This post is dedicated to all neglected parents in the world, and was also written in loving memory of my own father and grandparents, who made me who I am today. I LOVE YOU WHEREVER YOU MAY BE and if you were alive today you know I will never leave your side until I die. Never.
Below are 2 pics of a real Mother and a Father who now live in Homes for the Aged (put there by their own children who can't lookafter them). These pics were taken from 2 different personal Web albums of 2 great people who made visits to these Homes as part of a charity mission and took these pics. My heartfelt gratitude and love to them!
Below are 2 pics of a real Mother and a Father who now live in Homes for the Aged (put there by their own children who can't lookafter them). These pics were taken from 2 different personal Web albums of 2 great people who made visits to these Homes as part of a charity mission and took these pics. My heartfelt gratitude and love to them!
Somebody's father (and grandfather) at a Home for the Elderly in Sri Lanka. He's having his breakfast, all alone...
Somebody's mother (and grandmother) who lives in a Home for the Elderly in India . She has Asthma that was triggered by witnessing one of her housemates die...
I couldn't stop shedding tears as I saw the faces of this mother and father. The loneliness in their eyes..the silent tears of their souls...the sadness in their stare...the memories written all over their face. Who's father is that? Who's mother is this? Where are their children? Did they have the heart to 'dump' them in Aged care? With how much love would they have brought up their kids? Is this the result of that love? No matter how good/bad your parents/grandparents may be, please don't do THIS to them. They deserve love and care from you, just like how they gave it to you when you were growing up. It's your turn to help them out, in their most difficult years. Everyone wants to be loved, nobody wants to be lonely and left in an Aged home with strangers, to die some day. Will you do this to your parents? Picture yourelves like this some day (cos we all get old some day)...how would you feel to be abandoned like this? Parents are not clothes or shoes that you throw away when they get old and are of no use any longer...they are humans that helped you stand on your own feet...they are the two eyes that made you see. Respect, protect and love them always. And I also know of someone who hit her mother in law...it's so very sad! I have no words to describe the grief I feel when I see neglected parents. I hope this song will tell you how I feel...
This song is one of my fav Sinhalese songs by the great SL singer Late H.R.Jothipala. It's a touching song about mothers (can be applied to fathers too). This video shows the 2007 Sri Lankan Idol winner Pradeep Rangana singing it. He did the song great justice and he sang this for his own mother who's in the audience too. Meaning is as follows (please bear with my translation as it's very difficult to convert the true meaning of a Sinhalese song into English):
Mae nonimena divi gamane...nivane maga penena thura..
In this endless journey of life, until I gain enlightenment
Ammae obe putheku wela...ennam maa sasara pura..
I wanna be born as your son, in this cycle of birth and death
Piyathuma nethi dha indhala...giye ne maa thani karala..
Eversince I lost my father, you never left my side
Kusa gini mata noma dheela...dhuka vedhanawa nivala...
You didn't leave me hungry, you were bearing all the pain
Ammae oba Budhu wewa...mavu guna gee gayanemi ma
Mother, may you become a Buddha...your great qualities I sing of
Mae nonimena divi gamane... ... ...
In this endless journey of life... ... ...
Petali lo mayaven...galawa maa awamanen...
When I was lost in an illusion, you saved me from falling
Nuwanesa mage pahadhaala...dhiyunuwe maga penwaala...
You taught me to think, and showed me the right path
Lebu ae aashirvahde...dhivi maawata eliya vune
I received your blessings, and my life path has been brightened
Mae nonimena divi gamane... ... ...
In this endless journey of life... ... ...
Current Music: Mae Nonimena Divi Gamane by Pradeep Rangana
Somebody's mother (and grandmother) who lives in a Home for the Elderly in India . She has Asthma that was triggered by witnessing one of her housemates die...I couldn't stop shedding tears as I saw the faces of this mother and father. The loneliness in their eyes..the silent tears of their souls...the sadness in their stare...the memories written all over their face. Who's father is that? Who's mother is this? Where are their children? Did they have the heart to 'dump' them in Aged care? With how much love would they have brought up their kids? Is this the result of that love? No matter how good/bad your parents/grandparents may be, please don't do THIS to them. They deserve love and care from you, just like how they gave it to you when you were growing up. It's your turn to help them out, in their most difficult years. Everyone wants to be loved, nobody wants to be lonely and left in an Aged home with strangers, to die some day. Will you do this to your parents? Picture yourelves like this some day (cos we all get old some day)...how would you feel to be abandoned like this? Parents are not clothes or shoes that you throw away when they get old and are of no use any longer...they are humans that helped you stand on your own feet...they are the two eyes that made you see. Respect, protect and love them always. And I also know of someone who hit her mother in law...it's so very sad! I have no words to describe the grief I feel when I see neglected parents. I hope this song will tell you how I feel...
This song is one of my fav Sinhalese songs by the great SL singer Late H.R.Jothipala. It's a touching song about mothers (can be applied to fathers too). This video shows the 2007 Sri Lankan Idol winner Pradeep Rangana singing it. He did the song great justice and he sang this for his own mother who's in the audience too. Meaning is as follows (please bear with my translation as it's very difficult to convert the true meaning of a Sinhalese song into English):
Mae nonimena divi gamane...nivane maga penena thura..
In this endless journey of life, until I gain enlightenment
Ammae obe putheku wela...ennam maa sasara pura..
I wanna be born as your son, in this cycle of birth and death
Piyathuma nethi dha indhala...giye ne maa thani karala..
Eversince I lost my father, you never left my side
Kusa gini mata noma dheela...dhuka vedhanawa nivala...
You didn't leave me hungry, you were bearing all the pain
Ammae oba Budhu wewa...mavu guna gee gayanemi ma
Mother, may you become a Buddha...your great qualities I sing of
Mae nonimena divi gamane... ... ...
In this endless journey of life... ... ...
Petali lo mayaven...galawa maa awamanen...
When I was lost in an illusion, you saved me from falling
Nuwanesa mage pahadhaala...dhiyunuwe maga penwaala...
You taught me to think, and showed me the right path
Lebu ae aashirvahde...dhivi maawata eliya vune
I received your blessings, and my life path has been brightened
Mae nonimena divi gamane... ... ...
In this endless journey of life... ... ...
Current Music: Mae Nonimena Divi Gamane by Pradeep Rangana
203 Cranium Signets:
theres a saying tht ur parents are living god...i belive more in my parents thn a imagined god...
there must be something wrong in our society when we are not held responsible for our duties...gud news is that in India the parents can take the children to court if they are haressed or not looked after...its only fair since parents can be taken to court if they abuse or neglect their children...
there is a lot of sad stuff like this happening across the world...
thankfully n im pretty glad that my dad n mom ve ensured me n my bro have been brought up in a way not to let this happen :)
Hi Keshi
It's so very sad.
In some cases, families have no choice but to put a loved one in a home. There are times when the family lacks the money and/or skills to look after a sick, elderly family member.
What is sad is when families place elderly members in homes just to get rid of them.
That said, have a great weekend!
I need some sleep.
Hugs!
Bev
That is lovely lovely song by Jothipala.
I followed the link you provided but that doesn't mention him as a lyric.
Is he a lyric keshi ?
Whatever he is, the words are so beautiful !
Hi Keshi,
You were right from A to Z in the article. One of the main reasons of this pathetic situation is children going out of the country in search of greener pastures. Most of them they take thier parents with them but some don't and at some point in time their girl friends and wives become more important than your parents.
One more thing to mention. Parents are the ones who love you for what you are. Girl friends and wives like you because there is some quality in you that they like (can be anything from looks, personality, attitude, money or even sympathising).
As a concluding note want to mention that parents will love you untill they live regardless of whether you are rich/poor, healthy/sick, educated/uneducated, intelligent/stupid, handsome/ugly.
No girl in the world would like to marry a ugly and a stupid guy, but parent will love you even if you are poor, sick, ugly, stupid and uneducated.
Once a man was encircling a holy mosque (kaaba to be precise) and his mother was in his shoulders as she was sick. Prophet Mouhammad (PBUH) said to the man "even this is not equal to the pain and suffering the she must have gone thorugh during child birth and to bring you up to what you are currently"
Regards, Irshad
Hi Keshi,
You were right from A to Z in the article. One of the main reasons of this pathetic situation is children going out of the country in search of greener pastures. Most of them they take thier parents with them but some don't and at some point in time their girl friends and wives become more important than your parents.
One more thing to mention. Parents are the ones who love you for what you are. Girl friends and wives like you because there is some quality in you that they like (can be anything from looks, personality, attitude, money or even sympathising).
As a concluding note want to mention that parents will love you untill they live regardless of whether you are rich/poor, healthy/sick, educated/uneducated, intelligent/stupid, handsome/ugly.
