My Special Spot

There's a special spot in my life that's not easy to be described in simple words. I wander off to this spot everyday for great many reasons: To engrave my thoughts in the solid walls of that spot so that my deepest emotions have a voice and remain etched there to remind me of how I change over time. To talk to many others who are sitting at my spot waiting for me, and to know that I'm being heard and appreciated for who I am. To share knowledge among some very voracious and smart acquaintances that feed me with their deepest intellect that I can't even buy in real life. To reach out to someone who may be waiting at my spot at a time of need and for some comfort from me. To bring out the best of creativity and pent-up emotions for which this spot becomes an open door. To believe in humanity when all hope is lost. To realise that I don't have to pack my bags and board a plane to experience true friendship. To vent out my anger, frustrations and dilemmas of daily life in a healthy manner. To be able to communicate in a way that makes me a better-informed citizen of the world who learns to appreciate great many cultures and personalities. To realise that information is the key to knowledge and that knowledge is the power in all of us. To build a network of special spots connecting from my spot that has now become the lobby of sheer knowledge and growth in my life. This spot may mean nothing to you but it's the whole world to me because it contains my most precious thoughts and it is the only pathway to many other special spots around the globe. And that spot is BlogSpot and it's my virtual home. You can't put me out of my home...you can't take away my keys and lock it for good...you can't steal my right to live in my own home...you can't destroy my right to freedom, knowledge and growth. Let me in, I want my home and my rights back. And this time it's you who's breaking the law.

My dear fellow-Indian bloggers, you are free to continue this Spot-post in your blogs with adding more great 'reasons' for wanting back that special spot in your life. Let's do it until we are heard and our own right to knowledge is granted back to us. Ishi you may use this post for anything that requires it to get back your right. Good luck folks!

Current Music: Breaking The Law by Judas Priest

Fetishes Of You

Yep you guessed it right, Keshi is on a Fetish-tracking mission today, so get ready my fellow-earthlings. Sexual fetishism was first described by Alfred Binet as though the concept and the activity is quite ancient, is a form of paraphilia (sexual arousal) where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object or part of a person's body. The term arose from fetishism, the general concept of an object having supernatural powers, or an object created by humans that has power over other humans. Sigmund Freud hypothesized that human sexuality may similarly be tied to conditioning (learning), and this may explain the phenomenon of sexual fetishism. Common fetishes include fetishes focused on shoes, boots, hair and haircuts, gloves, wigs, body piercing, underclothing, diapers, or other garments made out of specific materials such as rubber, fur, spandex, leather, or nylon - did I hear diapers?

The term 'fetish' first came to my ears when one of my friends stated that her boyfriend has a foot-fetish. I was thinking maybe he was a Podiatrist or something like that, but I was tragically wrong. It meant that he has a strong connection with women's feet and gets aroused by them. Imagine a dried, stinky pair of feet walking past him...wonder what will happen to his foot-fetish then. Anyways, that's when I found out that people really get sexually aroused by specific body parts/objetcs/smells/substances etc etc.


It's not a crime or a problem to feel that way and it aint something to be ashamed of - apparently it's natural brain stimuli linked with certain experiences even. However fetishistic arousal is generally considered to be a problem only when it interferes with normal sexual or social functioning (imagine my friend's boyfriend falling down on his knees and licking his female colleague's feet -now that's trouble). Sometimes the term 'fetishism' is used only for those cases where non-fetishist sexual arousal is impossible. So there you go...it's very much connected to some external stimulus.

The question: Do you have any fetishes, if so what are they? In simple words, what uniquely turns you on? Let me know and I will explain it a little bit further for you but only if it's listed in the Fetish article I read (Saby's fetishes I won't be able to find on this Earth but I'll try, ok Saby?). I will list mine at the end ;-).

Now to some very disappointing news...the Indian govt has managed to persuade some ISPs in India to block Blogger altogether. Because of this, some of my Indian blogger friends are not able to view any blogs at all. Isn't this the height of stupidity demonstrated by the Indian govt? I hope all Indian bloggers will fight and win back their well-deserved right to information. Till then, I'll be missing you my dear Indian blogmates!

Current Music: Push It by Salt N' Pepa

It Feels So Good....

Guys I'm sitting at home today bummer! Yeah on a Saturday that's really not me. But it's raining kangaroos, bloody cold, gloomy beyond pathetic and mega miserable weather over here in Sydney...I hate driving around in the rain and I'm missing my weekend stroll in the mall or sniffing up some 'caffein' with a friend ;-) But I still feel really good - why? Cos here I am blogging and seeing all of you beauties and connecting to major cities in the world within a mouse-click. How about that for a rare weekend treat ha? Yeah your love it feels so good baby! This is one of my favourite songs ever, and it's dedicated to each one of you who's love I feel across the miles everyday, so enjoy! It Feels So Good by Sonique. Keshi waves at you all the way from Sydney ;-)

Sonique Lyrics

Sonique Music Video Codes

Lyrics:

You always make me smile
When I'm feeling down
You give me such a vibe
It's totally bonafide
It's not the way you walk
And it ain't the way you talk
It ain't the job you got
That keeps me satisfied

Your love, it feels so good
And that's what takes me high
Higher than before
Your love, it keeps me alive
Thought I should let you know
That your touching means so much
When I'm alone at night
It's you I'm always thinkin' of
Oh, oh baby Oh,

To understand
How I feel, deep inside
Oh oh, you make me feel
All I need to feel
Yes, in my heart

Your love, it feels so good
And that's what takes me high
Higher than before
Your love, it keeps me alive
Thought I should let you know
That your touching means so much
When I'm alone at night
It's you I'm always thinkin' of
Oh, oh baby...

The Desolate 'Tomorrow'

NOTE:This post was written ages ago but I didnt feel like publishing it for some strange reason. I did publish it once and then quickly deleted it. I think today is the appropriate day to publish it - don't ask me why. So here it goes.

Yes we all know that...Tomorrow is only a term we use for the Today we thought of Yesterday. So, Tomorrow never really comes. Then what happens Today? We think so much about Tomorrow and waste the Tomorrow we thought of Yesterday, which is Today.

