Thursday, September 20

Top Secrets




And I wanna wish this NUT a very Happy Birthday! Saby that's me looking out from my bedroom window and wishing that you'd be surrounded by alot of LOVE today and always. Keep smiling but please cut down on the number of blogs you have...your profile page looks like some massive Govt housing project!

Now to my usual rants. Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat? Remember my mate M from 3 posts down? The one who made an indecent proposal to me? Well yesterday he txted me after a very long time...and now he works in London. He asked me how I am etc and then I asked him when he was planning to have his then cancelled wedding? He told me that they had broken up and that there's no wedding. So what he told me back then was the truth. Then he also told me something else. He told me that they slept with each other before their wedding. Now don't get me wrong...I aint saying that what they did was wrong. This is a boy coming from a very strict Hindu family and the girl is also a Hindu girl coming from an equally strong background. Well you could say that it doesn't matter anymore...this is Australia. Well these 2 are not kids...they are adults and they should do what they wanna do. No problem there. BUT, in a Hindu wedding, the priest comes around to bless the newly married couple and does all these pujas (blessings with prayers etc) assuming that the girl is a virgin. My point here is that while what you do with your own life is your business, why do people have such weddings even when the prayers and rituals wouldn't make sense? I know so many Hindu couples who had sex before marriage and then got on the wedding altar and went through the 'virgin' rituals with the priests. To me, it doesn't make sense...it's equivalent to lying and cheating. While I'm not overly religious, I'm not a hypocrite either. This isnt about sex before marriage, this is about having sex before marriage and then pretending to be so innocent by doing all those wedding rituals...that somehow doesn't make sense to me. What say guys?

And another question now...I read Steph's blog today and it dawned on me that I'm facing a similar situation as her post read. I know a girl who's husband beats her up. Domestic Violence is a CRIME. She confides only in me and she made me promise NOT to tell the Police/anyone else. Now that she whispered it to me, I feel guilty somehow...cos I know that someone is getting hurt out there and heyy I'm not able to help? It somehow puts me in the 'accomplice' category you see, and that freaks me out. And I don't want her to keep getting abused and I want that scumbag of a man of her's to go to jail...what a loser! What if he kills her one fine day when he lose his marbles again? What do you think I should do guys?



Current Music: Careless Whisper by George Michael

176 Cranium Signets:

Cazzie!!! said...

Keshi, all you can really do is to tell her how you feel and that you are there for her. Unfortunately, some people get stuck in the tangent of these types of relationships time and time again.

Ghost Particle said...

//BUT, in a Hindu wedding, the priest comes around to bless the newly married couple and does all these pujas (blessings with prayers etc) assuming that the girl is a virgin// ---> totally agree. Always at weddings, I could just laugh. But really, weddings nowadays are just to show everyone, relatives respect by having it done, rather then for the true meaning of wedding. These people have no respect for God. They jst have excuses.

And please call the police Keshi, because if the guy snaps, then its doom. There is no better protection for the girl other than you calling the police. Unless, they dont want the police to know.

Jim said...

i can see u looking out of your bedroom window
and if u look into mine

u will see Jim Jr looking at u

Jim said...

my next door neighbor an old man told me that his son wants to kill him

it was true
the son stamped on his stomach violently last night

and he shat, literraly
i called the senior citizens help line
what they proposed to do was not enuff

I did not do anything further
the old man died of starvation
i came to know later on

the son has no income to feed his wife and daughter let alone his old man

i chose to let things stand
i cud not help in the long run

phishez_rule said...

Keshi, if she's saying this stuff to you, she's ready to do something about it. Admitting really is the first step. So whatever you do, tread carefully.

I would personally ring one of those confidential help lines (one the deals solely with DV if you can find one) and ask them the best way to proceed. They will know how to best help her. Its confidential, so you don't even have to identify yourself, let alone her.

Jim said...

SHIT!
why did u have to spoil my bday with this heavy post !

Jim said...

domestic violence is a khandani matter

u shud not interfere

Jim said...

i hate rituals

in christian marriage the bride wears white gown to signify virgin bride

there are very few virgin brides in the christian community

deepsat said...

domestic violence is so pathetic to hear abt. u shud give her all the strength she needs!

hate these ppl who call themselves men and beat their own wives!! hope they burn in hell!!!

