This post is a result of a recent conversation that took place between Stony and I.
Scenario: A man and a woman meet each other during a business trip...their eyes and hearts meet...an instant connection is being made. They become strongly attracted to each other. Both are in committed relationships already, but they both believe that one night of passion is not gonna wreck their lives. They book a hotel room that night and have passionate, wild, out-of-this-world kind of sex. She has never had such mindblowing sex before. He's never had such a terrific partner either...a woman who never complained or got bored with him. Physically, they clicked to the max. Also, because they were mentally agreeing and prepared for the outcome, without any fear. Few hours of sheer euphoric indulgence takes place, with countless moans of exquisite pleasure...and that night, they became an entity of pure lust in each others' arms. And now it's time for them to separate. They promise never to call or find each other. Cos they believe that it was purely physical and spontaneous.Is it? Is it really only physical? But, a One night stand can wreck a relationship for good. Why is that? Isn't sex purely physical in a situation like this? And as humans, we sometimes do fall for our desires and long for instant pleasures. It CAN happen even to the purest of people. Is it a crime? Should that break people up? Why do some people find it very difficult to forgive if their partners have sex with another, but find it easier to forgive if their partners physically hurt them? Both are physical acts right, so why does one act emotionally hurt more than the other? Can this scenario be considered as Cheating, even if it was only that once? Or is it a warning for more things to come? If so, how do we know? If that was your partner, would you forgive or would you leave and why? Do you think sex is just physical sometimes, if you want it to be? Would you accept that? Or would that break your trust for life? A committed relationship is based on both emotional and physical needs. So when it's not a committed relationship like in the above scenario, why do w
e still feel threatened and betrayed? True, it may make your partner seem like a cheap and easy character, but let's say it was just once. We all make all kinds of mistakes in our lives atleast once, don't we. So why do we humans confuse our certain emotional needs with another's certain physical needs? You tell me.
e still feel threatened and betrayed? True, it may make your partner seem like a cheap and easy character, but let's say it was just once. We all make all kinds of mistakes in our lives atleast once, don't we. So why do we humans confuse our certain emotional needs with another's certain physical needs? You tell me.Current Music: Careless Whisper by George Michael
242 Cranium Signets:
i am not sure how will i react if i were in such a situation but i wud sure feel betrayed if my partner slept with some1, even if it meant nothing at all!
i knw i might sound illogical but no logic im sure will be able to convince me not to feel cheated!
i was first!! woohoo :D
Gunj hey yes ur first yeyyyyyyyyyyy!
**even if it meant nothing at all
then why cant u forgive? I wanna know wut makes u so upset.
We r doing some research on this topic haha!
Keshi.
Yes, sex can be just a physical exercise. Many ppl do that because they loathe themselves. I remember a quote from Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged where one of a protagonist Francisco De Antonio says 'Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I can tell you his entire philosophy of life'. I think he is right, preference of our sex partner is related to who we are.
Sex is the only time when man comes to his brute instincts. When we fall in a relationship, we take it for granted that our partner commits of his/her body. Love and sex are so intermingled. When somebody's partner have sex with a third person he assumes his love is shared.
Beside there are laws that drives our thoughts. Had sex been too open there would have been so many social problems, emotional crisis, population related problems and so on.
If one indulges in a passionate sex with someone he/she doesnot know, I assume they do fall in love and to believe that similar conduct is not repeated is something very difficult to abide by.
omg...never read something like this before i am confused..but one thing i can say..that scenario is a totally cheating for the person's who believed them and best thing is to break up from people like that and live single if it is necessary..ok u ask it is only once y dont u forgive them...
let me say something if i scold someone once if the harshness i used hurts them so bad that they may never tak to me in life ..this is similar..once means a lot keshi..its soo cheating..but people these days changed a lot and the relations they r making sucks at big time..thats the very reason i am afraid to tak to gals and make a relation wer again i get cheated or anythin...may be better to like i am for the time being cant even tollerate some things..like i posted previoulsy how call center people behave in public..or how bangalore sucked me of my belief in gals..it may be even viceversa...but cheating is a big crime and i dont agree with it :(..i think i became a little emotional srry kesh...will be bac i am little emotional now..srry..
urs..hemu..
Interesting issue.
I know for sure that if my partner ever slept with another woman - even if it be it a one night stand - I would take it as a betrayal to me. For me a marriage is a deep commitment, a bond with my partner. I chose to share myself emotionally & physically with him. I am loyal to him and expect the same loyalty. It is also a question of trust. I trust my partner completely.
If he slept with another woman it would betray my trust in him and for that I cannot forgive him.
Gunj u were first cause u r the most wella right now :P ....chalo kaheen to first aaeee :P
neways i wud like to break this one thing into many aspects
1. do unto others as u wud have done unto u -> how would u have responede if ure partner had been the one to have had tht one night wid someone else, how wud u feel...
2. was sexual loyalty a part of the overall commitment u made to ure partner
3. if it was that one night of mind blowing sex...which really means ure partner aint giving it to u the way u need it...why wudnt u do it again with someone else...and if ure going to be going to others for sex do u really feel u can keep up with this relationship
4. Is sex physical or is it emotional...isn't it both...i remember and its been enough months of being high and dry to use the word remember that the best part of sex was not the action itself but holding the girl in my arms after we had exhausted ourselves...that cuddling really felt different.
5. Can cheating be forgiven...sure as can murder and rape and arson...its how big hearted u are and how deserving the person is...nobody ever said that a person who made a mistake can't walk the good line again...but i'd always suggest not being in a position to have to beg for forgiveness...can't be one of the best moments of anybody's life
6. so wat about sexual promiscuity before commitment...like when i didnt know the girl...wat if she has had more bfs than i have had b'days :P or vice versa...i would still not go for her....even though not being a virgin i dont demand a virgin but i dont think i wud feel secure wid a girl for whom sex is only a thing...
so thats my take on the whole thing
if it is before the commitment...it is okay for me..but if u say u r committed and then too ur physically attracted ..and rather than keeping urself only to fantasizing ..u did it...that's betrayal...
ANd I won't take it lightly...really....
btw come check the award post..and collect urs :P
it is more to the fact that..my guy found priviledge andmore pleasure in some other women's hand rather than mine...will hurt my ego big time... and the fact that even if this is jus onenight... he will eventually want more of these one0night stands..and be excited with them ..more than in me..
even if the above thing is not true..in his opinion...it will always stick with me... and i will always think like this..
and eventually the insecurity will kill this relationship...
thats what i think :)
hi keshi..good discussion..if its me..i would hv leave him..coz i think its betrayal..i cant take it..mayb i sound optimistic..but thatz me!
hv a great day..dear
A commitment between any 2 people means a commitment on all grounds until the end.
I consider any form of relationship, physical or emotional, beyond friendship, with another woman to be an act of betrayal to my loving wife.
There will always be temptations and situations... but True love would always prevent us from messing up.
One must remember that a momentary act of carelessness can make one lose his happiness forever...
take it easy mate.. cheers...
some things don't have logic or reason.In such situation,I wud hav felt cheated.I beliv its important 4 a happy conjugal lyf.
It is betrayal for me....a broken thread of trust.
Attraction may be a very physical thing, but sex isnt just a physical activity.
Isnt it all about the release of hormones that make you feel a certain way...?
So in the end what starts with cells, ends doen at how you feel.
And I will feel like I have/have been betrayed.
Forgiving/being forgiven or not is another story altogether.
I dun consider it as betrayal...it will hurt for sure...
Once it can be forgiven...but I am not sure about it...
Nice title to the post though :D
No say!
Men claim to love someone and desire someone else.
tough question.lets see,
Sex is a physical act. all animals indulge in it. Some animals choose a lifelong partner e.g swans, some choose a new partner every mating season like tigers. Some live in groups and have strict family like relations like monkeys and elephants.
We humans show all these characteristics. Hence the confusion, whats ok for one is inconceivable for another.
Is it easy to forgive? no. Would I want to? i will try hard if i think the situation merits it. Lonely island or too much to drink sort of reasons. Will i ever forgive and beleive in him completely? not likely.
In the situation u have sketched those two are cheating on their partners. Period. Its a thought out decision and I dont think it merits forgiveness at all.
I think all the relationships demands something from both of the involved party and what's this something, may be "Trust", "Commitment", "Intimacy", "Love" etc etc..
Even in Business also any partnership demands some kind of trust!!
So human always expect all these Emotional feelings from their partners, friend etc and if their expectation doesn't meet then off course it will do some damage (emotional break down!).
Now take a simple example, We have a married couple..but each of them don't trust each other and also they don't respect their relationship!! and let both of them have some secret affairs, so if any of them or both of them got to know about this then do u think any of them will get hurt? I don't think so because their relationship is not based on any kind of trust or commitment, there is no emotional bondage involved, in short they don't have any expectation from each other so off course they wudn't feel betrayed or cheated!
But if any one or both of them respect their relationship then the situation will be different, it will cause some serious damage to their realtionship..the reason is one person breached the contract or break the expectation of other person.
and whenever Expectation doesn't meet people get hurt...and the intensity of hurt depends on the priority of the person!!
like you said, being in a relationship is both physical and emotional. when one is in such a relationship, have a physical or emotional desire / satisfaction with another person is an act of betrayal. where is trust when one commits such an act.
btw, these two ppl who did, i guess it was jet lag and a few drinks! ;-))
Well Keshi ... so many questions. You’ve gone real in-depth on this one.
I don’t have all the “CORRECT” answers. But I do have my set of answers to the questions posed by you. I’ve answered with CAPS LOCK ON .. so it’s easy to distinguish the Q & A!
Is it? Is it really only physical?
NO. SEX IS IN THE MIND TOO. THE BODY RESPONDS TO THE MIND. OTHERWISE RAPE WOULD BE PLEASURABLE.
But, a One night stand can wreck a relationship for good. Why is that? Isn't sex purely physical in a situation like this?
SEX IS AS MUCH PHYSICAL AS IT IS MENTAL. SO IF YOU’VE MENTALLY GONE OVER FOR ONE NIGHT - YOU’VE OPENED THE DAM. WHAT’S TO STOP THIS ONE NIGHT FROM BECOMING MANY.
