Thursday, April 3

Stairway To Heaven

I sometimes wish some people were here right now....my dearest dad who died at just 44yrs of age - wonder what he'd do if he sees me now. Dan my darling friend who committed suicide when he was only 24 - I can still hear his laughter. My maternal grandma who had the biggest heart ever, who died at 83yrs of age - I'm sure she's always giving to others even in Heaven. My 5th grade class teacher Ms.Eva who died at 35yrs of age - her true beauty was something I couldn't get over. Janice my blogger friend who died during childbirth at the age of 25yrs - I wonder if there's a Blogville in Heaven. My last pet dog Judy who died at the age of 6yrs - she used to genuinely 'smile'. My fav aunty V who died at age 60 - I don't know if I'll see such a pretty and talented classical dancer ever again. My childhood friend D who died at the age of 13 - she looked so peaceful in that long white dress. My cousin's baby who died at just 5months pre-birth - I wish I knew him. A total stranger, Banaz Mahmod Babakir Agha who was murdered at the age of 20 by her own father - I wish people paid attention to her fears.

Are you thinking why I'm smiling in this pic? Cos if I show you my tears, there would be a picture of the Nile river here instead. Behind that face there's a sea of teardrops that don't stop falling. If wishes were a bridge, I'd be able to cross it and meet all these people. If wishes were a stairway, I'd be in Heaven right now saying Hi to all these angels. There's an empty chair, unkissed cheeks, an unused plate, a lonely backyard, an undialled phone number, a silent photograph, a piercing memory, an unworn shirt, an unused cradle, long-lost laughter...and my unseen tears. Who do you wish were here today?


Current Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

185 Cranium Signets:

Sweetstickychewy said...

I wish my grandma was here today. I miss her so much. But i know she is in a better place.

***There's an empty chair, unkissed cheeks, an unused plate, a lonely backyard, an undialled phone number, a silent photograph, a piercing memory, an unworn shirt, an unsed cradle, long-lost laughter...and my unseen tears

I LOVE this part!:D beautifully expressed!

There are times when our eyes can speak a thousand words without a word from our mouth. Yet there are times we are not permitted to cry it out loud cause not everyone will bear with the tears from our eyes. don't u think thats true?

I wonder what evoked this post.

Have a good day there sweets. *HUGGIZ*

PREETI said...

ok, 2nd in line to comment...not bad for a keshi post :)

newayz, i wish my grandad was here...he'z the first closest family iv ever had to lose...and i was super close to him...i miss him wayyyy too much and does my grandmom, who keeps taking out and folding his clothes to this day 6 years later...

n i lost the one man i loved truly to death...it was after we broke up, but it did happen...i juz hope hez somewhere good...he was a nice guy...

death makes me sad and angry...whthr it's a 2 yr old or an 80 yr old...i wudnt mind dyin but i guess i juz cant stand to see someone else lose someone important...

Jay said...

I would have to go with my great-grandfather and great-grandmother. And my Uncle James.

I feel kind of guilty that my dad isn't at the top of that list, or really even near it now that I think of other people, but, well that's just the way it is I guess.

La vida Loca said...

my best bud A...he died of surgical complications at age 27 leaving behind a wife and 2 kids....I see him sooo much, his smile, his gynaan. :(

Prats said...

They say eyes are the mirrors to one's soul..
Hugs to you...wonder if anything I do, would compensate for the tears...but know that we're around.

If I were to have someone back...then my list would reach the last step on the stairway...i've lost quite a few. Esp my 100 year old grandfather who died a few months ago, and then another grandad a few days later.
Many more...but I know they are watching me from wherever they are.

maverick said...

even i wish certain ppl were here...but then..life is like tht...but im sure from sumwhere up there they are watching u n smiling that u r doing so awesomely well...they wudnt wanna see u with the river nile in ur eyes :)...

so cheer up..n hear this out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oqdX0ZaVZk

love the song...

vEENs said...

Ohh..Keshi...such a heart felt post.

I wish I could meet my maternal grandma once.. and get to knw her.. and maternal granpa once.. and tell him..that I miss him too.. and to both of them that mom...misses them like crazy and feels very alone...!

to tell them to always look after her frm the heavens above...and help me watch my toungue...when i m angry...

i went to Janice's blog....hw did yu find out abt her death?! i m sorry i m jus curious.. i felt.. a strange feeling...what if i die...will anyone knw...or fell any feelings for me tooo.

God alone knws :)

dnt cry Keshi..for every person u have lost...u will meet one other person...you wont want to lose....

for the very few moments we have.. lets make the most of it...and be happy and smile..

smile Keshi!

thoughts said...

Hi Keshi

Beautifully Expressed.

I wish my brother was here with me , he died at the age of 25 bcoz of cancer :(

I miss him so much.

Tears are also a way of expressing your love to your dear loved ones.

Solitaire said...

To talk about the death of a loved one is a very traumatic thing for me to do because I have witnessed death not only at close quarters but also in ways that one should never be exposed to. Cinderella also has a similar post. I wish not to comment anymore on this. I am sure I will get nightmares tonight since I suffer from PTSD.

Keshi said...

Amy ur grandma must hv been a very beautiful woman...cos ur carrying on her legacy.


**There are times when our eyes can speak a thousand words without a word from our mouth

so true...