No girl in the world would like to marry a ugly and a stupid guy, but parent will love you even if you are poor, sick, ugly, stupid and uneducated.
Once a man was encircling a holy mosque (kaaba to be precise) and his mother was in his shoulders as she was sick. Prophet Mouhammad (PBUH) said to the man "even this is not equal to the pain and suffering the she must have gone thorugh during child birth and to bring you up to what you are currently"
Regards, Irshad
Thats scary but true.
Prime example of what people shoving of duty.
I usually don’t easily form negative opinion about people .... but this is one exception. Anytime I find someone ill-treating their parents, grand parents ... forget about ill-treating I don’t even tolerate even my friends who sometimes talk ill about their folks just because they don’t agree to some of the decisions etc ...
Whenever I come across any such insensitive creatures, I cant even put up an artificial smile ... no matter who that person is ... he/she is sure to get a scornful glare from me ... or even a mouthful wherever possible ...
But, sometimes this works well for the parents ... I think they would be able to live a peaceful life at the old-age homes as compared to staying with their insensate kids and getting treated disrespectfully all the time ...
**I received your blessings, and my life path has been brightened
Too good :)
ABout this post. I had seen a bollywood movie once on the same topic. Though the movie dint fare well, the memories of the old age home got permanently etched in my head.
I am absolutely clueless about how ppl can leave away their parents in such places, inspite of all that they did ?! Horrible !!
My dad always used to tell me, "the reason we're fine educating you, raising to you to be independent isnt coz that will secure our future. its so that you will be able to keep your selves well. we have never and never will expect you to take care of us and tend to us. we have our own avenues."
That had hurt me big time, for I thought as parents they dont trust their kids on this even if they love them do much. I was in college then. Few days back when I told him, "why do the new gen parents think kids shouldnt take care if their parentsm aferall we grew up living off you. we got eevry obligation to try return it bak in whatever way we can."
All he said was "thnx for the gesture. but we will still prefer to be independent till we die."
I could say no more...
Whats even more sad is that there are times when these people are not allowed even to leave peacefully in the old age homes.. coz of some new construction thats supposed to be made or coz the lease gets over..
Yes..this is the sad plight of many parents as shown in many hindi movies too. It is very easy to forget what our parents did for us when we were children but it may be very difficult for them to forget what we did for them as adults.
A most important post, Keshi!. One of the main reasons, why it`s so sad for them to stay in an old aged home, is that only their bodies have grown old, their mind in turn grows younger and lively. It`s sad that it happens! The feeling of loneliness, that they experience, their pain and angst is all so painful. I remember writing this poem earlier, after seeing such an old lady.
I still remember her face. We have to love our parents and take care of them. If everyone thinks on the same lines it is enough, for us to do away with old age homes.
With Regards,
Srijith.
hi keshi...so sad to c them lonely..:( may god bles them...
hv a great weekend hun!
love always
anits
parents are the reason we're here.. n they become our children when we grow up.. i can't understand why people can't take care of their parents when they grow old- it's simply selfish n reall sad..
i have an old grandma at home, n she's or life, it's sooooo impossible to imagine a life without seeing her cheerful face every day..
loved this post!!
this post reminds of a song briddhashram sung by bengali singer Nachiketa!! Its about an old lady singing during her time at teh old age home and recollecting the days when she tended to her son with unconitional love and care... and how things stand today!!! leaves one teary eyed...
here's a little bt of the lyrics for you:
"swami, stree aar alsatian'e jaayga boroi kom,
amar thikaana tai briddhashram!!"
translation:
"with husband, wife and alsatian, space is too less,
that's why my address is the the old age hom!!"
a song which twist the heart of every listener!!!
It's happening everywhere..and parents are now getting paranoid that they'll have to go through crap when they get old..
Awwww.. keshi.. this made me burst in tears! Very beautifully written. Cant says anything except.. I agree everything u have written here!
Hey Keshi...all I can say is that I sincerely hope and pray that the people who dump their parents get dumped in their old age by their own children. That would be divine judgment.
There was recently a case in Delhi where an old old woman was just abandoned on the road by her great grand-daughter, and when she was tracked down by the cops said she didn't have the time, money and energy to waste on an old woman who should have been long dead. Well if we can't treasure our own elders and their knowledge, well then...that is the day the lighting should strike such people dead.
very very touching!!!
I m tryin my best keshi, and i m tryin to do the bit i can, but yeah i really pity those kids who do this to their parents!!!
Sometimes in life we forget that we dont take birth just for ourselves, thats what animals do, leave their parents and then dont look back, or some animals even eat their siblings or children!!!
But we are human, have a mind to think, more brains than any other being on this planet and still we do all this, its really surprising and sorry state!!!
I miss my paternal grandparents, they arent not with me anymore but i know wherever they are, they are looking at me and feeling proud that i m not one of those!!!
I do love them a lot!!!
Wish your father and grandparents soul rest in peace!!!
and I know they must be blessin you from heavens up above and feeling really proud of this cute little girl of theirs!!!
M tryin to start a charity organisation where i would be really spending the money and not donating it to other organizations making sure that every penny in it is utilized to the fullest!!!
Hope this will be a lil bit i can do for them!!!
The song you have put there is really great and as i earlier said, i dont know how much the pain u must be feeling missing ur father as its unbearable but dont think he isnt with u, he is watchin u doing every bit from heavens!!!
Make him proud!!! :)
and i know u r doing it!!! :)
Girlie, ur parents are one of the luckiest to have such a soul who think so much about others, dont let urself and them down ever... :)
Wish your mamma a healty and long life, will wish more on her bday on 30th!!! :)
Kisses n Hugs!!!
Ankur
Life is strange....the offsprings who do this to their paranets do not know what they have done actually.
They have caused by this act to happen the same thing to them in future.The law of karma will catch them soon in theur old age..who knows in even worse form..and justifiably so.
I wish all such rascals should never be spared by their destiny.
oh m damn sorry...
i remember urs but read abt hers yesterday only abt it fallin on saturday and still didnt gave it enugh thot!!!
sorry, will wish her more on 28th!!! :)
Ankur :)
hey gorgeous swan...howz ur day going on??
How truly heart felt this post was. It's important for us not to forget those who honored us.
the song took my breath away....awesome!!!!...my heart goes out to all parents who are disowned by their own children-not cause they go thru alot-but cos they are hurt by their very own-in a way you can say disowning them is equivalent to hurting them where it hurts the most.....gr8 thot!gr8 post!!
i cant comment on these things.
where can i listen to the song?
Awesome post Keshi, really heartfelt...
I have to say this to those son's and daughter's who force their parents out or abandon them at old age - You are just a$$h####...
My dad is no more. My mom is 60+ and lives with me. There is nothing that would take her away from my home until her time comes. not even if I were to be a pauper & starve from tomorrow.
Nice song there Keshi, I must listen to this soon. It embodies the cultural tradition of paying respects to our own parents first and only then to God.
Amazing... You have moved me with your words girl... awesome... take care... Cheers...
sweet sounding song; listened to it with your lyrics.
did a double-take when I read the first line. Most articles in mainstream media only touched on neglected children, not parents.
Thanks for your timely post, gotta start appreciating my parents even more.
heartfelt
Alok
keshi,
this is the 2nd time i read this post since morning. tried to comment in the morning, but i got this anger & sadness filled me up. i couldn't write then.
if its a responsibility of parents to provide food, shelter, education & love to their kids, its a duty of a child to give the same to his/her parents. if that child failed in this duty, it would only means he/she has failed as a human being too.
ammu.
we learn to work around love...we learn to find our way around care...we can have no emotions, feel n still survive...but i dont understand how can v survive by hurtin d ones who care for us...who brought us up...fed us...fulfilled our every desire...wiped our tears...n when its our turn to wipe tears all v do is turn our backs to them...how do these ppl react when their children turn their backs on them?? sometimes even repent is not enuff...repent is for minor mistakes...when u hurt d one who gave u life u shake d vy fundation of humanity...
Kandulu ganga navatune na meka kiyavana gamam.Mata hari dukai,me loken okkama thani vela inna ammalai thathalai gena.Ita vada dukai mam mage ammage antima davas tike eyata ai eeta vada hondata salakue na kiyala.Loku vunata passe thamai terenne ammai thathai kochhara apita karanavada kiyala.Mamai thathai randuvena kota eyath Cindy ge thatha wage thamai kiyane,eka ahena kota duka hithenava thamai,hebei eka eya kenthiyen kiyanahinda kamak na.
Ara achi siyava dekela hita andanava.Ay minissu mehema darunukam karanne?
