Thursday, April 30

The Storybook You vs The Real You

In My Imagination...
Have you ever done something that is quite the opposite of what you believed you would do? I have. I'm sure most people would have done something totally different to what they imagined. How many times would you have advised a friend when they needed some guidance, but failed to follow the same advice when you were in their shoes? We all say or believe that we are so and so, but often do the contrary. We say one thing, but we behave in a totally different manner when we are being put through the real test of life. Here are some random examples:

*You do a tag in your blog that requires you to answer the question 'What are the best qualities about you?'. And you say something like 'I'm very forgiving, I have a big heart etc'. Now imagine in real life you have a tiff with one of your mates. And now you can't seem to forgive or find yourself keeping that anger in you for months and months, vowing yourself never to speak to that person again, dismissing their presence and attemtps to patch up with you. Suddenly your so-called big heart is nowhere to be found. So what exactly are you doing now? The exact contrary of what you claimed yourself to be. *think about it, who you believe you are is not always who you are*

*You may claim you love your parents alot, but when your mum asks you how your day was, you say 'I'm tired mum' and you just go into your room, turn your PC on and chat with your net friends, while your mum sits alone outside and watches TV. If you really love someone, then you wouldn't take them for granted. So you said one thing about loving someone, but you are doing something totally different when it comes to acting upon those words. *careful, what you say is not what you always carry out*

*Let's say you are someone who hate being rejected and that you believe in treating everyone with respect. But imagine that you continuously reject a person for some reason. You think you are way too cool to associate this person and you disregard them intentionally...or you act as if they don't exist. So what are you doing now? Quite the opposite of how you want to be treated or what you claim your values are. *watch out, how you like to be treated is not how you always treat others*

*How about terrorists? They say they want freedom, independence etc etc. But when they are out on a deadly mission, they are robbing innocent people of that same freedom and their lives too. So they believe in one thing but do the contrary. *update your memory, what you want from life is not what you always give out to others*

*Imagine at some stage you believed that you are hopeless, or that you were not as great as some others were. But now you see those same people you thought so high of behaving in ways that you'd not have even imagined. After all, you're not as bad as you thought you were. Infact, you are way better than those very people that you so admired. *beware, what you see is not what you always get*

A Candy House...
I'm not saying that we should all aim at being Saints...we can't. We are human and we are prone to making mistakes, we are prone to saying one thing but sometimes doing a different thing altogether. But, what we have to keep in mind is that who we believe we are and who we really are, are 2 different things. It would be good if they're both the same thing, but only very few people are like that...only a handful of people in this world really stick to their words, values and beliefs when it comes to their actions too. And only a very few people admit it when they screw up. The rest are living in denial. Trust me I have come across enough people like that in my life to write this post in total confidence.

Paper Flowers...
The best person to ask who you really are in comparison to what you believe you are, is not yourself. Ask a friend you have judged, ask your family, ask a total stranger you just met, ask someone you hurt intentionally, go back to your diary or tag-posts and read what you wrote about yourself...all those beautiful things about you. Ask anyone but yourself. Cos we always believe we are clean but we are very quick to judge others. Sadly, what you prefer to be is not always what you are to others. It's great to have a set of values and claim that you follow those values in real, but if others around you don't see your actions matching your words, then it's high time to wake up to the real you. Living inside a Storybook can take it's toll on Reality some day in your life. btw this post is not just for the readers, it's also for me...yes I admit I have strayed and hurt people too, much to my surprise, but atleast I admit it. At the same time, I have come across people who have shocked me and have totally contradicted what they claimed to be. In a way it's a blessing to know who they really are, so that I don't look upto such people again or live in the false hope of them ever proving me wrong. The one kind of people I cannot stand are hypocrites. It also makes me realise I'm way better than some self-proclaimed saints, philosophers, professors and beauties who take others for a ride and live oblivious to the fact they are really fooling themselves.

Living The Story...
Do you practise what you preach? Do you treat others the way you wanted to be treated? You may believe you're at the mountain peak but the real you could be somewhere at the very bottom, lagging behind. It could also be the other way may see yourself as someone way behind compared to others, but you could infact be someone right at the top and ahead of others. The Storybook You and the Real You need to be reconciled...then you'd know yourself well enough not to fool yourself. Who we really are does not live in our academic qualifications or our certificates or our job titles or our assets...who we really are live in those small gestures, those simple deeds and those things that we say and do to others in our day to day lives. Are you really who you believe you are?

Current Music: Imaginary by Evanescence

Tuesday, April 28

After The Aphrodisia...