**Yet there are times we are not permitted to cry it out loud cause not everyone will bear with the tears from our eyes

thats right Amy..thats why I choose to smile even if it hurts deep inside..cos I dun want others to mock my tears. only I know the true value and the memories behind those tears.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

and Amy u asked me this:

**I wonder what evoked this post.

well I guess I saw someone who looked like my dad..just this morning as I was crossing the road on my way to work...it froze me right there.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

heyy Preeti :)

**does my grandmom, who keeps taking out and folding his clothes to this day 6 years later

awww I wanna HUG ur grandma right now...I really do. She must miss him alot...



** lost the one man i loved truly to death...it was after we broke up

ur kidding me Preeti? *HUGZ* that must be so hard on ya!

When u said that, it reminded me of a guy who was crazy abt me...he rode a motorbike and used to follow me ard with cute pressies..he truly wanted to ask me out. I was too young and was too scared...I didnt give him a word.

Later on I saw his pic in the newspapers under some accident article..he died from a motorbike crash. I was in shock for days.


**...i wudnt mind dyin but i guess i juz cant stand to see someone else lose someone important...

Its the same for me..I dun mind dyin and Im not afraid of it. But I find it very hard to deal with someone else's death.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Jay!

** with my great-grandfather and great-grandmother. And my Uncle James.

aww HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! Im sure u miss em so very much. I can tell.


**I feel kind of guilty that my dad isn't at the top of that list

It looks like u didnt like ur dad all that much. Its ok Jay..u dun hv to feel bad abt it. Some ppl leave us happy memories, some leave us not so happy. So its ok.


*MWAH*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

LaVida reading that was hard..I dun even know ur friend but it made me cry. It really did.

*....I see him sooo much, his smile, his gynaan.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! I so know wut u mean..same with Dan's memories. I have his mobile phone number still in my cell. I dun hv the heart to delete it.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Prats ty sweetz!

**Esp my 100 year old grandfather who died a few months ago

HUGGGGGGGGZ! Im so sorry to hear that. He was 100? WOW!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Mav!

**...they wudnt wanna see u with the river nile in ur eyes

I dunno how to cheer up when my heart feels so heavy Mav...

ty for the video..will check it out soon.

btw dun u miss anyone?

How was ur exam?


Keshi.

Menchie said...

I sometimes wish my paternal grandmother were still here. She had not met my hubby before she passed away. I would love for her to meet her great-grandkids.

Keshi said...

hey Veenz ty sweetie!

**I wish I could meet my maternal grandma once.. and get to knw her.. and maternal granpa once

awwwwwww....:*( old ppl r so precious..they r like the cool breeze to our heavy hearts...I miss my grandma so very much! She used to crack jokes too..alot of the time :)


**and help me watch my toungue...when i m angry...

it happens Veenz..even Im so wicked sometimes...



**i went to Janice's blog....hw did yu find out abt her death?! i m sorry i m jus curious.. i felt.. a strange feeling

Janice was one of the first few bloggers I knew..she and I started blogging together. First we met thru IT chat. Then we became good friends. Then she got married and moved to the US with her husband in that same year..I think 2005. After a while she got pregnant...and she blogged everything abt her life from there. We became daily blog buddies....and then when she was abt 8months pregz she suddenly disappeared. No news nothing...then we panicked. I put up few blog posts lookin for her. I even contacted some ppl in Mulund (her hometown in Mumbai) to find out abt her. Still no one knew abt her.

Then after abt 4months someone left a message for me. Apparently Janice died in Dec 2005 during childbirth in the US. Both she and the baby died. I was devastated and I didnt even wanna believe it for some time. we were even selecting baby names for her baby. Until an Indian schoolmate and blog-buddy of Janice confirmed her death and told us that her family was also in deep shock, including her brother. Janice used to tell me abt her big brother..she used to tell me so many things abt her life..and now just silence...



Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi...the exm was fine..just one case...so more of a story writing exercise...lol...
do i miss anyone..yes...i do..right now my home..longing to go back for a few days before work starts...and u :)

Andrew said...

Gee, you have had your fair share Keshi. I hope everyone around you will now live a long long time.

vEENs said...

OMG Keshi, I completely understand. I read her blog post..and she seemed sucha nice and warm person!

i really hope she and her baby are smewhere... happy...in heaven.

i dnt knw what to say Keshi.

Keshi said...

I agree Thoughts...tears r an expression of love.


**I wish my brother was here with me , he died at the age of 25 bcoz of cancer

Im so sorry to hear this *HUGZ*..I cant even imagine what it is to lose a sibling. It must be very hard!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Im sorry to scare u again Solitaire aww...HUGGGGGGGGZ!


** I will get nightmares tonight since I suffer from PTSD.

Im a very sensitive person...Im so like u. But I like to talk abt it than bury it..cos that way I realise alot of others feel the same way abt a loved-one who's not ard anymore.

I really hope u dun get any nightmares hun. TC n MWAH!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Solitaire..thats a cute new profile pic. :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Menchie I know wut u mean..I wish my dad was ard to see me doing so well...cos he's the only one who really cared.

Im sure she is watching over ur family hun!


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

good to hear ur exams went well Mav...


**...i do..right now my home..longing to go back for a few days before work starts...and u

aww...

and u meaning u miss me? :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Andrew I've been battered by life like hell, yes :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Veenz its ok hun..atleast u were interested to know more abt her..that shows u truly CARE..u hv a feeling HEART.

*MWAH*

Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi....its open to interpretation :D

Keshi said...