Me sinduva mama ahalathiyanava issara.Eka vage ma Nanda Malini ge eka sinduvak thiyanava ne - Ammavarune - evage me lassana ekak.
Oyage lassana hithata godak pihita veva!Love you kelle!Hugssssssssssssss
i wanted to tell u that this year i'll b eligible to join the interact club of r skool, nd as part of that we'll spend lotsa tym with the parents in old age homes, nd try to cheer them up in every way. does that make u smile? :)
now that was a very touching song. im learning piano these days, mayb ill put the english lyrics into tune. will inform u when i do...
take care!
luv,
jan.
Some fail to realize after marriage that their parents are also included as there family and not alone their kids and wife. I totally agree with your thoughts which would hit those on this line.
Meaning full song keshi.
I also recall another recent and well-publicized case in Calcutta where a well-educated couple (both were journalists with reputed newspapers)have been accused by their neighbours of burning and killing the husband's mother, all for property. If you look at the two parents in your current post, at least they'r better off than having killer children.
in quran there is one line which means " when one or both of ur parent reach old age dont even say uff to them"
there is one beautiful story i read recently where a father and a son will be sitting in the verandah and a crow sitting on the wall. the father asks his son pointing to the crow "what is that?". he repeats the same question about 5 times.. first 2-3 times he answers politely.. and then the sun gets irritated and replies harshly.
father than goes inside and brings a diary.. and tells the son to read..
" today my 5 year old son saw the crow for first time and asked me 25 times "what is that?" and i replied 25 times it is a crow. i did not get angry and felt a lot of love for him"
for a true muslim parents are of most importance after god and the prophet.
ur article is great..
I always seem to click on 'Publish Comment' before I have finished what I have to say :P
So what I wanted to continue saying was that all kinds of people make this world - there are those who dump their parents in old age homes and those who kill them for property or for money or for a mere scolding (yes that's another recent case - blame me knowing all this for being an avid reader of the daily paper and my profession). What they all do, however, is in no form excusable.
Another recent case (yes again) had the mother drag her four sons to court for maintenance and to pay for the medicines for her husband. She made them pay rent - Pay up or get out is what she said.
Some parents pamper their children to such an extent that they never scold their child. Its the parents who also need to teach their child what is right and what is wrong. Not only do I blame the children who have just dumped and abandoned their parents, but I also blame the parents to some extent - I don't say I blame all, I reiterate I blame those who fail to teach their child right and wrong. (I'm expecting brickbats for this)
Here, we have to take a long term care insu, because if you have a complicated disease which needs regular daily care, our grown up kids just can't cope with work and us too. In a way, it's good that we don't depend on kids who have their own lives to lead, on the other hand, you age quickly living among your own peers who are suffering and dying all around you in old homes. No win situation!:(
In India, atleast you can hire people to care of the old parents at home while work but in US, it costs about $5-6000 for home care, so it's easier to live in a home which costs less and you are taken care by med trained staff. It's different in the west than east.
Anyway you look at it, I am scared to be a invalid when I am old!!I am a very independent person, hate to be a burden on anyone!
Not all parents are good people, just because they're old they can still hurt cruelly.
yeah, it's sad how materialistic the world is turning out to be...
only thing we can do, is to respect and care for our parents...and elders in the family...
You know we have this old age home near my home and whenever I come back from hostel I go to meet some people there. I have my own grandparents living in same city but I prefer goin' to some friends or amma n baba as I call 'em. The first time I went there was because I held sympathy for 'em but now I go 'coz they give me so much happiness. Besides, when I am low they give me so many reasons to smile and tell me about their lives 'n experiences.
I don't wanna write more...
Just a hope, may God give happiness to all
Its sad to see but many people leave them when r not able to take care and see them at proper time. Old age ppl' have become independent in India coz many sons/ daughters live outside India. They cannot depend on them and live with it.
the basic problem with india now is the dissolving of the joint family system...
I was not about to say anything on this....I stopped reading after I came to know what this post was about...
I cannot Identify with the children who do not take care...hence.. but anyways..what I have seen is what i know and i will talk about that...cause I know u dnt mind me leaving any comments on this page..
We are guilty of many errors and many faults but our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life. Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time his bones are being formed, his blood is being made, and his senses are being developed. To him we cannot answer 'Tomorrow.' His name is 'Today.'
My name was today some day too....
Children are selfish..but yes parents can be selfish too.. selfish not for pursuing their own good, but for neglecting their child's..they too are capable of neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do....
Yes you can give them money.. u think to give u child what u never had....yes...thank u...but sumtimes sit back and think...that are u so concerned to give your children...so what u never had growing up, that u neglect to give them what u did have growing up... your parents dnt scold u when u come home from a brawl or being drunk...indiffrence and neglect often do more damage than outright dislike.sumtimes ...just take a break from u own life and think about the life u brought into this world..the answers will come automatically...
Never neglect the little things. Never skimp on that extra effort, that additional few minutes, that soft word of praise or thanks, Never neglect the little things.... never you may make u boy a failed man before he ever became a man...
maybe these children who have lef their parets too have had sum experiences... why dnt we think on their part..but yes i know this is wrong this is not the way it is to be done... leaving your parents.. u cant hang man ...u need to make them realize their mistake...if u hate ur parents,don't show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree, dnt they will neclet it too...dnt leave them... If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do. make them realise that u would turn out good anyway..witohut them ever being a part of ur goodness...then ur light of goodness may burn out their blindness...
ps:- this comment is not relevant to ur post in a way.but still i will teke the liberty of posting cause I feel this is MY place too ..and in my heart i know you will not mind...
Take care ma'am keshi...Enjoy the time with them parents...
:-(
we visited an old age home as a class back when we were in school. we took clothes and other useful stuff that they'd need, and spent half a day there. they were happy to see us. we listened to them, and they showed us stuff they made. it was nice to see them happy.
my mum and dad take care of my grandparents. both my dad's parents are no more; my mum's parents live with us now. i'd never let my parents go to a nursing home. not while i'm still alive
hi keshi....
i am really srry to read abt the people....but it should be in the heart of the kids who left them like that ..i cant express my sorrow ness srry .....
urs hemu,
Excellent post, Keshi, excellent!
Thank you
I can understand putting parents in a long term care facility or assisted care facility if they need that kind of help. But, just sticking them in a place that basically warehouse then and they end up living like prisoners until they die? No way!
Things like this...they make my heart weep.
I mean how the frigging hell..can THESE bloody ignorant brats of some children (so called)..'dump' their parents like that/
how does their conscience nt bloody kill them?..parents..who sacrificed almst everything for us..how do we end up forgetting about them TOTALLY??..its so much above my head.
i mean when when will these children realize?..but what can we do..except for lamenting over it.?
i wish such children get murdered treacherously.:|
seriously..i pity those sons/daughters who commit such S-i-n-s.and may God make their cheap minds go to hell.
i meant..m not abusing them but still..can conditions be SO harsh that they have their PARENTS thrown on the road or sent to an old age center..??
*may God bless these parents..i wish i could do something for them.actually I will.
'cos we're humanists..and good daughters :)
hi Keshi.... although I am not a regular visitor of your blog nowadays....but I keep myself updated with your joys and sorrows...
I read an article on my company intranet which is exactly what you have expressed.....
It is a heart wrenching true story... brought me down to tears....
‘Can you help me, please?’
"I don’t even know where my son lives. He will be back soon, won’t he?" Vidya Jayakrishnan narrates a true life incident.
“Jara maajhi madad karnar ka?” (Will u help me? - in Marathi)
The timid voice at my side startled me…
6pm at VT railway station on a Friday evening is not the best place to be at. Around me was the hustle bustle of a typical weekend, though I was thankfully detached from the maddening crowd.. I was lost in remote Siberia and anxious for my hero who was hanging from the window ledge of a castle. His fingers slowly slipping as the villain planned his ultimate weapon for world domination...the book was gripping..
“Can you please help me?” persisted the voice in Marathi.
I looked up and saw the woman. She was sitting next to me, a neat aaji (grandmom)type, clad in a faded sari holding the archetypical cotton ‘pishvi’ (a cloth bag)in her lap. Her timid eyes begged me as she haltingly asked “Could you help me find my son please?”
I dragged myself away from the high voltage drama I was engrossed in and asked for more information about her son / grandson.
“How old is he? When did you last see him? What is he wearing? Does he know to talk? Does he know where he lives?”
“Well, he works in Mumbai and knows the place well. He left me here to check train timings and to buy tickets but hasn’t come back. I am worried, what is taking him so long?”
Ah, a man old enough to look after himself. He must have got caught in the Friday evening rush and the typical mother was worried about his being away for so long.
I decided my high voltage drama could wait and calmed her down distracting her by asking her about her son and her family.
