Friday, May 29

The Land Of Mystical Beauty!

This is my motherland, this is Sri Lanka! I want the world to know how beautiful a land it is, and amidst all the bloodshed, tears and sufferings in the last few decades, my country did not lose it's strength and beauty. It is all still there and I know she will rise from the ashes and deliver again. Where the British once ruled, where the kings once reigned, where the Buddha once visited, where the temples and nature hum tunes from the heart, where the genuine smiles live, where the lakes and flowers tell you stories, where people will warmly welcome you into their homes, where money is not everything, where the simple life is appreciated, where the culture is rich, where the paddyfields and mountains echo peace, where parents and elders are your God, where the sound of the village temple bells offer you pure bliss, where the green green grass takes you home, where baby Dee lives, and where Keshi was born... :)

Please watch this video with Sound. It gives you a brief intro to where I come heritage...where my heart really is wherever I may go...where my father was born and where he died...where my memories rule...where my culture and life was shaped into what I am today...where my childhood years were spent...where magical beauty lives forever. Watch it to the end, cos I am in this video too ;-) *oii not the monkey ok!* Can you tell me which part I'm referring to when I said I'm in this video? Let's see how clever you are. Good luck and hey have a beautiful weekend! Let Love somehow take you Home...for there is no other place on Earth like Home!

Thursday, May 28

Mocha Chocolata Ya Ya...

Hola amigos! I have some 'Living La Vida Mocha' news for ya! Actually I' ve got breaking news about Diego (re last post Te Quiero Diego ). Dooo yooo waant thoo nawww? Calm down, he didn't ask me out, not yet ;-). But, it looks like Diego looks forward to my daily visits to the cafe as much as I look forward to them ooh lala! His facial and *bloody-hot-beyond-human-comprehension* bodily expressions say so! The moment I walk in to the cafe, he dashes in to the coffee-machine area from wherever he is *drops all current work he's doing, yep the Carribean Queen is here so yeah!* and asks 'how arrrre u todai?' with a deep husky voice which in other words should mean 'how exciting to see u baby!', that makes me wanna say 'good ty, but could be better if u go Sailing with me!'. Seriously the dude seems to have a crush on me. No I'm not hallucinating or joking or blowing my trumpet either. Let me tell you more about his rather 'cluey' behavior this week. Then you decide.

On Tuesday morning I walk into the Cafe, and he comes running towards me with a smile on his face like he's known me all his life since the days he was in diapers *man it's only been 2 weeks or so!*. I thought I'd give him some more time to figure out if this is the way he greets everyone, or is it only me that he's so very clearly 'chuffed' to see. There was a 'granny' who had walked in to the cafe, and even she at the ripe old age of probably 200, couldn't keep her eyes off Diego! *dirty nanna lay off!* She nearly picked him up! I swear she asked him 'where are you from?' with a twinkle in her eye, staring at Diego's hunky back. Flirty granma keep your hands off Diego ok! *well atleast until I get over this crush plz LOL!*. He was very kind to her too but I saw a different look on his face when he was talking to was more like a ur-as-old-as-my-nanna-aww-u-remind-me-of-her kind of look. *thank God Im relieved!*. But whenever he speaks to me it's more like a so-cut-the-crap-woman-now-when-r-we-going-out kinda look. *am I stoked to bits or what!*. So on Tuesday, Wednesday AAAND Today, we chatted longer than usual and I almost forgot that I do have something called an office, and that I had to leave this cafe and go to that office to get back to work! After the super sultry Nanna-in-an-orange-wig left, he went on to ask where I was from *I felt like saying, I'm from Sri Lanka but in the process of getting Colombian citizenship*. Well I told him I was from SL, while I was thinking what other 'cool' questions I could ask him next, and as soon as I wanted to ask something my tongue gave up on me *Am I surprised? no baby no, u r born to be tongue-tied in front of hunks and look like ur in dire need of a speech therapist!*. Anyways, he went on to ask more and more questions about me, like where do I work, which building, what do I do etc etc. When I told him I work as an IT Consultant, he said 'o u smaarrrrrt girrrl! I weeesh I cood work with com-putherrs'. And then I said 'well why dun we swap jobs then?' and tried to smile stylishly like Jennifer Aniston *failed badly cos I'm pretty sure I looked like an idiot*. And he goes 'If I had the brains like yooo, I woood lov to do it'. I was thinking if he had any brains at all within that hunky head he'd have asked me out by now! *rolling eyes* So, I replied 'o well, that has nothing to do with brains, I mean I cant make coffee like u or bake the delicious sweets and food u guys make here. Everyone is good at something'. hmmm I was doing a smartass Salma Hayek there that eventually backfired on me! I felt lke the biggest moron breathing on this planet cos I just confessed I can't make coffee or bake or cook! That would mean I'm a hopeless woman right? WOW Keshi applause applause! Actually my coffee sucks. My friends tell me that the kind of coffee I make *with cold milk straight from the fridge due to a mega-watt lazyness that I'm born with* my husband would leave me for another woman...but I'm not worried. Cos now it looks like my husband would most likely be a coffee maker! ;-)