Mav Im so numb now...from all this pain..I dun even hv any interpretation skills left in me :)

Keshi.

Nirmal's Blog said...

the only love which i have never seen or was never lucky with is love of grandmaa and grandpaa(mom and dad)..
paternal side i never seen them..maternal side only during vacations (now not that too)...
so i wish they were here....
i miss there pamper

Nirmal's Blog said...

thanks to ur blog i m doing well with serious talks..

plz some humour next time...

Alok said...

Life has shown you a lot of colours, some really dark ones. I dunno how I would have reacted to all of this.

I really don't have any experience. *touch wood*

Cheers to your spirit, it's commendable.

maverick said...

@keshi...temme something..where would being numb lead to??old memories came rushing bck....the heart feels heavy...but then theres always something thts there to look forward...something tht is there tht makes us smile...so think abt tht..think abt things that make u smile n laugh...think abt leaving work n heading home..to spend some time with frnds n family...so do tht..n watch the video..first 1 n half or something :)

Keshi said...

hey Nirmal..

**the only love which i have never seen or was never lucky with is love of grandmaa and grandpaa(mom and dad)..


aww..well I've never really spent much time with my paternal grandparents either..they died when I was abt 5yrs old.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hi again Nirmal :)

**plz some humour next time

Humor is my hiding place yes..

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Alok!

**I dunno how I would have reacted to all of this

yes its really not possible to be in some else's shoes.

ty for understanding.

*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Mav its so easy to say all that..but hv u ever been where I've been?

I know ur trying to cheer me up and I appreciate that, but I cant just shove away these ppl's memories in the attic, cos they played a big part in my life..they may be dead now but it's them who made me what I am today.


tnxx anyways!

Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi...plz dont get me wrong ok..no i dont knw where u ve been...but then i think i knw tht u knw how to come out of it too :)


but I cant just shove away these ppl's memories in the attic, cos they played a big part in my life..they may be dead now but it's them who made me what I am today.


i never said u do that..all i said was look forward to whats there in front of u now...n im sure all those ppl did a great job in making wat u r today...no doubt abt tht :)

chk ur mail if u can :)

SwAtI SeThI said...

Hey Keshi,
How r u doing?
A very emotional post to read first thing in the morning...

I wish my Grandmom was here.. she loved me immensely.. i always loved to call myself her fav grandchild.. :)and i think more than me.. my mom misses her and cries a lot..

I wish my cousin bro was here. He was only 35 when he died in an accident..
I want my Guruji bak..he was my spiritual guru..my lifeline!! Life seems completely empty without him..
Nehow..

U take care keshi
Hugggsss!!!

Michelle said...

i lost a frnd last june...and this post really struck a chord in my heart...it was so heartbreaking when i went and visited his mum...there are over 200 pictures of him on the walls of their home...he was only 17...he din deserve it...many dont...

havent been here in sooo long! lol i feel so overwhelmed everytime i come here and read a post...

Keshi said...

Mav I know u mean well. but I wanna feel it fully when Im feeling them, their memories..I dun wanna just think abt something else..cos deep down these thoughts r there anyways.

Anyways dun worry..I aint mad at ya :):)


*HUGZ* n TY!


Keshi.

vEENs said...

ohh thanks Hun.. u take care :)

Keshi said...

aww Swati HUGGGGGGGGZ!

** i always loved to call myself her fav grandchild.

my grandma used to say the same..she always told me 'You're a different child..compared to all my other grandkids...ur special'...Im crying as I type this.



**I wish my cousin bro was here. He was only 35 when he died in an accident

OMG Im so sorry to hear that *HUGZ*!

This post so far revealed to me that so many ppl r missing so many loved-ones in their lives!!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Swati..

ur Guruji must be reading ur comment and smiling now...Im pretty sure..

Smile hun...cos we r all going thru the same, missing and remembering our dear ones right here together...


Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi...thnx :)

gunj said...

dat made me sad...really sad :(
im sooo scared of death!

Keshi said...

Nichi I rem him...even the post u wrote for him.

He was only 17...how sad.

Why I wrote the ages of each person in this post is to show that DEATH is common to all..DEATH dun choose skin color, race, character or age...DEATH just dun choose.


*HUGZ* My prayers to ur darling friend's soul!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Veenz luv ya!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mav :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Gunj sweetie HUGZ!

dun be scared...read my reply to Michi just above on DEATH.

besides Death is a part of LIFE.

Im not scared to die..but I cant bear it when others ard me die. but having been thru all those deaths, Im almost there..


Keshi.

maverick said...

hmm...jus chk up on d mail..n lemme knw if it helps??

SwAtI SeThI said...

Thanks!!
Yes.. dont worry.. I am smiling. :)
Life's cruelties dont spare anyone. Instead of dwellling in our own sorrow all the time, its better to help others with their pain..dont knw how much i do but i try to..
At times, its too difficult to control. Especially when I look at my cousin's kids..they lost their mom much before their dad(my cousin) passed away... they r too young and are all alone in this world.. nobody else can give them that kind of love n support..

but am good.. you too keep smiling :)
thanks! :)
lots of love...
swati

anits said...

hi keshi...so sad to hear the ppl u missed.. i would like to have my grandpa back! ter are so many things i wan to talk to him.. :( i miss him so much

Sweetstickychewy said...

Its so true sweets. Only we know the true feelings of our memories and pain. *HUGGIZ*

And sweets..I read about why you wrote da post.

