Wednesday, May 30

Seeking Sabbatical

Don't worry I'm not going to be in San Marino for the next 6 months although I wish I was. I feel I need a break from myself. I can be too demanding on myself you know. If you didn't already know I'm a perfectionist. I like everything around me to be perfect, be it my desk or my relationships with people. Though I can keep my desk perfect, I can't seem to keep my relationships perfect. I know that nothing is perfect in this world, but why do I always end up being left alone in the rain, crying my heart out? Every time I try to get closer to someone, something stupid happens and suddenly it's all over. And I'm the only one who seems to get hurt. The other person lives happily ever after when I'm still fighting demons from it all. From what I can see, the real problem is that I'm too open and sensitive. Whereas the people I come across seem to be quite the opposite. So we don't last that long. I don't want to change for them, cos I still do have few very close people that I care about and who love me for who I am. While I know that we can't please the whole world, and the whole world won't please us either, it's a tad too tiring when it happens again and again. Makes me wonder if Im destined for constant tears. People are so fake...plastic...frozen...incapable of loving. I give my heart to them but they give it back with stabs all over it. Life gives you false promises and leaves you chasing illusions. I lost my dad (the only person who took me as I am) when I was 16, I don't get along with someone who's very close to me, I recently threw some hissy fits with 2 of my cousins, told off a few friends, lost few for good, broke up with a guy who said he loves me but who went and got married to a 'rich' girl of his parents' choice, I see lies and mockery all around me....and I'm talking about PERFECT bonds? I must be crazy! Or it must be that I'm not destined for them. Some people are fortunate enough to have near-perfect bonds though...their lives are like the beautiful horizon across the ocean...so neat and crisp clear. Whereas some others have to work hard just to keep it looking decent. I belong to the latter.


I want a sabbatical for my broken heart. A break from being broken. So for a change, should I start breaking hearts now? Right now my heart is broken beyond repair and no surgeon can fix it. The world is too fast to stop by and ask you if you're doing ok. They might attend your funeral but they never check on you when you're alive. What's the point? But I'm not afraid to admit I'm broken, lonely and that sometimes I cry. Cos it tells me I have a heart. And I cried buckets last night. Am I the only one?



Current Music: I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner

127 Cranium Signets:

lee said...

No, you're not the only one. I'm sure a lot of us get like that from time to time. I know I do. I send to you a big squeezy cuddle and hope that things will improve.It is an almost scary thing to realise that it is entirely possible that we could go through the rest of our lives and not find the real(true)and unconditional love that we seek and need from others -that reality can cause pain-as you know.But it's wise to remember that just because you may not be receiving that love, or it might seem out of reach at the moment, it doesn't mean that you are not worthy of it or undeserving of it.Never forget that.

javagirl1111 said...

Yes, Keshi... I have felt your pain in a little way. I remember when my fiance left me and broke my heart... I thought I would never be the same. I learned something though... just keep giving, keep loving, and get up the next day and put one foot in front of the other. And Keshi, someday, when you least expect it, true love will tap you on the shoulder. And in the meantime...keep a good voodoo doll for all those jerks!

Anonymous said...

u r not the only one
now does that make u happy?

javagirl1111 said...

Hey Keshi,

Wanna know a secret... I started a blog that noone knows about (haha till now) and put a couple of songs I wrote when I was going through it all... some when I was still in love and a few when I was so hurt. I don't have alot up there, and there's more I need to post, but you're welcome to take a look.

www.songsfrommysoul.blogspot.com

The pic is of me and him, and for some wierd reason, it helps me to still have one place to express my feelings???

Anyway, rest of the story too... I don't trust him, but he's apologized his butt off, and keeps in touch with me now... it's them Keshi not us. Your guys will come crying back to you, because they don't know what they want, but don't fall for it... just choose a nice steady one, and you'll see how different it is (though the bad boy definitely has a pull ARGHHH!).

Anonymous said...

Love is great
but while u r waiting for the right man

sex is a good substitute

- Woody Allen I think

Anonymous said...

A really hard laugh is like sex—one of the ultimate diversions of existence." (Jerry Seinfeld)

"If sex isn't a joke, what is?" (Nella Larsen)

"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax." (Scott Roeben)


"I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes." (Anonymous)

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing." (Charles Bukowski)

"Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite." (Germaine Greer)

"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it." (Anonymous)

"For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches." (Stacy Nelkin)

"Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes." (Marilyn Sokol)

"During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else." (Richard Lewis)

"There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be." (Norman Mailer)

"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes." (Scott Roeben)



"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook." (Quentin Crisp)


I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading.

Anonymous

"Nothing makes you forget about love like sex." (Staci Beasley)


"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them." (Kevin Costner, Tin Cup)

"I'm a great lover, I'll bet." (Emo Philips)


"I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible." (Leslie Nielsen)

"I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me." (Scott Roeben)


"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

"Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing." (Phyllis Diller)

"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other." (Jane Austen)

"If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right." (Anonymous)

"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn." (Garrison Keillor)

"Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs." (George Carlin)

Anonymous said...

when i was young
i was lonely too

we were 3 brothers
and we never had girls visit at home as we had no sisters

to make matters worse i had a very high sex drive

i was going crazy i was falling in love with a every girl that made eyes at me

then i paid for my sex and got over it

in india as u know sex is not free
u had to marry the girl if u wanted to sex her

Anonymous said...

there is no greater love than btw father and daughter and mother and son


most marriages fail bcoz he/she was not able to match his/her mom/dad

mine too

Anonymous said...

when u seek perfection
u r asking too much

u will never find all the desirable characteristics in one man

u will have to marry a dozen or more

prioritize your expectations

Anonymous said...

the other reason for failure is sexual incompatibility

u want to sex all through the night
he/she wants to sleep

and boring sex, missionary all the time not wanting to experiment, sexual hang ups

Keshi said...

ty Lee **hugs**

Its scary...yes...I dun wanna be alone...cos right now I have my mum and few friends that who truly care abt me. But time proves that not every r'ship is forever...and it's pretty scary indeed.


**it doesn't mean that you are not worthy of it or undeserving of it

ty Lee that really made me breathe a sigh of relief. ur an angel!


-----------------------------------

Javagirl u r so very sweet! ty for that site addy...it's unbelievably BEAUTIFUL. Im gonna be regular there if u dun mind :) U made my day btw.


** I thought I would never be the same.

When he broke the news to me (after 5yrs of seeing each other) I felt like Im NOTHING. That no one is REAL. That I've been put into a selfish world of false ppl. I really thought I'd never b the same again. But since that last breakup, I have completely swicthed off...it seems like it. Its been a while but it seems like I dun trust anymore.

That pic of u and him is just beautiful! u 2 look so very happy together. how did it go wrong?


**you, because they don't know what they want, but don't fall for it

there's no going bak for me sweetie. He's married now.

ty so much for being here for me. HUGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Anony heyy!

**u r not the only one
now does that make u happy?

nah it makes me sadder...that more ppl suffer like me.


-----------------------------------

Anony heyy!


**sex is a good substitute

Im not as shallow as that. I dun like to cheat my feelings.

btw this isnt abt SEX.


-----------------------------------

Hello Anony!


**prioritize your expectations

nope..I dun look for too many things in a person. My perfection is being imperfect...being real...being natural...and not alot of ppl r like that. The problem is ppl I mean set their criteria...such as wealth etc etc. I only hv a pure heart to give...not many ppl want that.




Keshi.

chocolteluva said...

oh and everytime i think "it cant get worse" .. it does. so i havent gotten a break yet --- hopefully u get one. =) just dont think it cant get worse.. cause u know it always does..

