Suresh was given the following scenario:
You bring your girlfriend home and want to have a romantic night with her...but with 6 others in the house, there's absolutely no way of doing that. You cant go out either cos it's raining heavily. You check your room and there's Amit and Rakesh snoring on your bed. You check the loo and there's Ria in there. You check the kitchen and there's Nita and Keshi in there! *rolling eyes by now*. So what do you do to make it happen? And the following script explains what Suresh did.
IS RAAT KI SUBAH NAHIN (No Dawn For This Night)
Suresh had been invited as a guest to Keshi's house. He took this opportunity to get close and know Keshi better. But he had never guessed that there would be other guests.... five more. Somehow Hollywood slasher movies came to his mind.... those movies where strangers gather at one place and suddenly one by one they start getting killed.... very brutally.
He diverted his mind and thought of his girlfriend, Simran. Simran wanted to see her at the earliest as her brothers were planning to get her married off to some software guy from across the borders. He told her to meet her at Keshi's place after some days. At that point of time, he didn't know that there would be other guests.
It was raining cats and dogs when Simran landed at Keshi's place. He just couldn't take her to any nice restaurant or have a candlelit dinner under the stars. Somehow he had to manage within the house. But Keshi was an angel... she had given him a room. Suresh and Simran just crashed into that room to find Jay and Amit sleeping together. The Guys woke up. But didn't make any move to vacate the room, "We were watching the ultra modern version of Devdas. Its too good. We got very involved with the characters." Suresh tried to smile, "So which one of you is Devdas?" The Two masculine gents looked at each other, "None! I am Paru and that is Chandramukhi". Without daring to speak a word, Suresh and Simran came out of the room.
Suresh had to go to the loo. The loo is usually the place where brainwaves came to him. But someone seemed to have taken it on rent. Suresh banged the door twice but someone from inside was weeping out loud, "No! I can't. The whole world has gone mad. This is the only place where I can find peace."
Suresh had never entered the kitchen at his home. But now that was the only place where they can take refuge. Even that was preoccupied. Rakesh was cooking something. On enquiry, the chef remarked in the soothing manner, "You know they say a way to woman's heart is through her stomach and a man's heart is through his ears. So I am cooking some delicious Food for dinner so as to get close to Keshi." Suresh tried to correct the other person, "I think Its the other way around, 'a way to a man's heart....." But the other party was not listening.
That's when Simran had a good idea and shared it with Suresh. All Suresh had to do was convince the chef, "U know what they say An apple a day keeps the doctor away.... Guess what is it 's improved version...A garlic a day keeps everyone away." Now that he had captured the chef's attention, "You know garlic is a passion food. You cook garlic and you can win over Keshi. But before that boil it in such a manner that the smell spreads all over the place and remove others so that we can enjoy this romantic night.... what do you say?"
The plan was put to action and the result was as expected. But the landlady Keshi was very angry for the ill-treatment of other guests by the romantic pair and looked at the perpetrators Suresh and Simran. Will she throw them out of her house? Will she excuse them?
VERDICT by the host:
And what do you think Keshi did? Since Garlic is an aphrodisiac (intensifies sexual desire), she got all her housemates to eat what was cooked using Garlic, and they all started doing the Lambada in a Garlic-driven frenzy while Suresh and Simran stood staring shell-shocked at their foiled plan! The love-struck-but-traumatised-by-a-manic-Garlicanised-gang couple immediately left the house, as getting wet in the pouring rain seemed less damaging than witnessing the shameless moves of some overdriven Garlic heads!
I Don't Know What To Do...Cos I'll Never Be With You!
Smack, I felt on my head and saw Jay staring at me, “I know what you thinking” he said.
Now, definitely he couldn’t imagine me picturing this wonderful piece of ass as a cow, I smiled to myself “No way CB (Cynical Bastard aka Jay), Not in a thousand years”. I somehow liked his nickname – Cynical Bastard, it gave us all a chance to abuse him without him feeling abused coz. after all, it was the name he’d bestowed upon himself.
