Iranam Pavasa...

Do you know what the title means? It's in Sinhalese and it means 'Destiny's Thirst'. Have you ever loved someone so much that parting with them took away a huge chunk of you with it? I have. That's why I feel I'm qualified to write this post, with the huge hole in my heart that gives me the strength to pen down my feelings exactly the way they are. My writing here are the ashes that are left from the fire that burnt my heart and left it with forever-scars. The ink that I write with are the feelings that I feel. I wasn't sure if I should write this post today but it dawned upon me that I should write it when my feelings are raw. So here I am. We have loved-ones that we'd like to live with forever but even a Love that strong cannot win with Destiny. Cos if I could redesign my Destiny, I'd have the people I want in my life right now. But some things are just not meant to be. And life has to go on...at the hands of Destiny.


You went towards your Destiny...you were called by it...you had to go...you just had to quench Destiny's Thirst didnt you? No, you didn't want to leave me...no, you never thought you would. But can we stop getting thirsty? Can we stop getting hungry? Even we can't. We had our plans and while we were busy making plans, Fate had it's own plans for us. And you went towards it when all I could do was stand here, watching you go. You just had to quench the thirst of Destiny, but you left me parched and starving for you til the end of time. But what am I in the face of Destiny? What is my thirst compared to the thirst of Destiny? I cannot make you stay, I don't have the power to change your Destiny, I don't have a magic wand to grant me all my wishes...so I watched you go...so I cried as I stood helpless, letting you fulfill your Destiny...letting your Destiny change my life, and making me go towards my own Destiny.

This post is dedicated to my darling friend Nehya who lost her dearest dad 2 days ago. I love you hunny and please know that I'm thinking of you and I know exactly how you feel right now. Fathers when they leave, we are left with a thirst that will never be quenched. I have never met your dad in person but I can quite confidently say I have 'met' him...how? Through you. You're a beautiful person, in and out, and there's no doubt that your parents are equally lovely people. They have raised you so well and I can tell that your dad brought me to you, hence himself through you. I love what I saw in you, and I say THANKS to your dad for the preciousness he engraved in you. He's a gentleman and a truly genuine soul, I respect him alot. I know nothing I say right now can comfort the huge loss you're dealing with. So all I want you to know is that I'm here for you. It's a long road ahead Ne...but you will come to terms with it and you will learn to live with it one day. Just know that ok. *HUGZ*

This song is one of my fav Sinhalese songs, from an old movie called 'Ganga Addara' (it means, by the river) that I watched with my dearest dad long time ago. I was only a little girl then. I remember holding my dad's hand, walking with him, asking him silly questions, watching his wide smile, hearing his deep but gentle voice...getting a lil scared when he scolded me. I remember his face...I remember his love. I remember the day he went towards his Destiny..how his Destiny's thirst cost me my best mate ever...also, how it all gained me a strength and courage like never before. This song takes me to a distant past...a faraway place...to a beautiful time...to a memorable face.

oba ruva chaaya...sanga we paaya...

(images of you, come to the surface, and then hide away...)


Current Music: Ganga Addara by Vijaya Kumaratunga