Tuesday, January 23

G'Day Mate, Om Shanti Shanti!

DISCLAIMER: Purely humorous but quite factual. Take it as you like it!

This post was inspired by the difficulties and awkward situations that youngsters of today's Indian immigrants face in other countries. I come from a Hindu and Buddhist background and Im originally from Sri Lanka, but now I live in Australia. My parents have lived most of their life in Sri Lanka and I have lived most of my life in Australia. Now I have been taught librararies worth of Eastern morals and values that I must stick to even though I live here. And to date I have never let my parents or my culture down. But what exactly is my culture? Even though I'm a Sri Lankan, I'm also an Australian. What about the Aussie values and morals? It's not that the Eastern culture doesn't have negative aspects either or that the Aussie culture doesnt have positive aspects. What I always thought was that no matter what one should never forget their origin but if you choose another country to be your home country, then you should learn, appreciate and get accustomed to the new culture too - in other words, take the good and leave the bad from both cultures.

So here are some funny yet awkward situations I face living in 2 cultures :)

Coming from a 'Curry' family (this is the slang term used in Aus for Indians) , I have been eternally banned from dating and if I meet someone I like, it would have to be at the risk of being lectured to death - and the lecture comes with a warranty for life. Dad onced bashed a guy who whistled at me - yes he did and that guy moved houses the next week. If I talked too long on the phone, my dad didnt like it - he suspected it's a dude whereas it was usually my silly friend with pigtails from school, duhhhh dad! Aussies don't put restrictions on calls for their kids and they grow up pretty healthy mixing with both boys and girls since childhood. I think that's a balanced way to bring up kids, with reasonable restrictions ofcourse.

Another strange rule I had to follow when I was younger was that no late-night parties or going out at night. As most of you might know an Indian girl's night out would be eating sweets in the bedroom listening to loud music till she falls asleep (sounds fun ha?). Or if I got the chance to go out, a gang of my cousin brothers will be walking behind me and one day an uncle joined us too - mannn that was pretty embarasssing! And mum always comes into my head saying 'when you are at a club make sure you don't take any alcohol because good girls don't drink and remember if you did that no one will marry you ok'. I remember one of my mum's friends' daughter got labelled a 'hopeless drunkard that's unfit to be a pati-devi' or what ever it is :). Btw she only had a glass of wine! Although I dont drink recklessly, Aussie girls drink alcohol but they lead pretty good married lives too, don't they.

If a friend asked you to spend the night at her place, my mum suddenly becomes the goddess of Purity who says that a girl is no good if she left home even for one night and that virginity is the best asset a girl could ever have - but mum, my friend isn't a lesbian duh! Even before mum says a NO with a Puri-sized 'O', my friend knows I wont be there anyways - right now she's puking thinking about our Curry attitude hehe. Btw mum means 'you better stay a virgin before marriage and protect our Om shanthi shanthi culture even if that means you are 40yrs and applying for retirement' (Keshi rolling eyes...). The only Aussie virgins would be the poor curry leaves in the trees.

Going out with family (there's no other kind of going-out anyways) is a must even if it was Uncle Ram who invited you for a vegetarian dinner with all the oldies chanting ram ram. You have to be dressed appropriately with no cleavage showing or legs left visible - excuse me, I have boobs you know that and I have legs, you know that too - ok then live with it! Anyways I end up going looking like an Egyptian mummy - the only part left uncovered is my face! When you go there you have to be very polite and not bored, even if that means you'll spend the afternoon going around asking 'would you like some fruit?'. Aussie girls don't follow their parents everywhere neither do the parents follow them everywhere and that's great in a way. Cos personal space and freedom should be given and respected.

O the countless festivals and gazillion Hindu Gods we have and being a Buddhist too, I have to celebrate an infinite number of festivals. I like them all but the rules that go with them are sometimes annoying. Like when you have to wait for the prayers to finish to eat something, otherwise God would get angry and all that drama. Trust me I have hallucinated food, food and food being starved to death in one such ocassion - the prayers were going on forever. I got up and went and ate an apple - too bad Aunt, I don't think you want me dead in your prayers, do you. Aussies let people get up and go if they are not feeling well or hungry, they don't tie you up with ridiculous rules so you can die a hungry devotee chanting 'om om om Im dead'.

Boooooo arranged marriages! Everytime your family meets up another curry, the first question they ask is 'Is your daughter single? Cos I have this friend who' s son is an engineer and is such a sweet boy blah blah blah'. I mean cant people just ask about each other's day and just go about shopping without trying to be the Lord of marital bliss. And being an engineer or a doctor is such a big deal for Indians. Excuse me mum, did you hear about Dr.Death J.Patel from Brisbane? LOL! And if the proposed boy is a nice person he should have a house and a car to go with the package, and if possible can you not 'date' him until the wedding night haha! You could be marrying someone who doesnt even know manners, but never mind daughter, he's an engineer na, so close your eyes and go get him. Aussies value human equality not the social status, and they would marry someone for their goodness not the job or any other status!

Meat is taboo on certain days and if you eat it before or after going to the temple you will be punished by Lord Shiva, you'll never see happiness in life blah blah blah. How does God have so much time to watch what we eat - I mean there are so many curries all over the world, doesnt God get hysterical by watching if we eat meat or not at certain times? Atleast I say sorry God, before I eat - I think God forgives often hai na :). Aussies even eat McDonalds inside the church but they don't get punished by Jesus and neither does Jesus look like he needs a holiday from watching what people eat!

If I'm going for an exam/interview, mum does a huge Puja in front of her many Gods asking them to protect me. She chases me around the house with a tray of incense and I went to many exams with holy powder all over my face. My Aussie friends used to ask me what it was. Anyways after a while they stopped asking. Then I used to sneak into the bathroom and take them off my face before stepping out LOL! God will forgive me again - I know He's good ;-). Aussies respect religion/faith too but they don't walk around with a cross nailed on their forehead to prove it!

Oh those omens! If you dream of a tooth falling off then someone in your family is supposed to die?? I once dreamt this and at the same time an old uncle was sick. I nearly killed him cos mum was so upset I saw such a dream and she was so sure someone is going to die, and it was that uncle. But he didnt die...actually he's alive and kicking more than any of us. If you see 2 blackbirds then you're in for a wedding surprise and if you see just one then it's apparently a funeral. But I have seen 2 blackbirds many a time but no wedding followed but if I see one blackbird I still run after it to find a the 2nd one duhh Keshi! Aussies are more logical and realistic than allowing a bird to decide their mood or the fate of a sick uncle!

Curry relatives and friends are so gossipy that it doesnt stop even if they migrate to Aus or even to Mars. Her daughter is going to get married to that guy, that guy is unemployed right now, this lady is having Diabetes, that friend just bought a car...etc etc. And if you meet another curry down the street, they immediately find a link between your family and their's,
and hey presto you're talking to a distant cousin already! It's really annoying and I wish I could shut them all up. But I can't cos it cant be done by shutting the mouths, cos it's all programmed in the genes hello!

Now I don't mean to demean anyone's culture here. This is exactly what's happening among curry immigrants over here and I guess just as much as we have great cultural values and traits, we have some pretty negative ones too. Like I said before the best combination is to pick the good ones and leave the bad ones from both cultures, all you curry buddies living overseas :) and good luck!



Current Music: Pardesiya (Hindi Remix)

153 Cranium Signets:

SaffronSaris said...

What a looooong post! But so interesting about Hindu culture. Are you Brahmin, by the way? I heard Hindus are very keen on vegetariain food.

PS: Someday, you must teach me how to order Indian food. I always freeze and back away from the Indian stalls in foodcourts coz I dun wanna look stupid asking the people what each dish is.

Mumbai Guy said...

Lolz...good detailed post. No further comments ;)

Anonymous said...

OMG Keshi! And I thought my parents were strict!

Filipino culture also dictates that women should be demure and modest and never, ever make the first move with a guy. Being the eldest in a family of three girls and one boy, I got the brunt of the rules when I was growing up.

I wasn't allowed to attend parties -- so my friends (who are all girls because I went to an all girl catholic school) would hold their bday celebrations in my house. God forbid that I went out on dates. I wasn;t allowed to have a boyfriend until I finished college. I guess I have to be thankful that arranged marriages are not a custom here.

But times have changed and teenagers have more freedom now. The culture is still conservative but it has adapted a lot of Western influences.

Great post, I loved learning a lot about your customs.

Aditi said...

First of all I totally love the song, awesome pick.. i have it blasting at 6:30 in the morning here.. am sure someone's gonna yell at me..
Hilarious post, I totally agree with most of it. I mean, when I was in chicago and a guy friend called on the home phone.. my dad gave him the third degree... with so many questions.. he was like i am so sorry i called here..
it was actually hilarious..
But I do know what you mean, very totally know what u mean
somewhere between the indian culture and the american is the one i call mine too

Anonymous said...

:O *shock* My life story right there Keshi...ALL of the above. Which is why when I have broken about half of them I am considered the black sheep of the family and eternal mistake lol. It's hard living between two cultures isn't it....

Anonymous said...

Well, one thing about people in exile is that they do bond together to protect their local cultures. The Brits round here used to do that. We didn't get into that - we didn't hang round with these people back home, why start now.

It's tricky for parents to adapt to a new country and culture - we have to stretch our minds with our kids and the culture-gap is nowhere near what your parents are experiencing. But, you have to stand back and allow your children to develop their own personalities in the new culture - even if you have to do it with gritted teeth on occasion.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mummy Dearest

LOL

Culture blended with culture does not make a culture. In every culture there is the good, the bad, and the ugly.

When it comes to religion, no matter the number of rules man puts into the religion, religion is only one element in a culture. Notice, I said that man makes his own religious rules. No matter what God you worship, God does not impose the restrictions on you. If you follow the Bible, there are laws in the bible which apply to our time and the time the Bible was written; however, the crap clergy tries to impose on people cannot be found in writing.

This applies to all religions and cultures. We are all slaves of pagan rituals which have been handed down through the ages.

Show me one cultural belief, and I can show you its pagan roots.

Culture is man-made not God-made.


WOW!! DID I WRITE THAT!!
Hugs

Bev

SaffronSaris said...

1st comment by moi again :D

Anonymous said...

Oh~that sounds..oh...it sounds...

I mean it sounds...but..don't know how... :)

Take care...Keshi.

jillie said...

I just wanted to stop by to let you know that you are going to LOVE the "extra" blog of tre'

It's fascinating!

Outdoorsy Girl said...

I'm so glad you wrote this post, Keshi. I had wondered what it was like for a Sri Lankan like yourself living in Australia. So interesting!

You had me laughing with your comments about "curries"! Curry...mmmm...it kinda made me hungry, though! ;)

You have an excellent, well balanced attitude of combining the best of both cultures.

Pecos Blue said...

Keshi,

Great insights and writing. The struggle is stong and being in a mixed marriage where I am not the Indian, he is, it can be a struggle for me to show that I can fit in, I can put on a sari, I can make dal and many other indian dishes but most of his family laughs and cannot believe that I do it. Culture is a strong thing. Have you read the Inheritance of Loss?

great post.

pecos

Stace said...

Hi Keshi! Most of what you'd written I had heard before... but always thought it was exaggerated and stereotyped. Is it really so extreme? It sounds extraordinarily difficult... You've come out of all marvellously well-balanced!!!

samuru999 said...

I was laughing out loud about your
mum chasing you around the house with the tray of incense...
This is a great post Keshi...
I learned a lot...
Thanks so much!
I so enjoy knowing about other cultures.
It's been a very long day...
I would like to comment some more, but just too tired!