Anonymous said...

in India marriages are forever
and the couple knows it

if u want out there is no way particularly for women

so the romance stops
u r taken for granted

and he is ripe for the picking
at the office he meets beautiful girls who flirt with him

SMS calls, net romance
and soon he is spending more time away from home

he comes home only for food and sleep

the wife soon finds out
but she cant do nothing

he may even seek divorce
if he has really flipped

Anonymous said...

love and sex go hand in hand in marriage

u cant compartmentalize the two
if there is no love there is no sex and vice versa

Anonymous said...

Sorry Keshi

nobody visits SEX COUNSELLOR
so i brought u guys the stuff here for all to read

there is no subsitute for experience

if u want to know more how to make a marriage work

ask VEST he has been married for more than 50 years

though he did sow a lotta wild oats before marriage

read his book waving goodbye to a 1000 flies

Sugarlips said...

Keshi sometimes when we least expect, good things happens :)


Stay Beautiful...!

javagirl1111 said...

Awwww! You're welcome... anytime. And I'll have to add some more of my songs!

How??? I guess he was just too young and freaked out about marriage and money and etc, that's what he tells me. Then to make matters worse, fought with my Dad... really he just complicated everything. So, I'm not angry with him anymore; he's apologized over and over, but next time around... I'm getting married to a MAN!!! Not a boy! Maybe sounds harsh, but seriously, it's not fun to be someone's babysitter, Always comforting, never being comforted. Too much drama for me. Though a part of my heart still loves him and m/b always will... AND GIRL I HEAR YOU ABOUT THE DEAD FEELING PART!!! OMG I've been there!!! It's taken awhile, but I'm starting to get feelings back! It took so long though! I felt so weird, b/c I'd go out with awesome guys and be like WHATEVER!

And married or not, you'll hear from your *#@ ex(if you get my gist) someday! Mark my words... sad, but I betcha I'm right.

Welllll, newayz! Hugz to you too (and hope you don't mind I wrote you a book here! lol)

Keshi said...

Choco ty!

** just dont think it cant get worse.. cause u know it always does..

and tnxx for being so honest. I know it always seem to get worse for some reason. Now I just dun pay attention. Atleast that way I can try n stay happy.


-----------------------------------

Saby heyy!

**he comes home only for food and sleep

then he must be some house dog.


**love and sex go hand in hand in marriage

they do...but this post isnt abt sex..thats wut I was saying.


**if u want to know more how to make a marriage work

FYI Saby Im still single! If I get married, believe me I wudnt want tips to survive it. Cos either its gonna be the right one or I'll remain single all my life.


-----------------------------------

Suga it happens to me too...but all the good things seem to die soon.



-----------------------------------


Javagirl u write pen down deep feelings so neatly.


**I'm getting married to a MAN!!! Not a boy!

Totally agreed! So he was much younger than u I guess...and men take longer to mature hehe. Anyways I believe it's all for the best. U deserve a MAN...not a baby.


**And married or not, you'll hear from your *#@ ex(if you get my gist) someday!

:) Karma does follow u ard ha...ur right there.



**book

lol no worries sweetie. I write libraries here so I love book comments hahaha! Have a good day urself!



Keshi.

WP2007 said...

Hi Keshi

Taking a break sounds good. I'll be taking a break after we work our butts off 14 hours a day for 10 days.

My next post will be the last one I'll be writing for the next 3 weeks. I have written 15 posts to cover the 3 weeks.

Have a great break.

See you in the funny papers.

Hugs

Bev

curryegg said...

Keshi....
BE STRONG!
I'll always support you and I believe that all of us will too. Sometimes, life is hard although it is short. Anyway, we should try to live a better life and don't let your ex look down on you. Show him/them that you can live without him/them.
I was cheated by my ex before. He look for another girl while he was still with me. He lied in both side. Soon,we broke up. At that moment, I was still having my big exam. Did badly.
I know the feeling is bad. It was hard to stand up immediately. Just take your time.
*hug hug*

Gambate keshi!

Menchie said...

Speaking as someone who's been there and survived, I can tell you...This too shall pass. And when it does, you'll wonder why you spent a lot of time mourning.

And with the benefit of hindsight, you'll realize you're better off. That the problem is not you and maybe not him or them, but something else entirely. Or maybe you'll just smile and think..."God, thank YOU for not letting me end up with him!"

Keshi said...

Bev hey I dun mean takin a break from blogging...cos then I'd die. :)

**I have written 15 posts to cover the 3 weeks.

wow thats neat. I'll be missin u tho.


-----------------------------------

Curryegg Im so sorry he cheated on ya...thats awful. He'll always be a cheater n that'll wreck his life some day. What a sad state to be in.

Im glad u've come out unscathed. HUGGGGGGGZ! And TY!


**Gambate keshi!

I'd love to know wut that means. Im guessing it's ur mother tongue?

-----------------------------------

Menchie MWAHH!

**God, thank YOU for not letting me end up with him!"

I already realised that sweetie. He was not worth it. He was just a big waste of time. If in all those years he had the guts to tell me that he didnt know what LOVE was or didnt know how to LOVE, I'd have saved so much time n energy. Thats my only regret.



Keshi.

Jay said...

Relationships can go bad so quickly. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done to save them. It always hurts, but eventually we move on.

Keshi said...

Jay ty!

yes moving on is the hardest bit...tho we keep telling ourselves we have moved on.


Keshi.

Deepthi said...

keshi a frnd tld me once that when u in a realationship try and enjoy it as a whole..till it lasts...that gives us a sense of happiness...moving on is hard however..try and see yourself 2 years frm now or say 1 year..u would smile at the silly you....loves..and hugzz babes...

Nora said...

You know you're not the only one, but it doesn't help does it?

Stay strong, gorgeous girl - one day (soon) you'll come out the other end wiser, stronger and even more beautiful than you are. x

Jeevan said...

Are you the only one?… won’t said that, here too a one just suppressing his wishes and loving inside that where never understand and felt by the closed ones, even it was shown to those. How many trusties words that were deceived; when disappointment was become a familiar one, thinking and worrying about it is not good for us, but sometime when it over to our sense, it expose from our control.

Make you mind peace and come soon dear… Hugsss:)

curryegg said...

Gambate is in japanese...
Means work hard!
haha... just know a few Japanese words.
If in Chinese: Jia Yui.

Kumar Chetan said...

last time I felt there is Love and Peace it was actually end of a hindi movie

Lisa Francisco aka AVIANA said...

Hi Chicki!

I can't write a long comment right now because i just got home from moving a bunch of boxes. It is 12:54 am my time in DC! I have to be at work at 6:00am!

I briefly read your post. It's eery but I think you and me are twins in this sense of failed relationships.

It's gonna be a long comment so I'll write at work tomorrow Ok?!

the move is horrible!!!!!!

Muah!!!!

DJ said...

People are so fake...plastic...frozen...incapable of loving.
yeah... these are the ones who hurt most...

But I'm not afraid to admit I'm broken, lonely and that sometimes I cry. Cos it tells me I have a heart. And I cried buckets last night. Am I the only one?
crying is nothing but pain leaving the body... that's what i realised very recently... when things are not under your control and you want to forget someone, all you can do is cry out the person... with the tears goes away the memories of broken heart...

a funny game life is... isn't it? the amount of happiness in this world is a constant... if someone has to get it all, the other person only gets none... it can never be distributed evenly in the world...

take care... days are never going to be the same... :)

Dalicia said...

oh well..we all have to feel much pain before we can be happy. but that makes us strong. which explains my negative feelings towards people.

really can't advice you about love.
coz, u know i'm single too. i don't want to think too much about it coz i have other problems and worries.

there's no medicine for a broke heart. but time does heal :)

Jewel Rays said...

Feels like you are speaking the secret thoughts in my mind keshi.Haiz..

I am Think i am like ya. I wish for a perfect bond which often end up leaving me dissapointed. People are just not perfect.

I am now at the point where i don't want to control my self, emotions, feelings etc. I wanna have the chance they gladly had. but yet again, i find it colliding with the very nature of myself. Just makes u wanna cry sometimes. They say people come and go. I started to believe that only to find the strings too faintly attached to not be sometihng i can depend or keep till the end.

