A Sneak Peek...

How are we babies? :)

I just had to say Hi to ya...cos I miss ya all so very much! Thank you all so very much for the heart-felt comments, emails and messages so far...they all mean alot to me. MWAH!

Now here's just a quick update for ya on what's been happening with me so far:

*We have been driving around Sydney and it's been one terrific travel-a-thon so far

*I feel freer, happier and lighter, yes I do!

*We have been hunk-watching, dining, wining, dancing, partying and winking alot aha! ;-)

*No I haven't been eating alot, cos I am careful about that, duncha worry my boyfriends I still look great! *smilez*

*One of my cousins want me to cut my long long hair in Posh Spice style....hmmm let's see ha...what say guys?

*Tonight we are going to a Latin American club for some hot Salsa..ing ooh lala *I hope I meet an Antonio Banderas lookalike? plz God!*

*I fell down and rolled on the floor in a shop while shopping with a cuzn *ROFL!*

*Girls we shopped til we dropped! *hot new shoes, tops, shorts, accessories*

*Watched DVDs at home and vegged out on the couch...

*Laughed til we almost died!

*And I still MISS ALL OF YA SO VERY MUCH!

Will you see me again? Maybe 'yes' ha? Soon I hope. And I hope all of you are keeping well and staying happy? Tell me what's happening with you right now...c'mon update me on your life too. So, once again, thanks alot for all the love and care while I was away...thank you for remembering me, it means alot to me. And amidst all the fun I'm having right now, I remember you too my dear ones, hence this post for ya :). Ciao dahlins, see yous MWAH!

Current Music: Cry For You (you'll never see me again) by September

Through My Window...

Whoever who said that being alone is the only time you can truly be yourself and that our best companion ever is Solitude, are very wise people. The one who sees true beauty and the magic behind this life may sometimes have to walk alone...it's a fact. And all the misery in us stem from our inability to be alone...our constant need to be heard, wanted and understood. But you know, I tried and I nearly died trying. Cos no one will ever understand you fully. Cos we are lone creatures with lone judgements. Not everyone will walk with you and neither will you walk with everyone else. We all walk alone. We have friends and foes during the day, but at night we are alone, staring at the dark blue skies in complete solitude. And he who does not ask or want company just to secure an important place for himself in this world, is the greatest man ever...he who knows that even being alone, he is still valuable and very much a part of this great Universe. Caught up in the illusion called 'bonds' that don't last anyway, we continue to be mangled in the misery of wanting company, longing for our thoughts to be validated and our hearts to be recognised.

Yes, it's time for Keshi's heart to go into the wilderness for awhile. I'm not upset with anyone here, neither am I leaving Blogville for good. It's just that my heart needs some time off from the blinding city lights and speeding down the highway :). I will be back in few days time. Don't feel sad and don't think this is the end, cos it's not. You know I love you all very much and I can't just end it all like you mean nothing to me, cos you do. And it's not my style to cut away all of a sudden from the people who really cared about me and were there for me when I needed them badly, more than my own loved-ones could. And all those people who always stood by me no matter what, and during my last few flickering posts, THANKS from the bottom of my heart! *Enchanted, Mayz and Southy HUGS, and ty for the encouraging emails and posts!*. And those who read them and dismissed them without saying a word, THANKS to you too! Cos now I know who truly cares and who's just here for a mock game. And those who didn't have time nor the inclination to respond to my recent msgs/emails, I sincerely hope that some day you'd learn what 'acknowledgement' is...maybe you're not born with it but it's not too late to learn it. The world doesn't revolve around you...you revolve around it. Cos it's we who continue to seek attention from others instead of giving out real love...we continue to seek appreciation and validation of ourselves in others, instead of taking a good look at our own selves and learning to depend on ourselves. btw I also have some cousins coming over for a break and I will be spending alot of time with them and travelling interstate etc with them in the next few days. So, I can only log in occasionally to publish comments but I won't be around Blogville commenting in your blogs as usual. I'm really sorry guys but this is really necessary too...but keep writing and having fun. As promised I will be back soon all refreshed, and perhaps with lots of exciting news and more beautiful pics :). Til then take care, keep smiling, be well, be kind to each other, don't forget me, I'll do all the tags when I come back :) and hey never underestimate the power of being alone. MWAH so long my dearest mates I'm gonna miss ya tonnz!

Current Music: Make It Real by The Jets

Show Me The Way To Go Home...

