Friday, February 9

When The Clock Strikes 6

February 11th is the day my dad died. He was only 44 when he left this world. I don't look forward to this weekend cos it hurts to think that he's no more. Even though it's been a long time now, it seems like just yesterday that he hugged me and my sis. He used to do that all the time. He used to sit between both of us and just squeeze us with his big arms saying 'I love you two very much'. I was a little girl then. Now that I'm all grown up and standing on my own two feet, I haven't got my dad by my side. That's not such a great feeling btw. Cos of that, I don't feel so happy about my so-called great achievements. Cos he used to be at my every Prize-Giving in school. He was the only one who was truly proud of my many achievements back in school. Now he doesn't even know what kind of work I do, how I look now, what kind of girl I have turned out to be, my heartbreaks, what my car is like, my blog and all of you lovely friends that I have made. What would he have thought then? Would he be watching me when I sit on my couch and think of him, eat my brekky, go for long walks, hug my mum, get angry and cry...would he be watching? I dunno. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.

He died on a Saturday morning at around 6am. He was not sick at all. He was a strong young man with alot to do in life. That night he slept in my room - it was wierd why he chose my room that night. I remember I was sleeping next to him on the other bed. Mum and sis slept in the other room. We talked for a while before falling asleep. At around 6am, mum came to wake him up. He wouldn't say a word or shake an arm. I remember I was staring at mum waiting for him to respond. He was facing the wall, fast asleep - it seemed like that. Little did I know he was gone far away from me by then. Mum knew in few mins that he was gone. She screamed and collapsed. I didn't know what was going on...I was only 15. I couldn't imagine that my dad, the very good-looking, tall, strong, young man was dead. I really couldn't believe it cos I thought he was going to live forever...atleast till I was old and he was very old. That's what dads are supposed to be like. Suddenly alot of people started to come over to my place, and an ambulance was called in. They took my dad with them. I remember how they carried him off the bed and put him on stretches. It was not a scene I can take my mind off cos he was never like that before. I was hoping he would return well and alive. I remember hoping so hard for that. Instead he came back in a coffin. That was the day I changed forever. I remember how our lives changed vastly from that day onwards. I remember so well. It was wierd having to start life all over again without him at home. It was the most traumatic experience in my life which has left a pain that will never cease to exist.

Dad I miss you like you'd never know. Goodbye for now, but I hope we'd meet again someday somewhere and get to be together for a very long time. Do you know I think of you all the time? When I drive, I think of how you used to drive me around. You'd be thrilled to see me driving these days and sharing a bit of the road-rage you used to have. I remember how you took great care of all the dogs we had. Do you know I don't have any pets now? It's wierd, yeah I know. Anyways it's not easy living without you. Would you have thought that you'd leave us just like that? I know you'd never have wanted to. Sometimes I wonder if you can see me, cos I feel your spirit around me...sometimes I do. Is that really you? I wish I could touch your face and hold your hand...I wish I could tell you how much I love you, just like you used to tell us. You may be gone but your Love remains right here dad...and it keeps me alive. Your Love is the reason why I'm alive.

Guys this is not a post to get sympathy/attention. This came truly from my heart and I just want it to be a tribute to my dad. It's amazing how the pain is still very raw. You'll never know how much you need/love someone till they're gone. People are irreplaceable so please cherish them and let them know that you care for them, while they're alive. For it's no point saying it after they are gone. Who's gonna listen and who's gonna respond?

On Sunday we will be going to a Buddhist temple to offer prayers in memory of my loving dad. I will be shedding alot of tears but that's nothing new. The day he died a part of me died too.
Sorry to make you all sad and thanks all for listening. I hope you will have a good weekend, Take Care folks!




Current Music: The Reason by Hoobastank

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Shitrint said...

keshi im so sorry...

i cried...

take care girl! u deserve a lot better in life! :)

*hugs*

Jim said...

February 11th shud be a happy day
coz it brings back memories


Dads and Moms are irreplaceable i no

but then i recall wat SRK said about the passing of his mom as he sat by her side in her last moments

She wanted to go
but he wanted her to stay
dat makes dying difficult


then he let go
and she died peacefully

all the awards SRK receives
he dedicates to his mom

his mom didnt get to see his success in Bollywood

and he regrets she is not here to share in his new found fame

Jim said...

SRK auto=biography
about his dad ...


He died when I was 15. We went on a holiday. And going for a holiday with my father was not to enjoy your stay in luxurious hotels, sight-seeing and eating various delicacies. It means roughing it out. We went to Itanagar and drove in a jonga (a four-wheeler driven in Pakistan then) to Lahore. From Lahore we sat in really crowded tempo and travelled for hours to Peshawar. We stayed in a uncomfortable hotel as we had not made reservations beforehand. My father wanted to keep us in touch with reality. Even though I was educated in a sophisticated Irish School, I am down-to-earth. I have read varied books, done my Masters and am a star, but I feel in touch with reality. I don’t think like a star and feel that I should not meet XYZ people. That has been imbibed from my dad.

Jim said...

Very few people know I used to write what I thought were Urdu couplets. Coming from an Islamic family everyone around spoke in Urdu. My father would read out bedtime stories in Urdu and sometimes also recite the poems of Ghalib and Iqbal to us. I guess my interest arose in writing such couplets because of this. My father encouraged me to think of couplets and write these poems. He even made a book in which he would pen down all that I recited, in his own hand in Urdu. I still have it with me. It is one of my fondest possessions. When he died there was no one to pen down my poems in that book. I didn't really ever learn to write Urdu. I sometimes have friends who can read Urdu read it out to me. I find the couplets and poems very amateurish and childish. But all the same the book, which is known as a diwan in Urdu, is my fondest link with my father.

When my father died, I didn't cry. I thought it was heroic. I was one of the pall-bearers and thought I had become a little big man. But I felt cheated despite the fact that he had prepared me for his death.

Jim said...

... And my mother's death made me realize that nothing is permanent. I stopped hoping for anything. I cried a lot. Nothing shocks me anymore.

It was the most painful moment of my life, when my mother died in my arms. She had become alright and suddenly she died. Just like Dad. Her blood had become septic. It was very painful. The first time I prayed to God was when she lay dying. I never prayed, that's the kind of family we were. A Muslim family that never forced you to pray. And it was the first time, I really prayed, but she died all the same.

Jim said...

http://www.pyara.com/shahrukh/about.htm

azuka said...

It shall be well Keshi.

I won't pretend to know how it feels because everyone feels differently about losing a loved one. Take care. You'll go through it like other years.

Vivhyd said...

Keshi... my thoughts n prayers go out to you.. be strong!

WRYTER 07 said...

Keshi

I'm speechless.

Say a prayer on my behalf.

I do not mention a lot about my personal life; however, my parents died suddenly when I was very young.

Maybe, it is good that I cannot remember, maybe not.

You have beautiful memories to cherish.

Take care my friend.

Hugs all the way.

Bev

Anonymous said...

FUCK !
i cried too

Blessed said...

First off
Big ole {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}
and now another
{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}
Keshi,
I know your dad is right there with you every step you take.
and now a peom by Colleen Hitchcock. I can picture your dad saying this to you:

"And if I go, while you're still here....know I still live on,
Vibrating to a different measure
behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
So you must have faith.
I wait the time when we can soar
together again,
both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest and when you need me,
just whisper my name in your heart,.........I will be there."

And Keshi I know he is there.
Much love, hugs, peace and many blessings my dear sweet Keshi.
I cannot imagine your pain.

Aditi said...

**hug**

southpaw said...

Threw me back in the lanes where i don't prefer to go at all. Thank u.

And i m sorry abt ur dad, i m really sorry.

The Phosgene Kid said...

That's a tough one. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my folks, sometimes wishing I could call my dad and just chat. Scars that don't shwo are worse then the ones that do.

Kumar Chetan said...

as the Jim/saby quotes SRK, "its the parting that makes us feel sad".
Death is a bitter truth and you will have to face it.

krystyna said...

Hi Keshi!
My table is full of tears reading your today's post and Jim's comments. It is very sad and any words can explain "why?".
This post is a wonderful memory.

"You'll never know how much you need/love someone till they're gone. People are irreplaceable so please cherish them and let them know that you care for them, while they're alive. For it's no point saying it after they are gone. Who's gonna listen and who's gonna respond?" - so true words!!

Take good care Keshi!

lalitha said...