Ok enough of me mucking around with your sanity :) What if Tomorrow I stop blogging altogether and cut all connections with the net for good? No emails and no nothing. For some it may mean nothing...just the end of a net Id called Keshi. But the few who loved me for who I am, would surely miss me, I know that. This kind of goodbye sounds harsh, but you never know, it can happen, be it through my own will or not. But please understand that if it happens, that it's not cos I want to hurt you all intentionally or not cos I don't consider you all to be good friends...but it could be cos I just wanted to end all net activities, just like that. Maybe cos I wanted to be free of too many heartbreaks. Maybe I just wanted some peace of a different kind. Or maybe I just died. No matter what, Janice has always been on my mind. Everyone is unique and no one else can fill the emptiness left after Janice, that lurks around for so long. Unfortunately no one could help me with finding her since my last post about her. I even contacted the Mulund area personnel, but even they couldnt help me. So either Janice was not using her real name on the net or she is just untraceable. How has that affected me? Well, can anyone undo a bond once it's formed? I can't. Once you get to know someone and once that someone has touched your heart in a very special way, you just can't undo the bond, can you? The bond may have a set number of days of life, but the emotions and memories it leaves you with will never expire. Sometimes I feel scared for her...sometimes I feel what if she's alive and didn't want to contact us anymore? Is that fair on us or is that something wrong to do? But I don't blame her...if she's alive, she may be having her own reasons that need not be explained to some net girl called Keshi that she met long time ago. Well the point is do I even have the right to know - maybe not. Agree guys? Well I'm trying hard to make up my mind about Janice. Sometimes I wish I was not this ultra-sensitive...it's really irritating you know. I wish I could just go on with life like most people do...you know, have a heart of rock-solid matter.

So if I'm not here Tomorrow with no trace whatsoever, please don't feel angry at me. Please don't feel scared for me. Please don't ask for an explanation. Please don't try to find me. Live and enjoy Today, and be glad you did so Yesterday. Please don't worry about the Tomorrow that never comes anyways! It's like reading a book...it has a set number of pages...once all pages are read, there's none new left to read...you only have the pages that you read before. Life and every other phase in life (be it blogging, acquaintances, good health, happy times etc) is like that too. Nothing is forever so don't long for foreverness. Every bond in this world has a set number of days...and Yesterday's memories and Today are all we've ever got to share with one another, so cherish now. Be happy with what was Yesterday and what's here Today, so don't push me away...don't discard the time I have with you now...don't mock the friendship I have for you...don't cry about what I couldn't deliver...don't forget the Yesterday I had with you and don't throw away the Today you have with me...don't long for perfection of bonds either but live in the moment, for Tomorrow I/you/we may not be here at all.

~~Yesterday,

All my troubles seemed so far away...

Now it looks as though they're here to stay,

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

-Yesterday by Beatles

Current Music: Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely by Backstreet Boys

Peace For Peace

I want all my friends in Mumbai to confirm their SAFETY. Please leave a comment here saying you're OK. Uttsy I rang you but it went to your voicemail. I really hope all of you are ok!

I felt so much fear and anguish as I read the news about the Mumbai blasts cos I have many friends there. I couldn't think straight for a minute 'cos I can never understand the motive behind inflicting pain upon another in this very violent manner. Tuesday's Mumbai Blasts only proved even more that terrorism is just a waste of energy, time and lives. This is the exact thing that has been happening in Sri Lanka for the past 20+ years bewteen the LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam) and the SL Govt - a raging war between the Tamils and the Sinhalese that killed thousands over the years including few who were very close to my heart. The LTTE uses women and children in their suicide squads. Some suicide warriors of the world believe they get frikkin virgins in Heaven when they die this way (how can you even get to know a virgin with a heavily blasted p#nis)?? How utterly dumb is that! 20+ years and no peace yet for SL but we see only more and more senseless deaths. This only proves that from terror we can never achieve security. From violence we can never achieve peace. From foolishness we can never achieve wisdom. So what are these terrorists really trying to do? How cranium-deprived are these terrorists to really think that all those who died last night (and many other innocents in history) can bring them peace? Do they know what peace really is? If they knew it would they be using terror to achieve it? Why can't people who want freedom/peace so much, think like Gandhi or Mandela and act peacefully for peace? Corrupt governmets may be frustrating but terror IS CERTAINLY NOT THE WAY!

Those who are dead will never come back to see if their untimely deaths served any purpose at all. Those who use terror as a means for achieveing peace will never get it either. Peace is the only way to Peace and until we realise that, no one is going to have real peace. What is Peace to you?

Current Music: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Lethal Crush

Ishita this is dedicated especially to you and to all the girls here! I'm playing taggy cos I was tagged by Burfsters ages ago and couldn't really do it cos of Blogger's sudden PMS tantrums. Somehow Blogger is behaving well with images today, so I could attach many of them - hence the T-Tag straight away mate! The tag goes like this - post 5 pics along with some explanations for them. So here comes THE eye-candy:


Beckham in play mode:


Beckham in serious mode:


Beckham in killer mode:


Beckham in dream mode:




Kitten from Down Under heavily smitten and cruelly bitten by the Beckham bug and hoping never to be cured, uh oh!

Current Music: Smooth Operator by Sade

Passion Unlimited

Weekend is still on my mind, especially cos I spotted this hunk at the mall and couldn't get my eyes off him for quite a while. A few minutes of a drooling-session was happening when my tongue suddenly became one of longer-than-usual-human-tongues that reached him in a hurry across the barriers as he looked at me too - I so hope that no one noticed my facial expressions then cos I just froze right there and felt like I was in Antarctica ( I was expecting to be melted cos he was HOT but instead I froze - don't ask me why). Yeah maybe I was just being silly - after all he was just passing by and he didn't look like daddy-material to my would-be kids anyways. Cos he was 'playboyish' - yes that's the word. What was I thinking of, buying a Playgirl franchise with him someday or something, silly Keshi! But that got me thinking about X-rated movies..lol yes, I don't know why but he just got me thinking about those movies too. In other words he was a big session of lethal naughty on legs ;-) Oh enough of the description now, sorry guys Im going around in circles here! I already feel like I came out of an X-rated movie, holding his hand btw.

Usually you feel passionate towards someone you've known for a long time and towards someone you've dated/married to ofcourse. But can 2mins of just looking at someone (without even knowing him/her or touching) make one feel so much passion for the lookee? I hardly feel that way about people but when I do feel it, it's divine and it's hard to explain it in simple words. No it's not just lust, but it's much more than that - at a deeper lever of emotions as well and from both sides. If it's just lust, then hell it happens all the time and you don't feel that instant connection with the other person - just physical attraction only and it dies pretty soon. This is something more than that...like you know this person well and that there's some really strange, deep and beautiful connection of the body and the soul with the other person's body and soul. Like you know what she/he's trying to say and she/he knows what you're trying to say. He was good-looking but not drop-dead gorgous either...though he was hot he also had that innocence about him that got me totally floored. And he wouldn't stop giving me that 'I so know what you mean baby' look hehe...it was some very strange but very familiar feeling. I don't know what it is and I don't know how else to explain it but all I can say right now is that I need a mighty fireplace to melt me back to my original self. Yeah his look got me frozen for atleast another 6months. Have you felt this way at all towards a stranger without knowing them at all? Tell me about it...has instant passion ever left you spellbound?

