I saw this true story on Oprah about a woman who shot her partner to death after realising that he was having a sexual relationship with her 15yr old daugher (her only child from her first marriage) behind her back. Both the woman and the man were in their late thirties when this happened. The woman was convicted of murder, jailed for few years, but was later released. Basically he betrayed the trust they had in each other. Worse, the person he chose to do it with was her own teen daughter. It must have been traumatising for this woman to come to terms with the whole scenario. Trust is a very sacred element of any relationship. Once it's broken, it cannot be glued without showing the ugly cracks that will haunt you for life.
And now to another similar story. Last night when I went home after work, my mum updated me about a dear friend of our's...she and her husband are constantly bickering at each other, fighting etc. They have 2 young kids. Besides, it's been happening over their entire marriage, that's 10yrs. They recently built a beautiful mansion ($2.5 million worth) and moved in...but the constant fighting and calling the Police hasn't stopped. It's actually a shame...I don't know who's fault it really is, but all I can say is it takes two hands to clap...and there wont be smoke without a fire. They are both my good mates so I don't wanna take sides either. But what I can't understand is why my friend S (the woman) is putting herself through this? She has every right and freedom to end the marriage, so does he. But neither of them wants to do it. I don't get it. She told me it's also for financial reasons (he owns the house, cars etc)...and another day she told me that it's cos of her kids that she wont leave, cos she wants the kids to grow up in a house with both the parents and all the entitlements (the riches and the comforts). She's a Uni educated woman herself, working part-time and earning her own money.
But does she honestly think that her kids are growing up in a safe and sane enviornment? I don't think so! Watching mum and dad prowl on each other every other day is certainly not how a 3yr old and a 7yr old should grow up. Who am I to say it..you may ask. Well, I may not be married, I may not have my own kids yet but I do have something call 'intelligent' judgement. I do have something called 'sensible' decision-making skills. I do have something call 'dignity'. To me, my dignity/self-respect is far more important than living under the same roof with a daily war of clashing egoes that's lasted years. To me, my kids' mental stability would be far more important than having a violent and arrogant father next to them which is actually worse than having no father. I will never trade my dignity for a fancy house, a flash car, a broken home with sad kids just for the sake of having a family. Nothing can buy my grace - if it happens, it would be over my dead body. Fuck the money, houses and social stigma followed by a separation. I'm not a dancer for money...I'm not a dancer for others...I don't dance to your tune. I'm a dancer of my soul, for myself, for my music. I'd even go dwell in a hut and survive on social security if I had to, just to bring up my children in a real environment, to preserve my dignity, to LIVE. Let them eat bread, let them wear rags if they had to, let them have no pool parties, let them lose their riches...but please don't let my kids lose their Dignity! What my friend does to her kids is unforgiveable. One day those kids are gonna grow up into disturbed adults who's got no idea what self-respect is. They are gonna crawl and hide behind a protective shield each time they are 
faced with a challenge...they are gonna be bought easily...cos their own parents damaged their dignity long time ago.How much does your dignity/self-respect mean to you? Tell me, how much $$ is your dignity worth? Would you even kill for it? My dignity is priceless, and it's not for sale. And yes I would even kill (even myself) for my dignity, if I had to. And I'm not afraid to die or go to jail knowing I didn't sell myself.
Current Music: Private Dancer by Tina Turner
138 Cranium Signets:
OMG I AM in tears now :( How are you today miss keshi?
Dignity is important for me.. very important..
nut i am a kinnda practical guy..if u say that practical..
I don't mindloosing alittle to gain in places..coz in todays world u acquirre dignity with every moving up places..so its kinnda earning dignity to many , loosing to sum...
but loosing it all wud hurt and if for vain than it may link up to kills too...but then also m not a suicide guy..i wud rather slash the person whom i lost my dignity than slashing myself up...
kind of complicated ques u asked..and it all depends on the situation...
Hi Keshi
It’s been a sad day. (Read current post and the one posting in about one hour.)
As you know, I could’ve had tons of money, but I chose the life I wanted. I still make good money, but I did it my way. (Insert song here. LOL) You’re right on when it comes to one’s self-respect and dignity. If you lose them, you’ve lost the game of life.
You could not have chosen a better song or artist. Tina Turner knows what losing one’s dignity all is about. Tina managed to fight back and won—many women don’t win.
Great post!!
Bev
I know so many people who do this same thing. Even people with no kids! They stay in a relationship because of the money or because they're afraid to "be alone." That's all just so silly to me.
I got two words for you missy :)
Viva La revolution..
and..
All talk and no play makes Jack a dull boy..
--
well okay I know those are two sentences.. :P
Hi Keshi!
Let us not get too much vary with the happing-ons in other people's lives. If you try to find out, the world is full of weird people. And for all you know the reason (real)for an act could might as well be altogather different.
That apart: To respond to your last post. Boobs are an obsession with everyone, me included. Imagine what will happen if men didn't have facsination for them.
Take care girl. Kulz
keshigirl...
i agree with u on every word of this, dont ever sell ur dignity and self respect... this is wat we earn so hard!!!
will comment more later :)
I think even i m dyin every moment since yesterday night :)
Cheers!!!
dignity is good..but real world with different priorities can make things complicated. Problem no longer remains non-linear.
anyways, how have you been kesariya?
what a horrible story!!
Dignity/ Self Respect is very important to me. I believe everyone has choices, either to do the right thing or do the wrong thing and end up losing their self respect. For example: take the couple mentioned in the post.. either one should do the right thing and move out. The kids are not getting proper upbringing due to constant fights in the family. Sooner or later they are going to realise that their parents are not happy etc. Research has shown kids brought up in houses where there are constant fights etc. have a higher rate of being aggressive/ violent in their adult lives. All these problems can't be solved with having plenty of money.
