Tuesday, September 9

Til Life Do Us Part!

Getting Along Isn't Putting Up!

Have you ever got along with EVERYONE you came across so far in life? I haven't *hell nah! I've actually secretly spat on more people than I have kissed*. As much as I have met some amazing people in my life (including some very special blog buddies here), I have also met some Human Irritants...people I could never get along with, no matter how hard I/they tried. We may sit and wonder why that may be the case. But it really isn't rocket science. Just that we humans have mental and genetic 'antennas' that tune in well to some human 'channels' than we do to others :). I think each one of us is designed to be attracted to certain people and to get along well with them, be it family, friends or workmates, or even total strangers. We either get along or not, there are no in betweens *stop pretending you like someone just to feel good about yourself...it's an illusion*. Yes Human Chloroform exists, and sometimes we are that to others *knocking off the other's consciousness due to our lethal genetic ingredients that don't gel well with their's*. Some just get along well for life, some only for a short while and some just don't. Read on.


Messed Up Priorities And Suffering Spectators...
A friend of my mum rang me early Sunday morning, asking for a favor from me. She wanted me to drive her to the hospital, cos her son was admitted there for a sudden health checkup due to stress *he's pretty young btw*. So I drove to her place *a million dollar mansion that is*, picked her and her 2 very young grandkids up and drove to the hospital. And on Sunday it was Fathers' Day too, here in Aus. So there I was, with 2 very young kids and a grandma in my car, going to see their father (and son) in hospital on Fathers' Day. He is also a family friend of our's. This is the guy who is going through a gut-wrenching Divorce (my last post Dancer For Money). Now as soon as these kids got in my car, they started telling me all the gory details of the countless fights between their mum and dad (it's been going on for years btw). I was shocked, cos the little one is only 4yrs old and he was going on and on about how his mum HURT him etc etc! He calls me Keshi. He told me, in his cute little voice 'Keshi, my mum grabbed me from my arm and hurt me'. I was moved to tears at that point but was driving in total silence. I didn't wanna say anything against their mum..these are KIDS I'm dealing with and hey who am I to judge anyone anyways. Besides, their mum is also a family friend of our's. And when they went to their dad's bedside, the scene was too emotional for me...almost like a movie! The kids were all over him, asking him how he was, whether they did anything to make him ill, if and when the Divorce would be settled so they could live happily again etc etc! And the girl asked her dad 'Is it my fault papa?'. I was in a state of denial that I was actually witnessing a 4yr old boy and a 9yr old girl suffering this much in the hands of 2 adults' massive egos. Apparently the wife isn't agreeing to the Divorce settlement cos she's not happy with what she's getting *yeah she wants more than the $100,000 and the Apartment he was giving her*...but the apartment hasn't been paid off for totally, so she's dragging the whole thing longer and harder, cos she wants a part of the million dollar house!


Some Roads Never Meet...
I don't want to go into the ugly details of their bitter Divorce, but why I brought it up here is to ask one question, in relation to what I said earlier in this post. When 2 people don't get along, it's sensible to live apart than to live together and hurt more people in that process, especially kids. When adults don't get along, when they become violent towards each other, when they can't control themselves, when they are fighting for years, when children are involved, why do some adults prioritise money and assets against the wellbeing of kids and they themselves? I will never understand that. I have never been married but I know that some day if I get married and then if I find that I can't get along with the man I married, I'd leave...not in greed...I'd just do the BEST by my kids. I don't want money, assets or cars...I have my own, thanks! But even if I don't have my own, I'd say LIFE comes first under any situation. When I don't get along with someone, I don't want to drag a meaningless, hollow and ugly battle at the cost of others' lives and happiness. I just like quick and clean breakups.


Some Things Don't Have A Price Tag...
My mum and dad didn't have the most peaceful marriage either, though they fell in love and got married. They had their many ups and downs, fights and arguments too. I was very young then and I remember them screaming at each other sometimes, my mum crying, my dad being really pissed and me crying really loud hoping they'd stop behaving like that *my innocence back then didn't understand why adults behaved like that*. I just wonder if any of those painful memories affect my certain decisions even today. Who knows what my subconscious has etched. I'm not blaming my parents *they had some magical times together too, they were the best and I love them alot*, I know that not even the best of couples get along every single day...but sometimes we have to stop and think if someone else is watching us or is getting affected by what we do. And many years later, you may regret about your own behavior, especially when people who don't deserve to suffer have suffered *like the 2 kids in my friends' case*. A damaged and turbulent childhood, lost affection and an untimely death of innocence are not things that can ever be replaced or bought by money. Who wins and who loses here? Tell me. So do you get along with someone, or do you just put up with them cos of shallow reasons? Would you seek revenge just cos you don't like that person and at the cost of others' wellbeing? Or would you just chuck it *even though it's the harder way out* and concentrate on important things in life...such as LIFE? Share your childhood (and breakup etc) experiences and thoughts on this please. Thanks!


Current Music: Winner Takes It All by ABBA

127 Cranium Signets:

Matangi Mawley said...

Damn sensible!

Arjun said...

Hey Keshi!!
That was touching. It brought forth a slight wetness in the eyes.

In my childhood, mom and dad fought too - once in a while. Nothing violent - but definitely stressful.

I'm married now. We do our bit too.
But it doesn't mean that love has exited the relationship. I believe that 2 individuals will have different opinions. As long as they can share them (even argue and fight), but respect the other for his/her views - things will be fine.

Chakoli said...