So, apart from our daily chats, today I nearly passed out and reached Heaven...cloudy room #9 btw! Cos Diego was wearing a black singlet today. You may wonder what's the big deal about it. Well there's indeed a very big deal about it ok, so stop making ugly faces at me. He usually wears a white singlet and even that looks so darn sizzling on him. But the black one, against his mocha complexion, *mildly* hairy chest *trust me I never thought I'd like a guy with a hairy chest but now all that has changed ok, in a span of few days. I'm all FOR hair now, even the Gorilla cut!* and his broad shoulders made me wanna touch him. o yes TOUCH him just like that. I didn't though *dun panic*. I was brought up to behave decently, so yeah there's no chance of me touching him without images of my mum coming up in clouds saying 'Keshi u bad girl, I'm going to have to lock u up in a room for being so naughty...leave that Diego alone or I'll shoot u now and will not attend your funeral either!'. Like it matters. So yeah, no chance you see. Being brought up in a conservative household, I just cant 'touch' certain 'things' *super sad music follows...more like tearjerkers*. So today, he was there again, and he started the convo again *even when I give him my order and remain silent, he's always the first to start the convo*. I prefer to remain silent cos I'm speech-phobic these days...I seem to utter the dumbest of things for some wierd reason. So he asked me what my plans were for the weekend and I went on and on and on as if he really needed to know all of that! Hang on, why am I even going this far? Keshi, stop on your tracks you Speedygonzales, or soon you'll be on pathetic Lost-Love Social Security benefits!

Then, as I got my coffee and gave him the money, his fingers slightly TOUCHED mine! OMG the electricity that passed through my veins right then were of a voltage higher than that of entire Australia's electricity supply! He did realise that too and he looked at me with a sneaky bad-boyish smile. I think he did that on purpose and it kind of took me by surprise. I pretended not to notice though I was 'celebrating' inside my head, but I said goodbye with a slight grin, as he said 'have a gooood weekend, see u on Mondiii!'. And as if I couldn't be any dumber, I turned around and asked him 'well ur not here on Mondays arent u?' OMG what a despo Keshi is! And then he said 'oyeah I'll see u on Tuesdaii!'. I was like, 'ok Keshi WTF is wrong with ya, get out of here before u make him realise ur a stalking dumbo bigger than his cafe!'. So I stepped out of the Cafe in style, trying to walk like a Supermodel on the ramp, in my black boots and black tights, showing off my long legs and stylishly caressing my hair off my forehead, hoping he'd look at me *at that moment I also hoped that I wouldn't trip and fall cos I'm very good at falling down in front of guys. Refer to my massive Falling Encylcopaedia in the archives of this blog*. I walked out of the cafe dreaming about his black singlet and smooth fingertips...I don't think I'll look at black singlets in the same way ever again, neither do I wanna wash my hands right now!

