Footsteps At The Door...

hushhhhhh I can hear your sweet voices.....HIII GUYYYYYYS, how's you all doing? Have I told you lately that I MISSED you like crazy? It was quite life-threatening to be away from all of you hehehe. I'm nearly back but not into full-time blogging yet (my blog life is suffering heavily these days damnnnn!). And yeah I had a smashing bday party and many more June bday parties to attend to till the end of June - yep going on another Harbor cruise this weekend for mum's bday celebrations and also a huge party for my little nephew who's turning 3 this Sunday - Happy Birthday to you my cute little baby Dylann! These few days that I was away have been good and enjoyable but I missed a huge part of me...and that's all of you. So I came to say that I'm thinking of all of you and will be back in action from next week ok? Thanks for all your comments, emails and many blog birthday posts for me. I haven't read all the comments/blog posts yet but will reply to them when I'm fully back. THANKS A TON for thinking of me guys - it's such a wonderful feeling to be thought of in so many special ways.

Amidst my busy 'Fun' schedule, I came here especially to wish A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to South and Mala for the 30th of June, and to Scribblez sweety who's celebrating her birthday on the 2nd of July. I won't be blogging on these days, so I had to do it today and real quick too. Words are really not enough to say how much of a strong influence South has been in my life. He has always been the rock, my pillar and a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed him here. He's just extraordinary and what I call a real man is. It's hard to find people like him in this very troubled world full of fakes. I wish for him many more years of peace, joy, good health and most of all love (not forgetting that he's scored 66 already lol!). Mala you have always been a pretty and inspiring flower in my blog life who has always encouraged me to be realistic and stay focused. I really love the sense of stable friendship and the love you always convey to me, though I have never spoken to you in real. There's a strong aura that you deliver across the miles from your words alone. May God bless you girl! Scribblez though I haven't known you for too long, we hit it straight away didnt we? :) Only cos you are one of the very few sweetest and the genuine girls I have ever come across the blog world. No pretences and no nonsense, you have always stood by your words and you are a true portrayal of dignity and femininity. You have reached out to me in a very special way cos I feel a true connection of lasting friendship with you sweety. God bless you and take care of you in every step of your life! So A Very Happy Birthday to South, Mala and Scribblez! Have a wonderful day and may all your sweet dreams and secret wishes come true faster than I drive on the freeway :)! MWAHHHHHH and HUGGGGGGGGGZ you guys!

A song dedicated especially to the 3 golden hearts above...Without You by Mariah Carey. See you all soon..till then take care, have fun and be good dudes ;-).

And Then A Hero Comes Along...

It may not be the same,
But some things never change.
I feel it and I trust it,

I still believe in forever
Because that's what my heart knows.
Memories are the dew drops on our petals
That re-open the buds that have closed.
Flowers wilt as seasons change,
Though they grow a little more with rain.
The sun will shine when in need,
And left behind, a precious seed.
-Flowers by H. Barnes

I just stopped to smell the flowers and say THANKS to all you beautiful blooms in my garden of life. Thanks for being there for me, Thanks for cheering me up when I was down, Thanks for the inspiration, Thanks for being the shoulder to cry on, Thanks for sharing your wisdom with me, Thanks for saying those lovely compliments to me, Thanks for accepting me for who I am and Thanks for being just YOU! Sometimes we forget or we don't realise that we are happy because of some great people in our life. I just want to make sure I didn't forget that. So guys, please accept my sincere gratitude that's conveyed from the bottom of my heart.

Also guys, I will be away for about a week from today :*( So since I won't be here to say Thanks to the many warm bday wishes that's going to come my way, I wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you alot and thanks in advance for the wishes guys! Uttsy and Ish thanks so much for your heartfelt wishes - I was stoked to bits! I'll be around whenever I can as you guys have become an integral part of my life now and it's so very hard to be away from all of you for too long. And know that you are all in my heart 24/7! Every single one of you have been a huge inspiration and encouragement in my life - that's my reason behind celebrating this year of my life.