Take good care!
Huggggz!

Margie

Anonymous said...

What an nice funny post Keshi!!! This is the typical East meets West situation!!!

I loved each and every point you put across!!! No wonder these make good stories and movies LOL!!! they are so damn funny!!!

;-))

Pecos Blue said...

keshi,

We are happy. But I do notice the culture things--but there is always somthing in every relationship--I just sometimes do not see the minefields in advance. Take care pecos

Awaiting said...

Here one popular belief is that if you dream of fish, someone is pregnant! Ha!

I always enjoy hearing about other cultures. It is amazing at how different we all are, but at the same time, most young people today want the same thing.

The only thing that seperates us is us.

Thanks for posting this Keshi...I'm gonna read it again!

Anonymous said...

Good Post. I would have agreed with you on all the points say 20 years back !! Not now. ;)

I have seen Indians abroad giving freedom to their kids..ok...not all.. the way you have described about Aussie culture or any other western culture... but yes they do give freedom within their set boundaries.

Like a night out is not a problem if the other family is Indian or known to your family.

Or the pujas before leaving for exam/interview.. Not all follow these rituals abroad. My folks don't follow it in India, let alone abroad. ;)

I am a brahmin but eat non-veg, my parents are ok with it.. coz they also eat. ;) Ha ha..

Even the dressing up is not covering head to toe but yes, not very revealing dresses b'coz after all it is a get together of families.

It basically depends on your parents, their attitude and when they have migrated to your current country. If it was recent (5-10 years), it may be difficult.

I have been abroad alone many times but I never face any situations like this. LOlll.. My folks trust me for everything and I never break their trust.

samuru999 said...

I want to thank you so much for your sweet words about my mom...
you made me cry!
Nite-nite..an early night for me...

More HUGGGGZ
Margie

Anonymous said...

really keshi?, i mean they are that strict? :O . some of these cultural things are soo funny esp when you explain them to western friends. hmmm..first genrations are always like that. i figure its the security blanket. the second genration becomes more laid back.

curlzspeaks said...

Thats such a good posting. I love the virginity part.I Just feel the whole thing is so overated. what's up with the whole idea of "oweing" your virginity to your spouse"? Virginity is something that belongs to you and it's your choice how you plan to manage it. Amen.
besides dont u wanna test drive before you buy the car?
*wink*

Anonymous said...

Longgggggggg post Keshi.
Hehe..Very well written..Exactly thats what happens in desi families TOO much gossips..dress discussions n what not lol..Doctors & Engineers lol :) We all go through this ;)

I love the song Pardeshia one of my FAVOURITE :) & I'll defnitely get the bag for u when I visit NYC next time :)

Stay Beautiful...!!

Anonymous said...

That was very interesting. Here in the American South there are lots of families that very similar to yours. Only they are Fundamentalist Christians. They have a lot of the same attitudes about their daughters dating and meeting boys. Some of them even don't allow dancing! haha

Ash said...

Interesting post Keshi!
These are the very things i hate about Indian culture...all the arranged marriage and virginity crap.

But thankfully my parents especially my mom is very cool...and liberal :-) God bless them!
So i am spared of all the sermonizing....

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

What an interesting story!

Keshi said...

hey Saffy ur FIRST again yes! :)

Im not a Brahmin but my mum is Vegetarian in certain days. Im a non-veg on all days hehehe.

Ordering Indian food..yeah can be quite a dilemma when u dunno what ur ordering LOL! It's the same for me when I go to Cantonese restaurants.

-----------------------------------

ty MG!

Why no more comments? :)

-----------------------------------

Menchi heyy u too? awwww :):)


**would hold their bday celebrations in my house

haha! that was funny!


-----------------------------------

Aditi Im glad u like this song..it's one of my favs and I dance to it like a maniac LOL!

LOL @ur dad! typical ha.


**somewhere between the indian culture and the american is the one i call mine too

yep thats the best way to be.

-----------------------------------

Silvara heyy HUGGGGGGGGZ!

**I am considered the black sheep of the family and eternal mistake

lol guess wut..my mum thinks the same. cos my sis is alot more conservative than I am...in clothes, speech, acquaintances etc. Whereas Im totally the opp. I wear anything I want, go anywhere I want, talk the way I like, do what I think is right etc. But I guess my mum is getting used to it now LOL!

Ur not a mistake...ur SPECIAL.

-----------------------------------

hey Trundling_Grunt I agree.

**But, you have to stand back and allow your children to develop their own personalities in the new culture

Spot on! Parents have to realise that for sure.

-----------------------------------

heyyy Bevzter ;-)


**Culture is man-made not God-made.

Spot on! I totally agree. But its so hard for older generations to grasp that cos they r still stuck in older beleif systems.

-----------------------------------

Sounds like what Sunil? :)


-----------------------------------


WC Jillie! :)

aha I'll chk that out, ty!


-----------------------------------

TY Outdoorsy!

Ur hungry now...so I'll txt u some curry then...LOL!


-----------------------------------


Pecos heyy!

** I can put on a sari, I can make dal and many other indian dishes but most of his family laughs and cannot believe that I do it.

awww :) cute!


no I havent read that...whats it like?

-----------------------------------

Stace heyy ty!

** Is it really so extreme?

not in all the curry families. Some r more conservative than this and some are much more liberal than this.

-----------------------------------

ty Margie LOL! Im glad u liked this post.

huggggggggz nitey nite sweetie!


-----------------------------------

LOL Deepz but this cant be funnier than ur posts :) TY!


-----------------------------------

Awaiting hey HUGGGGGZ!

Fish? LOL okkk.


**The only thing that seperates us is us.

Spot on! U r really sensible chikka. ty!


-----------------------------------

heyy Cuckoo!

** I would have agreed with you on all the points say 20 years back !!


:):) no some of em still exist. We like to believe we r very Western but it's not always the case na. I mean da most liberal Indian families in Aus (clothes-wise etc) fall victim to hard tradition when it comes to big decisions. It still happens.

Well ur family sounds pretty liberal to me. My family is that too btw. These r few observations from the Indian community in Sydney. It doesnt mean EVERYONE is like that. But most of em r like that.


-----------------------------------

Rose yeah the younger generations r changing fast.


-----------------------------------


Curlz heyy I agree.

** Virginity is something that belongs to you and it's your choice how you plan to manage it.

yeah. Unfortunately we Indians dun think like that. Apparently its only for one man :)

boy I'd luv to test-drive LOL!


-----------------------------------

Suga glad u love this song too :)

yep yep I'd luv that bag...awwwwwwwwwww HUGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Jay heyy!

**Some of them even don't allow dancing!

LOL cmon u serious?


-----------------------------------

Ash yeah...crap indeed LOL!

glad to know ur mum is like my mum...my mum has changed alot since her very conservative days :)




Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

A long post but i didnt realise it will i read till the end :P

lolz. ridiculous but its v true. even here. :) need i say more?


=ammu=

Keshi said...

ty Andrew!


-----------------------------------

Ammu I know u u'stand me totally LOL!



Keshi.

Anonymous said...

lol... keshi,
you are one helluva revolution! Almost everyone hates this kind of restrictions in Indian culture.

Anonymous said...

Whoooohoooo Keshi...My parents have been ranting the same story ever since I crawled down this planet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you know at the end of the day, I love it more than nething else, no matter how lame it sounds at times (most of the times actualy). You wouldnt disagree either if I know yu well.
I'm glad you're better now girl.Updated after a long time.Take good care for yourself honey.
*hugssssssss*

Anonymous said...

keshi this is My life here i have changed my blog (Puja)

awesome post!! I come from a Jain family typical rajasthan se ... but i was born and brought up in bangalore..

In our cast we are not supposed to eat Onion, Garlic , raddish etc etc etc we are not supposed to apply Lipstick, they say it made of Fish or Lizard oil whatever ....its like a sin if we do all this but who cares!! I don't follow all this stupid rules .We have got one life and must enjoy it at the fullest. "WHAT SAY " can you imagine food with out Onion and Garlic.. it wud taste horrible!! PHEW!! and Drinking!!!! don't ever talk to people who drink and eat non-veg God will always punish you blah blah blah!!!

and these swamijis who wear only White dress and cover there mouth with white cloth ...they don't even take bath with soaps just water and nothing else they dont shave they don't take medicine as it contains fish oil .... all this crap!! and if they say us to do all this we have to do this

I'm very happy i am in bangalore and dont have to follow all this crap ;)))))

Nice post Keshi Be happy and keep smiling always !!

ghee said...

whew!I got dizzy reading your post,LOL!well,im not aware of your culture,and i have no right to spill anything against it.and yeah,leave the bad and get the good ones.

i think being ourselves is the best way to live our lives :)

Go Go Keshi!!
hugggssss!

Anonymous said...

i love curries :) but never tried sri-lankan curry.

yeah....i'm definitely not an ideal daughter, or women. many times i thought i was adopted. dunno what to say about me...guess you'll have to find out :)

Anonymous said...

i used to have an indian bf before. he is "so" mummy's boy (im not sure whether it is an indian way of bringing up a son or it is just him)~ everything also my mom this, my mom that, to me that's too much. He doesnt have BO, and he is using the branded perfumes. But whenever he hugged me, i can smell the curry.... ewwwww ( too much detail? sorry.)

I think that should be enough reasons to ditch him....

Anonymous said...

:)
opinion :P ..
things back home wont be so peachy either :)... there is always that generation gap and the new cultural elements we learn through tv, blogs or anything else...

I agree with "take good from everything"... unfortunately there is no definition for "good" and i guess we all just play along with the crowd we are in if necessary :)
(.... and yeah... sometimes we are all kids/babies :)

~
Sojourner

desperado said...

hilarious...but common it aint that bad too..:D
things i love..concept of parenst living with their children..dont knwo how prevalent thts in the west

Anonymous said...

** Purely humorous but quite factual.

Definitely. But as you (young blood) see things.

** I think that's a balanced way to bring up kids, with reasonable restrictions ofcourse.

"reasonable" changes with age :D and the responsibility of kids ... u'll realize that later

** 'when you are at a club make sure you don't take any alcohol

if you were out with trustworthy ppl then they wudn't be worried ... there have been bad incidents keshi ... molestation being the mildest of it ... if you've had a friend who had gone through such you'd start considering ... n wished that parents being conservativs is for good

all these indulgence are sweet until you burn your fingers ... just that in some cultures parents dun mind being unfriendly in their attempt to keeping the kids from getting burnt ... coz some scars linger too long ... and usually its our folks who cushion us when we get burned ... I guess in west they let em take a few burns :) ... ur pick

** You have to be dressed appropriately with no cleavage showing or legs left visible - excuse me, I have boobs you know that and I have legs, you know that too - ok then live with it!

of course dear ... thats said to imply that they ain't responsible if something ungraceful happens b'coz of that ... I don't think even ppl of west origin appreciate a barely clad women at a church :) ... if ur fine with that sorta attention then y bother :D ... some might consider showing the cleavage and legs fine ... but that again is stipulated by the institution ... and so does the church

** Like when you have to wait for the prayers to finish to eat something, otherwise God would get angry and all that drama.

plz ... some hunk in a gym tells u to fast twice a month n ppl follow that religiously ... some religions enforce such things so that it becomes an excuse for ppl to fast in the name of god ... coz ppl wudn't listen otherwise :) ... god is an excuse and not the reason, "if"
you havent figured that out as yet ... its much easier to fast (control your senses) when ppl believe in god

** I mean cant people just ask about each other's day and just go about shopping without trying to be the Lord of marital bliss.

they do keshi ... its just that only this conversation grabs ur attention ... coz the others don't annoy you ... traditionally many marriages have be made in other marriages ... coz those r ocassions when the guyz n gals r dressed at their prettiest and can easily fool the other LOL! what say?