At office, I've been telling everyone about him, and the guys are teasing me badly. They think I go there for Diego and not for the coffee, duh as if! Ask my blog friends, they know I just go there for the good coffee! ;-) Also, that friend who knows about Diego is going to all the coffee shops in her area to find a Diego-equivalent in her life. I asked her to give it up, cos she'll never find another Diego in this world. LOL! At home, I walk around like I'm born Spanish, trying to be a spicey Spanish flame, and practise speaking Spanish infront of the mirror...let me tell ya, it looked pathetic beyond all pathetic things in the world put together! Diego might even have a GF...but it doesn't bother me. This is just a temporary phase but will last a sweet eternity...nothing serious ya know *although I've already dreamt of getting married to Diego, meeting his Spanish family, cooking for him, dining and wining with him, and of other things ahem!*. He told me that he starts work at 5am...and I realised how different our lifestyles are. But we share one thing...the warmth and friendliness about us. Diego is a hottie, not just cos he looks good...but cos his heart is good too. And that attracts me big time. It's no point looking good but being unable to reach out to people. I have met countless goodlooking people but with no charisma or with no personality, and with a huge ego *u know the massive male ego duncha!*. They turn me off big time. Often saying Hi, asking how the other person's day was, smiling, sharing and talking with a total stranger makes a BIG difference in people's lives *both your's and their's*. That's what LIFE is...the simple yet genuine life. So LIVE it and enjoy every second of it people. Be nice to can't expect people to be nice to you without you being nice to them? Smile at someone today and make yourself and them happy, and less lonely, atleast for awhile. And have a Mocha chocolata ya ya! ;-)

Current Music: Take A Chance On Me by ABBA

Monday, May 25

Thank God!

Yes, in the past I have been angry with God, I have abused Him, I have ridiculed Him, I have questioned His existence and His conscience, I have looked down upon Him, I have assured myself He didn't exist, I have thrown fits at Him, I have yelled at Him and I also thought I was losing my faith in Him at a speed that could land me the highest 'speeding' ticket ever! But, in the last 2 weeks He finally proved to me that I was wrong...that He indeed exists and that all my fits were due to the fact that it takes time for Him to win the confidence in me....and that Confidence is my own hard work.

Don't ask me how, why, what, when, where, but alot of what happened quite fast in the last 14 days proved to me that He is indeed watching us from afar. I have never been too religious although somewhere deep down my heart I had kept a shimmering little shrine for God. And that flame never died...only that it flickered madly every now and then. Amidst my greatest fears, vile tantrums, aggressive demands and deafening screams, He never seem to have left my side. I was the fragile one swaying in the breeze, He was the stone made of Love.

Remember I told you I was under severe pressure and tonns of stress a couple of days ago? And I never thought I'd be able to break this news to you so soon, never! I really thought I'd be coming back to Blogville maybe in Aug or Sept, and that too with my dreams crushed. But I'm here sooner than that with a new dream realised, a totally unexpected one, cos God's hand played a part in my life at last, and a miracle took place last week! I cannot disclose all the information or how all the events unfolded here in my blog due to privacy reasons, but all I can tell you is it was nothing but a miracle. I'm not a person who foolishly believes or imagines things like that, but I do know very well when something is out of the ordinary...and when God plays a part in a certain situation, it becomes very obvious to me. Such situations are few and far between in my life but when they happen, they happen in a phenomenal way. And for it to happen in such a short time and the way that I had wanted it to but beyond all hopes, it has to be through divine intervention and an angelic touch!