'And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you...'

And that HERO in me is YOU, so here's a song dedicated JUST FOR YOU. See ya soon my friends!

Current Music: Hero by Mariah Carey

An Old Soul

This post was written 1.cos this has been bothering me for years and 2.cos here in this blog I have visitors from many faiths,lands,cultures and experiences so I will get a nice variety of views on this to think about. I'm talking about Rebirth. I come from a Buddhist/Hindu background and alot of Buddhists/Hindus believe in rebirth. However I'm a person who don't blindly believe in any theory just cos it's believed so in my faith/culture whatever. I like to think rationally and fairly based on my understanding and experiences. Buddhism claims that there is rebirth for each one of us. That the soul travels through many lifetimes until it finally attains Nirvana(enlightenment). What alot of baggage the soul must carry huh, and think about the airfares whoaaaa! Imagine finding an old undy from a previous birth in your suitcase? Ok sorry guys jokes apart, do you believe in rebirth, if so why? If you think this is all a big fat joke, then tell me why? I wanna know cos I can't understand why some good people suffer and some bad people never seem to suffer in this life. Not that I wish any person to suffer but it doesn't make sense when a good man dies young or falls sick and is not able to enjoy life, while some mean old loser lives a paradise of a life. Now you may say it's pure coincidence/luck but what exactly is that luck? If we do good, don't we deserve good? They say you reap what you sow, well then why do some good folks suffer unfairly or are born with genes that make them terminally ill or are met with some terrible accident or face an unbearable misfortune due to no fault of their's?

Looking at the other side of the coin, if at all there is a rebirth mechanism, what does it serve by making good people suffer in this life where they have been good anyways? If there is a past life that may haunt you for many lifetimes to come, then should we easily blame this life's mistakes/misfortunes on our past life's deeds? My point is, if there's a rebirth at all then how does it work in a sensible manner that's fair to everyone?

However I have read many stories of reincarnation from around the world, of children remembering details of their past lives that later proved to be shockingly accurate. I've also come across some chilling rebirth stories from Sri Lanka/India that make me believe there must be some truth in it. Once there was this very famous story about a small Sri Lankan girl that was in the papers. She was only around 6yrs old and she used to be so afraid of passing this specific bridge in her town. Everytime she passed this place, she used to cry, feel extremely frightened and frantic. So her parents asked her why she was so afraid of that small bridge and then she had told them that she had died there. They were astounded and asked her for more details. Apparently she gave the most specific details of the accident, names, dates etc and they verified all of that to be true! In fact a few years before this girl was born, some other girl had died at that bridge in a car accident on her way to school. So they took this little girl back to her old house and she apparently hugged her people from the past like she knew them so well, and she even showed off her bedroom, toys etc to her current parents! If it's just some intuition in that girl then why did she feel that love for those strangers, the room and the stuff? Why that unbearable fear at the bridge? Sometimes we choose to ignore what we can't understand or what scares us the most or what might make us look silly. Although I know I'm not going to find definite answers to most of my questions here, I do feel like an old soul sometimes and I do get that Deja Vu feeling with certain places, people and events. Now isnt that cool :)

Buddhism denies the reality of a permanent self. However, something has to reincarnate, following the dictates of karma(deeds). You may ask if there is no real self, who then inherits the deeds and reincarnates? Buddha answered that only karma is passing from one life to another, using the illustration of the light of a candle, which is derived from another candle without having a substance of its own. In the same manner apparently there is rebirth without the transfer of a self from one body to another. The only link from one life to the next is of a causal nature.

According to what deeds are done

Do their resulting consequences come to be,

Yet the doer has no existence

This is the Buddha’s teaching.

What are your honest thoughts on this?

Current Music:Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

You and Me

Happy Birthday Ishita babez! Mwahhhhhhh and Huggggggggz! I wish for you Summer days, Autumn beauty, Winter warmth and Spring love forever and ever...may your heart and soul blossom with lots of love on each new day and for many more years to come!