** Aussies value human equality not the social status, and they would marry someone for their goodness not the job or any other status!

those days r long gone nutty ... more often, ppl who are incapable of deciding as to whome to get hooked to end up in arranged marriages ... no religion enforces such things on marriage ... they only give a guidelines ... but ppl unfortunately do enfore their own version of beliefs :D

** Meat is taboo on certain days and if you eat it before or after going to the temple you will be punished by Lord Shiva

if one preached abstinence no one wud bother ... but since most ppl believe in god that excuse works ;) ... doesn't it ... its another excuse for fasting u know :) ... its a mind over sense thing ... of course unless u don't believe in fasting n consider that just an ordeal

** She chases me around the house with a tray of incense and I went to many exams with holy powder all over my face.

its an expression of your folks goodwill being with ya ... thats all ... I don't believe god changes how u do at ur exams ... but if your folks send you off with a smile n wishes galore it sure is a boost

if you see religious practices from the facade, then its out for a toss PERIOD. ppl who formulated religion are not a bunch of crack pots u know ... their prescriptions comes out of their experience of life

** If you dream of a tooth falling off then someone in your family is supposed to die?

this is where chinese whispers comes into play ... down the lineage ppl hav polluted the religious beliefs with their own fantasies ... by the way no religious text would say such things ... these have been just passed down by people :) ... of course our culture extends far beyond our religion

** Aussies are more logical and realistic than allowing a bird to decide their mood or the fate of a sick uncle!

if they r so logical and realistic y do they believe in some entity called god??

** It's really annoying and I wish I could shut them all up.

leave an ausi in india and am sure he'd behave the same way when he finds a fellow ausi ;) and say *phew*

every race have their own eccentricities dear ... just that you find some more acceptable that your cultures ... coz your's doesn't seem to reason out things to ur rational ... fair enuf ... its just sad to know that ppl don't take a pint of effort in trying to make sense of their own culture as much as others ... i.e. beyond what their folks can explain ... disowning ones own culture and making a burlesque is a vogue now :)

a very very once sided post ... its ez to make a burlesque of something we don't quite understand :) ... now don't ask me if I do :D ... I only understand bits and pieces of it

I do empathize on many things you said ... as in ur folks expectations to live like they did ... and secondly many of the things u go thru r coz ur not in ur homeland :) ... had you been there they wudn't have been bothered this much ;) ... most folks I'v known are accomodative as long as we can convince them ... guess we do our share of blind indulgence as much as their blindly forbiding things

Anonymous said...

LOL Keshi ...

Had fun reading this ...

Just one thing, Sri Lanka is to the west of Australia ...

Nah!

One feels more guilty coz things are not explained.I just relgiously follow the Diwali Puja and couple of more thats it.

Virginity is a touchy issue.I think it is more hype then substance.

But u dont want to lurk around trying to many adventurous things cos one mistake and thats an end.

So it is better to be safe then sorry, thats valid for both sexes.

Arranged marriages have graduated out cos there are many many marriages inter caste marriages and numbers are overwhelming.
Cant say much on arranged messages.But let see how things unroll.

Switch to Blogger Beta.

Vest said...

The total lady. Honest, kind, intelligent and incredibly beautiful.

Deepak Gopi said...

hi Keshi:)
Your post threw light on life of NRI's.
Your writing style is exellent.
Thankyou for visitng my page.
good day:)

The Grunt said...

This post was great, Keshi. I have been more familiar with Pakistani culture and have wanted to know more about Hindi, or as you called them "Curry". I come from a unique religious upbringing myself, only there are not a hundred or so million of my kind. I did note a lot of similarities in the dating, chastity, and obsession with marriage.

I gathered from your previous post that things did not end well between you and that boy. I'm sorry, Keshi. You are beautiful and will not suffer loneliness if you continue to show the truth that is you.

dinkan said...

quite interesting....almost all immigrants have these same problems....but unfortunately we dont have a choice to select our parents or our origin country...so as you said one have to take the good ones from both the cultures

Anonymous said...

hii Keshi!
thanks 4 stoppin by at my blog!
i did enjoy reading this post of urs!! haha!i did laugh thhinkin abt some of th things tt u have said! and i have 2 totally agree with u about the gossip partt!!!it gets on my nerves!:)
..and i guess i dont need2tell u that ur blog s great..:)
tata..take care..

dinkan said...

the same feelings of most of the immigrant community...the only way out is to take the good ones from the western culture and integrate only those to your east culture because unfortunately we dont have no option to choose our parents or country of origin...

Anonymous said...

hahaha... Awesome post. I remember a friend of mine graduated as an economist and got rejected for marriage by a 'curry family' because he wasnt an engineer or a doctor, even though he made more money than the girl and was very well settled in life.. it was funny..

Yea I like the openess associated with Aussie/US culture. They dont judge you for some body part.. they judge you for you... Anyways awesome post.. If you dont mind, can I send this to a couple of my desi friends in the US? Let me know.. Thanks

Anonymous said...

Hi,Keshi,This was an extremely funny post and had me grinning away all the time.Right from the daffynition of Curry family, to your Dad bashing a guy who whistled at you(I almost feel afraid to comment..what if ur family finds out so many people comment here?Just kidding).LOL at 'oldies chanting ram ram', and insisting u be fully covered...I fully agree with u..one should pick the good ingredients of both cultures and forget the bad ones.Good luck at being successful at this, today and in future.:)

AmitL(http://amitsmusings.wordpress.com)

Helen said...

Hi Keshi (I'll apologize in advance for the long comment I'm about to make).

Aaaah culture conflicts, this is one of the world's most interesting topics to me, and your account was very honest & revealing. You know I'm a historian, and while I study architecture now, I considered exploring anthropology at one time (BTW, what is your major? you have a lot of great observations, I'm guessing writing, social studies/science, or maybe art? but I digress)
One of my favorite works of fiction that dealt with this topic is a book called Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I was influenced by it b/c it discussed the culture of life and related it through the traditional Western creation myth. In a time and place where resources were limited to what was available solely by hunting or gathering, the size of your band had to be well-regulated. While the band encouraged the fruitfulness of their offspring, it was only to a degree and only by carefully manipulating the breeding rights of their daughters (whether a matriarchal or patriarchal society). Hence the emphasis placed on virginity (think about it, a band of one hundred women and one man could theoretically double in a year. However, a band of one hundred men and one woman would not have nearly the potential for such fecundity). A population explosion would require the band to either migrate/lead a nomadic lifestyle or battle with their neighbors for natural resources. Human's natural proclivity is to avoid confrontation, soooo better lock your lusty daughters than draw arms against your neighbors to the east. (Your lusty sons, however, are the problem of your neighbor who should be protecting/instilling values in his daughters, I know a double standard by todays values, but it was that or risk your farm animals sodomized) And if your neighbor to the east with lotsa land and resources has a well-mannered, handsome son who stands to inherit those resources and you look around and see your pretty daughter you say "Friend! come for some curried lamb and bring that fine son of yours"
Vestiges of these societies remain, and although the original reason for insisting on virginity is ambiguous, for some reason it just feels right (moral) to insist on the right type of man your daughter should marry.
That aside, there are psychological as well as physiological reasons for anyone (male or female) to not engage in SEX before a committed relationship has been established. But on to culture again.
Culture--essentially a group of individuals with shared values, belief systems, language, food, art, and habitation tendencies.
In the states, so much emphasis was placed on assimilation (esp. during the immigrant population explosions of the early twentieth century) that the intricacies of many cultures were lost, and unfortunately this tendency has burgeoned into a monoculture that really is indefinable.
What do most Weserners relate to? 1950s episodes of I Love Lucy? the first time they read Harry Potter? where they were on 9/11?
Dialects are becoming blurred (the cadence of New England used to be in stark contrast to the lilt and meter of the Deep South). Religion is being mainstreamed into these huge (thousands of people plus) ecclesiastic mega-churches (instead of small groups bonded around a common interest like community listening to one gal/guy who knows each person individually help them figure out their problems using the higher emotions of reason, compassion and understanding)
With the gross commercialization of food, our commonality regarding food revolves around a Mcsandwich, and regional food differences are shunted to the very poor or the gourmet pallet (hmmm, I'm not the only one to see the irony am I?).
Housing patterns that used to take into account climatic differences in regions are shadowed by pre-fabricated houses that don't consider the energy-use difference between florida and british columbia.
I could go on and on, but I'm not all doom and gloom, this monoculture has created generations that do feel free (b/c of modern developments in birth control and STD-treatment) to experiment with sex (however,while it's fun with someone you know and love, I hate thinking "was it YOU and I who tried position number 112 in the kama sutra? or was it so and so?" At this time in my life, I would rather my memories be just with my husband. But...that's me). We feel free to seek fulfillment with new religions, and we're so adventurous we would try anything from sushi to peote (obviously some decisions aren't always the wisest) Our generations wouldn't hesitate to switch careers half-way through life (or genders, or marriages, or countries, or languages). But we have to acknowlege and respect the fact that these opportunities only came on the backs of cultures that proverbially had "been there, done that" then established traditions and "rules" that ensured the most uniformly happy and surviving populace.
Keshi, you are an Indian in an Aussie world, but you can choose to be an Aussie-Indian or Curry as you're called. And it doesn't necessarily mean choosing which Indian value you prefer, it means cherishing them all with the balance of adapting to the appropriate environment (which, it sounds like you have done). Parents don't always know the WHY behind their particular propensities, (although if they would explain the why it would solve a lot of problems) they are just trying their best to remember what their mamas and papas and their religion taught them, and above all use the hindsight that comes from making mistakes to direct their sons and daughters into becoming even better people than they ever were.
Love them (mamas, papas, traditions, and Gods), and do your best to examine why you deviate if and when you do.
"An unexamined life is not worth living"--Socrates

P.S. someday I'll tell you MY crazy upbringing! (eye roll)

Anonymous said...

Oh Keshi, dear Keshi..why so frustrated about our orthodox culture...

we in India, have to endure a far more conservative society than you do..don't worry...things will get better.

Anonymous said...

Very well written and I one hundred percent agree with what you saying. It would be interesting to see in guy's perspective's too. May be some one can write that too...

Nice read. Hugggggggz!