Jac said...

I think you should make her listen to reason...and then act !

It should be informed.

Jim said...

it is better to be hated
for what u r

than to be loved
for what u r not

-Annony mouse

Aditi said...

hmm well my info comes from sex and the city so i could be wrong but isnt the white wedding gown in church weddings also denoting the purity and virginity of the bride?
so is it fair to say just the hindu weddings ppl are being hypocritical.. agreed a lot of those procedures are antiquated and not valid in today's time

Its a tough situation wtih the abused wife, if you tell the police she has to want to support your story as well and if she doesnt and further refuses to confide in then the violence could well get out of hand before anyone finds out abt it.. but someone needs to be told and something needs to be done.. isnt there a counselling group or somthing she can attend so as to get up and fight the fight on her own?

RamaG said...

*girl being a virgin
Does it not apply to a guy as well??

Honestly, I believe that the rituals - they're just symbolic and are done to invoke the gods to shower their blessings on the couple.

do you think that the gods wont bless a couple who are not virgin?

I dont think the rituals are performed with any assumptions.

As regards domestic violence, you should maybe tell your friend that she should talk her husband into visiting a counselor. Maybe ask his best friend to suggest this to him.

When things dont work out still then maybe she can take the extreme step such as a divorce.

I believe, domestic violence in most cases is to show who is more powerful just like rape. Proper counseling might have an effect on the person.

-Rama

Peter said...

First question: I would recommend sex before marriage. Too important to be neglected. Better check first how it works between the two of you. Now, if religion is important for you (more important than a happy marriage?), you may see it differently.
Second question:
If your friend has taken it up with you, it's probably that she needs help. (This is not something easy to talk about.) I would first talk to her again, really try to find out. Then propose that she takes action herself, maybe use some anonymous help and advice which I presume is around. To go to the police without her agreement is a big step which you must take if you feel that she is in real danger. It would probably kill the marriage. (Incredible that these violences exist! Terrible to hear about it!)

uttara said...

happy budday oldman..:)

n keshi.. u must counsel the girl and tell her to repot or get her out of that hell.. please do it ASAP..

wat a fucker that SOB is...

SAD!!

Tys on Ice said...

Regarding the domestic violence; u shud inform but before that convince ur friend to report it to some authority...these kind of stuff always hve a tendency to escalate..talk to ur friend..or atleast let her husband know that someone knows...bullies are always big cowards...

regarding virginity and rituals etc ; each one to their own...rituals are man made and for the benefit of others..so, even if u r not a virgin and u r doing the rites as a virgin, u r primaraly doing all this for others...women always have it hard...so if there are clowns out there who wants to make a big issue of a small piece of tissue, let him be always a clown...who really cares? do u really think god is busy giving a rats arse abt our sexual life?

Andrew said...

Domestic violence is everyone's business. Any violence by a human on another or an animal is everyone's business. I would like to say betray her trust and go to the police but it is pointless if she is in that frame of mind. Support her and try to convince her to act in some way. The abuse will get worse for many years to come before it eases off in many years to come. She may well not survive.

Pijush said...

Oh dear, cool down.
Ans1: Take it easy, nothing hypocrite about it, its just a ritual. We do many worse things in our day to day life. We dont speak Sanskrit, and then we should not utter sloks mantras. But we do. Very few (may be less than 1%) can understand the real meaning of religion. Keshi, I guess my reply is bit biased, but how it matters, Jio bindas.
Ans2: Leave it to your friend; let them decide what they want to do.

ishita said...

kesh... ok i'll try and get my point of view across and chances are i may not tow the line...

in d first case, lets just get this str8 all these wedding wows and rituals are more of a social obligation... what matters right then is two ppl wanting to make and stand by a commitment. That's the only truth right then and the rest of the rituals, the family, the friends...it's all social obligations, celebrations etc... coz just a few actually understand the significance of such rituals. When two people are gettin married, it's eventually about just the two of them...the rituals can be very traditional and have some but not total relevance to the present circumstances in which weddings are solemnized (my opinion..k!)... as regards premarital sex, two consenting adults so no debate there!

And anyway, the "rituals" also like any other wedding ritual (in any other religion) speak of a lifetime commitment...just how many even get half way there!?

