Go And Let Go...

Hey guys, it's been a while...hope all is well with you. I've been very busy with family, friends, parties and long drives. So I couldn't be around Blogville as I wanted to be. I'm really sorry. And THANKS to all those who dropped by to say Hi and leave Christmas wishes and some love for me, while I was away. It means alot to me. Shows how much some people truly care.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2008. I wanna say goodbye to this very special year with this note...this year made me glad and sad, sensitive and stone-hearted, attached and detached, all in the same year. It discovered a new side of me that I never knew of before...it taught me to truly let go. Some people think Letting Go means distancing from people, cursing them and staying angry...but Letting Go doesn't mean that. Letting Go basically means being able to smile even as you detach from things and people that crush your spirit...it also means keeping no grudges and staying in peace, even when you have to live without what you once craved for. Slowly I'm becoming good at being able to let go of things that I badly went after before, and still be content. I've learnt to go and let go, thanks to 2008!

So, here's wishing you all a very Happy New Year! May 2009 bring your dreams a step closer to you. Keep smiling and don't worry even if I'm not around all that much. I will come around as soon as I get some time which I'm afraid I don't know when. Take care, be happy, I miss ya and I love ya all!

Current Music: I Love You More Than I Can Say by Leo Sayer

And The Soul Felt It's Worth...

Hey guys, I hope all's going well with you. I'm so sorry I didn't have time at all to visit your blogs...neither did I have any time to reply to comments in the last post. But I will do so as soon as I get a breather ok. I have been really busy running around with family and friends...it's a mad mad rush here! Besides I nearly melted in my car yesterday...so darn hot! Thanks all for dropping by, answering the questions and also for the warm Xmas wishes in the last post. And since soon it will be Christmas day, I wanna play my favourite Christmas carol in my blog right now...I used to sing this one in annual carols, and my soul feels love and gratitude every time I hear this song...love and gratitude for what I can feel for myself and for others. So here is the song for all of you too. Merry Christmas to you! Have a good, safe and joyful one...may your hearts always be filled with peace, harmony and love...may your souls always know how to feel...to feel one anothers' joys and sorrows as your own. And then the soul shall feel it's real worth. See ya soon!

(I have disabled comments for this post only)


Current Music: O Holy Night by Mariah Carey

Taking 2008 Steps Ahead...

Sparkling Lessons Of Life...

2008 was a very special year for me. I made some new friends, I cut off some rusty old ties, I learnt alot about myself and grew in many ways from all those experiences over 365 days and nights. Sometimes you've just got to stop and listen to yourself...not others. Cos your inner voice will never lie to you. If something is not right, then it's not right...don't try to paint a different color all over it just to get by...you'll only be kidding yourself. Well it took alot of time and heartache before I listened to my inner voice but eventually I did...and I'm glad I was saved before it was too late for me. 3 golden lessons I learnt in 2008 - 1. Never believe an ounce of what people tell you about others until you yourself find out the whole truth...2. Sweet-sounding does not always mean sweet person, and unfortunately that may take a long time to figure out...3. People that care about you will continue to care no matter what, the rest will vanish over time and space. 2008 was indeed a very special year in my life...a year that made me take many new steps ahead for my own personal development. I learnt to bite my tongue and bear the pain somehow when I couldn't take it no more...I watched as my heart was ripped apart in the open, yet I stood there watching it all and coping with it all somehow. And I walked out of it alive, stronger and able than before...and that's all that matters somehow.



A Self Portrait...
btw I have been asked by many of my friends here to take up this cool tag, and so here it is. I think it's a pretty good tag that'll make me realise more about myself and how I portray myself to others. Also it's a good way of resonating the journey of my spirit in 2008. So let's see what you have to say. Please be honest with your answers ok :). Thanks in advance!


Now, here are the questions for you to answer:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?