Thanks for all your prayers and positive vibes...I'm over that phase now and I'm now a new Home owner! I bought my first property ever and all on my own :). It was not planned, neither did I ever think I was gonna buy a place so soon. I was pushed to buy a place in a miraculous way! The circumstances under which it all happened is still a wonder to me, and all I can say is that all the hard work in my life didn't go invain after all. I always believed that if you work hard, if you treat people with kindness no matter how they treat you, if you are honest, if you give life your best, you will somehow succeed some day. God will look at you some day, if not today. I lost my dad when I was in my teens, my mum brought us up all by herself, I did my best in school and at Uni, I paved my own path once I joined work, I got my own car, I paid all my debts and now I'm standing on my own 2 feet, and looking after mum as well. I'm not overjoyed that I bought a house all by myself (alot of people do that on their own), but I'm really happy that I could go this far in life after all the struggles in my life, when so many people were throwing stones at me, some never believed I'd do well in life and when I myself at some stage doubted if I could make it or not. But today, I realise that hard work indeed pays off some day. And that some day you will get what you deserve. So don't give up, don't let others get to you, work hard, stay focused, and most important of all, don't forget that God will arrive when the time is right. It most probably will be at a least expected time *yeah he's notorious! ;-)*. And don't let that fire in you die...let it keep burning for Him amidst all your doubts and troubles somehow. And just be free, be happy, be whoever you are and keep smiling no matter what.

I was going to be in London on the 15th of May for a wedding, and then to Paris...after everything was planned for the trip including my saree, tickets etc, my trip suddenly got cancelled due to some urgent work here at home, but in a rather mysetrious way...and then something else happened that pushed me into buying the place w.o. any prior plans at all! Everything happened so fast, totally unplanned and under alot of pressure. Eventually it all turned out to be for the best. I guess certain events happen in our lives for a pretty good reason. Now I strongly believe in Destiny more than ever before. I have just signed the a couple of weeks, I get the house that I bought through my own hard work and with no HELP at all except from one person. Thank GOD! ;-)

Current Music: Now I Can Dance by Tina Arena

Tuesday, May 19

Looking Back Before Going Forward...

Yesterday my motherland Sri Lanka proclaimed that the 30yr long war was finally over! That the LTTE had been destroyed to the core and it's leader gunned down. While most Sri Lankans around the world are 'celebrating' this defining moment in history, I'm not sure if I can 'celebrate' a bloodbath. So many lives were taken, so many people left destitute, so many kids orphaned, so much of bloodshed and tears. I myself lost 2 uncles who were in the forces, and so many others lost their loved-ones in this awfully long and draining battle. I don't know if I can rejoice a bloodbath. For I cannot find a 'happy' piece among the million shattered pieces of so many lives. I really don't believe that we can find Peace among so much of Violence. It is hard for me to look at the sad faces of scores of innocents in camps, dead bodies, destruction, rivers of blood and tears, and say 'hey I celebrate this day'. I'm sorry my fellowmen I cannot do that somehow. I'm far away from the real situation in SL and it is not my nature to just go with what everyone is doing...I just stop and think before I do something. To me, a celebration means a happy moment, far from death and violence, be it for any purpose. Though I'm relieved that this may be the beginning of a fresh era for my country, I don't see any reason to dance about a war that deprived so many people of their lives and dreams.

So, today is a day that I look back. Looking back is important before we rush forward. It is important to remember the ruins, the ashes, the blood and the tears that carved the path for TODAY to arrive. So, I just want to remember my 2 dearest uncles and all those men and women who laid down their lives for us to have this day. I just want to remember all those innocents who died in countless suicide attacks all around the country over so many years. I just want to remember all those innocent civilians and children that had no opinion whatsoever on this war who had their lives altered forever. I just want to remember those who were forced to shutup and die just cos they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I just want to remember those who were deprived of their basic human rights and human equality just cos they were born into a Tamil/Sinhalese family. I just want to remember those innocent Tamil youth who were mislead by the LTTE and had their lives destroyed for nothing. I just want to remember all the brave soldiers who sacrificed their lives for us to have this day. The truth is it didn't even have to get to this if people knew what Tolerance, Respect and Humanity were. I just want to remember each and everyone who is not here today (both Tamil and Sinhalese), only because they paved a path for us to see this day at the cost of their own lives. We know not what we do...but I shall always remember you. Today I don't want to CELEBRATE, I just want to REMEMBER.

Current Music: Sathyam Shivam Sundaram (Hindi bhajan)

Wednesday, May 13

Living On The Edge...