*Hugs*

~Jewel Rays

DICEY said...

I think cannot be more comforting than the bloggers who posted before me. Anyway, I hope you'll be better soon.

Ekta said...

well...all i can say...Its ok to cry and let it all out

Geet said...

Hey Keshi,

I know not what to tell you, I'm feeling jaded myself too.

I wish I could say it will all work out, but I don't know that for a fact.

Hang in there, and reach out for those ties which are binding.
It helps.

Hugggs.

Aditi said...

it always seems like it doesnt it..that ppl devastate our worlds and it barely matters to them whether we exist or not or the devastation they left behind in their wake.. recently the harder i tried to keep a relationship working the worse it got till in the end my efforts were the reason the friendship ended...the biggest irony of my life..

Iceman said...

u r not the only one... I can say that pretty confidently... Every one has an experience... Only the real lucky souls get spared!

no point in bleeding urself or crying tears of blood! i know it sinks u completely!

At one point of time, not so long ago, I wished some one could hide me in their bosom, protect me from everything. And give me all the love in the world! I found the best person to do that! Myself!

Just remember...
There's only one true love... "Self Love"!

I can put woteva life has taught me till now in 3 simple words... "It Goes on!"

So... take a break... reinvent ur self... rejuvenate ur soul, I know the scars wont go! Fall in love with urself! Take care of urself and b back with a bang!

So get started! One step at a time... The first one being the toughest... Forgiving urself! Home is not so far as u feel right now Keshi! Its so close, u just have to get started!!!

Keshi... lotsa love 2 u... All the very best! Longing 2 see a brand new Keshi... soon!

der Bergwind said...

frozen.. is a nice song.. but hey!! the heartz already a four piece structure- broken- biologically... so lady.. don break it into smaller pieces..

lotta gyan n wisdom can be thrown on this subject n lotta questions n debates done but life ultimately stops for none n the choices we make if wrong need to just be a part of our story n not the end of it..
tears r valuable don waste 'em for sumone who aint worth it- have written this earlier also..
keep the mind clean.. move on n trust me, its still worth a shot.. the juice is worth the squeeze!! lifez beautiful... just gonna wait for it... tears n rain mix well.. have also felt the trickles of both.. have also cried but then now... its like a mistake that i had made n it just my problem nah?? toughen up lady!! chase the winds n musik n open up to the world coz.... hez just out there sumwhere nah!!! alles gute!!

Iceman said...

On a lighter note, "Home" is just below where my comment appears on ur page when u accept it! Isn't it? It is actually! :P

Poo said...

Hi Keshi ****HUGZZZZ****

***I can't seem to keep my relationships perfect.***

Even i’ve had failed relationship but I never gave up in looking for the perfect guy for me. People would usually stay in their relationships even when they’re not happy but I always preferred to ‘get out’ as soon as I could.

And I’m not ashamed of saying about my break ups I’ve had because in my life, I would rather start all over again and again until I find what I want.

Of course people think that I can easily fall in and out of love but I don’t care because it’s my feelings…not theirs.

I’m the one who gets hurt and sometimes I’m the one who needs to hurt someone to get through this life. And I’m not afraid of that so-called ‘what goes around comes around’ because I’ve always prepared myself to pay the price of my own mistakes.

I have seen miserable couples and some still stay in their relationships even though they’re being abused by their partners. But what for?

If the relationship thrives, the success is due to the actions and efforts of both partners. If the relationship fails, the failure usually is the result of the individuals in it discovering that they are incompatible. When it fails, both partners have a hand in it, even though each will be quick to blame the other for the failure - KARMA

**People are so fake... plastic...frozen... incapable of loving**

If you don’t make the effort to value yourself, might as well just kill yourself because no one else will appreciate you if you don’t make the effort to love yourself.

Vest said...

Excert from my book,W G B T A T Flies, CHAPTER 55
Fifty Years
Our Golden Wedding anniversary celebrations on 21 June 2003 went well. Mary and I were very pleased. I thought Mary looked very beautiful. She was complimented by most of my former shipmates, who suggested she looked more like my daughter. The dinner was excellent and our friends and relatives were well turned out and very polite to one another. The reason for the niceties was the imposing presence of my ex-naval friends and their partners, who did their level best to be as pleasant as was possible. My good friend, Harry delivered a complimentary speech. Every one enjoyed the good quality dance music. Mary danced with all five sons and every other male person at the party. Our sons were photographed with us displaying happy smiles, although their shaven heads and dark clothing reminded me of the TV family ‘The Sopranos.”
I was quite surprised when Bruce turned up at the club looking quite fit and healthy. Bruce told me he had met his wife, Shirley at the Lady Jane Nudist beach in outer Sydney, where he said she had fallen in love with him at first sight. He said it was a match made in heaven, as Shirley was young and beautiful, owned a logging business in Tasmania, and was ‘stinking rich.’ Bruce told me that he and Shirley had been married nearly eleven years, and had three daughters aged ten, nine and eight. This had apparently kept him celibate six months out of twelve during the first three years of marriage; however, visits to the logging sites to check out the female office staff were always rewarding. He had heard that they referred to him as ‘Mr Whopper’ or ‘Hoss the Boss.’
Bruce told me that he intended to stay a few days, as he was interested in learning a few new dance procedures that Miss Twinkletoes had promised to teach him. If his energy permitted, he would also call on a few other ladies to whom he had been enamoured in the past.
My beautiful Mary put on a sporty smile and introduced Bruce as Mr Bruce Kranski from Tasmania, which raised a few eyebrows and a lot of giggles. After eyeballing our five sons who looked as tough as nails, Bruce told me he would keep a low profile in their presence. Mary later told me Bruce had said something quite explicit but complimentary to her and that his mere presence and past reputation left her weak at the knees. I have not heard from Bruce since our 50th.
Vest here, it will be our 54th wed/ anniversary on the 20th of june. My wife Rosemary said we can have sex that night, I asked "With who"?

RamaG said...

I'd say better go to San Marino for a month long vacation. It'd do you a whole lot of good and take your mind away from depressing thoughts. Maybe after that you'll approach everything from a fresh mindset.

Save your tears for those who have really made a difference in your life and to those...you should try and make a difference. Those are the only ones you should really care about.

I know you're a strong lady and I'm sure you'll overcome this easily.

BTW, I updated my blog with some pics of my younger days, you might wanna take a look at it. :-)

Take care,

-Ram.

Ghost Particle said...

there is too much pain in the world that no one stops to realize and lend a shoulder.

You deserve to stop, or pause for the world, dont care and be cruel.

BUt not stopping might be more satisfying. Ppl asked me to get a new life, but then I cant, we are not born to change lives.

Peter said...

Reading through all this, I believe you can say that in a certain way you have a lot of friends (although to some extent anonymous and deviaitng from your subject)!

I'm a widow since some six years and my closest friends from my youth are back in Sweden, where I left them some 30 years ago. Today I feel the best relationship with my grandchildren - and of course my own children. Apart from that, do I have any real friends or are they just people who you enjoy meeting now and then?

What is a real friend? Maybe you require too much? But we are all different. ... also the age helps you to be more realistic - or to lose your illusions... and to live with it.

Tomorrow will be a better day!!!

niki sato said...

keshi-chan virtual love will not hurt u :)
i dont need a realy bf. muahhh

Akshay said...

Keshi, You are not alone in this. I am also going through the same thing. You give everything to a person and at the end all you get is disappointment.

Btw why are some of the comments to this post related to sex? Couldn't quite understand this. Take it easy babes.

Vikas said...

First of all >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< >:D< calm down friend :)

Now let me tell ur not the one in this world . If u look arround you there are lots of ppl who feel the same.Keshi u must accept this fact that we live the world where you want even get "free smile".Because life has turned in such way. Dont let others to hurt you.Be that strong to protect your self.Crying is not the solution for the problem.