My self respect is priceless and there is nothing anyone can give to me to sell it. If I dont have my self respect, no one else is going to respect me. Just my 2 cents on this.
I totally buy the trust part :)
As for dignity, some compromises can be made for dear ones. I.e. if they are worthy of it :).
dignity is very important....some time we do compromise...for loved ones...
cant talk more..as u know i m ad with all these talks..
So RIght!
Trust...dignity...relationship!!!!
everything yu said is so right!!!
I dance for myself too!
But I like to dance with you too!
Because in the music of this life
I wish I can dance along with you
Because I think I am worthy of your companionship :)
Now you got to decide! :))
Lov and Hugzz!
Im good Kayls and why r ya crying now?
Keshi.
u r TAGGED with my LOV
chk RbGb :D
heyya Sourish!
**I don't mindloosing alittle to gain in places
not me. I never do things that wud make me lose my dignity, not even an inch. Pride yes..I dun mind forgetting abt my pride to let others live.
**but then also m not a suicide guy..i wud rather slash the person whom i lost my dignity than slashing myself up...
how wud u know wut u wud do in a situation like that? :)
ok imagine this...a rapist is chasing me in the woods...I run n run n run until I meet a huge cliff and I dun hv nowhere else to go. Wut d u think I'd do? I dunno abt u but I'd jump.
Keshi.
aww Bev Im sorry to hear abt the fire. Its really sad!
**As you know, I could’ve had tons of money, but I chose the life I wanted. I still make good money, but I did it my way.
Spot on! Im the same. I hv 2 Uni degrees and I hv great potential to earn big bucks. Alot of ppl ask me why Im not changing jobs. I say to them 'I value the ppl I work with more than the money'.
**Tina Turner
My one true hero! She's an iron woman.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
hey Jay!
** They stay in a relationship because of the money or because they're afraid to "be alone."
So true! And thats not only silly, it's dumb, self-deceiving and ugly.
Keshi.
hey Jeya!
**Viva La revolution..
ty!
**All talk and no play makes Jack a dull boy..
how does this line fit into this post Jeya? :)
Keshi.
hey Kulz hows ya? :)
**Let us not get too much vary with the happing-ons in other people's lives.
Kulz Im not digging other ppl's lives. Besides these 2 r not just 'other ppl'. They r very close family friends. And I hv been watching them fall apart in a horrific way every now n then and watching the kids suffer too. Its been too long now. Its high time they realise that this aint what parenting and marriage is supposed to be.
She has been crying n ringing me most of the time. D u think I should not interfere? :)
**If you try to find out, the world is full of weird people. And for all you know the reason (real)for an act could might as well be altogather different.
ppl and acts maybe different..but the bottomline is violence is violence...a broken home is a broken home.
Keshi.
tnxx Ankur!
now come back to life hehe.
Keshi.
hey Jitterz I've been alright, tnxx n urself? :)
**dignity is good..but real world with different priorities can make things complicated. Problem no longer remains non-linear.
true, I agree. but wut d u think a couple with 10yrs of violent disputes and an unhealthy r'ship that badly affects their young kids should do?
Keshi.
Keshi.
It is, isnt it! @Andrew.
Keshi.
hey Akshay tnxx!
**Research has shown kids brought up in houses where there are constant fights etc. have a higher rate of being aggressive/ violent in their adult lives. All these problems can't be solved with having plenty of money.
Spot on!
How selfish it is for parents to trade their kids' Right to a healthy childhood for Money?
*My self respect is priceless and there is nothing anyone can give to me to sell it. If I dont have my self respect, no one else is going to respect me. Just my 2 cents on this.
Very well said Akshay, ty!
Keshi.
ty Samy!
**As for dignity, some compromises can be made for dear ones. I.e. if they are worthy of it :).
such as what?
Keshi.
ty Nirmal!
**dignity is very important....some time we do compromise...for loved ones
like wut?
Keshi.
ty Veenz *MWAH* :)
**Because in the music of this life
I wish I can dance along with you
Because I think I am worthy of your companionship
aww that is such a beautiful n clever thing to say!
yes in life we dance WITH many ppl...and those ppl should equally luv to dance WITH us too. Well-said!
ok will check teh tag soon, tnxx hun!
Keshi.
dancer for money
everybody sells himself in one way or another
holding onto a job for the money it pays
holding onto a spouse when the love is gone
true TQM..
however,
**holding onto a job for the money it pays
that isnt really selling one's dignity....unless ur job is wanking for money?
Keshi.
Lovely post Keshi...
respect and trust are the most important elements in any relationship for sure...
and dignity....no doubts is priceless!
hey Anjuli!
**respect and trust are the most important elements in any relationship for sure...
yes..and if there's real Love, these elements come naturally.
Keshi.
kids hate it when parents fight....
Vish its not only abt kids hating it but also abt giving them their right to a healthy childhood.
Keshi.
I saw many stories like that and asked myself why.
Sometimes people are just catched in their own 'drama' and often the reasons are way back in their own past (in a shadow which they often don't even know themselfes). It's hard to let go. Even as hard as not to judge...
ty Murane!
** often the reasons are way back in their own past
so true...some emotions in the past that never got attention.
Keshi.
http://tamilpunkster.blogspot.com/search/label/Feminisms?max-results=999
there is a post called why doesnt she just leave. Maybe that will throw some light?