A Glance Through My Heart...
And since it's the holiday season and many people are on breaks, guess who's adding herself into that list? Keshi ofcourse. No I'm not leaving Blogville, so don't panic :). Just that I'm taking few weeks off from work. I hope to do some things around the house as well as spend some quality time with family and friends. It'll be a quiet Christmas for me this time around. Now I know that the holiday season is the hardest for single people...especially when you see couples holding hands, basked in the romance of the season and kissing under the mistletoe etc. All I can do this Christmas is kiss a tree I guess! *pictures myself glued to a Gum tree in a romantic position hell yeah!* No I'm not miserable being single...I think I have the best single life ever ;-). But the worst part is when relatives at parties nag you about why you're still single etc etc. I just want to ask them why they are still at it with a stupid biscuit in their hands hmmm. Can you think of something clever to tell them, just to shut them up til next Christmas or something? Maybe I should don a mask this time, so old aunts and uncles will not know who I am? They might just look at me, turn around and walk away LOL! Ok so here's wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Yes this will be my last post for 2008 (ok, may be not the last...just for Ria) but I will be in Blogville as usual, so don't worry. MWAH til we meet again in 2009! *Keshi leaves the building in her Manolo Blahniks ofcourse...tick tock tick tock tick tock... ... ...wooooosh...thud!...hell nah she didn't fall! ;-)*


Current Music: Last Christmas by Wham

So This is Christmas...

I drove to the mall on Saturday to buy a bday present for my friend's daughter. Her bday is on Christmas eve and every year there's a huge bday and Christmas party held at my friend's place, with loads of food, drinks, dancing, laughing etc. I have been to that party every year eversince my friend's daughter was born. So, when I went to the mall last weekend, I couldn't find a parking spot even though I was there around 9am...the 5-storey Parking was absolutely choc-a-block already! And I also witnessed 2 women screaming at each other over a parking spot and using all the swear words with kids in the back of their cars *talk about pure Christmas spirit!*. Finally, after about 30mins of driving around I was lucky to find my spot when someone left. So what exactly is this Christmas frenzy? People are buying and buying and buying...to many people, shopping has become a hobby/duty more than a necessity. I agree tis the season, but why do people GIVE only during Christmas? And that too ONLY to their loved-ones. Why not GIVE every single day? I don't mean giving gifts every single day (that's impossible and stupid too)...but why can't people GIVE to total strangers...to people who really NEED...some love, compassion, kindness and smiles. Surely it's not that hard or expensive, is it? If you can buy your child/friend a $100 gift, why is it so difficult to get a $50 gift for a total stranger? We always think twice before we give something to someone who really need it, but we waste alot on people who don't even need the stuff we buy...why? My little niece sent me an email today...she asked me what I was gonna get her for Christmas this year. I was numb as I read it...not that I didn't wanna give her anything, I always do and I love her alot. But she has everything in life...loving parents, a safe and secure home, good schooling, food on her plate, a truck load of toys and clothes and shoes, a great and loving family and friends etc etc. I was thinking...there are so many kids around the world who are poor, hungry, sick, beaten, unlawfully employed, abused, war-stricken, killed, and some have never even seen a Christmas gift in their entire lives...and with so much terror and massive ego clashes in this world today, alot of people didn't even make it to December this year. If you're reading this, then you've made it, and be glad that you're alive and privileged...cos the best Christmas gift ever is LIFE. Alot of people around the world don't know the kind of Christmas we know. They live a struggle every single day.


So this is Christmas...what more do we want and what have we given?

(watch the music video if you can)


Current Music: Happy Christmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon

Gaining Distance Losing Proximity...