Keshi..I want to give you a big big Hug and wipe your tears.It is really hard to lose a loved one.and the pain stays on forever.I lost both my parents and know how it feels.Every day I wish they were here to see me, and to see my kids.I know your Dad is looking down on you and is proud of the person you have become."J" lost his father at a very young age and feels sad also. I love these lines and I wish everyone would remember it""You'll never know how much you need/love someone till they're gone. People are irreplaceable so please cherish them and let them know that you care for them, while they're alive" You said it well.

Silvara said...

I...I dunno what to say Keshi. *BIG HUG*

I was about to cry because I know that pain - I can't imagine life without my Dad and it hurts to think that one day my parents will be gone. My prayers are with you, Keshi, be strong...be happy....I believe your Dad would be very proud of you. Be a family this weekend and just remember the good times.

Lots of love coming your way.....

priya said...

Keshi: I know and understnad what it means. I have been ther and its very difficult even after years keep rolling. You don't make us sad, your best memories with your dad you cherished is good to share with all.

DJ said...

sorry...may his soul rest in peace...

Thumbelina said...

Keshi,

I'm so sorry..

Abit of sorry tat i made u remember ur dad & made u cried...

Abit of sorry for making u recall the whole actual event tat happen (like wat i mentioned in my blog abt Grandma)..

**He used to sit between both of us and just squeeze us with his big arms saying 'I love you two very much'.

- My mum and dad have never done this before to me. :( But my Grandma has! Tat explains my love for her...

**Now he doesn't even know what kind of work I do, how I look now, what kind of girl I have turned out to be, my heartbreaks, what my car is like, my blog and all of you lovely friends that I have made.
I'm sure he's there with you. Wherever you may be.. Whatever you are doing.. I'm sure he's watching you. He wants you do be good.


I'm sure he knows. He knows wat great friend u have here & out there looking after u. He know how ur friend shower their care & love for u.

**Would he be watching me when I sit on my couch and think of him, eat my brekky, go for long walks, hug my mum, get angry and cry...would he be watching? I dunno. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.

- A part of me believes tat he does.. Maybe as u were typing this blog entry, he was all the way beside u, shedding tears together with u, and giving u a big hug?

**it was wierd why he chose my room that night

- My mum & other relatives told me before, when someone is about to leave for good, they tend to do some things which are weird, abnormal & say things they normally wouldn't say...

**I was hoping he would return well and alive. I remember hoping so hard for that. Instead he came back in a coffin.

- I felt the same way too when my uncle started to call the doctor to come down to check on Grandma... Hoping tat somehow, he could revive my Grandma & bring her back to us again.. But.. it didnt happen.. Instead, he annouched tat she had left... :(

**It was wierd having to start life all over again without him at home. It was the most traumatic experience in my life which has left a pain that will never cease to exist.

- Yes. It was really weird.. Its like something is missing.. Things we used to do together isn't tat fun or happy anymore... A very deep & extreme pain is always there in my heart just llike u..

**You're Love is the reason why I'm alive.

- I love the way u pharse it.. It simply spells out abt me & Grandma...

Dun be afraid to shed tears when u're at the temple.. Let it all out... U know something, every year when i go & pray my Grandma at the cemetry.. I always end up in tears.. I just duno why... I feel so lost without Grandma... (Tears flowing again..)

Thumbelina

Thumbelina said...

Sorry abt my sudden stop in my earlier comment..

Wasn't in the state to write more cos tears were flowing uncontrollably.. Had to stop & calm down...

Thumbelina

musings (m000nie) said...

u got me missing my dad too now.. i was his pet.. n once he got really angry at me whn i was a kid n slapped me.. all his life after that he would keep on repenting..

we all miss someone who we loved n isnt with us anymore.. my dads death too haunts me.. but im also happy that i was with him in his last hours..

hugss.. i just hope u dont cry.. i never cry on my papas death anniversary.. even whn i miss him a lot.. because i believe if i cry he will become sad, where ever he is now.. so b happy girl...

Cazzie!!! said...

Keshi, if you were my daughter I would be so proud of you!! You are smart, funny and sensitive to other people's thoughts, that is what we as parents all hope and dream for our children. The fact that you stand on your own two feet would be largely due to the fact that it was HE who taught you all these worldly things from such a young age.
Keshi, celebrate his life hon...and make sure if you feel like crying, cry. It is ok to do this. It makes more room for goodness to get into your body. Turn the tears into joy.
Huggs to you at this time, sending positive thoughts your way Keshi my dear friend...
Cazzie!!!

Aidan said...

Keshi that was beautiful, i havnt cried for a while but i shed a tear lost in beautiful humanity.

I am at a loss as to what to say... People always remain in memory, cherish those beautiful moments of youth, if he saw this post and how many people it has effected (in reflection) there is no doubt that he would be proud.

take care out there

aidan

Jay said...

It's very difficult to lose a parent. My dad died ten years ago. It still seems like yesterday.

*hugs*

Outdoorsy Girl said...

Keshi, I'm cried when I read this. This post is a beautiful tribute to your dad. I can tell just through your words what a wonderful man he was and obviously this part of him still lives through you.

I have no doubt that he is proud of you, too. He knows what a great woman you have grown in to. I just know it. :)

Jewel Rays said...

Dearest Keshi,

You are courageous Keshi.

It takes a lot to share your heart out and come face to face with the raw feeling within.

*hugs*

It reminded me of certain incidents in my life as well. Despite the pain within that post. You made people realise that everyone matter and its time to love them now. It made me realise at least.

And to share ya pain that others may realise and benefit is a blessing on ya part. I just want to say thank you and also

*Hugs*

You will survive!! ;)

You brought reality to life!!

Luv ya..

Eclipsed Thoughts said...

hmmm...

u know i have heard that ppl who are gone, they form energy waves and stay in the space to wait for the ones they love... to be by their side... forgot who said this.

ღ lil_kath ღ said...

oh... ;(;( tears suddenly keep fallin' on my cheek while readin' ur post Kesh. Its ok sweetie, i know he's smilin there, lookin' at u! hugssssssss...

Shitrint said...

see uve touched so many people's hearts...

**hugs**

:)

ღ lil_kath ღ said...

... awww Kesh, dun mind i called to say hi but yeah u just heard me cryin' again , cant help it! sorryyyy!... just feelin low these days and felt how sad u are too today! iloveyou sweetie... dun worry m gonna be ok too! u take care.... will send u mail ok?

hugss**

Srijith Unni said...

Keshi,

No matter what you wrote it for, this sure is a heartrending post. I`m sure your father would be proud of you today..!

Take Care and God Bless..!

~
Srijith.

geet said...

Hi Keshi,

I guess I've not been this open on the internet, but I feel that somehow these blog posts that we have put on each others' blogs connect us in some way.

Feb 11th is a special day for me too. It is my late boyfriend's birthday.
Yes, you did see it right. Once, when you saw his picture on my blog, you asked me who he was, and I didn't reply. Prem passed away on the 27th of Nov 2004. To say that my world came crumbling down on me, is too simplified, it doesn't do justice to how we felt for each other, or the plans we had for our future. It has been hard all this while, special dates that we shared are difficult to get through. I'm lucky that I have someone who understands, now. But it doesn't dilute any of my feelings for Prem.

Deepak Gopi said...

Keshi
It touched me a lot

geet said...

This Sunday will be one of those difficult days for me as well, even more so cuz' I'll be doing one of Prem's favourite things, in a place which holds lots of memories for us.

I just thought I'd tell you this, cuz' we will get through the day together, on different parts of the world, and we will remember our special people, and pray that they will bless us from where they are.

Love,
Geetha

Jewel Rays said...

And yes Keshi, i have no doubt how ya dad will be so proud of the women you are. A part of him lies in parts of you. Thats the joy of being able to be apart of him..

The joy, genes , characteristic etc.

you are special..And if i was a dad, not that i have male hormones to know that. But if i am one. I have no doubt of how proud i would be of you as i see you grow up.

*hugs*

Ghost Particle said...

you're a fighter Keshi, you're a fighter, winner, and most of all, you're just human. Your emotions are so genuine, I wish you all the best things in life. You came this far, you fought your nightmares, you lived your life. You are an inspiration.

May God Bless everyone he has taken early, so that he can give them a better place beside him.

Saira said...

Just take care dear...loads and loads of hugsss..
Saira

Neihal said...

I can literally feel ur pain...U have written this beautifully....
Hugs Keshi :)

yrautca said...

keshi, darling, I am so sorry to read this. I cant imagine what it must have been like. But you have so much life, so much energy. You are so full of promise. Its like your dad is living through you now. I read your posts and they are so full of life and love. You are an inspirtaion. I am sure your dad is immensely proud of his daughter.