I'm sure many of you must be wondering what my disappearing act was all about. Hey I'm still alive :). Thanks Ria, Mayz and Rakesh for being so concerned. I got too busy at work and things at home took a sudden and sharp turn. Changes. Yes that's what I'm going through right now. And it's not a slow change. It's a very fast one where I have to make on-the-spot decisions without much time left to ponder upon. I have always been a self-made person. Nothing about me is borrowed, bought or forced upon. So, for a person like me, I have no one to turn to or ask for help. I don't like asking for help unless I'm totally near-death :). Even then I'm not sure if I will ask for help...I might die with some dignity. Why do I sound so proud? Well I did ask for help long time ago, and I have given the dues in return too. But I learnt a big lesson. Depending on others often makes you a slave. Some people help without any expectations and never remind you of the help so generously offered. Some others spew venom on you for years and years. And yes I have been at the receiving end of it and I know just how it it rips your heart and makes you bleed. Something that someone said recently shook me totally. But it's all good. Cos I believe that God or nature (or whatever it is) don't put you with people and circumstances that you want to be with. We are put with people and situations that we can learn from...where our personalities grow and develop from those very experiences. If not, it will be one big happy party you will never wake up from. Though it sounds good to be like that, I'm sure we will all get tired from it, especially when there are no challenges. Life is about challenges. And those challenges come in the form of people you can't get along with, situations that make you feel like you're better off dead, sudden changes that don't give you ample time at all. I'm in such a situation right now. Though I'd like to be somewhere else right now dipping my toes in cool waters of Haiti or Hawaii, somehow I see that I'm walking fast towards my distant dream right now. Difficult situations in life sometimes pushes you towards reaching a dream much faster than you thought you would. A dream that slumbered at the back of my mind as a 'some day' kind of realisation, is now approaching me faster than I ever thought it could. That's the good thing about sudden changes. It wakes you up from your sleep and makes you work harder...under pressure it may be, but I know that from almost all the achievements in my life so far, I've worked the best when I'm pushed to the limit and when I am given no time and space to flirt with.

Right now, I'm living 48hr days, packing as much time as I could into my schedule, balancing both work and the personal issues at hand. And I'm proud of myself. Cos now I realise my potential even more. I can do amazing things. I will survive this. And I know I will walk out of it unscathed. Cos my instincts say so. And I believe one's Instincts is the best mentor one else. I don't want your help, I don't want your guidance, I don't want to cry on your shoulder, cos I have my Instincts. And with that, I will get by and I will live, be it on edge or not. And I promise I will show you what I'm capable of by myself. I like taking risks and I don't mind seeing myself dangling at the edge of the cliff. I'd like to test the unknown territories of my survival instincts. Cos if I don't get pushed, I'll never know them. You gottta be pushed to KNOW your potential. Your wings need to be ripped off and stolen from you for you to find new skills in you...

btw I won't be regular with blogs as much as I'd like to be for the next X amount of days/weeks, I don't know. It all depends how my fate unfolds in the next couple of weeks. But I'll be here checking comments, publishing them and dropping by your blogs whenever I can. I will reply to you all and I will also post whenever I get time, I promise. This doesn't mean I'm leaving Blogville, so don't panic. Just that I won't be as regular as I used to be til I sort out the current issues, that's all. Please bear with me and I hope you'd understand where I'm coming from. Thanks to all those who keep dropping by my blog even though I haven't been visiting you for some time means alot to me. Send me alot of positive vibes and your love please :). Stay gold maties MWAH luv ya all!

Current Music: Hello by Evanescence

Friday, May 8

Read My Heart!