It CAN happen even to the purest of people. Is it a crime? NO IT IS NOT A CRIME. IT IS A CHOICE THAT WE MAKE.
Should that break people up? CAN’T REALLY SAY. IT WILL VARY ACROSS INDIVIDUALS. BUT YES - I CAN SAY THAT IT WOULD LEAVE A SCAR, UNLESS BOTH PARTNERS ARE PROMISCUOUS.
Why do some people find it very difficult to forgive if their partners have sex with another, but find it easier to forgive if their partners physically hurt them? SEX IS THE FINAL BARRIER. IT MEANS SURRENDERING ONESELF TO THE OTHER. SO THERE IS A BOND THAT IS CREATED. WE MAY TREAT IT WITH DISDAIN, GIVEN THE FACT THAT OUR EDUCATION IN THIS SECTOR STARTS EARLY AND SOME OF US ARE CONDITIONED TO IGNORE THE PAIN. BUT FOR MOST - IT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE.
Both are physical acts right, so why does one act emotionally hurt more than the other? PHYSICAL BEATING / PHYSICAL INFIDELITY ARE BOTH WRONG. ONE CAN BE JUSTIFIED BY THE HEART. THE OTHER HAS NO JUSTIFICATION. IT HURTS ONLY AS MUCH AS WE WANT IT TO.
Can this scenario be considered as Cheating, even if it was only that once?
YES - IN MY BOOK - IT IS CHEATING. EVEN IF IT HAPPENS JUST ONCE.
Or is it a warning for more things to come?
THAT’S WHY I CALL IT CHEATING.... IT’S LIKE THE KOSI RIVER THA JUST BURST ITS BANKS!
If so, how do we know?
WE DON’T. BUT I DO KNOW THAT IF THAT 1 NIGHT STAND WAS AWESOME - I’D LIKE MORE OF IT.
If that was your partner, would you forgive or would you leave and why?
IF I CHEATED ON MY WIFE - I WOULD NOT EXPECT HER TO FORGIVE ME. SOME BONDS ARE DIFFICULT TO RE-CREATE.
Do you think sex is just physical sometimes, if you want it to be? Would you accept that?
SEX IS MORE. EVEN IF IT’S THE PHYSICAL URGE OF THE MOMENT.
Or would that break your trust for life?
IT’LL HEAL. EVERYTHING DOES. BUT TIME AND THE RIVER TAKE THEIR OWN PATH FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA.
So why do we humans confuse our certain emotional needs with another's certain physical needs? WE’RE LIKE THIS BIG INTERNET INSIDE OF US. DIFFICULT TO ISOLATE ONE SERVER FROM THE OTHER.
jeez.. i'm sorry.. i just started writing and then it became a quest to answer all the questions. Didn't intend it to be so long
I wouldn't consider it cheating. It is human nature to do such things. It's always better to be prepared to know that something like this happened (than to live in a topia and then be shattered!)
I'd never break up wid my guy if such a thing happens. I wouldn't be hurt either...but if he starts making it a habit, then maybe there will be a prob!. But a one-night affair, for me, is no big deal.
i now blog at: http://alphabetworld.wordpress.com
hey keshi...
in a situation like this, personally i would def term it as an act of unfaithfulness n dishonesty. no, i don't think i would ever be able to forgive my partner even if it was just once...
because the relationship is just based on trust....and when one partner starts taking advantage of that trust to his benefit...a relationship is bound to be doomed sooner or later....
sure there r some complicated case in which kids are involved n so is the so-called social norm because of which sometimes partner tend to overlook or forgive the mistake n start afresh but inside no one would ever forgive such unfaithful partner...
BTW...this time u r on my site lady..go check it out!!!!
cheers
parul
I love this post ya did.
As a married man would i ever make love to another woman?
There would have to be more than purely passion there would have to be love and devotion. A need to be wanting this person, not for simply pleasure but for being a complete person.
If one did indulge in a said affair the aftermath would be enormous. Guilt, Sadness. Can one live with the thought that one has loved another?
The answer my dear is within each one of us.
You live by your actions.
and you must be accountable to oneself!
So...... How do ya feel about a good hard shag???????????
hey.. long time since im coming here.. nice post.. these are some of the things i wondered about many times, but putting myself in their shoes i can say that i will surely feel insecure if my partner sleeps with sum1 else.. if so, whats the point in us being 'partners' if we cant fulfil each others needs?whats the point?
anyway, nice post.. im blogrolling you! ciao round..
Philandering vs Physical abuse ...
Interesting observation.
I dont think anyone would be brqave enough to spare their respective partners/spouses for affairs.
A tough choice.One will always faces precarious situations if you travel in two boats.
It is a predicament I dont want ever to be in
i think I missed something..whether sexual relationship outside a partner is a cheating in first place..well unless the partners have explicitly made it clear that they have sexual freedom then there is no cheating and since there is rare of such understandings to have sex outside a relation is cheating. Now the question is why because when we fall in a relation one understanding is done implicitly that is "I won't sleep with somebody else", this is a self understood thing. So its an offense.
Now as far as physical relationship before a committment is concerned, I think that should not bother either of partners if neither of them have STDs. I find ppl who expect virgin for their bride real fools.
It comes to matters of trust, hope and comitment after marriage. But still go for it due to many pressures either job stress, family conflict or just for the heck of high paid job they increase their status.
Either a woman/man whoever goes against his or her beloved with another, we become animals tasting/ looking for more.
well i really dont know how i wld react in a situation like tht..i think a big fight wld be inevitable..but then comes the calm after the storm and reconciliation i guess...but it was cheating nonetheless...:(
the way i see it..
its part jealousy, part insecurity, part wishful thinkin..i mean one can have amzin sex plus rubbish conversation.sex blurrs the whole thing.for all we know, even a relationship with the one-night-stands can turn out be a nightmare.
-btw, this comment comes only out of watchin too much tv..i have no experience, emotions and the like to relate to :-)
two things here keshi..
one, if u in a committed relationship then it means tht u will be loyal for emotional and physical activities with ur partner... n thts about trust... whn u do sumthin like this, u r breakin sum1s trust. Ask ur partnr, if thy ok with it thn its a diff game... i know a woman whos ok with her husband in a semi-live in relationship with anothr chick...which is much more thn jst a one nite stand... but she says he comes home at the end of the day so its ok. thought i don agree
two, if u in love, thn i bel u will not wnt to be physical with neone else anyways. it just dosnt feel rite. If i don love sum1, i wont even let em hold my hand... But then, thts just me.
I am not sure if i will break up with him...depends on how much i love him, how long i have been with him and the history of the relationship/person. But I surely wudnt forgive my partner for sumthn like this... cuz in any case its breakin my trust that i have instilled in him.
Once a philanderer,always a philanderer.Be it just a night or years of two timing,infidelity is infidelity.Such people are losers to the core!
Isn't it a personality thing though? Some people can forgive one mistake (or several such mistakes) and some people simply cannot. I suppose it's about emotional strength and one's sense of security too. As with all traumatic incidents, how you come out of it matters... and how you do react and overcome something is defined within you.
NO! I don't do it! You don't do it! Thats the deal.
relevant thot..the question is wrth a million euros!!
do u guys watch How i met your mother by any chance???
My compliments, Keshi, for a thought provoking post as always.
There are thin lines between attraction, fantasy, sharing feelings, suggestive flirting, dating, sex and love. You never know when you crossed a line.
Sex beyond spouse/ lover is a forbidden fruit from which we refrain... until opportunity knocks.
When the opportunity knocks, we get into a state of denial. We weave justifications around us and break barriers with full conviction that we are not wrong.
For example we may have some of these feelings -
- I am not getting enough love/ attention from my partner.
- Where is the guarantee that my partner is not cheating on me or will not do so in future?
- Don't I have the right to have pleasure?
- Why is it that we are not supposed to love more than one person at a time?
- I hope my partner will understand.
After we have yielded to/ initiated sex with the third person, it is always a better experience because -
- Both make extra effort to give pleasure to each other unlike in oft-repeated sex with partner.
- There is an element of thrill in living out a fantasy.
- We don't know the negative traits, the new person might have.
One time ExtraPhysical relation may not remain a one time affair. Because -
- We may make comparison between the existing partner and the new person and may find the new person more fulfulling.
- It may be difficult to resist subsequent moves by the new person.
- If our partner finds out, then we may argue, justify thus widening the divide. We may start doubting continuance of the existing relationship and may end up interacting more with the new person.
Now, the most difficult question - Should we forgive and forget?
My take on this is YES we must forgive. A relationship should not be so fragile. It should be strong enough to ward off some turbulance here and there. Unconditional forgiving is a prerequisite to win him/ her back (unless we were looking for an opportunity to dump the partner).
We are not able to forgive because we mistake our partner's ExtraPhysical affair with something lacking in us. We have a fear that our partner will sooner or later leave us. So why not make the first move... an immature move!
Why?
Our partner had sex just because he/ she had opportunity and need for sex (may be for that extra kick from an ExtraPhysical sex) and NOT because we were lacking.
And even if we chose to separate then what? We would find another partner. And IF WE HAPPEN TO FIND OUT again... think about it.
Neah.
I won't accept this from my partner. not at all.
It's Trust which takes first place in relationship called marriage.
Luv and smile always,
Tejas Lakhani
I feel the need to comment further on this.........all joking aside as i read it I am not sure if even You know what question to ask.
reading others comments they too have varying views on the subject matter......... They are also percieving things from their view point and this is waht is o beautiful about your post ..... everyone looks at it from different angles ... isn't the human race WONDERFUL?
Now i have ask for ya number, asked ya out on friday , aske for a shag..........I suppose a kiss is outta the question two?
Oh come on..ya laughed aye?
first of all,Thanks for the award..U made my day!!!
I am sooo confused about wt my reaction would be, in such a situation...But i guess i am possessive eough not not forgive him for that...
just wondering...even ven one get physically involved out of sheer passion n nuthing else, isn't somewhere the heart n emotions are involved, before, durin or even after tht?
It's the difference between lust and love. you may feel lust to any beautiful guy/gal but love only to one.
But, if you really love someone you'll certainly be able to control your lust for others.
Keshi..
I just knew about the gift today only!
Thank you so much!