Remember the one who will love you with true heart will never leave you in any circumstances. So always keep grading process ON in your life .

Take Care
Vikas{v}

Trinnie said...

hewwo keshi!
first of all, *hugs*

all i want to say to u is im happy that u have the ability to cry and at least let go of a few worries, and burdens and feel lighter that way. the past 2 years life hasnt treated me very kindly and in a way i am happy to be awre of how tough life can get. but u know i lost one thing in that process. i dont think i can cry anymore. i am overtaken by sadness, guilt, fear and regret and i try to shed afew tears to feel lighter. but tears dont come. and its good to cry. i know i digress from the gist of ur post, but 'nothing lasts forever, not even the bad times'. i mightve said this before and sorry for the repetition.

umm...maybe u cud expect a little less perfection from life...!
be happy, girl!
*hugs again*
:)

Charles said...

Who knows what love is? For sure the only relationship you will have is with yourself. As for sabaticals, a few months by yourself might be a good thing, just don't get too used to it, its addictive. Its been around 9 years for me. Nobody nagging, no one to check up on, checking up on you, freedom to do as you please, actually finding happiness comes from inside you not from someone else, are some of the reasons you might find you like it too much.

I've always liked that song, it has passion, and in some ways I feel its message, but the people who feel that way just may be broken in that regard, in that to feel that way, you obviously didn't get the love you needed as a child. I'm one of them.

Take solace in the fact that things are as they are should be, otherwise they would be different, and we wouldn't notice the difference.

Justine said...

don't lose heart, Keshi. There are people who love you, and there will be more people in future, too.

But, so broken hearted you sound!
:( does it have anything to do with walking past an old friend's wedding on the weekend?

Shionge said...

I hear you Keishi...

We all hear you......

I am sorry you are feeling this way and I've been hurt before too dear pal and no, my relationship has not been picture perfect too Keshi.

No matter what...I can say that things happened or not happened for a reason..still I believe this is not what you want to hear but I trust & believe that you'll come around be yourself again.

Let it all out sweetie and let us feel your positive vibes again :)

Take care and love you much.

lemonade said...

Aww kesh..this too shall pass..

ps:sorry..m really bad at comforting people..i never know the right thing to say..
tc babe..

Kavi said...

Give it time.be yourself. Things, am sure will turn around ! Just be yourself and surrender to the process of being yourself and meeing somebody who is himself at some point in time !! You are a lovely person and am sure there is someone waiting !

St. Dickeybird said...

A sabattical is good. That seems to be when you'll meet "him."
:)

Enigma© said...

It not only you who's under such situations dear. many of us are. its jus that people lack selflessness and fail to recognise the love and affection from the other person and tend to use ppl like u or me.. its a bad bad world where we've got to live good..

Lisa Francisco aka AVIANA said...

HI Chicki!

I just wrote a super long comment and i deleted it! i'm pissed! it took me 30 minutes to write it!

anyhow, i've always had issues when it comes to relationships. i don't have them.... whenever i meet a new person, i always count down the days until we fall out...

simply because i don't expect anyone to stay because i don't have a constant person in my life except for my mother....everyone leaves my life whether it's my fault or theirs

i think it comes from the fact that i am an only child who was the kid that got bullied in school.
i don't have a childhood friend.

my ex-best friend from high school recently found me. we were like sisters in high school and then we went to college together. since she was the more popular outgoing one, she easily made friends and our relationship ended... i was hurt but moved on...

almost 10 years later she did a myspace search and found me online. i signed up on myspace years ago and forgot about it. i thought it was weird since only my first name pops up. she told me that she emailed the 1 person i had signed up as a friend to see if it's me. it took some effort on her part....i briefly emailed her back. she was genuinely excited to hear from me...me not so much....

i remembered the person i was back then, insecure, pessimistic, aggressive, dependent... all things i don't like...i've tried so hard to not be that person but i think i'm fearful because one side of me is still that person...i'm working overtime to be the opposite...

anyhow, my relationships in life have failed. i start thinking why is this always happening to me...although i've built up this defense based on my experience on expecting the other person to leave...part of me still feels hurt when that silent day comes and their feet walk away....

i just had a close friend of mine silently walk away from our friendship a couple of months ago....i'm still thinking about it...we've been friends for 10 years...she's outgoing, superfriendly, exciting, easy to get along with...everything i aspire to be...and at times i wondered why we were friends...then she told me that she was inspired by me on how i'm choosing to live my life for me, i'm pursuing my music dreams and not willing to settle...

and you would think i would fight for this friendship...guess what...i'm not...i'm lettting it be

i've realized and hope you come to the realization that the friends who leave us broken hearted are not attracted by us/me...i think it's me being attracted to them...wishing i was more selfish, thought more of my well-being, not caring if i hurt that person, moving on very easily....

trick is..is to take those aspects that we are unconsciously attracted to and make it our own by being more selfish and thinking about ourselves and not hurting others at the same time....it's a hard balance...

unless it is family, in your case, your father, people are not willing to stick around....

but i can't abuse the people who are more inclinded to stay simply because they are family....

i don't want to fight my demons, be aggressive, argumentative, moody...i don't want to have a broken heart....i don't want to leave a trail of failed relationships...

be positive chicki....start changing from inside....if you want the positive, you must genuinely transform yourself inside so that the outside transforms itself for you so that only positive friends come to you.....

try to live with a heart made up of a smiling sun inside you.....it's difficult....but if the inside of you is bright, warm, and sunny then the outside will be only blue clear skies around..... :)

Ramya said...

That's a beautiful song and no when you have all these ppl including me telling u that you aren;t the only one.
Cheer up girl !
Life's better & worth more than shedding tears ! :)

WP2007 said...

Sorry Keshi

Thought you needed a break. LOL


Should of known better.


I read your post to fast. LOL

_________

Overture, curtains, lights,
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, you'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it

Tonight what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it

Bugs Bunny

LOL

Bev

Asha said...

I feel ya Kesh! Hugs and take care.
Life sucks sometimes but there is always a silver line somewhere in the horizon.Hang in there darling.

Nadim said...

' I give my heart to them but they give it back with stabs all over it.'

stabs means you have a passionate heart, not a stone dead one. and as long as you have one thats passionate, you will be hurt. wear stabs like ornaments. the more u have, more is the passion in your life! the deeper the stabs are, deeper you have lived your life!
Im not going to say, something wonderful will definitely happen in the nearest future but the probability of happening is usually always encouraging. If it doesnt, you will have to get used to the fact that you will be hurt again n again. But it think its a reasonable bargain (atleast for me!)for a passionate life!
When you look back after 30 yrs you will see that you have tried to live your life to the fullest!

or, you can try acting like a shallow and cold hearted bitch. But I doubt it will help you in the immediate future! It takes a lot of time and effort or a heart torn to million pieces. I hope you dont.

Pankaj Gupta said...

hi KESHI..so long ..how r u..kya chal raha hai dear..
i am fine..

umm this is really touching Reality which u hav tired to EXPRESs..i totally agree with YOU.
"Though I can keep my desk perfect, I can't seem to keep my relationships perfect".
i think Life(anyones) hv sm pros and cons..but its Really Very Diffcult to gt Stable bith in mind and lives..if u will lose someone ..very close to ur heart..(soory for ur Father..)

we will with you..you r a brave gul..be that..
be positive..
you shld gv a hit at back on tht guy..bloddy...

Andrew The Asshole said...

I'm a foreigner and I can love you!! Lets start with some coffee. I have a mentor that would always tell me that if you go to bus stop another bus will be coming by every 15 - 20 minutes. I had an x-bitch (x-girlfriend) that was a bad break up and its really their loss.

Art said...

u and ur loved ones only will take u out of this pain.. This pain will remain for sometime.. But just feel lucky that u have people whom u can go to.. and that they are there to support u.. Wish u come out of this pretty soon.. and be happy as ever..