It's Vesak! Vesak encompasses the Birth, Enlightenment (Nirvana), and Passing (Parinirvana) of Gautama Buddha. In my childhood days, I used to make Vesak lanterns like this one with my cousins and friends, and hang them around our house during the Vesak period. It made me very happy. The light that resonates through the Vesak lanterns lit my heart up. It was such a joy and I still love them so very much. The significance of Vesak always played an important part in my life...the birth, enlightenment and the death of the Buddha is very similar to anyone's life. We are all born, we all LEARN something or the other, and then we all die some day. Although not everyone can be a Buddha, I believe each one of us learns something 'significant', to the best of our abilities during our lives. I just wanna wish you all a very happy Vesak! May your hearts light up with love and may your lives stay 'enlightened' always!

Also, there's something I need to tell a Sri Lankan blogger who visits my blog regularly (yes I can trace the time you spend here, and your IP and what-nots), and then goes back to his blog and writes abusive things about me. You know who you are. So, on this Vesak day, I'd like to tell you that freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom of abuse. There's a slight but very sharp difference. I don't know you. You don't know me. But I've been watching you over the years in total silence, how you just pick random people at your own will and abuse them in your blog. It's not very cool btw. Today is the day I wish to break the silence for your own good. I hope you just live and let live. If not, I have about 500 very smart blog friends here from all over the world, that I could bring over to your blog, so they can read your 'wonderful' posts about me and perhaps give you 'suggestions' on how to be a better blogger. One who doesn't trespass on others? Not a threat here, just a good ol' solution to people who seem to need some help with 'sensible' blogging. Words don't get to me. They are mere words. Just cos someone abuses me using harsh words, that doesnt mean I am any of that. When someone abuses you, it is usually a cry for help and I aint gonna lick anyone's wounds. I will keep silent. The one who refuses to cop any abuse and does that in total silence, is the wisest of all. I just want you to realise how much damage you're doing to yourself by abusing people this way...people you don't even know (it baffles me that anyone would really wanna do that...such people must live empty lives). Now sharpen up and good luck!

On to materialistic things now. Take a good look at this pic. It was taken 2 days ago. Well I'm going to give you a list of possible things that I may be wishing for behind that 'look' on my face. All you've got to do is guess the right answer. Kapish? Let's see how many of you can read my HEART or how many of you are good psychologists or clairvoyants, whatever it is! :) Good luck!

What do I want from Genie right now? What am I thinking of right now?

1. Wedding plans with Diego *whopppa!!*
2. Brief getaway in Europe

3. Making a Vesak lantern *and shoving it over someone's head!*
4. Buying a brandnew unit of my own
5. Hoping some people would get a life, if not some therapy!
6. New shoes Keshi new shoes yes yes yes! *orgasmic yes!*
7. Going to Hollywood and trying my best to become the next Penelope Cruz!
8. Breaking into Diego's house at night! *there's a reason for choosing NIGHT btw lol!*
9. Enrolling for a Spanish degree at Uni *como estas Amigas? right now I'm only a Google dependent Spaniard
10. Saying yes to a hot Aussie bloke who asked me out

There could only be 1 answer for this pic. So go ahead, have fun guessing. btw I'm yet to come around to your blogs..I have been pretty slack lately, sorry, too busy at work. Will do so as soon as I get some time ok. Thanks for being so patient with me. And please continue to pray for Ne (re: my last post). And hey have a good weekend all!

Current Music: Genie by Christina Aguilera

Thursday, May 7

Iranam Pavasa...

Do you know what the title means? It's in Sinhalese and it means 'Destiny's Thirst'. Have you ever loved someone so much that parting with them took away a huge chunk of you with it? I have. That's why I feel I'm qualified to write this post, with the huge hole in my heart that gives me the strength to pen down my feelings exactly the way they are. My writing here are the ashes that are left from the fire that burnt my heart and left it with forever-scars. The ink that I write with are the feelings that I feel. I wasn't sure if I should write this post today but it dawned upon me that I should write it when my feelings are raw. So here I am. We have loved-ones that we'd like to live with forever but even a Love that strong cannot win with Destiny. Cos if I could redesign my Destiny, I'd have the people I want in my life right now. But some things are just not meant to be. And life has to go the hands of Destiny.