As usual I was late ..
will come back and read the post..
it is always a great feeling..
thank you..
take care
Baby B will be so happy to see the awards..
smile..
MIP
hmmm .... then what does one mean by commitment ??? that he/she wont get emotionally attached to someone else .... but will go around and fulfill my physical needs ...
well commitment means that you are committed to your partner howsoever he/she is .... might not be a pro in bed ... but doesn't mean that if one has access to better options ... he/she starts demeaning their partner ...
wow.. nice pic... nice boobs... totally love those! :D
err... we confuse our emotional needs to someones physical needs bcoz... if i would start taking emotional n physical needs as two separate things.. I'd have fucked a new gal every night! I'd have one night stands every day... err.
How can I have one night stands during day... so make it one day stands...
so.. my policy.. don't fuck around un less u r committed to the one u do or screw...
call me old fashioned... and well... first let me have a partner then will think what if she has a one night stand.. or a one day stand..
I hate to be hypothetical... :P again call me old fashioned!
hmmmm , i guess a partner would want full loyalty in every matter from the other half in all ways . so i guess people forgive things like domestic violence because even in that they see loyalty ( as in sticking to the same person , whatever the reason may be )
but as in sleeping with someone else , the first hurdle is the word 'someone else' --- leads to jealousy & questions like 'why it wasnt me with him/her"
i know i have commented in a vague sort of way , but hope that my point got through.
I think I'll feel that I have been cheated on so I would right away walk away...
commitment to me is being there...in every circumstances...good or bad...
don't know what it sounds like but I love this belief of mine :)
Hi,Keshi...there are diff. viewpoints..from the traditional Indian viewpoint,it's treason..reason enough for divorce,if Hindi movies are to be believed.haha!People are too scared of what 'samaaj'(the fraternity) will say if they come to know of such 'affairs',and hence,such situations lead to blackmail,murders(That's the stuff Hindi serials are made of) and what not!
I see nothing wrong in one nite stands and just purely physical sex being the sole aim in such a situation (*Whew!says Keshi..what a revelation!!LOL*)But,wait,wait-not on a personal level.I wouldn't go in for one, purely coz I can't imagine just physical attraction without any love or intimacy being a part of it.
On the other hand,if someone does believe in it,and goes for it,well,good for them!If it suits them,why should I poke my nose in their affairs?
On a slightly funny note,think-what about affairs at nudist colonies??ROFL!!!(Put that up as a question next time-it should attract some interesting answers)
sometimes I feel casual sex can chip u away..
if someone is in a mutually agreed upon, monogamous relationship, then sex w/ someone, as casual as it maybe is a breach of trust..so the heartache
Got a Ganesh Festivial update running.
Do check it
This is purely from my point of view, but sex can never be physical - there must be something missing in the other relationship that is translating into meaningless sex . it can be Lack of communication or fulfillment . For me it would be break the relationship and of course land me in jail for murder :D!
I think sex cannot be seperated into physical and emotional because I feel it is tied to one another.I have to agree that even if it is a one night stand it is a warning for things to come.A certain amount of trust is lost when one partner cheats and I think the emotional trauma and scarring never leaves you.
BTW you have an award waiting for you.
Hi Keshi
Have you been reading my bio? LOL
Everything we do physically or mentally is directly connected to our emotions. How we react to our emotions is related to how we respond to a situation.
The need to have sex with someone is filling both a physical and emotion need. I know many girls who have sex to fulfill an emotional need to be close to someone-if only for the moment or less.
Bev
I would feel bad and hurt...
But I think I'll still forgive.I think so and that would be on the same points, you mentioned.
But they say, we usually surprise ourselves...so u never know!
I did it many times really.. always wanting to find love only sex I guess perhaps 29 times one eyear! In Asyl Centrum aslso boring obly sex for funs!
Its biological need not emotional.
When Head rules Heart we do mistake i.e., why I say :
Listen to your heart only...
@keshi
i dont knw myself :(
@girish
look at d huge analysis u made thr...we ofcoz knw whoz more vella !! hmphhh!
hey Restless tnxx!
**Many ppl do that because they loathe themselves
really? why d u think sex takes place when ppl hate themselves? I dun think its always the case?
** I think he is right, preference of our sex partner is related to who we are.
I agree, but sometimes ppl can be poles apart in personality but still get attracted physically.
**When we fall in a relationship, we take it for granted that our partner commits of his/her body. Love and sex are so intermingled. When somebody's partner have sex with a third person he assumes his love is shared.
ur right. Its also the Ego being shattered. But I still think that Love n Lust should not always be mixed up.
**Had sex been too open there would have been so many social problems, emotional crisis, population related problems and so on
u mean 'there would NOT have been...' right?
**If one indulges in a passionate sex with someone he/she doesnot know, I assume they do fall in love and to believe that similar conduct is not repeated is something very difficult to abide by
Interesting! so u think when making love with a total stranger, they do fall in LOVE?
I can never hv a physical r'ship with someone I dont LOVE. So yeah, ur spot on there!
Keshi.
hey Hemz!
**never read something like this before i am confused
never heard of a one-night-stand? how come? where d u live Hemz, North Pole? LOL!
** best thing is to break up from people like that and live single if it is necessary.
ok, so thats wut u wud do. Interesting.
**once means a lot keshi...
so Hemz r ya saying u NEVER make a mistake, just once even?
According to Buddhism Lying/Cheating, Adultery, Stealing, Killing and Alcohol/Drugs are 5 major sins. As humans we all r VERY MUCH prone to committing these sins atleast ONCE in our lives. If not, we cant be human or we may be monks in the forests.
So when someone makes a mistake just ONCE, whether it's Sex or Lies or Stealing, its all the same. And its VERY possible. So does this mean Forgiving does not exist in ur life?
Wut say Hemz? :)
Keshi.
ty SMM!
yes, its breaking the Trust, I agree.
**I chose to share myself emotionally & physically with him. I am loyal to him and expect the same loyalty
Agreed. But if it was just ONCE, wud u break up with him?
My point is, dun all humans make mistakes of all kinds, atleast ONCE in this life? If u really Love someone, is Forgiving that someone so difficult, for a mistake that happened just ONCE?
Keshi.
ty Girish :) I so luv ur name!
**1. do unto others as u wud have done unto u -> how would u have responede if ure partner had been the one to have had tht one night wid someone else, how wud u feel...
Good point. But wudnt that be like thinking and behaving in the manner that someone else wud? Wut wud YOU feel abt this? Isnt that what you should be thinking abt, instead of what your PARTNER wud hv done?
**2. was sexual loyalty a part of the overall commitment u made to ure partner
I u'stand that. when 2 ppl r in a r'ship, it seems that they own each others' bodies too. But is this a natural feeling or something we humans hv set as a RULE?
**3. if it was that one night of mind blowing sex...which really means ure partner aint giving it to u the way u need it...why wudnt u do it again with someone else...and if ure going to be going to others for sex do u really feel u can keep up with this relationship
So is this also the Partner's fault? If he/she aint getting good sex, does that mean the r'ship is at the brink of death?
**4. Is sex physical or is it emotional...isn't it both...i remember and its been enough months of being high and dry to use the word remember that the best part of sex was not the action itself but holding the girl in my arms after we had exhausted ourselves...that cuddling really felt different.
I agree. But then again, ur talking abt the committed r'ship here, and not the one-night-stand.
**5. Can cheating be forgiven...sure as can murder and rape and arson...
Cheating is wrong yes, but it cannot be comapred to crimes such as Rape and Murder. Cos cheating occurs between 2 CONSENTING adults, altho the 3rd person is being taken for a ride.
**its how big hearted u are and how deserving the person is...nobody ever said that a person who made a mistake can't walk the good line again...but i'd always suggest not being in a position to have to beg for forgiveness...can't be one of the best moments of anybody's life
o cmon Girish dun tell me ur PERFECT and that u never made a mistake in ur life! :)
Remember that Sex is not the only kind of mistake ppl make in life...there's Lying, Stealing, Alcohol/Drug abuse, Murder, Hurtful words etc etc.
And also, a mistake can happen thru THOUGHTS and WORDS too, not only thru DEEDS. Just that we humans consider DEEDS as the most profound one. Cos it seems so.
**6. so wat about sexual promiscuity before commitment...like when i didnt know the girl...wat if she has had more bfs than i have had b'days :P or vice versa...
yeah and?
**i would still not go for her....even though not being a virgin i dont demand a virgin but i dont think i wud feel secure wid a girl for whom sex is only a thing...
but thats not wut we r talking abt here...we r not talking abt Nymphos here Girish lol! Its a one-night-stand that we r talking abt, and that doesnt automatically make a person a sex maniac!
tnxx :)
Keshi
omg my Bro seems like a overly strict partner! :)
**but if u say u r committed and then too ur physically attracted ..and rather than keeping urself only to fantasizing ..u did it...that's betrayal...
so u say fantasizing it is ok?
I believe even THINKING or TALKING abt having sex with someone ur attracted to is the same as DOING it.
Keshi.
ty Veenz u raised some good points there.
**will hurt my ego big time
Spot on! It's our Ego being shattered that doesnt allow us to Forgive and move on.
**and eventually the insecurity will kill this relationship
Thats another good point! INSECURITY. Cos we'll always be thinking abt wut happened and now we dun wanna TRUST that person.
Sometimes I wonder why its so hard to Forgive and to Trust again...
Keshi.
ty Anits!
**i would hv leave him
just like that? :)
I'd slap him, kick him, burn his shorts, break his TV...but I'd give him a 2nd chance...I know I will.
Keshi.
I personally think a one night stand by a committed person is equal to cheating. I mean how can u say u are committed to someone and still cheat on him/her?
If someone isnt committed to anyone.. then he/she can go around fucking a gazillion ppl.. coz its their life.. but the moment ur committed, u r responsible for 2.
U might call me old fashioned or watever, but I would not take it lightly if my partner cheats on me.. and I dont expect her to do that either!
ty Arv!
Committment is a Rule we set ourselves to abide by...tho we all LIKE to believe there's Committment in our r'ships, we r also HUMAN. Sometimes we do give into temptations. But that doesnt mean we r reckless, whorish, cheap ppl...not if it doesnt happen more than once.