AnonymousBlogger said...

Kehsi, I had no idea that your father had passed away. I am very sorry to hear that.

I can't imagine going through that. I know it must have been tough.

I don't know what to say, so all I'll say is all the best on Sunday. To you and your family. Take care!

Poo said...

A BIG BIG BIG BIG HUG Keshi

i'm lost with words ....You are very strong girl !! and your dad is watching you ...so don't cry he will not like to see you crying.

My daddy is also your daddy :)

A lonely tear falls down
A smile turns to frown
Trickles down the cheek
Does not make you weak

A lonely tear escapes
A lifetime of mistakes
A sad and lonely heart
Others broke apart

A lonely tear is dried
So many nights it cried
A friend reached out their hand
And tried to understand

The lonely tear is gone
Life will carry on
With LOTS OF LOVE from a friend
The lonely tears will end

"You are the guiding star of my life who held my finger and showed me the path of knowledge and life.
At times when my life was like a candle in the wind you put your hands around so that all, all the burns were your and all the light was mine.
Thanks for everything You did Papa
With lots of love "

take care urself, ur little sis and Mummy!!!

Poo said...

ohhh i wish i was there now ...i would wipe away all ur tears and make you smile :) .... i will even prepare a Veg Sandwich for you, a fruit juice (ur Fav)and ...just hug you!!!

Love you lots Take care

Mr. J said...

This reminds me of a familiar thought, that I always try to ignore and deny.

Take care girl. We'll all be in a better place, if not now, some time down the road.

kavya said...

hey keshi

I can feel what u are going thru.

take care
hugz!!

Die Muräne said...

I wish you a lot of strength and love these days Keshi! You're dad must have been a really good man.

I also feel this sadness on the days my dad died (also all of a sudden). Lately I read from the daughter of the russian peot Dostojevsky. She talked about the night her dad died and said: "He died that night and has never left me since then. I moments of pain and fear he feels to be so close that I think I can touch his hand..."
I think this is very nice and it gave me much hope.

Cheesemeister said...

44. Damn, when I was a young-un, that seemed so old. But I'll be 42 in a week and I realize how young it really is. So many things can go wrong anytime in life. Of course you know that we have to be grateful for those we love every day.
Even though some think I'm stupid for this, I believe that the personality or soul survives the death of the body. I'm sure your dad looks after you and I bet he wishes he could talk to you and tell you how proud of you he is.
It's a bittersweet post. Bitter for the loss but sweet for all the positive thoughts you put into it.
Peace.

PRADEEP K. said...

My condolences.
Huggggggggggsss.

-Prady

passerby55 said...

Dear Keshi,

I am sorry to read this.
Please always take care of your sister and Mom. God bless you.

Princess said...

I lost my grandpa when I was too young. I can't forget it till now. It left a strange feeling about death. That was the first death I ever saw so closely.

I can never imagine such a thing :(

Drama Div@ said...

Thanks for letting us know, Keshi.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

Menchie said...

I am sure your dad is still watching over you.

It's what parents always do.

Cuckoo said...

Keshi,
I am a tough girl, don't cry easily but you made me cry today. Your life is very much like mine.

I am speechless.

A big hug to you.

Calabar Gal said...

So sorry about ur dad's death. I'm sure he would be very very proud of you and the well breed and behaved young lady u have turned into today if he were still alive.

The Grunt said...

I'm glad that you paid tribute to your dad, along with mourning him. It is really hard sometimes to not focus on your grief. Take care, Keshi.

Dh@v@! said...

Hey keshi... i m so sorry
take care of your self...
**Hugs**

alice said...

i m so sorry Kesh...take care...
god bless u and god bless his soul..
huuuuugggggs

desperado said...

hope d pleasant memories bring back a smile to your face

uttara said...

keshi..
i don't have words now.. I will pray for u all on sunday hun.. !! thatsthe least i can do... n plss take care of urself baby..

n i donno if u will believe it.. wen i was reading this post.. i was listening to music n it was on shuffle .. so wen i started reading this.. "Sweet Child'o mine" started playing n i was like WTH wat a coincidence.. awww

n now its "Bring Back to life.." am in tears now .. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ


GOD WILL SURELY BLESS U hun..

i dont have words i donno how to express wat i feel..

just wanna HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG UUUUUU

take care hun

my life.... said...

Dear keshi, i can understand how u feel coz i have gone through the traumatic experience of losing a loved one... memories that last till the end hurts.... i am sure that yr dad knows that you loves him alot... brace yrself...

AmaraEee said...

Keshi
This weekend will be sad no matter what we all say here...but there should be laughter as well when you remember..though fainting now...the good times you shared...hopefully enshrined in your memory. 44 is a young age to die especially when the person was not sick.

Think of it...there will be many more February 11 in your life and you can imotalize your dad as long as you live by focusing on what you had and not what you have lost or missed...

You will be in my prayers this weekend.

Boldnbeautiful said...

Keshi Hugs baby.
Take care of u, ur sis & mom.
I know its such a horrible experience in life.
Who knows "How god has planned each one's life,future?"

Be happy,
Peace be with you.
take care

Jeevan said...

"I was a little girl then. Now that I'm all grown up and standing on my own two feet" If your dad read this he would be very proud about her daughter.

It really wet my eyes to read about his lose. He must be blessing her little girl from the heaven. Hugs dear, have a peaceful prayer for your dad.

MONA said...

I am so sorry my dear. This is the first time I came, only to face your poignant memory of someone so close to you.
May Your Father's soul rest in peace & may you & your family find peace.
Love

Anonymous said...

... .. i just hope u dont cry.. i never cry on my papas death anniversary.. even whn i miss him a lot.. because i believe if i cry he will become sad, where ever he is now.. so b happy girl...

-M00nie

i second dat
and if u must cry
do your crying in the rain


i must confess i didnt cry when my mom died, but i cried when i heard Janice died

My mom was lingering, i was glad she died soon

but Janice .....

Anonymous said...

,Death, where is thy sting ?,



http://imnutsincapsdeath.blogspot.com/

PrAcHi said...

Awwwww.. sweetie.. HUGZZZZ
I know this is so painful. I cried after reading this. Guess what.. me getting married in three months. I will be in the same city where my parents stay, but still this makes me sad. I can see them whenever I want to.. but still this makes me sad. I can understand a part of ur pain. And I don’t know what to say on this. But I know one thing for sure...
Your dad must be watching you and must be proud on you for what a nice loving girl he has, who makes everyone happy.. everyone smile.
A BIGGGGG HUGGGGGG to u dear. Just take care of ur self and your mom n sis.
Please keep one flower for your dad on my behalf.. Just to say him ‘thank you’ for giving us such a lovely girl to this world!

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

I know what it feels like to lose a loved one in the family. My grandmother passed away when she was only 56. It also hoped that she would live forever....

Death is so final, so cruel. Its like a problem with no solution.

Hang in there Keshi, your DAD wouldn't have liked to see you crying.

Vipul said...

its really painful its tormenting to let go of someone but deep inside u knw that keshi that ur father is always there with ur smile ur sorrows with ur decisions and ur footsteps
huggggggggggggggggggggggggggs keshi

St. Dickeybird said...

Wow, that's quite the post!
From what I've read here in the last few weeks, I bet your Dad's proud of you.

t said...

hey keshi,

I couldnt read that post without crying..reminded me of my dad..papa died when i was eight and i remember that feeling forever, for years and years, that i would wake up and find it was all a dream, i still dream and when i wake up, im not sure which is the dream. and strangely, the more i grow, the more i miss him.

this is one of those relationships that time seems to make it harder.
growing up, going through adolescence and now...

thanks for that heartfelt post.

Seema said...

Keshiiiii...this a warm huggggggggg...i know it can never take away that void which is there...but am sure the warmth will make you a lill better !

Sweetheart...Our loved ones may leave us on that heavenly abode but their love n their presence lives forever in our hearts Keshi...so am sure from up above he's there for you like a guardian angel...

You've put your hearts emotions into these words..they are feelings not words nemore !

take care...

Top cat said...

A very touching post keshi.
Thank you for sharing your memories of your father.
hugs TC

Asha said...

Hi Keshi,I didn't know this.I am so sorry!But you did have 15 wonderful years with him and felt his love,Isn't that great?

44yrs is so young,Arvind turned 44 yesterday!!That is scary to think life without him.But life does go on.