Now to a magic spell - ABCs of Me. Guys you know, ME and Burfy cast a bewitching spell on me ooo lala! These guys come up with some seriously interesting tags. All of you are tagged instantly so get on with it after reading mine ok. Let's dive into it then...

Accent:I always had this accent and it's called Keshien accent.Well some of my friends tell me that I have a bit of an Aussie accent. hmmm I dunno, maybe Uttsy/Raj who have heard my voice can tell me what it's like.
Booze:Fruit-flavored Vodka anytime.
Chore I Hate:I really don't hate any chore...mmm perhaps listening to bullshit??
Dog or Cat: Both awww...any fluffy animal as long as it's not a blood-sucking lion
Essential Electronics:My MP3-player, PC and mobile phone.
Fav Perfume:JOOP right now. But my fav is Issey Miyake.
Gold or Silver:I don't like gold all that much. I prefer Silver compared to Gold, but I'm a serious costume jewelry addict.
Home:Sydney it is!
Insomnia:I turn and toss alot and find it hard to sleep peacefully these days. I must be heavily stressed but I live like I'm all cool. Who knows!
Job Title:IT Consultant.
Living Arrangements:Mum, sis and I.
Most Admirable Traits:I don't admire myself too much but there's one thing I can say I quite like about me...it's my ability to smile even amidst pure gunk.
Number of Sexual Partners: Let me count...1, oh that's not sex..ok I give up. As you can see my sex life is more like going to lunch in Madagascar. btw I just started a Nil-Sex club, anyone wanna join? No condoms required cos you know, it's NIL-Sex club duhhh!
Number of times in hospital:3 I guess. 1.When I was few months old and was basically dying. 2.When I was about 3yrs old and got run over by a bicycle. 3. When I was about 14yrs old and had this minor operation done on one of my toes.
Phobias:Actually I suffer from a zillion phobias so I'd direct you to my mighty Phobia list post, lol!
Quote:'Be yourself'
Religion:Love and humanity
Siblings:One elder sis
Time I Wake Up:7am on weekdays, 9am on weekends and many more times will be given later. btw I have damaged many Alarm clocks over the years.
Unusual Talent or Skill:I can sense what's gonna happen, even in a movie. I know, it's too much. Every bloody dream I dream comes true too. It's a bit spooky.
Vegetable I Love:Okra and Eggplant
Worst Habit:Over-sensitivity
X-Rays, Last time:Chest xray for some muscle inflammatory pain I had a few years back
Yummy Food I Make:Spicy chicken curry
Zodiac Sign:Cancer
Love of my life(added by Keshi):Music

What are you waiting for? JUST DO IT! Not a NIKE ad, do this tag I mean ;-)

Current Music:Who Knew by Pink

Bend It Like Keshi!

Nah I aint talking about footy or Beckham...I'm talking about, well hmmm, just bending :). Just that I have noticed different people bend very different. It really makes me laugh when I see certain people bend in hliarious fashions. I have a friend and she wears these somewhat short skirts and bends down right in front of many people if something were to be picked up (it doesn't bother her at all that her ass may be on heavily discounted show). I know it's eye-candy for guys but I have told her to be more careful and elegant (just like a lady) when bending down in short skirts, but she doesnt really care. She says she's comfortbale with what she wears and that she's pretty comfortable with how she moves around in those clothes too. Well as long as her 'Bendons' don't decide to take a sneak-peek during her 'Bendings', we are ok :). I know that most guys will stone me to death for trying to make her bend decently but be honest guys, what do you think of a girl who doesn't know how to bend safely? So girls, if you're wearing a mini-skirt and bending over, you're showing a bit too much and might be sending the wrong message to guys. No offense meant ladies, just stating the facts.