**There will always be temptations and situations... but True love would always prevent us from messing up
true love...I really wonder wut that is :)
Just like we want Committment, True Love, Respect etc etc, dun we wanna practice Forgiveness too?
Keshi.
ty Anwesa!
Cheated yes, and we'd feel awful too.
**.I beliv its important 4 a happy conjugal lyf.
true...but dun u think FORGIVENESS and being able to TRUST again is also imp for a happy life?
Keshi.
ty Cindy!
**Isnt it all about the release of hormones that make you feel a certain way...?
attraction yes. Mebbe there's some love in there too...love of the personality and instant feelings for each other.
**betrayal
I agree Cindy..but isnt Forgiving and being able to Trust again is also a part of the Love u share with ur partner? Does making a mistake once mean he/she dun deserve to be trusted again?
Keshi.
ty Prakhar!
**I dun consider it as betrayal...it will hurt for sure...
Love the way u think.
It'll hurt big time yes...but we all make mistakes ONCE or more than that in this life!
Keshi.
ty Mez!
**Men claim to love someone and desire someone else.
wow good one! they always say that ha :) wonder wut the logic behind that is..
I think they know how to separate Love from Lust...some do..
Keshi.
ty Pinku!
Great take on this.
**We humans show all these characteristics. Hence the confusion, whats ok for one is inconceivable for another.
Agreed.
**Is it easy to forgive? no. Would I want to? i will try hard if i think the situation merits it. Lonely island or too much to drink sort of reasons. Will i ever forgive and beleive in him completely? not likely.
Understandable. But we should never forget that he/she who cheated just this ONCE, was PURE like us before they cheated. Meaning, it CAN happen to any one of us. Nobody is mistakes-free.
**In the situation u have sketched those two are cheating on their partners. Period. Its a thought out decision and I dont think it merits forgiveness at all.
Wut merits Forgiveness then? No one sleeps with another 'unconsciously' do they?
Keshi.
ty Dreamcatcher!
**...because their relationship is not based on any kind of trust or commitment, there is no emotional bondage involved, in short they don't have any expectation from each other so off course they wudn't feel betrayed or cheated!
Agreed. But if they dun hv any EXPECTATION from each other, why r they in a r'ship in the first place?
qn was not if u'd get HURT or not...cos definitely ppl will get hurt if their partner cheated on em. qn was r u able to FORGIVE and TRUST again?
If 2 ppl r so seriously in love, it is imp to u'stand that love isnt a business contract. that a r'ship between 2 humans r prone to a breach of trust. and if the Love is real, yes u will be able to FORGIVE, especially if the mistake was just ONCE.
d u believe in giving someone a 2nd chance? just cos u LOVE that person?
Keshi.
hey Deepz tnxx!
**have a physical or emotional desire / satisfaction with another person is an act of betrayal. where is trust when one commits such an act.
I agree. Now lets say it happened somehow. wuts next? where is the LOVE u say u hv for her Deepz? does that hv something called Forgiveness in it? Or does that Love only think abt YOUR hurt? :)
Keshi.
Looks like this topic's chasing me...:)
Its cheating, no ifs and buts(i already discussed some reasons on my blog)
And this song is very special...sigh*
ty Arjun!
**I don’t have all the “CORRECT” answers..
There is no RIGHT/WRONG answers anyways :)
**NO. SEX IS IN THE MIND TOO. THE BODY RESPONDS TO THE MIND. OTHERWISE RAPE WOULD BE PLEASURABLE.
I agree. Good ans!
**SEX IS AS MUCH PHYSICAL AS IT IS MENTAL. SO IF YOU’VE MENTALLY GONE OVER FOR ONE NIGHT - YOU’VE OPENED THE DAM. WHAT’S TO STOP THIS ONE NIGHT FROM BECOMING MANY.
Agreed on the first part but why DOUBT that this may not be the only time?
**NO IT IS NOT A CRIME. IT IS A CHOICE THAT WE MAKE.
true...cos it happens between 2 consenting adults.
**CAN’T REALLY SAY. IT WILL VARY ACROSS INDIVIDUALS. BUT YES - I CAN SAY THAT IT WOULD LEAVE A SCAR, UNLESS BOTH PARTNERS ARE PROMISCUOUS.
Disagree! :) Just cos one person is able to FORGIVE somehow, and move on, that does NOT mean that person is PROMISCUOUS! I think being able to forgive in a situation like this, leaving behind the hurt etc, is a very COURAGEOUS act. That shows REAL LOVE somehow. Cos this is a mistake that happened once and to place TRUST again on that person is a huge quality of True Love. And Im not talking abt Slefish love.
**SEX IS THE FINAL BARRIER. IT MEANS SURRENDERING ONESELF TO THE OTHER. SO THERE IS A BOND THAT IS CREATED. WE MAY TREAT IT WITH DISDAIN, GIVEN THE FACT THAT OUR EDUCATION IN THIS SECTOR STARTS EARLY AND SOME OF US ARE CONDITIONED TO IGNORE THE PAIN. BUT FOR MOST - IT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE.
I agree...but so does a slap or domestic violence.
**PHYSICAL BEATING / PHYSICAL INFIDELITY ARE BOTH WRONG. ONE CAN BE JUSTIFIED BY THE HEART. THE OTHER HAS NO JUSTIFICATION. IT HURTS ONLY AS MUCH AS WE WANT IT TO.
It differs from person to person I guess...also, it depends alot on wut the individual was brought up to believe.
**YES - IN MY BOOK - IT IS CHEATING. EVEN IF IT HAPPENS JUST ONCE.
agreed...:)
**THAT’S WHY I CALL IT CHEATING.... IT’S LIKE THE KOSI RIVER THA JUST BURST ITS BANKS!
Not always. Makign a mistake is very HUMAN. That doesnt mean it'll happen again..it might but not with everyone!
**WE DON’T. BUT I DO KNOW THAT IF THAT 1 NIGHT STAND WAS AWESOME - I’D LIKE MORE OF IT.
So u'd be tempted too? :) That means ur capable of making a mistake too, just like anyone else is.
**IF I CHEATED ON MY WIFE - I WOULD NOT EXPECT HER TO FORGIVE ME. SOME BONDS ARE DIFFICULT TO RE-CREATE.
u wud not EXPECT to be forgiven, but wut if she did?
**SEX IS MORE. EVEN IF IT’S THE PHYSICAL URGE OF THE MOMENT.
aha...
**IT’LL HEAL. EVERYTHING DOES. BUT TIME AND THE RIVER TAKE THEIR OWN PATH FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA.
well-said!
**WE’RE LIKE THIS BIG INTERNET INSIDE OF US. DIFFICULT TO ISOLATE ONE SERVER FROM THE OTHER.
hehehe true...good one!
I loved ur answers n honesty, ty Arjun!
Keshi.
**SELFISH love
@Arjun
Keshi.
hey Scorpia tnxx hun!
**I wouldn't consider it cheating. It is human nature to do such things. It's always better to be prepared to know that something like this happened (than to live in a topia and then be shattered!)
Amen! Someone knows wut Im talking abt :)
Living in a rosy bubble called Committment is always a recipe for disaster...especially when ppl dun realise that PEOPLE R PEOPLE. And there's ROOM TO ERR.
I dun u'stand how some ppl live in self-deception. shit CAN happen, and if it's real love, we should be able to overcome the hurt and forgive too. And yes, if it keeps happening again n again, then yeah thats when one should call it CHEATING.
**I'd never break up wid my guy if such a thing happens. I wouldn't be hurt either...but if he starts making it a habit, then maybe there will be a prob!. But a one-night affair, for me, is no big deal.
I agree. I'd be very hurt tho. But I can trust myself to be able to forgive him and give him one more chance...cos if Im in a r'ship with him, he must be special and I must hv LOVED him truly to begin with.
Keshi.
hey ty Parul!
**but inside no one would ever forgive such unfaithful partner...
really? I thought I can forgive just once, even tho Im not like that :)
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
hey Steve tnxx!
**There would have to be more than purely passion there would have to be love and devotion. A need to be wanting this person, not for simply pleasure but for being a complete person.
I totally agree!
**If one did indulge in a said affair the aftermath would be enormous. Guilt, Sadness. Can one live with the thought that one has loved another?
It must be very hard to live with, but if ur partner chooses to forgive ya and trust in u again, life can happen again...
A good hard shag is always good lol!
Keshi.
hey Harini WC n ty!
** if so, whats the point in us being 'partners' if we cant fulfil each others needs?whats the point?
I agree. but wuts the point in being in love and being human if we cant forgive?
:)
Keshi.
ty Tarun!
**I dont think anyone would be brqave enough to spare their respective partners/spouses for affairs.
not all r selfish Tarun. :) some ppl hv been and will be BRAVE enough to make that step of Forgiving and Giving a 2nd chance to the one they claim they LOVE so much.
Keshi.
ty Restless u made a very clear point there.
It's the 'expectation' in a r'ship that makes it Cheating. I agree with u.
**I find ppl who expect virgin for their bride real fools.
lol me too. Its ignorance, nothing else.
Keshi.
ty Priya!
some ppl hv sexual affairs to gain status...I know it happens alot. And thats really cheap.
**Either a woman/man whoever goes against his or her beloved with another, we become animals tasting/ looking for more
do we? may be some ppl do that, but I dun think ALL will. Some of us make mistakes and learn from em too Priya.
Keshi.
ty Aphrodite!
**..i think a big fight wld be inevitable..
oyess, I'd come pretty close to Lorena Bobbit lol!
**but then comes the calm after the storm and reconciliation i guess
Spot on! And thats what Im talking abt. When u love someone deeply, and if that person admitted to wut he/she did, do u hv in ur heart enough LOVE to forgive and trust that person again?
That was my qn...and so many ppl didnt seem to know wut that LOVE was all abt. It doesnt mean ur being stupid to give that person a 2nd chance, but it means u love them enough to do it. Giving a 2nd chance is Loving them too.
Keshi.
ty Krithika and WC!
**its part jealousy, part insecurity, part wishful thinkin..i mean one can have amzin sex plus rubbish conversation.sex blurrs the whole thing.for all we know, even a relationship with the one-night-stands can turn out be a nightmare
it can. but how good is a r'ship in a marriage can be? we cant always guarantee the best can we!