Everything in life is about Distance. You get too close you'll suffer or you'll suffocate another. You get too far you'll miss out or you'll hurt another. Maintaining the perfect distance in relationships and everything else is quite a daunting and difficult task. Cos everytime I tried to get closer to someone or something (closer than before), I have been slapped hard on my face. On the contrary, everytime I distanced myself from someone or something (just to keep my emotions safe), I have often felt lonely and lost, or have been mistaken as arrogant and proud. So what is the perfect distance then? Actually there's no perfect distance. Just be. Cos that perfect distance varies from person to person. There's no single definition for it. I tried to keep away from people...distanced myself from many of my friends here...I stretched the distance as much as I could. I ran an emotional marathon, trying to gain more and more 'kilometres' away from it all. But the distance that I had gone was only physical...mentally I wasn't one mile more away from this place. The physical miles I've collected on my run were empty and poor...cos there was no one to applaud and no one to give me a bottle of water half way through my run...cos I was only running a lonesome marathon. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

On the other hand, Closeness or proximity is not something that everyone can give or feel. But Distance is a term most people are used to and know of. Proximity is not for everyone cos not everyone knows how to connect emotionally and stay connected that way. So they choose to keep a 'distance' instead. While we all need to keep a healthy distance from everyone in our lives and in any relationship, always remember that keeping a distance does not mean there should be no 'proximity' at all. If you don't know how to keep a healthy distance (space) as well as maintain a good proximity (closeness) in a relationship, then it's time you take a good look at your inner self...for if your life is all distance and no proximity, then all the marathons you've been running are in vain...for all the physical miles you've gained so far are empty and poor in quality. In winning the marathon, you've lost in life. If you can't connect closely with people yet keep a healthy distance, if you're running away from it all, if you're afraid of what's to come, if you wanna end it all even before it's over, then you're running an empty race. For what's the purpose in gaining mileage if there's no one to stop and say Hi to?

So, how far away are you from the world?


Share your thoughts/personal experiences (blogwise or not) with me.


This post is dedicated to all my blog-mates who are 'distancing' from Blogville and from all of us. The world needs more emotional proximity right now, not distance...c'mon close the gaps, bridge the distances and live it up, cos we all have very little time here...





Current Music: So Far Away by Dire Straits

Keshi Airlines Touches Down!

UPDATE: ok I finally chose some of the best captions for the pics below and wrote a small story using them. Instead of choosing just one winning title for each pic, I used the best ones for each pic, weaved the story of the lost and found Keshi, and included your names too...just to make it interesting, meaningful and sweet ya know :). The bolded red lines are the winning captions for each pic, your name is in brown and is right next to the winning caption in each line. I hope you like it. Thanks all for taking part and congrattz all winners yeyyyy!

Ok I think I've put all of you through enough pain and sadness by my recent mood. Yes I can be a very moody girl but I don't wanna make any of you sad cos of my hissy fits. After posting the last post, I realised that so many people are sad cos I've been in this shitty mood for awhile now. I'm really really sorry! So for all those who wanted me to be back here, simply cos you love and care about me, HERE I AM! :) Yes I'm back, not only cos I want to make you all happy but also cos I want to be here...I don't wanna leave a place this fantastic and this meaningful! Writing, expressing, reading, learning, connecting is my only solace...so how I can leave? Not yet! Even if I leave some day, I will leave this blog open...so that I can come and write and connect anytime I want to. Cos there's no such thing as a permanent goodbye...I believe you can never really leave something you truly love...cos even if we physically leave, we stay connected on a different level til the end of time. And so, I cannot really leave at all...no no no! :)

Thanks all for all the love and support during the past few weeks and in that last post too. Thanks for being so patient with me and putting up with my quest in the past few weeks. And thanks for all the encouraging messages, comments, txts and emails...it means alot to me guys! And thanks to all the silent readers who left a message for me in the last post. LOVE YOU ALL! Now here are few pics from my break to make you smile...look at my various moods in the past weeks...yes I'm one moody biyatch I know! Now I'd like you to title each pic according to what you see in them...and I'll choose the best title from your answers for each pic and update later on. Kapish? Goodo! Now Keshi is back alright!;-) All the best! *jeez look how long my hair is now!*


#1

A very smart Crystal wanted to bend it like Keshi, when all charming Kartz could see was the maiden in the sun, with an elated Tarun who was drenched in sunshine...and just when sweet Richa caught the sun beams, the ever ardent Nachi falls in love with Keshi Croft...