As far as the domestic violence thing is considered, it's a very dicey situation... it's essential to talk to your friend and make her see why she needs to get out of an abusive relationship. Most women do not coz they feel optionless....now by that I mean that they consider the aftermath worse than the present hell they find themselves in. I for one don't see what could be worse but it's important to talk to her and understand why she can't make the choice in walking out? Maybe she needs help in understanding where she will be once her husband is taken to task. It's not as much about simply teaching the bastard a lesson, it's about helping your friend gain confidence in herself and in her life without a marriage.

That's the way I feel...

If i think of something more, i'll be back. I cld coz i know this will be on my mind...*sigh*

ps: hope u had a gr8 day Saby/Jim... :)

Ps said...

I honestly think you should convince your friend--make her realise the seriousness of it.
As regards the rituals--i really havent studied them or understood them--therefore cannot comment.Do they actually do rituals for virginity?(am not sure--and I had a brahmin hindu wedding!)

Yeah Him said...

George Michael and vaguely erotic pictures... too early in the morning for that (seeing as I'm still half asleep), but have a good 1 all the same.

WP2007 said...

Hi Keshi

Keeping an eye me?

LOL

So Keshi girl is 1 year older and still looks great. Surprising what a little bit of embalming fluid will do. :)

If I was Hindu, they would string me up to the nearest tree. I lost the big 'V' several years ago.

However, there's something to be said about waiting till you marry or waiting for the right person to come along. I kinda wish I had.

Since this bloke has already had sex, is he out of bounds for you, or can you marry him without a blessing? This question is hypothetical.

I completely agree with you about someone displaying themselves as a virgin when they're not.

The white wedding gown symbolizes a virgin. Most girls who get married are not virgins, but they still wear white.

As for your friend, if you do report this crime, make sure your friend has a way to escape the situation. By you stepping into this scene, you will be putting your friend in danger.

I agree something must be done now. There is no waiting time.

I know of case where the wife had enough abuse and decided she must do something. She waited until her husband had passed out from drinking. Then she tied him up and beat him to near death with a piece of wood.

Bev

J said...

Well kesh for that matter, every wedding symbolizes the same thing irrespective of religion.

The white dress and the bride being escorted with her dad usually symbolizes the same thing as well.

Nice point you bring up here. Maybe using 'being with the times' as an alibi we seem to lose out on the basics.

In response to your question, I feel most of the times it's the ones who say they need no help who scream out indirectly that they need help.

But you know best.

KP said...

they both r adults....we all can make our choices... in both cases....its their business....if u dont like it...dont live with it

Suresh said...

Keshi, I have always loved your blogs and would say, I am somewhat addicted to it. I find you quite mature in your views and have a great writing style.

That being said, I find your views on pre-marital sex and wedding ceremonies somewhat unrealistic. You don't expect a girl or guy in a Hindu family setting to go tell his/her parents that he/she is no longer a virgin. Its only a ceremony. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps is. But does it harm anyone? No, unless you get into topic of heaven and hell :) There are much bigger hypocrisies in our society (in every sect) that harm people. I think you are being over-critical about this guy because he disappointed you by showing a side of him that you didn't know.

As for the abused friend, I would say don't do anything drastic. I would say, coax her to get counseling. Encourage her to seek help. Find out what her insecurities are in going and seeking help. You cannot make the decision for her to go to the cops. How do you know she is going to take it after the incident? What if she feels guilty about it and goes into depression? Its a big topic in psychology as to why women endure abuse. Its more complex than you think. You may do her dis-service to her by taking action on her behalf. Let her first be convinced that she needs help and let her seek help (and perhaps you could assist her in the process). I used to know a cop that used to say that domestic violence cases are the most feared calls for them. When the cops try to overpower the husband when he is caught beating up the wife, the wife tries to harm to cop because she suddenly takes the husband's side. Is it Stockholm syndrome? Maybe. But these cases are a lot trickier than you think. Tread carefully.

Asha said...