Current Music: I'll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men

Jobology

Happy Friday is here and it's fun-quiz time babehs! So here it is: If you could choose a job other than what you are working(worked) as right now/studying to be, then:

1.What would you love to be working as and why?
2.Also what is the one job that you can never see yourself doing and why?
3.What would be the most unfit occupation for you (even though you may prefer to do it)?

Here are my anwers:

1.Right now I'm an IT Consultant. If I did anything else at all, I'd have loved being a Kindy Teacher. Why, Cos I simply adore kids, I feel the happiest when I'm with them and most kids get drawn to me quite quickly. I can make any crying kid smile and I always get compliments from people about my ease with kids. One more thing - trust me you can learn ALOT from kids. All my cousins/friends who have kids know about this natural talent in me and send their kids to my place often - not cos they can't lookafter them, but apparently the kids always ask if they can visit Keshi...isnt that cute!

2.If there's any job that I can't see myself doing at all, then it has to be an Executioner's job. Yes I can do any other job in the world given the need arises but not this one, no ways! I'm sorry if any executioner is reading my blog right now hehe, but I just can't imagine waking up and thinking 'hmm what's my agenda for today..oh yeah I gotta hang that guy at 7am and then have lunch later on and collect my pay for the deed'. How can anyone go home with all of that at the end of a working day?? It's so very hard to even begin to understand that kinda job!

3.The most unfit (but have a desire for) occupation for me would be of a Nun, lol! I mean with all my impatience, love for rich food, rock music, halter-necks, sexy shoes and with a Phd in Flirting and that hyper blood running through my veins, I can never be a nun - I can't imagine myself all covered anyways! When I was little, once I told my mum that I wanted to be a nun and she told me that the Convent might turn into a rock concert then (imagine nuns in their long gowns rocking to 'Sweet Child O Mine'?). But I always wanted to feel that peace, grace and the immense love those nuns portrayed. I always wondered what it would be like to be one of them, away from the madding crowd. But now I realise my mum was right. I'm not Nun material at all - not for more than a day maybe and that too only if Adam Garcia was a priest nearby ;-). My sincere apologies to any nuns who might be reading this - you see, now arent you glad I'm nowhere near you?

After all, a job should be something you enjoy doing and feel proud of, not only something that you're good at. So what about youse? Don't forget to have a safe and rocking weekend guys!

Current Music:Can't Fight The Moonlight by LeAnn Rhimes (chose this purely cos of my sudden craving for Adam Garcia and of the pole-dancing ofcourse ;-))

I Do I Do I Do...

Do you? :) Well some friends found the last post too depressing so here's something to make you all smile, especially for Uttara. I always think about marriage vows taken at weddings, the words, the meaning behind them and whether people can really live up to the promises made on their wedding day. Well whether they can live upto that or not, what matters is if they truly feel that way at the time of taking the vows. Now think about some funny words that could be uttered at the ceremony (like how Mr.Bean said 'holy goat' instead of 'holy ghost' in Four Weddings and a Funeral lol!). Here are my own versions of some of the famous vows taken at weddings.

Original:
I, John, take you Maria, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
My version:
I, John, take you Maria, to be my wife, to have and to scold from this day forward, for better or for worse depending on the situtaion ofcourse, for richer, much less for poorer, in sicknesses such as flu and in health, to love and to perish; from this day forward until your plastic surgery debts do us part.

Original:
I, James, take you, Tina, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
My version:
I, James , take you, Carol oooops Tina, to be my awful wedded wife, my constantly nagging friend, my frightful partner and my love from this day forward except when footy is on. I promise to love you unconditionally if you do the house chores, to support you in your goals not kitchen work, to honor and respect you, to laugh at you and cry cos of you, and to cherish you for as long as you let me sulk in the sofa.

Original:
I Darren, take you Catherine to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.
My version:
I Darren, take you Catherine to be my wife, my partner in crime and my one true pain. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I'd do tomorrow. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you and that's if I turn gay, loving you faithfully through good times and bad except when dinner is not ready - forget about loving then, regardless of the obstacles you may face while I watch and laugh. I give you my hand, my heart, my liver if there's transplant facilites, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall survive our ugly selfish fights.

Original:
I, Lisa, take you, Brian, to be my husband, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together, getting to know the man you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us.
My version:
I, Lisa, take you, Brian, to be my husband, loving what I know of you and hating the rest which is like 99% of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, btw that's a whole lot. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together which means you do the dishes every night, getting to know the man you will become or cease to be, and falling in love a little more every day, with the milk man ofcourse. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us as long as I get the bigger share in everything.

Original:
I, Karen, choose you Daniel to be my husband, to respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the seasons of life.
My version:
I, Karen, choose you Daniel to be my husband, to respect you in your sorry successes and in your hilarious failures, to care less for you in your beer-induced puking sicknesses and by toilet-training you, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the seasons of life, keeping in mind that you are the one who really needs to grow.

Unison vow orginal:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me.
My version:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me. Forgive me Lord for that was the biggest lie I ever said in my entire life.

:) Now you try making up some funny ones ok, either by using these same ones that I used or create your own. Have a hearty laugh folks! Are you feeling happy now, I DO ;-)

And A VERY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ISHITA AND RAJIV for the 5th of July! This song is dedicated to you two.

Current Music:From This Moment On by Shania Twain (my ultimate wedding song :)

In The Arms Of An Angel...

I'm back guys. Thanks for the wonderful messages and yeah I had a FANTASTIC break. Loads of things to share with you on that, but first of all I want to share the story of a little girl from Perth, Western Australia (pic on left). Little Sophia was only 8yrs old and was with her 14yr old brother, 11yr old sister and her uncle last Monday in a popular Perth shopping centre. Sophia wanted to go to the toilet, so while the others waited outside for her (just metres away from the toilets), Sophia went in but didn't come back. She was raped and murdered inside the toilet by a 20yr old man and it only took him few minutes to do the gruesome act. It was a shocking tragedy that got the whole of Australia together last week. This should never have happened and that too while her family was very close by not knowing what was happening inside the toilet...she's only 8yrs old for goddsakes! It was such a horrible crime that she was left dead on the floor with no clothes on and most of her bones broken. How can anyone, I mean any human ever do such a thing to a little girl? I can't understand how and why people get such cruel and animalisitic thoughts in them that they can really go and do something so violent like that? Imagine the horror, pain, helplessness and the fear she must have felt at the time? Little Sophia will be laid to rest today, and her Year 3 classmates wil be honoring her and bidding her farewell in a public funeral in Perth. One good lesson we can learn from this horrible tragedy: Love CAN conquer Evil...so please let Love come in to your hearts and never let evil win over. And those who are parents, if you have small children with you, always be close to them...never leave them alone in public places. This could have been your daughter, sister, friend or neighbor. I can't even imagine what Sophia's family must be going through right now.

