Keshicoccalkemia?

Disclaimer: Written with all respect to various disease-sufferers in the world. No offense intended at all. This is about a very disturbed maniac girl and her crazy fears...not about anyone else.

If you ask my mum/sis what kind of person I am, they will for sure tell you that Keshi is a hypochondriac. I won't deny that title cos I am one. I'm scared of the tiniest change that may occur in my body. The slightest rash would make me wanna surf the net and find out what it may be...and then I would worry for the next few days wondering if I'm gonna die of Meningococcal (is that how you spell it?)! If it's a sudden bruising then I'd immediately picture myself being a Leukemia patient and would worry about losing all my hair due to chemotherapy. Yes I'm that bad. Shame on you Keshi, I know. If it's a slight dizziness, OMG I'm about to faint cos I might be suffering from early Diabetes. When I have a bad headache, I'm like 'guess it's a Tumor about to blow, now have I written my Will?'. Last week I was having this stinging ache in my ear...I was picturing myself deaf for life. I swear I thought I was gonna go permanently deaf cos I never experienced that kind of ear-ache before. So I googled about it (yes I did ) and found out it could be Ear-drum failure OMG noooooo! Thank God it's not painful anymore. Once I had this pimple on my face and I was sure it's going to be the pox. It wasn't pheww! Just yesterday I had my left eye twitching again and I asked my mum if my left eye-lid was gonna give up on me for good. Mum rolled her eyes and walked away. No one believes me anymore baaaawaaaa!!I am just a very scared girl you know. But why? Cos I don't wanna be sick. I'm not afraid of dying but I'll admit I'm scared of being sick. Sickness is something we human beings will never be able to avoid but it's something I don't wanna be. I know that if I get terribly sick I'll cope somehow, but it's something I'm terrified of. And I personally don't like visiting doctors/dentists - I hate them with a vengeance. Don't ask me why. Last time I was at my doctor's surgery was ages ago and he had to run behind me to give me a needle.

When I was about 6months old, I was very ill. Apparently my mum had to sign some medical documents declaring that the docs wouldn't have been responsible if I had died. Apparently I was in the hospital with tubes all over me and basically pretty much dead (wish I was a blogger baby back then cos then I'd have enjoyed the hospital stay). Maybe I was much stronger when I wasn't aware of what this world was like. That's probably how I survived the battle back then, as a tiny baby. But right now, even though I'm much more matured and appear to be stronger, I probably am not that strong. I don't know. Maybe it was cos my dad died all of a sudden from a heart attack. Maybe cos one of my close friends is suffering from Thyroid cancer and she's very young. Maybe cos one of my young cousins is permanently deaf. Maybe cos I visited Sydney Childrens' Hospital on Saturday to see this 9yr old girl who had surgery and then I saw alot of sick kids - it broke my heart into pieces. Some kids were suffering alot. Diseases are unavoidable, I know. The Buddha saw an ailing body and left this worldy life for good. This body is deteriorating everyday...today we may have good health, tomorrow we may not. And until then we hardly realise the value of it.

OMG my heart is beating too fast right now, I better google it real fast - see yous if I don't die!

Current Music: Maniac by Michael Sembello