Wednesday, February 23

My Father

My father was the fittest I have ever known and if you met him you would never have imagined that he would be sick...he was tall, strong and an abundance of energy. But it happened...one Staurday morning he was dead...yes cold as ice and as rigid as wood...he was gone. He was only 44yrs old. It was the darkest day of my life. I remember my mum trying to wake him up as I and my sister were standing next to his bed, our eyes eager to see him wake up...but he didn't wake up...by that time he was far away...flying with the angels...gone with a one-way ticket to heaven. I remember my mum collapsing...we were scared and crying as if the skies fell upon us...a neighbour came in...one by one many came in...but my dad wasn't waking up...someone called up the emergency and they took him away...that was the last time he slept in that bed, in our home...I was still hoping he would come back alive...I never thought he was dead...I thought he was in some coma and that he will come back all smiles telling us that it was just a micro-sleep...instead later in the evening he came in a coffin...I remember not being able to comprehend that he was actually no more...yep, he was gone, never to come back...just like that.

All I have now is his memory...I remember my father's beautiful grin...the dimples...the fair skin...the tall handsome guy that everyone used to admire...the smile that warmed many hearts...the hands that helped a thousands...the heart that was made of gold...the way he never said No to anyone who came in search of his help...the way everyone respected him...the times when he would come in his car to pick us up from school...the way he touched my shoulders every now and then...the way he used to encourage me to help people...the way he used to sit on the sofa between me and my sister and hugged us both with his strong arms...the way he used to sing with his beautiful deep voice...his signature...the way he used to be so proud of me when I did well in exams...the way he used to attend every Prize Giving in school, sit there and clap not only when I got on stage but for every other prize winner...the beautiful dresses he bought me on my bdays...when he used to laugh aloud...how we used to watch war movies together...how he admired Clint Eastwood and Sean Connery...how he used to take our dog for a drive in his car...times when he used to go ballistic with mum...the way he drove me to my friends' bday parties...the way he asked what's for dinner...how he combed his hair...the way he beamed at me when I came home from school...how he always looked good...his fav Crocodile t-shrits...how he chilled with his friends over a beer or two...how he always wanted to know what we did and if everything was ok...his love for good music...times he played cricket with us...how he used to bring yummy take-away especially for my mum...the way he really enjoyed life no matter what till his last day on Earth...the way he used to be there...just be there...what happened to you that night?

31 Cranium Signets:

word_smith said...

keshi;
i know i have no tight to intrude in private grief;and it is a cliched phrase;but you DO have to get on with life;dont you?

memories will always be there;and they will always haunt you from time to time.but may be that is not so bad a thing after all;for the memories are all that we have left of the ones who have left..........
but then you do not cling to memories;even very private and very personal memories;let them be as sweet as they are;for that,after all is all they are;memorie,just memories.fragments of ether;or whiffs of the untouchable.they represent a precious commodity;they represent people we have loved;they represent events we would like ro relive;but the past can not be revisited to provide anything but grief;and that is a caller nobody would like in his or her home.

so;you just have to live in the present day;and forget the past and be the brave girl you would like yourself to be.
best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Remember this kesh ...that our
loved ones are with us always, that love conquers all boundaries...

Janice said...

Yeah Keshi u know on this part i can actually relate to u cause i 2 lost my dad an he was 46 i mean there is confusion, insecurity about ur future an most of all i guess regret of not having spent enough time with him....

Janice said...

hey an dont be hard on sabby yaar we were just kiddin actually its a story from the Chicken soup a real nice book if u ever read it...the story is really touching one an sabby just goofs around ...forgive an forget.... its the lenten season

Anonymous said...

the most sad part after the bereavement are the questions that arise in ur mind...
if u could have been more nicer to ur loved one.. if u havent been rude "that" day..if u could have made him smile more ..if u could have never ever been angry to him..if u could have done everything possible for ur loved one..

these questions still haunt me ..
so i like to say ..be nice to ur parents for they r everything ..they brought u up .took so much trouble..even would die for u and also "grand parents" ..what they live for? atleast we have reason to live(our ambitions etc)..they r old ..just like to see grand children smile and happy ..so give out love to them..remember "parents , grand parents , siblings , cousins , friends"--these r the people who u can always abide by..give them heaps of love ..

And , this for kesh ...

Weep not for me
now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories, our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together
and being anew.
For I am not really gone,
I am closer than ever before.
As the morning sun rises
and throughout the busy day...I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon
and we watch the day turn into night...I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night."
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.
I am the wind in the trees
and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky
and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew
and freshly-fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead
and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger's face
a gentle touch
a warm embrace.
Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know...I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul...You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.

firacub said...