I want to say that no matter how much fun I had last week, I can't get Sophia out of my head. She's in my prayers and in my thoughts. We won't forget the brave little girl you were and the love that you shared in your short time here on Earth with the people you knew. Goodbye Sophia, it's your time to live with the angels...

THE ANGELS
Did the angels come from heaven
to help you through that night
Did they feel your terror
And take away your fright.
Did the angels bear the pain
That was being done to you
Did they hear your cries of fear
And stayed to help you through.
Did the angels hold you tightly
The way I would of done
Did they know how I would feel
And wish they were the one.
Did the angels cry out loudly
For the unjustness of your plight
Did they call Lord Jesus
And lead you to the light.
Did the angels softly kiss your cheek
Before you took your leave
Did they remind you how we loved you so
And forever more we'd grieve.
Did the angels whisper in your ear
Don't worry you will not go alone
Did they know part of us went with you
The day God called you home.

Current Music: Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Footsteps At The Door...

hushhhhhh I can hear your sweet voices.....HIII GUYYYYYYS, how's you all doing? Have I told you lately that I MISSED you like crazy? It was quite life-threatening to be away from all of you hehehe. I'm nearly back but not into full-time blogging yet (my blog life is suffering heavily these days damnnnn!). And yeah I had a smashing bday party and many more June bday parties to attend to till the end of June - yep going on another Harbor cruise this weekend for mum's bday celebrations and also a huge party for my little nephew who's turning 3 this Sunday - Happy Birthday to you my cute little baby Dylann! These few days that I was away have been good and enjoyable but I missed a huge part of me...and that's all of you. So I came to say that I'm thinking of all of you and will be back in action from next week ok? Thanks for all your comments, emails and many blog birthday posts for me. I haven't read all the comments/blog posts yet but will reply to them when I'm fully back. THANKS A TON for thinking of me guys - it's such a wonderful feeling to be thought of in so many special ways.

Amidst my busy 'Fun' schedule, I came here especially to wish A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to South and Mala for the 30th of June, and to Scribblez sweety who's celebrating her birthday on the 2nd of July. I won't be blogging on these days, so I had to do it today and real quick too. Words are really not enough to say how much of a strong influence South has been in my life. He has always been the rock, my pillar and a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed him here. He's just extraordinary and what I call a real man is. It's hard to find people like him in this very troubled world full of fakes. I wish for him many more years of peace, joy, good health and most of all love (not forgetting that he's scored 66 already lol!). Mala you have always been a pretty and inspiring flower in my blog life who has always encouraged me to be realistic and stay focused. I really love the sense of stable friendship and the love you always convey to me, though I have never spoken to you in real. There's a strong aura that you deliver across the miles from your words alone. May God bless you girl! Scribblez though I haven't known you for too long, we hit it straight away didnt we? :) Only cos you are one of the very few sweetest and the genuine girls I have ever come across the blog world. No pretences and no nonsense, you have always stood by your words and you are a true portrayal of dignity and femininity. You have reached out to me in a very special way cos I feel a true connection of lasting friendship with you sweety. God bless you and take care of you in every step of your life! So A Very Happy Birthday to South, Mala and Scribblez! Have a wonderful day and may all your sweet dreams and secret wishes come true faster than I drive on the freeway :)! MWAHHHHHH and HUGGGGGGGGGZ you guys!

A song dedicated especially to the 3 golden hearts above...Without You by Mariah Carey. See you all soon..till then take care, have fun and be good dudes ;-).

And Then A Hero Comes Along...

It may not be the same,
But some things never change.
I feel it and I trust it,

I still believe in forever
Because that's what my heart knows.
Memories are the dew drops on our petals
That re-open the buds that have closed.
Flowers wilt as seasons change,
Though they grow a little more with rain.
The sun will shine when in need,
And left behind, a precious seed.
-Flowers by H. Barnes

I just stopped to smell the flowers and say THANKS to all you beautiful blooms in my garden of life. Thanks for being there for me, Thanks for cheering me up when I was down, Thanks for the inspiration, Thanks for being the shoulder to cry on, Thanks for sharing your wisdom with me, Thanks for saying those lovely compliments to me, Thanks for accepting me for who I am and Thanks for being just YOU! Sometimes we forget or we don't realise that we are happy because of some great people in our life. I just want to make sure I didn't forget that. So guys, please accept my sincere gratitude that's conveyed from the bottom of my heart.

Also guys, I will be away for about a week from today :*( So since I won't be here to say Thanks to the many warm bday wishes that's going to come my way, I wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you alot and thanks in advance for the wishes guys! Uttsy and Ish thanks so much for your heartfelt wishes - I was stoked to bits! I'll be around whenever I can as you guys have become an integral part of my life now and it's so very hard to be away from all of you for too long. And know that you are all in my heart 24/7! Every single one of you have been a huge inspiration and encouragement in my life - that's my reason behind celebrating this year of my life.

'And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you...'

And that HERO in me is YOU, so here's a song dedicated JUST FOR YOU. See ya soon my friends!

Current Music: Hero by Mariah Carey

An Old Soul

This post was written 1.cos this has been bothering me for years and 2.cos here in this blog I have visitors from many faiths,lands,cultures and experiences so I will get a nice variety of views on this to think about. I'm talking about Rebirth. I come from a Buddhist/Hindu background and alot of Buddhists/Hindus believe in rebirth. However I'm a person who don't blindly believe in any theory just cos it's believed so in my faith/culture whatever. I like to think rationally and fairly based on my understanding and experiences. Buddhism claims that there is rebirth for each one of us. That the soul travels through many lifetimes until it finally attains Nirvana(enlightenment). What alot of baggage the soul must carry huh, and think about the airfares whoaaaa! Imagine finding an old undy from a previous birth in your suitcase? Ok sorry guys jokes apart, do you believe in rebirth, if so why? If you think this is all a big fat joke, then tell me why? I wanna know cos I can't understand why some good people suffer and some bad people never seem to suffer in this life. Not that I wish any person to suffer but it doesn't make sense when a good man dies young or falls sick and is not able to enjoy life, while some mean old loser lives a paradise of a life. Now you may say it's pure coincidence/luck but what exactly is that luck? If we do good, don't we deserve good? They say you reap what you sow, well then why do some good folks suffer unfairly or are born with genes that make them terminally ill or are met with some terrible accident or face an unbearable misfortune due to no fault of their's?