Think of his love and affection and take it with you every where you go!Hugs and kisses.Peace be with you.

Sanjay said...

I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself and may hwatever higher power there is give you th strength to deal with this.

gledwood said...

That is an awfully touching post ... you have my sympathy ... I like your blog so I'm adding it to my links (soon as the flaming popup blocker gives way to me) ... so I'll be seeing you again.

I'm at gledwood2.blogspot

You're welcome to drop round.

All the best now

Gledwood

Gledwood said...

yeah i managed to get you in my linxx... the popupblocker has been FOILED!!!

Jac said...

It is not sympathy that makes me say sorry, keshigirl !

It is because I know exactly what you feel.

Yes, I do know.
Take care, my prayers.

KK said...

A big hug to you Keshi...
Take care...

Reading the post made my eyes wet...

mommyof2 said...

So sorry to hear about ur dad, Keshi.. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Sujit said...

Its true, many times we feel the necessity of a person after they are gone... far far away. I can feelll how you are.. but live has to move on.. assume like your dad is behind you like your shadow always.. and supporting.. when feel like talking to him.. just talk.. :)..

mommyof2 said...

so sorry to hear about ur dad, Keshi.. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

WRYTER 07 said...

Hi Keshi

Hope the weekend is going okay.

Off topic--the shades lady is on passages achrive Nov.23,06

hugs

Bev

nameis said...

kindest thoughts to you keshi.

m

Life!! said...

Keshi, the last time i visited your page, i was not even a blogger, read your posts and started blogging (few others set me to it like 'hazel dream' and 'pathfinder'). In fact did not even know how to put comments then and had thought that would visit your page again to put comments when i learn how to

...did not know i will end up revisiting your page to know abt jan 11th.. Keshi, my heart reaches out to you..
its what they call love..and love is so strong that it crosses many lives and many deaths. U know whats best abt dads and moms? they always leave a little of them in you :-) He is still there Keshi, still with you, in you. wish you smile at this realisation that he is you... God bless you and all around you

don't know you and rarely that i give a hug..here is one from me to you >:D<

Sugarlips said...

Dear Keshi...

I'm startled at the moment...
Few tears dribbled down my cheeks..
I don't know what to say cuz I know exactly what u went through...My Dad died when I was in 2nd grade and he was 39 years old around the same time your father died..A very sudden death at a very young age...I always miss his place in my life and few times I hopelessly groped for his hand to hold but thats what life is Keshi...We love...We laugh...We do everything to make our lives better but there is a point or there are certain times when I sobbed myself to sleep...I just go very quiet every year we when celebrate his death anniversary cuz I remember seeing the pain and struggle on my mother's face.

Whatever you do...He sees you from a very good place...You are a better person cuz of his blessings always remember this!!
Lots of love and hugs :)

Stay Beautiful...!!

SamY said...

hmm ... remind me of my friend in college who lost him mom in his arms ... she just fell on his lap and just dies in a while ... this guy literally watched his mom depart ... unimaginable how much someone departure can affect us

but on the bright side guess your dad had a peaceful death, for the good soul he was ... having seen so many suffer to death in pain sometime I envy ppl who die this way

remember u say'ing ud end ur life than live rickety n frail out'a old age? ur dad just got away from that ... but guess he did end up missing watching u all :(

he must be truly blessed :) to have died the way he did ... blessed in a way

cheerios nutty

Tarun. said...

Hope Keshi ... there is always hope.


I think ur fathers spirit will always be there, I think it ia part of ur realm and conscience so make sure u ahve the courage to do the things which ur conscience talls u to do no matter what the consequnce.

Would u see the dark cloud if there were no silver lining?

May his soul rest in peace and may his principles be ur guiding map.

Cheers.

Pranay said...

You must be a brave girl keshi to be sharing your sorrow with the world like this. I respect you for that.
It did make me realise the value of expressing your love to your loved ones.
I am with you keshi.

prits said...

Hey Keshi...I dont wanna say sorry cos that'll make you feel still worse.....had your dad been here today....you wud have made him proud :)...Be strong and take care.

RP said...

That made me cry. I am so sorry.
Hugs...

Dawn....सेहर said...

Keshi dear...I can feel your pain in each word that you have written...! I am far from my dad though he had been there for all my good and bad times giving me his love and courage but still I miss my childhood as those were the days we were with our parents and being gal I am close to my dad.
When you talk all this...it just brings tears in my eyes! I pray god should never bring such days to anybody, specially when kids are growing! I remember my best friend loosing her dad when we were in 7th grade! I always felt sad for her but she used to see the fatherly love in my dad :)
I am sure your dad is watching you and being proud of what you are doing and the way you are fighting the odds and keeping your head up with pride...thats always a Papa's gal my dear! They always feel pride in that for there daughters!
I liked your tribute coming this way...one should always come out with there love or sorrow no matter what...expressing doesnt make one weak or getting attention but it makes you a better person - a strong one who has the capability of going through this tough time!
I wish you good luck always my dear...our parents are always there with us at least there blessings
Hugggggggggsss

shammu... said...

keshiii...i just cried reaeding that..i duno wht to say, jan and feb are not my fav months, cos i have lost 2 beloved peopl in those months......and..i m sure ur Dad is watchin over u from smewhere and He surely wud be proud of u too!!..all my prayers to u and ur family...for strenth and happiness always.....
with lots of love..
shammu...

tsduff said...

Keshi - hugs. I am sorry for your loss. Words can never convey the deep feelings of one's heart, but just know that I can feel your sorrow. When I lost my Mom - 4 years ago, I thought I would die from grief. Not a day or two goes by even now when I don't think of her, miss hearing her warm voice, or wish I could just see her again. You wrote a beautiful tribute to your Dad, and my throat is still tight from reading it. Hugs xo

Coco said...

Keshi,
I'm sorry to hear about your father...
You are correct-
the pain does NOT go away,
nor do the tears stop.
I lost my father almost 13 years ago...
and it still hurts!
Yesterday, was my father's birthday-
he would've been 81 years old.
I miss him terribly!
But I know that he is always with me-
surrounding me with his love and prayers...
as I'm sure your father is doing the same with you.

I will think of you and your family this Sunday.

Blessings,
Coco

Trundling Grunt said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure he can look over you and see what you have become and be proud.

Take care- I'll be thinking of you.

Within Without said...

Kesh, you need and deserve many hugs and I offer them to you from far away.

I can't say I know how you feel because I haven't been through what you have been through.

This is a beautiful tribute to your dad and your love for him shines through...not just in this post devoted just to him but in other posts where you've mentioned him before.

There's no explanation or reason that any of us can understand about why this kind of thing happens.

The thing that's most important, I think, is that you hold him in your heart the way that you do.

I suspect he is somehow present and can feel that and that, in some way, he is touching you and watching you.

My thoughts are with you through this weekend and into Sunday, when you go to honour him and bring him close to you. Although it seems he is never far away.

Hugs. As many as you need.

niki yokota said...

life is such that all good men will go to heaven earlier..
im sure ur dad is protecting u from evils every moment.
my prayers are with u on sunday.
take care, keshichan!!

deepsat said...

i believe he is always there with you!!

take care!!

Lera said...

Keshi,Sorry to hear about your Dad, I can understand the pain you feel,I've gone trough the same...just relive those Sweet Memories that's inside your heart
for each day,Take care!

Hugzzzzzz!:)

Helen said...

He knows you Keshi, and he lives yet. Maybe not on our physical plane, but that's pretty overrated anyhow. Hugs and Kisses through our tears, my friend.

Sreeharsha said...

Keshi,
Your Papa might not be there with you, physically. But his soul and spirit will always be there with you. And am sure that he would have been very proud of his dear li'l one's achievements and wondering how big she has grown, had he been there now.
Don't lose heart dear. He's there with you and your family forever.
BTW, thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

Take Care

~Harsha

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I feel for you. My mother died when she was 46 - 18 years ago. I still think of her every day.

awaiting said...

Keshi....I lost my dad too. I was 20 years old and in college. I was young, I was heartbroken when faced with the fact that my dad, such a strong and wonderful man was dying. I refused to believe it.

Even now, I sometimes wake up, expecting to hear his voice, see his face. I loved him, with all my heart, and I can;t help but to wish he was here. My city named street after my dad, and everytime I drive down that street I am reminded of him.

No one can say anything to ease your pain, but sweet keshi, know that you are not alone.

You are not alone.

*hugs*

Neers said...

*Love*

the sunflower said...