From Sexy...
I was at a friend's birthday party on Sat night. It was celebrated at a popular night-club in the City, by the harbourside. So we all glammed up *I wore THE lil black cocktail dress*, I looked and felt like a doll. We drove to the City, had an exotic Japanese dinner *that left me starving due to the rather poor quantity served in so called gourmet restaurants, at a price that can almost buy you food for the whole year!* And then we arrived at the night-club at around 10:30pm *yes that's when night-life starts to warm up on a Sat night*. The highlight of that night: THE SECURITY AT THE ENTRANCE ASKED FOR MY ID TO PROVE MY AGE! *woot woot*They didn't ask my 2 other friends' IDs but just mine and another friend's only. Being thought of as an under-18, at this somewhat 'prehistoric' age of mine *lol* is such a compliment you see :). There was a massive crowd inside already since it was also ANZAC Day on Sat here in Aus, and hey the DJ was a hoot! Absoloutely great music with a great spin of old and new songs, that got us in the dance mood and made us all enjoy the night to the fullest.

I don't do Clubbing all that much. If there's a party that I'm invited to, or if friends ask me to join them once in a while, I go. If not, Clubbing is not my thing. It's an occasional escape that I don't mind indulging in's a temporary getaway from my own world that does give some relaxation of a different kind. Even during my Uni days, when all my mates went out clubbing, I was at home listening to Beatles *told ya I was a nerd*. But on that rare occasion when I do hit a club, women in sultry outfits, men having a good time, everyone shaking their booties to hot dance numbers, cheeky glances from total strangers, Vodka and orange making me forget the blues *atleast for a good couple of hours* does feel like it's not a bad thing at all, for a change that is. After all, everything in life is temporary...but with lasting effects. *some with dementing effects!*

So on that night, we were all having a good time, sipping our drinks, chatting, observing, dancing, going back for another round of drinks etc *although I don't drink much cos my rather sensitive system usually goes super tipsy at drink #4*. I stopped at drink #2 that night just so that I don't end up with a deadly headache and a violent puking session that might cost me my carpet! I'm quite a sensible girl when it comes to drinking *read about the one time I tested my max drinking capabilities here, that almost had me shaking hands with Freddie Mercury, in heaven ofcourse!*.

That night, a cute Greek guy came over to us, started a casual convo about work etc and wanted to MARRY me that night itself...what a dumbass. *At this stage I was picturing a big fat Greek wedding with countless Greek delicacies that made me gain weight in a split second and split my wedding dress into 2 halves, infront of all the guests making me feel like Big Momma in a huge Greek tragedy of Baklavas!* The guy was just having some harmless fun, and we girls were laughing away at his silly suggestion. His reason for that rather 'notorious' proposal was he wanted us to become millionaires overnight, with the IT and Finance skills that we both possessed. Yeah right mate, you don't know who Keshi is...both Marriage and Money are boring 'suggestions' to her you doofus! Suggest something else please and I will consider ok? *btw I hope you meet either Jennifer Aniston or Paris Hiltion some day soon!*. Anyways, he was good company and had us all entertained for a little while, and then he bid goodbye and disappeared into a crowd of scantily clad women and blurry-eyed men.

To Trainwreck!
At 2:00am we remembered that there was something called 'home' waiting for us to return, so we hit the road. The next morning, I woke up with a hangover as big as Africa, and as annoying as Perez Hilton times 2! I woke up at 10am and walked around the kitchen feeling like a zombie that had no idea where the coffee head was hurting, my eyes were red due to lack of sleep *trust me I value my beauty sleep!*, my face was flushed and my skin felt hot. Although I only had 2 drinks that night, partying til 2am and loud music had taken the toll on my poor sensitive system. I looked and felt like a trainwreck. I wasnt pretty or sexy was a rather rehab-requiring sight of me lol! Imagine what would happen to people who go out clubbing and drinking every night or so? *there are heaps of people who love the night-life and do it on a regular basis*. I don't know how they do it, seriously!

Like most things in life are, the goodness, the fun and the ecstasy of that night was gone the next morning. All I was left with now was a hangover that made me feel like I was gonna die any minute *I was imagining my funeral and I wanted to glam up for that too!*. My makeup was gone, my hair now looked like a bird's nest, my head was spinning like a washing machine, loud music and dancing was the last thing on my mind, my body was burning as if to catch fire, my pretty black dress was in the laundry, waiting to get it's 'vigor' back. So, I made myself some toast and black coffee, sat infront of my PC but couldn't move a finger! I think I was pushing myself to do usual things that I wasn't capable of doing that morning...I badly wanted myself back again...just like how the black dress waited to get it's life again. I thought to myself then, maybe I should hit the Laundry there a human laundry? LOL! Moral of the story: After every experience in life, comes the real effects of those experiences. The quality of something that you do today, is often felt tomorrow. Though I enjoyed the party and we made happy memories that night, the effects of alcohol, late night, loud music, the huge crowd etc wasn't all that great on my body and soul. And if I am someone who did Clubbing every night *depriving me of my sleep and health*, no Security will ask for my ID ever again! *yeah I will age overnight and the only thing they might ask me is if I needed a doctors' appointment and that I've come to the wrong place!*

The hangover in the morning was nothing like the ecstasy the night before. What at first sight looks glam, gloss and exciting may prove to leave you with 'punishing effects later on. Now that doesn't mean that all people who go to such places think the same way as I do or have the same effects as me, or that I stop going to such places either...cos I believe you have to be in all kinds of places with all kinds of people to know what's out there. I've been on both sides to know the difference, and I've worked out that different people find different 'avenues' to forget their blues, to unwind, to have fun, to 'live'. And just because those avenues are different to mine, it doesn't mean I'm right and they are wrong. To each his own. This post is just my opinion about clubbing.