I am sorry about your friend :(
well that sounded pretty strong words and my answer might sound diplomatic and manipulative but it all depends on the circumstances. I mean we all make choices and not always are our choices right.My Self respect is obviously pretty important but not the most important. there are many things that comes above it. its all about individuals.Cant always predict the life of plant seeing the seeds.Well few people might feel otherwise.
So my answer is I don't know.Good thing happens to good people.
ty LaVida!
I'll check that out soon.
Keshi.
ty Badshah!
**My Self respect is obviously pretty important but not the most important. there are many things that comes above it.
Not in this situation. I know that there r many more imo things in life than Dignity, but wut d u think abt this situation? Wuts the most imp thing here?
**So my answer is I don't know.Good thing happens to good people.
Really? I never knew that hehe. I dun believe in that either. Cos I hv seen far too many horrible things happen to good ppl.
Keshi.
Quite interesting! Yes, its important for me too to live with dignity. But as someone commented, instead of slitting ur own throat first, why not attack the offender? Of course, if all else fails, u can get back 2 ur own throat..
Vrij its cos sometimes u wudnt get that choice. :)
Keshi.
Hi,Keshi-you're so right-trust,in any relationship,is sacred. I, in fact, say the same to the product suppliers I deal with-that once I lose the trust I had on them,they can forget about dealing with me again.(Touchwood,so far,it hasn't happened).
----
Re.your bickering couple friends-whew-yes,for the kids,it must be an ordeal,indeed. But,I totally agree- dignity is far more important than materialistic things. Of course,this story is so true,at most places-namely,for the sake/fear of the following,estranged couples continue to stay together.
a)riches,home,cars.
b) kids
c)what will people say?
The above factors are put above dignity.
----
To me, dignity is important..to the extent that I'd break up a friendship for it's sake..but,would I kill?No,I don't think so,because I feel there's always a less drastic solution.:)
-----
You know,incidentally,I did feel a bit scared of you when you said'I'd kill for my dignity'...whew.Calm down.TC!
hey Amit :)
**dignity is far more important than materialistic things
yes to me too.
**a)riches,home,cars.
b) kids
c)what will people say?
yep thats what it is. S told me that thats why she's not ending her marriage. but Im scared for em both..cos they both can get violent sometimes.
**To me, dignity is important..to the extent that I'd break up a friendship for it's sake..
yes I hv ended friendships cos of my dignity. And I dun go behind ppl anymore.
**but,would I kill?No,I don't think so,because I feel there's always a less drastic solution
Well sometimes when major shit happens, we wont be able to think so constructively Amit :) I hope I wont kill but it CAN happen.
dun worry Im chilled. LOL!
Keshi.
Keshi..this topic has been discussed time and again on several blogs but I still think we just beat around the bush.
First of all, I think that we pass judgment when we decide for someone else what they should be doing. I don't think we like it when people tell us to leave our boyfriend because they are a jerk because we have emotions involved and "intelligent judgment" is clearly forgotten then.
Secondly, people have their own reasons. She might say its the kids or money or whatever, and the reality might be completely different. Who knows?
Ultimately it is their life and they have to live with it. If we advise them to split and they are more miserable after that, who is to be blamed? We are not even going to be there for them their entire life.
All these are tricky situations and best left to those who are going to live them, even if we feel bad for them.
BTW, check out my new story on Calm Frenzies. Put it up last night.
Self-respect is the most important thing ever..i mean u need to love yourself..ppl come n go but u r gonna live with yourself all ur life..n to love urself u need to respect urself too..
Especially in a relationship once u lose the respect for the other person everything goes for a toss. The fancy cars n mansions are all just frills to entertain the society at large. Jus to show off to the world that yes we are a nice, happly, loving family.
Like they say
To be able to say 'I love you' you need to say the I first.
I think we give up our self respect sometimes...if it is for a loved one and only very rarely it's sort of OK. But depends on the situation and the person. I dunno how to explain this, but what am trying to say is that if the person is every bit as important as you think he/she is, you wouldn't mind giving up your dignity for that one time. But obviously if it happens too often you know that you're with the wrong person!
Liked this post a lot babe. You being thoughtful:-)
Very true... This Austrian incident which I saw n last few days really made me go mad. These guys r B*****
Dignity is perhaps the only thing that you can call to be your own, I think. And yes, for it, I can kill too, even myself, just as you can.
Its sad when ppl dont realise what kinda of environ they are making their kids stay in, and they are the sole reasons for it all. Its only a good home that can make a child into a good individual, and make them be proud of the parents that they belong to.
I wish parents understood it better.
Keshi- How true!!.It doesnt take rocket science to see through logic in such things & yet people are unaware their actions have on children. Self-dignity is something I wouldnt trade for a million euros! Nice post!
its sad when kids pay for the mistakes of their parents.
ps. u amaze me with ur stamina for words
Hello Keshi girl, howdy?
Trust is everything in a marriage indeed, without it every day would be a torture!
Kids are better off without a bickering parents at home. Feel sorry for so many kids who have to live with that hell everyday. Money does not buy anybody happiness.
Ok---advice for your friend first--he doesnt own everything---it can be in his hame but if they are married or in a long term relationship, she is entitled to a major share should they separate or divorce--if she keeps the children her share is probably about 70%.
No one should dance to another persons tune but there is a sad truth that some relationships survive on the battles that they fight---but as you say, how hard is it on the children---they grow up seeing this as normal and end up taking sides----very sad for the kids---but as far as the adults---leave them to their battles
Seriously Keshi! It's scary how many children look upon parental-fights like a normal day's occurrence. Imagine what they'll grow up into?