#2

A very passionate Sawan was mesmerised by the shades of life in shadows of colors, when the truly instinctive Raghav saw her spirit burning up...and her gorgeous friend Silvara saw her as fading away but still here, as the serene Arunima whispered to her 'you need to revel in your own light baby'...but her dearest mate Hemz still sees her as the Sunshine, with a delightful Tarun capturing her in the spotlight, and a caring Suresh wondering about the disappearing act...while a very thoughtful Diana portrays a quiet reflection through Priya's inner voice that whispered 'I'm a fire'...and just then the vivacious Ani sees a shining star as the enchanting beauty Sachi echoes Enlightenment...



#3

A pensive Diana pictures the endless wait while the ever graceful Suma finds her lost in contemplation, as a poignant Crystal feels she's gone with the wind...but 'hang on' says angelic Anits who awaits Hope as a conscientious Arunima sees it as giving it a thought...

#4

A reflective Raghav watches her hiding under the shadow as her faithful friend Tarun tries to find her in the dark night, and just when her darling friend Prashanti puts a missing poster for 'Labelle dame' she hears someone arriving with The Rat saying 'Hawa.. Hawaaii..here i come!'...holding pretty Diana's delicate hands she's all set to bloom, with the bold and strong Southy by her side and hungering for more love, laughter and light...


#5

A rather bright Suresh now sees her as closing a deal, and the warm and charming Ankur thinks it's zap time of the saga...I love the coffee time with you, says a cordial Arv as he winks with stars in his eyes when an unflinching Trevor is taking pictures of the fairy, as she poses with the seductress Silvara saying 'nothing sweet about me'...and as they all meet each other again and Maddy keeps seeing an Aarumugam in all of this, 'I hear music in my heart, mind and soul' says the most beautiful angel ever Krys...


#6

A quite psychic Aneesh thought she has a face with a smile when the heart weeps inside, and a very sensitive Ani heard her saying 'lets use glasses to hide the pain', but a rather coy Jeevan thinks she smiles to shyest, and a very caring Raghav tells her that life can make you smile too...so she Gog-gled up with the audacious Crystal, Indulgence yes thats what she is says a gallant Southy, and a radiant Starry starts to write her new chapter titled 'watch out here I come'...On mission future adds a very confident Diana...'look into my eyes', a calm and collected Samy suddenly hears voices...u r gonna kill me with those eyes, screams a shaken yet mesmerised Ankur...now you know my shades look better than Posh's, says Keshi and the ever intelligent babe Krithika with loud giggles from afar! Inside, a fire rages concludes an awesome Amit.

and so the love, light and laughter continues to be heard in the distant shores from around the world...we are here together forever and the beautiful story shall continue to be weaved as it's meant to be...yes Keshi, says Soul and the wonderful girl Devika.

Wait a minute baby...stay with me awhile
Said you'd give me light
But you never told me about the fire...

And this fav song of mine is dedicated to ALL of yous here! Yes you're my heart, you're my soul..that is the only thing I really know. Come dance with me now! ;-)

Current Music: Sara by Fleetwood Mac
Current Music Update: You're My Heart You're My Soul by Modern Talking

Eulogy Of The Living...

Here they lay me down to sleep
For another thousand years I weep
Autumn leaves, my bed they be
People and places I know not thee...
Dead and gone that's what I may be
For I wasn't what they chose to see
Frozen hands that I cannot feel
But my heart still pounds, as it bleeds...
Here they lay me down to sleep
For another thousand years I weep
Sun and the moon dance around me
But here I lay with my lips sealed.