:)
Keshi.
ty Div!
**but she says he comes home at the end of the day so its ok
uh oh, thats not ok with me! lol! wow how brave is she? or should I say how low is on self-esteem?
I'd be able to forgive if it was just ONCE..but not if it's like that!
And ur right...Forgiving depends on how much u love him. I believe if there's true love, u can forgive just this ONCE?
Keshi.
ty Sameera!
I know wut ur saying but sometimes ppl do make mistakes, sex or not. And that doesnt mean they should be BRANDED losers...does it?
dun some humans DESERVE a 2nd chance?
Keshi.
wow brilliant observation Dewdrop!
ty I love ur take on this!
** I suppose it's about emotional strength and one's sense of security too.
Spot on! Its all abt how SECURE u r with urself and how much STRENGTH n LOVE u've got to be able to forgive and move on.
Keshi.
haha BW u mega strict gal! :)
Keshi.
hehe Sid :) hows u?
Keshi.
hey Ankur!
**do u guys watch How i met your mother by any chance
its one of my FAVs! :)
Keshi.
I must THANK you Stony cos ur the one who made me think and write this post. Ur chapters in ur blog r so refreshing to the mind and speak of real characters in life.
Wut a brilliant take on this post too...loved ur comment!
yes and that opportunity can meet ya in places u never thought u'd find it.
**- I am not getting enough love/ attention from my partner.
**- Where is the guarantee that my partner is not cheating on me or will not do so in future?
**- Don't I have the right to have pleasure?
**- Why is it that we are not supposed to love more than one person at a time?
**- I hope my partner will understand.
true...all these may be REASONS we attribute for justification of our deeds.
**- Both make extra effort to give pleasure to each other unlike in oft-repeated sex with partner.
I think there's great pleasure between 2 total strangers...the secrecy of it brings heavenly excitement. ok now Im off to find a stranger lol!
**- There is an element of thrill in living out a fantasy.
true!
**- We don't know the negative traits, the new person might have.
I agree. But in a purely sexual r'ship like this, does it matter?
**One time ExtraPhysical relation may not remain a one time affair.
now thats where they cross the line...and enter into dangerous territory.
**- We may make comparison between the existing partner and the new person and may find the new person more fulfulling.
true...Sex is huge part in a r'ship so yeah good sex matters.
**- It may be difficult to resist subsequent moves by the new person.
how cud u resist me Stony? lol joking!
**- If our partner finds out, then we may argue, justify thus widening the divide. We may start doubting continuance of the existing relationship and may end up interacting more with the new person.
agreed! quite possible.
**My take on this is YES we must forgive. A relationship should not be so fragile. It should be strong enough to ward off some turbulance here and there.
wow I love the way u think! Thats exactly wut I meant too. if u love someone so truly, Forgiveness is a must...atleast the first time ard. o.w. I believe the r'ship was based on loose grounds anyways.
**Unconditional forgiving is a prerequisite to win him/ her back (unless we were looking for an opportunity to dump the partner).
agreed...in a solid r'ship, u dun check if a mistake merits Forgiveness. Yes it hurts alot, but its imp to look beyond that.
**We are not able to forgive because we mistake our partner's ExtraPhysical affair with something lacking in us. We have a fear that our partner will sooner or later leave us. So why not make the first move... an immature move!
INSECURITY! totally agree!
**Our partner had sex just because he/ she had opportunity and need for sex (may be for that extra kick from an ExtraPhysical sex) and NOT because we were lacking.
I agree. It may be just that once, so lets learn to TRUST again. If ir happens repetitively, then there's a real issue there.
**And even if we chose to separate then what? We would find another partner. And IF WE HAPPEN TO FIND OUT again... think about it.
so true! very well-said.
Alot of ppl think r'ships r forever...they put nails and bolts ard it and EXPECT it to stay put.
Keshi.
ty Tejas!
**I won't accept this from my partner. not at all.
It's Trust which takes first place in relationship called marriage
yes..but ppl die too. Wut happens to the FOREVER r'ship then? :)
My point is, trust, committment, true love, mutual respect etc etc they all matter in a r'ship...but we r also HUMAN. dun forget that Tejas. And we hv room to err. and if we make a mistake just once, it does not mean we r LOSERS for life. No one is perfect.
Keshi.
lol Steve duhhhhhhh! ;-)
Im not a consenting adult ok hahahaha!
And yes, I like the variety of opinions here...very interesting!
Keshi.
ty Akanksha! :)
**But i guess i am possessive eough not not forgive him for that...
everyone handles it differently and thats ok. Im possessive too...but i think after hitting him for 24hrs, lol, I'd be able to forgive..just ONCE!
Keshi.
hey Nikita tnxx!
**...even ven one get physically involved out of sheer passion n nuthing else, isn't somewhere the heart n emotions are involved, before, durin or even after tht?
I agree..somehow emotions get involved too...and thats why its such a serious and hard one to move on from.
Keshi.
ty Aneesh!
**. you may feel lust to any beautiful guy/gal but love only to one.
Really? But I LOVE many guys lol!
On a serious note, I dun agree that we can ONLY LOVE ONE PERSON. Humans r polygamous by nature Aneesh. Its just that we make up our mind to stick to one person, cos thats the society's norm. Thats why when a partner leaves or dies, ppl get married to new ones. Cos we r polygamous. Its a scientific FACT.
**But, if you really love someone you'll certainly be able to control your lust for others.
Control is the word yes! Cos thats what we all are doing. :)
Sometimes, we may not hv the power to control. It happens.
Keshi.
hey MIP Im glad :)
tnxx!
Keshi.
ty Hiren!
**then what does one mean by commitment ??? that he/she wont get emotionally attached to someone else .... but will go around and fulfill my physical needs ...
hehe no thats not wut Committment means. But Committment does not GUARANTEE us anything Hiren...so we must beware.
**well commitment means that you are committed to your partner howsoever he/she is .... might not be a pro in bed ... but doesn't mean that if one has access to better options ... he/she starts demeaning their partner ...
I agree. But dun forget we r HUMAN too...there r certain times that we may fail that Committment.
Committment not in-built to humans. Its rules that we set for ourselves.
Keshi.
even ven one get physically involved out of sheer passion n nuthing else, isn't somewhere the heart n emotions are involved, before, durin or even after tht?
I agree..somehow emotions get involved too...and thats why its such a serious and hard one to move on from.
Keshi.
4 September 2008 13:33
****Dont agree with this, sometimes its purely physical and the emotions stay only on the bed and once u move out, its all gone. Been there, done that many times in the past, except the formal appreciation to each other's performance during the act neither of us ever went back to each other.
ty Hiren!
**then what does one mean by commitment ??? that he/she wont get emotionally attached to someone else .... but will go around and fulfill my physical needs ...
hehe no thats not wut Committment means. But Committment does not GUARANTEE us anything Hiren...we must be aware of it.
**well commitment means that you are committed to your partner howsoever he/she is .... might not be a pro in bed ... but doesn't mean that if one has access to better options ... he/she starts demeaning their partner ...
I agree. But dun forget we r HUMAN too...there r certain times that we may fail that Committment.
Committment is not in-built to humans. Its rules that we set for ourselves.
Keshi.
hey Iceman tnxx!
**wow.. nice pic... nice boobs... totally love those!
yeah so if u saw THAT on a business trip, fuck ur 'old-fashioned' comment right? LOL!
Its not abt fucking ard that Im talking here Iceman...its abt having made a mistake just ONCE.
r u perfect? d u think u r a mistake-free human? :)
Keshi.
"Agreed. But if it was just ONCE, wud u break up with him?"
Once or a 10 times - this would constitute an act of cheating my book. Anyway how would I know that if I forgave him for one act of indiscretion, it won't be repeated again?
Whether I would break up or not I don't know. Depends entirely on the circumstances - kids would be an important factor. But I do know that trust once broken takes a long long time to be rebuilt again
hey Thruthful ty!
**but as in sleeping with someone else , the first hurdle is the word 'someone else' --- leads to jealousy & questions like 'why it wasnt me with him/her
I agree..it's INSECURITY more than anything else.
wut Im trying to say is, if it was just once, and if u really LOVE ur partner, u should be able to get over it. It'll take time, but u will.
:)
Keshi.
ty Sach!
**commitment to me is being there...in every circumstances...good or bad
if thats the case shouldnt u also stick around during this BAD time? :)
Keshi.
ty Amit!
**People are too scared of what 'samaaj'(the fraternity) will say if they come to know of such 'affairs',and hence,such situations lead to blackmail,murders(That's the stuff Hindi serials are made of) and what not!
haha true! yes...alot of ppl r afraid of FACING the SOCIETY more than FACING the real issue at hand.
**I see nothing wrong in one nite stands and just purely physical sex being the sole aim in such a situation (*Whew!says Keshi..what a revelation!!LOL*)But,wait,wait-not on a personal level.
lol ok..lets say u met Aishwarya Rai or Bipasha Basu on a trip. She wanted to get physical with ya. wud u or wudnt u Amit? :):)
**I wouldn't go in for one, purely coz I can't imagine just physical attraction without any love or intimacy being a part of it.
lets say all of this clicked, cos it can happen with more than one woman Amit. So wud u?
**On a slightly funny note,think-what about affairs at nudist colonies??ROFL!!!(Put that up as a question next time-it should attract some interesting answers)
r there any special affairs there at all? cos every moment must be an affair right? LOL!
Keshi.
I agree LaVida, it'll hurt bad...but wud u forgive?
Keshi.
k Tarun :)
Keshi.
ty Anu!
** there must be something missing in the other relationship that is translating into meaningless sex . it can be Lack of communication or fulfillment .
yeah I agree. I think it can happen due to missing elements in the 'committed' r'ship.
**For me it would be break the relationship and of course land me in jail for murder
lol Anu! so ur committing a MISTAKE too now :)
Keshi.
hey ty Starry!
I agree...sex is both emotional AND physical. Atleast when its in a committed r'ship, it is both.
**A certain amount of trust is lost when one partner cheats and I think the emotional trauma and scarring never leaves you.
I agree. It may haunt for years to come.
Keshi.
ty Bev!
**Have you been reading my bio? LOL
yes! lol this story stemmed from ur bio and also mine ;-)
**Everything we do physically or mentally is directly connected to our emotions. How we react to our emotions is related to how we respond to a situation.