My aunt on the other hand (no she doesnt wear short skirts and hell na I don't want her to) bends in a very funny fashion. She bends down with both her knees buckled, and she does look cute that way :). I have another friend who would rather sit down on the floor than bending down from hips, just to pick something up. He sits down, picks it up and then gets up lol! I have a kneeling cousin too. She kneels down to pick something up, like in a praying position. Na she aint overweight or something like that, but that's just her bending style. There's a colleague of mine who bends one leg down and sits on the other while picking things up. And there's my neighbor who gets someone else to pick things up for her, only cos she's very old and cant bend down at all, awwww. And there's this cousin of mine who picks up things on his home floor by a hook-kinda stick. Or else he'll just stand there as straight as a tree, with his arm stretched towards the object, wanting to pick it up but not doing so, and looking at me for help. Well lets just say he's just...slothful.

Im sure you wanna know how I bend down huh? Well I just bend down to get things up in a very ladylike manner, I swear. I'm too careful cos I don't wanna be subjected to a mighty audience watching my rear, scrutinizing every angle of it and I ceratinly don't want to jeopardise my integrity during something as unimportant as a bending process! Whether I'm wearing shorts, pants, short skirts, dress or nothing-at-all(I can see jaws dropping lol), I bend down at the knees and at the hips, keeping my legs together. I may sound too stringent for something as silly as a bending process, but I like to do certain things in a chic and graceful manner. Actually, whether it's bending down, sitting down, standing up, walking or even sleeping, I like to be decent and maintain discipline (unless ofcourse when I'm exercising or relaxing at home). Don't you think so too? I don't mean to be so perfect and elegant as Queen Victoria was but I like to move graciously and decently when I'm out and about. Because we must look our best, move our best and bend our best wherever we are ;-). Now over to you, how do you do it mate?

And...HAPPY AND GORGEOUS BIRTHDAY TO YOU TRE, MWAHHHH!

Current Music: Goddess On A Highway by Mercury Rev

Once Upon A Frikkin Time...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEESY MWAHHHHH HUNNY, HAVE A BLAST!

Where's my goddamnn glass slipper and my fairy-duhhh-godmother? And where the heck is the nerdy frog prince or does he remain an ugly toad forever? Should I be the sleeping beauty to be kissed by a handsome dude(btw I didn't know that this means I needed to be on an eternal overdose). Where's the candy house that's made of yummy goodies cos all I see is a boring brick house with a redneck puffing cocaine. What about the 7 dwarfs who were to become my life-long friends or are most tall people frozen garden gnomes? Grew my hair very long so I could get a hunk in my balcony but it seems most men are afraid of climbing and perhaps falling flat on their ass? Where's the woodcutter who really saves me from the wolf cos now there are one too many wolves around - does this mean we need a Woodcutters' Training College in each town? What happened to the magic lamp that granted me wishes or has the 500-pairs-of-shoes wish bored the lamp like there's no tomorrow? Does a magical Beanstalk to the skies exist or do I have to catch a Qantas each time? Am I the mermaid that longs for a human prince or am I just a girl who always ends up with a squid of a boyfriend? Where's the Pied Piper to chase away the annoying rats or do the modern rats need JLO to inspire them? How do I weave straw into gold cos I can't even make plain bread for starters! Where are the Barleycorn that sweet little girls emerge from cos the little girls I know today are toothy little vixens who want presents all the time!

Where's the 'Happily Ever After' that only fairy-tales seem to know of? aaarrrrrghhh I forgot...my life isnt a fairy tale ooops! So forget the glass slipper, the prince, the candy house and the darn happily-ever-after! Perhaps I should go get a life (or shoes)...I think shoes are easier ;-). How much of a fairy-tale has your life been?

Current Music: Runaway by Del Shannon

Dream Boat this time...