After the Aphrodisia comes body-aches, dark circles and a whole lot of 'baggage'! Any comments?

Current Music: Buttons by Pussycat Dolls
Current Music Update: Be My Lover by La Bouche

Thursday, April 23

Silhouettes Of You...

I remember...I remember more than I've witnessed. I've witnessed...I've witnessed more than I can remember.

I'd like to forget...I'd like to forget more than I can erase. I've erased...I've erased more than I'd like to forget.

We humans have very short memories. We tend to forget very quickly. As much as we cared about the September 11th, Mumbai Attacks and the Tsunami and it's victims back then, we hardly talk about it anymore. Cos we have moved on. Cos we have new things in our lives to remember or worry about. It's human nature. But how about that certain someone who was there for you when no one was around? What about the first friend you made online? Do you still remember a kind deed by a total stranger? What about your granma? Do you remember how she made you your favorite food? Do you still have fond memories of your first story book? Do you still think about the people you once wanted in your life but don't want anymore? How about your first day at work or Uni? Do you remember how you felt? Or have you under the notion of 'moving on', totally forgotten those simple yet important people, moments, events, experiences, things that made you the person that you are today? Have you really forgotten them or do you prefer to live in denial? Sometimes all we want to do is as high as we can, forgetting fast who we used to be and those who once contributed to our existence. But soon we know we have to hit the ground and memories crash down on you.

I've covered a distance...I've covered a distance more than I could measure. I've measured...I've measured a distance more than I could cover.

Do you remember? I do now...I remember me and us, I remember the sweet moments, the bitter ones, the guitar my father bought me when I was 5, the helping hand, the excitement when I bought my first car, the kind words, my granma's cakes, an old pair of purple shorts that I loved, that flight alone to Singapore when a stewardess gave me tissues cos I was crying, those giggles back in school, the tight slap, the precious vase that I accidentally dropped, my childhood smile, that argument, the truth, the lies, that long drive in the rain, those careless locks across my childhood friend's forehead, the $100 bill in my wallet, my granpa teasing me, when there was no money in my pocket to share, the times when someone was there for me, the times when no one was around, the long walk home after my dad was cremated, the stab in my heart, how I was given a NO, how he left, how I crumbled, how I stood up again, how I worked hard for that YES, my teenage tantrums, the thrill of receiving a prize from the President of SL, how I used to iron my school uniform every night, how I hate irons now, the sun on my face, how I waited for the tooth-fairy to give me a new tooth, the sound of the waves on the day he left, how I once screamed in anger, the pretty Lotus flowers in the temple, when I moved houses, those new shoes, the old ones in the bin, that kiss, how I accidentally ran infront of a speeding bus while my mum watched in horror, the touch of your cheeks, the smell of Gardenias from my aunt's garden, a beautiful spirit who was a total stranger, the cowards, the heros, the tragedy, the it all made me who I am. I will take with me all the people, pieces and the lessons. I will never forget where I started. Yes I remember you.

So what do you remember now from what you thought you had forgotten?

Current Music: Sorrento Moon (I remember) by Tina Arena

Monday, April 20

I've Been Over The Rainbow...

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby...
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true...

The Rainbow In My Storm...
There is a new 'certain someone' in my life. I don't know how or why she loves me so much *we'll get to that later on* but she has made it a point to visit me every single day, and it seems to be her top priority at the moment. Her name is Snuggles and she is owned by the manager of a different Company that is located some floors above our office floor. We are new to this building but eversince we came here, this little puggy princess spotted me, and now she just cannot stop visiting me! This is how her 'visiting schedule' is at the moment:

10:30am: *scratch scratch!* on our office door...

Someone opens the door...

Snuggles runs straight in, and comes straight to my cubicle
*passing all the handsome hunks* ...

Snuggles sits under my desk or next to me and stares at me for a good couple of minutes...

She talks to me in her own pugyy-n-puppy lingo and facial expressions...

She hangs around me *while I work* for as long as she wants to *max she's done so far is 30mins*...

And she realises she's come to the end of her daily 'Keshi' visit, and asks me to take her to the door...

I open the door for her, and she so wisely takes the Stairs, as the Elevator would be a lil confusing to her *cos she's not tall enough to select her floor number!* ...and off she goes back to her floor quite content, having received some stranger's LOVE for the day...