Here are some pics of miscellaneous places that I captured from my camera recently...some of them are a bit old but possess a beauty that's hard to forget (Tulips). The Spring pics of the Peach blossoms, the cathedral, the government house (takes you to the beautiful Victorian era of 1800s when you're inside!), the botanical gardens, the weekend fair and the kangaroo pics are fairly new ones. My aunt was here few weeks ago and we have been taking her here and there, and this is the result of those trips. The last pic is very close to my heart...it was taken in the Sydney's famous Blue Mountains...it's a bush-walking track...a track of a mysterious fate...at the end of the road what will I find...will it be my home? What(/where) is home to you? (I have put captions on the pics to portray a journey...to tell a story)

Stopped by a banquet to have some fun...


Blossoming thoughts of my home far away...



















I was Thumbelina for a day...


Passing by a rather shy Koala friend...




















And I feel the grace of a cathedral...




















A peek inside God's room before I leave again...




















It rained purple for a while...


Legends telling me secrets from afar...




















Went inside a castle and went 100s of years back in time...












Strolled down the ever-blooming memory lane...


Walked through corridors of light, looking for peace of mind...


















Spent days in white satin...









The roos in the bush said to me: Where is your next destination mate?


I stopped to smell the flowers before the night hid it's beauty...
















Country roads, take me home...to the place where I belong...



















Current Music: Country Roads by John Denver

Was It Just A Dream?

Reflections...Spirit...Memories...Hurt...Sentiments...

Doors...Blows...

Touches...Kisses...Faces...Laughs...Cuts...Lessons...

Smiles...Love...

Viva Forever...Heartprints...Truth...Dreams...

Deceit...Time...

Pieces...Thoughts...Bonds...Novelty...Rust...Bridges...

Secrets...Broken...

Roads...Signs...Souls...Refuge.

Did I belong here...is this not my home...

Or was it just a dream..and did I just wake up?

What is 'Forever'?
What lasts forever?


Current Music: Viva Forever by Spice Girls

And Hope Decides To Pay A Visit....

Uncivil Years Of Civilisation...

Man, over years of civilisation had hardly learnt what TOLERANCE is....had hardly realised what PEACE and LOVE is...had hardly known what it is to RESPECT one another's opinions...had hardly seen beyond their own 4 WALLS...had hardly seeked SIMILARITIES yet voraciously seeked DIFFERENCES...had hardly felt HUMANITY but craved for CRUELTY....had hardly noticed the HEARTS of one another but continued to rejoice in their own COLOR, RELIGION, RACE and CREED. Man may have physically and technologically evolved over years but have deteriorated spiritually and mentally in a sense that the world is now at the brink of death, destruction and terrorism. Then dawned a brandnew day on Earth...a day that gave HOPE for millions of people around the world...a day that reflected a global CHANGE, not just a nation's change....a day that proved true EVOLUTION finally occurred...evolution of the MINDSETS...a change of MENTALITIES...a PROMISE of a brandnew world. Obama becomes the first black president of a predominantly white nation, that once didn't even allow the blacks to vote or go to church! Obama brings hope for all nations that are still suffering at the hands of racism, war, small minds and terrorism...such as Sri Lanka, Pakistan, India, Iraq etc etc. Now there is HOPE that our lands will change too...some day...like America did! (pic: A father mourns his baby son's death - one of many that gets killed every single day in wartorn Sri Lanka, and the reason - RACE)


Some Dreams Do Come True...
I'm glad I witnessed a glorious moment in history where people of all colors and races, worked together for this moment to happen...when it proved that ancient and shallow mentalities have now faded into the past and paved everyone a new path for FREEDOM of INDIVIDUALITY. Obama's success to the White house only goes to show that what matters is what you're made of...not what you're colored of. Go Obama! You proved to the world that anyone of any color, any background, any race etc etc can do ANYTHING if there's a WILL. You have the power to change others by changing yourself. He proved it. He bridged that mental gap that many people had between one another all these years.


Many People, One Goal...
I'm not American, Australian, Sri Lankan or Indian, but I'm a World Citizen. I rejoice in the fact that I was part of such a phenomenal moment of history in the making. Yes I cried *again my drama genes didn't let me be* and I must confess I have the hots for Obama too *but that's not the reason why I cried, I was just too happy*! One other reason why I'd cry now is that this great man now has a great deal of shit to clean up! A global economic depression, a nation in crisis, fuel prices, climate change etc etc. Yes Mr.Handsome Obama has a massive trainwreck infront of him to clear! I just hope everything will go well with his leadership and that the world would start seeing the light with this brandnew leader's help and direction - and yes we all have to chip in to get there. He's the BEGINNING we all waited for and so many people died wishing for. All the very best to ya mate from Keshi in this lil corner of the world! *I also hope Kevin Rudd won't go selling lamb at the White house doorstep, cos looks like he's already planning for it desperately!*


My question to you: What does Obama's victory mean(/portray) to you (either in a personal sense or a global sense or both)?

You may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one...


Current Music: Imagine By John Lennon

101 'Keshi' Dalmatians!