I agree! Hence the hurt and the guilt...
**The need to have sex with someone is filling both a physical and emotion need. I know many girls who have sex to fulfill an emotional need to be close to someone-if only for the moment or less
wow in that case I should be having sex every hour lol! Im so needy..emotionally. :(
Find me a consenting stranger Bev! LOL!
Keshi.
ty Sinner!
**I would feel bad and hurt...
But I think I'll still forgive.I think so and that would be on the same points, you mentioned.
How did I know u'd forgive! Wait, cos I know u wud. :) HUGS ur special!
yes..we can surprise ourselves for all we know!
Keshi.
Hmmm... Keshi... sure, they can be forgiveness once...
but with such acts of passion, would it be possible to prevent a second happening after the first one has been forgiven.
more over, the relationship would always be stained if not strained... and even though the 2 may forget it over normal times, it will only resurface as a monster when ever a major disagreement occurs between them...
what do you think?
am not going to answer your other question at this moment. but will answer it someday...
Have a nice day mate.. cheers...
ty Mu!
**I did it many times really.. always wanting to find love only sex I guess perhaps 29 times one eyear!
u mean u cheated that many times or u had sex that many times?
**In Asyl Centrum aslso boring obly sex for funs!
Sorry I didnt u'stand that....?
Keshi.
ty Hobo!
**When Head rules Heart we do mistake
shouldnt it be the other way around? :)
**i.e., why I say :
Listen to your heart only
but by listening to ur heart only, u may make alot of mistakes...
Keshi.
k Gunj tnxx!
Girish is trying to be so perfect lol!
Keshi.
every point can have a counterpoint...at the end of the day...u must realize wat is happiness for u...and act accordingly...
actually better to realize it at the beginning of the day so tht u can act accordingly...no fun knowing it in hindsight :P
as far as one night stands go...u can feel attracted enuf to someone and do it...heck u can do it just cause u want some action...but whether that is wat u want or is gonna make u happy or sad is something to each his own...
ty Vrij!
**I mean how can u say u are committed to someone and still cheat on him/her?
cos ur human :)
we r committed to many things, work, driving, taking care of kids etc etc. But if one accident while driving makes ppl judge u as a BAD driver and never forgive u, wud u like that Vrij?
**If someone isnt committed to anyone.. then he/she can go around fucking a gazillion ppl.. coz its their life.. but the moment ur committed, u r responsible for 2.
I wasnt talking abt fucking a million ppl Vrij. Both u and Iceman didnt u'stand that post properly.
This was abt a one-night-stand! And just ONCE.
**U might call me old fashioned or watever, but I would not take it lightly if my partner cheats on me.. and I dont expect her to do that either!
beware Expectations can blind u Vrij.
And dun forget to err is human, and to forgive is also part of ur so-called committment and love to her!
Keshi.
ty Southy!
**Its cheating, no ifs and buts(i already discussed some reasons on my blog
so u'll never make a mistake urself?
Keshi.
Southy...
** sometimes its purely physical and the emotions stay only on the bed and once u move out, its all gone. Been there, done that many times in the past, except the formal appreciation to each other's performance during the act neither of us ever went back to each other.
ok, so if it can be purely physical, why then in ur previous comment do u say u'll never forgive if it happens in ur r'ship?
Keshi.
ty SMM!
**Once or a 10 times - this would constitute an act of cheating my book. Anyway how would I know that if I forgave him for one act of indiscretion, it won't be repeated again?
the only way u wud know is by giving him a 2nd chance!
but if ur not ready to do that, u'll NEVER know.
Keshi.
I'd be too worried about getting cooties
ty Arv!
**but with such acts of passion, would it be possible to prevent a second happening after the first one has been forgiven.
how wud u know if u dun give that 2nd chance Arv?
Imagine a storm comes and wrecks ur roof. wud u leave the house altogether or rebuild the roof?
**more over, the relationship would always be stained if not strained... and even though the 2 may forget it over normal times, it will only resurface as a monster when ever a major disagreement occurs between them...
yes it will...if one/both r not willing to move on.
Keshi.
ty Girish!
**but whether that is wat u want or is gonna make u happy or sad is something to each his own...
I agree.
Keshi.
wut r cooties Phoso?
Keshi.
I say its cheating when i m in a committed relationship and i go and sleep with somebody.
And the second comment was also on my own experience when i was single , now when i had those numerous one night stands, it never followed the second day...some of those lovely ladies were committed themselves then, but they had no problems what so ever and like i said it used to be purely physical, even they never dragged the relation and just moved on...
Loev you :)
Keshi good POST. The only unbridled lust I remember is with that beatiful person who I cohabited with in the PNG jungle after our plane crashed..
ty Southy!
**I say its cheating when i m in a committed relationship and i go and sleep with somebody
even if it was just once?
wut if ur a committed soldier and u failed just once with ur enemy...u let him run away cos u cudnt get to him. Does this mean u'll NEVER be able to be a committed soldier again?
dun u believe in 2nd chances in life Southy?
Keshi.
Kaylz I luv ya too..did u get ur award? check the previous post.
Keshi.
hahaha ty Vesty!
dun forget u hv kids with her...LOL!
btw Im yet to email ya...will do it soon ok! sometime today or tmrw.
Keshi.
Cheating is cheating 1st time or 100th time..As far as giving a second chance in life is concerned, well nobody is perfect and pure in this world so everyone deserves a chance, but then i must remember that i was a cheater once and let me not make it a habit and misuse the chance i hv been given. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM TO ADMIT THAT I HAD BEEN A CHEATER IN THE PAST and m certainly not misusing my chances any further...
hi keshi..i think i also wil give him 2nd chance..:) its all love love love ;)
Trust is the sail of a beautiful relationship, whether what the partner committed is wrong or right, if the balanced trust is lost what well the pleasure in sail? Honestly it will feel sorrow, after committed in love more than engaged.
Yes i did thanks :)
ty Southy!
** then i must remember that i was a cheater once and let me not make it a habit and misuse the chance i hv been given.
its that SAME chance u once got that ur partner maybe asking for too!
Keshi.
As far as giving a second chance to my partner is concerned, she'll get that by default for being so considerate with a jerkoff like me...
aww Anits it seems like Im changing ur standards..lol sorry hun!
U do wut u like. I was only telling u wut I'd do :)
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
I already said she'll get it by default...infact a year and a half back on a similar topic on ur blog itself when u asked me how wud i feel if i know my wife's going ard with somebody...my answer remains the same today as well.
ty Jeevan!
but strong winds r bound to hit ur sails...beware! wut matters is if u survive em all :)
Keshi.
Good on ya Kaylz! :)
Keshi.
hey Southy :)
**she'll get that by default for being so considerate with a jerkoff like me...
why d u always put urself down? ur not a jerk!
Keshi.
Hey Keshi..
A very indepth post.
Read it earlier but could not get to commenting till now.
When we are committed, i guess it can only be brand as cheating and nothing else. no slides. since there is an expectation of the two that came together. Unless they are wild and out and are open in trying out other interesting out of the box stuff etc.
Its possible to have sex with a man and not have your emotions/heart get entangled with him . I guess it has to take two to clap to know its just an O.N.S and nothing else. OR a temporary sex buddy etc. But when it comes to sex that was especially designed for two committed people. There is always that unspoken knot that ties two souls together when they fulfill their sexual desires. Something that follows from what i know. since sex is more than just a game, pleasure, lust and etc no matter how we would like to conclude it as. A moment of its indulgence never fail to leave a mark.:)
If my partner cheats on me?
I would definitely be hurt and upset. But i would not hesitate to ask him what are we missing out that another booty call has to overcome. And if we can work it out. I will definitely take a chance. I don't think i would discard/delete him just because his penis took over for one night. But i definitely would see if there is a possiblity for me to still be happy, try to forgive and improve things on the blunder that have caused us.
All this is easier said than done until the real situation bites your ass for real.
Its definitely not gonna be an easy ride having someone play another for a night while you kept your desires just for one. You would just feel like deleting him out when its fresh and out. haha..
*smiles*
I m not putting myself down, i just remind myself on that always to keep me alarmed.
But its always worth a second touch..;)
*HUGZ*
(continuing from my last comment)
hey Amy ty!
A very mature take on this. Well done girl!
**But when it comes to sex that was especially designed for two committed people. There is always that unspoken knot that ties two souls together when they fulfill their sexual desires.
I agree. Somehow it connects u emotionally too.
**A moment of its indulgence never fail to leave a mark.:)
definitely!
**If my partner cheats on me?
I would definitely be hurt and upset. But i would not hesitate to ask him what are we missing out that another booty call has to overcome.
Good on ya Amy! Thats what I call a 'sensible' reaction is.
**And if we can work it out. I will definitely take a chance.
Exactlt wut I'd do too. 2nd chances in life r there to be given.
**I don't think i would discard/delete him just because his penis took over for one night.
hehe I know. Its only human. But I'd test him for STDs. lol!
**But i definitely would see if there is a possiblity for me to still be happy, try to forgive and improve things on the blunder that have caused us.
WOW nice one girl! I wish more ppl thought like u did. Really!
I'd kick, scratch, slap, hit, burn his clothes, throw him stuff outta the house, lock his penis etc etc...but I know if I love him enough and truly, I'd be able to give him that 2nd chance. But nah there r no 3rd chances!
Keshi.
And yes Amy and I'd bite him too..being the bitch that I am. LOL!
2nd chance is what im talking abt too. Well done girl!
Keshi.
Then i m sure keshi girl u r influenced by Barney and Stony as Ted... hehe.. or may be u played Lilly, who got extra sex addicted in the 3rd season!! :P
hehe...
i m just waiting for the 4th season, and i think the last look of Barney to Robin will make him fall for her.. Shucks.. he was the best wingman! :D
hehe
and i thought u were talking abt Stella n Ted that how after 5 yrs she was dyin to take him!! lolzzzz
and in the end it was abt Robin and Barney's one night stand... As per Bro Code, a bro cant make love with another bro's Ex!! :P
hehe
i think i m too much into it... coz i love it too!! :D
Cheers!!
u def r too much into it than I am Ankur lol!
