loved-ones. So they arranged to meet with the person who got the heart transplanted. There was this mother who lost his young son and she so wanted to hear his heart beating in another body. It was a very emotional thing to witness.

Anyways the interesting part was how our hearts contain our traits even after we die. I was just totally gobsmacked. Now my question to you is if you were a donor and someone else got your heart someday, and they transformed into being somewhat like you, what inherent quailities would they be acquiring from you? Tricky question ha :). Well if someone got my heart some day, they would start being vain, ultra-sensitive, grunge-loving, accident-prone (pity him/her!), total babe and super lovable you know. Now how many are after ripping my heart out and trying to plant it in them, OMG I better hide!


Happy weekend guys ;-)


Current Music: Listen To Your Heart by Roxette

Beware Of Miss.Daschund

Prognosis
Have you ever let people walk all over you without you realising it? Well apparently I have mastered that art beautifully. I have done that to the point that I became a nice smooth Phd-qualified doormat, and was quite happy being one just cos I wasn't aware I was one. Then one fine day it all dawned on me...my Doormat status and my mega Giving personality that was really making me someone else's laughing stock. Suddenly I had become the Mother Theresa for greedy opportunists. This revelation was rather sickening. And it dawned on me due to just few things I recently heard from a few so-called loved-ones. It was not with just one person but it happened with many. It was like thundering and lightning all over my head. I was like 'WHAT!! THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AUDIBLE TO ME!'. I couldn't believe I was hearing such ridiculous things, and right then I wanted to believe I was deaf-at-birth. But I couldn't lie to my ears, could I now. Fess up to it Keshi, you just heard that right and no you're not hallucinating and yes your ear-drums are functioning well (no need of an ENT specialist for that clarification). So yeah when I heard those words I realised how gullible I have been. How over the top I was with being nice to many people. How much I have been taken for granted. Those words and how I then felt about me were the horrible symptoms of my terrible terrible disease. I have just diagnosed the root cause of the shock I was experiencing by those words. And that is, I was letting people take advantage of my niceness all the time.


Treatment

I thought hard about my rather doormatish fate. I then realised it's no point yelling at those people for expecting me to be a sturdy rug. The problem was actually in me. As I self-diagnosed the cause, after all the hissy fits and tears, I had to find some kind of remedy. One that would cure my scarred heart that is now beyond plastic surgery (so yeah, plastic surgery was no longer an option - even if I did do it, my heart would still look like Pricilla Presley trying to look normal). Over-the-counter medication wouldn't help either. What I needed now was something that had to come from within my train-wreck look-alike heart itself. I had to be my own doctor. My heart had to take a small course of tablets...one that would make it not trust every Tom, Dick (yes DICK!) and Harry that comes along...one that would teach it how NOT to be too nice to people...one that would change it to be a Bitch when it really should be. So my heart is under that Bitch Antibiotics course right now people - which will transform me from being an ever-sweet Butterfly into a stinging Butterbitch that you'd wanna avoid. Be very afraid!

Off topic. If anyone out there think that posting MY pics in MY blog is THEIR business, well I've got just 2 words for ya...FUCK OFF. This is my blog, my thoughts, my pics and it's my call. Get it through your thick skull. If you think I'm vain, stupid, silly, ugly, egoistic, so full of myself for posting my pics...well then I'm all that, and I'm glad about it. Cos this is ME, not YOU (anyways who would wanna be you??). I feel good that I'm being hated for who I really am and not being just admired for who I am not. If you're jealous cos you have nothing to post about yourself and have nothing else to do than go around telling others how they should blog and what they should post, then there's a remedy for that...GET A LIFE, A JOB or just get your own blog for some self-development. You need it badly.

Current Music: You Know You're Right by Nirvana

Of Rainbows And Waves

Who really missed me? Well I missed you ALL like crazy. You really wouldnt believe it..it's only been 4 days away from blogging and I felt like I was on Death Row. I swear I did feel that way! What's with blogging that it makes you feel like you can't live without it? Must be all of you guys who give me so much loving and a whole lot of smiles everyday. Guess what? I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU GUYS! Goodness me that means I'd have to invite all of you to my wedding ha? That would be bigger than a big fat Greek wedding...perhaps I can call it My Big Fat Blogger Wedding? I was thinking if and when I get married, there would have to be a Blogville wedding too. If my man isn't a blogger then there would be a bit of a problem ha :(. Bummer! Well who cares, I'd still have a Blogville wedding. I'd invite each and everyone of you to the real wedding...would you come? I mean would you really come to Sydney?