She began tentatively, “I lived in a village all my life, I came to Mumbai only 2 months back to stay with my son… so I don’t know anything about this place. I don’t even know where my son lives. He will be back soon, wont he?”
“Aaji, look at the rush, it will take some time for him to get his tickets… tell me how many children do you have?”
“Suryakant is my only son; I lost my husband when he was only 2 months old. He is my life and I am worried about him, hope he is ok. It’s been quite long since he went.”
Oh minutes seem hours for a mother when she is worried about her child!
Her eyes kept searching the crowd as she continued “He was not happy in the village and so came here ten years back, looking for work. Infact he met my daughter-in-law here. I couldn’t come for the wedding, but they came to meet me after the ceremony. He couldn’t get leave from work often, so I saw him only rarely, but of course he loves me a lot….”
Oh oh, the typical spoilt son of a hard working widow, escape to Mumbai, marriage and a new life with the mother disappearing into the background. But he did get her to Mumbai now, I wondered why…
“I stay near Latur(A place in Maharashta, a massive destructive earthquake struck some years ago), he was so busy that he couldn’t come even after the earthquake happened. Actually I told him not to, it could have recurred and I didn’t want him to be in any danger.” Only a mother can lie so well for her son not checking up on her after such a catastrophe.
“But he came 2 months back”, she continued happily,” to help me with the compensation given by the government. That’s when we decided that instead of spending my old age in Latur, I should come to Mumbai and stay with him.” (Ok - there’s the reason for her Mumbai visit!)
“I was also looking forward to seeing my grandchildren….”
She paused, perhaps looking back at the 2 months in her son’s house…
“So how was life here, do you like Mumbai?”
Well, any place with your son is nice, and I loved to cook his favourite food and keep the house clean. He doesn’t have much space at home, but he is planning on getting a bigger house any day soon…
“And your daughter-in-law?”
A pregnant pause, then “Well…she obviously didn’t like sharing her husband and home with me… they had constant fights…”she replied slowly “but I am sure she would not have convinced him to do it…” Her voice trailed away…
“Do what?” I prodded
“She said I was too much of a burden…he should get rid of me” haltingly she continued “But that was weeks ago and anyway my son would never do anything so cruel… Infact today he was taking me to the doctor in the morning and even bought me my cough mixture before leaving.” She clutched her pishvi as if the medicine was the most precious of gifts.
That’s when it hit me, “When did your son leave you?”
“We left the house early morning when the children let for school, came by bus to the station and he left me here to go buy tickets. He’s been gone for long and I am really worried for him”
The reality and cruelty of the situation dawned on me. The son had abandoned his mother in a railway station in a strange city, confident in the knowledge that there was no way she could find him again.
We get rid of unwanted stuff all the time, throw them into rubbish heaps. A busy station in a strange city was a great bin to get rid of unwanted human appendages, be it your old parents, a girl child, or other helpless burden.
Her voice recalled me from my chilling reverie. “It’s been a long day, hope he has eaten something by now, or else he may have acidity later.”
This from a mother who had been sitting there from around 9am, scared and alone, herself starving the whole day, but concerned about a son who was never coming! Infact she had not moved from the seat since she was worried that her son would miss her when he came back.
Her eyes pleaded with me asking me for some reassurance but the consoling words would not come out. Neither could I tell her the disturbing truth which she would anyways guess in time.
“Aaji, eat something while you wait for him.” I persuaded her to drink a cup of tea and eat some snacks. She was hesitant about taking the food but gulped it down, her eyes still darting around searching for her son in vain.
All too soon my train was announced. I approached the nearest police desk and told them about her plight. They were helpful enough and sent a lady constable with me to help the old lady.
“Aaji, I have to leave now, but the police will look after you till your son comes. They will also try and trace him for you.”
The lie came easily to me but almost stuck in my throat when I met her eyes filled with untold pain. Her mind had already guessed the truth, though her heart refused to accept the obvious.
“Tujhe bhale hoyil” she blessed me before getting up slowly, holding her pishvi tightly. She reluctantly started walking away with the policewoman. She looked back at me, her eyes still pleading but I was helpless. There was nothing more that I could do for her.
I started off in the opposite direction ignoring a wave of guilt that engulfed me.
I imagined her pain-filled eyes, still staring at me, perhaps accusing me.
I silently apologized to her and hoped that she would have the strength to bear the unending pain of betrayal.
thx for postin this out gal...
a lot of ppl hav been doin that and i wnder how they dnt see or feel what they are doing...how can anything be so bigger then thr own parents...
dis is actually a heinous crime...how can one even think of doing this to one's own parents. That is so selfish n deceitful. Just hope no parent ever has to undergo this trauma of rejection and being unwanted.
This is a difficult subject...
There are so many variables...
Yes, I agree-
there are adult children who do NOT want to deal with their elderly parents and this is sad
BUT there are also adult children who want to take care of their parents- but for some reason they can't be with them because they are in a different country OR they need to work!
HOWEVER- there are times when the elderly parent is too sick for the adult child to take care. therefore, you place the parent where it is best for them...
I am not here to judge-
I know what taking care of an elderly parent is all about!
1. dad had to be hospitalized (long term) due to his progressive disease (ALS- Lou Gehrig's)
2. mom- took care of at home 'til she passed away
3. elderly aunt (w/ dementia-alzheimer's)- she's at home w/us, BUT it is DIFFICULT!!! She needs 24 hr care...and we can't do it, nor can we handle the stress at times.
What do we do?!
a. place her in a home...
we don't have the $$$$!! to pay for this luxury
b. wait 'til she has "something" happen to her (stroke?) so that the "state" takes her in...Dr. recommends
c. dementia/alzheirmer's progresses to a critical state where we can't help her...Dr. recommends
c. we ALL go crazy!!
We can only do what we are capable of...
Hugs & Blessings
Keshi girl!! I cried! It is so sad for me to even think about putting my mommy & daddy away!!
They love and have cared for me, my whole life!!To put them in someone else care is not in my Vocabulary!!
Keshi, this is a great post!! I love it just like all of your others..
Thank You!!!
its so sad to see things like this happening!! how much does it take to take care of your parents, who have sacrificed so much to look after their kids! but life's a full circle, those who do it, will get it back!!!
take care!
Good music!! I'm lucky my kids don't neglect me...
Hi Keshi,
Please come over to my blog to receive your award as one of the recipients of the 24 Carat Gold Most Outstanding Bloggers Awards. Thanks and God bless.
there is a song which goes like...what if god was one of us...
and if we really just look around us..and not that far too...we'll be able to see what god looks like...
hey keshi!!!..yeah been travelling to some grt places off and on....and i met up with rajbir(southpaw)when he came down to delhi!!
about your post..i dunno about cultures but in Indian society our parents are one of the main reasons we become successful in life..they support us in every way to stand on our feet..and its uch a shame to just sideline them at the critical juncture of their life..they dont want much...just some loving and care from us!!!
bubbly..
that story .. my god so horrible of that son..
There's never been an answer to the 'why' questions I ask the children who do this. What the children don't realise is, i'm sure the parents even in that ripe old age would never do this if the role had to be replaced.
The only thank you that we can offer our parents while grow up for their love and upbringing is care and love when they are old.
yr tagged btw cuteheart!
some bonds transgress all others. and you are spot on when you say that whatever we are today is only cause of our parents.
...wish i could say all that i am feeling right now. there's anger and immense sadness looking at the pictures and reading the post; and then there is the unfathomable love for my parents and pride in knowing that 'thank God, i would be incapable of such thoughts let alone deeds'.
...and it's not only parents, i still cry to this day when i am reminded of my childhood nanny. she died of undetected cancer, and no one even knew about it until my parents on a visit to Ahmedabad found her ill at her home incapacitated and in pain and took her to the hospital only to learn that she was in the last stage of cancer. she died a week later her last unfulfilled wish being to see me and my sister once. that was like 8 years ago, and i am still left trying to come to terms with her death and my inability to fulfill her last wish.
...sometimes it is the smallest of gestures that means the most...thousands spent on medical fees were no match for the joy that five minutes of being able to see the kids that she had helped raise would have given her.
and for that i am her culprit, for having denied her of that joy. no matter how many tears i shed, i can never forgive myself for that.
i can only take solace from knowing that i have failed once, and i will never fail again.
thank you for doing this post Keshi.
Awwwww :(
Its very true that people dump their own folks like this, without even thinking that they r here in this world because of their parents!
Parents protect their kids from all odds and yet, people these days are so full of shit that they kick the same parents out of their own homes!
People need to understand that once their kids grow up, they would do the same thing and kick their asses too!
Once again, kudos to you babes for writing such heart-warming article. You're a sweetheart..