I could see Amit and Suresh sitting across on the couch, discussing something earnestly. I was sure, they would be discussing either Hindi movies or finance. Now I’m a huge fan of Hindi movies myself but not when you’re staying with the choicest pretty ladies. And pretty soon, they finish their discussion with a handshake as if saying “No offence buddy but cool discussion” and we say our good nights to them as well.
“Don’t sleep on my side of the room Amit” I shout behind him as they walk away.
Jay again looks at me puzzled “What’s with that side of yours anyway?”
“Nothing CB (somehow, I always emphasize on the B) Just its near the bathroom door so I don’t have to walk a lot at night” How can I tell him that from that bed, I can look out straight at the kitchen door and whenever she comes to the kitchen, I can rush in there with an excuse to bump into her.
He finishes the last of his beer in his can with a huge gulp and I down my corona, my mind dizzy with the thoughts of this girl who’s suddenly gate crashed my heart and has taken complete possession of it. The thoughts of my first meeting with her come back to my mind. Keshi introduced all of us to each other and the moment she spoke, I was hooked. Her voice sounded like one of those divine voices (couldn’t remember where I’ve heard a similar voice, maybe when I called the phone sex number) so throaty and full, absolutely loved it the moment I heard her for the first time.
She said something like “Hi, so YOU are Rakesh” and I mumbled something like “No, I’m FUNNY”. It was a sick joke and I hate myself for saying this the first time we met but that’s the thing, my brain fumbles whenever I see a pretty lady. Maybe, all blood rushes out of my brain and goes somewhere else ;-).
But nevertheless, she laughed a little and said “Yeah, you ARE funny”. I loved the way she used to emphasize these words in between her sentences. Felt like she was wrapping her sentence in sugar candy and hitting me on my head with those handles.
I had visited her blog a few times before we met but her profile didn’t say much except that she’s a multi-faceted personality swaying to the emotions of her inner self. I didn’t really understand what she was trying to say but felt that that message was for me but in a code which my heart would decipher someday. Right now, everything was swaying from her thoughts and the beer that we had.
“You know Rakesh, Beer is Gods way of telling us he loves us and wants us to be happy” Jay said, and he dozed off there on the couch and I went back to my bed and dozed off.
Zzz… What the heck, I’ve even started dreaming about her, I think to myself deep in my sleep. I can hear her voice ringing in my years “Kehne ko jashne bahara hai, Ishq yeh dekh ke hairaan hai… You know Ria, I love this song and once I got a speeding ticket coz. I was listening to this song and didn’t realize the speed limit”
I was deep in my sleep and her voice seemed to vibrate in my ear tunnels and reach my brain. I started dreaming that I’m the officer and I ask her “License and papers maám”. She flashes me this cute big smile, (she really had a big smile, so big that I could enter her mouth and sit in one of the caves between her teeth) and says in her throaty seductive voice “C’mmon officer, I’m getting late for a meeting”. I tell her, “Ok maám, gimme your phone number instead…” Man, I’m wondering, why am I so cheesy even in my dreams? I mean I could’ve jumped into the passenger seat, it was only a dream and my dream, I should decide what happens there…
Neverthless, I hear her voice again “You know Ria, that officer was such an uptight a%#hole. He didn’t even listen to my requests” WHAT? I was shaken awake from my dream? I heard voices of her and Ria giggling in the kitchen. Ohhh man, she was talking to Ria and I was dreaming about what she was saying??? I shook these crazy thoughts out of my mind and got up and walked to the kitchen in the hope that hers is the first face I’ll see today morning. Just when I was about to enter the kitchen with that silly smile on my face, Suresh barges out of the kitchen and bumps into me.
“Suprabhatam. What’s with this smile today morning? Is Prem in love???” He says. This was his thing. He referred to everyone in third person with Prem as their pseudonym even while speaking to them directly. For instance, if he wanted to ask Jay what he was drinking, he’d say to Jay “What is Prem drinking???” and point to his drink while tweaking his eyebrows. We found that amusing but he was such a nice guy at heart.
“Go ask Prem” I grumbled to him and he went away smiling.
I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear Suresh’s picture from my brains in the hope to put her picture on a fresh canvas. I opened my eyes and saw Keshi standing bang in front of me with a puzzled look “Are you sleep walking?”
