Verbal bullets

When you were a kid you may have learnt to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Well I'm not so sure of that anymore, 'cos words do hurt, even worse than a slap or a punch does. I myself have done that countless times to my friends and family, when I open my mouth without thinking or when words just slip out in a moment of anger. I have said words such as 'oh go away, leave me alone', 'shutup', 'you're selfish and manipulative', 'you're really dumb and it's killing me', 'enough of your bullsh#t' etc. But there are some people who use words as weapons to hurt people deliberately, to cause emotional pain so that they get a cheap satisfaction out of it. They name-call, use rude words, bring up the past, laugh at and criticise the other person's family, friends, beliefs and lifestyle. Some words, even if they are not foul words, hurt so much depending on the tone and the content. That is where you commit a verbal crime, especially to a loved-one. Because abuse is abuse no matter by which means it's committed.

Do you know how much damage a cruel word can do? It can do irreparable injury to a person's mind that it may ruin an entire relationship for good. Words can shoot like a gun, cut like a knife and even make a person change forever. Words can hurt a person worse than a slap on the face could. I firmly believe in the quote that says that the pen is mightier than the sword. One of my friends hasn't seen his sister in 15years. Why, because they had an argument back then and he blurted out something that hurt her so much that she has cut all ties with him since then. He regrets it now and is desperately trying to get back in touch with her and she's not responding at all. There's another friend of mine who's boyfriend called her rude names when they argued over something and so she put off the wedding. An ex-friend of our family once wrote a very abusive letter to me for something which he was at fault and since then (7yrs ago), I neither want to see his face nor hear from him ever again. He rang me a couple of times to say how sorry he was but I can't forget those terrible words - they are etched in my head like words carved in stone. He even asked my cousin if he could visit me at home and I said No. That's how powerful words can be. It can ruin relationships and divide people forever. I feel, that as much as people like compliments, they tend to remember the insults better and longer, especially if it came from a loved-one.

So next time you have an argument with a loved-one (it could be your parent, sibling, friend, partner, colleague or a kid), think twice before you vent out your anger with the intention to hurt the other person. You may feel you're the winner at that moment but really you will be the loser. Don't name-call or bring up the past ever. That's the lowest thing you could do to someone. It not only hurts the other person deeply but it will portray you as a poorly brought-up immature person. Don't ever laugh at and make fun of the other person's acquaintances and beliefs, just stick to the point of the argument. First try and listen to what he/she has to say, not just hear it. If he/she is being unreasonable, then tell them 'maybe I should explain to you how I feel too..', instead of telling them 'you're a big fat defective goose'...lol! So many loved-ones hurt me daily with words but I will not do the same 'cos that's not me. It's far more wiser to stay calm, or else it will become one big war of verbal bullets which you will regret in the end.

In this life we don't get many chances to do good deeds for our loved-ones...but we get many chances to say things (or even not say anything at all)...and people will remember you alot for your words and how you made them feel...so if you're someone who can't easily give compliments, then the least you could do is choose your words carefully in an argument or say nothing at all, instead of lashing out in anger. That will save you from scarring somene's heart forever and dwelling in regret. When you hurt someone with words, the tears flow forever 'cos you can't ever take those words back...and the feelings he/she felt are hard to erase.