A 'Perfect' Psycho!

Phewwwwww! After an instant 48hr FAME overdose in my last post, I feel like a black haired Britney on her way to rehab ***faiiiime! I'm gonna live forever!***. Anyways, in this post I'm about to reveal to you a deep dark secret that I've been living with for a very long time (well eversince I saw the face of this Earth that is). Now that you have all become quite close to me, I'm about to let that mean cat out of the bag. So are you ready to hear it? Ok make yourselves comfortable, pull up a pew if you must, or even have something ready to brace yourselves such as a pole ***dreams of pole-dancing***, or another humanbeing perhaps. I refuse to be held accountable for any unrecoverable damages that may occur to your brain after you read this. Ok here I go. (this first pic shows how 'Im screaming in sheer terror already, even before I have started to tell you the story. Mummmmmy I'm scared!!).

Guys, I'm dealing with a dangerous psychopath every single day of my life! Yes, I live with her and she tags along with me everywhere I go. She even eats and sleeps with me, and watches me when I shower. One of the many strange illnesses that she suffers from is possibly Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? (that's her in this pic questioning me everytime I do something slightly wrong, meaning when I'm being human!). She just cannot see anything out of place around her...she wants everything kept in it's place, where it belongs, even if it means killing a house-mate to get it done...or else she can't rest. She's the kind of perfectionist who is secretly scheming to color-code my wardrobe and even the fridge o nos! She follows me around like my shadow, omg she's beyond lethal to my psyche! She makes me clean the kitchen like a maniac every night and she wants it so neat and tidy anytime of the day...she's even prepared to demolish the entire kitchen if it ever gets a crack on the wall ***go figure!***. And she makes my bed every morning and showers with me while looking for anything out of place in the bath...yeah she's a nagging BIYATCH, tell me about it ***rolling eyes***. When I get out of the shower, if I wet the floor, she whinges like a granma-high-on-Hammeroid-cream and cleans it immediately after me. She follows me around every single second of the day! Are you scared yet? Don't be cos there's lots more to frighten the ribs out of ya ***pictures your ribs going on a mental vacation***. She stalks me around and when I get dressed, she pulls out the whole closet til I find the 'puuurfect' clothes for the day ***like a frenzied kitten high on Ice***. (this pic here shows how I once tried to hide from this maniac...I wigged and dressed like a granma, donned sunnies and crawled into a coffin pretending to be dead. Photo was taken by Bev who attended this event thinking it was my funeral ***rolling eyes***). Sometimes I miss my train, just cos she wants me to get the best clothes on ***get off my back you blue-in-the-face-maniac!***. And when I go to work, she's there smiling at me and watching me work...even my code has to be so perfect just cos the loco missy is strangling me with her presence urrrggg! And when I drive around, she makes me look like THE model driver on Earth ***gimme a break you Witchkitty of a hyped up accelerator!***. Recently I got stopped by cops on a random breath test...and this mental missy made me count 1 to 10 so sweetly like a neat little Miss.Just-Started-Kindy, my mum started laughing at me. Im sure the cop ROFLed on his way back too. (this pic shows how I'm trying to hide from that manic kitten of a stalking biyatch in my life). And when this frenzied perfectionist comes across a potential Boyfriend of Keshi, she makes sure his breath isn't a case out of the Guinness book of world records (being famous for Gingivitis etc)...she might even go to the extent of hiring a Periodontist to check his gums out! ***she'd even remove all his teeth if the need arises***. He's just gotta be pretty clean all over or else he'll be considered a tribal junkyard and thrown into her Memorial bin. This psycho is capable of spraying Mortein on a guy if he shows any symptoms of I'm-a-massive-pest-in-human-form disease. And when Keshi dances alone in her room to this music, this crack kitty tries to make Keshi look like Jennifer Beals at her best...no complaints about that one though! ;-)

And just this morning, this nutcase didn't allow me to leave home on time cos there was one little spoon in the sink, and she just had to make me wash it, dry it and leave it in it's usual place before I left, arrrrrrrrrrg! And now she's looking at me as if to say 'Wut BITCH?!'. (this is her in the pic looking like a druggy and getting me to do what she's crazy about - feeding her obsessions that is!). She's none other than me. I know I need a permanent shrink, make it a hunky, John-Abraham kinda 'purrrfect' shrink if you can please...that'll cure me for sure and make Kitty very happy too ;-).

Current Music: Maniac by Michael Sembello