Gaining Distance Losing Proximity...

Everything in life is about Distance. You get too close you'll suffer or you'll suffocate another. You get too far you'll miss out or you'll hurt another. Maintaining the perfect distance in relationships and everything else is quite a daunting and difficult task. Cos everytime I tried to get closer to someone or something (closer than before), I have been slapped hard on my face. On the contrary, everytime I distanced myself from someone or something (just to keep my emotions safe), I have often felt lonely and lost, or have been mistaken as arrogant and proud. So what is the perfect distance then? Actually there's no perfect distance. Just be. Cos that perfect distance varies from person to person. There's no single definition for it. I tried to keep away from people...distanced myself from many of my friends here...I stretched the distance as much as I could. I ran an emotional marathon, trying to gain more and more 'kilometres' away from it all. But the distance that I had gone was only physical...mentally I wasn't one mile more away from this place. The physical miles I've collected on my run were empty and poor...cos there was no one to applaud and no one to give me a bottle of water half way through my run...cos I was only running a lonesome marathon. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

On the other hand, Closeness or proximity is not something that everyone can give or feel. But Distance is a term most people are used to and know of. Proximity is not for everyone cos not everyone knows how to connect emotionally and stay connected that way. So they choose to keep a 'distance' instead. While we all need to keep a healthy distance from everyone in our lives and in any relationship, always remember that keeping a distance does not mean there should be no 'proximity' at all. If you don't know how to keep a healthy distance (space) as well as maintain a good proximity (closeness) in a relationship, then it's time you take a good look at your inner self...for if your life is all distance and no proximity, then all the marathons you've been running are in vain...for all the physical miles you've gained so far are empty and poor in quality. In winning the marathon, you've lost in life. If you can't connect closely with people yet keep a healthy distance, if you're running away from it all, if you're afraid of what's to come, if you wanna end it all even before it's over, then you're running an empty race. For what's the purpose in gaining mileage if there's no one to stop and say Hi to?

So, how far away are you from the world?


Share your thoughts/personal experiences (blogwise or not) with me.


This post is dedicated to all my blog-mates who are 'distancing' from Blogville and from all of us. The world needs more emotional proximity right now, not distance...c'mon close the gaps, bridge the distances and live it up, cos we all have very little time here...





Current Music: So Far Away by Dire Straits

Keshi Airlines Touches Down!

UPDATE: ok I finally chose some of the best captions for the pics below and wrote a small story using them. Instead of choosing just one winning title for each pic, I used the best ones for each pic, weaved the story of the lost and found Keshi, and included your names too...just to make it interesting, meaningful and sweet ya know :). The bolded red lines are the winning captions for each pic, your name is in brown and is right next to the winning caption in each line. I hope you like it. Thanks all for taking part and congrattz all winners yeyyyy!

Ok I think I've put all of you through enough pain and sadness by my recent mood. Yes I can be a very moody girl but I don't wanna make any of you sad cos of my hissy fits. After posting the last post, I realised that so many people are sad cos I've been in this shitty mood for awhile now. I'm really really sorry! So for all those who wanted me to be back here, simply cos you love and care about me, HERE I AM! :) Yes I'm back, not only cos I want to make you all happy but also cos I want to be here...I don't wanna leave a place this fantastic and this meaningful! Writing, expressing, reading, learning, connecting is my only solace...so how I can leave? Not yet! Even if I leave some day, I will leave this blog open...so that I can come and write and connect anytime I want to. Cos there's no such thing as a permanent goodbye...I believe you can never really leave something you truly love...cos even if we physically leave, we stay connected on a different level til the end of time. And so, I cannot really leave at all...no no no! :)

Thanks all for all the love and support during the past few weeks and in that last post too. Thanks for being so patient with me and putting up with my quest in the past few weeks. And thanks for all the encouraging messages, comments, txts and emails...it means alot to me guys! And thanks to all the silent readers who left a message for me in the last post. LOVE YOU ALL! Now here are few pics from my break to make you smile...look at my various moods in the past weeks...yes I'm one moody biyatch I know! Now I'd like you to title each pic according to what you see in them...and I'll choose the best title from your answers for each pic and update later on. Kapish? Goodo! Now Keshi is back alright!;-) All the best! *jeez look how long my hair is now!*


#1

A very smart Crystal wanted to bend it like Keshi, when all charming Kartz could see was the maiden in the sun, with an elated Tarun who was drenched in sunshine...and just when sweet Richa caught the sun beams, the ever ardent Nachi falls in love with Keshi Croft...

