Runaway Spinster

There is this girl I know. She loves to love. I think she's in love with love. She wants to fall in love, she wants a sweet guy who can hold her tight, she wants the wedding dress, the cake, the car, the brides' maids, the wedding song, a wedding waltz, the whole darn thing. And she wants to have kids some day, be a loving mother, a sweet wife, become a private pole-dancer for her husband ;-), be a woman who can give anything that her man needs etc etc yawwwwwwn etc. Too rosy? Rleax cos it's over. Right now she's going out with friends and she does get asked out too. And sometimes when she goes out with a nice guy for coffee and then when he wants to take it to the next level...she freezes right there - FULL STOP! Heyy hold on, what did you want? To get cosy with me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....she dies a sudden death then and there. And suddenly she's not even in his planet anymore.

Ladies and gentleman she's none other than Keshi. It's me guys hehe. Yes you're right, I think I have issues. I think I'm over the top with my freedom that it makes me run away from potential partners. Actually even before running away, I have Fast-Forwarded the scene in my head and I have frozen the reel right there. So I know what to do. I read a similar excellent post on Amy's blog and that's when I realised that I'm not alone. Cos before her post I thought I must be a wierdo that no one wants to know. So thanks Amy for bringing that up cos it puts me in the 'Normal' category - hey Amy it may be just you and me, but 2's better than 1 right :) .Yeah so what is it that makes girls like me and Amy suddenly become marathon runners when guys they meet wanna take it to the next level? I think it's the liberties we have right now that don't wanna make us compromise. Is it a compromise? Well maybe it is I don't know. That may sound like we are a tad selfish or even afraid of r'ships, but it's really not like that (ofcourse there are times when some men scare the hell out of me that it makes me wanna spray Mortein on them). But think about it this way. I have many married friends who are suffering in silence. While few of them appear to be truly happy in their marriages, some others are basically putting up with it. Man, woman, married, kids, fights, boredom, clashes, divorce? No maybe just put up with it. Cos they just have to. Why? Either cos they have kids/shared assets and its too complicated/costly to separate than to stay together OR they are of Indian/Sri Lankan origin that glues them to a marriage for life even if the husband/wife is the Oklahoma bomber. Cos in these cultures divorce is unacceptable and something that's seen as terrible. So there goes your whole life. I don't mean to say that ALL the marriages are fake - I'm sure there are thousands of people who have found their soul-mates and are absolutely happy in their marriages and are now probably thinking Keshi is just all sour grapes. But there's also a whole lot who are disappointed and have no way out. It's happening right in front of me and that disturbs me. I mean what if I fall in love with the wrongest man on Earth and then it becomes too late to get out? I know its all in the risk but is it really worth taking that kind of risk? I know that love is blind and when the right one comes along I might not feel this way and not even run like Roadrunner (I might actually melt in my chair that he might actually run away). But but but...what about Shilpa that I met in the neighborhood who THOUGHT she found the perfect man 10yrs ago, got married to him, had 2 kids with him and now that VERY man is treating her like shit? That is a true story. She cries every single day and my mum and I comfort her most of the time. She's stuck in this horrible marriage cos she doesn't want her kids to suffer and being unemployed, she's helpless. What about the risk that she took in trusting her heart about that man? It went wrong and it very well can go wrong. And what about my aunt and uncle who fell head over heels in LOVE (yes love) with each other, got married, had 3 kids and are now constantly bickering at each other? They don't even sit and talk for even 2 mins! And there are some young friends of mine who are married (maybe for about 5yrs) and still advise me not to get married. One husband is flirting around with so many other women - and yeah that friend of mine initially fell in LOVE too. Eventually are all the sacrifices and the compromises really worth it when it comes to your freedom? Why can't people be in love without bringing law and rules into it? Does love require promises and vows? Or do those very promises and vows make love less than what it really is? Would Shilpa and my aunt have been happier if they didn't get married? It must have been love back then but it's all over now isnt it...and why is that?

Right now my life is good as it is and I really can do without heartbreak. Though I miss the tender lips of a man on mine and my lips are eternally cursing me for it, there's no other need right now hehe (Gawwwwd I'm dying to kiss!). What will I be in 5yrs time, I don't know. But right now I don't wanna be married cos everyone else is. A sweet romance would be nice though but maybe he and I can just dance, kiss and play like kids without taking it any further - without even knowing each others' names or families or any other details. Will love be forever then? Cos the moment we take it to marriage level, that love seems to turn into obilgations. Or it maybe I still haven't met the angel who will take me by his wings and give me all the love I need OR it maybe that I haven't met the devil who will charm me with his magic spell and later on make me his ironing board. I know that either way the risk has to be taken to know what it'll be like. Or shall I just run?

Current Music: It Must Have Been Love by Roxette