Um Ba Ba Bay

Just yakking here about my very tragic life. Guess what happened on Sat guys? Nah I wasn't in some terrible car accident and I'm not blogging from hospital with my whole body bandaged like a Mummy and my feet still wearing those sexy stilettos. Now hang ten till I tell you what happened. Well on Sat some friends came over to spend the whole day at my place. Since I live 10mins away from the beach, after lunch we all drove down to the beach...it was really nice weather and the beach looked sizzling HOT. So we walked along the shore on the water and that was really nice. I enjoyed it like a kid would (but then who said I'm not a kid ha). Now are you thinking some deranged Stingray got my foot or some cranky Crab bit my toe? Not at all, just wait a little bit more to hear what really happened ok. We were hanging out at the beach till about 9pm...cos the weather was awesome. And cos my mum, aunt (from NZ) and sis joined us only around 8pm. Anyways later on we were getting hungry and we headed home. On the way back my friend S brought up a very 'smart' idea - yeah the smartest ever. Since S and I are quite sensitive to Alcohol and won't take more than 2 drinks at a party, S thought that it would be fun to get heavily-drunk and see how we react to alot of alcohol - just for the heck of it you know. I was game for it cos I really wanted to test my alcohol-potential being the crazy dudette that I am. Ok I know it aint a joke but we were gonna do it only just this time and we are both adults and also there was no harm since we were gonna do it in the privacy of our home. So on the way back we bought a big bottle of pure Vodka (Petrovska). We headed home straight and drank glass after glass, 5/6 each, without much of a break in between (with Tonic and lemon ofcourse). What happened after that was an experience in HELL. Nah I didn't die cos if I did die this post should come from a PC in God's Drunk-Girls' Prison Office but this is coming from my office here in Sydney. So chill. I'll soon tell you what happened, just before I nearly died that is.

My mum had no idea we were having 5 glasses each - shhhhh don't tell her now. After the 5th round, S and I started giggling really uncontrollably. My mum and aunt thought we were going a little insane and that we need to be admitted into the nearest mental hospital if possible. But I assured my mum that we were ok...and that we were just laughing at some jokes. And then S went to the kitchen to have her dinner cos she was hungry. I followed her dancing a little bit and then she asked me to have dinner. I wasn't hungry so I didn't have any food (that was a big mistake - not having any food after so much alcohol). S had dinner and we were laughing all the while for no reason. I thought her shorts were funny (when they were not) and kept on pointing at them and laughing. She too laughed non-stop and then it was time for her to go home. So she left with her husband who didn't have any alcohol cos he was driving back that night. What a wonderful husband ha? But he's never seen both of us drunk like this before so he was pretty amused at our dorky behavior. Anyways as soon as they left I hit the bed in those same clothes I was wearing that evening ( I usually don't go to bed without taking a shower and changing). I wanted some real GOOD sleep straight away!

When I went to bed I was still feeling ok though - not sick or anything, just a little tipsy you know. However I woke up in the middle of the night - around 2am feeling like my head has been jig-saw-puzzled and various pieces of it were everywhere on air! Like my brain was near the Dressing-Table styling herself, the skull was floating above my face laughing at me, the grey matter have vanished into thin air, my hair was in some permanent electric shock etc etc. Yes it was that bad. My head was spinning as if it was in some cross country motor-racing competition. I was like WTH is happening to me and where the Hell am I? I was feeling so sick and my head was as heavy as a bus full of Sumo wrestlers and my Eyes seemed to be walking around the corridor singing Sha lala lala - not funny at all Eyes. My body was kind of floating in some distant place perhaps Madagascar. I didn't know what was going on cos I have never gone past 2 drinks before. This was really bad and I thought I'd die that night. I really did wonder if I was dead. Cos it felt like my whole body and mind was in various pieces now, and that I had to catch em all and put em together if I'm to be alive again. Now that would be quite a task ha, I'd rather be dead guys. I felt HORRIBLE. I wanted to vomit but I couldn't and that was even worse. I then wanted to go to the loo - you think I could get up? There was not a chance. For a moment I thought maybe I'll never walk again (I was picturing myself in a purple wheelchair), I was terrified. I somehow had to get my ass off the bed and go to the loo. Cos I could see my Bladder's grave before mine reading 'RIP Keshi's Bladder' - I was busting real bad. But I just couldn't get up! So I reluctantly slept a little bit more and then woke up again after about 20mins. Then I managed to touch the walls and go to the loo...I was swaying between left and right in the corridor as I walked into the toilet (it did feel like a nice dance to do at the next party to the song 'Sway' by Michael Buble). While in the toilet, I was thinking so hard why there was no TV. Bleh!

The next morning was HELL's HELL. I couldn't get out of bed at all...but thank God it was Sunday. Ah ah not so lucky girl...guess what, mum and sis had planned to take my aunt to a far away Buddhist temple and I had to go too. Damnnnit! It was so hard getting out of bed as I was feeling puking sick and I badly wanted to throw up. But I couldn't even bloody vomit. It was not happening for some reason. I then had black coffee and said a little prayer - something like 'God please let me vomit before I have to call a Help-Me-Vomit doc'. Well God was so mad at me He didn't answer my prayers at all. I had to take a quick shower (hoping I wouldnt' collapse in the shower) and go along with sis, mum and aunt to the temple feeling really sick...yes to the temple, like an alcoholic about to witness God's wrath. Mum blasted me knowing I had 5 drinks that night. I had to somehow tell her that we were on a mission to find out what happens when we are totally trashed and that I dont intend to do it ever again, cos I feel like I've been to HELL and back (though I wasn't so sure if I was back yet). She was like 'you better not do that sort of thing ever again Keshi - it's not a joke, you could have harmed yourself and you look like an idiot now...you bring a bad name to yourself' blah blah blah. I was like ok ok mum I'm not a baby and I know what I'm doing and it was ONLY for fun etc etc. In the car it was another kind of HELL altogether. Cos I was seated at the front while my sis drove. Mum and 2 of her sisters were at the back. And you think it's all a nice cosy lil happy family trip? awwww...you're dead-wrong cos they were yakking like crazy and that was driving me up Hell's thorny walls. I couldn't tell them to be quiet cos that would be rude. But they were some pretty noisy sisters man! All the way to the temple I had my head held low and thinking what a big mistake I made. S thanks for your terrific idea mate I felt like shit for 24 bloody hours, hope you're alive. And I heard S threw up in the car and collapsed in her toilet that night.

Question: Why do some people get addicted to alcohol when it's a sick monster?
Lesson: Keshi and Alcohol can never be consenting mates.
Next Mission: A Man. Any 'limits' that I should know of?

Um ba ba bay

Um ba ba bay

Dee day duh

Ee day duh... ... ...


Current Music: Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie