Last night I woke up breaking out in hives, on my right leg. I couldn't sleep after that. I must be emotionally stressed out or allergic to life? I don't know. Lately I have been a total insomniac and a big cry baby. Sometimes I can't even cry, only cos I've run out of tears. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's something deep in my subconscious that's longing to be heard. Suddenly I sense this immense distrust in people, I don't know what it is (both blogville and outside). After the breakup with my ex (few years ago) I have been so detached with people. It's not that I want to be that. It's just that I've become that. It's like I don't care anymore. I don't wanna be in love either. Not again. If it happens, I'd be so bored with all the bells and whistles I'd try to silence it all instantly. It's like I can't FEEL anymore...even if I do, it only lasts a very short time. Yeah, I've become a lonely, boring, love-avoider. I've become so lonely I don't think there's anymore left to feel in loneliness. How did that happen? No I didn't even feel it happening to me...it just took place somehow. Time and experiences take their toll on us even without our knowledge. Don't you agree? I think I know too much and have being through alot that I get bored easily when it comes to alot of things. It's like everywhere I go, everything I do, every turn I take, every person I meet, it's a dead end. I get claustrophobic by the predictability of it all. So now I try to avoid it all. It's a fine line between pleasure and pain, and it's so easy for me to cross over in a jiffy. It's like I'm sitting at the back row of life and watching it all pass in front of me, cos I just don't wanna take part anymore. Sometimes I wish I was just a country lass...someone who just don't know much and doesn't get bored every minute or so. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist. Sometimes I wanna leave all this and disappear into nothingness. And please don't tell me how I should feel, cos only I'd know how I feel.
Current Music: Pleasure & Pain by Divinyls