Oh btw, I had a relaxing and happy long weekend. What about you? Friday wasn't all that great cos it was gloomy in Sydney so stayed indoors. Saturday we went over to a friends' place for lunch and it was nice. On the way back I took this picture of a Rainbow (pic 1). Isn't it pretty! On Sunday we drove to the beach...and I took these photos (pics 2 and 3) from my mobile phone as I was walking along the beach (yes I make sure I take alot of pics for all of you). I think the beach shots are so pretty I just had to share them with ya. Look at the water in the 2nd pic and oh just look at the clouds in the 3rd pic. Just MAGICAL! I think my phone rocks and I'm a good photographer too. Don't you think guys? O cmon don't be jealous, just say it out loud now ;-).

Ok next stop. I took these slut-shots of me just before we went to a BBQ on Sunday...do you like them? Tell me which one is the best out of the last 4 pics here...cos I wanna send just one of these pics to a guy. Nah it aint a marriage proposal...he's just a long-lost friend and I found him back last week. He wants to see how I look now (right now, this week hehe)...I guess the last time I saw him was like 5yrs ago. I wanna send him a nice one..so which one? Either way he's gonna tell me that I have put on. Yes I have put on some weight since 5yrs ago. I was a size 8 back then, can you believe it! Now I'm a very healthy size 10...sometimes a 12. But I like the way I am right now. Cos 5yrs ago I felt like I didn't have enough energy and I looked a bit boney, especially in the face. That was when I used to be a gym-junky. Arobics, funk, hip-hop and yoga. It was great but my life was pretty fast back then. Then I realised life is too short to waste time in a gym sweating my ass off. So I gave up gym and took up natural exercising methods such as taking long walks, cleaning around the house, walking to shops instead of driving etc etc. I really feel well now, less-stressed and I'm happier these days. I'm not fat and I aint thin either. I'm just average and I feel great. Love your body no matter what.


Something else now...yesterday I bought one of those sexy Pencil skirts...slate-colored smokin hot item. I'm wearing it today and I feel bootylicious ooh lala! Cos it's tight-fitted and my arse is sticking out real nice hehe. It's showing the curves well and I don't feel uncomfy either. Trust me, it's so hard to get a piece of clothing with that combination of needs in one. Supre did say it's sexy and it sure is! $35 for a skirt is cheap but the look and feel is pretty good. Some retail-therapy there for my broken broken heart. Why is my heart broken? Well it was never unbroken to begin with. That's another post btw.

Now don't forget to vote for one of the 4 pics below. Thanks in advance and hey I'll get back to the comments in the last post and your blogs soon. I'm very busy here at work and I hope to retain my job you see :). Thanks guys and HUGGGGGGGGGZ! It's great to be back with ya. It really feels good. Have a great week ahead guys!

Current Music: Almost Here by Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem

Current Music Update: Tequila Sunrise by The Eagles

It's TRAINning Men Hallelujah!