Geeta said...

Trust me Keshi you are not the only one...I have gone through it... More than once..

People come and go in our lives without realizing the impact they leave...

AT times I do feel like going on a male bashing exercise.... ;)

Fools...

Ash said...

This too shall pass.

Enjoy your break and be back soon!

The Phoenix said...

You need a vacation...somewhere tropical.

toby said...

Ah yes, the one that got away. :(
But if he got away, he can't have been the right one! You have yet to meet him, which means you have the best to come...
Exciting thought, no?

Little Miss Muffet said...

oh don't worry.. we all feel like that at some time or the other..and one day, it will be a thing of the past..u will be with someone really special, who appreciates u for what u are and accepts u that way...i had to be patient for my special one too :) about others, u cannot do anything but just know that if they really care, they will accept u for the person u are..smile :D

Aidan said...

You not alone, we all go throuh stages of love and loneliness. Perfect bonds are un obtainable, because people are inherently flawed. We are not perfect, we cannot achieve perfection.

You have a lot of people out there who really respect you, you ave 90 comments a post, a lot of people are interested in you and what you have to offer. Eventually you will find someone who treats you right. Maybe it's where you are looking. Where would you go to meet guys? Pubs and Clubs, guys are generaly interested in one thing... Guys and Sex aside, people of the world are really hurting, people have no hope, a buried under debt, and just live hand to mouth i see it every day. They hurt just as much.

Good luck Keshi.
If you want a sympathetic ear
aidan_i@hotmail.com

Please dont be offended if i take a while to respond i generaly forget to check it:)

KK said...

Hey Keshi! Put things behind and spring back to your normal Keshi that we all know. I know its difficult, but being sad is not yourself... so gather yourself and spring back. And show the people who hurt you that their hurt didnt mean anything or deter you in any way. Show them Keshi is a strong person. C'mon Keshi pull your self up.

hugs, if that will make you feel better.

cathy said...

nobody has a perfect relationship, if they claim to, they are lying either to you or to themselves.

broken hearts don't need doctors, they mend of their own accord and become stronger in the process.

If some guy preferred cash to your love rejoice in his desertion, you had a lucky escape.

s'all for now but there's plenty more where that came from. you know where to find me, right?!

The Phosgene Kid said...

You're a perfectionist, no wonder you like me so much!!

Margie said...

Dear Keshi
Life's been so very, very busy for me,and I've had no time to visit you lately.
But, I'm here now.
I'm so sorry you are so sad...
I hope so much you'll be smiling and happy again soon.

Whenever I am feeling sad and blue, I go to a peaceful and quiet place and think of all the blessings in my life.

Before I go I just want to leave this....

REST

Are you very weary, very sad?
Rest a little bit....
in some quiet place...rest, be peaceful and sit.

Do not let the trials that have grieved you all the day
haunt this quiet place....
Drive them all away!

Let your heart grow empty of every thought unkind....
that peace may hover round you...
and joy may fill your mind!

Count all your blessings...
I'm sure they are not just a few...
that have been bestowed upon you.

Soon you'll feel so rested...
Glad you stopped a bit...
in this quiet, peaceful place...
where you have gone to rest and sit.
___________________________________

I'm heading out to see my son's ballgame now, but I'll be thinking of you and thinking good thoughts about you.

Take care of yourself Sweetie.
I send lots of HUGGGGGGGZ!

Luv you!
Margie

Keshi said...

hey Deepthi ty!

**when u in a realationship try and enjoy it as a whole..till it lasts

yes cos nothing lasts forever...



-----------------------------------

ty Nora!


**You know you're not the only one, but it doesn't help does it?


yep ur absolutely right there...it doesnt help...cos it makes me sadder that more ppl r feeling the same way...


-----------------------------------

Jeevan ty!

** when disappointment was become a familiar one, thinking and worrying about it is not good for us

I know...but sometimes it just hits me hard.


-----------------------------------

Curryegg ty :)


**work hard

thats funny cos I have worked too hard...actually over the limit...even when in love...but the results were disappointing.


-----------------------------------

hey Kumar hows it goin?

**last time I felt there is Love and Peace it was actually end of a hindi movie

I so know wut u mean.


-----------------------------------


Lisa HUGGGGGGGGZ! I ty for taking the time to write to me amidst ur busy schedule...u r so sweet u know!

Ur story is alot like mine...when I meet someone, it's like Im counting the days to when it's gonna end. Its that PREDICATBLE! I dunno if u know my Mr.Darcy story but when I first met him (even tho later he turned out to b a jerk), it was like this is too good to be true! And it was.


**and you would think i would fight for this friendship...guess what...i'm not...i'm lettting it be

Im glad abt it Lisa. Dun die over someone who's walking away from u. If u were not in the wrong, just let it go. If it's meant to be, it'll be. ***HUGS***


Like u, I only have one TRUE friend...she's my mum. And cos she's my mum, she's my TRUE friend :)


**being more selfish and thinking about ourselves and not hurting others at the same time

To a certain degree thats so true..I mean that makes u stronger...


**transform yourself inside so that the outside transforms itself for you so that only positive friends come to you

I like wut u said here. It's so true. I feel like Im a jerk-magnet and its cos I havent transformed within. I attract alot of HURTERS. It's time I fix that. TY for this Lisa...u truly opened my eyes!

now I owe u one chica!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

DJ u make so much sense with all ur comments. TY!


**when things are not under your control and you want to forget someone, all you can do is cry out the person...

Thats so true...I cried alot of ppl out from my heart...that really is the only way.


**if someone has to get it all, the other person only gets none...

so true. It's like everyone gets something but not everything.


-----------------------------------

Dalicia ty sweetie!


**i don't want to think too much about it coz i have other problems and worries.

I dun wanna 'think' abt it too, but my mind doesnt let me forget...


Time does heal..but it leaves mental scars.

-----------------------------------

Amy ***HUGS***


**I wanna have the chance they gladly had. but yet again, i find it colliding with the very nature of myself

Same here...I feel exactly like u!


I think no matter what we cant change the true nature of us...


-----------------------------------


ty Dicey MWAH!





Keshi.

Keshi said...

Ekta crying makes u feel much better, its true...but it doesnt take away the pain altogether...sometimes I just cant cry...even tho I wanna...it's a strange feeling...


Huggggggggz to ya girl!

-----------------------------------

Geet u dun hv to tell me anything dear, just being here helps...ty so much n HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Hello Aditi!


**recently the harder i tried to keep a relationship working the worse it got till in the end my efforts were the reason the friendship ended.

Its strange isnt it. Its the same with me. One of my closest cousins blew up with me...rather I blew up with him...all cos I was trying hard to be 'good' with him and all the while he was laughing at me at my expense. Go figure! why do ppl do that?


-----------------------------------

Gee tnxx Iceman ur so sweet. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


**Self-love

In a way dun we all care abt others cos we wanna be GOOD ppl? Its still self-love in a way...isnt it.


**Home" is just below where my comment appears on ur page when u accept it! Isn't it? It is

:) I didnt get that...sorry. Plz explain hehe.


-----------------------------------

ty Bergwind!


** life ultimately stops for none n the choices we make if wrong need to just be a part of our story n not the end of it..

I agree...right or wrong, it's part of our story. But what if I didnt even have a choice?


-----------------------------------

Poo HUGGGGGGGZ hows ya?


**People would usually stay in their relationships even when they’re not happy but I always preferred to ‘get out’ as soon as I could

Im the same...I just walk out. I cant live a lie.


**When it fails, both partners have a hand in it, even though each will be quick to blame the other for the failure - KARMA

Poo I agree with this...but its not true with all cases...cos take a look at my last r'ship...he left me for his parents' choice..so who's fault is it?


**If you don’t make the effort to value yourself, might as well just kill yourself because no one else will appreciate you if you don’t make the effort to love yourself.