Hahahahhahahhaa



very true dear :DDD

after all world is full of all type of species :DDD

like you and me :DD

soem meet

and soem meet to irriateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhh!!!

mayz said...

u sensed my mood tdy!!!

ani said...

that was a reallyy touching post..

i know what u mean.. no one is perfect.. n thus no relationship is perfect.. if ppl say no we are the most ideal and the perfect couple.. well that could be right in theory.. but in practicality or in the real life.. u will have a tiff about something or the other.. because its a free world and we love to express our opinion.. and we do it more when it comes to telling it to the person whom we are sharing our life with .. and here's were the problem arises.. all the compromise..the ego.. everything comes into play..

i do love my parents.. and the can't be with out the other.. but then they have had their share of fites.. which sometimes made me wonder.. why r they doing this.. is it because of me.. n like how u thought.. let me cry louder and am sure they will leave it...

its really sad about those 2 kids.. i think parents need to realise that there freedom comes with a price if they are parting ways .. and note i said parents.. not individuals.. its different tht u r parting ways even before u had kids.. but when there is a kid involved in the whole thing.. i think the kids best interest should be considered.. not the assets.. money.. or $1million..

SMM said...

Hey gurl....no two people can be together and never have a disagreement. I refuse to beleive that two people who are true and honest with each other will never have a fight.

Arjun and me have our fair share of fights and disagreements. I love him but I don't always agree with him. My parents too had their fair share of fights.

But what your friend is doing is vile. How can she hurt her own children? I can't even dream of doing that. Whatever differences I may have with their father sometimes, I would never want them to become pawns in it

girish kohli said...

live in peace and harmony...full of love and sex...

but if after all tht has been tried...and u still are two different ppl... best to call it quits

i am two with myself many a times...but then i go take walks and let my two sides become bros again...luckily i havent felt like calling quits on me netime recently...

girish kohli said...

kids can be more mature than adults

Hemanth Potluri said...

u stupid u made me cry with this cold now....:'(...i am still crying kesh....i dont know wat to say...i wll be back to comment ...let me cry till i am empty...:(..


urs..hemu..

Chaggoholic.... said...

Hey amazin long post that was. next time i shall come wid more spare time as there is so much to read. nice very nice....

Gauri said...

I cannot agree with you more Keshi. I too honestly feel that there are people whom we get along with and there are those who rub you off the wrong way right from the word GO. Instincts go a long way in guiding one towards deciding which category people fall into.

I've witnessed my share of fights between my parents too Keshi, during my childhood. In fact, I remember my dad used to threaten to walk out and never come back and I used to be so scared that was going to happen someday - I remember sobbing all by myself. Yes - fights do scar children, badly at times. Adults may say something and then make up but with children it stays in their mind, it plays on their mind and in worst cases, scars them - sometimes for a lifetime.

I do hope things smoothen out for your friend's kids. My heart goes out to them.

restless_soul said...

I don't get along all people I meet and they don't get along with me as well. I do get pissed but at the end of the day we are different individuals, we have our own biases, preferences and alignments. Luckily I never had to carry on with most of these people.
--------------------
Childhood is precious and it moulds one's entire life. Parents need to know these otherwise they shouldn't be parents but again we all are selfish by instincts. The wrongs-doings others point at us; we have our own justifications for them. Very few time we do things which we ourselves consider wrong.
--------------------------
Money is obviously important; most important in most of the cases. But when one earns it at the stake of others' rightful happiness and goodness that is not justified.
---------------------------
Differences needs to be sorted. Luckily in society like ours divorce cases are not very high and unfortunately this is not because ppl r happier here but women are underprivileged. Life for a divorced woman is worse than life for a woman in hateful married life...
----------------------

Sach! said...

aww! that post was something..
how are you now?
I totally agree that you can't just see a persona and be friends (or more) with someone...this is one reason why I often discourage typically arranged marriages...
As far as love at house is concerned, I think it's all dependent! My mum 'nd Dad never argue..I have seen Dad being angry and not-at-all-accepting and seen Mum transferring to a sober lady, accepting all the mood swings..and vice versa too..It's all about LOVE 'nd understanding and yes! that's where they shun their EGO too.
But if it's about me, I am a bad soul! I love fights. Yea yea..verbal only! :P
But did I mention my best friend NJ and I never fight! Not even argue :D :D :D

deepsat said...

so sad to hear abt those kids. now, what have they done wrong!!

we call parents grown ups and sometimes they lack the sensibility of those kids!

guess we all see our parents fight. most of us survive becoz somewhere parents realize the importance of kids. some of us are lucky! many are not!

HOBO said...

What to say. You said all.
One should watch what the unintentional worst impact is going on others too.
Claps Keshi for your this post.
:)

Crystal.. said...

So true..and painful.

ANWESA said...

i had an absolute blissful childhood n i do hav it now too..lol..my parents do hav differences,but in a way that they complement each other.n ur topic dis tym was really worth reading..keep it up..

Cess said...

My parents divorced when I was 15, in a way it was better to have them separate and happy than together and unhappy. My mum was brilliant and put her kids before her, even though my dad left her, she never said something bad against my father to probably protect us. My dad did not take care of us the following 2 years but at least he was giving my mum money, which i think is necessary because at the beginning u were two people making a child not just one, so no matter u are together or not, u should still take care of ur kids both till they can be be independent. My parents are still talkin to each others when there is a concern regarding me or my brother, and my mum sees her ex mother in law even more than my dad his mother ;) I m not sure if I would have been able to handle the separation like my mum did. I m not married either, and I don t necessarily see myself married, u can live happy with somebody without getting married, plus in France Divorce is way more popular and too expensive ;)

ancientmariner said...

its difficult to imagine that two people who were madly in love feel that they are not compatible anymore...but I see this happening quite frequently now a days..

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

No relationship is perfect,no matter how much love it might have.What matters is to get back to that bond after wringing and squeezing it with fights,every single time.Not everyone can bounce back that way,and that ultimately leads to break ups/separation/divorces.

Parents fights - tell me about it!I remember my Mom and Dad going at each other too,and poor me all alone used to cry and even call the neighbors at times,lol.But they used to get back always,and then everything would be back to happy happy in my li'l world :)

phoenix said...

god! tell me about not getting along with people!jeez and top of it pretend that everything is well!hate this diplomatic thing...but then its survival after all!

enchanted illusionz said...

my parents don fight much , dey do but its not carried onto de nxt moment. both say wot dey hv 2 say , at de mst dey wld sulk 4 a few hrs ,dat is it.
but it is not so de case 4 mst couples i knw , yeah...wen de kids r involved ,its so sad. dey take it ll out on dem , oh...dis is wots happenin 4 a few of my nephews & nieces.
i hv no idea y dey r still together , dey say its all 4 de kids ...ha ha..hw can dey fool themselves.
i guess dey hv gt addicted to all dis fightin & pain & drama n thier lives
& yeah..den ders de money part too...i srsly don understnd it ll..it isnt vry easy to make or lose money , but der r thngs whch once lst cannot b gt bak.y don dey understnd ...
hats off keshi 4 alwz comin up wit issues dat v all knw , v ll see it happenin arnd , but prefer 2 act blind.

stony said...

* Just that we humans have mental and genetic 'antennas' that tune in well to some human 'channels' than we do to others :)

The waves received at our sensors have changed wavelength when they touch our hearts. This depends on refractive index of the medium between sensors and heart.

This explains why the heart may be in perfect accord with wrong wavelengths and in discord with the right ones.

* Suffering Spectators...

- The kids are the first ones to bear the brunt of a marital discord and for no fault of theirs.

- Both the parents lobby against each other to convey to their kids that it's the other parent who is at fault. eg when the kids are around, the mom would burst aloud, "You want me dead/ out of your life." or the dad playing innocent/ victimised.

- The kids, who have tender minds and hearts, have to just wonder who is at fault - Mom, dad or I?

- But who is REALLY at fault? It's the GREED to get more; the GREED to live life more the way you want; the GREED to have the so-called emotional freedom.

- But how can they, without scrupling? DENIAL helps them as usual. Hear this. My kids should know how to fight for their legitimate rights. My kids should know you don't get anything unless you grab it. I have to first secure my comforts so that I can give comforts to the kids later.

- What should kids do? Just pray they get the right to choose/ change parents... in their next life.

* I just like quick and clean breakups.

Amen. That is the only right way for both husband and wife. Rest all is bullshit. We should know the difference between "different opiniions" and "fucked-up marital discords" taking their toll on kids and your own lives.

My prayer - May you stay as clean after marriage as you are now.

(Some people say - A woman's marriage is like another birth. Do they mean they would end up doing things they detested pre-marriage?)

Think Tank said...

some post ...i usually go off halfway through a long post but yours keep me hooked ..its really painful how some people can be naive enough to let their troubles be the cause of others ..those poor kids evn if that four year old gets over it dat girl is scarred forever ..its hard to forget thibgs like that

Zubin said...

Hey keshi..
hmm...too be quite frank...I would never understand the whole 'not getting together' scenario..If two people can't really be together..their subconsciousness would make them part.

But when two people are fighting to be...or not to...be together, it means they do gel together...just a few things they couldn't agree upon. I myself am a trier..and believe me its very hard to be on one side..trying..knowing the worth of a relationship..watching the other side adamant on parting.

The rule is..when its gotta break its gotta break...but not without trying... Personally I don't understand violence...in ANY PART of life...and I could never understand why...its not the same...for most of the others as well...

Well..thats the most I have to say...as I am not experienced enough regarding relationships ..! :)

and hey btw...I have shifted my blog...here...

http://themoled.blogspot.com/

....Zub

Nirmal said...

in a family fights happen......i dont think its a big deal..

but divorce is one...

AVIANA said...

hey there..

wow...well my childhood experience was similar in that i constantly witnessed my parents argue and watched them spy on each other. they actually made me part of their spy tactics...i was to be involved as if i was part of the whole thing...even to this day my parents involve me in their shenanigans as if I am a member...

it didn't hurt me to the point i cried...actually it didn't bother me like how it affects your friend's kids in your post

it deals with growing up as an individual...as a human being...

can i blame them...they probably were caught up in similar situations themselves growing up and they don't know any better....

but then you think where does the cycle end....i strongly believe that the cycle has ended with me because for some odd reason, i was able to reason much then they did ....and i realized it at the age of 5...even to this age i remember that moment and i'm still shocked of how i was able to reason better than my father when he was just angry...

i'm not trying to be a downer but i'm not so sure if you're friends are going to change...it will have to be up to those children to realize the need to break the cycle as they grow older...

hope you're good sweetie... :)

starry nights said...

A very touching post and so true.It is sad when children are involved,they are innocent and have to watch this drama.No amount of money can buy the emotional discomfort these kids are going through.I believe that if a marriage is as rcky as this is she should leave and leave peacefully .I know our culture makes us stay in a loveless marriage at times but times are changing and women know better.J and me have our share of arguments and fights , I try not to bring up anything in front of the kids, even though they are teens, I am sure it is very upsetting and I don't want them to take sides.In the end he is their father and I don't have the right to destroy any good relationship they have with him. sometimes two roads never meet.

Hemanth Potluri said...

ok i am bac now....u really touched me today kesh...this post was marvelous...i cant explain how i felt wen i read this..it made me cry to know such situations arise in life...one thing i can say of all...if the truth between the couple is true then the fights wont arise...and i pray to god my wife does not fight with me ;)..nways no one can predict wat it's goin to be...

i live with my parents .and i love them more then anything...they have fites but its not because they want it but because of wat the children r today...i mean me...i sometimes rise a situation ...but its not bad..and it happens in every family....

and i am really sad abt the 2 kids yaar..i had so many tears wen i read the sentence "Keshi, my mum grabbed me from my arm and hurt me" the parents have problems i still don't understand y they impose on the kids its a really bad thing..and she wants money thats all..is she living only for money..thats a very bad thing ..:(...

over al i wud say u mae me cry today ..and i had never before had soo much sadness feeling abt the some people..but i really pity the 2 kids..:(..

urs..hemu..

Tarun said...

I have had lot of people around who I cant be friends with.
I should actually not look fwd to be friendly to all ... but one must have select group of friends.

Marriage has no space for physical/mental abuse.

Jeevan said...

I was moved too by the kids here! We can live our life without affecting or disturbing others much. Who wins and who loses here?” mostly not those who really fight in this case and the aim have kept out what really means. As a family ever we don’t like each other particularly, to have family in mind must adjust and go... nor the life we lived becomes meaningless.

La vida Loca said...

Fights are a normal part of most marriages...but being respectful goes a long way.
The 'rents fought a LOT too..but are sticking it together. As for me I dont have dramatic break up stories coz I guess I never gave myself fully to any relationship....except N..and it came v v slowly

Parul Gupta said...

hi darlin...
hw r u...missed u too...
thanks for all ur wishes n love...

i know i was missing from action for a long time but now that i m back i ll read all ur posts....

hope life is otherwise rocking for u..

cheers sweetie...
parul

Parul Gupta said...

hi darlin...
hw r u...missed u too...
thanks for all ur wishes n love...

i know i was missing from action for a long time but now that i m back i ll read all ur posts....

hope life is otherwise rocking for u..

cheers sweetie...
parul

Jay said...

I would definitely not stick around if all my spouse and I could do was fight. I get tired of fighting quickly anyway. I especially wouldn't be fighting in front of little kids. You can't be doing things like that.

stony said...

After a second thought, I am inclined to believe that my previous comment was a bit irresponsible and one-sided. Hence this addendum/ disclaimer -

Separation should be the last resort... after we have made HONEST efforts to resolve differences. These efforts include exploring your own unreasonableness, marriage counselling, psychological counseling/ therapy of YOURSELF and your spouse, involving kids to find out unspoken issues of the spouse, reading books on the subject (Men are from Mars... etc) and NOT BEING GUIDED BY BLOGMATES (they would invariably say you are right and your spouse is wrong. In any case, they are not experts.) and of course one-to-one communication with spouse to know not-so-far-spoken irritants, unconditionally apologizing for mistakes you may have committed, as perceived by your spouse.

If you are HONESTLY sure you have tried all avenues, your spouse is AWARE OF SINCERITY OF YOUR EFFORTS and is still adamant on breaking away for reasons not in your control, then making more efforts is a waste of time.

I am sorry I should not have posted my comments in haste.

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi-get along with EVERYONE?haha..no way.The best I can be with people I don't like,is,be cordial.Beyond that,my dislike usually becomes visible easily.But,then,as I said,it's not a good habit,and I'm trying to get over it.
---
Sigh-the story of the two kids who've gone through the trauma of seeing their parents fighting was really touching.I cannot imagine how the kids will grow up,having seen such fights at such a young age.But,you're right-rather than subject kids to this situation,it's better that the parents separate.Though,of course,it's not an ideal solution.This is one of those times when I wonder at God's justice,and the purpose of such situations.*muses*
--
Have I been through such situations?Let me think-well,not so serious,even with friends.Will think and let u know.At present,I just avoid any situations which create stress/tension..just not worth it-life's too precious.:)TC.

Aneesh said...

***stop pretending you like someone just to feel good about yourself...it's an illusion

Life itself is an illusion, isn't it?

Well, any relation, whether couple/friendship/love entirely depends on the individual.

If we can remove the "I and You" part, that will remove half the trouble. I am this, I am that, You did that, you did this. Instead if "we" can be used, that would be better.

***So do you get along with someone, or do you just put up with them cos of shallow reasons?
I am generally good in getting along with people. but it certainly depends on the other person too. If I get a feeling that the other person don't want to be with me, I never compel.

***Would you seek revenge just cos you don't like that person and at the cost of others' wellbeing?

Never, I have a big heart to forgive anything, if the person is ready to realize his/her mistake. But, revenge, ofcourse will be there if the limits are crossed and my limits till now have never been wrong.

Or would you just chuck it *even though it's the harder way out* and concentrate on important things in life...such as LIFE?
If I have to I will
:)

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

hi keshi
there are some people with whom you just don't gel &know it from the start , then there are some about whom you think can be your friends / partners ,but later on , with time , find that you were wrong .

my parents had what you call "an arranged marriage". & I wont say that I haven't seen their share of fights & as a kid , I would actually think that even a small disagreement would lead them getting divorced ( call me paranoid) .But then , I've also been a witness to the many patching ups & realised that when two people share lives they have to share insights too &maybe sometimes it can be difficult to do so.
Luckily for me , my folks could see each other's view pretty often , but there are many whose folks don't. in that case , I feel , its only "okay" to part ways . however , children can be scarred if things are not handled maturely &that's where a grown up attitude towards them helps.

Cinderella. said...

Girl, tell you what, there are times when we dont get along with ppl we love. They have n do drive you up the wall n make you feel it would've been much much easier if you weren't to deal with this shit !

A relationship is always a 2 way street. Both the counterparts need to constantly work on it to contribute to a healthy n happy life. And that needs to be done everyday.

Sadly ppl dont realise that n let ego rule themselves instead of rationale or love - whatever suffices.

A very thought-provoking post girl.
Btw, you gotta come n answer a question of mine at my blog.

WP 2007 - 08 said...

Hi Keshi

In the case of a divorce no one wins except the lawyers. I heard both men and women say that they were the victims in their divorce. The real victims are the children. Some couples stay together for the sake of their children. Sometimes this good, but all too often the children—like the kids you mentioned—are forced to see their parents fight.
In cases like these, the parents should go their own way.

The following story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I attended a funeral yesterday which seems to be a daily routine lately. Anyway, the service was in progress when a gentleman across from us started coughing and then he seemed to be choking. My quick wit got the better of me and I had to keep from laughing. You well know I have a morbid sense of humor. I was laughing at the fact that this person could die in a funeral home while the service is in progress. I know it doesn’t seem funny now, but it did at the time.

On a sad note, the funeral had exceptionally bad undertones. The woman’s only daughter had not spoken to her mother in a year due to a fight they had. The mother died suddenly. The daughter will take her guilt to her grave.


Bev

Stupidosaur said...

Kids do suffer a lot. Sometimes the kids may also not realise it until later. I know cause I did.

Stupidosaur said...

Well at least my parents didn't bother about divorce and alimony. No divorce nothing. Just separated. Wow!

The Phosgene Kid said...

Hope I am on the kiss list (just on the cheek, mind you).

The kids are the real victims in divorce...

Beach Bum said...

I don't know how to answer your questions. I've been in the child's position with me wondering what mental illness had afflicted my parents with the acting like such asses. And I've been in the parents position wondering, after months of mental attacks from my wife, that I should chunk it all and just leave.
I never could figure out why my parents acted the way they did so I made my peace with it. As for my actions and how to respond to my wife's behavior when she was at her worst I chose to stay for the sake of my kids for whom I felt they would be subject to her redirected wrath. Why didn't I just take the kids if I was worried they might be wronged? Sadly, the court system where I live is far more sympathetic to the moms, with any dad having a far harder burden of proof in saying he should take care of children. At least after many months of enduring my wife's behavior she is now taking medicine to soften her worst moods.

Keshi said...

WC Matangi n tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Arjun tnxx!


** As long as they can share them (even argue and fight), but respect the other for his/her views - things will be fine.


I agree. RESPECT is imp in a r'ship. Once u lose that (even in friendships etc), the meaning of it all dies.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Chakoli :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mayz n that is?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Ani!


I agree...Ego plays a big role in Separations. Many ppl fail to let go of their Ego, and it goes that far!


**and note i said parents.. not individuals..

Spot on! Cos once u hv kids, both parents become a SINGLE unit of love n support for their kids.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey SMM!

Yes I agree with ya...there cant be true love w.o. some disagreements in there too. Every couple hv fights.

Boy I fought alot with my ex too lol! We used to be angry for days and then talk so sweetly hehehe...


**Whatever differences I may have with their father sometimes, I would never want them to become pawns in it

Well-said!

In this case, the mother is using the kids to get at the father. Its so not fair on the lil ones!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Girish tnxx!


**but if after all tht has been tried...and u still are two different ppl... best to call it quits


I agree. Cos alot of the time, the love n sex will keep u happy for a while and then when kids, bills, obligations etc etc creep into the marriage, ppl get shattered...


I hv many sides to me too Girish...sometimes I hate em all and wanna call it quits :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

**kids can be more mature than adults


totally agree! they tell it like it is.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Hemz awww..:)

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Chag hey WC n tnxx! :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Gauri!


**In fact, I remember my dad used to threaten to walk out and never come back and I used to be so scared that was going to happen someday -


that must hv been really hard on ur self. I rem such incidents too..between mum n dad. They had a turbulent life cos they both came from different races too..and married against my dad's parents wishes...

Yes such events scar a child's psyche...some beyond repair.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Restless u make great sense!


**Parents need to know these otherwise they shouldn't be parents but again we all are selfish by instincts.

I agree..its cos we humans r SELFISH and often forget to think abt others, even our own kids.



**But when one earns it at the stake of others' rightful happiness and goodness that is not justified.

Thats exactly wut I meant by this post.




**...unfortunately this is not because ppl r happier here but women are underprivileged. Life for a divorced woman is worse than life for a woman in hateful married life...


wow well-said! Its the same case in SL...women FEAR divorce and society more than living with a violent man! Sad state of affairs.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Sach Im ok. HUGS!


**that's where they shun their EGO too.

Its so difficult to hush our Egos Sach..it needs alot of Understanding and maturity.


Im glad ur parents hv such a great bond. Kudos to em!


*NJ

aww how sweet! :)


And like u, I argue alot lol! I dunno why...but Im never unfair. I always speak the truth and I confront ppl. And I do know when to let go too.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Deepz ty!

**we call parents grown ups and sometimes they lack the sensibility of those kids

I agree! Thats why I believe that when we grow up, we become more messed up.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Hobo!

I prolly wrote this post with alot of SENSE, cos Im not in my friends' shoes..who know wut I'd really be doing if I was in their shoes ha? :)

But I know I will never put myself and my kids thru so much agony!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Crystal!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Anwesa tnxx hun :)

Im glad ur parents support each other so well...thats the way it should be.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Cess WC and Merci! :)

It was great of u to share ur story with us here. HUGS!



** My mum was brilliant and put her kids before her, even though my dad left her, she never said something bad against my father to probably protect us


see wut I mean..u saw ur mum's sensibility and maturity thru her actions, even in the midst of a divorce. And thats great. Cos children grasp and leanr good/bad things from their parents.


Its good to know that ur parents separated under amicable circumstances and are still in touch. Being separated isnt a bad thing but being vengeful is...like in my friends' case.


And I agree with ya...Marriage isnt a NECESSITY in this era. Happiness truly comes from within.


TC and all the best!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Ancient!

**its difficult to imagine that two people who were madly in love feel that they are not compatible anymore


yep, it seems unbelievable. But often, Attraction, Lust and even Love etc can fade over time...whether we like it or not.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Sameera thats so true...only few ppl bounce back. mebbe cos they TRY harder?