#2

A very passionate Sawan was mesmerised by the shades of life in shadows of colors, when the truly instinctive Raghav saw her spirit burning up...and her gorgeous friend Silvara saw her as fading away but still here, as the serene Arunima whispered to her 'you need to revel in your own light baby'...but her dearest mate Hemz still sees her as the Sunshine, with a delightful Tarun capturing her in the spotlight, and a caring Suresh wondering about the disappearing act...while a very thoughtful Diana portrays a quiet reflection through Priya's inner voice that whispered 'I'm a fire'...and just then the vivacious Ani sees a shining star as the enchanting beauty Sachi echoes Enlightenment...



#3

A pensive Diana pictures the endless wait while the ever graceful Suma finds her lost in contemplation, as a poignant Crystal feels she's gone with the wind...but 'hang on' says angelic Anits who awaits Hope as a conscientious Arunima sees it as giving it a thought...

#4

A reflective Raghav watches her hiding under the shadow as her faithful friend Tarun tries to find her in the dark night, and just when her darling friend Prashanti puts a missing poster for 'Labelle dame' she hears someone arriving with The Rat saying 'Hawa.. Hawaaii..here i come!'...holding pretty Diana's delicate hands she's all set to bloom, with the bold and strong Southy by her side and hungering for more love, laughter and light...


#5

A rather bright Suresh now sees her as closing a deal, and the warm and charming Ankur thinks it's zap time of the saga...I love the coffee time with you, says a cordial Arv as he winks with stars in his eyes when an unflinching Trevor is taking pictures of the fairy, as she poses with the seductress Silvara saying 'nothing sweet about me'...and as they all meet each other again and Maddy keeps seeing an Aarumugam in all of this, 'I hear music in my heart, mind and soul' says the most beautiful angel ever Krys...


#6

A quite psychic Aneesh thought she has a face with a smile when the heart weeps inside, and a very sensitive Ani heard her saying 'lets use glasses to hide the pain', but a rather coy Jeevan thinks she smiles to shyest, and a very caring Raghav tells her that life can make you smile too...so she Gog-gled up with the audacious Crystal, Indulgence yes thats what she is says a gallant Southy, and a radiant Starry starts to write her new chapter titled 'watch out here I come'...On mission future adds a very confident Diana...'look into my eyes', a calm and collected Samy suddenly hears voices...u r gonna kill me with those eyes, screams a shaken yet mesmerised Ankur...now you know my shades look better than Posh's, says Keshi and the ever intelligent babe Krithika with loud giggles from afar! Inside, a fire rages concludes an awesome Amit.

and so the love, light and laughter continues to be heard in the distant shores from around the world...we are here together forever and the beautiful story shall continue to be weaved as it's meant to be...yes Keshi, says Soul and the wonderful girl Devika.

Wait a minute baby...stay with me awhile
Said you'd give me light
But you never told me about the fire...

And this fav song of mine is dedicated to ALL of yous here! Yes you're my heart, you're my soul..that is the only thing I really know. Come dance with me now! ;-)

Current Music: Sara by Fleetwood Mac
Current Music Update: You're My Heart You're My Soul by Modern Talking

Eulogy Of The Living...

Here they lay me down to sleep
For another thousand years I weep
Autumn leaves, my bed they be
People and places I know not thee...
Dead and gone that's what I may be
For I wasn't what they chose to see
Frozen hands that I cannot feel
But my heart still pounds, as it bleeds...
Here they lay me down to sleep
For another thousand years I weep
Sun and the moon dance around me
But here I lay with my lips sealed.