I know...I can feel ya Poo. But just know that no one needs to appreciate urself. like u said, if u can love urself, that's all that matters. TC sweetie n Im blowing kisses ur way...MUACKKKZ!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Vest nice story there...ty!

So Bruce was a bit of a flirt...hehehe.

**Vest here, it will be our 54th wed/ anniversary on the 20th of june. My wife Rosemary said we can have sex that night, I asked "With who"?

How d u mean? Im sorry I didnt get that.


-----------------------------------

Rama tnxx I will be there soon!


**Save your tears for those who have really made a difference in your life and to those

I wish I can put a condition around my tears...but I cant :( Can u?


-----------------------------------

Ghosty I know wut u mean...

I just stopped by to ask u this...HOW R U? :)


**Ppl asked me to get a new life, but then I cant, we are not born to change lives.

true...we cant suddenly have a NEW life with all the OLD memories still in us...


-----------------------------------

Peter ty!

Im sorry abt ur wife...but Im glad u have loving grand-kids to keep u happy.


**Apart from that, do I have any real friends or are they just people who you enjoy meeting now and then?

I agree...who r friends? I reall dun have one definition. U opened my eyes there...ty!



-----------------------------------

Niki MWAHHH hun!


**keshi-chan virtual love will not hurt u

thats a thought...if we cant have the real thing, why not have a fake BF :) cool! Sort of sounds like fake boobs LOL!


-----------------------------------


Hey Akshay I know wut ur going thru..its really hard...


**Sex

Some of my commentors here think abt sex 24/7 u see.


-----------------------------------


Vikas ty ur so sweet.


**Crying is not the solution for the problem.

It may not be a solution but it certainly is natural...:)


Those who love me wont leave me..I know..but who r they?

-----------------------------------


Trinnie hugggggggz n ty sweetie!


** but tears dont come

I have had many moments like that...I have realised that it happens when the pain is over the limit and when tears cant help at all...I just freeze.


-----------------------------------

Charles tnxx mate!


**Nobody nagging, no one to check up on, checking up on you, freedom to do as you please...


I want that too...sometimes I just wanna run away from ppl...from everyone...I feel my entire life is 'controlled' by others...no matter how hard I think Im independent...


-----------------------------------


ty Justine Im hoping for some hope.


**does it have anything to do with walking past an old friend's wedding on the weekend?

:) cud very well be...ur spot on!


-----------------------------------

tnxx a ton Shionge HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!


Lets hope that I'd be able to TRUST again...




Keshi.

my life.... said...

dear Keshi *Hugzzz*, not all people are that open and sensitive... actually, everyone has different expecatations and demands towards everything ( let it be relationship, etc). i have also cried alot before.. people whom i love dearly at times failed to understand me and i have questioned myself eons before " is the relationship is to understand one another. If you have not understood me, what were those time we spent together for? for his / her pleasure such as accomapnying friend ?) Even i will not be that open... yes to yr close frenz, you can be open coz they understand you. But to others, its dangerous coz this will jeopartise you others in every way such as job, etc... just be careful...tears are only worth for those who care for u....tears are precious... take care Keshi... love u dear:)

Anonymous said...

Stop crying girls
no man is worth it

have u ever considered a les relationship as an option?

a lotta women have found love in the arms of a woman

Anonymous said...

**Vest here, it will be our 54th wed/ anniversary on the 20th of june. My wife Rosemary said we can have sex that night, I asked "With who"?


VEST cant get it up now
hehehehehehe

Keshi said...

Lemonade u being here means alot to me. TY!


And I love the sight of those shoes girl ;-)

-----------------------------------

Kavi ty so much!


**to the process of being yourself and meeing somebody who is himself at some point in time

no great hopes but...

-----------------------------------


Dickey heyy!

**That seems to be when you'll meet "him."

that wud be my big break yes..hehe...


-----------------------------------

Enigma its true...selflessness doesnt come cheap.



-----------------------------------

ty Ramya HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!




-----------------------------------


Bev no worries sweetie.

I like that verse...isnt this life a stage drama!

:)

-----------------------------------

Asha I'd like to hope so...HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!



-----------------------------------

Nadim ty u do believe in me dun u...HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


**wear stabs like ornaments. the more u have, more is the passion in your life! the deeper the stabs are, deeper you have lived your life

I like that thought...neat!


I dun think I can ever be a cold-hearted bitch...but Im scared I'll turn into a cold-hearted person soon...someone who cant feel. Cos Im sick of feeling too much.


-----------------------------------

ty Pankaj ur friendship here is truly appreciated. Im blessed to have ppl like u in my life!


-----------------------------------

Andrew I hope u dun turn into an 'asshole' during my coffee session with ya ;-)


**I had an x-bitch

LOL cmon. I still wont call my x-bf a bastard...he's a jerk true, but not a bastard...cos he did teach me few things in life too. Like ur x-gf wud have for u?

tnxx for being here for me Andrew!


-----------------------------------

Art u wudnt believe it hun not even family can hear u out sometimes...my loved-ones who support me in my toughest times r u guys...HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!



-----------------------------------

Geeta tnxxx girly!


**People come and go in our lives without realizing the impact they leave...


I know...they just say n do things w.o. realising how it affects the other person. I so know wut u mean!


**male-bashing exercise

LOL I'd join ya in my war-gear ;-)



-----------------------------------

Ash ty!



Keshi.



-----------------------------------

Anonymous said...

no relationship can be perfect
TRUE

even a les relationship

ultimately we are all alone
u have to love your self

Anonymous said...

**male-bashing exercise

good idea
lets kill all men

dont kill me though
though i am a man
i feel like a woman

Keshi said...

Phoenix I do...


-----------------------------------


Toby ty!

**But if he got away, he can't have been the right one!

I know..he was not the right one for sure! Not even the nearly right :)

-----------------------------------

ty Miss.Muffet!


**about others, u cannot do anything but just know that if they really care, they will accept u for the person u are

Ur spot on HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------


Aidan ty matey, I appreciate that.


** Perfect bonds are un obtainable, because people are inherently flawed.

I know...but my PERFECT means, being normal..being just the way u r...accepting ppl for who they r...respecting each other the way its supposed to be. But obviously its not happening in my r'ships...for some frikkin annoying reason...mebbe cos Im too sensitive. The problem is in me.



**Maybe it's where you are looking. Where would you go to meet guys? Pubs and Clubs, guys are generaly interested in one thing

u wud be surprised Aidan, Im not a club/pub girl at all...when I go clubbing, I go with friends or cousins, and that too very rarely. I have never hooked up with a guy at a club...strange ha :)

I think Im too Just-ME...u know, I dun have any pretenses, neither am I willing to lay down my life for a guy...alot of girls work hard at 'keeping' the r'ship...I dun...if he's not good enough, he should be out very soon. And the guys I meet seem to be that kind!

ty for the email addy...ur so sweet :) I think u deserve a HUG from me, if Stace dun mind hehe. HUGGGGGGZ Aidan!

-----------------------------------

KK ur so sweet. And u hugged me awwww...aint I lucky ;-) HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty!

U guys make me feel so very special...Im so lucky to have u all!


-----------------------------------

Cathy tnxxx hun!


**If some guy preferred cash to your love rejoice in his desertion, you had a lucky escape.

I know..he told me he cant say NO to his parents..I just wanted to puke. Seriously!


I hope Time will be more kind to me...


-----------------------------------

aww Phos I'd like u anyways...:)




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Margie thats a beautiful surprise visit from u...an angel. ty n huggggggggz!

Love that verse...I need 'rest' for sure...I hope I get it soon.

Enjoy ur son's game...say HI to him from me ok? :)

MUACKKKZ!


-----------------------------------

My_Life hey I cant get to ur blog....can u invite me? tnxxx!


**If you have not understood me, what were those time we spent together for?

I agree..its daunting isnt it.

With friends like u ard, I know I'll be ok. TY!


-----------------------------------

Saby heyy!