Forget it, there was no way I could put her on a blank canvas today. So I just entered the kitchen and saw her. There she was stirring that spoon in her coffee mug giggling away over something not very funny while talking to Ria (Ria actually never said anything funny, she always talked about how she spent her weekend; last weekend, we went for a party, this weekend we went for a movie, next weekend, I’m meeting my guy for dinner).
The early morning sunrays entered through the window and seemed to make a beeline for her. She seemed to attract all the sunlight in the room towards herself. The sun’s rays filtered through her hair and fell on the marble floor in artistic patterns. While giggling and sipping her coffee, she caught me staring at her from the corner of her eye.
I looked down immediately feeling guilty just like the time my dad caught me watching porn on the computer. I was in two minds whether to look up or to turn back and head for the bathroom. Suddenly, I had that urge for an early morning piss. But again her voice resonated in my ears “Good morning Laurel, where’s Hardy?” She was referring to Jay obviously. We actually did look like L&H when we stood together but when SHE said it, it seemed like a compliment. It seemed like she’s suggesting, “Come here Laurel, wrap me in your thin bony arms”.
I smiled and walked towards her forgetting the urge for that piss. It had to wait now that sunshine had spoken. I picked up a bottle of water and sat on the stool pretending to drink. The fact was my bladder was already bursting and I couldn’t risk putting any more water in it.
Me: “Good morning Nita, Hardy is still sleeping.”
Nita: “Oh good I met you, I wanted to talk to you about something really important.”
Me: “Me and Important don’t really go together, don’t you know?”
Nita: “Oh ya right, but I think you’re the only one who can help me.”
Me: “Sure, anything princess, just name it” I turned on my charming button. By now, I wasn’t aware if there was anyone else in the kitchen and even she didn’t seem to care.
She smiled “Princess, Ahan? See, that’s why I wanted to talk to YOU. Umm… I wanted to ask you… err… how do I?”
Me: “Oh C’mmon, Nita and shy? Don’t tell me.”
Nita: “Not shy silly, just feeling awkward. Can’t think of anything…”
She thought some more “Umm... Ok, YOU tell me, what would you say to someone if you really love her like crazy?”
It seemed like I’d waited for these words all my life. It seemed like everything was falling in place now but I had to pretend and appear cool. I couldn’t fold up and collapse in front of her just listening to her professing her love for me. So I played along.
Me: “What would I say? Hmm… can’t think of anything good right now, coz. you know I’ll have to give it a lot of thought” And the truth was at that time, my brain was buzzing with her sentence “LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY… LOVE HER… LOVE… LOVE”. I couldn’t sit straight, forget about thinking.
Me: “But why are you asking?” I asked, hoping to hear the most cherished words every guy dreams.
Nita stopped sipping the coffee, looked up into my eyes and smiled, my heart stopped and she said “It’s Valentines day right?”
Nita: “So I’ve to call my husband… and”
I didn’t hear a word after that, I think I have to go and piss after all…
VERDICT by the host:
awwww if only all men on Earth were as genuine and sweet as Rakesh is, I would be married by now with 5 kids, doing the dishes, washing clothes, working around the clock, cleaning the house 24/7, putting up with a Footy-obsessed husband that leaves empty beer bottles and wet towels on the floor etc. ehhh, maybe I'm better off with my binoculars and drooling on Rakesh as he drives to work every day, what say girls? I mean look at him! *ahem I think he's gonna be a long-term housemate of mine cos ya know I'm a very compassionate soul haha!* Ok I have to go to the loo now excuse me excuse...duh someone's hogging it for the past 3 hours! *rolling eyes*
THANKS a bunch Suresh and Rakesh for your brilliant imagination, warm company, precious time and very sweet gestures! You guys simply rock! I love having you here and it's a pleasure to have done a joint post with you. *hot smackers to ya from Keshaayyyy!* ;-) And don't go anywhere yet...cos you're still living with me and the rest, until all the others post their posts too. :)
Now all of you stay tuned for the other 4 hot housemates' and the silent Intruder's sizzling posts that will come later on!
Current Music: You're Beautiful by James Blunt