May his soul rest in peace...

your post just made me realise - one can never get used to a loved one not being there, coz as long as you love them, you remember them....

temporary insanity said...

hey keshi,i know exactly how u feel.my dad died a few years back too. and rite now i miss him the most. i am getting married in 2 months and a lot of joy in it is gone cos my dad isn't there.

but always, always remember, that he is up there, and watching whatever u do, and guiding u in the right direction. that's what dad's are for right??
and of course he knows what u do, how u look. at least believe that and just maybe it will help...it ususally helps me!!!

take care....

mathew said...

your dad would be very happy to know how much love you had for him..i know that it have written it from your heart..and i believe you must have been so emotionally drained writing this..

wish things move ahead for you..love and prayers.......

Ash said...

God, i'm crying as i am typing this.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Keshi.

Big Hugs!

Mumbai Guy said...

They say God always call good people so that he can be with them. Not fair for us.

Take care Keshi, know how you feel. HUGGGSSS.

ghee said...

I can relate so well,Keshi dear...
I lost my dad when I was 8,and I still remember the detailed story of it and it wasnt a common death..though its another story..

maybe this is one of the reasons why you hate Vday..oh,hey,I love the song,"The Reason"...

I`m pretty sure that he`s watching you,that he has an ability to do that rather than human beings that still exists in this world,that he has seen you turned out to be a wonderful and a succesful career woman...

I dont wanna say I`m sorry...coz I do believe that everything has its own reason :)

and im sure that he`s happy,wherever he is..he cries when you cry,too...

huggggssssssss!
ghee

prithz said...

Am really sorry Keshi. Such losses are just irreplaceable.

That post brought tears in me! Honestly!

Take care Keshi. Hugs!

Nora said...

Your post touched everyone who read it. Your dad is somewhere feeling so proud of his little girl. Thinking of you today. x

Crazy Me said...

(((((HUGS))))) You're in my thoughts this weekend.

david santos said...

Helo!
Espectacle
Tank you

Anonymous said...

I'll be honest with you...I'm a fuck all kind of a guy...I'm of the opinion that all human beings are fakes and that all they want is to fuck you up so that they can feel better about their miserable selves...I have only seen one girl in my life who I know for a fact is true and honest....shes my best friend....now after reading ur blog I feel like I have seen two girls who are genuinely nice and true....ur a decent girl keshi...i just came across ur blog by random...bt appreciate ur sincerity...
http://50paise.blogspot.com
http://saddamshangover.blogspot.com

Shikha said...

i dont have any words..putting all ur feelings into that post..take care..
hugs

Akshay said...

Keshi.. Hugzz.. take care and yes I know he is watching you and is proud of you.

trinitystar said...

Keshi,

He lives in your heart ... you are part of his expression.
hugs for you. :o)

The Phosgene Kid said...

Hope your weekend has picked up a bit and you feel a bit more cheerful! It is sad losing a parent but you can still see them when you look in a mirror, hear them in your voice, and carry them in your heart. Have a great rest of the weekend.

Arz000n said...

Awwwwwwwwwww man :(

You were a lot attached to your dad...had read about him in few of your previous post too

I know how you must be feeling K000kie Masta....hugzzz

Hope you feeling better....take care...

gautami tripathy said...

Hugs to you, keshi dear! Remember him with happiness. He would have wanted you to be happy always.

My dad passed away almost 5 years back. I miss him. I want him back all the time. But I do not allow myself to mop for him. He wouldn't have liked that.

dharmabum said...

i love my dad. and i am very sad for u right now. wil pray for u.

am sure your dad reads your posts from somewhere and this one would've made him sublimely happy

Damanpreet singh said...

After so many comments i don't think there is anything left to say..but this is touching..really makes a person cry..
thanks a lot for sharing

brute said...

***HUGZZZ***

Shionge said...

Keshi....thanks for sharing this moment with us and just like you, I think of my Dad all the time and just like you, missing him as always too.

I would say this to you Keshi, He's Never Gone & Never Far, Right Here Is Where You Are......he's here with us always Keshi.

Hugs & Kisses Keshi

vince said...

u make me cry, right now!!!! hugzz

Keshi said...

Shitrint u really touched me with ur post...ty n HUGGGGGGGGGZ! Im blessed to have friends like u in Blogville. I really am!

-----------------------------------

Jim ty! U have always been ard to make me feel better...I appreciate that. U take extra effort with so many other stories etc to make me feel alright. I really am glad to have u in my life.

I miss Janice too...I really do. I dunno what to do cos she's nowhere...

I have read SRK's sadness abt his mum's death. It's really touching. Such a successful guy he is and he doesn't have both his parents to see all that.


**I was one of the pall-bearers and thought I had become a little big man

awww thats so sweet.


**Nothing shocks me anymore.

yeah...its kinda happening to me...nuttin affects me much anymore.

btw Im sooo sorry to hear abt ur mum's death. It brought me tears. So many. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ Jim!

-----------------------------------

ty so much Azuka!


-----------------------------------

Viv ty!



-----------------------------------

Bev Im so sorry to hear abt ur parents. U have been thru alot! I didnt know abt ur parents at all. I was deeply shocked to hear that. Im glad u cant rem much of wut happened. But Im sure u rem ur parents and look what a fine young lady they have made. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

n ty for the sunnies pic hehe. I'll get a copy of it soon. MWAHHH babez!

-----------------------------------


Anony Im sorry this made u cry :(


-----------------------------------


Blessed that was lovely, ty n HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**I wait the time when we can soar
together again,

I believe in that. I hope one day I'd b able to do that with my dad. And Im sure u'll see ur brother too. I know how much u miss him.

TC and rem I love ya n Im here for ya.

-----------------------------------

Aditi ty n hugggggggggggz dear!


-----------------------------------

Southy ty and I know u miss ur dad too. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Phos Im sorry. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

**Scars that don't shwo are worse then the ones that do.

thats so true. They hurt and haunt from inside.

-----------------------------------

Kumar ty!


**"its the parting that makes us feel sad".

true...the fact that we might never see em again. That feeling haunts.

-----------------------------------

Krys luv ya gal HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

**My table is full of tears reading your today's post and Jim's comments

awwwww...we gotta cry to be human...we gotta feel...we gotta let it all out. I hope ur feeling much better today.

-----------------------------------

Starry I know how much u mis ur Ma too. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ sweetie!

**J lost his father at a very
young age and feels sad also

Im so sorry to hear that. It's really hard when a parent dies when the kids r young. Its a very sad thing.

-----------------------------------


Silvara huggggggggz n ty!

Once a mum/dad dies, we wont be the same Silvara. My life is pretty much empty...no matter how good Im doing at work, wherever, I still feel an emptiness. Its like there's this huge vaccum wherever I go.

-----------------------------------

ty so much Priya!


-----------------------------------

tnxx DJ!


-----------------------------------

Thumbelina MWAHHHHHH! Ur a swt hrt.


**Maybe as u were typing this blog entry, he was all the way beside u, shedding tears together with u, and giving u a big hug?

That really made me teary..in a good way. ty so much!

Im sure ur granma is watching over u too. She knows what a wonderful girl u r and she's making u b by my side, comforting me and making me feel better. Angels in disguise.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

m000nie HUGGGGGGGGGGZ! U wudnt believe it that as I wrote this post, I was thinking of all my friends in blogville who didn't have their dads with em...and that was u, st000nie and Uttsy...I was really thinking of u girls.

u know wut a sensitive soul I am...I cant not cry when I think of my dad...tears just flow. So I let em.

Ur dad and my dad must b good friends up there ha? :)

-----------------------------------

Caz u really made me happy, ty!

**Keshi, if you were my daughter I would be so proud of you!!

thats such a beautiful and caring thought. U r a wonderful human being. U truly r!

HUGGGGGGGGGGZ tnxx for being in my life!

-----------------------------------

Aidan thats such a beautiful thing to say...u r so very kind. I'm so glad to have u as my mate. Im truly blessed. ty!


-----------------------------------

Jay ty so much!

**My dad died ten years ago.

Im so very sorry! I can u'stand how u feel. A parent can never be replaced.

-----------------------------------

Outdoorsy heyy ty so much!

** obviously this part of him still lives through you.

yes...I believe we all carry a part of our parents in us. And that thought keeps him alive.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


Keshi.

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

Aww Keshi ... all you need is a very warm hug! The pain in ur heart shows from ur post ... I wish this never happened to you ... but this was God's will and it must have been for a reason.. probably coz ur dad was such a good man :)

I just now wrote a post on my granma ... and reading ur post made me even more emotional ...

i hope u'll be fine babe ... take it easy k .. hugss :)

2lrbl said...