**I remember my Mom and Dad going at each other too,and poor me all alone used to cry and even call the neighbors at times


aww lolz ur so cute! once I witnessed my parents fighting and I thought they were gonna kill each other...cos their voices were so loud. I was abt 5yrs old...I got so upset and I went and hit my dad on the tummy. LOL I dun even know if he noticed me then!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Phoenix!

I detest Diplomacy. Thats why I tell ppl on their faces, how I feel. Even in Blogville. :)

And I know alot of ppl hate my guts but hey atleast Im not kidding myself like they r!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Enchanted!

Im glad ur parents r generally peace-loving people :)


**dey say its all 4 de kids ...ha ha..hw can dey fool themselves.

Thats really sad! Staying together for the sake of kids doesnt mean staying together and trying to kill each other!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Stony!

That was a very thought-provoking comment. Loved it.



**Both the parents lobby against each other to convey to their kids that it's the other parent who is at fault

true...this is whats happening in my friends' house. The kids r being 'pulled' from both sides and they dunno which side is REAL.


Financial security is imp and kids should know that too, but not at the cost of losing their innocence. I hate it when parents do that to kids.



**My prayer - May you stay as clean after marriage as you are now.

Wud I change? I hope not :)



**(Some people say - A woman's marriage is like another birth. Do they mean they would end up doing things they detested pre-marriage?)


I dun think so! I say we hv a personality that dun change from the day we r born until the day we die. Thats what I believe. We may learn new things and perhaps 'adjust' a lil bit, but never change completely...wut say?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Think_Tank!


**those poor kids evn if that four year old gets over it dat girl is scarred forever ..its hard to forget thibgs like that


I agree..the girl seem to be suffering more. She told me that she had class assignments that she cudnt do due to all the fights at home...and she was scared that she was gonna get a 0!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Zubin tnxx!


**The rule is..when its gotta break its gotta break...but not without trying

I agree! Trying to stay together is imp..but if that doesnt work after many attempts, then the best thing to do is go separate ways.

Its healthier to stay apart than to stay together n fight all the time.

Will check ur new blog soon :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nirmal it's family fights that lead to Divorce! so yeah, it can become a big deal.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Lisa HUGS! I missed ya.


**they actually made me part of their spy tactics...

thats so sad! I can never USE a kid to get at someone. I dunno how some ppl do that..its beyond my comprehension.

And u were only 5?? OMG.


My friends wont change...thats why they r in the middle of a Divorce case. I hope the kids will be able to comprehend wuts sense and wuts not, when they grow up. Like u hv now.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Starry ur a SENSIBLE and CARING mum...thats how and why u know wut to do when u and ur husband hv an argument.


**No amount of money can buy the emotional discomfort these kids are going through.

Spot on! Thats what I mean too. These kids r damaged beyond repair..u know the girl is going for Counseling...cos she's stressed out!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Hemz!

yes there r fights in ever household...but some ppl dun care how their kids might be feeling abt it or wut they r going thru...thats the saddest part of it all.


Im glad ur parents r sensible ppl Hemz :)


**money

Somehow the power of money seem drown some ppl in despair for life!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Tarun!

I can usually 'sense' who's who pretty quickly. :) and if I get 'I dun think I wanna know u' vibes, I dun even try hehehe.


**Marriage has no space for physical/mental abuse.

I agree. But IT happens alot!

Many ppl think Marriage is all rosy, comfy, luvy duvy and a whole new beginning towards total happiness. Well mebbe only during the honeymoon! There's alot of WORK to be done after that, to stay happy n together.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Jeevan!

**mostly not those who really fight in this case and the aim have kept out what really means.

well-said! In the process of fighting for money and assets, ppl forget what the real issue is!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty LaVida!

**Fights are a normal part of most marriages...but being respectful goes a long way.


I agree totally. RESPECT is the key word!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Parul WB! :)

Missed ya loadz!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Jay!

**I get tired of fighting quickly anyway

haha me too! I might sound like the meanest biyatch when I fight but in few moments Im DONE...next plz! LOL!


Keshi.

Diana said...

It’s no secret that divorce can be pretty hard on kids. From depression, anxiety, problems at school, to difficulty maintaining their own future relationships, children struggle when their stable home life is disrupted.

My maternal uncle and aunty endured a very broken marriage - they would probably say for the sake of the kids - in hindsight, I would say it was due to peer pressure and for fear of having to start over.

Their two daughers, L and P, had major issues in relationships and commitment because their example of marriage was loveless and utterly lacking mutual respect. It wasn’t abusive but there were definitely plenty of explosive moments.

Marriage wasn’t anything L was in a hurry to sign up for. She had always wanted to be married in theory - again peer pressure - but could never commit. It wasn’t a conscious thing, but it was definitely there as L sabotaged every relationship she had. It wasn’t until her late 30s that she was able to lean on a few examples of good marriages to reframe her perspective on marriage and truly open herself up to the idea that it will take work, but it can be really fulfulling. Her sister, P is still really struggling with it.

Keshi said...

Stony nooo I loved all ur comments! So chill. :)


**If you are HONESTLY sure you have tried all avenues, your spouse is AWARE OF SINCERITY OF YOUR EFFORTS and is still adamant on breaking away for reasons not in your control, then making more efforts is a waste of time


Thats it! I believe in that too.

And both my friends TRIED out EVERY avenue there ever was to FIX things. Such as therapy, police, counseling etc etc. But they realised they were not meant to be together. Hence he filed for Divorce. She wanted to stay (SHE told me) but he is sick of her tanties now. Thats what HE tells me!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey try Amit!

**Beyond that,my dislike usually becomes visible easily

hahaha me too!


yes...even I wonder why once happily-married ppl start hating each other so much!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Aneesh!