**Then i m sure keshi girl u r influenced by Barney and Stony as Ted... hehe.. or may be u played Lilly, who got extra sex addicted in the 3rd season
And wut makes u think Im influenced by them or this post is abt sex addiction?
Keshi.
lock his penis etc etc...****Phew...thank God my partner's quit the blogger for good coz thats one very wicked idea...:P
Southy ur wife wudnt do that to u anyways, cos u said u dun cheat anymore now that ur committed, right?
:)
Keshi.
arre... i was kiddin re... dont get serious!! :P
when i m in funny mood i surely screw things!! :P
i was just makin up things, to think of How i met ur mother!! !:D
ehehe
**Many ppl do that because they loathe themselves
---yes they do. The choice of a partner does depend upon the state of mind and upon the self respect. I have known people who take pleasure in seeing themselves sink down and down, they have a hatred for their very own existence.
--- **If one indulges in a passionate sex with someone he/she doesnot know, I assume they do fall in love and to believe that similar conduct is not repeated is something very difficult to abide by
Here my reference was to the passionate sex, that takes one to transcendental pleasure. This type of sex cannot take place without love. The love does not always need itself to be elaborated and blatant. How can one have blissful sex without a tints of love. I didn't mean one falls in love with whoever he/she has sex with.
u better be kidding Ankur!
lolz!
but I like Barney...dun ask me why!
Keshi.
1st lemme say dat i luvd arjuns & stonys answers.
so..over 2 mine...err...i somehow find it so damn diffclt 2 even imagine me bein n a marraige.m not very sure if u can ever possess a person completely ..mayb 4 a few minutes as n sex , or a part of de person as n a marraige..where u sorta own de other persons body , but his/her mnd & soul? well...i donno hw long de fairytales last. wonder hw on earth any1 is goin 2 convince me 2 get marraied to him.phew!
.okay lets talk hypoethically...
i wld luv 2 talk abt dis situation even before i get into a commitment. nw suppose ,m aware dat for dis man sex is only a thng , i guess i wldn surely mind him sleepin wit anoter. but here again i don c hw i m gonna fall 4 him n de 1st place.
second situation, if he pledges dat he is mine & all dos usual romantic stuff...& den do this even 4 once..it wld belittle him n my eyes..coz he gave promises dat he din intend 2 keep, not 2 forget dat i din ask 4 it n de 1st plACE.to c him so
wld hurt me toh not too painful.
watever he do , gud 4 him...anyweys , 4 me sex can never be anythn purely physical , it is not a biological need , but an emotional 1 dat expresses itself thru de physical. but i accept dat der cld b ppl wit diff views , der also exists a possibility toh slight of me fallin n luv wit som1 so...if dat can happen , den surely forgivin iant too difficlt , but talkin of trustin him again ...m not so sure, mayb dat too can happen , but more diffclt.
oh my! ...too long huh!
ty Restless!
yeah there r some ppl who do that just cos they hate themselves..I agree there.
**How can one have blissful sex without a tints of love
I hv never had that kinda experience, but I know ppl who hv...ppl who hv sex just for pleasure, with no love or committment.
No strings attached u see..only the G-strings attached lol!
Keshi.
Why???
:P
and i was kiddin dumbo!!! :P
actually waiting eagerly for the 4th season...
u know my fav includes
Prison Break :- 4th season yet to come
The big bang theory :- 2nd season waiting
How i met your mother :- 4th season waiting
Heroes : - 3rd season awaited!! :P
hehe... so u c... i m too much into it!!
but y barney, and y not Ted!! :P
hehe
Yeah i hope to stay that way always...:)
But that idea's damn good u know...better copyright it urgently...:D
ty Enchanted!
**1st lemme say dat i luvd arjuns & stonys answers.
yeah they both gave very powerful and deep opp ends of views. Loved em!
**so..over 2 mine...err...i somehow find it so damn diffclt 2 even imagine me bein n a marraige.
girl ur so like me. LOL Im marriage-allergic!
**m not very sure if u can ever possess a person completely ..mayb 4 a few minutes as n sex , or a part of de person as n a marraige..
so true! Well-said. We r nailing and bolting ppl to suit our own needs, and locking em up in r'ships.
**where u sorta own de other persons body , but his/her mnd & soul?
so true! The soul is a free thing...it can wander w.o. ur permission.
**well...i donno hw long de fairytales last. wonder hw on earth any1 is goin 2 convince me 2 get marraied to him.phew!
lolz I cant believe how very SIMILAR our thoughts r!
When my sis and mum talk abt Marriage and how beautiful it is, and how imp it is for a girl to be married etc etc I just wanna puke. They'll never u'stand me!!
*nw suppose ,m aware dat for dis man sex is only a thng , i guess i wldn surely mind him sleepin wit anoter. but here again i don c hw i m gonna fall 4 him n de 1st place.
haha good one!
**second situation, if he pledges dat he is mine & all dos usual romantic stuff...& den do this even 4 once..it wld belittle him n my eyes..coz he gave promises dat he din intend 2 keep, not 2 forget dat i din ask 4 it n de 1st plACE.to c him so
right!
**wld hurt me toh not too painful.
watever he do , gud 4 him...anyweys , 4 me sex can never be anythn purely physical , it is not a biological need , but an emotional 1 dat expresses itself thru de physical.
yes I agree. In that case I hv alot of EMOTIONAL needs to meet lol!
** but talkin of trustin him again ...m not so sure, mayb dat too can happen , but more diffclt.
oh my! ...too long huh!
I agree..u never know wut u wud do until ur in a similar situation.
Good one girl and tnxx! HUGS!
Keshi.
hey Ankur lol!
**The big bang theory :- 2nd season waiting
wut r they banging? haha!
*Ted
I like him but he's not stable u see...mentally he's all over. Atleast Barney is STABLE with his sex hahaha!
Keshi.
haha Southy why d u like that thought so much? Is it kinky? :)
Keshi.
duno...i dont think I'd be able to take it.
Everyone plz read Stony's comment. I loved it!
Keshi.
k Ash tnxx!
at first u may not be able to take it..but hang in there to test ur possibilities and capabilities...
Keshi.
hugs keshi ,aint it luvly 2 find som1 wh shares ur views? yeah..my comments on marraige too makes ppl treat me lik an alien. he he..dey used 2 b de same n my eyes too..but den i nw understand dem too..dat doesn mean v can change ourselves...
aww ty Enchanted!
Im not for/against Marriage. Just that Im not upto it. mebbe I hv a genetic allergy to it? lol!
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
lol! sam here keshi..v suffer 4m de sam defect i guess..he he.
hey ,i luv ll de qsts u raise here,v need 2 thnk abt it ..
Nopes thinking abt it while doing it with ur partners is cheating..otherwise fantasize it in ur free time..that's why god has given the hand and its palm flexibility :P
hehe Enchanted we may be long lost sisters?
Yeah..many ppl r tied to 'old-school' thinking ya know..so I raise some qns that need to be asked and pondered upon. :) tnxx hun!
Keshi.
hey Bro!
**Nopes thinking abt it while doing it with ur partners is cheating
and u wud never know if she's thinking or not right?
Keshi.
one thing i must admit; there are girls/women commenting on ur blogs who will make a great wife but saying one thing and showcasing the same thing in action does not usually happen. Before one can think anything sensible and logical he/she is devastated though it depends upon his/her own honesty in the committment.
ty Restless!
**but saying one thing and showcasing the same thing in action does not usually happen. Before one can think anything sensible and logical he/she is devastated though it depends upon his/her own honesty in the committment.
I agree, totally! Its easier SAID than DONE.
But in my MY heart, I know that if/when I love a guy, it'll be for real..it'll be cos I see something really special abt him and not just cos I wanna hv a partner.
So if he goes and breaks my trust just once, I know it'll hurt me bad, but I also know that I loved him before for many more reasons...so I'll forgive and give him a 2nd chance.
:)
And Im not speaking on behalf of all women here tho.
Keshi.
even if its not betrayal .. it hurts.. I have been hurt, hurt very badly so I know :)
But I did forgive, but there is a lack of complete trust after that though, no matter how hard you try :)
lol Keshi
even i haven't had any kind of experience. Unluckily ur fren here is a virgin..he says these from books or from the experiences shared by his frens. I feel so unfortunate...in 27 years of life, i haven't experienced it
Perfect?
No way! lol.. i am imperfection personified! :D
yes.. i have seen many of those boobs on business trips... doesnt mean that i can sleep around with them!
ty Deepti!
I can u'stand....it's like a drop of poison that falls into the milk.
Its not gonna be the same, ur right.
Keshi.
ty Restless!
hey Im glad to see a 'lol' from u :) cos it seems Im the only one giggling heavily over here haha! *HUGZ*
** Unluckily ur fren here is a virgin..he says these from books or from the experiences shared by his frens. I feel so unfortunate...in 27 years of life, i haven't experienced it
hey dun be sad. Experience doesnt always give u more points. Some ppl who never experienced something can u'stand things better. Rem that.
Keshi.
On a lighter note, why dun u go out, find a nice girl to hang out with Restless? :)
Keshi.
Iceman this post wasnt abt SLEEPING AROUND! :(
Keshi.
I don't know what's true Love..but if any person is in Love he/she will always forgive her/his!!
In fact that person even doesn't judge his/her partner!!
Love is Love not Judgment!!
Hey Keshi...very interesting post...
The thing is - this situation isn't about the sex. It's about the ACT of what has been done. To the other people in the relationship, this would be the ultimate betrayal to have their partners do that to them.
First things first - they are in a committed relationhsip - which for me would mean total trust and faith on every level - physically and emotionally. Sex to a lot of people means that they invest so much of themselves within that act. To engage in what theese people believe is a purely physical relationhsip without the emtional baggage is wrong to justify. You know the saying - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction - meaning ALL our actions have consequences - good or bad.
So yes, I'd consider this cheating, despite it being purely physical. Because when it comes to sex - it never is JUST physical and especially not if you are in a relationhsip already.
Trust is like a piece of string between you and your partner - fragile, delicate, yet surprisingly strong. If it breaks, you may be able to fix it by tying a knot, but that knot will always be there - the string will never be whole and smooth again. that act of betrayal will always be there between you.