A long time ago when I lost my very dear mom, my grandpa came to me and said, "this will stay with you for the rest of your life".

Maybe it was the voice of experience, for I haven't yet heard truer words spoken....

Have a good day :)

Keshi said...

Amy ty so much! I know u miss a few ppl in ur life too.

**made people realise that everyone matter and its time to love them now.

well-said.


**And if i was a dad, not that i have male hormones to know that

LOL see u already made me laugh. ty darl :):)

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ sweetie!

-----------------------------------

KAP ty!

**they form energy waves and stay in the space to wait for the ones they love... to be by their side

I have read that too..I cant rem where either. It could be true...cos sometimes u really do feel the lost loved-ones' energy ard ya.

-----------------------------------

Kath that was so sweet of u to call me as soon as u read this post. Big HUGGGGGGGGGZ! And u were in tears as u spoke on the fone...I was deeply touched. ty for that call! It made me realise that ppl ard the world, ppl I havent even met, FEEL for me. It's amazing!

LUV YA Kath! As long as opened hearts like u r ard me, I will never be alone. I know that for sure.


-----------------------------------

Srijith ty so much!


-----------------------------------

Geet Im so sorry to hear abt Prem! I never knew he was ur lat BF. It's so very sad. It must be one of the hardest things to deal with in life. I must say ur a very strong woman. I admire u Geet.

No matter what, when u need a friend, Im here for u. Know that sweetie.


**on different parts of the world, and we will remember our special people, and pray that they will bless us from where they are.

thats a beautiful thought. And that does work...reaching out to each other from across the world.

I hope u had a peaceful n reminiscing weekend. TC n Love will get us through.

-----------------------------------

Deepak ty!


-----------------------------------

Ghosty ty so much!

**You came this far, you fought your nightmares, you lived your life. You are an inspiration.


when u said that it seemed to me like my dad was telling me that thru u. Cos only he'd know how much I have gone thru to be where I am today. TY for that mate!

-----------------------------------

Saira ty dear!


-----------------------------------

Neihal I appreciate ur support, ty!



-----------------------------------

Yrautca ty so much for that mate. U give me hope.


-----------------------------------

AB its ok. Just having u all by my side is just good enough...I love u all very much, TY!


-----------------------------------


Poo thats such a beautiful msg..ty so much HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**My daddy is also your daddy

thats so touching!


That verse was so very beautiful..I had tears in my eyes as I read it.

**At times when my life was like a candle in the wind you put your hands around so that all, all the burns were your and all the light was mine

awwwwww...just lovely!


**veg sandwich

hehe ty dead...ur so very kind.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! tnxxx for being in my life Poo. U have no idea how ur comments make me happy over here!

-----------------------------------

Mr.J ty!

**We'll all be in a better place, if not now, some time down the road.

I hope so too.

-----------------------------------

Kavya u have been thru alot. Im so sorry. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Murane u hardly talk abt ur dad...I believe it must hurt alot to have lost him suddenly...just like that. Im so sorry mate, HUGGGGGGGGGZ to ya from all the way!

**He died that night and has never left me since then. I moments of pain and fear he feels to be so close that I think I can touch his hand..."

thats very inspirational! ty for sharing that with me. I'll always rem that now.

-----------------------------------

ty so much Meister!

Nuttin will happen to ya sweetie..ur so very young and full of life.


**, I believe that the personality or soul survives the death of the body.

I believe in that too. Cos the soul is the energy in us...and energy never dies.

ty so much for being here HUGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Praddy hows u? tnxxx!


-----------------------------------

Passerby55 ty so much!



-----------------------------------

Aish Im sorry to hear abt ur Granpa....so very sorry!

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Drama ty so much girly!


-----------------------------------

Menchie tnxx alot!

**It's what parents always do.

I know..it's always the case with parents isnt it.

-----------------------------------

Cuckoo big HUGGGGGGGGZ to u too sweetie! No matter what, know that Im here for ya...always.


**Your life is very much like mine.

I dunno what happened in ur life, but I can only say this...ur not alone. After I read the comments from so many ppl ard the world, I realised there r sooo many ppl who miss someone in their lives...sooo many!

Cuckoo ur a strong girl..and it's ok to shed tears...we can be here for each other ok?? HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ n TC!

-----------------------------------

Calabar ty so much for ur kindness!


-----------------------------------

Grunty mate ty!


**It is really hard sometimes to not focus on your grief

yeah thats rite. Well I cry when I feel like crying...Im not afraid to shed tears. Im stronger for crying.

-----------------------------------

Dh@v@ ty so much!


-----------------------------------


Alice ty sweetie!


-----------------------------------

Desperado yeah...alot of sweet memories. My dad never hit us...never scolded us except when we were really out of hand. He was a gentle giant.

-----------------------------------


Hugggggggggggz Uttsy! Can u feel my love across the ocean? :) awwww...ur such a darl!


**so wen i started reading this.. "Sweet Child'o mine" started playing n i was like WTH wat a coincidence.. awww

WOW! Cud be my dad...hehe.


**now its "Bring Back to life.." am in tears now ..

golden tears from a beautiful heart...ty dear, I love ya! Always know that. And THANK U!

-----------------------------------

My_Life ty!

** memories that last till the end hurts.

they sure do. Memories never fade...never.

-----------------------------------


ty so much Amaraeee!

**44 is a young age to die especially when the person was not sick.

yep...that was his first ever heart attack and it took him away from all of us.

I rem all the good times with him...cos there was not a single day that he made us sad.

-----------------------------------

BnB Im so glad to see u here. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! tnxx for being here to share my sorrow.


**Who knows "How god has planned each one's life,future?"

yep..who knows. So appreciate ur loved ones every single day.

MWAHHH have a beautiful day!

-----------------------------------

Jeevan awwww....HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty so much!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mona ty so much!


-----------------------------------

Saby heyy!

I cannot not cry...cos when I feel sad, tears just roll down my cheeks.


**My mom was lingering, i was glad she died soon
but Janice .....

I know...Jan was called home way too early! I miss her 'knock knock Dumbass...'


-----------------------------------

Prachi HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

I know...it will b hard when u get married and live away from ur parents. U'll miss em alot. But Im glad u r gonna be in the same city as they r. Thats a plus.


**Please keep one flower for your dad on my behalf.. Just to say him ‘thank you’ for giving us such a lovely girl to this world!

aww what a beautiful though. U wudnt believe it, we offered white flowers to Buddha on Sunday. I was thiking of all of u that day...all of u lovely ppl who always come here to see how I am and offer me such beautiful thoughts from across the world. Im so blessed!

-----------------------------------

Ganesh ty so much my friend!

Im so very sorry to hear abt ur Granma...56 is way too young!


**Death is so final, so cruel. Its like a problem with no solution

It sure is. Its like u live a lifetime with these ppl and when they die all of a sudden, it's a big shock...cos will u ever see em again?

-----------------------------------


ty so much Vipul HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

U guys make me feel alive.


-----------------------------------


thats such a sweet thing to say Dickeybird, ty!

-----------------------------------

T Im so sorry ur dad died when u were so lil. Thats so very unfair. It must have been so hard to live w.o. him...

I sometimes wake up (yes still) thinking he's ard...then I realise it was just a dream. Sometimes I feel life is one big deception we live. And sometimes it's one big dream waiting to be woken up from.


-----------------------------------

ty so much Seema HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

**they are feelings not words nemore

thats beautifully said. TY for understanding my feelings so well.


-----------------------------------
ty Top_Cat!


-----------------------------------


Asha ty so much HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

wow he's 44...well dun worry, he's gotta a very long life Asha, God Bless him!


-----------------------------------


Sanjay ty so much!


-----------------------------------


Gledwood WC n ty!

I'll see ya ard soon.


-----------------------------------


Jac ty so much, HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------


KK matey ty!


**Reading the post made my eyes wet...

awww did I manage to make KK cry? Its a big achievement isnt it :) HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ dun cry now.


-----------------------------------

Mommy hey ty sweetie!



-----------------------------------

Sujit ty for that!

**assume like your dad is behind you like your shadow always

yeah...sometimes I feel him...I really do.


-----------------------------------

NameIs ty so much!


-----------------------------------

Life WC n ty!