**Life itself is an illusion, isn't it?

Most of the time it is. We all just PLAY the game. Sadly.



**If we can remove the "I and You" part, that will remove half the trouble. I am this, I am that, You did that, you did this. Instead if "we" can be used, that would be better.


Spot on! The Ego plays with many ppl and they dun even realise that!





**If I get a feeling that the other person don't want to be with me, I never compel.

Good on ya! I take one more step..I tell em they suck. LOL!




**Never, I have a big heart to forgive anything, if the person is ready to realize his/her mistake.

awww... :) I know u do.



**But, revenge, ofcourse will be there if the limits are crossed and my limits till now have never been wrong.


Revenge? never be vengeful Aneesh! It'll only HURT YOU.




**If I have to I will...

way to be! :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Truthful!

Im glad ur 'rents r NORMAL cos many r selfish hehehe...


**I've also been a witness to the many patching ups & realised that when two people share lives they have to share insights too &maybe sometimes it can be difficult to do so.

Thats so true! As kids we notice all of that and such things get etched in our minds forever...the more good things the better.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Cindy!


**Sadly ppl dont realise that n let ego rule themselves instead of rationale or love - whatever suffices

yes! thats cos we selfish humanbeings...we only wanna think abt OURSELVES most of the time.


I saw ur new post..lol cute one! I like it girl!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Bev tnxx hun!

yes..the children r the real victims! Adamant n selfish parents dun realise that.


hahahaha @choking in funeral! mebbe he too cud've gotten his Eulogy read then n there? lol!




** The woman’s only daughter had not spoken to her mother in a year due to a fight they had. The mother died suddenly. The daughter will take her guilt to her grave.


OMG thats so sad! I know sooooo many ppl like that...within my own family. Some ppl think Life is forever and keep grudges forever. And when life shows u how short it can be, its too late to make amends. So very sad!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Stupid Im sorry to hear abt ur parents and u...I hope u've gotten over it?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Phoso haha ur too cute! *MWAH* :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey BB I really admire ur strength and positivity. I know u've been thru alot with ur wife but u always put ur kids first. And thats admirable!



**Sadly, the court system where I live is far more sympathetic to the moms, with any dad having a far harder burden of proof in saying he should take care of children

I know! its the same in Aus. But if the mother is violent, there's no chance she'd get the custody of her kids.


I hope u and ur wife will work things out somehow.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Diana ty for sharing that story with us!


** L and P, had major issues in relationships and commitment because their example of marriage was loveless and utterly lacking mutual respect


thats their subconscious guiding them based on what they were EXPOSED to in their childhood. Thats so sad.


I hope they both find real love and a satisfying marriage.


Keshi.

maverick said...

wow..tht was such a true post...i mean i ve seen so many ups n downs in my folks lives...i ve grown up seeing them fight n argue...and even i dont know how much it has changed me or developed me into who i am.....even today when they argue..me or my bro jump in after a while n divert the argument on to one of us so that my folks stop arguing...it works sometimes...it doesnt sometime...

newaz replied to your comment on my blog :)

the stygian sailor said...

we ve had our fights! lets break up and divorce

Keshi said...

ty Mav!

Fights n arguments r necessary in a r'ship..or else it's all fake :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

lol Stygian I thought we divorced on the first day we met...rem in Tys' blog we had a major spat with each other on the first day we met hahahaha!

Keshi.

the stygian sailor said...

i am still trying to 'divorce' you but i cant :)

Keshi said...

Stygian u cant 'divorce' me cos ur married to my 'psyche'. lol!

Keshi.

the stygian sailor said...

yes i am married to your psyche cos i am a psycho

Keshi said...

lol lol lol and me too! @Stygian.

So we dun need a divorce...cos we dunno wut SANITY means right? :)

Keshi.

the stygian sailor said...

i am sane. you be as insane as you want :) lol

Keshi said...

ppl who usually claim they're Sane r not. lol!

Keshi.

deepsat said...

so true! now a days people are messed up becoz of bad upbringing or been thru bad childhood. and it continues on!!

Vinz aka Vinu said...

thoughtful post keshi…

if not well between two adults, there is no point in continuing in the relationship.. It deepens the wound..

But again there are many more factors invoved in such decisions. Since we are living in a society and surrounded with family and friends, we need to take care lots of other options also. I think I am thinking like a typical Indian. We need to compromise at many stages…maybe for the sake of kids, parents etc etc..

But again ultimately, there is a line for everything..
In the case you mentioned, maybe the two guys will be so separated that there staying together might break the kids more…
It’s a hard decision to be taken thoughtfully…!!

:)

anuj said...

hmm ..well tht depends a lot on the individuals .. there are people who would compromise and still stay with each other just for the sake of their children so that they don't grow up without either of the parents .. but then it also involves a lot of understanding in terms of not havin fights in front of the children n stuff like that .. which is like a really hard thing to do ..

and especially its quite place dependent too .. like in the asian countries divorce is a real big socail issue .. in the west/aus its obviously tough but people wouldnt care or judge if ur divorced .. its jus din work out ..

kind of same like .. in d west an unmarried mother is may be just fine, whereby the father is always there to support but is not the official husband of the mother .. in asia .. I guess it is something that would be extremely prohibited ..

so .. i donno ..
but it surely effects a lot of people related to us .. not just the kids ..

rantravereflect/ jane said...

if ya ask me keshi, there is no winner n there is no loser, cos when a child loses its childhood, there' nothing ne1 can win or accomplish... unfortunately, parents and adults are so blinded by their egos that they can't really see the havod they wreak..

and if ya ask me, in the long run, i think I 'd want to choose 'LIVING LIFE' over 'revenge n anger n ego n tears n hurt'..

but you readi t right there, i'd want to, but for all practicall purposes, it's still a big battle between 'REALLY LIVING LIFE' n living it the easier way, through' rvenge n anger n priden tears n hurt/...

as for spending your life with someone you can merely put up with, it is sheer foolishness, cos no1z gonna end up happy..

as for kids being involved, it's the saddest for them.. cos they end up mentally crippled/mentally stronger - it really is a debate!

love ya keshikins!:)

pray we put our children throught 'the good times'")

Sach! said...