I wept...I bled...I died...yet I'm alive. Where is the beginning and where is the end? I know not thee. I don't know what it is but I feel trapped, handicapped and unable to continue blogging like I used to...sorry I haven't been to your blogs either. Something is pulling me down...something has come to haunt me...something is pushing me off the cliff, yet trying to save me. I tried so hard to write something positive, happy and exciting with my holiday pics too...but it seems I cannot get to my old blogger mode again. It makes me feel quite sad. Could this be the unexpected end of one of the greatest chapters of my life? Something died in me...but I can't find what still keeps me here...now I feel like I'm the living dead in Blogville...maybe you should bury me.


Current Music: Haunted by Evanescence

Now That I've Cried...

You've killed
You've died
You've wrecked so many lives
You've cried
You've screamed
You've held your knives
But is this the end?
Did you reach that peace?
How could you think
That this is it?
If this was your dream
Then you got it all wrong
Cos nothing can kill
Unity and Love
People may die
And you may laugh
But the Truth lies deep
Within your heart
Now that you've killed
Now that you've died
What's next my brother
Now that I've cried?

Written by me to the extremists that took away so many innocent lives in the senseless Mumbai massacre last week. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families, and everyone in Mumbai. We still love Mumbai and nothing can take away it's beauty and peace!


In life and in death, we shall live in Unity. Never let anyone's cruel deeds steal the love in your heart. Never let fears of someone else make you a coward too. Continue to live in peace, and march ahead fearlessly...for you may die today, but love and unity can never die. Evil can never defeat Love...just like no amount of darkness can kill light. Please stay safe and unshaken wherever you are.


You may 'kill' me but I won't 'die'. Cos I'm love.

Current Music: Sathyam Shivam Sundaram by Lata Mangeshkar

A Sneak Peek...

How are we babies? :)

I just had to say Hi to ya...cos I miss ya all so very much! Thank you all so very much for the heart-felt comments, emails and messages so far...they all mean alot to me. MWAH!

Now here's just a quick update for ya on what's been happening with me so far:

*We have been driving around Sydney and it's been one terrific travel-a-thon so far

*I feel freer, happier and lighter, yes I do!

*We have been hunk-watching, dining, wining, dancing, partying and winking alot aha! ;-)

*No I haven't been eating alot, cos I am careful about that, duncha worry my boyfriends I still look great! *smilez*

*One of my cousins want me to cut my long long hair in Posh Spice style....hmmm let's see ha...what say guys?

*Tonight we are going to a Latin American club for some hot Salsa..ing ooh lala *I hope I meet an Antonio Banderas lookalike? plz God!*

*I fell down and rolled on the floor in a shop while shopping with a cuzn *ROFL!*

*Girls we shopped til we dropped! *hot new shoes, tops, shorts, accessories*

*Watched DVDs at home and vegged out on the couch...

*Laughed til we almost died!

*And I still MISS ALL OF YA SO VERY MUCH!

Will you see me again? Maybe 'yes' ha? Soon I hope. And I hope all of you are keeping well and staying happy? Tell me what's happening with you right now...c'mon update me on your life too. So, once again, thanks alot for all the love and care while I was away...thank you for remembering me, it means alot to me. And amidst all the fun I'm having right now, I remember you too my dear ones, hence this post for ya :). Ciao dahlins, see yous MWAH!

Current Music: Cry For You (you'll never see me again) by September

Through My Window...

Whoever who said that being alone is the only time you can truly be yourself and that our best companion ever is Solitude, are very wise people. The one who sees true beauty and the magic behind this life may sometimes have to walk alone...it's a fact. And all the misery in us stem from our inability to be alone...our constant need to be heard, wanted and understood. But you know, I tried and I nearly died trying. Cos no one will ever understand you fully. Cos we are lone creatures with lone judgements. Not everyone will walk with you and neither will you walk with everyone else. We all walk alone. We have friends and foes during the day, but at night we are alone, staring at the dark blue skies in complete solitude. And he who does not ask or want company just to secure an important place for himself in this world, is the greatest man ever...he who knows that even being alone, he is still valuable and very much a part of this great Universe. Caught up in the illusion called 'bonds' that don't last anyway, we continue to be mangled in the misery of wanting company, longing for our thoughts to be validated and our hearts to be recognised.