You went towards your were called by had to just had to quench Destiny's Thirst didnt you? No, you didn't want to leave, you never thought you would. But can we stop getting thirsty? Can we stop getting hungry? Even we can't. We had our plans and while we were busy making plans, Fate had it's own plans for us. And you went towards it when all I could do was stand here, watching you go. You just had to quench the thirst of Destiny, but you left me parched and starving for you til the end of time. But what am I in the face of Destiny? What is my thirst compared to the thirst of Destiny? I cannot make you stay, I don't have the power to change your Destiny, I don't have a magic wand to grant me all my I watched you I cried as I stood helpless, letting you fulfill your Destiny...letting your Destiny change my life, and making me go towards my own Destiny.

This post is dedicated to my darling friend Nehya who lost her dearest dad 2 days ago. I love you hunny and please know that I'm thinking of you and I know exactly how you feel right now. Fathers when they leave, we are left with a thirst that will never be quenched. I have never met your dad in person but I can quite confidently say I have 'met' Through you. You're a beautiful person, in and out, and there's no doubt that your parents are equally lovely people. They have raised you so well and I can tell that your dad brought me to you, hence himself through you. I love what I saw in you, and I say THANKS to your dad for the preciousness he engraved in you. He's a gentleman and a truly genuine soul, I respect him alot. I know nothing I say right now can comfort the huge loss you're dealing with. So all I want you to know is that I'm here for you. It's a long road ahead Ne...but you will come to terms with it and you will learn to live with it one day. Just know that ok.

This song is one of my fav Sinhalese songs, from an old movie called 'Ganga Addara' (it means, by the river) that I watched with my dearest dad long time ago. I was only a little girl then. I remember holding my dad's hand, walking with him, asking him silly questions, watching his wide smile, hearing his deep but gentle voice...getting a lil scared when he scolded me. I remember his face...I remember his love. I remember the day he went towards his his Destiny's thirst cost me my best mate ever...also, how it all gained me a strength and courage like never before. This song takes me to a distant past...a faraway a beautiful a memorable face.

oba ruva chaaya...sanga we paaya...
(images of you, come to the surface, and then hide away...)

Current Music: Ganga Addara by Vijaya Kumaratunga

Tuesday, May 5

Te Queiro Diego!

Yes I know this wont last. I know it's only a silly crush. I know suddenly something is so not Keshi-like. I know this isnt me. I know this feeling is not forever to stay. I know, I know. But let me tell you about the 'source' of this sweet feeling that doesn't come to us so often. Forever it may not last, but I'm indulging in it while it lasts. And it started at a cafe, with a coffee 'machine' made in on!