'coz you're perfect!
(just like me ;))

restless_soul said...

keshi i m getting damn busy these days and will remain busy for a minimum of a month. Pls excuse me if I miss to visit u.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Lol!That was so cute :)

Keshi the li'l pugilist :P

Aneesh said...

***Good on ya! I take one more step..I tell em they suck. LOL!

Haha, Cool, but isn't it better to leave it there, that may start another fight?

***Revenge? never be vengeful Aneesh! It'll only HURT YOU

Some revenge never hurts keshi, Some'll give you sweet memories LOL. Yah, I've got lots of experience :)

d gypsy! said...

Hy KEshi...

well, m sure my parents had fights too and my sister and Jiju fight as well (they just had their first anniv :))

Now, you said it right that even best of couples have bad moments...Have a frnd who suffered for his parents didnt get along well but now are very happy...so, he looks back and sighs but loves the fact that now they are the best couple one can ever see!

I hope everything gets olrite for the folks you have mentioned...

and hey Keshi-cheer up!

Arv said...

Hi Keshi,

We cant get along well with everyone, its jus makes the ones close to us more special :)

My hearts go out to those lil ones... God be with them...

*I'd just do the BEST by my kids
I agree... after kids are born, it aint just abt the 2 adults anymore...

There is some baggage with all of us and it should never weigh us down da. atleast not for long :)

gunj said...

i think i wud choose peace n happiness over anything else!
even if dat wud mean small compromises here or thr!

Keshi said...

ty Deepz!

Its not always bad upbringing...it can also be the Individual. Cos I hv seen great parents and bad kids...as much as I hv seen bad parents and great kids.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

yes Vinu its a difficult decision...thats why its taking so long to settle.


**we need to take care lots of other options also. I think I am thinking like a typical Indian


hehehe...wud u be surprised if I told ya this couple is INDIAN. Not that it matters, but since u mentioned it I revealed it :)


tnxx Vinu!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

yes Anuj its different from culture to culture. I agree.


** the west/aus its obviously tough but people wouldnt care or judge if ur divorced


yes Anuj but its not that they dun CARE...its that ppl r more independent here when it comes to making sensible decisions. Fear of society is not something most ppl worry abt over here. But still, its a huge HEARTBREAK for ppl who get a divorce, irrespective of their origins. I know Aussies who went into depression after a Divorce.


And FYI this couple is INDIAN. :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

yeyyyyyyyy Jane is back! now I'll be out of my depression :) HUGS I missed ya!


**and if ya ask me, in the long run, i think I 'd want to choose 'LIVING LIFE' over 'revenge n anger n ego n tears n hurt'..


I agree...I dunno if its harder for ppl going thru a divorce to see that clearly.




**as for kids being involved, it's the saddest for them.. cos they end up mentally crippled/mentally stronger - it really is a debate!

well-said hun! they can go either way. ur so right there!


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Sach ty sweetie MWAH!

but my 'near-perfectness' sometimes annoys me lol!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Restless hey its ok! dun apologise hahaha!

Work always comes first. rem that :)

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hahaha Sameera @pugilist! that I am, even now! LOL!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Aneesh!

**but isn't it better to leave it there, that may start another fight?


**Some revenge never hurts keshi, Some'll give you sweet memories



2 contradicting statements by u Aneesh! LOL!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Sinner ty sweetie!

yes...w.o. fights humans cant be human :)

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Arv!

**There is some baggage with all of us and it should never weigh us down da

so true!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Gunj!



**i think i wud choose peace n happiness over anything else!

yes...only smart n sensible ppl like u wud do that.


HUGZ!


Keshi.

Shionge said...

Hiya Keshi, I am so overwhelmed and yes I feel for this little girl when she asked her Dad 'is it my fault papa?'. I have seen & witness broken families and ultimately children were the one suffered.

Yes I have my own ups & downs and a decade ago, I almost called it 'quit' myself and even till now, I am shocked at my behaviour as I know indirectly I have hurt my elder daughter (shan came later).

I was glad that we picked up the pieces, work on the relationship on a clean white sheet of paper and yes, compromise & communication plays a big part in a marriage.

I am sorry to hear about your friend going through a nasty divorce, I only wish that the wife would spare a thought for her children.

Hey, keep us posted ya and praying for a speedy recovery to your friend.

Big Hugs Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Shionge HUGGGGGGGZ!

And ty for sharing ur painful past with us..it takes alot of guts n courage to speak abt it in the open. Ur fantastic!


**I was glad that we picked up the pieces, work on the relationship on a clean white sheet of paper and yes, compromise & communication plays a big part in a marriage

Well done!

If more ppl were willing to take that step and make the compromise, alot of families wont be broken like this...sad ha.


*HUGZ* n all the best!

Keshi.

The Paratrooper said...

i wrote a long parent bashing comment (almost a post)... on this one as usual..whenever u mention divorce parents childhood and all...

and u never deleted my comments... however abusive/biased/whatever they were...


now what ??? I hope it got deleted/lost...not that u deleted it... cause u never did before...

The Paratrooper said...

...on Tuesday/Wednesday night i think

Keshi said...

Samby I never got a comment from u on this post! U know I dun delete/reject comments unless its personal abuse.

Mebbe ur comment got lost when u hit publish..it has happened to me in other blogs. :(


*HUGZ*


Keshi.