Yes, it's time for Keshi's heart to go into the wilderness for awhile. I'm not upset with anyone here, neither am I leaving Blogville for good. It's just that my heart needs some time off from the blinding city lights and speeding down the highway :). I will be back in few days time. Don't feel sad and don't think this is the end, cos it's not. You know I love you all very much and I can't just end it all like you mean nothing to me, cos you do. And it's not my style to cut away all of a sudden from the people who really cared about me and were there for me when I needed them badly, more than my own loved-ones could. And all those people who always stood by me no matter what, and during my last few flickering posts, THANKS from the bottom of my heart! *Enchanted, Mayz and Southy HUGS, and ty for the encouraging emails and posts!*. And those who read them and dismissed them without saying a word, THANKS to you too! Cos now I know who truly cares and who's just here for a mock game. And those who didn't have time nor the inclination to respond to my recent msgs/emails, I sincerely hope that some day you'd learn what 'acknowledgement' is...maybe you're not born with it but it's not too late to learn it. The world doesn't revolve around you...you revolve around it. Cos it's we who continue to seek attention from others instead of giving out real love...we continue to seek appreciation and validation of ourselves in others, instead of taking a good look at our own selves and learning to depend on ourselves. btw I also have some cousins coming over for a break and I will be spending alot of time with them and travelling interstate etc with them in the next few days. So, I can only log in occasionally to publish comments but I won't be around Blogville commenting in your blogs as usual. I'm really sorry guys but this is really necessary too...but keep writing and having fun. As promised I will be back soon all refreshed, and perhaps with lots of exciting news and more beautiful pics :). Til then take care, keep smiling, be well, be kind to each other, don't forget me, I'll do all the tags when I come back :) and hey never underestimate the power of being alone. MWAH so long my dearest mates I'm gonna miss ya tonnz!

Current Music: Make It Real by The Jets

Show Me The Way To Go Home...

Here are some pics of miscellaneous places that I captured from my camera recently...some of them are a bit old but possess a beauty that's hard to forget (Tulips). The Spring pics of the Peach blossoms, the cathedral, the government house (takes you to the beautiful Victorian era of 1800s when you're inside!), the botanical gardens, the weekend fair and the kangaroo pics are fairly new ones. My aunt was here few weeks ago and we have been taking her here and there, and this is the result of those trips. The last pic is very close to my heart...it was taken in the Sydney's famous Blue Mountains...it's a bush-walking track...a track of a mysterious fate...at the end of the road what will I find...will it be my home? What(/where) is home to you? (I have put captions on the pics to portray a journey...to tell a story)

Stopped by a banquet to have some fun...


Blossoming thoughts of my home far away...



















I was Thumbelina for a day...


Passing by a rather shy Koala friend...




















And I feel the grace of a cathedral...




















A peek inside God's room before I leave again...




















It rained purple for a while...


Legends telling me secrets from afar...




















Went inside a castle and went 100s of years back in time...












Strolled down the ever-blooming memory lane...


Walked through corridors of light, looking for peace of mind...


















Spent days in white satin...









The roos in the bush said to me: Where is your next destination mate?


I stopped to smell the flowers before the night hid it's beauty...
















Country roads, take me home...to the place where I belong...



















Current Music: Country Roads by John Denver

Was It Just A Dream?

Reflections...Spirit...Memories...Hurt...Sentiments...

Doors...Blows...

Touches...Kisses...Faces...Laughs...Cuts...Lessons...

Smiles...Love...

Viva Forever...Heartprints...Truth...Dreams...

Deceit...Time...

Pieces...Thoughts...Bonds...Novelty...Rust...Bridges...

Secrets...Broken...

Roads...Signs...Souls...Refuge.

Did I belong here...is this not my home...

Or was it just a dream..and did I just wake up?

What is 'Forever'?
What lasts forever?


Current Music: Viva Forever by Spice Girls

And Hope Decides To Pay A Visit....

Uncivil Years Of Civilisation...