I was all dressed up in the weekend but felt like a blockbuster idiot inside. So,

What do you do when you hit the blues?
What do you do when smiles are overdue?
What do you do when they walk all over you?
What do you do when you don't know what to do?

*Keshi puppy found a way, as always*

She picks up her blues
And paints them in pink hues
She does it with no clues
And her pain subdues *woof woof*



:) Thanks each and everyone for your honest and valued opinions in that last post! And thanks to Hemz for trying to make me feel better in his blog (now this post is for you to cheer up ok. Looks like we are on a Cheer-up Crusade for the next 5yrs or so? right!). It means alot for me to know what all of you think if my departure was to come. Now that I have made you feel comfy with it and made you realise what it would feel like, when I really do say Goodbye *some day*, I know you're not gonna be in shock...cos you almost felt it in my last post right? And I also got to know who truly cares about my presence here and poured their hearts out in that last post to let me know how they felt about it, who was concerned enough to email me and drop their emails for future contact, who cared enough to leave me secret comments asking what it was all about, who read it and chose to keep quiet, who thought that was just another attention-seeking post and left it at that etc. I have strong vibes...and I can sense things pretty quickly. Thanks All! Cos I only gained more wisdom and knowledge about one another through that post.


Now lets move on. Here are some pics of my recent avatars and how I have been feeling and coping lately. This Keshi puppy *aka Drama Biyatch* has come a very long way and would do anything to make herself feel better *even if it meant dressing up like a dork*. Take a good look at how this damsel has got hold of her blues and turned them all into pinks! A very graphic story of a very blue dog begins here....



It felt like a dagger in my head...

I thought I was Spiderwoman *rather Spiderpup* and tried to scare people off but it didn't work...


My eyeballs were in trauma watching how some people behaved...I couldn't even bite them shittt!





I cross-dressed *as a giraffe* trying to escape my Drama Biyatch world. You think it worked? yeah right!








Then I dressed up as a Clown but I couldn't find my funnybone at all *do I look funny? I think not!*...I look more like a psychotic clown!






I put on a colorful body-suit to kill my blues but I felt like the biggest idiot breathing on Earth *my facial expressions tell it all*....



Joined a Halloween group to go trick-or-treating in disguise and soon my zombied self was knocking on my own door *rolling eyes*...






Dated a hot-dog and tried to be his hot-biyatch but he left me for a hot-plate...






Painted my nails pink *did a mani-dog-o-cure*, dressed up like a beauty, and sat in the middle of the road and wanted to get noticed *yes I love attention!*...hmmm people just walked away... :*(


Went home and dressed up in YODA style *the cutting-edge Dogatella Versace look*...instantly felt like ripping my clothes off and burning them!


Put my Bikini on and tried to hit the beach to meet Cess...it rained madly and she wasn't there either:(, so I came home to sunbathe on my lonely couch while my bra is getting bigger! *life is a snarling bitch ya know*


Wanted to be Superwoman but it turned out I'm just a Superbitch *how limited are my canine choices people?*...



Went to the Hairdressers' and got some braids done...feeling sexy but God I look like a loser! *sobs*...


Whatever I did I realised that my ORIGINAL super-tanned-babe look is THE best *a lil overtanned, rather burnt, so what!*...MWAH Peace Out Pups! *with my sexy hair don't I look like the female version of Michael Jackson? I'm loving it! woof woof I'm bad I'm bad ya know I'm bad!*...









So here are some things that I learnt through my blue journey *as blue as a fucking smurf*...


People can say anything about you...
But it doesn't make you that
It only proves you're what they can't be.


People can try and stop you...
But only you can put a limit on your abilities
Don't let anyone handicap your potential.


People can hurt you and laugh at you...
But only you can retain your reputation
Don't react to people that are way below your standards.


People can affect your state of mind...
But only you can decide how you feel
Be your own comfort.


Don't live by what others say and do...
Live by what you believe is the truth
Be yourself no matter what.

Cess babez and Hemz, smile now...I put up the very cute dog-pic you made for me too :). This song is for all my blog-mates who cheered me up in the last post. THANKS ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE! You're my bed of roses for I sleep on a bed of thorns...you're my Heaven on Earth.






Current Music: Hard To Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

My Boarding Pass Awaits...

Warning: Long post ahead. Read before commenting please. Thanks!