So much lov
e! From such a tiny thing who can't even talk or think as much as we humans can. The sweet gesture from Snuggles has now made me look forward to coming to work even more than before :). Snuggles has touched me deeply just as much as the lost dog who came to our house one day (remember Dolly from this post: Fruits Of Kindness). Even some humans don't know how to express needn't be in large scale or in the form of grand presents. Love is as simple a gesture as Snuggles paying me a visit to say Hello. Snuggles don't know who I am, where I come from, what I do, what kind of person I am but she knows one thing about me...that I reciprocated the love and kindness she has in her...that's how Love need to give love, to get love. And Snuggles knows just how to do that. Snuggles taught me that you can be the rainbow in someone else's stormy life, even if it's just for 2mins....

Tears Can Usher You To Rainbows...
And now for those who has an interest in and asked me about Baby Dee (recap A Life Less Ordinary), well I received a letter from him just last week! It was the most beautiful letter from a kid that I have ever read. It touched me and made me realise how much joy we are all capable of giving to a total stranger who lives thousands of miles away and have never seen each other. He said he lives in a distant 'village' in SL, and his house is close to a beautiful river...he also stated that his house has 1 room and that he loves his mum and dad alot. The latter part of the letter comprised of gratitude for sponsoring him as my child, but I really wish he didn't write that...only cos I don't want to feel like I'm 'helping' him..I just want to do this just cos I can, and cos 'giving' is inherent in every humanbeing and I don't wish to do that expecting praise from anyone let alone a child. The ability to give is not something that's just in me only. It's in everyone. Anyways, I forgive him for saying that cos he's only a lil baby :). So, my weekend was spent shopping for few pressies for Baby Dee...I got him some stationary (crayons, pencils, sticker books, books etc) for him to use at school, and multi-colored balls *cos he likes playing with balls*. In this process, I realised that someone else is fast becoming a huge fan of Baby Dee and was giving me so many ideas on what to buy for him etc. Guess who that is? My mum ofcourse! :) I think she's very fond of him too and has become my greatest supporter in this humble journey. I also got him a beautiful card to write something back to him and will be sending it all later on this week. I hope he gets 'immense' joy out of the 'small' gifts that I'm sending him, cos every child in the world deserves to experience joy, not sorrow, no matter 'where or what' they were born into. There would be one less 'color' in the rainbow of your soul, if you can't feel a child's sorrow...

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow...
Why, oh, why can't I?

ps: This is one of my fav songs. Listen to this version of it and watch this video, it's amazing...brings your spirit to life. Thanks Buddhika *if you read this post some day* for finding this beautiful video for me!

Current Music: Somewhere Over The Rainbow by the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Friday, April 17

The Mind That Matters...

WARNING: Please be respectful towards Ani Lhosang Dolma in your comments. Also, the latter part of this post ('An Epiphany' paragraph) may be distressing to some readers.

Do you believe that whatever is inscripted in your mind by birth will somehow take shape some day? I do. As a Buddhist, I believe in Karma, Aatma, Rebirth and Moksha. In our lifelong quest for knowledge, spirituality and eternal peace some of us believe that we are in control of ourselves and our lives. Partly we may be, but I believe we are given an etched path to walk on, and we somehow have to walk it whether we like it or not. Hence the vast diversity of different life experiences by us all humanbeings. Here's a story to prove that childhood visions/dreams may well be what you'll end up being some day...the path you have been given is what you'll end up walking somehow. This story is about a beautiful Nepali model (Kohinoor Singh, now Ani Lhosang Dolma) who turned into a monk . Some of you may have read this story before. The most interesting aspect of her story is that it was a childhood revelation planted in her mind (eversince she encountered a female-monk, demonstrating a calm and peaceful outlook) that revisited her later on in life, as her ultimate destination. And though this little girl grew up, forgot about that childhood vision and became a hot and popular model, that same vision came back to her not much later on and made a complete change in her life. Isn't that amazing! Doesn't that say that what you 'realised' as a kid can remain with you forever and some day materialise to be the reality of you? (the above 2 pics are of Kohinoor Singh, one when she was a model and the other after she became a monk).

Think about something that inspired you tremendously when you were a child...think about something that stuck with you for years and years, well after witnessing it (good/bad)...think about something that left a lasting impression on you and made you feel like that that's what you want to become or want from life some day. Even if you haven't 'implemented' it yet, maybe that vision is still in you somewhere, deep down your slumbering psyche, waiting to be awakened when the right cue is met? Here's something that shook me, pierced my developing belief-system and reigned my entire life after witnessing it so many years ago from now:

An Epiphany...
I was walking with my mum and dad down a hospital aisle. We were visiting a patient (a friend of my parents). I was barely 7. We had to walk past the Cancer ward to get to where our friend was. My parents were in front of me and I was tagging along behind them, looking at all the patients with my curious eyes (maybe that was my first conscious-visit to a hospital). As a child, I was very observant and didn't wanna miss a thing. Suddenly my eyes caught a female patient of about 50yrs of age lying on a bed...waist-down her body was left partly naked (for treatment I suppose). She had her legs spread open and she seemed to be in ALOT of pain...her facial expressions read Suffering & Death. I looked straight at her and I saw a huge cavity-like wound (as large as her entire abdominal area!). She basically didn't have any flesh between her was one big hole of blood and pus! I was in shock. I know no child should have been allowed to walk past that area, but it happened somehow. I saw it all. Apparently she was a Rectal cancer patient (I later found out cos I asked my dad why she was in so much pain and looked so different compared to other patients). My dad was a man who never obscured anything about life from us...he told us everything as it is. I remember going home and thinking about that woman for days, weeks and months...and then years. The trauma has worn off but the reality of our bodies hit me hard. Just then something surfaced to the top of my very young mind...something that had woken up after it met it's trigger.