Guys I just have to share with you the most beautiful dream cruise I went on on Sat night. It was truly a mind-blowing experience to be on that 'Rhythmboat' for 4hrs, cruising around Sydney harbour (going under the Harbour Bridge and around the Opera House passing many beautiful waterfront homes of the rich and the famous, and some very beautiful spots in Sydney...)...in the deep blue night over the tranquil dark-blue waters, chatting with friends, having dinner and listening to some great reggae/pop music from 2 great Jamaican/Aussie singers. We grooved to the music and since we also had 2 Hens' Nights being celebrated on that same boat it was one big party! One of the hens was an Indian chick so guys, there were about 20 ravishing Indian chicks on board, dressed to kill ;-). There was also a fantastic magic show and a comdey show as live entertainment - 2 very funny guys rocked it with some great Aussie jokes and they also acted out some very strong accents from various lands (Aus being a very multi-cultural country now). I was laughing every second when these 2 brothers performed and I nearly fell off my chair chuckling, cos these guys were seriously FUNNY! They also sang patriotic Aussie songs in Polish lol, and na they didnt forget the Indian, Swedish and French accents :). There was this hilarious song about how Aussie culture is rapidly changing into many other cultures, and boys you would have loved the those lyrics cos I heard many howls and whistles from guys :) Then a scrumptious dinner, and then dancing was just superb - the Live music was a mixture of the 80's and 90's so it was great dance music. One girl did some pole dancing cos she was totally stoned lol, and na it wasnt me guys ;-) One more thing..I was really thinking of all of you during that cruise, wishing that you too were with me that night. Just imagine how much fun it would be!

That was the dream boat. But on Sunday night I watched a sad story of a ship that wasnt so much of a dream. Yes we went on a movie marathon and saw Poseidon and The Omen. 'Poseidon' is about a New Year's Eve cruise ship that got buried by a huge wave (Rogue wave) in the middle of the ocean. Though I wasn't so fascinated by the story itself (a bit boring - it lacked visible drama, and as a renowned drama queen ofcourse I didn't like it much :)), the special effects were simply brilliant. The monster wave looked so real and damn scary. The story is about how few survivors used their cranium to get out of the doomed ocean-liner and made their way to rescue. However there are few far-fetched scenes in there such as when Kurt Russel slides down a thin rope from one end to the other of the ship, with his adult daughter on his back (with fire and water beneath and at an alarmingly terrifying height). He did it with so much simplicity and as if it was like swinging from a tree in childhood and with no visible fear at all - whooosh he's at the other end unscathed and looking bored, duhhh! Like it was his second job. That moment reminded me of Rajni Kanth from Tamil movies. It's a pity that Hollywood too is catching that South-Indian-Isaac-Newton-Killing-Movie-Scenes fever. Since this movie was way too short, we decided to catch another on the same night and the choice was 'The Omen'. Rebbz I had you in mind :). Well to be honest I wasn't impressed by this one either. It was boring and there were no scary scenes except for the devil's face appearing on the mirror in a quick flash or two. One interesting thing I noticed was that the infant's skeleton in the grave was like the size of a 5yr old's?? Also the mother's skeleton was of a dinosaur or some sort of animal's. But if that's the case, and since the priest said he witnessed the birth of Damien and saw the mother's face at the hopsital, did that mean a dinosaur was admitted to the hospital for childbirth? Sorry I could not make sense out of that. Anybody who saw this movie, please explain that part to me. But I liked the last scene...it showed how the little devil-possessed Damien was holdng the American President's hand. Was that some super clue or am I guessing it wrong?

Monday we went on a long drive and yeah it was very cold here, but not too bad cos we were a group of family and friends, so we had so much fun, food and relaxation. Na I didnt get to visit the baby on Sunday cos it was too cold and we decided to just veg out at home and then to those movies at night. So that was my AWESOME weekend. How was your's? btw Blogger sucks these days...I couldn't post pics after that first pic, what a bummer!