We were both virgins,so noproblems with God for us but in India, society has advanced a lot.Most city bred youth don't believe in all that crap.But rituals still go on to please the parents and society.Hypocracy is a major part of it, can't be helped!!
That girl told you in confidence Kesh, you told the whole World!! What if he knows about her blog and really loses it? Only she with the support of her family, can rescue herself, I think.Some women go and get the abusive husband released from jail willingly!! What are you going to do when that happens?
Talk to her and see what she would like to happen and take action.Hope she does ask for help!!

niki yokota said...

i think wedding ceremony is important whether they have already sex or not.
coz ppl who didnt have ceremony are tend to divorce quickly in my country.
just like shopping. if we pay lots of money for something, u will stick to it. but if u dont pay, u will throw it away easily :P
about DV, i want to tell her dont waste ur time!

KK said...

Well I dont think any one ever thinks as deep as you think... they just do it as a ritual than being true or anything... its for the outside world... so chill it :)

Regarding your friend, support her.. thats what she needs, than you feeling guilty.

anuj said...

I think its not wrng .. cause I think the rituals nevr say tht one shud b virgin .. though m nt sure ..

bt newyz .. I think whts more imp is tht since those rituals are more of an oath of being wid one another life long n nt defying one another .. so wht cud b bad is whn u sleep wid someone aftr ur marriage .. n i guess ppl do tht ..

If 2 ppl love on another .. thy wud hav already taken some sort of an oath to themselves .. d marriage n d ritual .. is jus to put god in to it .. so tht its more pure n since we fear god in someone .. it bounds us to b more truthful ..

well .. such situations of someone telling u their miseries n u feeling helpless abt it are vry tough .. its vry hard to say wht can b done .. may b theres some kinnd of threshold here .. aftr tht u ought to blurt it out .. whts d threshold is d ques ?

(anuj is taking care of his lips)

Helen said...

Keshi, I tend to think that ritual is just that, ritual. There is a change (mental probably) in a woman after she is a married woman, and I prefer to recall the old meaning of the word virgin--"a woman belonging to no man" that doesn't necessarily imply sexually virginal, just that symbolic state of "belonging" to another (and mind you, my husband "belongs" to me as well, not in a creepy possessive way, but in a way like no other relationship).

And as for your friend, I agree with Phishez's awesome advice. She's obviously reaching out, call an anony help-line to get advice. We're not counselors (well, except for Saby, but he's a sex counselor), and you'll get better advice from someone trained in this capacity.

much love xxooxx

Art said...

I think u should talk to the girl and explain to her, that she should not keep quiet. Either confront her husband (which may not be possible) or try to get help from someone else.. If she can talk to a family member, that might help too.

Autumn Storm said...

Happy Birthday Saby - wishing you happiness in the year ahead.

Kesh, I don't envy you the situation you are in. I've been on both sides, so I know not just how upsetting it can be, how worrying, to know that your friend is in this terrible situation, but frustrating too. All you can really do is be there for her, tell her that if she ever needs you, you will help.

Fish said...

Ok, what I will say now, will probably make you block me out of your blog, and you have only to say,and I will never comment here again. But today:

Keshi, I will not go into Hindu marriedges, because I have no knowledge abut them.
But as far as your friend is conserned, why do you think she told you? Do what is right, and help her. The promise you made, is worth nothing compared to helping her, even if she will not understand it. Or get someone to beat the crap out of him.

Cazzie,
talk is cheap.

Jim,
you are an asshole, that I hope will get in to a simillar situation, and will have no one to help him. You are a disgrace for a man, and I would personally like to kick you ass. Prick,......
"why did u have to spoil my bday with this heavy post !" I dont know what religion you have, but any religion would be disgraced to have you. So sorry, that there is someone out there, who needs help, because this might spoil your day, you arogant son of a ......If there were only people like you in this world, I wish I had died dureing the war.

Keshi, no matter how she will react, even if she does not confirm the story, you will know in your hart, you have done the right thing. Be human

Jay said...

Nobody should ever put up with being abused. And nobody should ever just sit back and let somebody be abused.

DJ said...

no religion can help a human unless his inner conscience is able to embrace the help provided...rituals cannot help restore rusted morals...
to me, such people are playing a farce on themselves and nothing more...
and truly speaking, i very much hate diplomats who make screwups of magnanimous orders and try to act as if nothing has happened...

regarding domestic violence... i would suggest u not to do anything unless she wants ur help... how much do u think she will support ur thoughts when she does not have enough courage to stand up against the wrongs happening to herself...
u can help a person who seeks help, not one who does not need it or is feared to receive it...
the very fact that u wish to help her speaks that u have a very beautiful soul, but that's u; analyze her too before diving in...

tc...

toby said...