Anonymous said...

very good post !!!

i agree some points but i do have some criticism as well.

your parents not allowing you for night outs****

this is where u tend to get spoil madam.....orgies n ganbangs are raised from such night outs..5guys fucking one girls ass whole etc etc., and once u slip ur leg ,its hardly possible to be back on track..i things parents are right here...

your second point was of virginity***

i read the comment from Ash saying

These are the very things i hate about Indian culture...all the arranged marriage and virginity crap.

i would like to say to ash ..madam u think that you are very mordern ! huh!!!

if there is no morality in ur character then ........

i dont say that only marraige should be arrange and u need to be virgin if ur applying virgin bla bla bla!!!! this the matter of honesty to ur partner are going to be partner...and i think being honest to be partner is common in any culture...

you third point was to cover your body when u visit ur uncles house*****

yes thats true .Hey you are not going to cabre bar ok. you are going to ur uncles house.If u dont cover ur body parts and if u dont respect the relationship then what will u do ha.......

your fourth point was gossip between aunties ****

i totally agree with you.Gossip is the worst habbit in indian culture and iam admit that

your fifth point was mumys being more religious****

well here again say is bit btw belif and superstious matter..

all in all cultures has there positives and negatives......

hey keshi iam sorry if i have been too strong are too personal

Take Care
Vikas{V}

Anonymous said...

very good post !!!

i agree some points but i do have some criticism as well.

your parents not allowing you for night outs****

this is where u tend to get spoil madam.....orgies n ganbangs are raised from such night outs..5guys fucking one girls ass whole etc etc., and once u slip ur leg ,its hardly possible to be back on track..i things parents are right here...

your second point was of virginity***

i read the comment from Ash saying

These are the very things i hate about Indian culture...all the arranged marriage and virginity crap.

i would like to say to ash ..madam u think that you are very mordern ! huh!!!

if there is no morality in ur character then ........

i dont say that only marraige should be arrange and u need to be virgin if ur applying virgin bla bla bla!!!! this the matter of honesty to ur partner are going to be partner...and i think being honest to be partner is common in any culture...

you third point was to cover your body when u visit ur uncles house*****

yes thats true .Hey you are not going to cabre bar ok. you are going to ur uncles house.If u dont cover ur body parts and if u dont respect the relationship then what will u do ha.......

your fourth point was gossip between aunties ****

i totally agree with you.Gossip is the worst habbit in indian culture and iam admit that

your fifth point was mumys being more religious****

well here again say is bit btw belif and superstious matter..

all in all cultures has there positives and negatives......

hey keshi iam sorry if i have been too strong are too personal

Take Care
Vikas{V}

Anonymous said...

I have a few Sri Lankan acquaintances here in Canada. I think EVERY one of them has said exactly the same thing as you!
:)

One of my staff is Sri Lankan, and her mum works in the office too. The daughter keeps scaring her mum, suggesting that I may want to date her (the daughter). heehee

kj said...

hello keshi, i am so overdue in visiting your blog. i plan to read some of your prior posts as i like your style and topics.

thanks for visiting my neck of the woods as well. i see ww has been giving you dating advice. hmmmm. maybe i can supplement his counsel here and there. hehehe

best wishes,
kj

pria said...

Keshi: Its always the kids who migrate or the first generation face such problems, coz the parents want them to have their roots to their children. Some take it and few do not care. Culture is not by eating masala/ spicy food and living like a god. Culture is a combination of of our thoughts taught by our parents and live with the existing ones.

I have heard ppl' say, if girl turn 13 we will go back to Inida. Damn. Will she not do t he same flirt ther too. Now ther are no restrictions for boys/girls to have their piece of cake. C'mon ppl' grow up.
If you go to Indian parties you shud see even older women show off ( if they wear at all) comapred to teenagers. Older women hearts are weak when they move here late coz they too wanna enjoy it literally.

Anonymous said...

I have been eternally banned from dating
What? You are kidding right?
Ours is a love marriage and we dated before tying the knot. There was no way I was gonna get in to an arranged thingy.
The things you mention in your post are probably a reason why we are not as plugged in to the desi community here. Although there are always exceptions. Not to disrespect Desi culture or values, but as you said you can live comfortably in both worlds.
Have you considered moving out for a while to live on your own (oh wait sorry I asked that)
Some aspects of both cultures are vastly overrated. It is ultimately up to the individual, as to how they live their lives.
BTW if we had a daughter she would be allowed to date, go out late and be empowered to make her own decisions.

s0ul said...

haha, well kesh i was brought up in 'curry' land so you cn imagine.. but surprisingly my parents were pretty liberal.. i only had a curfew time of 12 am, which i cannot imagine sticking to now.. but then it was HUGE.. and had to keep my cellfone on at all times.. if they wanted to call me (which was every 20 mins) to see if i was doing fine.. but yeah pujas before exams.. vegetarianism on certain days .. now it doesnt matter coz i've given up meat.. virginity lectures.. arranged marriage attempts.. oh boy.. i totally associate with this post.. i love the pics u put up kesh, very appropriate..!! :)

Anonymous said...

Sigh...

So many things for you to manage coz of the cultural difference. :)

I too face some here, and I do obey my parents as a good girl. [not all times though... hahha..]

But the Hindu rituals are interesting and mostly meaningful I believe.

much luv,
Aiz.

Anonymous said...

hemm that curry pot pic made me hungry.

Culture is only up to what you make of it. if youre proud if it then practise it. if you do it 365 times a year it doesnt make you extra special because the extend of the culture is only how much it teaches you. The rest would be just repetitions and redundant data. Parents are family and our origin is like a satelite beaming down a whole lot of redundant data. We spent s many years sieving through this to get the idea of it.

Now away from home, or away in a different place is just how you live life. it has nothing to do with culture. there is not culture of australia. There is the way of life of australia. Same goes with us. Teh culture is what makes you. But how you want to be and act out doesnt have any relation to that culture.

Remember, one is to make you proud of who you are, another is to define your place in this world. And the good thing is you can have both. :p

Anonymous said...

heheheh :)
All curry's are just hypocrites...as if they dont watch cleavage and legs when shown.
Here's one curry who thinks exactly the same way as you do... God is nice person he will forgive us :) Saying this I dont follow anything... :)

Anonymous said...

WOW - and I thought it was tough growing up Roman Catholic, you know you've probably heard of it - the faith that lives and dies by the degree of guilt that you carry around with you - LOL Of course there's more than that, but growing up thats exactly what my parents used to teach us right from wrong - good ol' Catholic guilt ~ consider yourself lucky :)

Meg

Shionge said...

I just want you to know that I was brought up in a very conservative Chinese family too and I do agree on keeping the good and throwing away bad traditional cultures.

amitsinha said...

hahahha ! I really like the song , have grown with it . I agree with most of the stuff, but u k what I feel , may be ur parents took extra care to imbibe the Indian culture in u , bcoz u were growing up there . they never would love 2 see, Keshi wearing a two piece bikni, drinking beer on beach with some firang guys. Hehhe its not that the girls who do it are bad, they are right, its their culture...I agree the Indians living outside can be more flexible ..but u k they miss their home back a lot .. so they dont want to loose or may be modify even a fraction of their own culture..Btw no doubt its a humerous and felt like making a movie on ur post.

Lera said...

Lovely song! Interesting Take on our cultural and traditional heritage and the eventual grooming of personalities ,Keshi, I did find Om shanti shanti..very Amusing .Smiles n hugzzz:))

Top cat said...

Great post keshi. I enjoyed reading about the cultures you come from.
You can come over, we'll get drunk eat vegetarian food and listen to Metallica but I promise we'll say some prayers first.(wink)
tc

Anonymous said...

Smiled all the way though that. :-D

starry nights said...

Interesting post Keshi and can somehow relate to it.I was a young single 20 yr old when I came to the US with my parents.And it was no picnic.I learned from these experiences and now that I have a teenage daughter I know better how to set limits and have found a balance between East and west.I have taught her to remember her origin and to take the best of the two cultures she has grown up with. She is allowed to bring friends over, and I have encouraged an open relationship with her so she does not have to hide anything, so much so that her friends boys and girls feel free to call and chat with me.I really think Balance is the key.You teach your children well and just pray that they learn the good from both.We just cannot go around saying our culture is the best because as we all know we do have our own shortcomings.There are a lot of things we can learn from the west also.Since we have chosen to live in the west we should embrace this as our own also.

sharda said...

Hey Keshi,great narration.I am sick and tired of following all those rituals you mentioned.And every ritual will come with a label "what's the harm in doing it?"

Anonymous said...

Thank God I got in,blogger problem again!
Well,most Indians parents are like that but not all of them!It is a menace,the way the older generation think.That's why there is somuch abuse against women but they can't get out!Social stigma!Hope you don't follow all that crap religiously.Live your life ,your way!!:))

Anonymous said...

Hi cutee
well we all seek identity .. which starts with Love , and extend to family , caste, riligion, country , race and species
so its ok .. live this
may be someday we can become individual .. some day

well was very hectic nd in betwene relaised u dated someone .. now that makes me jealous .. very jealous

sophie said...

my goodness Keshi - you are
a wonderful writer -
you should submit this to a magazine - truly-
i loved reading this -
made me giggle the poor fellow
who moved away for whistling at your as you are so beautiful:)
When it comes out you should
go see - "The Namesake" -
I love Jhumpar Lahiri and this
film (check out the trailer on
apple trailers) is amazing-
I did my practicum on exactly
this subject - the influence
of two cultures and celebrating
and embracing the best of both -
and you are all the more richer
for this gift of both cultures-

i was also envious of your
two religious/spiritual influences
as I was raised very very strict
Catholic in a convent but now
love the Muslim religion and the
Budhist as well for it's spiritual
love and inclusion of everyone.

hugs!

beautifully written Keshi girl!

:)

Aidan said...

Very entertaining and informative, as always keshi. I didnt know that arranged marriages were still prevalent in Australia. Imagine marrying someone you have never met. or no um *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* before mariage. I am not saying we have it right, sex has become almost trivial in this day and age, but try before you buy.

It is good to see that you do still respect your heritage and family which is something which is lost on most Aussies.

Take care out there..
Aidan

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

LOL ... that was good fun .... a little similar .... but ur parents seem really strict eh!

ok here I go:

1) Am not allowed to go to pubs ... even though my mom knows i don't n won't drink .. but she's scared someone might spike my drink .. n blaah n more blaah.


2) I don't party late night out .... coz
a) I know all me friends would get drunk n wasted n shit and i don't drink
b) Am sure its useless even asking for permission from me parents .. lol

3) We don't have any relatives here ... but whenever we're going out to meet friends or shoppin .. or whenever am buying clothes ... she makes sure that it's not too vulgar, i.e, showing a lot of cleavage ... otherwise she isn't fussy .. lets me wear halter necks and deep necks and off-shoulders and noodle straps :) And skirts too.

4) Am a vegetarian by choice(my parents dont eat non-veg as well ... but my sis eats chicken/meat) ...
its just coz i can't even imagine eating an animal ... my parents want me to eat fish n chicken though.

5) When am going for an exam .. she just wants me to pray to God .. that the paper be good .. and i remember all what i've studied :)
She's not very religious herself btw.
So no powders on the face ... no incense .. no nothing.


6) She lets me go out shopping, hang out with my university friends .... as long as she knows the people am out with .. she doesn't mind.

Me and a friend Maggie are planning a trip to Italy just before easter break ... mom's okay with it ... but dad's not very sure if he wants to send us both girls alone .. to roam arnd in rome .. stayin in hotels .. etc

7) My mom's never really talked to me about pre-marital sex, etc ot even sex for that matter ... But she is 100% SURE i would stay a virgin until am married .... and am sure about that too ... it's just am not very comfy losing my viriginity before i get married :)
She doesn't want me to use tampons btw ... LOLLLL

Surprisingly, there's an aunt of my mom ... who's talked to mom about a guy in the US, a software engineer ... 24 yrs of age ... n he can wait 2 yrs to get married ..... so she was actually trying to ask mom .. if I would be ready for marriage then!!

*fumes*

She doesn't mind love marriage ... but says ... i should only get into boyfriends, etc when i've completed my studies n settled and follow my sister's example.
(My sister had a love-cum-arranged marriage)

8) We're not superstitious at all.
We don't fast, etc except Karwachauth when mom fasts for dad.
Its my wish if i want to pray or not ... which God i want to ... when i want to .... there's nothing like i can't pray/go to temples when i hv my periods, etc

9) I'm allowed to talk to guys/girls (only university friends!!) for as long as I want .. and text them .. chat on messengers only with THEM (coz mom knows them!!)