*HUGZ*

Lovezz

Sourish Karmakar said...

Death...
ahh
its very complex..
but I will search for the blog ids of inmates of heaven...
then we can kno the facts from there straights ... :)

*hugs- if u need dis*
* tight hug - if u dont need it *

:P

tulipspeaks said...

two person - one, my grandfather. he brought me up as his child, and i only hv some blurred memory about him. wish to know him more.
another one would be my chinese fren - she passed away in an accident outside the school and i was the last person who spoke to her. it has been 9 years since her passing, but i am still unable to accept it.

:(



ammu.

Judge Arse said...

I sympathize. Coming up in my life in just a few days is the 17 years anniversary of the suicide of one of the most lovely, troubled blokes I ever knew. He was 22 years old at the time. It still tears my heart out and always will.

Jeevan said...

It would be my uncle shyam, who still lives in my memories, dreams and imaginations. if he lived still, he would be a shadow for many needed people around him, including me. He was loving me so much, everyday I could see him smiling at me whenever I was watching from balcony his arrives to his mechanical shop. Every one of us in our family misses him more than anything.

Hugsss dear.

Hiren said...

** If wishes were a bridge, I'd be able to cross it and meet all these people.
just a few days back, I mentioned something similar in reply to Solitaires gadget post ... that i wud wish for a phone which wud enable ppl on earth to talk to their loved ones in heaven ...

and death is the only certainty in otherwise life which is full of uncertainties ... so i actually do believe that all should face the loss of their loved ones with a bit of equanimity ...

btw u know wat? u are better off than few ppl like me who somehow (dont ask why) cant share/express their feelings of loss ...

tc

Tys on Ice said...

as i grow older i know that iam going to bear witness to more deaths and more loss...

more often its the ones that are left behind who hve to deal with the loss...

u keep that smile on ur face always...sometimes a shield is necessary to survive

Nitika said...

hiiiiiiiiiiiii keshu!!
how've u been?
been long time...missing your post...
nice to read them as always

big hugzz to u dear...there shudn't be any tears in your eyes u just be happy we love to see you smiling always!!!
Muahhzzz

vishesh said...

smile and smile and smile...this a last line of a poem ...forgot which one...it reminds me of that poem...thought it was about a girl leaving her mom...

curryegg said...

Uhh... I'm sorry to hear about this keshi... I understand your feeling when people around us die... sigh...
Somehow, keshi, do live a happy life in the present.. we just have one life and let live it to the fullest...

btw keshi, I'm interested to know about how you put the youtube in such a small size and automatic play? I've tried to shrink it but it's not as nice as yours.. oh ya...I've entered a video blog competition and will end on 7th.. need vote.. feel free to vote me.. ;)

Enigma said...

such a heartfelt post....death is indeed so shocking and we wonder wat happens after death....so many near and dear ones r taken away from us so suddenly :(

BIG Omi said...

Keshi,
Take care and Keep Smiling.

ruSh.Me said...

Well, Missing people, is definitely not the brightest side of life.... but.... isn't that, what makes them so special....

the untouched cheek...
the unwritten letter....
the unbroken promise....

freesherry said...

hey!
I am sherry and I have started a picture deication thread an my blog

impressionist has dedicated a picture and a message to you at
http://sherryrowl.blogspot.com/2008/03/say-it-with-pictures.html

he is waiting for your reply
take care

Ankur said...

Few are just to spread smiles KeshiGirl!!!

Keep Smiling...

P.S. A small dedication to you. Smile

Nadine said...

What a wonderful reminder of those who are gone and some at a very young age. Keshi I pray you find comfort for those you lost. Some were way too young.

I miss my dad who died at 61 of cancer.

Miladysa said...

[hugs]

Very difficult question Keshi.

My first thought is my parents - to see them again, talk with them, laugh with them and perhaps even cry with them.

My second thought is that even though it was a terrible thing to loose them I gained so much by their passing. I became a much better person for the loss, it taught me how precious life is and that we should enjoy it while we can.

My third thought is not to change anything... all is as it should be. I am sure I will see my parents and others who have passed again some day.

c e e d y said...

There are two ways to look at death - mourn that they are here no more or celebrate their existence and what legacy they left behind...

Understand your dilemmna...

shooting star said...

a hearttouching piece!!!
i dunno keshi..most of the people i want in my life are here with me!!!...my parents..my brother..my friends...
but yeah my grandparents..if they were here today ..it would have been a nicer worl for me!!!

KP! said...

There are lot of people....
my grandparents, my uncle, my aunt, my cousin....list is endless...:).

The biggest one is My buddy J....he was not family, but he was more than brother....:).

I pray to god every day for few minutes..All my loved ones are happy where ever they are!! when i am up there i want the sit next J...Its the best sit in the house!!

death is inevitable. we all have to go its sad but thats the ultimate truth!!

keshi, i have never seen person like u who cared for fellow blogger. i am glad u cared for janice, eventhough u never met her!
i feel bad for her husband..poor guy...he lost his wife and unborn child...may god give him strength to come out of this!

Your loved ones wants u to be happy...
whether we are here or not
"Show Must Go On Keshi"

Peace!!

Niyara - Asian Rocxs said...

It's so strange seeing a list of the people you miss... I wish so many people were here, but not formyself. for my dad - both his parents. for my grandad - his sister. I wish I could have my grandad back so i could spend so much more time with him, instead of thinking now about how little time we did.

desperado said...