Love..Ravi
this is so sad...
hmmm....
well, i can say that i am a real freak when it comes to discussing things with my mom... i mean like, we always end up fighting about everything possible and impossible...
the only thing is, she wins by saying something like "this is what i get for bringing you up... " and that one sentence makes me apologize 100 times... arent moms smart in that case???
hmmm... well, i think such things happen and the one famous "excuse' is generation gap... ppl say they cannot confirm to the parents/grandparents idea... well, the only big irony is, many such ppl who sneer at old traditions haven't been able to hold on to new either!!! (only some examples... no generalization)
btw, i think i am back KAP!!!
Its very sad to see and read all this. Parents who live all there life for making their kids life better same those kids treat their parents like this - its shame actually!!!
I have only one thing to say how they treat their parents - same they get it back when they grow old - its too late that they realize but its that moment when they repent yet they can't rectify their errors as the parents are no longer there to even hear their apology!!!
I hope people realise this early in life about their parents - coz I dont think even god comes and helps us in bad times. It's our parents who will do everything thing to make our life easier no matter how many sacrifices they had to do in their life just to bring that one smile on our face.
Very touching topic dear
Cheers
ty Tys!
**...i belive more in my parents thn a imagined god...
definitely! I find it so funny that some ppl run after temples and Gods that they hv never even seen when their own parents r suffering in life.
**...gud news is that in India the parents can take the children to court if they are haressed or not looked after
while it's a good deterrent for such sad treatment, forcing ppl to lookafter their parents w.o. it coming from their HEARTS is also not gonna achieve anything...IMO. :)
Keshi.
ty Mav!
**thankfully n im pretty glad that my dad n mom ve ensured me n my bro have been brought up in a way not to let this happen
Thats great to know. While I know u r such a compassionate and great humanbeing, think abt this situation...what if u get married to a girl who dun feel the same way abt ur parents. It CAN happen and DOES happen all the time! I hv seen it within my own relatives' and friends' families..where after getting married, sons change cos of their wives...and put their mums and dads out of their house...
The thing is, ppl change after getting married....not all, but MOST.
Keshi.
ty Bev!
**There are times when the family lacks the money and/or skills to look after a sick, elderly family member
I agree. Sometimes we dun hv the facilities/skills to lookafter elderly ppl who need special care.
like u said, its very sad when its done just to get RID of em. I hv come across many families (my own friends and cousins) who hv done that to their in-laws and parents!
Keshi.
ty Jac for appreciating the song and the singer. Jothipala was a VERY FAMOUS Sinhalese singer in SL. He died very young...50s I think. But in that short time in this world, he made a great impact thru his lyrics and songs. He was v talented!
Keshi.
Irshad ur entire comment felt like it was written in pure GOLD! I wish everyone read ur words of great wisdom. Absolutely LOVED IT and ty!
**Most of them they take thier parents with them but some don't and at some point in time their girl friends and wives become more important than your parents.
I agree. I heard so much of this happening in SL right now. Abt children leaving their aged parents in Rest Homes cos they hv to go overseas. I was so sad to hear that. The first thing I did after my Studies here is GET MY MUM HERE, permanently too. If she cudnt come here and live with me, I'd NEVER BE HERE. I'd hv gone back to SL and lived with her. Im here cos my is also here.
**Girl friends and wives like you because there is some quality in you that they like (can be anything from looks, personality, attitude, money or even sympathising).
so so so true! I wish I cud show these lines to some of my cousins and friends, who hv chased their mothers n in-laws out of their houses. After getting married, how these kids changed and thought their mothers were of no use...I was crying as I typed that!
**parents will love you untill they live regardless of whether you are rich/poor, healthy/sick, educated/uneducated, intelligent/stupid, handsome/ugly.
No girl in the world would like to marry a ugly and a stupid guy, but parent will love you even if you are poor, sick, ugly, stupid and uneducated.
Spot on! Only parents will love u UNCONDITIONALLY. So dun ever shun that love for a CONDITIONAL luv from a total stranger.
**Once a man was encircling a holy mosque (kaaba to be precise) and his mother was in his shoulders as she was sick. Prophet Mouhammad (PBUH) said to the man "even this is not equal to the pain and suffering the she must have gone thorugh during child birth and to bring you up to what you are currently"
WOW my heart exploded in both pain and happiness as I read that bit Irshad. Such a beautiful story. ty so much!
*HUGZ* totally inspirational GENUINE comment there Irshad!
Keshi.
** Im here cos my MUM is also here.
@Irshad
Keshi.
Tarun ty!
It should not only be seen as a DUTY, it should come from the HEART. Or else, its not worth it.
Keshi.
ty Hiren!
**sometimes this works well for the parents ... I think they would be able to live a peaceful life at the old-age homes as compared to staying with their insensate kids and getting treated disrespectfully all the time
I so agree! Thats why I said to Tys and Tarun above, that it should not be seen as a DUTY...it should come from the HEART. Or else, its best that these parents go n live peacefully in a Rest Home in their final few years.
Where there is no real LOVE, there is no HOME.
Keshi.
aww Cindy that maybe cos ur parents dun wanna be a 'burden' to u. Even my mum says that ALL THE TIME. She tells me that if/when I get married, she'll got to a Rest Home. I cry when she says that. Cos it really hurts me. Cos I'd never let that happen. Even if it ever comes to a situation that Im unable to lookafter her by myself, I'll always hv her in MY HOME...and get professional help and care for her, at my home though.
**. we got eevry obligation to try return it bak in whatever way we can."
but I dun see it as an Obilgation/Duty...I see it as something my HEART beckons to do.
*HUGZ* n ty!
Keshi.
WC Urv n ty!
** coz of some new construction thats supposed to be made or coz the lease gets over..
yes its v sad...cos when ppl r put in Aged care, its as if they dun deserve privacy, respect and peace. ITS SO SAD!
Keshi.
ty Sol!
**It is very easy to forget what our parents did for us when we were children but it may be very difficult for them to forget what we did for them as adults.
Good one!! I wish more ppl u'stood it so well like u do.
Keshi.
ty Srijityh! I will read that poem soon.
**is that only their bodies have grown old, their mind in turn grows younger and lively.
Exactly! I realise that tho human bodies get older, the minds still wanna dance and be loved...and be SEEN.
Keshi.
ty Anits!
Keshi.
Rantra I wish I cud see ur granma too..when I read that it reminded me of my late granma's beautiful face... *tears*
**parents are the reason we're here.. n they become our children when we grow up
So true!
Keshi.
Sam ty for mentioning that GREAT song!
**"with husband, wife and alsatian, space is too less,
that's why my address is the the old age hom!!"
ok Im crying now! Very emotional lyrics.
And something like this has happened in few of my friends' and cousins' houses...just last nite one such mother rang us, cos she was lonely and crying..we went to her place to keep her company for a while...
when sons n daughters get married, they forget the mother n father...cos of a new love they found, they forget the old love...
Keshi.
Crasiezt ty sweetz!
Keshi.
ty Prachi HUGZ!
I was in tears yday...cos of something thats so related to this post that happened last nite...will tell u abt it later..
Keshi.
ty SMM!
** and when she was tracked down by the cops said she didn't have the time, money and energy to waste on an old woman who should have been long dead
omg wut a BITCH! If I was there, I'd hv slapped her hard! One day, she's gonna be old too and these memories will haunt her. I believe in Karma!
Keshi.
ty Ankur HUGZ!
**But we are human, have a mind to think, more brains than any other being on this planet and still we do all this, its really surprising and sorry state!!!
So true!
**I miss my paternal grandparents, they arent not with me anymore but i know wherever they are, they are looking at me and feeling proud that i m not one of those!!!
definitely Ankur! Cos u hv such a kind and loving heart...u exude LOVE and it must come from the inspiration of a higher power...
** M tryin to start a charity organisation where i would be really spending the money and not donating it to other organizations making sure that every penny in it is utilized to the fullest!!!
WOW Im impressed! And I wish u all the best in it.
**Girlie, ur parents are one of the luckiest to have such a soul who think so much about others, dont let urself and them down ever...
Im not sure if Im such a great humanbeing, cos I hvnt really done much Charity etc...but ys I do feel for strangers...I cant just ignore someone's tears. Its in an inherent quality of me.
ty for ur wishes for my mum... :)
TC n I hope ur having a lovely wknd!
Keshi.
ty FJ!
**The law of karma will catch them soon in theur old age
Spot on! I believe in that too.
Keshi.
hey its ok Ankur :)
Keshi.
Im good Mav n u? :)
Keshi.
ty Nadine!
Keshi.
ty Sid!