10) If a guy looks at me badly ... or whistles at me when mom's around ... she asks me
a) Wear decent clothes next time (even if am wearin decent clothes alrdy! LOL)
b) Not to travel alone late night
c) Not to talk to strangers and keep my mobile, mp3 player and other stuff safe.

:P fuzzbox said...

I don't know that I could ever understand arranged marraiges.

Anonymous said...

your parents not allowing you for night outs****

this is where u tend to get spoil madam.....orgies n ganbangs are raised from such night outs..5guys fucking one girls ass whole etc etc., and once u slip ur leg ,its hardly possible to be back on track..i things parents are right here...

your second point was of virginity***

i read the comment from Ash saying

These are the very things i hate about Indian culture...all the arranged marriage and virginity crap.

i would like to say to ash ..madam u think that you are very modern ! huh!!!

if there is no morality in ur character then ........

i don't say that only marriage should be arrange and u need to be virgin if ur applying virgin bla bla bla!!!! this the matter of honesty to ur partner are going to be partner...and i think being honest to be partner is common in any culture...

you third point was to cover your body when u visit ur uncles house*****

yes thats true .Hey you are not going to cabre bar ok. you are going to ur uncles house.If u dont cover ur body parts and if u dont respect the relationship then what will u do ha.......


Sorry Keshi - but HAD to reply to this piece of garbage of a comment here. By going out a night does NOT = getting raped. That's is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of. He makes it sounds like like it was the frickin woman's fault she went out at night and got herself raped. WTF??
Does he not realise that the blame solely lies in the rapists/would-be rapists?? Nobody ASKS to be raped - wearing low cut clothes, going out at night, drinking does NOT mean you are up for getting raped. That's complete bullshit.

I hate that stupid Indian mentality that think going out/drinking/wearing whatver we want to is a sign of being 'modern' and make it sound like it's a bad thing. Having a view that virginity is soemthing that YOU decide not anyone else doesn't make you immoral. Ash - I would tell you ignore this fool...

I agree that at family functions it is better to dress more modestly and
I do, but again its that warped mentality that chooses to ignore that women do have a body. Wear whatever YOU feel comfortable in - don't think that if your parents 'let' you wear halter necks that they're doing you a favour.

Keshi said...

ty Nirek :)


-----------------------------------

Cinderella HUGGGGGGGZ n WB! I missed n missed n missed ya...hehe.

yep...at the end of the day, it's all good. Im richer for having 2 cultures in my life cos I can pick the best of both :)

-----------------------------------


aww so thats u My_Life? HUGGGGGGGGGZ! WC Poo! :)


** can you imagine food with out Onion and Garlic

yep it wud be like my sis' cooking...hahaha!

u said it right...we only live ONE life so live it the way YOU wanna live.


-----------------------------------


Ghee lol u got dizzy? So imagine my life hahaha!


**i think being ourselves is the best way to live our lives

Spot on!

-----------------------------------

Dalicia come over for dina :) I'll cook u some delicious SL curry...


Just live the way u want girl..thats all that matters.

-----------------------------------

hey Diva!

**But whenever he hugged me, i can smell the curry....

o cmon u serious? just cos he's Indian he cant smell like CURRY unless he helps his mum cook n then come to see u ard w.o. taking a shower...LOL!

-----------------------------------

heyya Soj!


**i guess we all just play along with the crowd we are in if necessary :)

guess so :)




Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Well Keshi.. I read ur post and seems more like an ABCD's post.. A can be Australian or American (born confused desi).. So I cant relate to whtever u have written here.. When I live outside of India now, I live on my own terms.. If i wanna follow something I wud.. Lets see how u continue when it comes to ur time of parenting and if u wud tell ur daughter to go ahead and date whoever she likes and stuff.. tht wud be a start.. I knw ppl generally impose restrictions and some of us wanna break free but its not always the case.. Unfortunately, in ur case its the former...

Keshi said...

hello Desperado!

hehe yeah it aint that bad but some of these things really annoy me mate.

**..concept of parenst living with their children.

I agree. Its ok as long as the individual wants to. But they shouldnt feel forced to.

-----------------------------------

o Samy Samy Samy :):) I think u got me totally wrong. I did say Im not demeaning or finding faults in any culture. This post was ONLY abt the not-so-great traits of us Indians. There r ofcourse great many qualities abt out vast and precious culture but thats altogether another post! All I wanted to say is that we need to blend in with the best of all cultures..especially if/when we r living overseas.

And u r not living overseas from ur motherland. So Samy u really cant see where Im coming from...it's so hard for u to be in my shoes when u have only lived in ur motherland. U know wut I mean? It's a totally different world when u grow up and work overseas, trying to strike a balance between ur own culture and the one ur adapting to.


**all these indulgence are sweet until you burn your fingers ...

I agree. But by preventing going out at night etc, can u stop something happening to u? some get raped/hurt staying at home! Cmon Samy :)


**if they r so logical and realistic y do they believe in some entity called god??

Being logical doesnt mean u shouldnt believe in a God??


**disowning ones own culture and making a burlesque is a vogue now

definitely not! But being too optimistic abt out own culture blinds us from seeing the best in others :)


**a very very once sided post

yep I agree...this is abt the down-side of our culture. As I said, the great qualities abt our culture is altogether another post :)

To me it seems u got upset over this post Samy. Well I didnt mean to let down our culture, but sometimes we have to open our eyes and minds to the unrealistic beliefs we go by just for our culture's sake. We have to be strong enough to criticise our own w.o. falling prey to our ego and patriotism. We have to learn what's good in us and what's bad in us, so that we can appreciate what we have and pick the good ones from other cultures too.

Thats all that I meant here Samy :), nothing else. And dun get me wrong, I love and respect my origins alot more than u think I do!

tnxxx matey!

-----------------------------------


Tarun ty :)


**So it is better to be safe then sorry, thats valid for both sexes.


true.


Wuts this craze abt Blogger Beta? LOL! ok tell me one good thing abt it and I'll switch :)



Keshi.

Keshi said...

gee tnxx Vest! :)


-----------------------------------

ty Deepak and hey WC!


-----------------------------------


u too Grunty? awww...but u turned out to be a real gentleman..thats great :)


**You are beautiful and will not suffer loneliness if you continue to show the truth that is you.

aww tnxx n heyy u really make me feel special. HUGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Dinkan heyy!


**but unfortunately we dont have a choice to select our parents or our origin country...

true..but I love my country, parents and origins. All Im saying is to achieve a balance from all the exposures. tnxx :)

-----------------------------------

hey Shammu WC n tnxx!

omg the gossip part is sooo common LOL!


-----------------------------------

Akshay hey tnxx and Im gladu like this post :)

** got rejected for marriage by a 'curry family' because he wasnt an engineer or a doctor

WTF! LOL thats soooo typical of Desis! Im sure he found someone better, who appreciates him for who he is and not cos of his job title!

ofcourse u can pass this on to our friends Akshay...no probs!


-----------------------------------

heyya Amit ty!

Im glad u liked the post and that it made u laugh LOL!


-----------------------------------

A wholesome and near-perfect analysis yet again Helen ty! Loved the way u saw this post.

My initial degree was in Comp Sc. My Masters degree was a major in Marketing. So na I wasnt into Arts at Uni altho I sound like ha :)

Ur a very educated lady with so much knowledge and wisdom.


**That aside, there are psychological as well as physiological reasons for anyone (male or female) to not engage in SEX before a committed relationship has been established. But on to culture again.

true. I agree. It's totally upto the individual and not the culture. Thats what I mean.

I like the fact that u want to have intimate memories only with ur man. I totally agree cos Im like u too :). But thats not cos of my culture, it's the way I am. Alot of my Indian friends have slept with their BFs even b4 getting married. but I can never do that. Cos thats just me.

And I agree parents want the best for their kids. And Im glad I was blessed with my mum n dad. Altho my mum is strict in certain ways, she's also quite liberal in other ways. She's a well-balanced woman in her thinking. That I admire.

ty Helen and u r being hugged :).



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe ok then Ganesh :)

ty!

-----------------------------------

heyy Contented!

**It would be interesting to see in guy's perspective's too

why dun u write it for us then? :) Wud be a great read.

-----------------------------------


Vikas heyy hows u? :)


**.....orgies n ganbangs are raised from such night out

hehe not necessarily. Cmon Vikas that dun happen everywhere! It only happens in the lowest of places. And 'going out at night' dun mean that at all! Going out for a drink or with some friends dun end up in that..no ways! I agree that it can be danegrous at night, but if u know what ur doing and ur going out with a safe bunch of ppl, then there's nothing to worry :)


Abt what Ash said...well I kinda agree with her. Virginity is a very personal matter and in the end its really the individual's decision.

**if there is no morality in ur character then ........

Morality doesnt always get measured by Virginity Vikas. One could be a virgin but a really mean person. Wud u marry such a girl? Or wud u marry a girl who's lost her virginity but is a good person? Which one wud u choose?


**this the matter of honesty to ur partner are going to be partner...and i think being honest to be partner is common in any culture...

Losing ur virginity doesnt mean u lost all ur honesty! sometimes ppl make mistakes in life and they cant go back. what happens then? I agree that sleeping ard is def not the way to go abt in life, but what if a good girl lost her virginity to a guy she truly loved and then later cudnt marry him? And then what abt the guys? Dont they need to preserve their virginity too then?

I know where ur coming from Vikas...I understand that sex is not a game...it should be with the one u love. But Love can happen many times in a person's life. And it's truly upto the individual to decide on that...not the culture.


**all in all cultures has there positives and negatives......

I totally agree :)


hey Vikas no hard feelings at all...Im glad ur being honest with ur comment here. I like such comments. Good to be open when we discuss these things. TY Vikas! :)



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey St.Dickeybird!

**too. The daughter keeps scaring her mum, suggesting that I may want to date her

hehe so why dun u? ;-)


-----------------------------------

KJ hey no probs :) ty!


-----------------------------------

ty Pria ur spot on!


** Older women hearts are weak when they move here late coz they too wanna enjoy it literally.


LOL so true! Thats a very valid point. Its like they have missed out on the fun, so they want us to suffer too.


-----------------------------------

Sanjay I know ur a very liberal person...I like that.

Dating when I was younger was taboo. I had no other way than sneakout from the bakk to meet my BF :):). But these days I have no restrictions there...u know, always after getting my mum's approval tho LOL!


**if we had a daughter she would be allowed to date, go out late and be empowered to make her own decisions.

definitely! U'll be a great dad..how lucky ur daughter is gonna be.

ty matey!

-----------------------------------


LOL Purnima! Im glad u cud relate to this post...my mum even panics if Im late from work...duhhhhhhhhh!


-----------------------------------

Aish hey yeah some of them r quite meaningful too :) I agree.


-----------------------------------

hey Ghosty tnxx!

**Teh culture is what makes you. But how you want to be and act out doesnt have any relation to that culture.


I agree...ur spot on! But culture does affect the way u choose to live..doesnt it?


-----------------------------------


LOL KK I like ur comment! So honest.


**as if they dont watch cleavage and legs when shown.


hahaha soooooo true! I have noticed that its the curries who stare at my chest more often than the Aussies on the train!!


-----------------------------------

Meggzy hey hugggggggggz!