Hi Keshi, good advice from phishez about your friend. No reason why you shouldn't call helpline, for moral support at least.
Sex before marriage is vital!!! We ain't all the same and you gotta know if you're compatible or you're risking a lifetime of bitterness and recrimination. But it's ok to put on a wedding show to keep the families happy. Although, I'd prefer to do the desert island thing, somewhere far, far away!
btw, keshi girl, you realise that every guy has an ex (or 2) who made us endure this song, again and again and again... You get the girl out of your head then George Michael starts careless whispering and you're right back where you don't wanna be!!! ;)

Trinnie said...

First of all a very happy birthday to Jim/Saby!

In fact, I have wanted to ask you for a very long time about him and his comments. I remember you had put up a nice post on Saby a year back on how u chatted with him online. But I have always wondered at the things he writes, which I find outrageous yet extremely funny... err... why does he do that? No offence meant, just curious. You can choose not to reply! :)

About the marriage customs and rituals, I agree with Aditi, that most of these are very old and some are rigid. Those were made for that time frame and for an India that wasn’t as modern. There aren’t virgin brides here either...yes, it’s hypocritical.
I find these obsolete and useless. It’s just that families and the community feel satisfied... marriages are all about looking good and social standing and blah blah... frankly I don’t think ur friend M and his ex even cared about those customs. I bet if they had had gotten married with Hindu customs, it would have been to fulfill obligations.

Lastly, keshi, I feel that your friend needs help. You’re right, one day the guy might just kill her. I feel, you first need to convince your friend to go to the police and back her up. After a little soothing, when she feels confident, it will be better. Coz, if you go to the authorities right away with her persuading u not to, it will be a mess. Like the mentality of most battered women, she will go back to her husband and he’ll make life worse for her. So just convince her first and always back her up. It’s not very tough for a man to lead his already frightened wife into further paranoia.

karen said...

great post! in the states the white wedding dress used to mean virginity and it makes me mad that some non-virgins still wear white. who are they kidding?! and you should DEFINITELY call the police about your friend being beaten up. she may hate you for awhile, but she WILL thank you in the long run.

Bla said...

Sometines the beauty of words is indispensable.

Kalpana said...

When rules are not followed at wedding time, it is something cranky. Not only women, even men too. Else they should go for registered marriage.
I feel about the second part, there should be some person at the other side to listen to them and make them feel comfortable first. Later, find out their views about calling police. This is important. Depending on it, hyou can make a move and give enough support.

Aidan said...

Talk to her directly, get her out of that relationship.

It is a shit of a spot to be in because no matter what you do you will feel like you are betraying a confidence.

However, your friends safety out ways friend ship and it's ties, you need to do something give the domestic abuse hotline a call..

CONFIDENTIAL HELPLINE
1800 200 526
or
this link

They can give you an Idea of how to go about it.

On a lighter note. in response to your comment on the last post.

You're a brave woman, wanting to spy on smelly socks, jocks and riding gear. I am sure stace would let you in:)

Poo said...

Happy Birthday Saby :) have a Blast

keshiroo .about the rituals ...thats the way it is now a days. Can we realy do anything? I dont think so!!!

I feel os asd for your frnd ...why isnt she fighting .. She shud not take any shit frm her husband who has no respect for her !!! Serioulsy she should do something now. I am glad she atleast shared her feeling with you ...or else few women dont even get a chance to sahre thr misery with anyone. I wish i cud do something for her ..

My BIG BIG BIG bear Hug for her...to warm and to take away all her pain :)

And too you too sweetie tc Love ya loads....

My life ie totally messed up ...dont know whats gng to happ ?

KAYLEE said...

u ok?

shnaggy said...

i have known some high profile hindu wedding and really knew the couple had sex beforehand. but i just learned from you that there is this virgin ritual...makes me wanna laugh at them now. anyway, that couple broke up after a very short while.

may i ask, what if you really want a hindu wedding minus the pujas, can it be done? or what if you just wanna be wed in that certain rites and you can't help it that you are not a virgin anymore? hmmm...

i miss your blog kesh...i got lots of backtracking to do now hey...missyahmissyah!!!

Mónica. said...