Looking at the other side of the coin, if at all there is a rebirth mechanism, what does it serve by making good people suffer in this life where they have been good anyways? If there is a past life that may haunt you for many lifetimes to come, then should we easily blame this life's mistakes/misfortunes on our past life's deeds? My point is, if there's a rebirth at all then how does it work in a sensible manner that's fair to everyone?

However I have read many stories of reincarnation from around the world, of children remembering details of their past lives that later proved to be shockingly accurate. I've also come across some chilling rebirth stories from Sri Lanka/India that make me believe there must be some truth in it. Once there was this very famous story about a small Sri Lankan girl that was in the papers. She was only around 6yrs old and she used to be so afraid of passing this specific bridge in her town. Everytime she passed this place, she used to cry, feel extremely frightened and frantic. So her parents asked her why she was so afraid of that small bridge and then she had told them that she had died there. They were astounded and asked her for more details. Apparently she gave the most specific details of the accident, names, dates etc and they verified all of that to be true! In fact a few years before this girl was born, some other girl had died at that bridge in a car accident on her way to school. So they took this little girl back to her old house and she apparently hugged her people from the past like she knew them so well, and she even showed off her bedroom, toys etc to her current parents! If it's just some intuition in that girl then why did she feel that love for those strangers, the room and the stuff? Why that unbearable fear at the bridge? Sometimes we choose to ignore what we can't understand or what scares us the most or what might make us look silly. Although I know I'm not going to find definite answers to most of my questions here, I do feel like an old soul sometimes and I do get that Deja Vu feeling with certain places, people and events. Now isnt that cool :)

Buddhism denies the reality of a permanent self. However, something has to reincarnate, following the dictates of karma(deeds). You may ask if there is no real self, who then inherits the deeds and reincarnates? Buddha answered that only karma is passing from one life to another, using the illustration of the light of a candle, which is derived from another candle without having a substance of its own. In the same manner apparently there is rebirth without the transfer of a self from one body to another. The only link from one life to the next is of a causal nature.

According to what deeds are done

Do their resulting consequences come to be,

Yet the doer has no existence

This is the Buddha’s teaching.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

Current Music:Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

You and Me

Happy Birthday Ishita babez! Mwahhhhhhh and Huggggggggz! I wish for you Summer days, Autumn beauty, Winter warmth and Spring love forever and ever...may your heart and soul blossom with lots of love on each new day and for many more years to come!

Now to a magic spell - ABCs of Me. Guys you know, ME and Burfy cast a bewitching spell on me ooo lala! These guys come up with some seriously interesting tags. All of you are tagged instantly so get on with it after reading mine ok. Let's dive into it then...

Accent:I always had this accent and it's called Keshien accent.Well some of my friends tell me that I have a bit of an Aussie accent. hmmm I dunno, maybe Uttsy/Raj who have heard my voice can tell me what it's like.
Booze:Fruit-flavored Vodka anytime.
Chore I Hate:I really don't hate any chore...mmm perhaps listening to bullshit??
Dog or Cat: Both awww...any fluffy animal as long as it's not a blood-sucking lion
Essential Electronics:My MP3-player, PC and mobile phone.
Fav Perfume:JOOP right now. But my fav is Issey Miyake.
Gold or Silver:I don't like gold all that much. I prefer Silver compared to Gold, but I'm a serious costume jewelry addict.
Home:Sydney it is!
Insomnia:I turn and toss alot and find it hard to sleep peacefully these days. I must be heavily stressed but I live like I'm all cool. Who knows!
Job Title:IT Consultant.
Living Arrangements:Mum, sis and I.
Most Admirable Traits:I don't admire myself too much but there's one thing I can say I quite like about me...it's my ability to smile even amidst pure gunk.
Number of Sexual Partners: Let me count...1, oh that's not sex..ok I give up. As you can see my sex life is more like going to lunch in Madagascar. btw I just started a Nil-Sex club, anyone wanna join? No condoms required cos you know, it's NIL-Sex club duhhh!
Number of times in hospital:3 I guess. 1.When I was few months old and was basically dying. 2.When I was about 3yrs old and got run over by a bicycle. 3. When I was about 14yrs old and had this minor operation done on one of my toes.
Phobias:Actually I suffer from a zillion phobias so I'd direct you to my mighty Phobia list post, lol!
Quote:'Be yourself'
Religion:Love and humanity
Siblings:One elder sis
Time I Wake Up:7am on weekdays, 9am on weekends and many more times will be given later. btw I have damaged many Alarm clocks over the years.
Unusual Talent or Skill:I can sense what's gonna happen, even in a movie. I know, it's too much. Every bloody dream I dream comes true too. It's a bit spooky.
Vegetable I Love:Okra and Eggplant
Worst Habit:Over-sensitivity
X-Rays, Last time:Chest xray for some muscle inflammatory pain I had a few years back
Yummy Food I Make:Spicy chicken curry
Zodiac Sign:Cancer
Love of my life(added by Keshi):Music

What are you waiting for? JUST DO IT! Not a NIKE ad, do this tag I mean ;-)

Current Music:Who Knew by Pink

Bend It Like Keshi!

Nah I aint talking about footy or Beckham...I'm talking about, well hmmm, just bending :). Just that I have noticed different people bend very different. It really makes me laugh when I see certain people bend in hliarious fashions. I have a friend and she wears these somewhat short skirts and bends down right in front of many people if something were to be picked up (it doesn't bother her at all that her ass may be on heavily discounted show). I know it's eye-candy for guys but I have told her to be more careful and elegant (just like a lady) when bending down in short skirts, but she doesnt really care. She says she's comfortbale with what she wears and that she's pretty comfortable with how she moves around in those clothes too. Well as long as her 'Bendons' don't decide to take a sneak-peek during her 'Bendings', we are ok :). I know that most guys will stone me to death for trying to make her bend decently but be honest guys, what do you think of a girl who doesn't know how to bend safely? So girls, if you're wearing a mini-skirt and bending over, you're showing a bit too much and might be sending the wrong message to guys. No offense meant ladies, just stating the facts.