Somehow I can't seem to erase that sight from my mind...and the thought that was born with it. And that thought is what a load of rubbish our bodies are...flesh decays and the body rots. Longing, suffering and death cannot be avoided by any humanbeing. The sight of that patient was a true testament to the temporary nature of our bodies and lives. We can conquer all of that by meditation. We can separate the body from the mind. But developing our minds to the highest point (still point) is not an easy task but I'm sure is the most peaceful state to be. The Bhikkus always intrigued me and being a part of the lay community, I always looked up to Bana (Dhamma preachings) from the monks during Buddhist events, both at home and outside. Even now whenever I go to a temple, I feel at home and at my best naturally. Since I grew up in a Buddhist environment, I always saw the temple and meditation as my ultimate peace in life. Is it a vision of my future just like it was for Kohinoor Singh? *can you visualise me with a shaved-head and in yellow robes some day? :):)* I know my mum won't be very happy if she read this post! Right now I'm VERY far from what it requires to achieve such a state of mind...but I know this inscription is within me. Share your stories, visions and thoughts please, thanks. And have a 'blissful' weekend too!

Buddham Saranam Gacchami
I take refuge in Buddha
Dhammam Saranam Gacchami
I take refuge in Dharma
Sangham Saranam Gacchami
I take refuge in Sangha... ...

Current Music: Buddham Saranam Gacchami
(A buddhist song sung by the late muslim SL singer Mohideen Baig)

Thursday, April 16

The Hollow Tree

Full Of Empty
Man gets an education, an executive position, a suit and a briefcase. And he thinks he knows everything. But without LOVE there's no DEPTH in you...just like a hollow tree full of EMPTY.

Education doesn't always mean SENSIBILITY. Age doesn't always mean MATURITY. Your career status doesn't always mean CONSCIOUSNESS. How many times in our lives have we met people (including ourselves) who think they know everything but have screwed up big time? The truth is, no matter how much we think we KNOW, there's always something that is UNKNOWN to us out there. Learning never ends, but in the process of seeking knowledge people often disregard the basic elements of life and humanity. We often disregard them as boring, old, common, cliched etc etc. But in those elements lies hidden secrets and huge potential that many people fail to realise. Most of us go to our graves thinking we learnt alot in this life but having disregarded the very lessons that we should have spent more time and effort on practising. I believe that we humans have been given 'everything' we need to live a beautiful life. Just that we seem to love to screw up alot.

Learning To Unlearn...
So you've got a Uni degree or 2, you've got a great job, people think you've done well in life, you found your life-partner, you have a beautiful car and a house, you're cruising in life...but you don't have 2mins to listen to someone who's in pain, you don't want to hug a total stranger just cos you think it's fake and silly, you don't wanna forgive that someone who you claim hurt you long time ago, you hold on to a grudge for years and years, you think you know what Love is but you simply don't know how to put it into action, you are mangled in your own ego, you don't see the suffering of another as long as you're ok, you think you nailed it in life but you have done nothing to make someone else feel better? It's high time you learn to unlearn...unlearn all the misconceptions you have about the basic elements of humanity...such as Love, Compassion and Kindness. Give it a try...put them on a pedestal and worship them, not the God that you have never seen. Cos these virtues are indeed the God you have never given a chance to.

This post stemmed from witnessing countless empty-heads driven by brainwashing, politics and stupidity that don't bring any good to anyone. I'm apolitical, I can't seem to take sides...why? Cos there are just scoundrels on either side. Instead, I have opted for Love cos that's the clearest vision one can ever get. All the other paths are a waste of time and energy.