**good ol' Catholic guilt

omg u too...really? that sounds quite hard to have lived with. :(


-----------------------------------

ty Shionge!


-----------------------------------

Amit make a movie then and invite me for the opening session :)


**but u k they miss their home back a lot .. so they dont want to loose or may be modify even a fraction of their own culture..

yeah I agree. It's cos our parents r still stuck in the culture and so they wanna preserve it overseas too.


-----------------------------------

LOL Lera Im glad u liked this post, ty!


-----------------------------------

Top_Cat heyy ty!


**You can come over, we'll get drunk eat vegetarian food and listen to Metallica but I promise we'll say some prayers first

hell na I want some meat :) Mettalica wud be just perfect whoaaa! Prayers? LOL Keshi n prayers!


-----------------------------------

:):) ty Autumn!



-----------------------------------


Starry that was a great and an unbiased comment, ty!


** I have encouraged an open relationship with her so she does not have to hide anything

terrific! The way to be. She's lucky to have a mum like ya.


**We just cannot go around saying our culture is the best because as we all know we do have our own shortcomings.

Starry Im glad that u realise this. Cos not alot of our own ppl want to admit that!

ty sweetie!

-----------------------------------

Sharda sooo true!!



-----------------------------------

Asha hey HUGGGGGGGZ!

yeah not all r like that...my mum's alot liberal now that she's been living here in Aus for a long time.


**That's why there is somuch abuse against women but they can't get out!

so true. It's like women dun still have a place. U know even when Mr.Darcy's family didnt want him to see me cos we were the same age...I was kinda shocked! Cos they have been living in Aus for so long, and his sis is living together with an Aussie (not yet married) and they r still acting soooo DESI! Shockers LOL!

-----------------------------------

Hazel heyy!

**.. live this
may be someday we can become individual

Spot on!


u were jealous cos I was dating someone last week? LOL dun be..its over now.


-----------------------------------

Sophie aww ty! Hey I aint such a great writer but I enjoy what I write and it comes from my heart. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ n thank God for ppl like u in my life!


**Jhumpar Lahiri

havent heard of that one..will look for it now, ty!

it must have been hard for u too growing up in a Catholic family. I have Catholic friends and I know how difficult it is.

-----------------------------------

ty Aidan!


** didnt know that arranged marriages were still prevalent in Australia

Hell they do! Altho they r a bit more open these days. Why d u think Mr.Darcy (a very Aussie Indian) still went with his dad n sis' opinion? :)


oyeah...best to try b4 u buy...but I wont have that option available for me. I mean I can get to know the guy b4 I marry but there's no way I'd be sleeping with him b4 marriage. I can do it if I want to, but Im really FOR sex-after-marriage. Its not culture..its just me hehe.


-----------------------------------


Cheesy LOL nice comment, ty!


**Am sure its useless even asking for permission from me parents

hahahaha!


**its just coz i can't even imagine eating an animal

u really had me thinking there.. :(


**She doesn't want me to use tampons

LOL haha she sounds soooooo like my Ma!


**n he can wait 2 yrs to get married .

sounds like someone I know...wait a min...sounds like many ppl I know LOL!



**Wear decent clothes next time (even if am wearin decent clothes alrdy! LOL)

OMG my mum says the same! I wear halter-necks, boob-tubes etc but u should see my mum's face then.


tnxxx Cheesy HUGGGGGGGGGZ!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

LOL Fuzzy!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Silvara hey no probs there at all. Say wutever u wanna say here :)

Yes I replied to Vikas' comment too. Did u read that? I guess Vikas dunno what it is to live in a different country and trying to achieve a balance between both cultures...cos he's in India. So yeah, I explained things to him too.



**By going out a night does NOT = getting raped.

I guess what u said was 100% correct. Going out at night is not equivalent to getting raped! That's a very wrong impression of the Western world that alot of Indians have.


**He makes it sounds like like it was the frickin woman's fault she went out at night and got herself raped. WTF??

yes :) ur right. It aint the woman's fault. This is typical Desi mentality Silvara...told u na hehehe.


**I hate that stupid Indian mentality that think going out/drinking/wearing whatver we want to is a sign of being 'modern' and make it sound like it's a bad thing.

yep..unfortunately thats the way alot of Indians in India think of the we Indians overseas. But ofcourse some parts of India right now r actually worse than the Western countries when it comes to Clubbin etc. I heard that youngsters in India r too Westernised now.


**Having a view that virginity is soemthing that YOU decide not anyone else doesn't make you immoral.

Exactly wut I told him too :).



**I agree that at family functions it is better to dress more modestly and

I agree too...tho I made it sund funny :):)


**Wear whatever YOU feel comfortable in - don't think that if your parents 'let' you wear halter necks that they're doing you a favour.

Spot on Silvara! ty for this. I hope Vikas sees things clearly now.


Vikas no hard feelings mate. We r just explaining how we feel ok. Thanks!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Viv!


**I read ur post and seems more like an ABCD's post.. A can be Australian or American (born confused desi)..

hehe I aint confused at all but :) Its a true situation.


**So I cant relate to whtever u have written here.. When I live outside of India now, I live on my own terms.. If i wanna follow something I wud..

cos u obv dun live there with ur family. And ur a guy. That makes a HUGE difference in Indian families!



**Lets see how u continue when it comes to ur time of parenting and if u wud tell ur daughter to go ahead and date whoever she likes and stuff..

How d u conclude that abt me? I mean that I'd tell my daughter to date whoever she wants! Thats such a harsh judgement abt me Viv! By that Dating details in this post, I didnt mean I wish my parents let me date whoever! Im sorry u cudnt get the point of that part.



**I knw ppl generally impose restrictions and some of us wanna break free but its not always the case.. Unfortunately, in ur case its the former...

I didnt get that...how d u mean?


Well Viv I didnt mean to put down my culture, if thats how u saw this post. UI find it amusing that alot of Indian boys dun wanna admit some of their culture's short-comings. And thats the biggest problem when it comes to tackling it anyways. The admitting part.

tnxxx!


Keshi.

fergal said...

hi Keshi - i really enjoyed this thoughtful & informative post - it gives me more appreciation of the daily challeneges, and choices, which u face. it can't be easy! some of my background is irish, but the irish culture is generally not to different from the typcial australian (although the irish place more importance on being catholic than the average aussie!).

well, i don't know what else to say/advise except that i recommend that u at least stay close to your Buddhist heritage & values - espceially, just create & follow your own unique middle path ;-D

~

Tarun said...

Both cultures are at their extreme...too much freedom of western and too much restriction of east both have problems....

Tarun said...

BTW, nice descriptive post :)

jillie said...

I was considered the "black sheep" or "wild one" of the family because I left my family in the midwest (Wisconsin) and moved to California.

I can't imagine having arranged marriages....yikes.

But I totally enjoyed your blog...great post ;o)

Blessed said...

What a very enlightening and interesting post!
You know I'm Catholic and during lent we cannot eat meat of Fridays.
We also have time for fasting.

NEwho, would your mum be upset if you married an Aussie?
Does she want to arrange a marriage for you?

Sujit said...

its true.. its happens.. you are a sandwich between two cultures and confused :(..

Keshi said...

so u have Irish roots Feregal. WOW I like the Irish culture...especially the river dance :)


**i recommend that u at least stay close to your Buddhist heritage & values - espceially, just create & follow your own unique middle path

yep thats what Im doing. Actually Im better off than many other Indian girls. Cos my mum isnt too bad when it comes to all this. She's quite a liberal woman.


-----------------------------------

thats so true Tarun!



-----------------------------------

Jillie so ur the 'black sheep' of the family ha? I guess ur really the 'enlightened sheep'...hehe.

ty sweetie!


-----------------------------------

Blessed hey I know that Catholics r pretty strict too.


**would your mum be upset if you married an Aussie?
Does she want to arrange a marriage for you?

No she wudnt be upset if I marry outside our culture. She's a very liberal woman now. Just that she still hangs on to few traditions and customs of the culture every now n then :). She tried some arranged marriages for me...u know meeting the guy and then deciding whether I like to proceed with him...I didnt' like any of em! Now I have asked her to stop that silly game hehe. SO yeah, she just leaves me alone these days. She'd be happy if I find someone on my own.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe Sujit ty!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Sujit aapko naam bundar cos it's cute :)

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

no i was in front of shower and thinking whether to turn it on or not? Tough question. anyway. I feel when u will be a mom or dad you will also have same feelings which ur mom or dad have. Imagine if I tell you my mom and dad still dont allow me to attend late night parties. I am a guy. I am totally a rebel now and my parents know they cant stop me. But may be when one day I find my life partner and have my kid I will behave like them. Don't worry. I have body spray and today I plan to take bath. I am serious

Anonymous said...

Good one, and well explained. I didnt know u r in australia, coz i m in sydney as well.
Where r u in aus ??
Keep in touch...
Cheers

Keshi said...

LOL Kumar! ewwwwwwww u stink hehehe.

yeah I know wut u mean..parents cant just let loose their kids. All Im saying is that too many rules can make the kids feel deprived of fun and LIFE.

:)
Keshi.

Keshi said...

heyya Vaibhav ur from Sydney? THANK GOD! Cos all this time I felt like I was in Neptune cos all my blogger friends r from far away lands!

Im in the South of Syd. What abt u?



Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Hey Keshi,

I tot only traditional chinese like my mum so ever old-fashioned will only wanna "tie" their kids to them.. It never came across my mind tat Indians too...

Well, parents are parents. Their kids will always be kids in their eyes.. It's like they're so afraid tat the kids will leave them in a corner of the Earth when they grow up & have their own families...

My mum is one of them, She "eyes" on me all the time when i was still schooling... Now, she has loosen up abit only.. HaHa..

Dun think too much abt all these.. If you really love someone which ur parents object, will u leave him?

For me, i won't & i didn't. My current bf.. My mum hated him to core in the past. I simply duno why too.. Now, they are ok already. I didn't leave my bf cos i love him. This is the power of love i suppose.. :) If i have left him, i wouldn't be wat i am today :)

During sec sch days, i've been to church consistently every week although my family is Buddhist. At first i kept it from my mum cos she is so #%#@%#$... But after my results improved, she allowed me to go church. But i dun like the feeling of going to my "tat" church.. So i have stopped after i met my current bf. He's also from the same church.. (Both of us dislike the "feeling" in "tat" church) Now, we are both back to Buddhist :) We go for wat we both truely & wholeheartedly believe & not by the majority or by force.. :)

Currently, as u can see from my blog, i am living happily :)

Some things, we can't stop them from happening. Instead of trying to run away from these things, we should face them bravely & "counter-attack" them face to face so tat we will be able to live happily in future :)

Right?

Thumbelina

Anonymous said...

You know,it u need to login before a comment, it is a touch easier in Blogger Beta, plus there is lot more u can do with u template(I dont think u have ever changed ur template).

A lot more with ur blog feeds u can always see it when u login.

niki yokota said...

it was sooo much fun to read this like a soap opera lol
chorry i couldnt make a comment last night. blogger's prob(?)

shruti said...

hi keshi,
thats not the story out there only..
you can imagine how much restriction a girl can have here in india....and all that gossips where all the oldies meet regularly and whenever i happen to in my home, certain questions like..when you are gonna marry,and everytime certain photographs sessions..
just take care of urself...

PrAcHi said...

Okay.. I will not agree on everything here. I stay in India, but my parents are quite liberal (in comparison with others). But yeah.. I know, this happens with all my cousins who are settled abroad.