My aunt on the other hand (no she doesnt wear short skirts and hell na I don't want her to) bends in a very funny fashion. She bends down with both her knees buckled, and she does look cute that way :). I have another friend who would rather sit down on the floor than bending down from hips, just to pick something up. He sits down, picks it up and then gets up lol! I have a kneeling cousin too. She kneels down to pick something up, like in a praying position. Na she aint overweight or something like that, but that's just her bending style. There's a colleague of mine who bends one leg down and sits on the other while picking things up. And there's my neighbor who gets someone else to pick things up for her, only cos she's very old and cant bend down at all, awwww. And there's this cousin of mine who picks up things on his home floor by a hook-kinda stick. Or else he'll just stand there as straight as a tree, with his arm stretched towards the object, wanting to pick it up but not doing so, and looking at me for help. Well lets just say he's just...slothful.

Im sure you wanna know how I bend down huh? Well I just bend down to get things up in a very ladylike manner, I swear. I'm too careful cos I don't wanna be subjected to a mighty audience watching my rear, scrutinizing every angle of it and I ceratinly don't want to jeopardise my integrity during something as unimportant as a bending process! Whether I'm wearing shorts, pants, short skirts, dress or nothing-at-all(I can see jaws dropping lol), I bend down at the knees and at the hips, keeping my legs together. I may sound too stringent for something as silly as a bending process, but I like to do certain things in a chic and graceful manner. Actually, whether it's bending down, sitting down, standing up, walking or even sleeping, I like to be decent and maintain discipline (unless ofcourse when I'm exercising or relaxing at home). Don't you think so too? I don't mean to be so perfect and elegant as Queen Victoria was but I like to move graciously and decently when I'm out and about. Because we must look our best, move our best and bend our best wherever we are ;-). Now over to you, how do you do it mate?

And...HAPPY AND GORGEOUS BIRTHDAY TO YOU TRE, MWAHHHH!

Current Music: Goddess On A Highway by Mercury Rev

Once Upon A Frikkin Time...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEESY MWAHHHHH HUNNY, HAVE A BLAST!

Where's my goddamnn glass slipper and my fairy-duhhh-godmother? And where the heck is the nerdy frog prince or does he remain an ugly toad forever? Should I be the sleeping beauty to be kissed by a handsome dude(btw I didn't know that this means I needed to be on an eternal overdose). Where's the candy house that's made of yummy goodies cos all I see is a boring brick house with a redneck puffing cocaine. What about the 7 dwarfs who were to become my life-long friends or are most tall people frozen garden gnomes? Grew my hair very long so I could get a hunk in my balcony but it seems most men are afraid of climbing and perhaps falling flat on their ass? Where's the woodcutter who really saves me from the wolf cos now there are one too many wolves around - does this mean we need a Woodcutters' Training College in each town? What happened to the magic lamp that granted me wishes or has the 500-pairs-of-shoes wish bored the lamp like there's no tomorrow? Does a magical Beanstalk to the skies exist or do I have to catch a Qantas each time? Am I the mermaid that longs for a human prince or am I just a girl who always ends up with a squid of a boyfriend? Where's the Pied Piper to chase away the annoying rats or do the modern rats need JLO to inspire them? How do I weave straw into gold cos I can't even make plain bread for starters! Where are the Barleycorn that sweet little girls emerge from cos the little girls I know today are toothy little vixens who want presents all the time!

Where's the 'Happily Ever After' that only fairy-tales seem to know of? aaarrrrrghhh I forgot...my life isnt a fairy tale ooops! So forget the glass slipper, the prince, the candy house and the darn happily-ever-after! Perhaps I should go get a life (or shoes)...I think shoes are easier ;-). How much of a fairy-tale has your life been?

Current Music: Runaway by Del Shannon

Dream Boat this time...

Guys I just have to share with you the most beautiful dream cruise I went on on Sat night. It was truly a mind-blowing experience to be on that 'Rhythmboat' for 4hrs, cruising around Sydney harbour (going under the Harbour Bridge and around the Opera House passing many beautiful waterfront homes of the rich and the famous, and some very beautiful spots in Sydney...)...in the deep blue night over the tranquil dark-blue waters, chatting with friends, having dinner and listening to some great reggae/pop music from 2 great Jamaican/Aussie singers. We grooved to the music and since we also had 2 Hens' Nights being celebrated on that same boat it was one big party! One of the hens was an Indian chick so guys, there were about 20 ravishing Indian chicks on board, dressed to kill ;-). There was also a fantastic magic show and a comdey show as live entertainment - 2 very funny guys rocked it with some great Aussie jokes and they also acted out some very strong accents from various lands (Aus being a very multi-cultural country now). I was laughing every second when these 2 brothers performed and I nearly fell off my chair chuckling, cos these guys were seriously FUNNY! They also sang patriotic Aussie songs in Polish lol, and na they didnt forget the Indian, Swedish and French accents :). There was this hilarious song about how Aussie culture is rapidly changing into many other cultures, and boys you would have loved the those lyrics cos I heard many howls and whistles from guys :) Then a scrumptious dinner, and then dancing was just superb - the Live music was a mixture of the 80's and 90's so it was great dance music. One girl did some pole dancing cos she was totally stoned lol, and na it wasnt me guys ;-) One more thing..I was really thinking of all of you during that cruise, wishing that you too were with me that night. Just imagine how much fun it would be!

That was the dream boat. But on Sunday night I watched a sad story of a ship that wasnt so much of a dream. Yes we went on a movie marathon and saw Poseidon and The Omen. 'Poseidon' is about a New Year's Eve cruise ship that got buried by a huge wave (Rogue wave) in the middle of the ocean. Though I wasn't so fascinated by the story itself (a bit boring - it lacked visible drama, and as a renowned drama queen ofcourse I didn't like it much :)), the special effects were simply brilliant. The monster wave looked so real and damn scary. The story is about how few survivors used their cranium to get out of the doomed ocean-liner and made their way to rescue. However there are few far-fetched scenes in there such as when Kurt Russel slides down a thin rope from one end to the other of the ship, with his adult daughter on his back (with fire and water beneath and at an alarmingly terrifying height). He did it with so much simplicity and as if it was like swinging from a tree in childhood and with no visible fear at all - whooosh he's at the other end unscathed and looking bored, duhhh! Like it was his second job. That moment reminded me of Rajni Kanth from Tamil movies. It's a pity that Hollywood too is catching that South-Indian-Isaac-Newton-Killing-Movie-Scenes fever. Since this movie was way too short, we decided to catch another on the same night and the choice was 'The Omen'. Rebbz I had you in mind :). Well to be honest I wasn't impressed by this one either. It was boring and there were no scary scenes except for the devil's face appearing on the mirror in a quick flash or two. One interesting thing I noticed was that the infant's skeleton in the grave was like the size of a 5yr old's?? Also the mother's skeleton was of a dinosaur or some sort of animal's. But if that's the case, and since the priest said he witnessed the birth of Damien and saw the mother's face at the hopsital, did that mean a dinosaur was admitted to the hospital for childbirth? Sorry I could not make sense out of that. Anybody who saw this movie, please explain that part to me. But I liked the last scene...it showed how the little devil-possessed Damien was holdng the American President's hand. Was that some super clue or am I guessing it wrong?