I appreciate ur kind words. Im glad this post touched ya in a positive way.


and hey HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! :)

-----------------------------------

Suga awwwwww HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

** Dad died when I was in 2nd grade and he was 39 years old around the same time your father died..

Im so very sorry to hear that! I never knew u too have lost ur dad. Thats a sad revelation. So many ppl here have lost a parent already. 39 is way too young! And u were so lil!! I wonder if God knows how we feel...I really wonder.

Lots of love to u Suga! Know that Im here for ya no matter what.

-----------------------------------

Samy ur absolutely right! Alot of ppl said the same...that he got a peaceful death. A heart attack in his sleep and he wudnt even have known it.

Im not saying this cos he's my dad, but he was a very good man...he helped a lot of ppl and he never expected anything in return. I rem that quality abt him very well. He also told me that I should help ppl w.o. expecting anything in return.

I guess good ppl die young...but it aint fair on us left behind :(


**remember u say'ing ud end ur life than live rickety n frail out'a old age? ur dad just got away from that ... but guess he did end up missing watching u all

thats so true!

ty so much Samy for being here by my side. I really appreciate ur friendship, HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Tarun ty so much!


**Would u see the dark cloud if there were no silver lining?

thats so well-said.

Im so gladi have so many beautiful souls here by my side.

-----------------------------------

Pranay ty so much!

**It did make me realise the value of expressing your love to your loved ones.

Im so very glad.


-----------------------------------

Prits thats so kind of ya, ty!



-----------------------------------

RP awww...ty!


-----------------------------------

Dawny ur words made me cry happy tears...for having lovely ppl like u in my life...ppl who take time n effort to write such beautiful msgs for me...I sense God's love in all of u. ty n HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**...expressing doesnt make one weak or getting attention but it makes you a better person - a strong one who has the capability of going through this tough time!

true. I believe in that too. It's one who has a strong heart that can cry.


Ur dad must be one proud man. To have brought up such a fine young lady. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Shammu Im so sorry to hear u lost loved-ones in Jan and Feb. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

ty for being here for me. All I can say is that together we can get thru this. Stay strong.

-----------------------------------

Terry big HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


** When I lost my Mom - 4 years ago, I thought I would die from grief.

I rem u telling me abt ur mum b4...she sounds like a beautiful woman. Im so sorry that she's physically nomore. But I believe in her spirit being alive. Tho we cant hear their voices or see em ard, they r among us. Look for the signs Terry. MWAHHHHHHHH!

-----------------------------------

Coco heyy HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**I lost my father almost 13 years ago...and it still hurts!

Im very sorry to hear that u lost him. It may be days, months, years...even lifetimes...but one can never forget a loved-one easily. The memories and the love remains forever. God bless ya!

-----------------------------------


Trundling ty so much, ur so very kind.


-----------------------------------

WW I can feel ur HUG and ur love, all the way from there matey. TY so much! Ur so very kind.


**There's no explanation or reason that any of us can understand about why this kind of thing happens.

yeah...and it makes it harder to cope with it. The WHY bit.

Anyways, like u said, I feel his energy ard me too. I really do.

ty for being here for me mate. I really appreciate it.

-----------------------------------

Niki tnxxx hun!


**life is such that all good men will go to heaven earlier..

yeah thats what they say...

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Deepz ty so much! I hope so too...



-----------------------------------

Lera ty my dear!



-----------------------------------

Helen I wud like to believe that too...ty sweetie!



-----------------------------------

ty Harsha thats so very kind of ya, HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------



Andrew heyy Im so sorry to hear that.


**My mother died when she was 46 - 18 years ago

thats way too young!! Goshhhh!


-----------------------------------

Tasha I never knew ur dad was nomore! Im so very sorry to hear that. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

He must have been one hell of a beautiful heart...lookin at u, I can just tell that he was a great man.


**My city named street after my dad, and everytime I drive down that street I am reminded of him.

WOW! Was he some famous guy? U know, they named a Buddhist temple in Sri Lanka after my dad...cos my mum donated some funds to that temple on behalf of my dad's memory. We r not rich but we did what we cud in his memory.


-----------------------------------


Neers sweetie LOVE indeedz!


-----------------------------------

Sunflower hey ty!

**one can never get used to a loved one not being there, coz as long as you love them, you remember them....

thats so true!

-----------------------------------

Temporary_Insanity hey ty so much!

Im sorry to hear abt ur dad. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

**am getting married in 2 months and a lot of joy in it is gone cos my dad isn't there.

awww...I can u'stand where ur coming from. It's like there's this big hole in ur life that will never be filled. I know how u feel.

Anyways, like u said, all we have to do is know that they're ard us no matter what and move on. TC n ty for ur very kind words! And I wish u all the very best for ur wedding and for ur future!

-----------------------------------

Matty ty so much!

**and i believe you must have been so emotionally drained writing this..

yes it got very difficult to write this...but I did it in like 10mins. It wasnt a planned post...so I just typed n typed n typed whatever was in my heart and then published it...all the while tears were pouring down like rain.

-----------------------------------

Ash awww...ty n HUGGGGGGGGZ my dear!


-----------------------------------

MG heyy ty so much!


**They say God always call good people so that he can be with them. Not fair for us.

Well-said. thats so true :(


-----------------------------------

Ghee HUGGGGGGGGGGZ Im so sorry to hear abt ur dad's death...u were so very lil then OMG! Life must have been so hard after that. But u turned out to be who u r, cos of all those experiences. And like u said, there's a REASON for everything that happens.


na I hate Vals Day for other reasons :) I'll soon tell u why hehe.

-----------------------------------

Prithz HUGGGGGGGGGZ n ty!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nora ty so much my dear!


-----------------------------------

Crazy_Me Ty so much HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Dave ty my friend!



-----------------------------------

ty Anony that made me smile..Im glad I could touch u in some positive way.....

Will be visiting u soon.


-----------------------------------

Shikha my dear I missed ya. ty for being here and HUGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Akshay ty so much!


-----------------------------------

Trinity ty!


**He lives in your heart ... you are part of his expression.

I believe in that too.


-----------------------------------

hello there Phos!


**you can still see them when you look in a mirror, hear them in your voice, and carry them in your heart

Definitely! ty so much.


-----------------------------------

z000nie awwww HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty so much!

I hope u had a good weekend.


-----------------------------------

Gautami Im so very sorry to hear abt ur dad...HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

I dun brood over him all the time..but when I feel sad, I do cry. I cant stop that. Its a very natural feeling. And I believe one has to be strong enough to shed tears.

U have a beautiful day Gautami!

-----------------------------------

Dharmabum ty so much!

Ur very kind.


-----------------------------------

Damanpreet ty so much! I appreciate u being here.


-----------------------------------

Brutey HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!



-----------------------------------

Shionge Im so sorry to hear abt ur dad's passing. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**He's Never Gone & Never Far, Right Here Is Where You Are......

thats a beautiful thing to say. ty n Im sure ur dad is also with ya. TC darl!


-----------------------------------

Vince we can cry together...HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Cheesy I make up mind thinking it's God's will. It makes a lil biit easier to cope. ty my dear HUGGGGGGGZ!

I wanna read abt ur Gramzz...I'll be there soon.


-----------------------------------

2lrbl ty so much!


**this will stay with you for the rest of your life".

those r very wise words. Cos such events can never b forgotten.

and Im so very sorry to hear abt ur Mum's death, HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


Keshi.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Hope the rest of your weekend was better!!

Tarun. said...

People are not only by ur side they are by your site too ...

Poor joke in the context of the post.

This one was just to make u cheer up.

There is always hope, look for that.

Keshi said...

Phos I had a quiet and peaceful weekend thinking abt my dad...how was urs?

and hey tnxx!

-----------------------------------

Tarun hey ty so much!


**People are not only by ur side they are by your site too ...

hehe not bad at all :)


Keshi.

Gangadhar said...

Keshi dear,
i know you're a brave girl..And i believe it's how sad loosing one's dad at such an young age..
My prayers for your dad,keshi..
Wishing you all the best..

cheers

accidental diva said...

hey keshi,

I am sure ur dad's watching over u right now, and surely he is very proud you.

hugs and take care.

Vikas said...

hey keshi how ru?? sorry for not being arround..was stuck up with wrk...

hey honey u made me cry...but i know ur brave girl and ur dad must be happy seeing u in such a beautiful form......be happy honey

Take Care
Vikas{V}

the_ego_has_landed said...

hey keshi.. this post really brought tears to my eyes.. I made my sis and dad read it too... we all feel your pain..and sorry..

and I know the pain may never go... no matter what anyone says.