Rian...i still have his number..and even dial it sometimes hoping against hope that he will answer it

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

IT's been real busy.

This was a sad, but heartfelt post.

There are two people who I wish I can see.

Have a great weekend!

I have to travel west to work on a
project. Should be back in two weeks.

Bev

punjabi~car~freak! said...

U still blog!!
so regularly!!!!????!!!!!!

I'm amazed again wid u keshi
How are you....
I think the world might turn upside down but Keshi ad her blogger friends with hundreds of comments will always be there!
:)

SambY said...

I wish i would get to talk to my old roomate from boarding school... akshay.. i have lived in boarding since m 10..and really m not close to the family like i am to my friends... he dies at 18... in a road accident.. wel weer roomads from the 4th standard till first year in college... and well... what all we used to jooke.. everytime one used to cry..other used to say..stop crying or i'll tell ur kids that u cry... ..at that time it felt silly...but i wish he comes back..n well that we can really fulfill those dreams...

Dalicia said...

hi keshi....what a warm hearted post. it's unfortunate that this kind of things happen. remember your dad is watching you :)

carolinagal said...

So sorry to hear about your losses Keshi.

Who stays alive in this world, and who doesn't is sometimes beyond our control. All we can do is keep them alive in our memories. May they RIP.

krystyna said...

Hi Keshi!
When I got up today (4am), first I started to read your post.
I couldn't stop to cry.

I didn't know Janice. But I read her blog and last commets.
Your still visits (not only yours, Jim too)
her blog is very moving.
What a beautiful friends are in the Blogosphere!
I cannot stop to cry.

Thank you so much for this lesson!

Ghost Particle said...

been a while since i really cried, guess i made my heart so cold that I cant cry anymore. these past few days, i read a post bout death from Pallavi and then you. And I went to Janice's blog just now and scrolled down to the last bit of comments from you, I am so sad now. I cant imagine the time and again that you commented without reply. and then all ended.

could you tell me how you got to know her death da?

If there is a heaven, there should not be a hell. All are gods children, one day, we shall all meet again at a different place, only this time there wont be death anymore.

hugs and love.

fingers said...

Three weeks ago a very good friend of mine hung himself.
I miss him terribly but I don't wish he was still here.
I assume he had good reasons for doing what he did...

Pink said...

Too many people to mention

((Keshi))
xx
pinks

The Phosgene Kid said...

Blue Thursday, eh?

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

I'll be here till Monday.

Check out my blog. You might like the changes. The player has a menu, plus you can scroll down on the screen.

Have a good one! Will be back!

Hugs

Bev

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

People come and go on the screen of our lives and only the memories of them linger on. People who passed away and whom we terribly miss, sometimes occupy the inner recesses of our mind. The only thing that matters is that, have we given them our time and love when they were still around? Thanks for the poignant post. God bless.

Steph said...

My cousin Toni who died in a car accident when she was only 17.

I still feel her around sometimes, it's comforting.

Thinking aloud said...

aww..keshi..what happened? *hugs* hope you make peace with yourself...

you know what's scary about growing old...u start looking around andsee your grandparents looking verry old and you fear...you see your parents are not that young anymore and you fear..teh worst part is that they are all living away and you dread every call which comes late at night...

if i were to want some one back....it would be the ones who passed away last year...needlessly and a wish to see and know my paternal grandparents...they must have been wonderful to have made my father who he is...

u take care girl...okay? and look into the future...which you are a part of...

Solitaire said...

Keshi, how are you today?
Come back to Short and Sweet. The translation is waiting for you. And see what jim has done..

carolinagal said...

Hey Keshikins
How are you doing today?

xoxoxo

Keshi said...

Mav tnxx!

Ur email was good..but I cant u'stand why God gave us all these FEELINGS and is now asking us not to worry abt such things. Doesnt make sense to me. Is He drunk? :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Swati hey!


**..they lost their mom much before their dad(my cousin) passed away... they r too young and are all alone in this world.. nobody else can give them that kind of love n support..

OMG thats so sad! They lost their mum too?? And yes, no one can replace PARENTS.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Anits...I miss my grandpa too..even tho I was only abt 6 when he died...I sometimes wonder what great convos we cud hv had if he was still ard..cos now we r alot older..


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Amy HUGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Sourish n HUGZ!


**but I will search for the blog ids of inmates of heaven...


hehe cute..u think they'll still call me KESHI up there? :)

And I'd know ya straight away from ur sexy glasses hehe..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

HUGZ Ammu!

Grandparents r so precious!


And ur Chinese friend..I rem u blogged abt that friend. I dunno wut to say cos that must hv been very traumatic to experience...

*MWAH*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Judge I feel ur pain n tears...HUGGGGGGGZ!

**Coming up in my life in just a few days is the 17 years anniversary of the suicide of one of the most lovely, troubled blokes I ever knew

thats so sad. Cos thats what happened to Dan too...one afternoon he just jumped in front of a train. No he wasnt crazy...he was going thru a tough time with some court-case. He was a bright guy with a bright future. A s/w consulant...a Uni graduate...a wonderful mate.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jeevan from ur comment, I cud almost feel uncle Shyam's wonderful spirit.


**He was loving me so much, everyday I could see him smiling at me whenever I was watching from balcony his arrives to his mechanical shop.

that made me smile, with tears...


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

heyya Hiren!