Ok I'm not a Train-slut (rather a Train-wreck half the time) but I do notice alot of men 'looking' at me while I commute on the train. I myself 'look' at few good-looking men every now and then, but it's rare that we both end up exchanging desperately-seeking-romp looks. Well such a rare, White-Rhino-Sighting kinda event took place this morning. I saw this blue-eyed, dark-haired, lanky guy on the train today. (The 2nd pic here is the closest pic I could find on the net to what he looked like - only his hair was much shorter. I wanted to take a pic from my mobile phone but do you honestly think I could do such things in public places without getting arrested for obscene behavior!). He must have been about 28-32yrs of age and girls let me tell you he was solid SUBSTANCE. Well He wasn't a Johnny Depp look-alike but his ordinary working-guy looks and carefree nature caught my eyes. And you think Keshi looked away from then onwards. Hell nah...I couldn't keep my eyes away from him as much as he couldn't keep his eyes away from me hehe. He was looking at me non-stop - not dirty looks but sweet innocent looks that made me feel like a Strawberry Tart being looked at by a voracious Strawberry Tart lover LOL! We both kept exchanging looks locked in our own little world but to no avail though cos he was seated and I was standing, holding this metal pole for support (thinking of pole dancing around it)...God knew I needed alot of support right then (**cough**). It was pretty obvious he had the hots for me and I had it for him too and I was being a bit of a tart too you know - why not, I'm supposed to be a Strawberry Tart aint I. What happens in such a situation? I mean when the 2 flirts can't go past just looking at each other? What happens next ha? It was a packed train in the morning rush-hour, and it certainly wasn't the time and place to pick up, was it? I mean to say 'hey girl I think I wanna go out with ya', trying hard to get that message past the many annoyed I-dun-wanna-work-today-and-why-am-I-stuck-in-a-stupid-train-right-now-when-I-should-be-dancing kinda faces . Imagine what the other passengers would do then. They'd probably roll their eyes and ask the guy to get a life or board a plane to Madagascar. I knew the guy wanted to talk to me - I could just sense it. But there was this massive barrier between us - like The Great Barrier Reef. There was this girl with a big fat back-pack on and pushing it against my breasts, yes my breasts and no I don't think she was Bi (cos I was standing right behind her facing the cute guy who was seated in front of her on the side) - OUCH you train-hog! I wanted to tap her on her shoulders and ask her to take her 'Norbit' bag off my chest cos now it had become a weapon against my rather romantic communication to an inviting species sitting across both of us. Well she had her nose buried in some book so I just thought I'd let her be and c'mon it was just a back-pack after all, not a dead body - chillax Keshi! But honestly people who wanna travel on the train with their back-packs on should get a private train for themselves called the Backpackers' Hogging Express or something. Having said that, the cutey was still very much 'on' with me and wasn't gonna give it up easily. But he had company...an older lady who was chatting to him. I was pretty sure he wasn't dating her cos she looked much older than him (old enough to be his mum or aunt, or even his dad's new GF, perhaps his neighbor, and I believe such a guy won't date an older woman unless ofcourse he's into older women and that kinda kinky stuff, what say guys?). He was talking to her while sneaking on me and that was kinda cute you know. Did I say he was cute? Well yeah he was, duh! I couldn't resist his blue-grey eyes staring at me, piercing through my eyes and reaching into my very soul. If I was Celine Dion, I'd be writing a song for the dude and would have sold whopping number of records by now. Something in his eyes told me that he knew me. HOW? Nah nah he wasn't my neighbour or my colleague. I mean I have never met this guy before yet he seemed to know me so well. We both seemed to have known each other in the past or in another lifetime. Maybe not at all. But it just seemed like that and it felt magical. Now I know this has happened to me before (I can see some of you rolling your eyes here and saying 'Keshi please get a life or drive to work')...perhaps 3 or 4 times with some strangers on the train or in the mall. Maybe it's something to do with similar genes (or his jeans)...I read somewhere that humans who carry similar genes get attracted to each other instantly and it would seem like they've known each other for yonks.

So the 30mins journey was now nearly coming to an end and I was curious to see where he'd get out at. And I felt he was curious to see where I'd get out at too. His lady friend got off earlier and now that he had no distractions, he kept looking at me just like that and smiled too. I then got a seat (yeah at just one stop before mine - that's how lucky I get with seats in the morning), so I was seated now and he then got up hehe. He had to get off the train now cos it was his stop and if he wanted to keep his job and pay his bills like he probably did before, he had to get out of this train at this stop, right now mate. So he did. Sad but true, his legs did it with very visible reluctance. And I continued to the next stop wondering if I'd ever see him again. Don't ask me why I didn't speak to him, cos I just won't. Yeah call me playing-hard-to-get or old-fashioned, but that's just me guys - I believe that the guy should make the first move (unless ofcourse the guy is George Michael material which is totally understandable). I gotta 'train' some men now don't I! He was mysterious, inviting and intrigueing...so lets just leave it that way then. Somethings are better left just the way they are.

~~I feel like I've been locked up tight

For a century of lonely nights

Waiting for someone

To release me
You're licking your lips and blowing kisses my way

But that dont mean I'm gonna give it away

Baby, baby, baby... ~~

UPDATE: Me off for few days guys. It's the long weekend so drive safe, take care, enjoy, have fun and most of all think of me ok ;-) See yous soon my darling vegemaites MWAHHHHZZ!

Current Music: Genie In A Bottle by Christina Aguilera

One Last Song

Say it happened...one day I had to leave you all...leave everyone on Earth. Then If you were to contribute a line or two for my Eulogy, what would it be? What song would you dedicate in my memory? I just wanna know. I nearly died yesterday...a Ute came crashing down as I was coming out of my Driveway...if it was not for my quick thinking and braking immediately, my car would have collided with the Ute and God knows what would have happened after that. I'm ok. Just a little shaken. Somehow it brought back memories from an event that had taken/yet to take place in my life/lifetimes...my car falling down a cliff and my death meeting me. That vision keeps coming into my head over and over again, and I really don't know what it is. I have blogged about this before. Anyways, I just hope you are all doing well.

Current Music: November Rain by Guns N Roses