I know your father is proud of you.Im sure he's watching over you all the time :)

lots of hugs and love

~ro~ :)

niki yokota said...

Thanks for ur comment reply, keshichan!!
read the title 'When The Cock Strikes 6' lol

Autumn Storm said...

Full of love, Kesh, just beautiful. Love never dies, x

ann said...

(((Keshi)))

I've been awol for a few days.

Keshi, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad and hard time. I'm sure he is with you and your mother and sister always in spirit.

lotsa luv ann xxxx

s0ul said...

im probably the last one to comment, but ur post has me in tears hny. Losing someone who is dear to u is the worst form of punishment tht god can give us. I pray for your dad's soul, and strength for you and your family
take care n god bless.

Keshi said...

ty Ganga HUGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Heyyy Diva ty!


-----------------------------------

tnxxx Vikas HUGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Ego hey ty so much...HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

ur dad and sis read this? awwwww...Im honored. ty!


-----------------------------------

LOL Niki ur sooooo funny!



-----------------------------------

MWAHHHHHHH Autumn tnxxx!

hey I cant see ur blog :(


-----------------------------------

Ann ty so much HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------


Purnimaaaa I missed ya!

**. Losing someone who is dear to u is the worst form of punishment tht god can give us

thats true. Its the hardest thing to deal with in life.




Keshi.

visithra said...

hugs darling - no matter how long since its happened - the lost will always be there - but u know hes smilling down on u ;)

errr u know my dads bday is 5 days later

Keshi said...

OMG Visithra is that so? HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Twisted DNA said...

The sadness that fills you as the weekend approaches is apparent in each word of the post. No words can offer you consolation. All you can do for him now is be a strong girl... be the girl he always wanted you to be.

Sphinx said...

i'm sorry. its so weird cos i just wrote on my blog about my grandfather. I haven't been blogging for ages now. will do so though.
anyway, its ok. its all ok. everything is ok. everything's gonna be alright and life will move on and everything he had to give had been given and wherever he is, I'm sure he's very proud of you.
I can't say much. I really don't know what/how to say anything.

p.s. i cried too. i never cry.

Homo Escapeons said...

I will never forget the day that i was supposed to be giving my Final Presentation at College my partner had to do it because I was at the hospital staring at my dear Father who had passed away at the age of 46.
He had a heart attack several years before and we had lived on pins and needles ever since...until that inevitable day.
I remember staring at his body and discovering how he had aged over the final hours. I will never forget carrying his personal items out of the hospital in a paper bag and wondering how on earth am I supposed to get through this world without his calming influence...patience...how?
Every year I wondered if I was going to make it to 46..I spent decades worrying about it..now I am 49 and it is strange because I realise how young you really are in your mid forties a point completely lost on me when I was 22.
It must have been surreal for you to witness everything that morning..I can't imagine how scared a little girl would have been..but you have found some peace in the knowledge that he was with you up until the very last second..he stayed with you as long as he possibly could.
Ok now I am totally sobbing here so I just want to let you know that we are still luckier than most people for the simple reason that we had these great Dads..too many people have never experienced in a lifetime the amount of Love that we got everyday..and the best part is that we know that we would have continued to get all that love forever.
Viva Forever Kesh.

Jaan ki sweetheart Forever said...

Keshi i have no words to say to you......Just that we all love u a lot

Dalicia said...

sorry to hear that..i blog friend of mine also missed her dad terribly.
very hard for hard. but of course we can never forget the person closest to you....so, it's okay to miss your dad. let it be good memories...

Keshi said...

ty so much DNA Huggggggggz!


-----------------------------------

HE u had me crying there...OMG its so sad that u had to collect his belongings from the hospital. I cant imagine doin that. I rem dad's last clothes tho...I cant get em off my head.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! We r better off for having such great men in our lived indeed. We had good fathers and for that reason we have to be thankful.

And Im so sorry he died so young! It wont happen to u. No ways!

-----------------------------------

Jaanki thats so sweet HUGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty!



-----------------------------------

ty Dalici and Im sorry abt ur blog friend's dad :(



Keshi.

Keshi said...

**Dalicia

Keshi said...

aww Sphinx I nearly missed ya in the crowd.

ty so much!

And I will visit ur blog soon.


Keshi.

RamaG said...

chanced upon your blog while browsing...almost moved to tears by the time I finished reading it.

just wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May god give you strength to overcome all your hardships and make your dad feel proud of his lil girl.

-Ram.
(P.S: My apologies to have posted my comment although I dont know you..I felt compelled to share my thoughts. Sorry!)

Keshi said...

RamaG ty so much for ur very kind words. It really helped me alot.

dun be sorry for commenting. I love receiving so many wonderful msgs from all over the world.

Have a beautiful day!


Keshi.

Shreemoyee said...

Of all that must hurt, not to be able to show him what you have become, what is yours now is to tell him that its because he was there. But he always is there isn't he?

dumbdodi said...

Hi Darling

Sorry about that...my thoughts are with you
BTW I am still alive...well just about....should be back soon...
Love you
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA

:P fuzzbox said...

He was taken far too young. But if you hold his memory with you in your heart then he is not truly gone.

Keshi said...

He was Shree...ty so much!

And WC.

-----------------------------------

Radhika hey WB HUGGGGGGGGGZ! Im so glad ur gonna be here for good. SO nice to see u here...u have no idea!



-----------------------------------

aww Fuzzy ty so much!





Keshi.

Nandita said...

I don;t know you Keshi, but reading this made me want to reach out and give you a hug...because I'm crying too, I'm not reading the comments but Im sure many others would have cried on reading this...

Makes me want to call my parents and tell them how much they mean to me.

Sending out some love to you

Keshi said...

Nandita aww ty so much n HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

I truly felt ur HUG n Love. Im so blessed to have so many stragers n friends here sending me so much love n support. TY!

Keshi.

--Sunrise-- said...

ghtKeshi,



My written thoughts are belated, but what is a day, or a time in these things? Nevertheless, my thoughts were with you on that day.. February 11 th. I paused for a moment, and thought of this blogger whose words I have come to identify with a beautiful personality.. who is a beautiful human being, in every aspect.



Some people may leave us in being, but something I have learnt, something I have taught myself over the past several months, is that distances do not matter. Why should they, if our Loves are smiling right here, in our hearts? No, they don't matter at all. Love is a feeling, and as long as that feeling is alive within you – death can never kill it. And I know this is all too easier said than done, Keshi. I have not lost my father, or anyone I have loved that closely (*touchwood*), and I know I cannot relate to you… but I have Love inside me, like you, and I have attachments to human beings (despite my best efforts to not have any), like you…



Please keep smiling, Keshi. I hate telling people what to do (since I myself hate being told what to do), even if it is out of love and care, and this is not my intention at all… but I can tell you what I feel, right? So please keep smiling, and I don't just mean a contraction of some muscles in your face, either… smile from within the heart, and let your eyes reflect what is hidden behind the layers of your body… happiness.



Your display picture, Keshi – it is interesting. I see you in that display picture. I really do.



Like a flower. An innocent little seed that has been planted into the soil. Which has blossomed into a beautiful flower, and is still growing. Growing with each and every experience that has come her way… every moment of rain, sunshine, storms, they all helped her to grow some more… some may have stamped on this little flower, others may have looked at it from afar, and a few will have come close to it, and shown it a lot of love and affection… and each of these moments has enhanced the flower some more…



No flower is perfect. This flower may not have everything a 'perfect' flower ought to have, but it is these imperfections in the flower that make it so perfect. The fact that this little flower has made (and will make) mistakes, the fact that this flower may not have shown its full potential at times, all this makes the flower a true flower in her own right… some may like the kind of flower that she is, others may not… but the flower itself loves being who it is, and cherishes each moment of what she has.



And that's Keshi's true beauty.



One day, the flower will have to die, but the memories of this flower can never be taken away from the hearts she has touched.

Keshi said...

Sunrise u have no idea what ur comment means to me...I REALLY CRIED reading that! ty so much for taking so much time and effort and it's well worth it cos u reached my heart big time HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Im so blessed to have friends like u ard me...I truly am.

That was such a heart-felt comment...MWAHHHHHHHH!


Keshi.

--Sunrise-- said...

Awww Keshi..

You really cried? Awww... I... sigh.

Your comment made me smile... it really did... as heartfelt a reply as my comment...

:)

Keshi said...

Sunrise I REALLY cried! cos ur comment was too beautiful and heart-felt. TY for being u!


Keshi.