** that i wud wish for a phone which wud enable ppl on earth to talk to their loved ones in heaven ...

aww...



**and death is the only certainty in otherwise life which is full of uncertainties ...

yes and it's the only thing that can break ppl into pieces.


**so i actually do believe that all should face the loss of their loved ones with a bit of equanimity ...

I know Hiren..but its so much more easier said that done :)


tnxx anyways!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Tys!


**as i grow older i know that iam going to bear witness to more deaths and more loss

true..but it doesnt make the pain any lesser Tys.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nitika omg HUGZ n WB!

So nice to see ya bak :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

yes Vish..a smile can hide alot of pain...

can ya tell from my pic that Im sad?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Curry!

**we just have one life and let live it to the fullest...

yes but that doesnt mean we dun think abt those who r gone, right? :)


hey I'll come ard to help u with the YouTube video sizing...hang ten ok.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Enigma!

And WC :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Big_Omi WC n ty!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Heyy Rush.Me ty and WC in here :)


**the untouched cheek...
the unwritten letter....
the unbroken promise

beautifully expressed...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Freesherry ty! :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Ankur that was so sweet of ya! I was speechless as I read it...


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi..morning...

well as mentioned in the conversation in the mail..sometimes the answer is a NO...thts life..if u corelate all the answers..they make sense...

newaz replied to the mail :)

Keshi said...

Nadine tnxx hun!


**I miss my dad who died at 61 of cancer

*HUGZ* I cant even imagine ur pain but I do know what it is to lose a father.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Milady HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! U sure must miss ur parents very much. I dun even know if I can live w.o. my mum..


**I became a much better person for the loss, it taught me how precious life is and that we should enjoy it while we can.

I agree..such experiences give u a new lease in life.


**My third thought is not to change anything... all is as it should be

I believe in that too. Everything happens as it should. But that doesnt make the pain go away Milady :(


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Ceedy!

**mourn that they are here no more or celebrate their existence and what legacy they left behind

cant we do both? Why the OR? :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Sushmita u'd love it if ur grandparents had met ur husband too ha?

*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty KP!

**The biggest one is My buddy J....he was not family, but he was more than brother

Sounds like J is such a nice dude. Sorry to hear abt his death.


Janice oyeah..Im sure she's still calling me 'dumbass' in Heaven hehe...she used to affectionatly call me that.


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Niyara!


**I wish so many people were here, but not formyself. for my dad - both his parents. for my grandad - his sister.

how sweet of u to wish that for others...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Dhruv hey how hv ya been? Missed ya.


**Rian...i still have his number..and even dial it sometimes hoping against hope that he will answer it


aww...I rem him. u blogged abt him and I went n checked his blog..n cried.

I still hv Dan's number too...in my cell. I dialled it a couple of times...I dun even know why!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

G'day Bev!

**There are two people who I wish I can see.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ Luv! I know who they r..ur parents. Im sorry if I made u sad?

Im gonna miss ya..come bak soon ok.

TC
Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Punjabi WB :)

yep Im still here..but dunno for how much longer...next time ur here, I may not be ard hehe.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Samby ur comments was a real tear-jerker..


**and really m not close to the family like i am to my friends... he dies at 18... in a road accident..

thats so sad! *HUGZ*


u still hv the memories..never let em rust. keep his memory alive, always.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Dalicia tnxx hun!

Keshi.

carolinagal said...

hey Kesh
come to Solitaire's 'STOP' blog and join us women bitch about Jimbo the freak!!

Keshi said...

true Carolinagal...keep the memories alive. Thats why I blog abt em from time to time..I can never FORGET.

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Krys awww....


*HUGZ*


**Your still visits

yes I hv been visiting Janice's site for the last 3yrs..even after she disappeared w.o. notice. I didnt believe her death until someone confirmed it for me. The bubz was due in Dec 2005...and look how hauntingly quiet her blog is now...somehow all that excitement and fun just stopped one day...and only silence resides in that blog right now.


Some memories r piercing my heart.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Ghosty!


**guess i made my heart so cold that I cant cry anymore.

yes! me too. but my tears r in invisible form now. cos there r no more tears left to shed.


**And I went to Janice's blog just now and scrolled down to the last bit of comments from you, I am so sad now. I cant imagine the time and again that you commented without reply. and then all ended.

yes..total silence. But I go there even now..just to tell Janice that I hvnt forgotten her..that she was not just a blogger for me..she was more than a sister, more than a contact, more than just a blogger Id.


**could you tell me how you got to know her death da?

Read my reply to Veenz right at the top of this comment section. Cos she asked the same qn.


*HUGZ* Ghosty!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Fingers Im so very sorry mate..HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**I miss him terribly but I don't wish he was still here.
I assume he had good reasons for doing what he did..


Im so like ya Fingers..i never judge ppl when they commit suicide. No one can get in the shoes of another person to judge what it is like to walk in them.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aw tnxx Pink n hey WC!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Phoso lets just say Blue life :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

I did Bev, that was great! :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Mel!

** The only thing that matters is that, have we given them our time and love when they were still around?

true..but sometimes I feel I was not there for Dan when he needed me the most.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Stepher!

**My cousin Toni who died in a car accident when she was only 17.
I still feel her around sometimes, it's comforting.

HUGZ luv! I got goosebumps reading ur comment..n she was so very young!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty TA HUGZ!