It’s because of the culture difference keshi. Parents are born and brought up in a different culture. They spend more than 30 years following their own culture, and then suddenly when they go to some other country.. it’s very difficult for them to adapt that culture. Where as children they are brought up in the country where everything is completely different. They see the things happening around the, but they are not allowed to do all that.

It’s all confusion! I agree there should be a perfect mixture of both the cultures. But the thing is, our parents are born in such a culture where there is a lot of importance to the relatives.. people around you.. what they will say n blah blah. They never want to hear anything bad about their children. So sometimes they make you do such a things. But I can tell you the intention is always good.

Anonymous said...

Hey Keshi...Sorry girl..didn't realise I went off my head at him...you explained so much more nicely :D Ahhh..that temper of mine...gotta keep in check...it's just that when people have such narrow-minded views without even thinking logically about what they are saying REALLY annoys me.

Anonymous said...

Living between two sets of rules, two sets of living is hard and I try and balance it - I am a 'modern' Indian woman and proud of it - I will wear sexy clothes, go out with my friends to clubs and occasionally drink when there is a need but in the same instance I do a puja everyday after I shower - I am not a virgin and am unmarried - but the only man I will sleep with will be my husband (and soon! yay!). I don't believe I am a 'bad' Indian woman who has forgotten her morals - I respect my culture but I know its limits and boundaries on my own self.

Anonymous said...

Keshi.. u got me wrong here.. The post does seem like u r cribbing.. U may wanted to make it funny but its a collection of facts and I am not sayin u r wrong.. these things exist and we normally wouldnt have a prob at home (Ind/Sl) following them but then thats changing nowadays.. but when it comes to doing the same outside our country, it seems outta place.. if ur whole point of the post was to show shortcomings in the culture, then u r already contradicting urself. As u say boys and gals r treated differently and I do feel bad abt it but I guess thts y we dont feel so bad abt these like u do.. As for the dating part, tht was just a part of an example.. All I meant was it remains to be seen if u raise ur children the same way as they being a 2ng generation is it or 3rd in Aussie land and obviously wud feel outta place if u force the culture on them.. And parents there or in US r strict till their children r 16 yrs of age and then not bothering as much but in india it extends way beyond.. its for u guys to carry it on or not..

Anonymous said...

//As most of you might know an Indian girl's night out would be eating sweets in the bedroom listening to loud music till she falls asleep//

hahaha! U forgot to tell about those teddy bears!!!! Without which no Indian girl Sleeps!!! :)

But whatever be it, I lovvvveee Indian girls! :)

Anonymous said...

//Even before mum says a NO with a Puri-sized 'O', //

Laughing out loud! Girl, you have an awesome sense of humour!!

San Nakji said...

Kia Ora from Aotearoa New Zealand

You are the most popular person ever to comment on my blog! Thank you so much :)

SN

Anonymous said...

i think you are a female incarnation of "Periyar" An atheist who fought for the upliftment of backward classes in Tamil Nadu and also a staunch opposer of these stupid rituals and customs and other superstitions!)!! :)

Just kidding! :)

ann said...

very interesting and very educational... many of us live cultural and religious lives differently to our host nation... a huge melting pot of diversity... delicious.

KJ said...

i thot my mom & dad were strict...

I can say that indian parents are very possesive abt their kids, unlike the parenst from western wrld. they like their kids to be tied to their strings...

i just hope that i give di enuff freedom to turn out to be a wonderful person as you are..

hugs

KJ

KJ said...

i thot my mom & dad were strict...

I can say that indian parents are very possesive abt their kids, unlike the parenst from western wrld. they like their kids to be tied to their strings...

i just hope that i give di enuff freedom to turn out to be a wonderful person as you are..

hugs

KJ

Anonymous said...

Morality doesnt always get measured by Virginity Vikas. One could be a virgin but a really mean person. Wud u marry such a girl? Or wud u marry a girl who's lost her virginity but is a good person? Which one wud u choose?****

i did not mean that loosing virginity is not having morality.I think u did not get me.....i mean to say is there should be morality in realtioship with whom ur loosing ur virginity.I hope now u got me what i want to say****

Losing ur virginity doesnt mean u lost all ur honesty! sometimes ppl make mistakes in life and they cant go back. what happens then? I agree that sleeping ard is def not the way to go abt in life, but what if a good girl lost her virginity to a guy she truly loved and then later cudnt marry him? And then what abt the guys? Dont they need to preserve their virginity too

keshi this is what i meant to say...i think now u got what i want to say..i meant loosing virignity to ur loved person is not wrong..but........

I know where ur coming from Vikas...I understand that sex is not a game...it should be with the one u love. But Love can happen many times in a person's life. And it's truly upto the individual to decide on that...not the culture.

hey keshi we all come from same world and same culture....there is no point of from where do we come....

Iam very happy to know the one who is very open on discussions..

Take Care
Vikas{V}

Anonymous said...

Hello keshi..iam fine :) was up with u?



**hehe not necessarily. Cmon Vikas that dun happen everywhere! It only happens in the lowest of places. And 'going out at night' dun mean that at all! Going out for a drink or with some friends dun end up in that..no ways! I agree that it can be danegrous at night, but if u know what ur doing and ur going out with a safe bunch of ppl, then there's nothing to worry :)


Hehehe….i agree with that..but I mean to say is this why parents stop us to go out in nights…




**Morality doesnt always get measured by Virginity Vikas. One could be a virgin but a really mean person. Wud u marry such a girl? Or wud u marry a girl who's lost her virginity but is a good person? Which one wud u choose?


Hey I don’t say to measure by virginity keshi..i think u should do that with ur love or partner…not for fun sake .which is the fashion in today’s world…



**Losing ur virginity doesnt mean u lost all ur honesty! sometimes ppl make mistakes in life and they cant go back. what happens then? I agree that sleeping ard is def not the way to go abt in life, but what if a good girl lost her virginity to a guy she truly loved and then later cudnt marry him? And then what abt the guys? Dont they need to preserve their virginity too then?

Hey keshi again that’s what I want to say is loose ur virginity to your love.,,and about guys..yeh even they should do the same..thats why I talk about honesty keshi

I know where ur coming from Vikas...I understand that sex is not a game...it should be with the one u love. But Love can happen many times in a person's life. And it's truly upto the individual to decide on that...not the culture.



**hey Vikas no hard feelings at all...Im glad ur being honest with ur comment here. I like such comments. Good to be open when we discuss these things. TY Vikas! :)
Hey keshi we all belong to one community that is humanity. I think so we all must have one thing in common,,that is honesty..right


iam happy that ur very much open to discussions..iam like them


Take Care
Vikas{V}

it's the little things said...

What an interesting and excellent peek into your life and culture. I'm glad I stopped by!

Anonymous said...

nature blog is immortal...

I was not feeling happy leaving my nature blog like that.

much luv,
Aiz.

Anonymous said...

Even though I live in the Mumbai, the Urbs Primus of India, almost everything mentioned in this post applies to me as well! I'm vegetarian, non-smoker, teetolaller out of choice and a practising Hindu as well but the 'no-dating, no late nights no-this no-that' gets on my my nerves too. In fact my parents don't know I've a boyfriend ;-) And I'm glad they don't read my blog!

Anonymous said...

Curries are the S** starved people not the aussies :)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Hiya Kesh.."Curries"...I love the sound of tht..How come we dont have tht terminology back i the West??

Taking the best of each culture is the way, but we ought to know wht is the best.....Yesterday I believed tht certain culture is the best as it allowed this n tht, today I feel different n tomorrow I will have another opinion...

I rather be happy with wht I follow,add certains things n minus them at other times--- culture tht is! :)

s0ul said...

whr is my loooooooong comment?? :(( i dont see it here!! :(( kesh, u dont love me anymore!! :((
lol.. im wondering wht happd to it..

Within Without said...

Hi Kesh...

I couldn't read all the comments but Helen's was fascinating and I agree with what Tanjay said.

Given what recently happened with that guy you met, and what you're saying here, you seem somewhat trapped by your culture and your family.

I don't mean to offend your culture or your family, but is it time to consider moving out and being on your own and being entirely who you want to be? And be with?

That seems like an unbelievably restrictive upbringing you've had with far too much family influence.

But again...what do I know? Maybe this is exactly how you want things to be.

Sugababee said...

loved it! a good read... long but very detailed:)

lol this is where the term ABCD comes from innit. American Born Confused Desi... i like to think im not one, imma good indian girl...lol :p
Great post Kesh!

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetie,
happy new year, hope you're doing great.
TC

Will come back to catch up

mommyof2 said...

interesting post:-) I think first generation of immigrants go through more as parents wants to stick to their roots but afterwards its not that bad:-)

Tom Bailey said...

I had no idea all this stuff was a way of thinking. I like all the positive aspects. Quite a bit you have to consider.

The Phoenix said...

I think a great balance could be for you to take the best of both worlds.

Keshi said...

hey Thumbelina ty!

** At first i kept it from my mum cos she is so #%#@%#$...

LOL she cant be that bad??


so wut if u 22 r from different churches...OMG some ppl r sooo shallow! Im glad u stick to what u wanna do and thats the way it should be. HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

-----------------------------------

Tarun ty! I will try to do it next week or so.

yeah I havent changed my template at all...only cos I like the background colors as it is right now...it's so much easier to read the posts and also blends well with any colored-pics. :)

-----------------------------------


Niki ty! :):)


-----------------------------------


Shruti heyy!


**..when you are gonna marry,

OMG I sooo know that qn! Im actually pretty sick of it. My aunts now dun ask me that qn cos I give them a look even b4 they open their mouth...chup chup u know..hahaha!

-----------------------------------


Prachi I totally agree :) It's all for the good of their children and thats great that a parent can be that committed and devoted to their kids' life. I admire that in Indian culture. I really do.

** They never want to hear anything bad about their children

So true! Thats my mum's only life mission LOL! awww she's so sweet.

-----------------------------------


Silvara hey no probs girl..u r free and entiltled to feel what u feel and say it here just the way it is dear. I have no restrictions on that in my blog. I like to see ppl's true re-actions and honest comments. So just like Vikas told us his honest feelings, u said ur's too. And I appreciate that. ty sweetie.


**I am a 'modern' Indian woman and proud of it

Yes u and i r exactly that...and we r proud of it. Very proud of it. Let anybody think anything they wanna think...as long as we r doing what's right for us, who cares na? :) HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

I cant wait to see ur wedding pics...when is the wedding gonna be?

-----------------------------------

Viv heyy!

**The post does seem like u r cribbing.

aha no ways...u got me wrong again. Im not cribbing here...why d u think so? Im just pointing out the differences. And in no way am I unhappy abt who I have turned out to be as a person. I thank my parents for bringing me up the way they did. But all Im saying is that a lil bit of more logic and freedom wudnt have hurt.

anyways tnxxx Viv!

-----------------------------------


Karthik heyy :)

**U forgot to tell about those teddy bears!

LOL I dun...I mean I dun sleep with a teddy. Tho I have a huge collection of teddies haha!


**Periyar

ROFL! ty I feel like a goddess now :):) Can u keep flowers in front of my house and worship me plz?? ;-)


-----------------------------------


Welcome San_Nakji Kia Ora!

I have been to NZ sooo many times I've lost count :) I have most of my closest cousins living in AKL. How nice to hear from a Kiwi :) Keep coming ard mate and TY!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Ann hey ty!

** a huge melting pot of diversity.

that it is! :)


-----------------------------------

KJ yep some Indian parents r too strict.