Man, over years of civilisation had hardly learnt what TOLERANCE is....had hardly realised what PEACE and LOVE is...had hardly known what it is to RESPECT one another's opinions...had hardly seen beyond their own 4 WALLS...had hardly seeked SIMILARITIES yet voraciously seeked DIFFERENCES...had hardly felt HUMANITY but craved for CRUELTY....had hardly noticed the HEARTS of one another but continued to rejoice in their own COLOR, RELIGION, RACE and CREED. Man may have physically and technologically evolved over years but have deteriorated spiritually and mentally in a sense that the world is now at the brink of death, destruction and terrorism. Then dawned a brandnew day on Earth...a day that gave HOPE for millions of people around the world...a day that reflected a global CHANGE, not just a nation's change....a day that proved true EVOLUTION finally occurred...evolution of the MINDSETS...a change of MENTALITIES...a PROMISE of a brandnew world. Obama becomes the first black president of a predominantly white nation, that once didn't even allow the blacks to vote or go to church! Obama brings hope for all nations that are still suffering at the hands of racism, war, small minds and terrorism...such as Sri Lanka, Pakistan, India, Iraq etc etc. Now there is HOPE that our lands will change too...some day...like America did! (pic: A father mourns his baby son's death - one of many that gets killed every single day in wartorn Sri Lanka, and the reason - RACE)


Some Dreams Do Come True...
I'm glad I witnessed a glorious moment in history where people of all colors and races, worked together for this moment to happen...when it proved that ancient and shallow mentalities have now faded into the past and paved everyone a new path for FREEDOM of INDIVIDUALITY. Obama's success to the White house only goes to show that what matters is what you're made of...not what you're colored of. Go Obama! You proved to the world that anyone of any color, any background, any race etc etc can do ANYTHING if there's a WILL. You have the power to change others by changing yourself. He proved it. He bridged that mental gap that many people had between one another all these years.


Many People, One Goal...
I'm not American, Australian, Sri Lankan or Indian, but I'm a World Citizen. I rejoice in the fact that I was part of such a phenomenal moment of history in the making. Yes I cried *again my drama genes didn't let me be* and I must confess I have the hots for Obama too *but that's not the reason why I cried, I was just too happy*! One other reason why I'd cry now is that this great man now has a great deal of shit to clean up! A global economic depression, a nation in crisis, fuel prices, climate change etc etc. Yes Mr.Handsome Obama has a massive trainwreck infront of him to clear! I just hope everything will go well with his leadership and that the world would start seeing the light with this brandnew leader's help and direction - and yes we all have to chip in to get there. He's the BEGINNING we all waited for and so many people died wishing for. All the very best to ya mate from Keshi in this lil corner of the world! *I also hope Kevin Rudd won't go selling lamb at the White house doorstep, cos looks like he's already planning for it desperately!*


My question to you: What does Obama's victory mean(/portray) to you (either in a personal sense or a global sense or both)?

You may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one...


Current Music: Imagine By John Lennon

101 'Keshi' Dalmatians!

I was all dressed up in the weekend but felt like a blockbuster idiot inside. So,

What do you do when you hit the blues?
What do you do when smiles are overdue?
What do you do when they walk all over you?
What do you do when you don't know what to do?

*Keshi puppy found a way, as always*

She picks up her blues
And paints them in pink hues
She does it with no clues
And her pain subdues *woof woof*



:) Thanks each and everyone for your honest and valued opinions in that last post! And thanks to Hemz for trying to make me feel better in his blog (now this post is for you to cheer up ok. Looks like we are on a Cheer-up Crusade for the next 5yrs or so? right!). It means alot for me to know what all of you think if my departure was to come. Now that I have made you feel comfy with it and made you realise what it would feel like, when I really do say Goodbye *some day*, I know you're not gonna be in shock...cos you almost felt it in my last post right? And I also got to know who truly cares about my presence here and poured their hearts out in that last post to let me know how they felt about it, who was concerned enough to email me and drop their emails for future contact, who cared enough to leave me secret comments asking what it was all about, who read it and chose to keep quiet, who thought that was just another attention-seeking post and left it at that etc. I have strong vibes...and I can sense things pretty quickly. Thanks All! Cos I only gained more wisdom and knowledge about one another through that post.


Now lets move on. Here are some pics of my recent avatars and how I have been feeling and coping lately. This Keshi puppy *aka Drama Biyatch* has come a very long way and would do anything to make herself feel better *even if it meant dressing up like a dork*. Take a good look at how this damsel has got hold of her blues and turned them all into pinks! A very graphic story of a very blue dog begins here....



It felt like a dagger in my head...

I thought I was Spiderwoman *rather Spiderpup* and tried to scare people off but it didn't work...


My eyeballs were in trauma watching how some people behaved...I couldn't even bite them shittt!





I cross-dressed *as a giraffe* trying to escape my Drama Biyatch world. You think it worked? yeah right!








Then I dressed up as a Clown but I couldn't find my funnybone at all *do I look funny? I think not!*...I look more like a psychotic clown!






I put on a colorful body-suit to kill my blues but I felt like the biggest idiot breathing on Earth *my facial expressions tell it all*....



Joined a Halloween group to go trick-or-treating in disguise and soon my zombied self was knocking on my own door *rolling eyes*...






Dated a hot-dog and tried to be his hot-biyatch but he left me for a hot-plate...






Painted my nails pink *did a mani-dog-o-cure*, dressed up like a beauty, and sat in the middle of the road and wanted to get noticed *yes I love attention!*...hmmm people just walked away... :*(


Went home and dressed up in YODA style *the cutting-edge Dogatella Versace look*...instantly felt like ripping my clothes off and burning them!


Put my Bikini on and tried to hit the beach to meet Cess...it rained madly and she wasn't there either:(, so I came home to sunbathe on my lonely couch while my bra is getting bigger! *life is a snarling bitch ya know*


Wanted to be Superwoman but it turned out I'm just a Superbitch *how limited are my canine choices people?*...



Went to the Hairdressers' and got some braids done...feeling sexy but God I look like a loser! *sobs*...


Whatever I did I realised that my ORIGINAL super-tanned-babe look is THE best *a lil overtanned, rather burnt, so what!*...MWAH Peace Out Pups! *with my sexy hair don't I look like the female version of Michael Jackson? I'm loving it! woof woof I'm bad I'm bad ya know I'm bad!*...









So here are some things that I learnt through my blue journey *as blue as a fucking smurf*...


People can say anything about you...
But it doesn't make you that
It only proves you're what they can't be.


People can try and stop you...
But only you can put a limit on your abilities
Don't let anyone handicap your potential.


People can hurt you and laugh at you...
But only you can retain your reputation
Don't react to people that are way below your standards.


People can affect your state of mind...
But only you can decide how you feel
Be your own comfort.


Don't live by what others say and do...
Live by what you believe is the truth
Be yourself no matter what.

Cess babez and Hemz, smile now...I put up the very cute dog-pic you made for me too :). This song is for all my blog-mates who cheered me up in the last post. THANKS ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE! You're my bed of roses for I sleep on a bed of thorns...you're my Heaven on Earth.






Current Music: Hard To Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

My Boarding Pass Awaits...

Warning: Long post ahead. Read before commenting please. Thanks!

Arrivals & Departures

I was dropping my aunt off at the airport on Saturday morning. As I parked my car and came back walking to the Departure terminal, I witnessed many people hugging, crying, saying their Goodbyes, and holding hands and wishing each other well before they separated. Yes, instantly my analytical mind saw a resemblance of Blogville right there! Blogville is like an Airport. There's Arrivals as well as Departures. People come, people go. Planes of friends land, and planes of friends take off too. Blogville is an airport of relationships from around the world...and short-term or long-term, people eventually leave...just like new ones come in. I realised that further after I came home from the Airport and read Goodbye posts from 3 friends that I have known in Blogville for some time. Needless to say I was in shock *3 in 1 day was too much for my ultra sensitive soul*, regardless of how prepared I thought I was. Nah I'm not saying they should keep blogging to satisfy my needs. Maybe they got bored with it all? Maybe something else happened that we don't know of. So yeah, I realised that I have no say in another person's decision. All I can do is wish them well and try to move on...