**....it would be the ones who passed away last year...needlessly and a wish to see and know my paternal grandparents

ur dad must miss em alot. And sometimes grandparents can be the bestfriends u'll ever have. I know my grandma was not only my gradnma but was my bestfriend...she used to crack jokes all the time :)



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Im good ta Solitaire and urself?

tnxx n MWAH!

Keshi

Keshi said...

Im good ty sweetie Carolinagal and u?

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Mav!

**..sometimes the answer is a NO...thts life..if u corelate all the answers..they make sense...

I know that..we dun get everything we want in life. But why ask not to worry, and to blockout certain feelings? Why r ppl so afraid to be sad? Feeling sad is as real as feeling happy.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

*as feeling happy is.

Kesho.

Keshi said...

k Carolinagal Im on my way LOL!

tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Carolinagal I cant see Solitaire's STOP blog anymore :( it has been like that for the past few days. I dunno why tho.

Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi...

agreed feeling sad is as real as feeling happy is...
but then is feeling is what u wanna do?? in my personal opinion...feeling sad makes u go back in time n get lost there for a time span which may or maynot be good for u urself...no one else concerned....when u do tht...more often than not..u end up loosing sight of the present/future howsoever small that period of loosing sight shall be...n during tht phase u may end of affecting the course of events undesirably...

secondly when u r feeling sad u dont realise that the world around u is in the same time frame...n u end up doing saying stuff that can b taken negatively even tho u didnt intend it to be tht ways...

so feeling sad is a reality...n its not being scared off it...its more about letting it pass off..and trying to b happy abt it..

there are always 2 options..the one u shud take n the one u take :)

carolinagal said...

i am emailing u the link...come right over!!

Silvara said...

arrrgh....i know ur pain keshi....and my heart twists and breaks at those who have left us...

it makes me so mad to hear about 'honour-killings' - it's just unbelievable. i wish i could DO something.

i see those tears behind that smile and so here is a hug from me to you *HUG*

maverick said...

@keshi
(without the typographical errors)



@keshi...

agreed feeling sad is as real as feeling happy is...
but then is feeling sad is what u wanna do?? in my personal opinion...feeling sad makes u go back in time n get lost there for a time span which may or maynot be good for u urself...no one else concerned....when u do tht...more often than not..u end up loosing sight of the present/future howsoever small that period of loosing sight shall be...n during tht phase u may end of affecting the course of events undesirably...

secondly when u r feeling sad u dont realise that the world around u is not in the same time frame...n u end up doing saying stuff that can b taken negatively even tho u didnt intend it to be tht ways...

so feeling sad is a reality...n its not being scared off it...its more about letting it pass off..and trying to b happy...

there are always 2 options..the one u shud take n the one u take :)

Ankur said...

KeshiGirl...

the only problem is that u misspell my name there! :|


Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

no problemo :D

Kaylee said...

HEY YOU OK??????????? i am having bad thoughts again.................

I want my grandma back.....and my sister who died at 10 years old last year.

Shionge said...

I wish my Dad is still around with me *sob*

Keshi said...

ty Mav!

it all makes sense if u hadnt lived my experiences. :)


**the one u shud take n the one u take

I know. But I dun go by what I SHOULD do..I go by what I FEEL.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

o sorry abt that Ankur :(

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Caro tnxx hun!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Silvara ty so much for u'standing me hun. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

WOW Kaylz ur sis died, and how?

Im so sorry HUGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

*HUGZ* Shionge I know how u feel!

Keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi..

it all makes sense if u hadnt lived my experiences. :)


well all of us can say that...there will b experiences on my side u wudnt ve lived...

anyways...i jus hope u r doing better n good :)

Keshi said...

yeah Mav all of us can say that..yes I know.

But this is my blog and I write abt my feelings here. This is not a place just to hv fun only. Its a sacred place where my every emotion is revealed.

And if u think Im wallowing in self-pity, then ur wrong. My blog is a place where I give a voice to my inner feelings..and now whether my readers like my posts or not, I really cant bother abt it. If u think Im being negative, then I cant help it either.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

In short, I write for myself.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Mav, hv u ever woken up one morning (say when ur 15) and found ur dad dead next to ya?

I dun wanna ask these sort of qns..I know everyone has their cross to bear. But this is abt my feelings..this is my blog..and I write abt things that have happened in my life. And I'd like ppl to respect that.

tnxx!

Keshi.

maverick said...

But this is my blog and I write abt my feelings here. This is not a place just to hv fun only. Its a sacred place where my every emotion is revealed.

keshi..i knw tht..n its commendable..not everyone can do tht :)


And if u think Im wallowing in self-pity, then ur wrong. My blog is a place where I give a voice to my inner feelings


i never wrote anything tht was intended to suggest that in any stretch of imagination :) i knw wat ur blog means to u :)


and now whether my readers like my posts or not, I really cant bother abt it. If u think Im being negative, then I cant help it either.


i never said anything abt u being negative...n if i hadnt liked ur posts..i wudnt ve been here :)..sounds logical enuf?? :)

my only concern as i ld like to phrase it was u being ok..gues it got lost somewhere between..sincere apologies for tht :)

Keshi said...

Mav yes u never SAID any of that but u MEANT alot of that by saying things like 'everyone can say this' etc.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

cos this aint abt EVERYONE..this is abt MY life.

keshi.

maverick said...

@keshi...

once again..i ld apologize for the incorrect usage of word to frame the sentence.. it wasnt suppose to go across as it went out..