You'd think with education will come some semblance of dignity. But nope, that's never the case. Then what can make one behave with more dignity? Upbringing? Or the perception of the person himself?
For me dignity is everything. Though sometimes I wish I wasn't so poised.. I'd love to get down and dirty in a catfight sometime. Lol! But it's totally again my nature. I simply withdraw into silence.
As for the story on Oprah... If it were me, I'd have un-man'd him first. Death is too easy, no?
Ok---second part.
Every relationship exists on trust.
You cant live in each others pockets and neither you should---you should have your 'you' time..
You should have respect for yourself, respect for partner and respect for your relationship.
Betrayal of trust is the worst thing you can do in a relationship--
I lost nearly everything in a marriage break up but I did not lose my dignity.
I now have more than I have ever had before but I dont have a marriage.
I am quite happy to risk it all again for love.
Without love, you have nothing
Parents should know children are reflectors of them. As a parent what they teach children as a model is important than saving money or richness for there future; and being enough stronger to bear their children as they could carry there own carrier without disturbance. what children experience at home stamps in there mind.
"Trust is a very sacred element of any relationship. Once it's broken, it cannot be glued without showing the ugly cracks that will haunt you for life."
This is the absolute truth.
First of all is Australian Law really that outdated. She would get one half of all the assets and if she thinks that those kids are not going to be affected by all of the strife she is sadly mistaken.
A toxic environment like that will seriously damage those developing minds.
Dignity is piceless and I see it displayed by more people without money than with. Conspicuous consumption and the acquisition of highly visible wealth is a dead end.
It's all just stuff...in the end, meaningless.
I TOTALLY second you on this. the couple you mentioned, do they love each other? do they fight and make the children knw of their problems?
Dignity! now thats priceless. Often not valued but i think thats what really marks someone.
its not how much money one makes but how self-respecting they are that makes em hold their heads high!
It definitely is worth more than my life. And i would guard mine with all the life in me.
If need arises i'd prefer to die than sell it.
totally agree with you! :)
hey keshi..how r u...well to b honest..all marriages ve constant bickering to go thru..i ve seen my folks go thru the same...fights every other night...n what not...but they ve evolved over time...sometimes its the situation that neither of the partner can help..things get ok on their own...my folks continue to b together for 26 yrs n counting...trust me they still fight till date...
anyways im sweating it out literally out here...too hot n humid..n i miss blogging
This is a tough one since I'm in a similar, but slightly different situation. As it stands now my relationship with my wife is better than it was but its still only at best as friendly roommate. From 2004 to 2007 for some reason I still haven't learned the marriage went very quickly into the trash with me wondering what the devil happened. She did her best to push me out the house with the camel's back finally breaking in 2006. Once I said I was leaving she quickly flipped and started saying she wanted me to stay. Mind you that during her "crazy" time I was always and still am fully employed. never took drugs, hit her or the kids, never cheated, and did my best to be a husband to her. About a year ago it started getting better but the relationship leaves much to be desired. Why do I stay even now? My wife is an attorney and I have no doubts that if we did divorce right now she would take me to the cleaners where I wouldn't be able to see my kids.
i did say that even if you wud know whats going on in their lives inside out ... it wudnt be possible for you to think whats the right thing to do ... there are a lot of factors involved ... type of personality of your friend, degree of emotions ... i mean what you think would be the best .... same thing wouldnt go well with the type of person your friend is .... and possibly the reasons that she is stating to you might not be the true reasons ... just made up reasons for she might not be willing to let go still ...
anyways ... I am sure that you wrote this only because you care for her and must be getting hurt seeing her despair ....
hope that all gets well with her soon and the trouble in her paradise gradually diminishes ....
Dignity is important, but I've seen survival trump dignity many times.
I hope for the best for those kids.
I wouldn't kill for dignity (I'd rather run.)
I wouldn't sell it either - no, not for money.
But perhaps for love , I will; perhaps for love that may never show up again, I'll stay in an unhappy relationship in hope that it will, some day.
Breaking off even the most loveless of marriages can be tough, especially with kids involved, and I am not talking about money at all.
It fits, coz. Well I'm young. I'm full of new ideas. I'm liberal. And I am gung-hole about women-liberation.
But you never know how, I'll end up in 20 years time. That is because, it sometimes depends on the factors that effect my mental assertion of what can be what. I may change. I may not change. But until unless I get into the larger-audience arena of life and marriage. All I can do it talk right?
I know this must sound rude. In ways, but I did not intend to hurt you or criticize you in anyway.
I'm just saying. :)
Lots of love. The boobs are still haunting me.
Oh, and if you didn't already know. You once knew me as ny? :)
Sol I totally agree on everything u said!
Thats what my mum told me too..not to give too much advice based on MY opinion abt the situation. Cos if she breaks up and then her life becomes worse, she mite blame me for it.
But hey, she's the one who asks me wut to do. I told her that if I was in her situation, thats what I'd do..leave him - get a divorce. But I also told her that it's totally upto her to do what she wants to do, and not to blindly follow my advice.
Also I told her to get Counselling for both. Which she did..but he refused to go. He's a bit of a hard nut to crack. Has a mighty ego too.
tnxx!
Keshi.
yes Sol I checked it last nite and commented too. GREAT post babe!
It can also relate to this story. What if this violence ends up in a death in the house?
Keshi.
Elusive u write some very ineteresting comments. I love wut u wrote babez!
**..i mean u need to love yourself..ppl come n go but u r gonna live with yourself all ur life..n to love urself u need to respect urself too..
Spot on!