Disowning something thats your own blood is the worst act in the world.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
Stygian why cant u comment on this? :)
I gave u the link in ur blog.
Keshi.
ty Arv!
Im sorry to hear abt ur dad. Then this song is ideal for u and ur mum, isnt it? *HUGZ*
**There is nothing that would take her away from my home until her time comes. not even if I were to be a pauper & starve from tomorrow.
Im so v glad to hear that!
Rem that when u get married some day too, ok...
Keshi.
aww ty Stygian :)
Keshi.
ty Saffy!
**Most articles in mainstream media only touched on neglected children, not parents.
true...cos ppl often forget that even adults need love n care as they age..
Keshi.
ty Alok!
Keshi.
ty Ammu HUGZ!
**if that child failed in this duty, it would only means he/she has failed as a human being too.
Spot on!
We can hv the world, we can have money, partners, houses, cars etc etc but nothing is GREATER than receiving the Blessings of our parents.
Keshi.
ty Mayz!
trust me, it happens quite often than we think it does. It happens in my cousins/friends' families..and I see it happening with my eyes EVERY SINGLE DAY.
**when u hurt d one who gave u life u shake d vy fundation of humanity...
Spot on! Beautifully put and its so true.
We can have everything in life but we r nothing if we cant love n respect our parents.
Keshi.
Sameera kelle ane mama oyawa andawannanam hithuwe na...mata sama vanna HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!
**Ita vada dukai mam mage ammage antima davas tike eyata ai eeta vada hondata salakue na kiyala
ehema kiyyanna epa. Mama hithanne na oya napuru kellak kiyala. Oyage Amma nathi wena kota, oya chuti kellak ne? Ekai. Etha kota oyata therune na jeevithey dukha...den oya loku lamayek nisa, oyata hondata therenewa jeevithaya gena. HUGZ! Mage as dekata kandulu awa oyage comment eka kiyawana kota....
Ammala thaathala ae vage dhewal nitharama kiyanawa, randu wena kota....ae vunata api ehema eyalata karanne na ne? Mama thavamath mage thaaththa gena hithala andanawa..than eya hiti ya nam, mama eyawa kochchara aadaren bala gannawadha? Eka nisa, oya oyage thaathawa hondata bala ganna kelle.
Nanda Malini ge 'Ammavarune' mage hithata hungaaak langa sindhuwak! Mama ae sindhuwa Youtube eke hewwa...mae post ekata dhaana...ae vunata hamba vune na :(
Luv ya Sameera....oya than andanna epa, haridha? Mama innawane...mama hithanne mata oyawa Blogs valin hamba kare, mage Thaahthai oyage Ammai...
*MWAH*
Keshi.
I hv to go out now...will be bak to reply to the rest of the comments.
tnxx guys!
Keshi.
hey Keshi
What a lovely post, and a lovely thought. I agree, there are such selfish men/women in the world...they seem to easily forget what their parents did for them.
But then again, who are we to judge. We don't know what the real story is in this case. Maybe they were abusive parents, whom the kids couldn't wait to get away from, and maybe even give them a taste of their own medicine. I know, its hard to imagine that parents can be like that, but trust me, there are parents like that in the world, and for them, I do not feel sorry at all.
Jan ty sweetie MWAH!
**that we'll spend lotsa tym with the parents in old age homes, nd try to cheer them up in every way
ur a sweet-heart! NO DOUBT. Im v proud of ya!
I'd really be v happy if u ever play this song on the Piano..wow!
Keshi.
ty Jeevan!
**Some fail to realize after marriage that their parents are also included as there family and not alone their kids and wife
very well-said Jeevan! Not all ppl rem that after getting married.
Keshi.
ty SMM!
**have been accused by their neighbours of burning and killing the husband's mother, all for property
I was totally shocked to read that! I cant even imagine that. Its impossible to even picture children doin that to parents. Humans r worse than Animals! thats all I can say.
Keshi.
ty Ishqia!
Thats a wonderful story. LOVED IT. I was touched.
Isnt that so true. Parents never get annoyed by their kids qns, but when we grow up, sometimes we get annoyed by them...
Thats cos parents r the only ppl who can love UNCONDITIONALLY.
Keshi.
hey ty SMM :) ur like me...reading the newspaper alot. I love to read articles that talk abt humanity.
** I reiterate I blame those who fail to teach their child right and wrong. (I'm expecting brickbats for this)
I agree with u there. No one can say anything to u SMM cos its TRUE. Its also the parents' responsibility to bring up their kids to be good humanbeings.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
to chuck away the love of someone who has been arnd for 25 yrs for someone arnd for say a couple of years.. is sheer isnanity and an act of thoughtlessness!!
Asha ur like me. I hate to even think abt being old and invalid. Cos im a v independent woman...I drive ard whenever I want..I walk whenever I want etc...if there's ever a day that I cant do any of that and even go to the loo by myself, I'd be terrified of that day...
** In a way, it's good that we don't depend on kids who have their own lives to lead, on the other hand, you age quickly living among your own peers who are suffering and dying all around you in old homes
true..life is such ha. :(
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
ty Helen!
**Not all parents are good people, just because they're old they can still hurt cruelly.
aww..I agree. some parents can be really nasty to their kids.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
ty Devil!
**it's sad how materialistic the world is turning out to be...
yes...alot of today's youth seem to love THINGS more than PPL.
Keshi.
Sach hey WC n ty!
Im impressed by ur GREAT service towards the oldies. I hv been to few Rest Homes..and Hospices too. I've seen hell and cos of that, I realise how content I should be. Such places teach us abt LIFE. One day, we too will become old.
** The first time I went there was because I held sympathy for 'em but now I go 'coz they give me so much happiness. Besides, when I am low they give me so many reasons to smile and tell me about their lives 'n experiences.
Excellent! Im v proud of young ppl like u, who take that extra mile to make a total stranger happy. Well done!
Keshi.
ty Priya!
yes there r families who has to do that cos of other reasons. But Im talking abt ppl for just get rid of their parents...and thats v sad. I hv seen that happening in my own circle..
Keshi.
ty Vish!
**the basic problem with india now is the dissolving of the joint family system
I agree. Its become a trend to be DETACHED. Countries like India and Sri Lanka has the close-knit Family system unlike Western culture. I hope we dun lose that trait.
Keshi.
Sambyyyy ur free to say anything u want here and YES ur comment was VERY relevant to this post. TY for those GREAT words of Wisdom as usual! HUGZ! This is why I love having u here. U r AMAZING! U hv something different and beautiful and real to say abt every post I write. I love ya man!
**our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life. Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time his bones are being formed, his blood is being made, and his senses are being developed. To him we cannot answer 'Tomorrow.' His name is 'Today.'
I agree...totally! I hv seen that happening too. In our own family. One of my cousins who is a shrink, neglects her own 3 kids cos of her career and her husband's career. Its so v sad to see those kids growing up on their own, in other ppl's care, since childhood. Its unbelievable! My cousin gives them loads of money, things and sends them to Grammar schools but she's in a different country while the kids r here in Aus, all alone! HOW SAD is that now?? Like u said, these r the kids' best years..the growing up years and their parents r not with them.
U r 100% right Samby! Parents can be very selfish too. And like u said it leaves lasting effects on children. Cos a lost childhood can never be replaced by anything in this world.
**If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do. make them realise that u would turn out good anyway..witohut them ever being a part of ur goodness...then ur light of goodness may burn out their blindness
And this is why ur GREAT! Thats exactly wut Im saying too...just cos ur parents were bad to u, dun treat the same way.
Show them what they cudnt show u.
*HUGZ* beautiful heart!
Keshi.
HUGZ LaVida!
Keshi.
ty G-man!
Like u, I've been to some Homes like that too...and hospices too. Such visits open our eyes.
**my mum's parents live with us now. i'd never let my parents go to a nursing home. not while i'm still alive
Im v glad! *HUGZ*
Keshi.
ty Hemanth!
yes...the kids will carry the guilt in their hearts forever.
I know someone who chased his mum out of the house after 15yrs...all cos of his wife. He listened to his wife and put his mum out...
Keshi.
ty Dave MWAH!
Keshi.
yes Jay I agree..sometimes they need special care.
Keshi.
ty Aasyushi!
I hv the same qns in my mind..just HOW did they do it?
Keshi.
Bubbly ty!
That story touched me deeply I cried. :(
Is that a true story?
**Infact she had not moved from the seat since she was worried that her son would miss her when he came back
This line made me break down in tears!
It can happen. when children grow up and get married, they start listening to their partners and it can come to a situation like this..it breaks my heart...Im speechless...
Keshi.
ty Sinner!
Some ppl think their husbands/wives n kids are BIGGER than their own parents..thats why.
Keshi.
ty CN!