A hot Colombian guy has landed in my regular coffee shop as the new coffee-maker since last week. OMG! And he's soooooo hot, body and soul. At first sight, I thought he's Ricky Martin's brother, yes he looks so much like him! *no gay jokes plz*. He looks so good...great face, hot dark hair, superb physique and a warm smile *as warm as the coffee is!*. Why do Spanish dudes look ultra hot and also know just how to talk to women? If it's a typical Sri Lankan guy, the first thing he'll ask me is if I'm married *rolling eyes...broken record sounds follow...*. But this dude had me in total trauma *good trauma* the moment I saw him and I was like 'omg did God finally hear my prayers from his drunken state of mind that has lasted too long actually'. Ok alright, calm down Keshi, he's only a new guy in your coffee shop, and he's good-looking, so what? I'll tell ya what. On the first day, he made me coffee that tasted like coffee-made-in-heaven *no I haven't been to heaven so stop laughing plz*. LOL no I'm not just saying that cos I kinda have a crush on him...I'm saying that cos he really did make good coffee. He goes 'I a make a you a goood cawfee oki?' in his rather flamboyant Spanish accent and all I could do was smile in a shy manner *why was I doing that? wake up you lovelorn dingbat! you failed me Keshi*. And then I realised that he was right...the 'cawfee' was indeed really gooooood :). And yesterday when I so anxiously hit the coffee shop, he was not there damn! :( *I felt like a stupid teenager looking forward to see her crush and becoming suicidal over not seeing him!*. And then I realised he doesnt work on Mondays *I noted it down in my mental diary..yeah I'm kinda becoming stalkerish, forgive me for that!*. Today, he was there OMG! *I was feeling dizzy when I saw him*. And then it dawned upon me that he's not only a great coffee 'machine', but also a massive flirt! Cos he had this charming, flirtish, hubba-hubba kinda smile on his face as he made my coffee. And then, without my permission from myself, I blurted out 'you don't work on Mondays do u?'. I was in shock that I actually asked him that! Desperate moment I guess. And then he smilingly asked me 'whaay, doo you miss me on Mondis?' in his cute Spanish accent and donned a very flirtish smirk. That's it! I was in cloud 9 and was thinking maybe God came in this Colombian avatar just to spice up my nerdy love life *he's doing a great job btw cos atleast he's not preachy-with-no-action in this avatar*. I replied 'ehhh yes, no! I miss your good coffee though' and smiled embarassingly. And he goes 'thank yooo, u shoood tell that to maii bosse next taimme'. I said I will...cmon I'd love to help him get a pay rise or a permanent position. So I made that an excuse and asked him what his name is HAHA! And his name is Diego! Suddenly I wanna go to San Diego *no, it has no connection to Colombia, incase you're wondering*. One of my friends heard about him from me, and now she wants a pic of Diego. Do you think I can take a pic of him without getting arrested? No I never did this kinda thing in my life neither do I wanna give it a shot at being on the newspaper for harassing a coffee maker with my mobile phone camera!

Now I look forward to coming to work more than ever before *wake up early and all*. o cmon I'm not so despo, but I could do with just a lil harmless flirting in my life, what do you say? Apparently, it's good for your gym instructor said so ;-). *lo and behold he's right!* I don't need no Calcium and I don't need no Jogging to keep me fit. A Mocha with 1 sugar and extra 'Diego' will do! *well atleast right now it will*. Jealous girls? ;-) I just hope I don't go there tomorrow morning and say 'mocha mocha mocha mocha mocha suga suga suga suga suga mocha diego plz!'

Lo siento, estoy enamorado con ti-go! ;-)

Current Music: Volveras by Ricky Martin

Monday, May 4

Broken Beyond Breaking...

Last night I couldn't sleep...the insomniac in me decided to pay me a visit and I was wide awake while everyone in town was fast asleep. My mind wandered, wandered to the distant past when I slept in peace, without a care...a child with happy dreams and a world waiting to unravel before me. What have I become? Over the years, I have turned into a restless, sleep-deprived, hopeless junkie of some sorts. Now I wanna run away from that same world I so anticipated. Something is eating me alive. And I don't know what it is. Maybe I lost my way. Maybe I have become immune to what most people call building a future or living a 'normal' life is. I don't follow the norm anyways. yeah I'm an abnormal girl..some kind of beast that the 'normal' crowd won't appreciate. Not that I care anyways. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Neither do I know what keeps me going somehow. Sometimes I feel this is all a bore, a pseudo drama that needs to be staged in order to get be be accepted. But why do I even have to get by? Who am I trying to impress? Why do I even have to? I put my iPod on and the first song it played was 'Dumb' by Nirvana. Yes! At that moment I was feeling pretty dumb...pretty ridiculous...pretty useless...pretty small. What am I? No wait, what the hell am I? haaaaaha! It's all such a joke and all the people are playing a dumb game. Isn't life rather funny? The things we do, the way we take the smallest of things and put them on a pedestal and worship them. The way we spend a lifetime chasing something that may not matter at all in the end. The way we give importance to the silliest of things that somehow keeps us hooked at the cost of other things. The way we pretend, the way we just float, the way we walk around in pieces. I saw myself trying to piece together a million shattered pieces of me. And I also saw myself being afraid of breaking again. You cannot break something that's already broken, can you? I laughed at myself. Then I fell asleep.

~~Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
soul is cheap...
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up~~

Current Music: Dumb by Nirvana