Blood, Sweat & Gunk!
14th of April was the Sinhala and Tamil New Year's day in Sri Lanka. Happy New Year to all Sri Lankans from around the world! Sri Lanka is so divided right now that same division has even spread to other parts of the world. It's appalling to see Sinhalese and Tamils taking sides and protesting in the streets in other countries such as Aus, NZ, UK and Canada. Why bring your home-problems to these countries too? If you chose to live overseas, that means you weren't happy back home. So why the sudden patriotism now? Go back home and try talking to the politicians or the separatists, or try living the experience of those who have truly suffered in this ugly war. Just wasting time and energy on meaningless protests and dumb online campaigns won't bring any solid results. What you can't solve within your own home cannot be solved by an outsider. Get over it people! One party is claiming they want Terrorism to end, and the other is claiming they want Acceptance, and both are so childishly trying to shut one another up. In that process, some are shamelessly supporting Terrorism and some others are irresponsibly promoting a War...they are both doing one and the same thing, and that is being blind to the real issue and fuelling more and more violence! Under all these banners lies EMPTYNESS, cos both parties are clueless and have no clear vision. Excluding one another is adding to the fire...the real solution lies in Inlcusion. No one reached Peace from hating, killing or turning a deaf ear to one another. Love, acceptance and respect is the only way.
Drop the guns, masks, protests and banners. Lift your hearts, heads, standards and spirits. Then you shall see clearly. I know I'm just talking to myself, cos everyone else seems to be blind, deaf and blood-thirsty arrrrrrgggg! Why are MOST people so severely cranium deficient??
Right now I'm torn between my Sinhala and Tamil friends, and I feel so alone. They don't see what I see and I can't understand why...

Current Music: Unmaada Sithuwam (one of my fav Sinhala songs)

Tuesday, April 14

A Thousand Splendid Encryptions...

It's A Bar Coded Life!
Each one of us is a complex genetic Encryption walking this Earth from birth to death, speaking our minds, trying to prove our points, expressing, loving, hating, living and dying. We humans are living genetic algorithms in the form of a body and soul, each one unique on their own, yet collectively similar to one another. What's unique about you is something that can never be stolen or copied. Your looks, qualities, psyche, physical structure, IQ, choices you make and your lifestyle are often gene-dependent. But even within the same family, there can be people who are poles apart in the way they think and behave...that proves that each one of us is a unique genetic design. The way you are encrypted is based on your gene factor...and that's something that cannot be bought, borrowed or nicked. Isn't that marvellous! I find that really amazing. In a world where technology is breaking boundaries and going beyond the 'limit' of almost anything and everything, the one thing that technology hasn't conquered yet is the absolute decryption of your genetic encryption, so that we can 'copy-paste' it to produce multiples of YOU. I'm glad the world doesn't have that kind of technology yet, even if it does in future, I hope I don't live to see it! *cloning doesn't count cos it's fake as!*

We Are One But We Are Many...
Together we are the people, but you on your own are one breathing algorithm that cannot be found anywhere else on this planet. You are unique and there can never be another you. The 'force' within you is your's and your's alone. Decoding your force and duplicating it is something that can never be done. Arent you special! And when you die, that singular algorithm is destroyed. And there can never be another YOU. You may leave traces of you behind in your siblings and children, but your exclusive encryption dies with you.

Have a good think about your genetic encryption. Who are you? What makes you unique? What are the gifts in you that most people around you identify you for? What's the algorithm that you're driven by? You cannot really decipher your genetic 'crytography' into 'plaintext' but we all know and feel what we're 'driven' by. So, w
hat are you 'designed' to 'deliver'?

Sorry No Vacancies!
Off topic: I had a beautiful long weekend with fam & friends...went to a massive b'day party with the Bollywood theme, and I must say it was a hoot! Professional Bolly dancers, sarees, henna, colors and lots of good music and dancing *Some of our Aussie mates dancing to Deshi Girl was something interesting to watch :)*. Wonderful night it was! And yesterday, I went to 2 other b'day parties, ate 2 huge pieces of cake, a massive lunch and now I'm compelled to walk for more than 2hrs today cos I feel like I'm Big Momma's re-incarnation in Aus :*(. One other thing...there's this rather 'lust-induced' workmate of mine who's trying so 'diligently' to get into my pants! Everything he says suggests that he wants a 'Blue Lagoon' kinda 'sinful' Date with me *he's been trying that for like a good 3yrs now. That's way past the expiry date of TRYING. What say guys?*. Today he's hinting a boat-picnic with me *yeah he's got a flashy boat so what kiddo that don't impress me much ah ah aha!* and asks me what cake I'd like, so that he can bring it along for the picnic *urrrrg excuse me who's going with ya btw?*. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy but I'm so not interested in him in that way. I aint going anywhere let alone on a boat picnic with ya, cos ya know my 'genetic design' suggests that I'm a dateless yet not-desperate gal, and I like it that way, THANK YOU, now lay off!

btw this song is my current hottest 'body & soul stimulator' and I just can't seem to get over it's hypnotising effect on me *help!* ;-) It goes well with the post too. Enjoy the music and the video too, it's just out of this world.

Current Music: We Are The People by Empire Of The Sun

Thursday, April 9

Your Best Is Your Friend

We once were. Now all I have are pieces of the broken us. All my life I have had friends of all kinds, all walks of life, from all around the world. Yet I still have not found a friend that I can call my 'best friend' or 'true friend'. Don't get me wrong, I value all my friends equally and do believe that they are real and contribute to my being in their own unique ways. But I also know that not a single humanbeing can be at their BEST all the time, or be consistently TRUE to someone else. People can't be with you forever. You can't be with them forever either. So why do we try to make them our's, try to call them 'my', 'mine' etc? People make mistakes, just as much as they can make each other happy. And we all have our own cross to bear let alone bear other people's crosses for them. We all want the best for our loved-ones but we do fail them sometimes. And that's not a crime. Cutting to the chase, that means there can't be a friend on Earth who will always be TRUE to you and will always be there for you til the end of time. Let's face it people.