But it happens everywhere...every single day...
Keshi.
Coco ty sweetz!
**HOWEVER- there are times when the elderly parent is too sick for the adult child to take care. therefore, you place the parent where it is best for them...
I totally agree! Im nto talking abt such cases. Im talking abt ppl who just get RID of their parents.
ur a loving n caring daughter/niece, NO DOUBT! HUGGGGGGGGGGZ! Many ppl dun do what u hv done to ur elders. Its commendable!
Keshi.
ty Cinderz HUGZ!
**They love and have cared for me, my whole life!!To put them in someone else care is not in my Vocabulary!!
aww..Im glad sweetie! Im so sure u wont do such a thing to ur parents. U r REAL.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
ty Deepz!
yes I believe in Karma...
Keshi.
Cos Phoso brought up his kids briliiantly! :)
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
awwwwww ty Mel, I'll be there soon HUGZ!
Keshi.
Mystique WC n ty!
I know that song :)
**and if we really just look around us..and not that far too...we'll be able to see what god looks like
So true! Alot of ppl go to the temple to worship God and offer flowers n food...if only they can respect n love their parents the same way, then that'll be REAL DEVOTION.
Keshi.
ty Sushmita!
Nice to hear abt ur trips :)
** dunno about cultures but in Indian society our parents are one of the main reasons we become successful in life
yes..its the same in Sri Lankan culture. I dun think I'll be here today if not for my parents! Im what I am today cos of the love n support they gave me.
and ur right..they r not asking for much..only some love n care.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
Ishqia isnt that story so very sad! I cried.
Keshi.
yes Prats.
** i'm sure the parents even in that ripe old age would never do this if the role had to be replaced.
I so agree!
Keshi.
ty Aayushi, I'll be there soon :)
Keshi.
awww Nachi can I give ur a big warm hug? ready? HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! :)
Smile now...
hey ur not in the wrong here. Just that u cudnt be there on time. It was beyond ur control..besides u didnt know she was ill, did u?
*...sometimes it is the smallest of gestures that means the most...thousands spent on medical fees were no match for the joy that five minutes of being able to see the kids that she had helped raise would have given her.
I totally agree!
**and for that i am her culprit, for having denied her of that joy. no matter how many tears i shed, i can never forgive myself for that.
U can. U just didnt know she was ill and that she wanted to see u.
Nachi sometimes, things happen in life for us to open our eyes. This may be such an event in ur life...she was not only ur loving nanny, she was also ur eye-opener.
*MWAH*
Keshi.
ty Ravi!
yes..cos kids often forget ALL the things that their parents did for them to be where they r now.
Keshi.
yes Lover...so v sad.
Keshi.
KAP heyyyyyyyyyyy HUGGGGGGGGGZ! WB and I missed ya darling! Im soo happy to hv ya back :)
**well, i think such things happen and the one famous "excuse' is generation gap... ppl say they cannot confirm to the parents/grandparents idea..
I know but its such a big lie. Cos if some of us CAN, why cant the others? :)
Keshi.
ty Dawny HUGZ!
** coz I dont think even god comes and helps us in bad times. It's our parents who will do everything thing to make our life easier no matter how many sacrifices they had to do in their life just to bring that one smile on our face
v well-said! Some ppl pray in temples when actually they should be taking care of their parents..thats the real devotion and prayer!
Keshi.
ty CG!
**Maybe they were abusive parents, whom the kids couldn't wait to get away from, and maybe even give them a taste of their own medicine.
maybe ur rigth there in some parents being abusive. But I dun believe in REVENGE. I dun believe in treating ur parents the same way in order to make them realise. If we did that, they'll never realise their mistakes...wud they?
Keshi.
**RIGHT there
Keshi.
I agree 100% Sam!
Keshi.
well, saying that, "i did not know" does not absolve one of things, does it?...anyways, i do agree on the 'eye-opener' part. some lessons manage to get ingrained deep into our psyche.
...sheesh! you know it's not funny to be sitting here in the cyber cafe with teary eyes trying so hard not to let it trickle down the cheeks. not the kind of attention that i desire!
but the comments along with this post are just so heartfelt. so much for my famous machismo!
:)
**so much for my famous machismo!
haha Nachi so cute!
So u see...Keshi can destroy ur Manliness..lol do u mind?
Keshi.
**So u see...Keshi can destroy ur Manliness..lol do u mind?
do i mind?? do i?
HELL NO!
...lol, so how are you going to do that, Keshi girl? ;)
Its not a privilege to be old anywhere in these times unless you are blessed with sustainable wealth, and a honest administator to govern your last days in a humanitarian manner. A good guide as to what to expect can be drawn from the attitudes of your prodigy as you grow older. Fortunately I feel secure in the sense that I have provided for our future and would or will have more when our children aged 41 to 54 stop bludging on our resources.
Athough our 5 sons and their families, show the occasional interest it is obvious to me although not my beloved wife that their interests are still sucking , as if they had never left home. If my nearest and dearest departs before me, I shall probably secretly disappear to a exotic hideaway and live, then blow myself away when the pot empties.
Go to my blog for my current Whinge about f relatives.Vest.
A man had dislocated his shoulder and the nearest hospital was a maternity hospital. A lady doctor said this will only take few seconds to put it back in place. when it happened the man yelled out in pain and a nurse came from the next room and told him he was a sissy wimp and that a young girl in the next room never showed any pain giving birth to a 10 kilo baby boy. "Oh yea" said he "Try putting it back in".
Oyage uttara kiola thavath anduna!Atthetama oyava mehe hambuvecha eka e denna hinda venda ati.Kawadahari mama Aus awama mage Mamawa hambuvenna,oyava hambuvenavamai :)
Oyata godak godak aadarau kella!Muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Hi,Keshi-you touched upon a sad,but true fact of today's life. I've seen such cases,in our own Indian Society,too,which was supposed to be a very closely-knit one,compared to other countries. One of my relatives spent her life staying alone in Baroda(after her husband died),so that her children could be happy in England and Canada.She'd go to visit them every six months,and,each time,we could sense that she was less happy than the previous time,after the visit. Finally,it happened- old age did not allow her to go abroad any more,and,instead of taking her to their house,her son came to India,put her in an old age home...the rest,as they say,is history.I believe she's happy there-but,then,does she have a choice?
Wonderful post!
It made me cry!
Sad stuff.....
Nowadays parents are becoming garbage for newly riches. Somebody need to tell them that their parents are the ones who scarified their own life, their own happiness and their own wishes for their kids ...and these F****** kids are gifting them a place in old age home...wtf....
Hi,Keshi-that's a sad but true fact of life-even in India,where families were supposed to be more closely knit than in other parts of the world.
I have a relative-she spent nearly 20 years of her life(after her husband's death), staying in Baroda,away from her children who were in Canada and England,just so that they could progress happily. She'd visit them once every 6 months. But,each time,we'd sense that she was less happy with her visits than the previous times. Finally,it happened-old age began catching up with her and she couldn't travel. Instead of taking her to their homes,the first thing her son did was to find an old age home for her and promise to pay all expenses. Well,she does seem to be happy there,but then,does she have a choice?And, was paying money the way to repay all she had done for her kids?
Incidentally,frankly speaking,I don't think we should keep too many hopes from our next generation,too!!:):)Only time will tell the veracity of my view!(If we're still blogging after 15 yrs?LOL)
I shared your sentiments Keshi and I empathised with all the old folks out there abandon by their children.
It is a sad story really but as a results of so many older generation being left behind to be taken care by the State, we have a law (Maintenance of Parents Act) that parents could actually sue their children if they are not being taken by them.
However, some old folks are not aware of this unless social workers get round to helping them.
Great post, Keshi! And beautiful song!
It will be good to remember that we all become old ... very soon.
One my thought....
sometimes old parents feel much, much better in Home for the Aged than with their own children home.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
Since when has my name started to be spelled as Aasyushi?
Lol!
i cant comment cos i dont care
Thank you Keshi!
Have a beautiful Sunday!
Maria
i bled tears.
i bled my fears.
i bled my soul.
why do you think people that you know neglected or left their parents? cultural erosion..random reason or no reason? just curious.
btw, thanks for your wishes :)
Nachi how am I gonna do it? Well by making u cry ofcourse. LOL!
:)
Keshi.
ty Vesty that was very sensible!
**I shall probably secretly disappear to a exotic hideaway and live, then blow myself away when the pot empties.
aww...Im sure ur kids wudnt want u to do that?
Will be in ur blog soon.
Keshi.
**Oh yea" said he "Try putting it back in".
hahahahaha Vesty good one!
Keshi.
aww ur so sweet Sameera HUGZ! :)
oya mehe awawama, maawa hamba vennama ona haridha? dhan andanna epa.
ty so much!