**have u ever considered a les relationship as an option?


Have u ever considered that not ALL ppl on Earth r looking for sex 24/7 and r bisexual? Give me a break ok!



Keshi.

Lera said...

Keshi, long time no see....hey dear
Never abandon your dreams! But if you did. . .It wasn’t meant to be…
One step must start each journey towards that one life ,that can make the difference,happy Times ahead:))

SM said...

some times I wonder why is life so fearful.Try to be calm.My hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

Margies advice is the best i have read here

YES
count your blessings Keshi
u r single
u r not in a bad marraige
u r free to love the next man/woman that walks into your life

Keshi said...

Lera heyy I miss ya!

**Never abandon your dreams! But if you did. . .It wasn’t meant to be

I agree..thats so so true!

-----------------------------------


SM yeah...sometimes when we stop on our tracks n think, it seems all too scary.


ty!

-----------------------------------


Anony tnxxx!


Im not sure if thats a reason to celebrate...cos I do have alot of mess happening as well.



Keshi.

Silvara said...

Hey babe,

evryone feels this way sometime or another - don't be disheartened about the people around you. Know who your true well wishers are and then take the very good advice from the Xfiles - "Trust no one" :P

I can't remember if I told you this already but remember this:

"True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere."


you know that there are so many people you can rely on - but toughen yourself up :)

*Huuuuggggggggzzzzz* for you :D

Anonymous said...

Have u ever considered that not ALL ppl on Earth r looking for sex 24/7

u lie to your self
Abraham Maslow will tell u that if u r hungry u cant focus on any thing else but food

the same goes for sex too
u have abstained for far too long

Hire the services of a real classy gigolo
and give your body what it is crying for


dont get into an intellectual debate on this one


give it a try

Keshi said...

hey Silvara ty!

**True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere."


I really love that quote. So true.


Looks like Melbourne has stolen the sun...cos its bloody cold here :)


-----------------------------------

Anony hello!


**Hire the services of a real classy gigolo
and give your body what it is crying for


U r such a pig-headed sex maniac. U dun even know me n u come to dirty consclusions abt me? Who d u think u r, sex god? Do urself a favor...go n hire a call-girl and get some for urself. Cos ur the one who seem to need it.


Just cos I feel lonely and let down by some ppl in my life, that doesnt mean its abt SEX u arrogant fool.



Keshi.

Nadim said...

you actually reply to every comment on your blog!!!!!!

oh I blv in you! Pls dont turn into a bitch!

And y is it that its so easy for women to turn cold than its for men!??! dont gimme 'men are not very emotional' or 'they are cold in the first place' shit!

Keshi said...

hey Nadim I do :) Or else wuts the point in ppl leaving comments for me in here...it's their precious time and energy too.



**And y is it that its so easy for women to turn cold than its for men!??! dont gimme 'men are not very emotional' or 'they are cold in the first place' shit!

hehe damnnn now I cant ans it that way :):)


ok I think its merely cos women r emotional creatures and men r sexual creatures. Some men r nymphos like the anony above but thats another story altogether! But men turn cold too...depends on how emotional u r.


Keshi.

Anonymous said...

dirty consclusions ????

Abraham Maslows hierearchy of needs apply universally
not only to Keshi girl


Represssion is the name of the game
the celibate catlik priests tried to deny their need for sex

and child molestation was the result
repression is bad for the body and the soul


- SEX COUNSELLOR

Keshi said...

Saby I dun care what Abraham Maslow stated in 1567 ok! Im me and nobody else can determine how I feel.


So u think sex will solve all the problems? How dumb can u get?

Keshi.

Vivhyd said...

Hey keshi. huggzz.. Hope u feel better soon n ur heart doesnt get broken.. I wish i cud do something abt it than try n comfort u.. Hang in there.. Do something tht wud take ur mind off this.. :)

RamaG said...

Nopes, I cant put a condition around my tears.

But, somehow I reconcile myself and make myself believe that people who donot understand me and dont care about my feelings and concerns - are not worth spending my tears on.

-Ram.

Keshi said...

Viv hey ty...ur extremely sweet. HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Ram true...I must try doin that..ty!

mebbe I should put my heart for sale :)



Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Ah well
youth will never lissen

i didnt mean to ridicule u
its what i been through too

the Bible was written more than 2000 years ago

but ppl stilll read the Bible

Anonymous said...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I`m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Anonymous said...

2. Babies and Other Hazards of Sex : How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months With Tools You Probably Have Around the Home ~

mystic rose said...

hmmm... keshi, dont know what to say , except hang in there, things will get better. I have been there, and no one's life is perfect, in fact the more we try to make ourselves better and seek perfection, the more we struggle.
but life always goes up after we hit the bottom. this too will pass, my friend.
and keshi, you have to be extra careful about trusting anyone, esply nowadays.

hugs! love. and take care.

Anonymous said...

The Code : Time-Tested Secrets for Getting What You Want from Women Without Marrying Them!

Anonymous said...

How to Turn Your Ex-Boyfriend into a Toad & Other Spells : For Love, Wealth, Beauty and Revenge

Anonymous said...

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days : The Universal Don'ts of Dating

Nadim said...

you reply and you reply fast! lol!
i thought as there are so many comments, it would be near impossible to reply to each one! But your bloglove totally blew me over!

anon has a point. But he doesnt seem to realize that body needs are different than emotional needs. Sex does work fine when it comes to fulfilling some emotional needs but its a very short term solution with severe mid and long term side effects. The major ones being self-devaluation and increased restlessness.

so you say the more emotional you are the more are the chances to turn cold? It sounds right. makes sense. sometimes its called 'mental imbalance'. and misunderstood for passion. But I agree, hard times can knock over even the most passionate! When even the most passionate cant survive, guess who stands tall still hoping for fantasies to come true?
Hopeless romantics!
I am a bit of both! passionate and a hopeless romantic!

You... well, i think i am not sure! but sound more like a hop-rom! i would say 75% hop-rom and 25% passion! am i close? or did it make any sense at all? lol!

Keshi said...

Saby mebbe u should let the youth go thru it and come to ur age to find out what it is like...it's easier to advise when u have gone thru it all already.


-----------------------------------

Thats true Rose...mebbe I should just be. ty n huggggggggggggz!



-----------------------------------

Anony heyy!


**How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

U sure seem to know how it feels LOL!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nadim Im as fast as a bullet ;-)

**but its a very short term solution with severe mid and long term side effects.

I agree. Sex is like taking cough lollies when ur actually dying from Tuberulosis hehehe.


I dunno if Im a hopeless romantic or passionate or both. But I sure am hopeless LOL!


Keshi.

SamY said...

ur proly gonna hate me for saying this but then I think I wanna get you thinking, hope you take it on a positive note - if its few ppl who you have a problem with then its probably their fault ... but if this is happening with just about everyone u've known then probably there is some problem with you :(


it easier to change ourselves than to change the world :)

** People are so fake...plastic...frozen...incapable of loving.

the wierd thing about humans is that we see people the way we want to see them ;)

its gud to vent things out keshi ... but don't get judgemental when ur not calm

cheers nutty

Vest said...

Keshi: Bruce worked for me, B was a sex machine and had many lovers, women fell in love with Bruce at first sight.

Substitute, 'I can' for 'We can' maybe it would make more sense.x

Keshi said...

Samy hey :)

**but if this is happening with just about everyone u've known then probably there is some problem with you :(

no I wont hate u for saying it...but can I ask u this...when my ex said he's going to marry his parents' choice cos he cant say NO to them, is it my fault??


-----------------------------------


Vest heyy!

**Substitute, 'I can' for 'We can' maybe it would make more sense

awww I got it now....Im sorry :(



Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Samy another qn for u...

When Mr.Darcy said that Im too old to be his partner, is it my fault?


When my friend G**** just got some other guy to call me one day and hurt me for something I didnt do, was it my fault?