As I lay myself to sleep, I wonder about you...I think of the times we've had together...I remember how it all fell apart...I feel the void right now. I'm not a perfect person. I'm as fragile as you are. But I still value you as a friend. Friends come and go. No one stays forever, even if they do, nothing is forever. People often think I must have alot of friends. In real, I have only a very few close friends, and ALOT who are no longer in my life. Even with those few friends, I do have a distance...we don't hang out together all the time. I'm a very friendly person but I'm a very difficult person to be a friend to. That may well be because I appear aloof though deep down I really care...I live in my own world and I know you live in your's. I give ample time and space to my friends, just as much as I require the same from them. Some friends don't talk to me anymore cos I didn't meet up with them or cos I couldn't keep up with their demands or cos their priorities changed completely. Hey that's ok...Im not crying for you anymore, neither am I upset about it anymore, though I was at the start. Cos now I believe that's just the way it's ought to be. I don't 'try' to keep anything going cos I believe that if there's something real, I don't have to 'try' to keep it going. It will stay alive on it's own. To me, that's what genuine friendship is. And even if it dies someday, I know it was once there. Let's move on.

Just as much as you have not been there for me, I know that I haven't been there for you either. In a perfect world, we'd be comforting each other til the end of time. But unfortunately, that's not what nature is. I do understand that no one can be 100% there for someone else and til death do them part. That's rubbish. From time to time we fail, and it's ok. As long as we realise that as humans we are prone to change, then I think we will be able to come to terms with the fact that there's no such thing as a BEST/TRUE friend per person who will be there for you at all times. Every friend we make adds to our life just as much as we do to their's. Being the best and being true is all momentary. It may change any time. Cos people change, times change and priorities change. But that doesn't mean they were never your friends. Everything in this world goes through an exciting beginning, a blood-rushing peak and then a Nirvana-like saturation period. If even after that saturation period, you still care about each other without having to say or do anything, then cherish that. And sometimes things end abruptly and will be never be the same again. It's ok. It's nature. We can never go against nature. Start to accept the fact that the more expectations you have out of your friends, the more miserable you will be.
Let's give ourselves and others alot of time and space.

Thanks for being in my life once upon a time. You're not around anymore but you're still a friend that made a difference in my life. Nothing has to last forever for it to be real. If you don't have a so-called forever friend, don't panic. I'm in the same boat, and I have no qualms about it either. Cos I know, nothing and noone is forever. So I choose my best as my friend, and make the most of the time I have with the people I meet. Surf's up, come on let's have fun while it lasts, cos we may not get this moment again. And this moment is real. Let's grab it.

PS: My dear friends SMM and Veni recently wrote posts on Friendship. This post was inspired by their wonderful posts, and this is my take on it. Thanks guys!

Current Music: Ben by Michael Jackson

Tuesday, April 7

She's Just Not That Into You!

Ok I was not going to blog this fast (cos I just posted a new post yesterday) but I really had to get this outta my system today. Someone called me a 'Supernerd' for not even making an attempt to find a partner! ok I have heard of Supercomputers, Superhumanbeings, Supercentres, Superbowl but hey Supernerd? LOL! Maybe that person is right but how does not wanting to have a partner make me a nerd? Can someone explain that to me please, thanks! For the record, I have always been a nerd in school *received prizes for almost all subjects, every year, from year 1 to year 12* and then I topped my HSC batch *highest in Applied Maths*, and then in Uni too I continued my Nerdism fortunately or not *topped my batch in Comp Sc*...and no it doesn't stop there, cos among my family members and friends I'm labelled a magnetic nerd, apparently cos I know too much and also cos I'm 'strangely interesting' *I don't mean to brag here but it's what they call me*. Even when I go to family gatherings, I usually end up chatting with the oldies or with the kids, not with the My-age crowd. That maybe why they think I'm 'strange'! And now this person calls me a Supernerd for not wanting a man? *stares at the wall like a nerd with a cape..what else can I do ha!*