Alot of ppl think loving one's self is being selfish. Hell nah, u've first got to LOVE YOURSELF in order to love someone else. Cos like u said, YOU're the only who'd live with YOU thru YOUR entire life.
And yes, I LOVE U, starts with an 'I'. Well-said hun!
*HUGZ* n ty!
Keshi.
ty Crasiezt!
**but what am trying to say is that if the person is every bit as important as you think he/she is, you wouldn't mind giving up your dignity for that one time
I know wut u mean hun. But I'd only do that kinda thing on behalf of my MOTHER.
I dun love anyone else as much as I love her. And I know that she's the only being on Earth who loves me unconditionally. So if anything were to happen to her that depended on losing my dignity, yes I'd gladly sacrifice it FOR HER.
Keshi.
hey Chap u mean the Austrian father who locked up her daughter for 20+ years and made her hv 5 of his children?
He's a massive wanker..one who should be locked up for life!
Keshi.
ty Cindy, MWAH!
**Its only a good home that can make a child into a good individual, and make them be proud of the parents that they belong to.
definitely! The mistakes that parents make infront of kids, affect those kids for life.
Keshi.
because of yoyr post too sad :( and now i am lots of pain. I seem to get worse and worse each day :(
I long for the day that i am healthy again :) I am not posting on my blog for a while but will comment here still :) I am having back surgery on monday :(
ty Sid!
yes, its not something so hard to decipher. I dun u'stand how someone cud stay in an abusive r'ship for more than 10yrs, unless they r in a coma or something *rolling eyes*
Keshi.
hey Raghav tnxx!
**its sad when kids pay for the mistakes of their parents.
yes...no parent is perfect but we can be close to perfect for our kids' sake.
**ps. u amaze me with ur stamina for words
really? :) tnxx!
Keshi.
omg omg look who's bak!! Asha hun HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ n WB!
I missed ya so much. Just few days bak I was wondering if u'll be bak soon..cos u said u'll be bak in May. WOOHOO it's May indeedz! :)
This space missed ur great wisdom Asha.
**Feel sorry for so many kids who have to live with that hell everyday. Money does not buy anybody happiness.
Spot on! My friends live in this multi million dollar house, have 3 flash cars, hold big job titles...but the house is not a HOME.
Keshi.
heyya Clyde tnxx mate!
**she is entitled to a major share should they separate or divorce--if she keeps the children her share is probably about 70%.
She knows that. He has brought home the divorce papers. She's not signing it!! I dun get it??
Keshi.
heyy Maca :)
**It's scary how many children look upon parental-fights like a normal day's occurrence.
yes its so very sad! My mum and dad loved each other alot...but I still vaguley rem that sometimes they had major fights...yelling at each other, my mum crying, my dad scaring her etc etc. I used to be abt 5yrs old? I used to hug my mum and cry.
My dad wasnt an abusive man...but they did have their fights too. Not this bad tho.
**You'd think with education will come some semblance of dignity. But nope, that's never the case. Then what can make one behave with more dignity? Upbringing? Or the perception of the person himself?
Ur so right! Sense and Education are 2 different things. And I think Sense n knowledge of life come from life experiences and learning from em. Not from school or Uni.
**For me dignity is everything. Though sometimes I wish I wasn't so poised.. I'd love to get down and dirty in a catfight sometime.
haha Maca me too!
**But it's totally again my nature. I simply withdraw into silence.
me too. I can get quite silent when Im angry and on the verge of losing my person.
**As for the story on Oprah... If it were me, I'd have un-man'd him first. Death is too easy, no?
LOL yes me too. We r 2 massive psychotic Lorena Bobbits babe hahahaha!
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
hey Clyde :)
**You should have respect for yourself, respect for partner and respect for your relationship.
Betrayal of trust is the worst thing you can do in a relationship
So true! once u lose RESPECT in any r'ship, u lose the novelty of it.
**I lost nearly everything in a marriage break up but I did not lose my dignity.
Thats great to know Clyde. *HUGZ*
Love is imp yes...but marriage isnt. Rem that mate :)
Keshi.
ty Jeevan!
**Parents should know children are reflectors of them.
definitely! We carry alot of our parents' traits no matter what.
And yes, wut happens in a home gets etched in a young kid's mind pretty quickly and for a very long time.
Keshi.
ty Bla!
And how r we today? :)
Keshi.
heyya Donn tnxx mate!
**She would get one half of all the assets and if she thinks that those kids are not going to be affected by all of the strife she is sadly mistaken.
yes its the same in Aussie law. But the strangest thing is, even tho he's brought home the Divorce papers, she's not signing em! D u hv any idea why that may be??
**A toxic environment like that will seriously damage those developing minds.
yes and thats what I'm saying too. some parents take their kids for granted and wreck their childhood. So sad!
**Dignity is piceless and I see it displayed by more people without money than with.
So true! Cos the not-so-rich know the true essence of a hard life.
**Conspicuous consumption and the acquisition of highly visible wealth is a dead end.
Spot on!
**It's all just stuff...in the end, meaningless.
yes..in the end, what matters is if u've lived a 'meaningful' life, not if u've lived a 'wealthy' life with no sense.
Keshi.
ty BW!
**the couple you mentioned, do they love each other?
well, Im not in a place to say that. Cos it's them who should ans that qn. But I did ask her that, and she says nah..she hates him.
**do they fight and make the children knw of their problems?
yes all the time! Their 7yr old daughetr is a wreck already. Whenever I ring their place, and if she answers the fone, she starts telling me everything that happened between her parents! To me, thats really sad.
Keshi.
ty BC!