Hi Keshu,
Hey cheerup mate. My straightforwardness makes it very difficult to comment on such posts. Memories is all that we are left with when the people we love are no longer with us. For me they are always here cos whenever I look into my heart I find them there. So look into your heart Keshu, you will find your dad there.. always.. And since your dad is always there with you so why feel so low. Thats how I consolidate myself. I hope it works for you as well. Apart from that this is perhaps your only post where you have used the smallest font, which tells me that its something thats very personal and hidden deep within your core. So be happy and live life with a smile cos thats what your father would have wished for you.
May his soul rest in peace.. Amen.


Peace,
Firacub.

Dewdrop said...

Dear Keshi,
In life as in death, there is a strange irony. People, when they are away, seem very distant and tend to dim from memory. But there are a few special people who remain ever present, no matter what the distance. Whether it is through their deeds, their actions, their words, their children, doesn’t really matter. Your father is one such man.

I pay my respects to your dad. Even though he may have had an unfortunate death, one thing he was very fortunate about was to have a wonderful daughter like you. I admire your Mother who brought up two kids on her own and did such a good job.

And through you and your sister, your father lives...

Keshi said...

Guysssss! I was down to tears when I read all your comments...wow, you guys showed me how much solace and love people I never really met could give you! I'm overwhelmed by all of you...thanks very much!

Deip I adore the way you defined memories as a precious commodity...I really value that description of it, it will always remain in my heart.

Janice I'm so sorry about your dad...I can feel your pain...it's not fair is it, but it happens often...children who love their fathers often don't get to live a full life with them...and you look around, you see so many children hating their parents all their lives, not knowing the value of them...

2 anonymous commentors, I don't know who you are but you really really touched my heart with your caring words for me...I will cherish that poem always, thanks!

Fira heyy I know what you mean, he lives in my heart always and I will always do justice to his soul...never astray...always focused and doing good to others...he wanted us to be that way.

Dewdyyyy muaaah! Thanks so much for that touching tribute to my dad...you are one-in-a-million kind of girl, I always knew that Dewdy. Well yes my mum went thorugh alot bringing us up to where we are today, I owe my life to her...it isn't easy being a widow with 2 girls...

Saby I know you do feel sad for me...it's ok. But this post was not to gain sympathy...I wanted to say something about my father, which I always kept in my heart...that gloomy morning when time froze forever...I could never talk about it with anyone in real, no one wanted to because it was too miserable a topic...but after writing this post I feel as if I put it all off my chest...and I feel glad that so many of you know how I feel...THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

O Keshi My Kehi,

Why is it all that I had been reading lately always like 'calamity se calamity tak' with me? has it got anything to do with the fact that I write verse? thats a professional hazard they never told me about. All I want you is to be happy and never to panic.

I hope someday we can play 'devdaas devdaas' casting me, yourself and Jude Law where upi get to be paro in bandini( n no doubt a very frozen bottom), I gets to sing 'maar dala' and Jude get to lie in the pool with an empty bottle in his hand roflmao. Tell me if i promise to dance dola re with you, would u promise to come die amidst a heartending drift of red flowers? hehe down under? lol

u know who!

Anonymous said...

BTW keshi, who is word smith? Is he hot?

saby said...

i hate word smiths and guys who play wid words....

yeah, i guess i hate me too

Keshi said...

LOL anna u kashmiran hotty! Jude Law of course will have to drink to death because he got hooked with u...duhhh...if he saw me he would have lived...LOL!

btw Deip is a hot hunk...lol..he's a great writer...check his blog when u have time.

Keshi.

De.vile said...

im bad with words when it comes to condolences. but if my silence could speak i hope it comforts...even a little would do.

Caraf said...

Kesh, how lucky you are to have known such a person.

Anonymous said...

awww Keshi, my sweetness

Evil each hour for me that which yields no trace of your words your voice and you to me. Accursed is each breath each spanworth of space
that sunders my soul from
tranquillity. Each day i would fain this strange world embrace,
it holds you somewhere in its immensity.

However, the word is always wise and smith isn't smitten...yet.

The rather glamrous Kashmiran :-p

Anonymous said...