Hi Kes, how are you...???
I hope you are fine.
Kisses.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Most brides wear white here and you can be pretty sure there won't be any surprises on the wedding night. Besides the parents don't want to think their little girl is a skank, so best to let the dude wave the bag of chicken lips over you for the virgin chant or whatever.

I couldn't ever beat my wife, unless I was married to Martha Stewart, then I would be forced to beat her regularly because she really pisses me off.

George said...

Keshi my love ... people have the weddings like that to please the parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles etc

Call the police otherwise she will never be able to get away from it. If she hasn't been able to get away by now, she will never be able to because with each day she slips further and further under control.

Rex Venom said...

Great pics! Wow!
Rock on!

Jim said...

THANKS Poo
i love u









.

Jim said...

Thanks Trinnie
i love u too








.

KAYLEE said...

I FEEL SO SAD FOR THAT FRIEND OF YOURS :(

Jim said...

Fish ...




I too wish u had died dureing the war.

i have no religion now
i used to be roman catholic

hehehehe
a roman in India







.

Jim said...

Ooooohhhh Autumn
u just raised a storm in my heart
and in ....










.

KAYLEE said...

and please let the police know!!!!!!!!

Jim said...

THANKS
uttara










WTF
i m not old
all systems still go

Jim said...

Frankly i had a lousy day
ishita


but u just made today better







.

Menchie said...

I feel for your friend who gets beat up by her husband. However, you can't really help someone who's not yet ready to help herself. She must want to be out of that relationship first.

All you can do is tell her that she is a strong woman and she can survive by herself. And of course just be there for her.

George said...

I have just read all of the comments here and I cannot believe what I am reading about the wife beating. Don't you understand that a woman is being BEATEN? You idiots who say "let her and hubby work it out" or "don't do anything" or "talk to her and support her" Peter was priceless "is a big step which you must take if you feel that she is in real danger. It would probably kill the marriage. (Incredible that these violences exist! Terrible to hear about it!)" and kp ... "they're both adults, they can deal with it" and suresh is a complete fucking idiot ..." I would say don't do anything drastic"


What is with you people ... don't do anything drastic ... no, I guess beaing beaten is not drastic ... do something if you think there is real danger ... no, being beaten is all fake, smoke and mirrors ... let them work it out ... they can't work it out if the problem is so deep that she is being beaten ... she would agree to anything in order to prevent a beating.

Keshi ... some of your readers are stupid and I presume quite young because thay have no idea what life is when it comes to a violent relationship, because they have never had one ... a relationship I mean.

In Quebec where I am from originally, if a cop sees a woman who has a black eye or cuts, if she is in the hospital, the hospital calls the police ... they will go and arrest the husband or boyfriend without the woman doing/saying anything. The police themselves will press the charges in their own name. It is much safer in this case to act first and perhaps save a life.

Please Keshi ... if she is being beaten, it will not stop. Talking won't stop it, years of counselling may but it will take forever.

And the idiot who said if you call the police, her marriage will be over ... it's already over dumbass

I am sorry Keshi for being like this (as you know I am very calm and usually write nice things). But on this one I cannot for a couple of reasons ... first of all she will be hurt one day and end up disfigured, with mental health problems, damage to her brain (often the women are knocked to the ground and hit their heads on something hard/pointy), and one day she will probably die. The other reason is more personal and it is not something I enjoy talking about ... when I was married ... I was beaten ... with a shovel usually but often anything she could get her hands on. I have had a broken arm, broken hand, stitches and numerous days I had to go to work with cuts and scratches on my face. Very humiliating and no, I would not talk to anybody. I was a man and being beaten by the little (she is 5'2")woman ... as I said, humiliating.

Save her

It's OK if you don't post this comment and I apologize for writing these hard words in your wonderful blog ... but your readers should open their eyes and not write their opinions if they are so stupid.

OK .. slap me now I deserve it ... please

AVIANA said...