Monday we went on a long drive and yeah it was very cold here, but not too bad cos we were a group of family and friends, so we had so much fun, food and relaxation. Na I didnt get to visit the baby on Sunday cos it was too cold and we decided to just veg out at home and then to those movies at night. So that was my AWESOME weekend. How was your's? btw Blogger sucks these days...I couldn't post pics after that first pic, what a bummer!

Current Music:What Is Love by Haddaway

Dream Train

What is life without dreams? Even though some dreams may not seem reachable, it's great and beautiful to dream...for we have to have dreams to live today or else life becomes meaningless and aimless. Someday we may reach those dreams...who knows. So catch the Dream Train every now and then, dream a little dream and say a little prayer whenever you can. Some people search for happiness in the most mistaken places such as in the 'balance' of a bank account, in the hands of many lovers, in a bottle of alcohol, under a sniff of cocaine, in the holy scripts of religion, at the trigger of a machine gun or in material therapy such as houses, cars and belongings. They think Happiness is a destination and so they drive down a long and miserable road till they are very disappointed, 'cos all of the places they searched for it are short-lived. What they don't realise is that the very Happiness they are looking for is not a static destination in this map of Life. It's only a direction. And that direction resides in themselves. Finding that is not so hard if they stop the search for that unavailble destination and start searching for it in themselves. Nothing/Nobody can make you happy except yourself. If you're not happy still, start by dreaming what your happiness is like. Catch that Dream Train and go chuk chuk..chuk chuk..chuk chuk...you may get the answer then.

(click on the pics to enlarge).

It's a long weekend in NSW guys...tomorrow night we are going to a Sydney harbor cruise with dinner, a live show and dancing (just got invited by a friend so I don't even have to pay)...woohoo! Sunday we are off to lunch at a friend's place - she had a baby boy 2 weeks ago so I'll be coochi-cooing most of Sunday. Then on Monday we are going to the Blue Mountains with few friends...just for a scenic drive and some much-needed relaxation. What about your weekend plans? Anyways, catch you guys next time, have a great and safe weekend! chuk chuk..chuk chuk..chuk chuk...chuk chuk....

Current Music:To The Moon And Back by Savage Garden.

Guilty Of Innocence

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEWEL_RAYS (AMY) FOR THE 8TH OF JUNE! LOTS OF LOVE AND KISSES TO YA HUNNY, MWAHHHHHHHHHHH!

I was thinking of watching the latest horror movie 'The Omen' last night, but since it was raining cats, dogs and even kangaroos ;-), we decided to stay indoors. Luckily one of my friends dropped in with the Hindi movie Water, a dvd I have been asking her to lend me since I read about this movie a while back. The director of this movie Deepa Mehta was not allowed to make this movie in India as there were many protests by Hindu extremists against it in 2000. The film was falsely accused of portraying Indian women as prostitutes, being part of a Christian plot against Hinduism, and even supporting the Western oppression of India. Amidst escalating protests, violence and personal death threats against Mehta and lead actors Shabana Azmi and Nandita Das, Mehta decided to cancel the production. That banned this movie in India. Although Mehta was forced to cancel Water in 2000, she never abandoned the project and last year was finally able to resume the production in Sri Lanka under an assumed name and with a new cast and a strict code of secrecy. So we watched Water last night and I was mesmerised by a bubbly little new actress who captured my heart with her very sweet and highly praise-worthy acting. Though this movie was a Hindi movie, the little actress in it is Sarala, a Sri Lankan girl and her acting is simply amazing! She had to learn Hindi (as she only spoke Sinhalese in real) just to do the movie and I think she's a brilliant little girl who is talented beyond her age. She was a treat to my eyes, heart and soul. In this movie, there's also Bollywood actor John Abraham (yes girls he looked hot even in those ancient clothes ;-) and the beautiful Bolly/Hollywood actress Lisa Ray (guys she's stunning!).

For those who haven't seen Water, the movie is about a child-bride and the heavy prices child-widows had to pay in a pre-independent India, set against the backdrop of Mahatma Gandhi's rise to power. 8yr old child-bride Chuyia (actress Sarala) hears of her child-husband's death. Her father, following the ancient custom, cuts Chuyia's long locks, shaves her head and exiles her to a widow's ashram(a spiritual place of refuge) where she is meant to live until the end of her life (yes it used to be plain cruel and unfair a life for widows back then). According to ancient Hindu texts, when a husband dies, the widow has three alternatives: Commit sati (immolate herself on her husband’s funeral pyre), Marry his brother (if one is available), or Live in forced poverty and isolation, withdrawing to an ashram for widows (one like where little Chuyia was sent to). Chuyia's aggressive and lively presence starts to affect the lives of the other widows of various ages in the ashram. She is boisterous, brutally honest and pretty cheeky. Though she is a very small girl, she asks very big questions...questions that the doomed widows in the ashram feared to even think about. She becomes very close with one of the young adult widows in the ashram Kalyani (Lisa Ray), and spends most of the time with her. The movie recites a grueling story of the harsh and punishing lives some widows spent as a result of meaningless ancient customs and poverty. Families that couldn't afford to keep their widowed children at home, sent them away to these kind of ashrams not only because of blind tradition but also because it meant one less plate to serve at home.

These women used to live in the ashram all their lives...from the tender age of 6 or 7 to the day they breathed their last breath. Hiding their desires in fear of society and culture, blinded by a faith that would punish them if they seeked any Earthly pleasures, these women suffered in silence, sacrificing their entire lives just to die one day having done nothing in life that they ever wanted to. How sad is that! I was feeling this immense pain for these women as I watched the movie and felt the need to put some sense into some very cruel people out there but my lips were sealed and my hands were tied already. These women have already served their rigorous jail terms for being a widow and for being a woman. Although it's not as harsh for widows right now, I still see various forms of oppression of widows in Indian/Sri Lankan cultures. My mother was a young widow (and she's a Hindu) and I remember she being victimised once by one of her own friends who thought it was not good for her daughter to see my mum's face as the first thing after she came of age. I also remember how one of my aunts was told not to stand infront of the wedding altar of her own daughter, just cos she is a widow and it's considered a bad omen. There is another young lady we know who's supposedly doomed for life cos she became a very young widow and so nobody even thinks she should remarry! Why are women punished this way when widowed men can go about doing anything and everything in life? Are these women supposed to be dead too just 'cos their men died? How blind and ignorant are we to go on like this even in the 21st century? Is being a widow such a terrible curse or is being a woman something to be guilty of? I think sheer ignorance is the issue here, nothing else. I find it revolting that widowed women are still being treated as cursed women in this modern era. No matter how much you say that the times have changed, the attitude certainly hasn't.