Current Music:What Is Love by Haddaway

Dream Train

What is life without dreams? Even though some dreams may not seem reachable, it's great and beautiful to dream...for we have to have dreams to live today or else life becomes meaningless and aimless. Someday we may reach those dreams...who knows. So catch the Dream Train every now and then, dream a little dream and say a little prayer whenever you can. Some people search for happiness in the most mistaken places such as in the 'balance' of a bank account, in the hands of many lovers, in a bottle of alcohol, under a sniff of cocaine, in the holy scripts of religion, at the trigger of a machine gun or in material therapy such as houses, cars and belongings. They think Happiness is a destination and so they drive down a long and miserable road till they are very disappointed, 'cos all of the places they searched for it are short-lived. What they don't realise is that the very Happiness they are looking for is not a static destination in this map of Life. It's only a direction. And that direction resides in themselves. Finding that is not so hard if they stop the search for that unavailble destination and start searching for it in themselves. Nothing/Nobody can make you happy except yourself. If you're not happy still, start by dreaming what your happiness is like. Catch that Dream Train and go chuk chuk..chuk chuk..chuk chuk...you may get the answer then.

(click on the pics to enlarge).

It's a long weekend in NSW guys...tomorrow night we are going to a Sydney harbor cruise with dinner, a live show and dancing (just got invited by a friend so I don't even have to pay)...woohoo! Sunday we are off to lunch at a friend's place - she had a baby boy 2 weeks ago so I'll be coochi-cooing most of Sunday. Then on Monday we are going to the Blue Mountains with few friends...just for a scenic drive and some much-needed relaxation. What about your weekend plans? Anyways, catch you guys next time, have a great and safe weekend! chuk chuk..chuk chuk..chuk chuk...chuk chuk....

Current Music:To The Moon And Back by Savage Garden.

Guilty Of Innocence

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEWEL_RAYS (AMY) FOR THE 8TH OF JUNE! LOTS OF LOVE AND KISSES TO YA HUNNY, MWAHHHHHHHHHHH!

I was thinking of watching the latest horror movie 'The Omen' last night, but since it was raining cats, dogs and even kangaroos ;-), we decided to stay indoors. Luckily one of my friends dropped in with the Hindi movie Water, a dvd I have been asking her to lend me since I read about this movie a while back. The director of this movie Deepa Mehta was not allowed to make this movie in India as there were many protests by Hindu extremists against it in 2000. The film was falsely accused of portraying Indian women as prostitutes, being part of a Christian plot against Hinduism, and even supporting the Western oppression of India. Amidst escalating protests, violence and personal death threats against Mehta and lead actors Shabana Azmi and Nandita Das, Mehta decided to cancel the production. That banned this movie in India. Although Mehta was forced to cancel Water in 2000, she never abandoned the project and last year was finally able to resume the production in Sri Lanka under an assumed name and with a new cast and a strict code of secrecy. So we watched Water last night and I was mesmerised by a bubbly little new actress who captured my heart with her very sweet and highly praise-worthy acting. Though this movie was a Hindi movie, the little actress in it is Sarala, a Sri Lankan girl and her acting is simply amazing! She had to learn Hindi (as she only spoke Sinhalese in real) just to do the movie and I think she's a brilliant little girl who is talented beyond her age. She was a treat to my eyes, heart and soul. In this movie, there's also Bollywood actor John Abraham (yes girls he looked hot even in those ancient clothes ;-) and the beautiful Bolly/Hollywood actress Lisa Ray (guys she's stunning!).

For those who haven't seen Water, the movie is about a child-bride and the heavy prices child-widows had to pay in a pre-independent India, set against the backdrop of Mahatma Gandhi's rise to power. 8yr old child-bride Chuyia (actress Sarala) hears of her child-husband's death. Her father, following the ancient custom, cuts Chuyia's long locks, shaves her head and exiles her to a widow's ashram(a spiritual place of refuge) where she is meant to live until the end of her life (yes it used to be plain cruel and unfair a life for widows back then). According to ancient Hindu texts, when a husband dies, the widow has three alternatives: Commit sati (immolate herself on her husband’s funeral pyre), Marry his brother (if one is available), or Live in forced poverty and isolation, withdrawing to an ashram for widows (one like where little Chuyia was sent to). Chuyia's aggressive and lively presence starts to affect the lives of the other widows of various ages in the ashram. She is boisterous, brutally honest and pretty cheeky. Though she is a very small girl, she asks very big questions...questions that the doomed widows in the ashram feared to even think about. She becomes very close with one of the young adult widows in the ashram Kalyani (Lisa Ray), and spends most of the time with her. The movie recites a grueling story of the harsh and punishing lives some widows spent as a result of meaningless ancient customs and poverty. Families that couldn't afford to keep their widowed children at home, sent them away to these kind of ashrams not only because of blind tradition but also because it meant one less plate to serve at home.