Hey there!

heavy post you got here!

hmm...yeah i always wonder about the hypocrisy of religion and the world...

i think alot of people are scared to break out of the mold..they want to but can't imagine themselves being the ones to do it...think about it...if their family knew they slept with each other think of the havoc that would have caused...they don't want to deal with it....

everything is hypocrisy but what can be done when your life may be threatened or your family relationships strained...again like i said to you a long time ago on another post...it's gonna have to be the younger generation to change it..the older folks are not going to do it..they are too set in their ways....

about your friend..i feel you on this...you feel like the accomplice..how can you be her friend if you are letting her in a way be beaten up...it is a tragic thought..

luckily i've never been in that situation...it sucks that she pulled you in..but you may have to be the one to get her out of this...but you never know...staying in the relationship may keep her alive....

there's the fear of retaliation on her and maybe even on you if you say something....but you also don't want to be in a situation where he gets violent against you..

it's not an easy choice to make...i'm not advocating one or the other and i'm not an enabler at least i like to think so....

but if it gets to the point you can't deal you may have to tell her..look you told me not to say anything but if you consider me a friend then you want my help...i cant' let you go through this i have to say something...

with her coming to you...it is her way of asking for help...seriously...but the burden is and isn't on you.....

but make sure you're protected if you do tell

AVIANA said...

Oh i'm upset with this picture of John...this pic shows a glimpse of what happens behind closed doors with his beloved bipasha.....urgh!!!!!

Jim said...

Menchie ...
arent u forgetting some thing??

Ok u r married and u love your hubby

i dont




i love u

Keshi said...

Caz I u'stand where ur coming from...cos she made me promise NOT to tell anyone.

but I dun wanna ignore it anymore...it's making me uncomfy.

If u've read recent news, lil Pumpkin's mum was murdered and put in the car boot...the murderer was her own husband and neighbors now say there were alot of fights at home. Its too late now isnt it?


-----------------------------------

Hey Ghosty!

**These people have no respect for God. They jst have excuses.

I agree.


Ghosty she doesnt want me to tell ANYONE. Not even her mum who I know very well. That somehow puts me in a dilemma...anyways I think I dun wanna be a part of this dangerous game. Im gonna tell someone who could help. THANKS!


-----------------------------------


Jim heyy!

**u will see Jim Jr looking at u

dun u eva think with ur brain? d u always use ur dick to do the thinking?

***Keshi shakes her head in sheer disappointment***


**i called the senior citizens help line

thats a good thing u did...




Keshi.

Jim said...

Georgie old man
i dont blame u




u dont understand marriages in INDIA
in india marraiges are for ever for the indian woman

her father pays dowry and wont take her back

when her hubby dies
she commits sati


she will live the rest of her life in white (widows gear)

she wil endure the beating and still pray for him

dont mess with an indian marriage KESHI

Keshi said...

Phishez ty!

**Keshi, if she's saying this stuff to you, she's ready to do something about it

so true..I think ur spot on abt this!

I might be doing that soon..tnxx alot hun!


-----------------------------------

Jim hi again!

Virginity isnt the big issue...it's that ppl just live in a fantasy world..pretending all their lives! If ur not a virgin, so what. Just spare us all from the fake virgin wedding rituals plz!



**u shud not interfere

really Saby? Even if I know that this girl mite get killed? WOW u r quite wise for ur age! Or is it cos most Indian/Sri Lankan ppl dun consider DV all that serious?


-----------------------------------

true Deepz, tnxx!

they r in real COWARDS.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jac ty I think so too.


-----------------------------------

Jim wut was that for?


-----------------------------------

tnxx Aditi!


**so is it fair to say just the hindu weddings ppl are being hypocritical

no Im no saying it's just Hindus who do this sorta thing. Only that this post was abt a Hindu couple :)


**but someone needs to be told and something needs to be done

I agree. And she cant go to Counselling w.o. informing the Police...can she? And thats what she fears. But im always checking up on her..I think it's time to tell someone...someone who can REALLY help her.

tnxx Aditi!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Rama!

**do you think that the gods wont bless a couple who are not virgin?

no Im not saying that! :) What Im saying is WHY do that sorta Pujas knowing ur not a virgin? And it applies to both the man and the woman.


Abt DV, I dun think they cud go to Counseling w.o. him being charged with abuse. Thats the first hurdle here.


-----------------------------------

I agree Peter....gotta test the compatibility before marriage.


**Now, if religion is important for you (more important than a happy marriage?), you may see it differently.

not to me...religion to me is living life well, loving each other truly. :)



**maybe use some anonymous help and advice which I presume is around.

yep...there r such help lines. but when i do inform em, she'll straight away know it was me who did it. Cos no one else knows abt this!