**Often not valued but i think thats what really marks someone.
So true! Cos not everyone keeps it.
**its not how much money one makes but how self-respecting they are that makes em hold their heads high!
Spot on girl!
**It definitely is worth more than my life. And i would guard mine with all the life in me.
If need arises i'd prefer to die than sell it.
Amen! Im so glad u agree with me. Cos to me death is far more dignified than living without self-respect.
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
hi Mav hows it going? The heat is getting to ya ha? :)
**all marriages ve constant bickering to go thru
o I know that Mav :) even my parents had major arguments and fights when were little. But it wasnt the ONLY thing abt their marriage. They had alot of love and happy moments for the major part of their life together.
When a couple fights 95% of their time together, thru their entire marriage, to a level where they hv to ring the Police each time cos of domestic violence, Mav d u think thats what marraige is?
Keshi.
ty BB for coming over and sharing ur story with us here. *HUGZ*
** never took drugs, hit her or the kids, never cheated, and did my best to be a husband to her.
ur a great husband and a father. I always told u that. From ur blog posts I can tell that u really love ur kids and that ur scarificing ur own happiness for their happiness. Its a very GREAT thing to do mate! Not many r generous, selfless and thoughtful like u.
**Why do I stay even now? My wife is an attorney and I have no doubts that if we did divorce right now she would take me to the cleaners where I wouldn't be able to see my kids.
Well bang on! Thats what I suspect S's reasons for staying too. Cos he brought the Divorce papers too..but she aint signing em. Cos I think they r both fighting for their kids and neither of em wanna lose em. Its so sad!
Keshi.
ty Hiren!
**it wudnt be possible for you to think whats the right thing to do ... there are a lot of factors involved ... type of personality of your friend, degree of emotions
I totally agree. Im not in her shoes, neither do I hv the same personality and thinking patterns like she does, so it wont be RIGHT for me to judge her or ask her to get a divorce.
But she asks me what she should be doing. And this is my opinion but I aint forcing her to do it either :)
I just feel that she cant even recognise what Dignity is anymore. Thats all.
Keshi.
ty Gruntz!
**Dignity is important, but I've seen survival trump dignity many times.
I totally agree! And thats ok.
But with S, she isnt trading her Dignity for Survival but to avoid Sciety mocking her.
Keshi.
*Society
ty Toothey!
**I wouldn't kill for dignity (I'd rather run.)
wut if u hit a dead end, such as a cliff?
**I wouldn't sell it either - no, not for money.
Glad to know that.
**But perhaps for love , I will; perhaps for love that may never show up again, I'll stay in an unhappy relationship in hope that it will, some day.
I will NEVER stay in an unhappy r'ship. But yes, for Love I'd do anything. And an unhappy r'ship doesnt have Love in it Toothey.
**Breaking off even the most loveless of marriages can be tough, especially with kids involved, and I am not talking about money at all.
I u'stand that but when u say ur not talking abt Money, then what r u talking abt? I'd like to know. :)
Keshi.
ty Jeya!
Nah ur not rude..u've got a valid point there :)
**But you never know how, I'll end up in 20 years time. That is because, it sometimes depends on the factors that effect my mental assertion of what can be what. I may change. I may not change. But until unless I get into the larger-audience arena of life and marriage. All I can do it talk right?
yes I know. BUT, I hv been in an unhappy r'ship for years...in the end I broke it off myself. Cos one day I woke up and realised that my Dignity was sitting in a corner crying, beaten blak n blu...and it was gonna die soon. I had to save her. And I did.
So yeah, I dunno abt u, but I aint just Talk only. I walk the talk too :)
Keshi.
and Jeya..
NY stood for what?
Keshi.
Good to know Keshi. I only hope and pray that I have this -clear understanding when the times are trying and testing.
lol. Thats okay Keshi, if you dont remember. Its a new day. It stood for Nanyaar? though.
Kaylz hey STOP, REVIVE, SURVIVE!
;-)
HUGZ TC hun!
Keshi.
hey Jeya :)
** I only hope and pray that I have this -clear understanding when the times are trying and testing.
I know, our head can get totally screwed up when shit happens. So was mine when I was in that r'ship. But I came out of it somehow. Thats what matters to me.
Keshi.
I can understand what your friend is saying about hanging on for the children (I don't understand the money part though). I did the same thing for 5 years then finally gave in and left in order to save myself. In hindsight I have come to realize that staying in that environment is not good for children. It hurts them and gives them long lasting scars ... and it could be much worse.
I get along with the children much better now than I ever did while living with them and their mother because I was too busy being terrified of the next thing she would try.
Your friend should not put up with the crap ... but neither should he. They would both be better off without the other.
hey Jeya!
**Thats okay Keshi, if you dont remember. Its a new day. It stood for Nanyaar?
ofcourse I know Nanyaar aww! but I never called u NY. Thats why I didnt know who u were when u said I called u NY. :) Mebbe someone else called u by that nic?
hows u btw?
Keshi.
George ty so very much for sharing ur story with us. *HUGZ*
**I get along with the children much better now than I ever did while living with them and their mother because I was too busy being terrified of the next thing she would try.
see, thats what I mean. Some ppl r better off without each other, than with each other. And the kids r happy too. Isnt that what really matters in the end.
**Your friend should not put up with the crap ... but neither should he. They would both be better off without the other.
So true! The husband brought home Divorce papers but she aint signing em. I think she's in fear of losing her kids and the 'HOME' kinda feeling?
Keshi.
Good and bored. Can't you see how I'm replying in real time? ;-)
How have you been?
btw, to add to what I said earlier. Like Barrack says. "YES WE CAN", "YES I CAN".