Arrivals & Departures

I was dropping my aunt off at the airport on Saturday morning. As I parked my car and came back walking to the Departure terminal, I witnessed many people hugging, crying, saying their Goodbyes, and holding hands and wishing each other well before they separated. Yes, instantly my analytical mind saw a resemblance of Blogville right there! Blogville is like an Airport. There's Arrivals as well as Departures. People come, people go. Planes of friends land, and planes of friends take off too. Blogville is an airport of relationships from around the world...and short-term or long-term, people eventually leave...just like new ones come in. I realised that further after I came home from the Airport and read Goodbye posts from 3 friends that I have known in Blogville for some time. Needless to say I was in shock *3 in 1 day was too much for my ultra sensitive soul*, regardless of how prepared I thought I was. Nah I'm not saying they should keep blogging to satisfy my needs. Maybe they got bored with it all? Maybe something else happened that we don't know of. So yeah, I realised that I have no say in another person's decision. All I can do is wish them well and try to move on...


I Did It My Way ...
I should never expect anything from anyone right? Then why am I here? What am I doing pouring my heart out to the whole world? If no one should expect anything from anyone then what's the purpose in all of this? It seems some people have figured out my purpose here already....saying that I'm here in Blogville for a 'popularity contest', for wasting time, for scoring 100s of comments, for a publicity stunt yadda yadda yadda *yawwwwwn*. But I'm not going to prove to anyone why I'm here...cos I don't need to. As long as I know what I'm here for, that's all that matters. Everyone is different, it's a free world, we all have different purposes here in Blogville and I guess we should stop whinging about how others should blog and just get on with what we have to do. I started this blog out of boredom...if you roll right back to my first post in Oct 2004, you'll know I was only talking to the walls. As my profile reads, only the walls have effective listening power *no selfish judgements you see*. Slowly I heard human voices behind the walls, and they too wanted to communicate with me. I didn't mind. Rapidly the number of readers grew. Is that something wrong? I don't think so. After all, I value connections and the input that come from them. It makes me grow...it did. It's not something I chose as an objective for this blog but something that happened over time. I'm no longer that naive girl I used to be in 2004...my personality has grown alot since then. This experience is priceless. Who do I thank for that? YOU. All of you who made me learn so much from your posts, comments and continuous support here *but some left without notice, some proved to be enemies in friends' disguise, some loved me no matter what, some tried to break me up with others and ruined my r'ships with them, some chucked me outta their blogs overnight over a small dispute, and some are still here*. Good/bad/tears/smiles/love or hate I don't think I can even thank you enough, cos it all made me grow as a person. Nothing else could have given me such immeasurable wisdom and knowledge, and love too, all in one experience. That's a marvel that I found in Blogville. And some people tell me to go get a REAL life *some even emailed me asking me to stop blogging and some real close friends mocked me in Anonymous form*. If this is not real what is? Tell me. Illusions are real too...just as much as reality is an illusion. Whichever way, the Truth is in how you Feel. So what matters is how I felt/feel being in Blogville, and I feel great. To me, that is REAL. You can't touch the clouds but they are there right?

Much More Than A Personal Journey...
I arrived in Blogville as a concealed attraction...I bloomed into a flower that everyone saw...I hope I depart as a shimmering light in everyone's hearts. I'm not good with Goodbyes...what's so good about a Goodbye anyways? Right now all I can say is that Blogville is like an Airport...people come and people go. I just have to learn not to get too close to anyone here...cos it hurts alot when I'm at the Departure gates. And I don't know how not to care either...cos I do care though some people seem to label me as this and that *again, not my problem*. But I really am confused now...I don't know if I should continue to build relationships here and then continue to get hurt when people leave or when I decide to leave...I don't want to get affected this way but I don't know how to be stone-hearted either. People are moving on with their lives and like someone here told me, I'm gonna be standing here hurt and alone when everyone is gone. Is it too late for me now? I've been here for 4 long years and that means my blog and my blog friends mean something to me...they've become a part of my being and my life, as much I am to them...so this was not just a trip for myself...it has now become much more than that. So when I decide to leave I have to make sure that people who helped me grow are prepared for it as well. I don't wanna leave all of a sudden. That would be unfair by the people who spent their time and shared their sentiments with me for so long. So what was your arrival like and how has the journey being so far? And how do you handle it when friends leave Blogville? How would it affect you if I leave? And when it's your turn to board the plane how would you do it? What would be your next destination? Gimme your honest opinions please...I'm neither looking for praise nor pretense...just hit me with the truth. Cos I wanna go without feeling unloved and leaving anyone in shock or tears...


Current Music: My Way by Elvis Presely

It Was Tears That I Had Planned...

I used to plan my life
Then it all crashed down on me...
Now I live one day at a time
And tears just don't stop...
I'm not lonely yet I'm alone
I'm not sad yet my heart cries...
Yesterday will never return
Tomorrow I don't know...
Today as I look outside my window
Life looks back at me
Telling me a story...
Of someone who used to be
Someone who learnt to take her tears
And turn them into smiles

How could I have planned so much?

When my path was only made of tears...

Current Music: Plan On Forever by Sue Ann Carwell & Mervyn Warren