I wept...I bled...I died...yet I'm alive. Where is the beginning and where is the end? I know not thee. I don't know what it is but I feel trapped, handicapped and unable to continue blogging like I used to...sorry I haven't been to your blogs either. Something is pulling me down...something has come to haunt me...something is pushing me off the cliff, yet trying to save me. I tried so hard to write something positive, happy and exciting with my holiday pics too...but it seems I cannot get to my old blogger mode again. It makes me feel quite sad. Could this be the unexpected end of one of the greatest chapters of my life? Something died in me...but I can't find what still keeps me here...now I feel like I'm the living dead in Blogville...maybe you should bury me.


Current Music: Haunted by Evanescence

Now That I've Cried...

You've killed
You've died
You've wrecked so many lives
You've cried
You've screamed
You've held your knives
But is this the end?
Did you reach that peace?
How could you think
That this is it?
If this was your dream
Then you got it all wrong
Cos nothing can kill
Unity and Love
People may die
And you may laugh
But the Truth lies deep
Within your heart
Now that you've killed
Now that you've died
What's next my brother
Now that I've cried?

Written by me to the extremists that took away so many innocent lives in the senseless Mumbai massacre last week. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families, and everyone in Mumbai. We still love Mumbai and nothing can take away it's beauty and peace!


In life and in death, we shall live in Unity. Never let anyone's cruel deeds steal the love in your heart. Never let fears of someone else make you a coward too. Continue to live in peace, and march ahead fearlessly...for you may die today, but love and unity can never die. Evil can never defeat Love...just like no amount of darkness can kill light. Please stay safe and unshaken wherever you are.


You may 'kill' me but I won't 'die'. Cos I'm love.

Current Music: Sathyam Shivam Sundaram by Lata Mangeshkar

A Sneak Peek...

How are we babies? :)

I just had to say Hi to ya...cos I miss ya all so very much! Thank you all so very much for the heart-felt comments, emails and messages so far...they all mean alot to me. MWAH!

Now here's just a quick update for ya on what's been happening with me so far:

*We have been driving around Sydney and it's been one terrific travel-a-thon so far

*I feel freer, happier and lighter, yes I do!

*We have been hunk-watching, dining, wining, dancing, partying and winking alot aha! ;-)

*No I haven't been eating alot, cos I am careful about that, duncha worry my boyfriends I still look great! *smilez*

*One of my cousins want me to cut my long long hair in Posh Spice style....hmmm let's see ha...what say guys?

*Tonight we are going to a Latin American club for some hot Salsa..ing ooh lala *I hope I meet an Antonio Banderas lookalike? plz God!*

*I fell down and rolled on the floor in a shop while shopping with a cuzn *ROFL!*

*Girls we shopped til we dropped! *hot new shoes, tops, shorts, accessories*

*Watched DVDs at home and vegged out on the couch...

*Laughed til we almost died!

*And I still MISS ALL OF YA SO VERY MUCH!

Will you see me again? Maybe 'yes' ha? Soon I hope. And I hope all of you are keeping well and staying happy? Tell me what's happening with you right now...c'mon update me on your life too. So, once again, thanks alot for all the love and care while I was away...thank you for remembering me, it means alot to me. And amidst all the fun I'm having right now, I remember you too my dear ones, hence this post for ya :). Ciao dahlins, see yous MWAH!

Current Music: Cry For You (you'll never see me again) by September

Through My Window...

Whoever who said that being alone is the only time you can truly be yourself and that our best companion ever is Solitude, are very wise people. The one who sees true beauty and the magic behind this life may sometimes have to walk alone...it's a fact. And all the misery in us stem from our inability to be alone...our constant need to be heard, wanted and understood. But you know, I tried and I nearly died trying. Cos no one will ever understand you fully. Cos we are lone creatures with lone judgements. Not everyone will walk with you and neither will you walk with everyone else. We all walk alone. We have friends and foes during the day, but at night we are alone, staring at the dark blue skies in complete solitude. And he who does not ask or want company just to secure an important place for himself in this world, is the greatest man ever...he who knows that even being alone, he is still valuable and very much a part of this great Universe. Caught up in the illusion called 'bonds' that don't last anyway, we continue to be mangled in the misery of wanting company, longing for our thoughts to be validated and our hearts to be recognised.

