Smells Like Skunk Spirit...

What do you do when a stink-bomb sits next to you on the train, the train is crowded and there are no more seats, a cute guy in front of you is giving you hot looks and all you can think of is throwing up violently? I couldn't do anything at all...I was stuck and I was dying a slow and smelly death. Well that's what happened to me last night on the train, on my way back home. I was seated on the right side of a 2-seater with the aisle next to me, and some kinda skunk who never had a shower in a million years came and sat next to me. He didn't look like a bath-deprived bogan, neither did he look like he ran out of money to buy soap, but from the moment his arse touched the seat, a strange smell emanated from his direction. To be precise, from the 'left'. I was listening to music and my brain sent me this instant message "Keshi hello hello hello this is your brain calling! You are being bombarded by the stench of a lethal organism, you silly woman...stop listening to music and prepare your system to go into Smell-shock...Keshi hello helo hello this is your brain calling!". As soon as I got that message, my system did go into severe trauma. I suddenly realised that a certain body-odor from a certain seat-partner is about to destroy my very existence. I wanted to get up and go to another seat but there was no other seat available. And what would he have thought if I got up as soon as he just sat there? It would have been too rude. So I decided to stay a little longer, until a seat was available. Well it looked like the Gods were at the Disco, cos I didn't get another seat at all! During that very painful wait for a seat, I thought of many suicide methods. Well I really didn't have to kill myself cos I was already losing my Oxygen on it's own. However, it seemed like that the 'smellee' didn't have any clue that he stank me to RIP status! Ok I agree that people do smell at the end of the day...sweat or whatever from a whole day at work. Well whatever it is, he had no excuse for smelling so bad, and nothing justifies his odor that could be liable for passenger deaths! I felt like slowly giving a hand-written note to another passenger that read HELP ME! For godssakes carry some deo, couldn't he have done that???

So at this stage my system was severely suffering from the effects of the initial trauma and somehow it seem to have less of an effect with every minute that passed. Why? Cos maybe my body has basically given up by now...it was becoming immune to the smell in a rather mortal way. However, it still suffered from an occasional dose of shock that got induced from time to time, from my mate who was sitting next to me. In about 10mins, I suddenly found my upper body leaning towards the aisle, way off to the right, and it looked like I was gonna fall off my seat and hit the aisle! I was quite startled by this realisation, and suddenly pulled myself back into the seat, before someone in the aisle started walking on top of my head! It was so funny I laughed at my own body doing that, without my own knowledge - I guess it was working hard to avoid the smell so it gradually leaned towards the aisle, away from the source of smell. Maybe if I didn't pull myself back into the seat, I would have passed out on to the aisle. Now all of this was happening and suddenly a cute guy got on the train...with beautiful dark hair and very attractive eyes - Gerard Butlerish material you see. He was standing below, near the train doors and was looking at me (I was at the top carriage - first seat, facing him). I noticed that he couldn't stop looking every 5secs or so. I looked at him too (being the massive flirt that I am!). Also I badly needed to get my brain to focus on something else (something that could save me from going to a shrink within the next 24hrs), or else I'd have started writing my Will on a train seat. When I looked at the cute guy, the smell from the 'left' didn't stop coming...obviously Keshi! It was as if my brain was trying hard to decide which one to concentrate on...the smell or the cute guy. My poor brain was multi-tasking under terrible circumstances and I was thinking 'brain-transplant' some time next month, seriously! Anyways, FINALLY there came a stop where the 'smellee' had to get out at...that's when my lungs were reborn and I started breathing again, after a brief demise that is. My nose was still in her grave. Anyways I said my prayers and gathered myself...finally I realised that I somehow managed to survive one of the harshest train conditions without having to shoot myself to death - and that condition is SMELLY PASSENGERS.

The cute guy remained on the train until my stop came. Wow he lives in the same area, gottta check the suburb out ;-). Pity the skunk didn't allow me to concentrate on the hunk...that's how tragic my life is. So, I went home thinking why some people smell so bad. Is it a crime to take a shower or use some deo, or is it that some people don't have the sense of smell that they don't know how much they stink! Could it be that their sense of smell died cos of their own body odor? These people seriously need to take a shower, use cologne, brush their teeth, wear fresh clothes and underwear, keep their bodies smelling good and save fellow passengers from an untimely death.

(heart)Breaking News!

Sydney, Australia: A businesswoman has seen stars on a train last night. Seated next to her was a certain species that seemed to have thought a certain scent would attract him to women, but instead it backfired on him and nearly gagged this woman to death. She is recovering at a hospital right now...hopefully she'll stop seeing stars by the end of the week. The doctors think she'll need anti-skunk spray when she's on the train next time. Hence smelly people are advised to scrub themselves clean before hopping on a train. Stop, Wash, Save and Survive!

Current Music: Tragedy by Bee Gees