** just hope that i give di enuff freedom to turn out to be a wonderful person as you are..

awww ty sweetie!


-----------------------------------

Vikas heyy :)


**.....i mean to say is there should be morality in realtioship with whom ur loosing ur virginity

alrite I know wut u mean. We r indeed talking abt such situations here Vikas.


**where ur coming from

LOL Vikas when I said that, what I meant was where ur ideas r coming from...I didnt mean the country u live in!! I hope u understand me now :)


**not for fun sake .which is the fashion in today’s world…

Ofocurse. Some ppl do it for fun/trend and those r stupid ppl. We aint talking abt them Vikas :)

btw Silvara had a comment for u...did u read that?


Anyways ty for the clarifications. Have a good day mate!

-----------------------------------


hey Its_The_Little_Things WC! :) and tnxxx.



-----------------------------------

hey Aish :) u write beautifully no matter what.


-----------------------------------

Hello Julia u too? Keshi rolling eyes...LOL!


**In fact my parents don't know I've a boyfriend

ooo lala ;-) As long as u r honest with each other, it doesnt matter na. But I hope some day u tell ur parenst abt him and that u both get married - hehe Keshi's desi mentality creeping in now LOL! Good luck sweetie!

-----------------------------------

KK heyy!


**Curries are the S** starved people not the aussies

OMG ty soooo much for being so honest! And u being a curry guy, Im so glad u cud be honest. Thats so true. Curries r sex-starved cos most of them dun get to have sex b4 marriage. And then they go and insult other cultures calling em sex-crazy etc etc. So yeah U R SPOT ON KK, ty! :)


-----------------------------------

heyy Scribblez ur spot on! We have to know what's good...and that often is quite subjective. What's good for u may not be good for me.

**I rather be happy with wht I follow,add certains things n minus them at other times

Exactly!

-----------------------------------

Purnima I didnt get that comment...awww Blogger must have eaten it :(

but I got just one comment from u earlier which is published already. Blogger goes mental sometimes.


-----------------------------------


heyy WW hows u matey?


**but is it time to consider moving out and being on your own and being entirely who you want to be? And be with?

nah I guess ur right...i have to who I want to be and I think to a certain extent I am that. But there's a huge culturally-influenced part of me that won't leave that easily...things like living with the family till I get married, having to get approval for certain changes in my life etc. Those r hard-to-change qualities of my life WW. It's not so easy to break away from em.

but like u said, Im much more free than most Indian girls out there. Cos my family is a much more liberal family compared to many strict Indian families. So actually Im luckier.


-----------------------------------

hey Good girl Suga! LOL ok then I so believe that :):)


**American Born Confused Desi

Me not born in Aus...but lived a long enough in Aus to be confused haha!

-----------------------------------


hey Chris WB HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! ty n same to ya sweetie.


-----------------------------------


aha Mommy. So hows u?


-----------------------------------

hehe Tom :)



-----------------------------------

Exactly what I mean Phoenix, ty!




Keshi.

Arz000n said...

No wonder you are ma currry-e-Sista :)

Man, I think thats exactly the same kind of treatment Im getting at home by my parents too...

Think you had a similar post couple of days back...almost on the similar lines...

You are sandwiched b/w Aussie and Sri lankan culture...me trynna adopt the brit culture in here ...


Hmmm...the only thing thts gonna make it more messy is me marrying ma IRISH neighbor...I seriously need to take full advantage of Valentines day thts coming now ;)

Wish me luck!!!

Hehehe...

Keshi said...

hey mah sweet Curry-brother z000nie howdy? :)

goshh u do u'stand my dilemma now na z000nie? Cos u live in UK u must know what it is to try n balance both cultures.

ah ah Ma's not gonna b so happy abt an Irish wife for u LOL!

r u seriously in love with this girl?

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Hi Keshi,

** LOL she cant be that bad??

- Yup! She was very very particular in almost every single thing. Even sometimes the wa we dressed... -_-


** so wut if u 22 r from different churches...OMG some ppl r sooo shallow!

- Ya.. They tried ways & means to "force" us to stay but in the end, i told them straight, if i wan Jesus in my life, any church will do. I do not necessary must stay in this church.. With tat, they left me alone.. :)

**Im glad u stick to what u wanna do and thats the way it should be.

- Yeah. It feels more like ourselves doing the things we want to. It simply feels great!

Thumbelina

Arm Pitt said...

Fuunny! Where did you get that pic of the guy with a garland and sacred thread? I think I might look like him this June as my folks are planning on a sacred thread ceremony (not wedding!). Cracked me up whn i saw that pic!

Keshi said...

LOL Arm! I got it from FOTOSEARCH website.

btw wut r they keeping that ceremony for?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ooops sorry Thumbelina I nearly missed ya :)

Ur mum needs to calm down a bit...some parents need to realise that their kids r not their belongings. Every one is an individual and even parents cant expect their kids to think/say/act just like they did/do.

Good luck sweetie!
Keshi.

Arm Pitt said...

the sacred thread (white) is supposed to be worn by brahmins. A ceremony is conducted where the priest in front of all relatives, puts the thread around the guy's shoulder. That makes you a brahmacharya or something - a bachelor. I can't get married without it! I am not religious, but I respect it.

Dawn....सेहर said...

Awesome post dear...:) Infact am zapped that you live with so many culturals aspects! I myself lived in India but I never had so many restrictions being there so when I moved here I had no problem and many of my Canadian friends often asked me the difference in me and other Indians and I always said its the upbringing!
I never had an issue talking to boys or gals! I was always supposed to be inside the house before the street lights are on :) that was something a must but my dad is a very logical person ...he never allowed me to do something in which I never believed :)
I thank my dad a lot :D!
My mum used to tell certain things from the cultural aspect but my questions and the kind of reasonings I used to look for my mom never handled this well and hence she used to most of loose the battle :D!
I always took the best of all and believe me life is much smoother and easier! I used to get proposals from desi's who are born n brought up in US & Canada only coz they think I am suitable in both culture - Indian as well Western :)
I always tell parents who have moved to these countries not to pressurize there kids as things are not only different from cultural aspect but you will see if your son or daughter might have gf's/bf's who might not be of your cast/religion or even the country :D! I remember some of them used to say oh thank god my daughter has a bf who is Indian though not punjabi but still and so n so's daughter is going out with a black guy...and I used to wonder what will happen to these people when they will find there daughter is going around with a gal ;) hahahaha
interesting post ...three cheers to U dear...as I get suffocated with thinking itself...I can't live with restrictions :)
Huggggggs dear

Anonymous said...

**Sorry Keshi - but HAD to reply to this piece of garbage of a comment here. By going out a night does NOT = getting raped. That's is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of. He makes it sounds like like it was the frickin woman's fault she went out at night and got herself raped. WTF??
Does he not realise that the blame solely lies in the rapists/would-be rapists?? Nobody ASKS to be raped - wearing low cut clothes, going out at night, drinking does NOT mean you are up for getting raped. That's complete bullshit.

I hate that stupid Indian mentality that think going out/drinking/wearing whatver we want to is a sign of being 'modern' and make it sound like it's a bad thing. Having a view that virginity is soemthing that YOU decide not anyone else doesn't make you immoral. Ash - I would tell you ignore this fool...

I agree that at family functions it is better to dress more modestly and
I do, but again its that warped mentality that chooses to ignore that women do have a body. Wear whatever YOU feel comfortable in - don't think that if your parents 'let' you wear halter necks that they're


Iam sorry keshi but I think I need to say that silvara first u have to learn to speak in manners.. first learn that and come to me..then I will think of giving reply to your garbage of comments ……because we stupid Indian mentality never speak to such people who have no control on their speech

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

where did my second comment go? :(

Anonymous said...

very well written post keshi!
i never knew ur from sri lanka..always thot of u as from the indian mainland!

anyway, i can totally understand how and why u feel so annoyed at these ridiculous, devoid-of-logic rules!! its the same everywhere - we hav to go thru nothing diff here in india. but i belive that immigrants stick to their roots more firmly coz they dont wanna lose touch or get completely transformed into one of the westerners...

PS: i missed this post as usual. server probs i guess! :((

Anonymous said...

Hey Keshi!
ty for what? I was just telling the truth...
leave sex before marraige... we curries are not allowed to even date a person :) Having a friend who's a gal, itself has become common only recently...

Anonymous said...

thats quite an engrossing blog
keep up the good work

Jewel Rays said...

:) lol pretty true..

My mum use to make this comment when i ask her why is it that i get always get commented on more than my brother when i come back late. and she would pick this line and say its because ya brother is not able to bring a big stomach home but being a girl u just neva know what may trigger..

LOL..when i think abt it now...Its breaks me into laughter..haha...

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

it defines what you want the world to be. Coming from a dignified, wonderful, beautiful and colourful culture will make you look at the modern lifestyle in a different way. But after all, were are just looking for a place to belong.

Anonymous said...

My post not seen :( :(

Anonymous said...

very long post but i enjoyed reading.
as i live in UK and i come from a asian culture. i understand what u are going thru.
But as u say we got to take the good one from any culture or religion.....
TC

Anonymous said...

, Roti
Kapda
Makan, and
SEX
,

these are basic needs
if repressed

it leads to over indulgence in the other

dat explains why indian men are fat
and keshi is putting on a lotta weight lately

saby said...

never marry a bharatiya nari
she wont stay beautiful for long


she will become like her mom soon

saby said...

nice post keshi
Huggss

Keshi said...

oh ok Arm_Pitt :) thats really special.


-----------------------------------

Dawny hey ty! :)

Im glad u were brought-up with less restrictions. I can see a very independent and liberal woman in ya. A very beautiful one too!


**and hence she used to most of loose the battle

LOL cute! My mum too. She gave up after a while :):)

proposals! OMG I got so many and I refused all of em. I dun like formal proposals and I told my mum that I wont consider em. She's ok with it now hehehe.

Some Desi parents r narrow-minded. They have to let their kids decide who they wanna go out with. So what if it's a punjabi or a gujju or a black or a white! We r all the same and Love is all we need.

-----------------------------------

Vikas I hope Silvara will reply to u.


-----------------------------------

awww Cheesy which comment? :(



-----------------------------------

Shitrint heyy! :) Hows u?

It must be harder to grow up in India?

-----------------------------------

KK heyy!

**we curries are not allowed to even date a person :)

LOL!

yep I know..if I invite a guy friend over to a party, my entire family starts giving me 'where-did-u-find-him-from' kinda looks...at the party itself!!

-----------------------------------

Sanchit WC n ty :)


-----------------------------------

heyya Amy!

**ya brother is not able to bring a big stomach home but being a girl u just neva know what may trigger..

LOL hahaha! :):) Its true but...


-----------------------------------

ur spot on Ghosty!


-----------------------------------

ty Suryan :)


-----------------------------------

wuteva Saby LOL!



Keshi.

Nora said...

Oh Keshu, I love your sense of humour. I come from a similar culture - my parents are Greek. Have u seen My Big Fat Grk Wedding? 'Nuff said. x

Keshi said...

LOL Nora I've seen it...loved that movie!

:) Ur Greek? I like Greek guys...sooooo hot ;-)


Keshi.

smiley said...

curry .... hot, spicy, salty ... different flavours. pick what u like la :)

Keshi said...

hehe Smiley :):)

Keshi.

ashok said...

Keshi. Lovely article.
Considering emigration from India to Australia and wanted to know how is it live there and bumped into your post.