I always thought being a nerd was to do with Studies, big soda-bottle glasses *I didn't wear any though!*, an outdated sense of fashion *trust me I'm not that either!* and appearing as 'boring' to the 'normal' crowd. I don't mind that though, cos I love being myself and like I have said countless times before, I'm not a follower...I lead. And even if I don't have any followers myself *lol*, I love leading myself and being lead by myself. I'm quite comfortable being who I am. Having said all that, does the term Supernerd for not being interested in finding LOVE fit my personality? Apparently I'm a human knowledgebase that scares men! HUH? Well I do know most men don't like women who know alot but that doesn't mean those women are not fit for love? Is it fair on me to be called a Supernerd for living a single life quite comfortably? Come to think of it, being called a Supernerd is way better than what Aunty B *a Marriage-frenzied lady who once chased me around to get me hooked* would call me - 'Dead' that is! I mean just cos I don't notice hunks winking past me, just cos I reject all romantic proposals, just cos I yawn when people kiss infront of me, just cos I puke when a guy says I LOVE YOU KESHI, just cos I have a mental 'ignore' button when a guy gives me glued attention *except when he looks like John Abraham ofcourse, which hasn't happened yet in my life btw*, just cos I find conventional Marriages boring, just cos I'm happy reading a book on a Sat nite when all my girlfriends are busy making out with their men, just cos a good blog post or a debate gives me brain orgies not Brad Pitt, just cos I'm not advertising myself out there to find a man, just cos I told off a guy who was acting like he was God's gift to women, just cos I have better things to do than to go buy sex toys to try out with my BF *I'd rather buy a hot new cell phone*, just cos I roll my eyes at my friends who go condom-shopping while I'm having a lazy Sunday afternoon sipping fruity cruisers and listening to music thinking what my next blog topic would be, does that mean I'm boring and geeky? Hang on! I AM geeky cos that's my field of work, dammmmn! But hey that has nothing to do with Romance right? I mean WTF. Ok shutup it's official I'm a nerd. *enrolls for the Nerd Of The Year competition!* Atleast I won't be a misfit over there!

btw, please check out Shachi's blog...she's one great writer with awesome pics et al, that I came across recently. You've gotta check her out guys! *just cos a nerd says so ;-)*

Current Music: That Don't Impress Me Much by Shania Twain

Monday, April 6

Bittertweet Botoxification

What's with the world these days? I witnessed a very disturbing scene over the weekend. I was at the mall and was passing a manicure & pedicure salon and saw something that made me freeze on my tracks in total shock. No I didnt see ladies tearing each others' hair out just to be first in the queue *trust me I wouldn't be surprised by such a scene cos they are becoming quite frequent in the news these days arent they!*. What I saw was something totally new to me. There were 3 girls, probably around the age of not more than 6 or 7yrs, getting a pedicure done! Hang on, arent Beauty salons for grown ladies? When did BEAUTY and looking sexy become an issue/requirement/necessity for kids? I was stunned. These kids had faces of angels, they had barely grown out of their baby years, and here they were lying down like adults, wondering about God knows what until their tiny toe nails got painted in red slutty nailpolish by a woman old enough to be their granma! What are their parents doing to these children by letting them run amok with adult frenzies? Why do they need brightly painted toenails let alone manicures and pedicures? Arent those tiny feet supposed to be covered by sneakers and climb trees, or run barefeet in fresh green grass feeling nature on their skin?

These days there are kids on Twitter, Facebook etc doing what adults are doing...then there are Kate-Moss wannabes pursuing modelling careers at the age of 12...then there are kids going to Pre-uni classes at the age of 5! Kids these days know alot, want to be alot more than who they are, ask for alot more than they can afford, do alot of things that tarnish their innocence, only to feel 'cool' about themselves and to stay in touch with the trends. And in that process, they lose their entire 'childhood'. And their parents support all of this, sadly.

Peer pressure can be a killer of originality. Same applies to adults. The pressure to do what everyone else is doing is mind-numbingly sad. We live in an era where people are living pseudo lives, where Skype is how you stay in touch, where sleeping pills take care of all your worries, where a breakup is done through a txt message, where being HOT is what it takes to be loved, where a gun is the way of dealing with frustration, where your mother is no longer in your Call-today list, where relationships are as quick and cheap as a drive-thru meal, where having one-night stands and getting trashed is the 'in' thing, where Wants are endless, where 'plastic culture' is on the prowl. Life has become so fast, cheap and fake today that I wouldnt be surprised if a foetus in the womb demands a pedicure next *and the mother provides it too*! Today, life blooms with too much information, and the blossom withers and falls off way before it's time...simply because there's a paranoia of being left behind...something that need not be feared if you arent a follower.

Current Music: Californication by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Thursday, April 2

Believing Is Seeing

You say you can see, that you saw, that you will see, that seeing is believing, that what you see is what you get...but did you see it for what it is and not for what you are? Did you see beyond what your naked eyes coud see? Were you not afraid to see what you saw? Didn't you see things the way you wanted to see them, and not just the way they were? You didn't see it, because you didn't believe in it, and you didn't believe in it because you were only looking. When you BELIEVE in it, you will SEE it. Just because your eyes are open, it doesn't mean you're seeing...and just because your eyes are closed, it doesn't mean you're not seeing. Believe and you shall see. One needs eyes only to look, but one needs more than just the eyes, to see. When you see more, you will look less. For believing is seeing just as much as seeing is believing. Don't just look, start to see.

And what do you see right now? Fill in the blanks of the following sentence:

I believe ______ therefore I see ______.

Current Music: Believe by Elton John