:)
haha Jeya bored as hell yes!
**Like Barrack says. "YES WE CAN", "YES I CAN".
:)
Keshi.
Hey maybe you should write a post in honor of the bored bachelors, and how they can better use their time. :P
Oh some tips, on flirting, and other methodologies would greatly be appreciated.
=)
** such as what?
well, if its for my mum, dad or someone such
hmm, ur probably talking of dignity at another level :)
haha Jeya nah I cant make good suggestions for Bachelors. Cos I aint a man LOL!
Keshi.
Samy ur ans was heart-warming. Thats who I'd sacrifice my Dignity for as well.
My mum. I'd do ANYTHING for her. I'd even die for mum if I had to.
Keshi.
one's dignity is as priceless as his/her life. once gone, it will never get restored. i think that's why we strive to preserve our dignity.
ammu.
Keshi, I agree with you 100%.
Now, how much will you charge to belly-dance at my birthday party next week...
I've seen tht episode of Oprah Keshi..its just so sad na...n i think in the same episode they show a mom who broke up with her hubby coz he used to molest her son and then after a few yrs...she got back wit her husband...Her son was obvsly let-down & dissapointed!
Walking away from a rel'p is not all tht easy keshi. I see ur point n even agree wit it...but i don't expect in those shoes to u'stand easily.
Many time we are intend to do good for a person but at the end it may not alwez be for the bet..similarly wit those parents for their kids.
My dignity matters to me..it really does...but somethings/rel'ps take everything out of a person..before we can be reborn...n the world shld u'stand that, not judge us and give us the chance for our rebirth!
how wud u know wut u wud do in a situation like that? :)
ok imagine this...a rapist is chasing me in the woods...I run n run n run until I meet a huge cliff and I dun hv nowhere else to go. Wut d u think I'd do? I dunno abt u but I'd jump.
Keshi.
Sissyy..a female coming to rape me ...:O.. i m not gonnaa jump :P ;) may be jump on her :P
jokes apart...
Sis...if u jump off the cliff...u die and that bastard lives..and will rape other girls..or make them jump too..so y don't u put up a fight and die in dignity...there are several ways one can hurt bare-handed ...
next comment i m giving u the ways ...learn the trick.. m good at unarmed combat :)..so read the nex comment and save it..but not for public view
wen u r in office u got an unnecessary scolding which hurts ur dignity..will u leace the job for that..if u do then u r not suitable for job coz in job boss is always right....
************************************
Hi Keshi,
I agree. It hurts when things go wrong with the people you love and care about. But the point is one can't do much about it, except, lending your shoulder to cry on. Right you are: Kids are the worst hit.
But as I was trying to bring out at my last post too - expectations is the problem area. We all expect too much - from a relationship, from a husband / wife, from our jobs, our friends... The day we start accepting others the way they are, things would be easy. But the trouble is it is so damn easy to preach, but very hard to implement.
But on the whole, I agree with you. To share a very personal story which my mother told me just yesterday. She had been to our ancestral village in the state of Haryana (about 50 Kms from Delhi) to sort out the differences between my cousin sister and her husband. It was horrifying for me to learn that the husband has been routinely ill-treating her for the past several years. There seemed to be no reason. She told my mother clearly that she can’t live with him. This after eighteen years of marriage and two lovely school going kids. It came to light that the husband was physically abusing her. My mother was horrified. She spoke top the man. Threatened him with police action… Ironically enough he himself is a policeman. Later during the course of conversation it was realized that both his job and the adamancy of my cousin were at fault. Some sort of peace has retuned since then. Let us hope it remains that way. But the point I am making here is that one should not expect too much from the other person. Don't own the other person. Give him space and things work out better.
I don't think I have ever logged such a long comment, but I guess it was necessary. After all, is it easy to find such brilliantly sensitive person like Keshi in today’s' world. The answer is no, it is not easy.
Take care.
Hey chica..
Interesting post here...
umm...honestly i can kinda feel what you are feeling but i've learned that i can not judge any one...for the most part... on their character....(but i can judge the bastard in austria who locked his daugther up...)
if i haven't walked in their shoes and felt the pain of wearing shoes that don't fit quite right to the point that they give me corns and bunions..and still have to walk in them because they are my shoes whether i bought them or not...then i can't and won't judge...
it may seem like a common scenario that and husband and wife argue but stay together for money or whatever reason but it is their scenario...
it is a real scenario...
i'm not condoning it and i'm not condemning it but i will do my best to learn from the little that i see from their situation and from my own and try not to follow the same line...
i know what i want in my life...and i will do my best to allow what i want in my life....
it is a sad situation but i i'm not gonna judge unless a child's life is at stake like that bastard in austria...
anyhow..that's my take on things...
:)
really well expressed...its nice to know u think this way...
i wish more people did :(
///I'm a dancer of my soul, for myself, for my music.///
loved this line...
hugzz
ty Ammu!
**. once gone, it will never get restored.
thats so true! It's like once poison falls into milk, it becomes useless.
Keshi.
ty Fingers!
**Now, how much will you charge to belly-dance at my birthday party next week...
How abt butt-dance? LOL!
Keshi.
oyess that was the one Pavi! Im glad u watched it too :)
I know sweetz that I cant really do much for my friend. It's she who has to make a decision in the end. But when she comes asking for advice, I can only tell her what I'd do in a situation like that. I cant speak for her but for myself.
**but somethings/rel'ps take everything out of a person..before we can be reborn...n the world shld u'stand that, not judge us and give us the chance for our rebirth!