Knocking On Heaven's Door...

Knock Knock...
Who's there?
A lost girl...
What brings you here?
I'm in search of liberation...
You had so many souls who gave it to you but you left them!
But my heart was bleeding...
But these souls didnt leave you??
I know. I received so many letters from Heaven so Im at your door now...
Come in then and liberate yourself in the love of those who really cared!

HUGGGGGGGGGGZ Guys I'm back! Thanks EVERYONE for all the emails/comments giving me so much strength and love since last Friday. No more tears and no more silly dramas, I promise. Cos I realise that so many people here truly care about me and that's a rare considering the experiences I've had in the past. So I must be thankful for having you all as my friends who brighten up my day in countless ways. I'm sorry I was blind and was lost for a while, but I somehow found my way back to Heaven and that's YOU. I'd like to thank each and everyone for not losing faith in me and for speaking great words of wisdom in their genuine efforts to get me back here and guess what guys, it worked like a charm :) I'm here earlier than I thought I'd be mainly because of JD, cos he said that he's going to be away in the Middle East soon and that he doesnt want to leave in my absence. So J here I AM!

I would like to share with you a few great quotes from Buddhism that I have been pondering upon over the weekend:

--There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.
--Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else-you are the one getting burned.
--It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
--Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
--Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.

~~Buddha.

And my own revelation from my many experiences:

Relationships are tough, espeically if you are serious about it. If you're not in it for real, it's quite easy, cos it's easier to pretend that everything is sugary and rosy than to really go through it. And if that novelty in a relationship is lost, it's lost for good. It's like how when a drop of ink falls into the milk, the milk is no longer white and pure. Therefore I'm not going to torture myself with the loss of any friends, cos I haven't really lost anything here but my realisation of SELF. We all cry so much because we are so hooked up on SELF, even though we crave for love from one another - cos it's SELF that we really love so we constantly want to pamper it. I realised that I could have a zillion friends but I can never force them to love me and no matter what, I will always end up by myself. When the curtains are drawn, people go home and the lights are switched off, I will be all by myself. It's any man's story. That's what will always be and so I realised that I need to learn to rely on myself.

Have a great day folks and THANKS SO MUCH for always being there for me!

Current Music: All By Myself by Celine Dion.

Sailing Away

A million charges laid against me. Punishments written down in a very long scroll. You shall be hanged and your crime is you. Your life is worthless and you are doomed. You are heading to a land full of gloom. You left your home, hence you're a vagabond. You're atrocious influence to many virtuous souls. You don't belong in this pure world. In the wilderness of this treacherous life, I stumble and fall. I stand up and keep sailing ahead. I see people smiling, some are frowning. Some are laughing and some hail for a ride. Some hold my hand and some stab me with an invisible dagger. Deadly blizzards and heavy rains always come every now and then. I keep on marching not looking back. In the deep blue night I see an iceberg in the way...will I stop sailing and be glad that I didn't die? Or will I even die while sailing fearlessly? I'm the holder of my map...I'm the sailor of these seas...I'm the goddess of my fate...I'm the doer of my deeds. Your Honor, I'm guilty of the felonies in your court of fear and safety. But I'd rather die while sailing than bow down in cowardice.

One of my favorite poems:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
--William Ernest Henley

I think some people are taking advantage of my blog just to pass time and judgement. And at the end of the day, after reading my honest thoughts here, they call me someone who's trying to get the approval of what I think is right, a great big traitor to many friends, a bad influence, a loser with nothing else to do etc etc. Perhaps to them I'm just a joke and just a net Id to read in the weekends over their morning coffee. You know who you are and you know what...you don't deserve to read my thoughts anymore.

I've had enough of hearing too many charges against me all the time and my blog posts being scrutinised from every angle at the courts of a very flawed law. Unfortunately I live in their land and so like those Judges say, I'm a pain to many and need to go away from all of your lives for good. Thanks all for everything, take care and Bye!

UPDATE:DONT WORRY, I WILL BE BACK AFTER A BREAK.

Selfiship

*Do as I expect please.
*Hear my point of view and you may keep your's silent.
*You didn't do what I thought you'd do so I think you're fake.
*You did the obvious so I still think you're fake.
*My other friends told me that you sound fake.
*You have forgotten me but it's ok that I have forgotten you too.
*Hello I'm handling the strings and you're the puppet.
*You are so popular so you've got to be shallow.
*I've lost that old you just cos I choose to lose you.
*I'm right and you're wrong.
*I got hurt and remember your feelings don't count.
*You were never there for me but it's ok that I wasn't there either.
*Just listen, don't talk cos I don't want to hear you.
*My good friend Jane got hurt but who cares how you got hurt.
*You don't agree with me so I think you're a bad person.
*You questioned my belief so I disrespect you and dump you for life.
*One of your enemies insulted me so I think you're a disease that should be avoided.
*My jealous girlfriend suspects us, so I leave you.
*You're gorgeous! (bull sh#t!).
*I can't forget you but I somehow did and I feel great.
*You're non-existent now, although I bump into you all the time and I pretend as if you're invisible.
*I choose Sally's friendship over your's.
*It's easier to disregard you cos I don't chat with you everyday.
*You stand up for your rights too much so I run away from you.
*You don't fit in my perfect-friend criteria so you're rubbish.
*None of the many sweet things that you are counts anymore, cos you made one mistake.
*I can't stop associating James just cos you are hurt but I can stop associating you.
*You don't come from the same country as I do, so you're less important.
*You are frikkin smart so I'm scared to be around you.

*You're too kind so let's walk all over you.

*You're not gracious so you're still not good enough.

*You challenged my views so you're ignorant.

*You have too many people around you so I'm jealous.

*Be someone else that you're not and I might like you.
*If I avoid you I'm a better friend.

*I have a bunch of other friends, so you're insignificant.
*You are plastic and we are made in Heaven.

Oh Momma, a friend is just a known enemy!

--written after decoding the messages of my many selfish 'friends' that I have known in this lifetime. Wear the cap if it fits ya.

Current Music: Don't Cry by Guns N Roses.