Askophobia

Facing The Demon

I know we all suffer from many phobias, from the fear of creepy-crawlies to crossing the road. Go here for a complete list of bizzare phobias (I suffer from alot of them, including the fear of Phobias itself which btw may not be in that list hehehe). Anyways the most annoying phobia that I have ever come across is the Fear of Asking and this post is about that fear. Is there a medical term for that, anyone? I'm not sure hence my own terminology for that is Askophobia. You may wonder what I meant by Askophobia. It's pretty self-descriptive but for those who don't understand it, it means not asking a question about something that bothers you in fear of hurting, provoking, annoying, losing or falling out with the other person. Some people are terrified of asking questions from their friends or colleagues or loved-ones just cos they don't want to rock the relationship they have with these people. I say that's being really ignorant and gutless. Ofcourse there is a WAY to ask any question..meaning in a polite and respectful manner. But Asking is the first step towards knowledge and overcoming any hidden misunderstandings. Miscommunication is a big mistake you may be making, and that may wreck the very relationship that you are trying to secure. Words unspoken, questions unasked, feelings untold can be as damaging to a relationship as much as any other reason out there can be. It's like this invisible weight on your relationship that will catch up with you one day and bury the bond for good.


Unveiling The Truth
There are people I know who get very upset whenever I ask them a straightforward question. So I can understand why some people have this Fear of Asking. Here's a real example: I had a very good friend in Blogville...she's a muslim. I once asked her a question about the Hijab...a simple question, something like 'why does a woman have to wear it and not the men?'. Now I respect all religions, beliefs, lifestyles etc as long as they don't harm anyone else. But there are questions that we need to ask each other in order to clear any doubts and make sense of one another - but that doesn't mean we are insulting each others' lifestyles and that doesn't also mean we have to kill each other just cos someone asked these type of questions. Am I wrong? So yeah, this question was one such innocent question. Well guess what...she took offense and wrote a very angry post on her blog and cut all ties with me HUH! I was gobsmacked. Mainly cos she was a good friend too and I believed she was a sensible one who wouldn't take things so personally. It was just a question, for seeking knowledge and understanding on something that I wasn't exposed to. That's all. I didn't mean to insult or upset her, I swear. Cos if I meant something else, I'd have been very rude to her. There was another similar incident between me and another friend...he and I were very good friends. But he has a terrible Ego problem...so like a good little friend, I asked him why he wouldn't put aside his temper and self-obsession atleast for a little while. Guess what...our friendship is no more! Well I can't help that can I. I believe good friends should be able to talk about such things, ask each other questions to clear their doubts, educate one another and still remain friends..what say guys?

Bridging The Gap

So why do people take offense like that? Maybe it's cos they don't have a sensible answer to give or maybe such questions traumatise their ego? Whatever it is that should not stop me from asking questions, should it? Will it generate a fear in me in future? No. As long as I know I'm not hurting anyone, I'm entitled to knowledge and freedom of speech...it's my right. And if the person who's being asked the question is smart enough to handle the question without taking it personally, that would benefit both of us. A good example of that would be a conversation that I had recently with a good friend here...he had a blog post about Sikh men wearing the turban etc...and I had a question about why wear it etc cos I really didn't know the reasons behind it. And I asked him those questions politely and he replied pretty smartly and politely too. i.o.w he didnt take it personally (although he's a Sikh himself) and he handled it pretty decently. No he didn't quit blogging and leave sobbing loudly calling Keshi a racist biyatch LOL! We both gained knowledge from that conversation and we are still good friends, stronger than before. So there you go. If you know what you're doing and you're true to yourself, there's always an answer, and a peaceful way to deal with any question.

So tell me, do you suffer from Askophobia? Have you ever lost a friend or a loved-one cos of you asking them (without being rude ofcourse) something that they didn't like to hear? Are you one of those people who get stroppy (easily offended) when your conscience is under fire? Share your stories please and be as honest as you can, thanks!

offtopic: My darling friend Mez (click this link to go there) is sporting a 'Crushes In Blogworld' post right now in her blog. (just informing you so that all the crushes on me will be declared over there for my heart's pleasure to read *bats her eyelashes*). So yeah go there and give Mizz.Mez some support with her post please, thanks! Besides, she says you can leave your 'crush' comments for your 'crushee' in Anonymous form. So there you go, have some fun while you can :). Pour your hearts out to the ones you have a crush on, for life is too short to put anything off. And hey have a good weekend guys!

Current Music: Don't Speak by No Doubt