Keshi said...

wut else cud u hv meant by 'Everyone can say the same' Mav?

Im quite confident there can only be one 'Keshi's life'. Just like there can only be one 'Mav's life'. The 2 can never be compared and should never been see as the same.

Keshi.

Whitesnake said...

Me Mum!

Keshi said...

aww Steve HUGS!

Mums r the BEST ppl in this world!

Keshi.

Macadamia The Nut said...

I've traveled the same path Keshigirl... and I'm still waiting for it to stop hurting.

And it wont

maverick said...

@keshi..

i wrote this...
well all of us can say that...there will b experiences on my side u wudnt ve lived.

here the universe of ppl concerned was me n u...n i made a direct statement indicating that...the underlying meaning being..we all have experiences and lives and they cant be compared...just like what u mentioned in ur last comment....

i have apologized for the wrong framing of the sentence..n i ld like to end this discussion bcos its not doing any good to either of us...thts my presumption...n feeling..if u ld like then i ll apologize again for it :)

Keshi said...

Macadamia hun isnt that so true..it just wont stop hurting.

*HUGZ* luv!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mav u dun need to apologize.

**being..we all have experiences and lives and they cant be compared

yes I know that..Im not saying Im the only one, am I? Thats why asked all of my readers to mention who they miss. And also, just cos everyone else has gone thru the same shit, it doesnt make me feel any better...should it??

Keshi.

Chriz said...

THIS IS YOUR BEST EVER POST..left me emotionally shuddered

Keshi said...

ty Chriz.

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Pavi!!!! said...

God Bless all these ppl keshi . I'd like to blv they are in a better place and are watching over their fav ppl on earth.


BTW..i looooooooove this song!

Ghost Particle said...

Read it. Thx Keshi.

Cinderella. said...

Babe..there are many who I'd love to have with me right now.
The choice aint easy..and I'm not gonna make it.
But this post was amazing. And the ending lines, struck a chord deep inside...

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi-you must've read my mind-just yesterday,I was also debating on whether to write a post on people whom I wish were around,and,today I see a post from you on the same topic!!In fact,I went a step further and wondered..err,I'll keep that wondering for my post.TC,and,be happy with the thought that these lovely people must be happy Up there,and,watching you,being happy when you are,being sad when you're sad...so,you can't let them down,na?Think of them as a guiding light,always!

curryegg said...

yup... we will not forget about those who has left us... I will never ever forget my granny and my lovely dog, Mandy... amitabha...

thank you keshi.. will wait for you..
hugs... ;D

Ria said...

Keshi that was a very touching post!i often wish my maternal grandpa was here to see me working as an independent woman, he wud be so happy.He was an amazing person and i m yet to come across a person who is so forward looking and progressive.

Ria said...

Gosh!i m too overwhelmed to say anything....but i jus cudnt stop myself from visiting Janice's blog and needless to say i hav tears in my eyes....i dunno wht to say...please excuse me..........

elusive said...

i really dunno wot to say, death is a grim reality and experiencin some1 close go away at a tender age can have a huge impact on u..i dont wish to talk abt this but i do have certain images so vivid in my memorey though i was only 5 wen i witnessed 'em..they make me insecure..i wish my granma was here with me..

beautifully expressed keshi..mwah.

Satish Bolla said...

173 comments!!!! does that mean people r missing some1 they love/like too much???
well, in my case, i would like to have my love returned back to me frm heaven. her name is vidya. she died in an accident in pune

RamaG said...

a very touching post....i'm reminded of my grand-mom, who died last year. Unfortunately, I wasnt there during her final days. :-(

I did a similar post on my blog, last year.

-Rama.

Keshi said...

ty Pavi!

*HUGZ*


-----------------------------------

hey Ghosty...


-----------------------------------

aww tnx Cinderella!


*HUGZ*


-----------------------------------

really AmitL? wow :)


n tnxx n HUGZ!


-----------------------------------

tnxx hun @Curry



-----------------------------------


hey Ria...


**wish my maternal grandpa was here to see me working as an independent woman, he wud be so happy

aww HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


I know how u feel...even my dad didnt get to see past the 16yr old me.



Abt Janice..all I hv is *TEARZ*

-----------------------------------


aww Elusive tnxx!


*..i wish my granma was here with me..


*HUGZ*


-----------------------------------

Satish hey tnxx!

** her name is vidya. she died in an accident in pune

OMG thats so sad. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

She was ur GF?


-----------------------------------

aww Rama that must hurt alot...

**i'm reminded of my grand-mom, who died last year.

HUGZ I rem that post. So touching...



Keshi.

Satish Bolla said...

yup.

The Shrew said...

Hey chicka how you been? This one reminded me of my uncle. I still cannot talk about it without getting angry. Have you ever been angry at someone for dying?

Vesper de Vil said...

extremely sad post. i remember reading janice's blog in 2005. this is positively heartbreaking, especially reading her last post...that she planned to "be a good mom."

xoxo from Canada.

Keshi said...

ty Satish!


----------------------------------

Shrew HUGZ! Im so sorry to hear abt un uncle.. :*(


**Have you ever been angry at someone for dying?


yes! Many times. When I think of my dad or Dan or Janice, I sometimes kick the wall and cry in so much of frustration.


-----------------------------------


Vesper ty darling!


** i remember reading janice's blog in 2005.

u knew Jan?


Keshi.