When My cuzn laughed at my efforts 2 months ago to save my uncle was it my fault?



When my friend R*** lost it for cancelling dina plans and plans never to talk to me again, is it my fault?



Tell me..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mebbe u cant trust my words...mebbe u think that all the ppl who hurt me has a very good reason to hurt me. Point taken!

Keshi.

SamY said...

am not trying to pin in down on someone here! ... right/wrong is a point of view keshi :) ... and I was not talking of what/who was morally correct/incorrect ... now in all these instance you mentioned end result - you were hurt, right?

if you'd ask me I'd say its you who is hurting you more than those ppl ... coz u let em hurt ya

am not asking you to change yourself or anything ... but I think it high time you don't let people affect you a lot

whatever it is ur going thru, I'd say they way you look at things could change how much it affects you ... take ur ex for e.g. ... dyu think such a person is worthy of ur love? ... I don't expect you to get over things in a flash ... but its in ur hands to get out of it, *without letting negative vibes get into ya* as in saying - "People are so fake...plastic...frozen...incapable of loving."

the reason why I mentioned that it could be something bout you was one of my very close friends had a problem ... he felt everyone was being unfair to him while in fact they were normal and he just expected way too much and was just stubborn that he was being fair with everyone

Keshi said...

Tnxx samy!


**he felt everyone was being unfair to him while in fact they were normal and he just expected way too much and was just stubborn that he was being fair with everyone


So how does his situation compare with mine? Was I being stubborn with my ex or with Mr.Darcy or with my friends? I dun get that. I didnt require anything special/extra from them.


ok lets just say I 'expect' things from a r'ship...well I do...the basic requirements of a r'ship is always expected. Is that alot to ask for? If not we'd be like animals isnt it? But nah I didnt expect anything more than that. And some ppl cant even stick to the basic elements of a r'ship such as respect, faith, trust and honesty.


And Samy if u think Im just feeling sorry for myself, Im sad u got that impression. I feel Im too kind, too open, too naive...somewhere deep down I need a change..in that way ur right.


Keshi.

deepti said...

Welll, dont really know how to put it but the same cliche, i guess its still not time to give up...
Hold on n what u think is a heart break is a lesson to be learnt...
M sorry abt ur dad...but you r a strong woman n will sail through...
Taking a break becomes so difficult when u actually need it, i hope u get one.

Keshi said...

ty Deepti HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Top cat said...

You've admitted you are a perfectionist so I think you may expect people to behave as you would.
Everyone is different, you can't expect them to have the same thought process as you do.
I do think you're a sensitive person but other people who come into our lives may be less sensitive.
You say you have a few people who love you for who you are, Keshi do you love others for who they are?
I think you put too high of expectancy on others in your life.
This is not to say we can't expect people to treat us decently, we generally know what decent and courteous behavior is.
Expecting too much from others will cause you much pain.
I think you are as you say open and honest and you are initially free to give your love and heart in relationships.
Perhaps you need to go a bit slower.
I hate to see you in such heartache hon. I think you are a beautiful and giving person.
I am not saying you should lower your standards but maybe you are a bit too rigid.

I'm just guessing when I write these things, just throwing things out there for you to look at and perhaps something I've said may resonate for you.
I only wish the best for you keshi and don't like to see your beautiful heart breaking.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
tc

homo escapeons said...

Hmm.
LOVE is a verb.
As a species we are completely overwhelmed living in cities. Physiologically we are designed to live in small clans. This modern urban culture is about as natural as living on the moon or under the sea.

We are surrounded by strangers and overwhelmed by it. Aside from the fight or flight response we have to process the mating game impulses. We can have hundreds of visual and subliminal chemical impulses throughout the day. How are we overbrained/overdressed apes supposed to manage all of this information?

Prey vs. Pray
Don't wait for it to drop on your lap we make our own luck in this life. You have to make a plan and be aware of how your brain and body work, make a list of acceptable parameters, hunt and gather in areas where your prey will likely be located.

You spin the wheel and take your chances... we can't control how other people behave and therein lies the endless heartache that we witness and experience but that is how it works.

You play the odds by looking for someone who has positive attributes and the temerity to strive towards an honest relationship.

Unfortunately, as you well know, some people (arseholes) are masters of deception and spend their entire lives TAKING instead of giving.

With so much overchoice available it takes a great deal of effort to maintain a relationship mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Lust is just a Biochemical Reaction to seen and unseen impulses that usually expires within days or months.

Love is a decision and a cognitive Action that you and your partner need to agree to work towards every single day. It will start off with the Lust part (99 times out of 100)but after the hornymones subside the outcome of the entire relationship is all up to the two people making choices to make it work.

That is why LOVE can last so long. It depends on how much effort the couple put into it. Next time that you look at the Obits and see a couple that were 'happily' married for 50 years you need to understand that those two people made a real effort to stay 'in' Love.

Wow what a blowhard I am this morning...sorry.

ghee said...

awww,the perfectionist Keshi...
they dont deserve you,girl!you must put that in your mind :)

or maybe someone`s special waiting out there for you and you just dont happen to know when or where...

huggggssss!

White Forest said...

honestly ..i din go thru this blog yest..i found hte prev blog more interesting...so i went thru that!!

ohh mannn i now call this a co- incidence... and you wont belive... After posting this blog ...while blog hopping i ve seen a couple others who have same topic...i was really amazed!!

like minds :P

Keshi said...

Rick hey ty! Big Hugs!


**Keshi do you love others for who they are?

Ofcourse I do Rick. But if they wanna run away from me, can I stop that? Im someone who let ppl free...let em go if they wanna...cos I believe that if they r meant to be with me, they'll be bak. I do go behind em for a while...and if they still reject me, I just leave em.


**I am not saying you should lower your standards but maybe you are a bit too rigid.

I became that. I wasnt b4. But now I am. And I cant seem to be that old trusting person anymore. I really cant Rick. I've become a frozen ice block...I dun seem to want to find anyone anymore. And I dun mean that only for a partner, its the same for friends...

But I learnt alot from ur comment...ty so much. I luv having ppl like u in my life for giving me some great advice. I hope to learn from u n change. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

HE ur comment as usual was one of the best! ty for that.


**but after the hornymones subside the outcome of the entire relationship is all up to the two people making choices to make it work.

I know...alot of ppl fall in LUST and then LOVE is no longer alive...

Working hard at it is a 2 way thing. If the other party dun wanna even try, then I cant do much. Unfortunately most of my r'ships were like that.

ty HE...I will keep that in mind.


-----------------------------------

Ghee Im looking everywhere for him..even under my desk.



-----------------------------------

Really Forest? :) gee wow!




Keshi.

Top cat said...

I think this may be a good thing you feel frozen.
When I went through my divorce I was depressed and didn't care if I found anyone anymore.
My wife had just gone through a breakup and had given up on meeting the right person.
We had both given up and quit looking, that is when we found each other and....it's been over 30 years with my best friend and soulmate, so there is hope my dear Keshi.
You are a special soul and it may take awhile to get a match because of that.
In the meantime, have fun, relax and in time Mr Wonderful who's a match for you will show up when you least expect it.
I know the aching feeling of wanting to share love and be loved.
hugs
tc

Shiva said...

We create our own fears and misery and take responsibility for it. If you transfer the cause on someone else, it is going to remain forever. If you take the responsibility you can destroy it. Pain has its own pleasure. Just observer it and be a witness. Don't be a part of it. Cheer up Keshi!

Keshi said...

Rick hey ty!

**been over 30 years with my best friend and soulmate, so there is hope my dear Keshi.

aww what a beautiful love story. Im so happy for u 2. Love should happen this way.


ty for ur good wishes for me mate. I really appreciate it. **HUGS**

-----------------------------------

ty Shiva!

** If you take the responsibility you can destroy it. Pain has its own pleasure.

thats so true. I really like wut u said. I'll keep that in mind.




Keshi.