I totally agree!
Keshi.
hey sweet Bro!
**..a female coming to rape me ...:O.. i m not gonnaa jump :P ;) may be jump on her
LOL!
but wut if she's a very old dirty sex worker? haaaaaaaaaha!
**so y don't u put up a fight and die in dignity...there are several ways one can hurt bare-handed ...
ofcourse I'd fight to the end. Wut I meant was if it ever comes to a point where he was gonna win the fight, I'd jump. :)
**wen u r in office u got an unnecessary scolding which hurts ur dignity
Hurting ur dignity isnt the same as losing it.
:)
Keshi.
aww ty Kulz for comin over and answering my qn :) *HUGZ*
Im sorry to hear abt ur cuz. Thats awful!
But Im also glad that ur mum helped em and they r ok now..atleast for now.
** But the point I am making here is that one should not expect too much from the other person. Don't own the other person. Give him space and things work out better.
yes I know. Like u said, it's so much more easier said than done. :)
tnxx mate!
Keshi.
ty Lisa!
Well Im not afraid to judge in this case. Cos there r children and their safety involved in this case!
**i'm not condoning it and i'm not condemning it but i will do my best to learn from the little that i see from their situation and from my own and try not to follow the same line...
Im glad :)
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
ty Pri HUGZ!
Keshi.
totally agree wth u babes! i wudnt trade my dignity for anything. but yeah ppl think differently on this issue so i wil not comment on wht others want but if u ask me yes i wud kill myself for sure rather than losing my self esteem and dignity.
ty Ria!
I know..everyone thinks differently and I respect that.
But Im glad u and I think alike :)
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
//Trust is a very sacred element of any relationship//
for trust we live, in trust we believe(d) and for trust we kill. I have lost trust and truth in many occasions, I cant forgive many for that. But I continue to give my life for them. All the future will tell is a history of violence, not sacrifice.
Of dignity and money, there was a time I would have said money matters more than anything. yes it does, trying telling it doesnt matter for a middle class person, they would sell their kidneys for that. its not a matter of dignity, but like you said, the social stigma is enough to drive people to rob a bank to paint a happy life.
Have heard of many couples who choose to live for their children and not for each other. But children are overrated now, they live not for their parents, they live for their society. the ipod generation, like it or not, they are spoiled they are destroyed. how much we try to protect them, when we let them out they will have to adapt to the surroundings...and do you want them to feel out of sync? we cant be protecting them forever. So here we have the two edges of the sword, both falls into no hope. The only hope is for the world to be cleansed whole, and that wont happen either.
but the good thing about it, we have people who thinks like us, and thats enough to keep some sanity in this world. yes we can raise children who have a pinch of our principles, just pray to God that that prevails in the end.
a good important post :)
hey Ghosty :)
yes Money isnt everything but I can also u'stand why some ppl are afraid to leave their 'comfort' zones no matter how difficult it may be to live in.
Keshi.
Dignity is important to everyone...I guess the problem is that some people don't even KNOW what it is. You know? They are SO much under other people's control that they don't know any different. I so wish things weren't this way :( And at times, people just want to go that "one last extra mile, maybe this will help and solve everything", and before they know these extra miles have added up and they are far far away from their dignity :( Its almost as if they did not even realize how they have changed :( Such a sad state of affairs :(
heyya Aneri looking beautiful hun!
** people just want to go that "one last extra mile, maybe this will help and solve everything", and before they know these extra miles have added up and they are far far away from their dignity
Spot on! Very well-said.
Keshi.
** My mum. I'd do ANYTHING for her. I'd even die for mum if I had to.
I'm sure we'd all want to ... contingent on that it for good :). Sometime even those closest to you can do the unthinkable :(. I tears you apart u know.
Funny part is we all keep preaching about right and wrong. Ironically it is only a point of view. No absolutely.
But yeah, I would give up my dignity for those dearest to me if its for the right cause :D. Fortunately we'd mostly concur with out parents unless the world has taught us (a perception again) more than it taught them.
One's dignity is priceless and no matter what,it should never be compromised.
Great post!
It's sadenning to hear that but u neva know what commitments those guys much be havin. The finer details..better we don't take a stand w/o knowin the reality.
It's a tricky one - the mother of children who is married to a rich man. She shouldn't think her childrens happiness depends on their unstable materialistic home and unstable parents marriage for that matter. But at the same time i bet she'd rather raise children in luxury.
I'd rather have one decent parent than two unhappy ones togther.
About dignity - it hurts like hell when you feel it's being compromised. It special and personal and shoul dbe the backbone that supports all people everywhere. Money can't support you the way your own dignity can.
the trick i told ya :P
u ain't gonna loose :)
true Samy, well-said!
Keshi.
well-said Sameera!
Keshi.
I agree Mez.
My mum told me not to get involved too much in it..cos u never know how it'll all end and who'll get the blame in the end.
Keshi.
I agree Niyara, great comment there!
Keshi.
lol Bro I got that comment. I loved it. And ty so much!
I hope I'll be able to do that tho..cos Im bad at hitting ppl :( Cos I feel sorry for em. LOL!
Keshi.
trust is the base of any relationsip... true...
I would not want a partner for money...i would not want a non-earning-loving-me-types-crazy-pschyo...but then he shud be able to meet my standard of living...
Giving any no. of crisp grrens cant make me sell myself to him...any given day...
adjusting a-little-bit is a part n parcel of any relationship... nothing is perfect but then i should know how much to bend, just short of breaking....
so true RushMe!
**but then he shud be able to meet my standard of living...
totally agree.
Keshi.
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