I Did It My Way ...
I should never expect anything from anyone right? Then why am I here? What am I doing pouring my heart out to the whole world? If no one should expect anything from anyone then what's the purpose in all of this? It seems some people have figured out my purpose here already....saying that I'm here in Blogville for a 'popularity contest', for wasting time, for scoring 100s of comments, for a publicity stunt yadda yadda yadda *yawwwwwn*. But I'm not going to prove to anyone why I'm here...cos I don't need to. As long as I know what I'm here for, that's all that matters. Everyone is different, it's a free world, we all have different purposes here in Blogville and I guess we should stop whinging about how others should blog and just get on with what we have to do. I started this blog out of boredom...if you roll right back to my first post in Oct 2004, you'll know I was only talking to the walls. As my profile reads, only the walls have effective listening power *no selfish judgements you see*. Slowly I heard human voices behind the walls, and they too wanted to communicate with me. I didn't mind. Rapidly the number of readers grew. Is that something wrong? I don't think so. After all, I value connections and the input that come from them. It makes me grow...it did. It's not something I chose as an objective for this blog but something that happened over time. I'm no longer that naive girl I used to be in 2004...my personality has grown alot since then. This experience is priceless. Who do I thank for that? YOU. All of you who made me learn so much from your posts, comments and continuous support here *but some left without notice, some proved to be enemies in friends' disguise, some loved me no matter what, some tried to break me up with others and ruined my r'ships with them, some chucked me outta their blogs overnight over a small dispute, and some are still here*. Good/bad/tears/smiles/love or hate I don't think I can even thank you enough, cos it all made me grow as a person. Nothing else could have given me such immeasurable wisdom and knowledge, and love too, all in one experience. That's a marvel that I found in Blogville. And some people tell me to go get a REAL life *some even emailed me asking me to stop blogging and some real close friends mocked me in Anonymous form*. If this is not real what is? Tell me. Illusions are real too...just as much as reality is an illusion. Whichever way, the Truth is in how you Feel. So what matters is how I felt/feel being in Blogville, and I feel great. To me, that is REAL. You can't touch the clouds but they are there right?

Much More Than A Personal Journey...
I arrived in Blogville as a concealed attraction...I bloomed into a flower that everyone saw...I hope I depart as a shimmering light in everyone's hearts. I'm not good with Goodbyes...what's so good about a Goodbye anyways? Right now all I can say is that Blogville is like an Airport...people come and people go. I just have to learn not to get too close to anyone here...cos it hurts alot when I'm at the Departure gates. And I don't know how not to care either...cos I do care though some people seem to label me as this and that *again, not my problem*. But I really am confused now...I don't know if I should continue to build relationships here and then continue to get hurt when people leave or when I decide to leave...I don't want to get affected this way but I don't know how to be stone-hearted either. People are moving on with their lives and like someone here told me, I'm gonna be standing here hurt and alone when everyone is gone. Is it too late for me now? I've been here for 4 long years and that means my blog and my blog friends mean something to me...they've become a part of my being and my life, as much I am to them...so this was not just a trip for myself...it has now become much more than that. So when I decide to leave I have to make sure that people who helped me grow are prepared for it as well. I don't wanna leave all of a sudden. That would be unfair by the people who spent their time and shared their sentiments with me for so long. So what was your arrival like and how has the journey being so far? And how do you handle it when friends leave Blogville? How would it affect you if I leave? And when it's your turn to board the plane how would you do it? What would be your next destination? Gimme your honest opinions please...I'm neither looking for praise nor pretense...just hit me with the truth. Cos I wanna go without feeling unloved and leaving anyone in shock or tears...


Current Music: My Way by Elvis Presely

It Was Tears That I Had Planned...

I used to plan my life
Then it all crashed down on me...
Now I live one day at a time
And tears just don't stop...
I'm not lonely yet I'm alone
I'm not sad yet my heart cries...
Yesterday will never return
Tomorrow I don't know...
Today as I look outside my window
Life looks back at me
Telling me a story...
Of someone who used to be
Someone who learnt to take her tears
And turn them into smiles

How could I have planned so much?

When my path was only made of tears...

Current Music: Plan On Forever by Sue Ann Carwell & Mervyn Warren