Yes, it's time for Keshi's heart to go into the wilderness for awhile. I'm not upset with anyone here, neither am I leaving Blogville for good. It's just that my heart needs some time off from the blinding city lights and speeding down the highway :). I will be back in few days time. Don't feel sad and don't think this is the end, cos it's not. You know I love you all very much and I can't just end it all like you mean nothing to me, cos you do. And it's not my style to cut away all of a sudden from the people who really cared about me and were there for me when I needed them badly, more than my own loved-ones could. And all those people who always stood by me no matter what, and during my last few flickering posts, THANKS from the bottom of my heart! *Enchanted, Mayz and Southy HUGS, and ty for the encouraging emails and posts!*. And those who read them and dismissed them without saying a word, THANKS to you too! Cos now I know who truly cares and who's just here for a mock game. And those who didn't have time nor the inclination to respond to my recent msgs/emails, I sincerely hope that some day you'd learn what 'acknowledgement' is...maybe you're not born with it but it's not too late to learn it. The world doesn't revolve around you...you revolve around it. Cos it's we who continue to seek attention from others instead of giving out real love...we continue to seek appreciation and validation of ourselves in others, instead of taking a good look at our own selves and learning to depend on ourselves. btw I also have some cousins coming over for a break and I will be spending alot of time with them and travelling interstate etc with them in the next few days. So, I can only log in occasionally to publish comments but I won't be around Blogville commenting in your blogs as usual. I'm really sorry guys but this is really necessary too...but keep writing and having fun. As promised I will be back soon all refreshed, and perhaps with lots of exciting news and more beautiful pics :). Til then take care, keep smiling, be well, be kind to each other, don't forget me, I'll do all the tags when I come back :) and hey never underestimate the power of being alone. MWAH so long my dearest mates I'm gonna miss ya tonnz!

Current Music: Make It Real by The Jets

Show Me The Way To Go Home...

Here are some pics of miscellaneous places that I captured from my camera recently...some of them are a bit old but possess a beauty that's hard to forget (Tulips). The Spring pics of the Peach blossoms, the cathedral, the government house (takes you to the beautiful Victorian era of 1800s when you're inside!), the botanical gardens, the weekend fair and the kangaroo pics are fairly new ones. My aunt was here few weeks ago and we have been taking her here and there, and this is the result of those trips. The last pic is very close to my heart...it was taken in the Sydney's famous Blue Mountains...it's a bush-walking track...a track of a mysterious fate...at the end of the road what will I find...will it be my home? What(/where) is home to you? (I have put captions on the pics to portray a journey...to tell a story)

Stopped by a banquet to have some fun...


Blossoming thoughts of my home far away...



















I was Thumbelina for a day...


Passing by a rather shy Koala friend...




















And I feel the grace of a cathedral...




















A peek inside God's room before I leave again...




















It rained purple for a while...


Legends telling me secrets from afar...




















Went inside a castle and went 100s of years back in time...












Strolled down the ever-blooming memory lane...


Walked through corridors of light, looking for peace of mind...


















Spent days in white satin...









The roos in the bush said to me: Where is your next destination mate?


I stopped to smell the flowers before the night hid it's beauty...
















Country roads, take me home...to the place where I belong...



















Current Music: Country Roads by John Denver

Was It Just A Dream?

Reflections...Spirit...Memories...Hurt...Sentiments...

Doors...Blows...

Touches...Kisses...Faces...Laughs...Cuts...Lessons...

Smiles...Love...

Viva Forever...Heartprints...Truth...Dreams...

Deceit...Time...

Pieces...Thoughts...Bonds...Novelty...Rust...Bridges...

Secrets...Broken...

Roads...Signs...Souls...Refuge.

Did I belong here...is this not my home...

Or was it just a dream..and did I just wake up?

What is 'Forever'?
What lasts forever?


Current Music: Viva Forever by Spice Girls