Keshi.
ty AmitL!
**instead of taking her to their house,her son came to India,put her in an old age home...
thats what I call getting RID of one's parents. Its so sad but I've seen that happening all ard me!
Keshi.
ty Mayur n HUGZ!
**Nowadays parents are becoming garbage for newly riches
yes! u know what...recently an Indian friend of mine was proposed to a girl and he went to meet her for the first time..guess what she asked him? she asked him
"So when we get married, r u gonna bring the 2 dust bins with u?"
Guess what she meant by the 2 dust bins? HIS AGED PARENTS!!!!
Needless to say he didnt end up getting married to that bitch.
Keshi.
ty AmitL!
**Incidentally,frankly speaking,I don't think we should keep too many hopes from our next generation
I know. If some day I have kids if my own, Im not gonna EXPECT to lookafter me when Im old. I hv already secured my retirment years thru my Superannuation - if I live that long that is :)
Keshi.
ty Shionge!
**that parents could actually sue their children if they are not being taken by them.
Tho it's an effective deterrent, I dun think it's gonna change ppl deep inside. Cos that kinda dedication should come from the heart.
Keshi.
ty Krys!
**sometimes old parents feel much, much better in Home for the Aged than with their own children home.
I totally agree!
Keshi.
awww so sorry Aayushi LOL! My comments come with alot of typos. hahaha!
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
u do care Stygian...thats why u listened to the song :)
Keshi.
MWAH Maria bella!
Keshi.
Heartfelt, beautiful expression Casper HUGZ!
Keshi.
ty Jitterz, hope u had a good one
;-)
**why do you think people that you know neglected or left their parents? cultural erosion..random reason or no reason? just curious.
I know the reason behind those sad stories ard me. The kids grew up, got married and the new wives got the husbands to chuck the MILs out...in every case, the underlying reason was that! SADLY.
And I know 3 such MILs who r close to me...and the truth is, they r not cruel, bitchy MILs. And thats why I cant u'stand HOW the sons chucked em out. Manipulation by the wives ofcourse.
Keshi.
Beautiful and so thoughtful!!!!
I am not talking about revenge here Keshi. But I don't believe in one going out of their way to take care of parents who were abusive in the past. And, by abuse, I don't just mean physical abuse. There are a lot of parents who are mentally abusive to their kids, to the point of affecting the kids' self esteem.
ty Mansi!
*MWAH*
Keshi.
I agree CG...but I dun believe in putting my parents in an Aged Home even if they mentally/physically abused me. I think I wudnt be living with em in the first place if that happened over the years.
U know wut I mean. I mean if parents r this old, they cant prolly be too controlling anyways..so why put them in an Aged home n make em pay up for what they must hv done when they were younger?
btw I cant get to ur blog. U made it private :(
Keshi.
I really REALLY dont understand how people can just push away their parents to homes...i just cannot undersatnd how someone could change and become so heartless over time...i just cannot imagine the plight of those people who brought those sadists in this world with millions of hopes for their future...sadists, really...karma exists kesh...u just wait n c...
Awwww.. HUGS
yes Keshi....its a real story.....and this is not the 1st one I have encountered..... There are stories which I have read in newspapers..... All I pray is God give 'sanmati' to the generation of today.....may good sense prevail......
between I just checked, you have left a comment on my blog... I am not a regular writer...infact haven't written an article since I have started blogging.....waiting for the bug to bite me hard... :))
Also let me also be frank....since you had moderated your blog.... I could not post comments.....
so as an aftermath was this blog....
from whatever I read of you...... I like you a lot and have immense respect for you as a person.....
I thank Akshay for introducing me to your blog and to your world....
keshi, my heartfelt wishes n thanks to u. wishes for being so good. thanks for trying to bring some change thru ur blog.
this is one issue that bothers me a lot. parents care for u a lot by sacrificing their interests. n in the end, people leave them for dead. i hate this culture. i pledged long back that i'll never let anyone near me(not only my parents but also relatives n acquaintances) lead the solitary life in any homes for the old.
am in fact glad that i was able to donate something to an old age home and made a li'l difference in the occupants' life.
Hey Keshi...Don't you get tired of replying. Anyway I don't know if you'v heard of this movie called 'Baghban'. This was about a retired couple with 4 sons, who are all well-settled. The sons tell them not to stay in such a big house and separate the couple - the mother with one son where she is made to sleep in the kitchen since the servant cannot sleep w/o the fan, and the father with another son who keeps escaping to a nearby cafe to escape from his DIl's constant taunts. There he starts writing a book about his sons' betrayal. Fnally the couple decide to escape and meet at a common junction.They are absolutely penniless and are finally taken in by this one street kid whose education they had sponsored, and who is now a big guy. Meantime the book becomes a sucess and the 4 kids turn up to ask for their share, and are thankfully kicked out by the parents after telling them off.
I had tears in my eyes after I saw this movie.
Okie no more newspaper articles or movies I recall....just that this post of your is so touching and heartfelt, and something which is universal.
keshi...u knw..my materal n pateral grandfolks both lived with us...till the time my paternal grandpa expired...my dad never differentiated between the 2...there were 3 grandfolks at home...my paternal grandma expired a few yrs after dad was born...n that respect for folks has come down the line..today i only have my maternal grandma living with us...my maternal grandpa expired last month...but for me she is just my grand ma...n for my dad shes just like his mom...same for me...if my wud b wife had a prob she wudnt b a wife to me :)
Its really sad babes to see such sights. u very rightly sid whatever we are today we r cos of our folks , we shudnt forget abt it cos they made a lots of sacrifices just to give us their best n toay when then need us to stand up for em...we run away from em...n leave am alone with stangers....
yeah i feel sorry too :(
I love this post. Your compassion for the elderly is warm and loving. It is sad that not everyone is willing or able to look after their parents or older loved ones. I love your passion for things like this.
xo
Oh, that is so very sad.
Nora
me neither Preeti..I cant u'stand such ppl.
Keshi.
HUGZ Prachi!
Keshi.
ty Bubbly!
I cudnt believe it was a true story! I even told my mum abt it. And she felt v sad for that old lady.
**so as an aftermath was this blog....
awww..Im so sorry I hv Comment Moderation on. I had to turn it on due to some Anonymous commentors cloning me and leaving nasty comments here under my own ID. There was a time I had so many abusive comments that almost wrecked my online life. So I had to turn CM on and not allow Anony comments either. Cos i didnt wanna read 100s of abusive comments every morning n sit n delete em. I dun hv time for ppl like that.
But an unfavorable result of turning CM on was that genuine readers like u have to have a Blogger ID to comment here. :(
Im glad u got urself a Blogger Id just to comment here tho. Shows how much u enjoy my posts. TY n HUGZ!
Keshi.
Satish ur a great humanbeing!
Keshi.
aww SMM I hv seen that Hindi movie! GREAT one. Loved it, tho it was v sad.
Its always the daughters-in-law that become the reason for such ill-treatment of old parents.
Keshi.
and nah I dun ever become sick of reading and replying to u lovely ppl here SMM :)
I think I love varied THOUGHTS from different ppl all over the world!
Keshi.
ty Mav!
Im so v glad to hear that. :) Excellent family traits u've got!
Keshi.
aha Mia, its really sad!
Keshi.
aww ty Terry MWAH!
Keshi.
yes Nora..:*(
Keshi.
@keshi
wht i did or wht others r doing is very less compared to wht we should do. i hope god gives all the strength required to help all these people.
but its not how MUCH u do Satish...it's how WELL u do it, no matter how small the deed may be :)
@Satish
Keshi.
I want to weep when I see people in old age homes Keshigirl. My gran had this thing about celebrating her birthdays with people in this particular old age home. SO I've been there a few times with her.
It's such a humbling effect to see how much little acts of kindness men to them...as if kindness is something new, an alien concept.
Everytime I walked away from there I wanted to take some of them home with me. It felt horrible to leave them behind... with their questions of "will you come see us again?". And I'd lie "Of course" knowing fully well that I wouldn't be in that town beyond a week or two. And yet I'd say it, just to make them feel good.
BUT I have a wonderful uncle who'd tell me not to worry and that he'd go in my place. And he would. Unfailingly.
Dunno why I'm writing all this now. I feel home sick... for a home I've never really had.. and one I'll never have.
LOL! Does that even make sense?
Maca HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!
It seems like u come from an equally wonderful and caring family as YOU ARE. Thats great to know.
I hv been to a hospice...and an aged home..held hands with ppl as old as 95yrs...and asked abt their lives...and felt their pain just by looking at their hollow eyes! photos of their young families were all over their desks...
Keshi.
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