Hey Keshi,
You honored all of us by sharing your most traumatic phase of your life.
I believe, not many people have courage to share their sorrows and feelings with others. They keep it to themselves all the times. It evidently shows that you are a brave girl.
I remember the lines what my grand mother used to say, Sorrow get reduces when you share it with others. There are certain things in life, which are beyond our control.
Sometime we can’t help it but to live with our destiny. So don’t miss any opportunity to
laugh and having fun. Enjoy your life. Good Luck.

Some lines for you, which might heal your pain a bit

All is Well

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name; speak to me in the easy way, which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, and pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.

All is well.

May your dad soul rest in peace.

May God bless you and your family. Amen.

EB

Keshi said...

chikka...thanks, I can feel you sharing my pain...you are one amazing girl and for having met you, I must be very lucky.

Caraf I know...I'm so glad that he is my father...looking at so many other fathers who don't love or lookafter their children, I consider myself very lucky to be his daughter...I only wish he stuck around longer so we could have had more precious moments together...that I had a chance to lookafter him like he looked after me...

Anna...I'll tell Deip that you have a crush on him even without seeing him btw, and that you first met him throguh my dad's post :) Rather glamorous blah blha blah LOL!

EB you Buddy? wowww! I'm so glad you left a comment in my blog - WC to mah bloggy! Hugggggz!! I'm a very expressive person buds...hence I tell what I feel - I never hide...I'm honored that you feel my pain too...you wouldn't believe it I cried when I read that poem from ya...it is beautiful and gave me the goose bumps. Thankssss so much for those words, I will treasure them forever...

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Keshi,

before you ask him, just wanna tell you that I am not looking for a full time guy. Well, I have a full time JOB loll

cashmerun

Anonymous said...

muahh saby, you are such a sweet incredible darling.

Truth be told KESHI, I just read all that you have written about your Father. I have to go for now but know this..

Have read it all, will write
the roads beacon, you sleep tight

kashmiran :-)

Keshi said...

Anna darling, thank you :) I know you have read it and I know you care...I like the way you write...it also reminds me that Anna = Stud...lol!

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

huh, aint talking to ya, keshi

your friend
kashmiran

Kaps said...

Keshi,

Its really sad to know about your father.

It hurts for a long time when someone you love so much leaves you all of a sudden, leaving a void that can't be filled.

Your dad would always live in your memories, in your dreams, and you'd cherish whatever time you spent with him.

I hope your dad would always be with you, and you'd cherish his sweet memories for a long long time to come.

Amen.

Keshi said...

heyy wc to mah blog Kaps n thanks so much for ur very sweet words...it really helps to know that people I never care so much...

Keshi.

Ashes said...

I'm sorry.

Death however is not the end.It's all a cycle.There are no absolutes,death no exception.He lives Keshi..your dad still lives.

Anonymous said...

Saw ur article on the father thing.u may want to check out some quotations on death that i compiled from various literatures at www.webspawner.com/users/rock129us
any comments on those quotations,if u like any,can be posted to the email id given on that webpage.

word_smith said...

hey;who is this kashmiran?some hot chikka from kashmir?kidding;lol.
(rather severely)u gave the wrong advice.if she visits my blog;she will be scared off for ever and ever.........................and not again :))
lol;was nice talking to u after that long a time.

Keshi said...

Hey Ash thanks for that...I know the soul dus live forever but not having him close to me like he used to be hurts...we will neva be like that again na?

Thanks anonymous commentor...I will check ur site soon.

Deipsss...hehe Kashmiran is one of my hott friends...yup she's a hotty :) Come on IT n I will intro her to u...yup it was grt talkin to u after a long time last nite :)

Huggz all!
Keshi.

adorable said...

may god give u strength n a place in heaven for ur dad

u r 1 brave gal ..n smart ...

Keshi said...

thanks ado for visitng my blog...great to see u here :)

and thanks so much for ur wishes too...

Hugggz
Keshi.

Anonymous said...

this deeply moved me Keshi -
and odd -
i just clicked randomly on
a link -
my dad is very very ill -
has been for many years and
he is my favorite person on this
earth -
i loved reading this and it has
inspired me to write a post...

i have "moved" Keshi - but i am
trying to keep the location a
bit of secret for a bit...
just to collect myself so to
speak:)

:) hugs - i hope this links to
my new site:)

starry nights said...

Dear Keshi.. nobody can take the place of your father.I lost my parents when they were young also.Nothing anyone says can ease the pain you still feel.I have learnt that the only way to deal with this is by thinking of the good times you had with your dad and by holding on to those special memories you have of him.A big Hugggggggz to you Keshi.Be brave and strong.