These women used to live in the ashram all their lives...from the tender age of 6 or 7 to the day they breathed their last breath. Hiding their desires in fear of society and culture, blinded by a faith that would punish them if they seeked any Earthly pleasures, these women suffered in silence, sacrificing their entire lives just to die one day having done nothing in life that they ever wanted to. How sad is that! I was feeling this immense pain for these women as I watched the movie and felt the need to put some sense into some very cruel people out there but my lips were sealed and my hands were tied already. These women have already served their rigorous jail terms for being a widow and for being a woman. Although it's not as harsh for widows right now, I still see various forms of oppression of widows in Indian/Sri Lankan cultures. My mother was a young widow (and she's a Hindu) and I remember she being victimised once by one of her own friends who thought it was not good for her daughter to see my mum's face as the first thing after she came of age. I also remember how one of my aunts was told not to stand infront of the wedding altar of her own daughter, just cos she is a widow and it's considered a bad omen. There is another young lady we know who's supposedly doomed for life cos she became a very young widow and so nobody even thinks she should remarry! Why are women punished this way when widowed men can go about doing anything and everything in life? Are these women supposed to be dead too just 'cos their men died? How blind and ignorant are we to go on like this even in the 21st century? Is being a widow such a terrible curse or is being a woman something to be guilty of? I think sheer ignorance is the issue here, nothing else. I find it revolting that widowed women are still being treated as cursed women in this modern era. No matter how much you say that the times have changed, the attitude certainly hasn't.

Knocking On Heaven's Door...

Knock Knock...
Who's there?
A lost girl...
What brings you here?
I'm in search of liberation...
You had so many souls who gave it to you but you left them!
But my heart was bleeding...
But these souls didnt leave you??
I know. I received so many letters from Heaven so Im at your door now...
Come in then and liberate yourself in the love of those who really cared!

HUGGGGGGGGGGZ Guys I'm back! Thanks EVERYONE for all the emails/comments giving me so much strength and love since last Friday. No more tears and no more silly dramas, I promise. Cos I realise that so many people here truly care about me and that's a rare considering the experiences I've had in the past. So I must be thankful for having you all as my friends who brighten up my day in countless ways. I'm sorry I was blind and was lost for a while, but I somehow found my way back to Heaven and that's YOU. I'd like to thank each and everyone for not losing faith in me and for speaking great words of wisdom in their genuine efforts to get me back here and guess what guys, it worked like a charm :) I'm here earlier than I thought I'd be mainly because of JD, cos he said that he's going to be away in the Middle East soon and that he doesnt want to leave in my absence. So J here I AM!

I would like to share with you a few great quotes from Buddhism that I have been pondering upon over the weekend:

--There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.
--Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else-you are the one getting burned.
--It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
--Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
--Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.

~~Buddha.

And my own revelation from my many experiences:

Relationships are tough, espeically if you are serious about it. If you're not in it for real, it's quite easy, cos it's easier to pretend that everything is sugary and rosy than to really go through it. And if that novelty in a relationship is lost, it's lost for good. It's like how when a drop of ink falls into the milk, the milk is no longer white and pure. Therefore I'm not going to torture myself with the loss of any friends, cos I haven't really lost anything here but my realisation of SELF. We all cry so much because we are so hooked up on SELF, even though we crave for love from one another - cos it's SELF that we really love so we constantly want to pamper it. I realised that I could have a zillion friends but I can never force them to love me and no matter what, I will always end up by myself. When the curtains are drawn, people go home and the lights are switched off, I will be all by myself. It's any man's story. That's what will always be and so I realised that I need to learn to rely on myself.