But let's think of it this another way - we need more information on WHY they are taking this step. They may be in committed relationships, but maybe they are not happy. Perhaps the partner is available to them - physically and emotionally and both are trying to recapture that connection. I don't know. 2 sides to every story.
If they weren't in a relationship at all - I wouldn't believe what they have done is wrong. They acted on their feelings and left it at that. Doesn't mean they are cheap or easy. It'll be an experience they will remember forever. And even if they don't - that's their call. Sex CAN be purely physical and while it might seem hypocritical to say that once in a relationship the same rules don't apply - it's because it's not just about YOU then - it's about your partner as well.
My 2 cents :P
ty DreamCatcher!
Love doesnt ALWAYS forgive...sometimes u hv to let go too.
Keshi.
Silvara tnxx!
I love ur comment on this. So mature and broad-minded.
**Trust is like a piece of string between you and your partner - fragile, delicate, yet surprisingly strong. If it breaks, you may be able to fix it by tying a knot, but that knot will always be there - the string will never be whole and smooth again. that act of betrayal will always be there between you.
Beautifully put!
yes u may be able to forgive and work things out. But rebuilding that TRUST mite take a very long time. Unfortunately thats human nature.
But the fact that ur willing to talk things over and perhaps give him a 2nd chance is a good thing. Cos not many saw it that way.
*HUGZ* rock on!
Keshi.
Hmmm.. hun, it depends you know... if my partner does that.. I would give her the chance to explain and yes I would forgive if she realises that she had wronged and tat she had not intended to cheat on me... the least I would expect is for her to convince me...
but if she acts insensitive and tries to play it down like 'oh, stuff like this happen would once'; I would walk out...
oh keshi.. tell me something, yes we are the forgiving type... yes, we may even forget certain things, but is this something that we would forget, you and me, I just dont think so....
I agree Arv. Acceptance is imp.
Btw nothing is forgettable Arv...tell me something u CAN forget?
Keshi.
Very true...we do make mistake ..definitely more than once...but repeating the same mistake is not acceptable!
babes for me it would mean, if he can do it once nothing will stop him from doing it again.
if she do it in her business trip... how m gonna kno...???
trust is everything and wen we r talking abt betrayel..it is breaking of that trust..if she is thinking while doing with me...then she is betraying...
though condition applies..that she can do it if I have a smaller dick-tionary than the other guy and she is not getting the proper word.. from me :P then it's saving the marraige :P
lol..
I will kill her aneways :P
Second chances are fine dear,and when we truly love someone we end up giving them that.But once the respect is gone for one's partner,that is hard to come back,even though the love remains.
I said losers because they should know better than to control their urges!
quite true! i feel somethings are hard to be forgiven!! this being one of them!! ;-))
I dont think I can forgive. It will just kill something in me, to see someone you love with all your heart give in fckn lust !!
I am fanatically possesive when it comes to my partner. I cant stand a single brush of skin of another woman on his, how can I take him sleeping with someone ?!! That will break my power to trust, which perhaps will never rebuild again.
Also, the moment one is saying you should forgive and move on, isnt he/she also implying that you must also be forgiven, if you happen to do smth like that ? Kinda like creating a buffer zone.
Its ridiculous. And like Sammy said, he/she is big time loser !
i forgive...who said i dont forgive...but wen heart breaks into 2 then its better that i die then to forgive someone...in any case...its me diying not the person who betrayed me...i wont even say a word...
anyways i am bad as u said..i sometimes lie and i feeel aa lot guilty..and i dont drink or smomke so thats out of question and...i dont have a gf to have any affairs and happy abt it..
urs..hemu..
@ Non-forgivers
What is better - one-time-adultery not known to us or one-time-adultery confessed to us?
Our "books" have given clean chits to fantasizing, net-flirting, dating but not to a one-time-mistake by the partner. Why do we write only what look "nothing immoral" to us?
Ever guessed what percentage of men and women have committed one-time-adultery? Are we really fortunate to have a completely faithful partner or is it a wishful thinking...
Or, as keshi put it, are we afraid of FACING the SOCIETY more than FACING the real issue at hand?
Or, is our ego more important than the relationship?
Are you absolutely sure, you would never ever in your life time give in to pleasant attractions that may come your way?
Why would you desert a loving partner if he/ she confesses this one-time-sex or if you happen to find it out?
Not trying to encourage adultery. Only forgiveness.
let's see...there's a clear theme of "feeling betrayed" in such a situation here amongst these gazillion comments.
what is betrayal? loss of trust maybe and whats that, trust? faith, confidence, surety...therefore security?
so lets face it..when you're in a committed relationship and your partner decides to have one night of passion with someone else..he/she just shattered your sense of security..
why does that make us unforgiving? remember when you were 5, and you hated sharing something that you truly loved..a favourite toy maybe ..if someone took it, you would want to break that other kid (well not literally..maybe break his/her toy or take it away)..
so..being human as we all are..we HATE sharing..in this case our partner...i mean, forget abt who they were with in the past..at present, at that moment..that person is part of you and you get to keep him/her (in a relationship sense..not trying to objectify anyone here)..therefore..no. 1 you want to break that other person who got to share what was yours..what you truly loved..
now, we know we've established a certain level (be it sex or whatever form of communication) with our partner..and now to have someone else possibly top that level or take it on another parallel is just one big punch to the ego..right? i mean this is a competitive world...but to bring that to a relationship is just pissing off...and what ends up happening? that partner leaves both of you...you and your competitor..wow that felt good huh? not.
so no.2 you hate someone being better at something you thought you would have control over for as long as you were part of it (so you want to break them more painfully..apparently this is a way of manifesting your broken feelings onto someone else physically coz mind games just don't work sometimes)..
now that was a total thesis on exactly what you're feeling when this stuff happens to you and 99% of the time your reaction is..revenge...doing the same thing with someone else hoping it will hurt them as much as it hurt you..
so solutions are ample...you could end it, you forgive him/her and hope that guilt will make them repent and that will be punishment enough, you retaliate and not really get anything out of it (literally.. coz you'll end up losing him/her for sure)..or you figure it IS physical and hopefully it hasn't affected what you feel for each other..but lets face it..humans know what's practical/sensible but always put that away in a box and do what comes to mind...BREAK THAT PERSON. and maybe your partner too.
i rest my case.
let's see...there's a clear theme of "feeling betrayed" in such a situation here amongst these gazillion comments.
what is betrayal? loss of trust maybe and whats that, trust? faith, confidence, surety...therefore security?
so lets face it..when you're in a committed relationship and your partner decides to have one night of passion with someone else..he/she just shattered your sense of security..
why does that make us unforgiving? remember when you were 5, and you hated sharing something that you truly loved..a favourite toy maybe ..if someone took it, you would want to break that other kid (well not literally..maybe break his/her toy or take it away)..
so..being human as we all are..we HATE sharing..in this case our partner...i mean, forget abt who they were with in the past..at present, at that moment..that person is part of you and you get to keep him/her (in a relationship sense..not trying to objectify anyone here)..therefore..no. 1 you want to break that other person who got to share what was yours..what you truly loved..
now, we know we've established a certain level (be it sex or whatever form of communication) with our partner..and now to have someone else possibly top that level or take it on another parallel is just one big punch to the ego..right? i mean this is a competitive world...but to bring that to a relationship is just pissing off...and what ends up happening? that partner leaves both of you...you and your competitor..wow that felt good huh? not.
so no.2 you hate someone being better at something you thought you would have control over for as long as you were part of it (so you want to break them more painfully..apparently this is a way of manifesting your broken feelings onto someone else physically coz mind games just don't work sometimes)..
now that was a total thesis on exactly what you're feeling when this stuff happens to you and 99% of the time your reaction is..revenge...doing the same thing with someone else hoping it will hurt them as much as it hurt you..
so solutions are ample...you could end it, you forgive him/her and hope that guilt will make them repent and that will be punishment enough, you retaliate and not really get anything out of it (literally.. coz you'll end up losing him/her for sure)..or you figure it IS physical and hopefully it hasn't affected what you feel for each other..but lets face it..humans know what's practical/sensible but always put that away in a box and do what comes to mind...BREAK THAT PERSON. and maybe your partner too.
i rest my case.
Trust is like glass once broken can never be joined back. I will never indulge in it nor will I fogive if my partner indulge in it.
***ppl get married to new ones.
Yah, I accept that. But, does that mean they really love the newly married one?
At a time, I don't know whether one can really love more than one. Of course, love is different, towards parents its different, towards brother its different, but towards lover?
Can any one really love two different lovers at the same time?
I don't think so, then that might not be love.
hmmm...i'm still a *insert v-word here* so i don't think i'm qualified to answer this one.
but yea, i think i would consider it as cheating
ok apart from my thoroughly cold and honest opinion :)..just wanna say..
we're all human and we 'll go through the emotional ride and ultimately find a way to deal with it..
there's still hope..
:D
cheers!
p.s. there's no such thing as "just physical" how much ever you hypothesise about it..that pleasure you got out of it..that "passion"..it was all emotional..
come on now, let that light above your head flicker on finally :D
peace!
I cant forgive my partner…Am not bothered about the past..But once committed I wont be comfortable of the thought that she had to satisfy her sexual needs by someone else…Because having sex is much more than physical relationship..Its about mental compatibility.. one night stands are not for committed ones, I guess..!!
The scenario you had mentioned is an extreme case of cheating..!!
If I was in the guys boots, I would have not gone for that…Maybe I would have opted for a steamy talk with my girl..!! (read it from my experience..!!)
If that was my partner, definitely I wouldn’t have been happy…But wont leave her..!! If she really want to come back to me..!! (But Am sure, she wont think about such things when am there for her always..!!)
I think am still not that forward related to sex with multiple partners..!! And I prefer to stay like that only..If not, what do you mean by commitment,,,..?
:)
Well, whtever it is...i wud never forgive my guy if he does such a thing. I dont believe in one night stands, and for me having an affair with somebody else and havin a one night stand r one and the same thing. I believe of someone can do such a thing once, whts the guarantee tht he will not do it again!? And the rules r the same for both of us. Its not expected from me as well. I don't believe in sex for only physical gratification. Coz for me sex is the best way to express love. No love means i cant hav sex with tht person.
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