Have a great day folks and THANKS SO MUCH for always being there for me!

Current Music: All By Myself by Celine Dion.

Sailing Away

A million charges laid against me. Punishments written down in a very long scroll. You shall be hanged and your crime is you. Your life is worthless and you are doomed. You are heading to a land full of gloom. You left your home, hence you're a vagabond. You're atrocious influence to many virtuous souls. You don't belong in this pure world. In the wilderness of this treacherous life, I stumble and fall. I stand up and keep sailing ahead. I see people smiling, some are frowning. Some are laughing and some hail for a ride. Some hold my hand and some stab me with an invisible dagger. Deadly blizzards and heavy rains always come every now and then. I keep on marching not looking back. In the deep blue night I see an iceberg in the way...will I stop sailing and be glad that I didn't die? Or will I even die while sailing fearlessly? I'm the holder of my map...I'm the sailor of these seas...I'm the goddess of my fate...I'm the doer of my deeds. Your Honor, I'm guilty of the felonies in your court of fear and safety. But I'd rather die while sailing than bow down in cowardice.

One of my favorite poems:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
--William Ernest Henley

I think some people are taking advantage of my blog just to pass time and judgement. And at the end of the day, after reading my honest thoughts here, they call me someone who's trying to get the approval of what I think is right, a great big traitor to many friends, a bad influence, a loser with nothing else to do etc etc. Perhaps to them I'm just a joke and just a net Id to read in the weekends over their morning coffee. You know who you are and you know what...you don't deserve to read my thoughts anymore.

I've had enough of hearing too many charges against me all the time and my blog posts being scrutinised from every angle at the courts of a very flawed law. Unfortunately I live in their land and so like those Judges say, I'm a pain to many and need to go away from all of your lives for good. Thanks all for everything, take care and Bye!

UPDATE:DONT WORRY, I WILL BE BACK AFTER A BREAK.

Selfiship

*Do as I expect please.
*Hear my point of view and you may keep your's silent.
*You didn't do what I thought you'd do so I think you're fake.
*You did the obvious so I still think you're fake.
*My other friends told me that you sound fake.
*You have forgotten me but it's ok that I have forgotten you too.
*Hello I'm handling the strings and you're the puppet.
*You are so popular so you've got to be shallow.
*I've lost that old you just cos I choose to lose you.
*I'm right and you're wrong.
*I got hurt and remember your feelings don't count.
*You were never there for me but it's ok that I wasn't there either.
*Just listen, don't talk cos I don't want to hear you.
*My good friend Jane got hurt but who cares how you got hurt.
*You don't agree with me so I think you're a bad person.
*You questioned my belief so I disrespect you and dump you for life.
*One of your enemies insulted me so I think you're a disease that should be avoided.
*My jealous girlfriend suspects us, so I leave you.
*You're gorgeous! (bull sh#t!).
*I can't forget you but I somehow did and I feel great.
*You're non-existent now, although I bump into you all the time and I pretend as if you're invisible.
*I choose Sally's friendship over your's.
*It's easier to disregard you cos I don't chat with you everyday.
*You stand up for your rights too much so I run away from you.
*You don't fit in my perfect-friend criteria so you're rubbish.
*None of the many sweet things that you are counts anymore, cos you made one mistake.
*I can't stop associating James just cos you are hurt but I can stop associating you.
*You don't come from the same country as I do, so you're less important.
*You are frikkin smart so I'm scared to be around you.

*You're too kind so let's walk all over you.

*You're not gracious so you're still not good enough.

*You challenged my views so you're ignorant.

*You have too many people around you so I'm jealous.

*Be someone else that you're not and I might like you.
*If I avoid you I'm a better friend.

*I have a bunch of other friends, so you're insignificant.
*You are plastic and we are made in Heaven.

Oh Momma, a friend is just a known enemy!

--written after decoding the messages of my many selfish 'friends' that I have known in this lifetime. Wear the cap if it fits ya.

Current Music: Don't Cry by Guns N Roses.