**It would probably kill the marriage.

does it matter anymore Peter? Is this marriage currently alive? I mean if a man beats his woman, then I say there's no RESPECT or LOVE there. Its dead already.


tnxx Peter!

-----------------------------------

Uttsy ur spot on! Im gonna do that.

yep he's a dickhead.

ty n HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!




Keshi.

Pritika Gupta said...

Tell me how many people actually understand marriage rituals.. they do it to keep parents and society happy..

Regarding your freind.. first of all she should stop pitying her.. stop compromising..she should oppose tht guy..

Shionge said...

Happy Birthday to Jim too Keshi :D

About the domestic violet issue I know the need to keep to your promise to Steph how about advising her and encourage her to speak up and put a stop to this?

Keshi said...

I agree Tys..I must do that.

**bullies are always big cowards...

Spot on! They r a bunch of brainless sorry-arses.


And I agree abt rituals being man-made..I dun much care abt them. but WHY do em then?



**do u really think god is busy giving a rats arse abt our sexual life?

no Im not saying God will punish them etc...oh no LOL! wut Im saying is WHY r these ppl doing these rituals? Its just so LAUGHABLE!

-----------------------------------

G'day Andrew!


**Domestic violence is everyone's business

I SO AGREE! U said it the best.


Im in the process of acting upon it right now...I spoke to her just now...Im getting some info on it. I'll keep u all posted abt it. THANKS MATE!


-----------------------------------

hey Pijush!

**hypocrite about it, its just a ritual.

nah Pijush, it is total hypocrisy. I mean there's Kanni puja..so when a girl isnt a virgin why do it? Its just so very funny :). And just cos we dun speak in Sanskrit (I speak in Sinhalese at home) that doesnt mean we r not allowed to say the mantras? Is there such a rule? I didnt know. But my point here isnt abt the rules. I dun care abt rules all that much. What Im saying is that WHY do the wedding rituals on Purity etc, when the couple isnt all that?


**: Leave it to your friend; let them decide what they want to do.

I dun wanna leave it to her anymore...it's scaring me now..cos she cud die, who knows.



Keshi.

Steph said...

The wedding thing- I think most wedding ceremonies are not taken seriously anymore, it's just like mindless ritual. Notice how most brides insist on wearing white when it's said that only virgins can do so?

As for your friend, just be there for her. She needs someone to talk to and as much as it pains you, all you can do is what she asks and be there for her should she need a safe place to go.

Jim said...

Georgie
lemme tell u about Marceline


i meet Marceline returning from church every day with a bruised face

Marceline is married to Robert a pre maturely retired football star who had a cozy job with TATAS

he turned alcoholic and he was sacked

he beats Marceline every day and every night

Marceline takes it all and goes to work to support the family

Marceline is good looking with a good fig
she wears jeans
she must be 40 plus

i tried to get friendly with Marceline

she snubbed me
she will continue loving Robert till his dying day


i hope Robert dies soon

Southpaw unplugged said...

Why only sex? There r lot of things which r said in those mantras r brutally screwed up later in the lives so for me the rituals in all the religions r nothing but social obligation, a massive show-off and terrible time-pass. I married sitting in my drawing room in a jeans, coz i just had to put a few signatures, why do i need to put up a show-off when i know what i m heading for and my wife knew what a disaster she was gonna head for...lol

As far as the second case is concerned, the guy needs to be reported to the authorities, if not then somebody has to take the responsibility to cut his balls as soon as possible.

Keshi said...

hey sexy Ish ty sweetie! Love ur new shot!


**what matters right then is two ppl wanting to make and stand by a commitment.

I so agree. And thats my point too. If thats all that matters, and if they r 2 consenting adults who had sex b4 marriage, then WHY bother so much abt wedding rituals on virginity, purity etc? Just for society? WHY? It just seems like a big joke, thats all :)


**...just how many even get half way there!?

LOL and I havent even started!



Ish I loved ur input on DV. Makes very good sense. TY!


**now by that I mean that they consider the aftermath worse than the present hell they find themselves in.

So true! Thats what it really is. Cos I hv asked her so many Qns and it seems she's afraid of losing the 'r'ship'...even tho it's one of the scariest ones that she's in.


**I for one don't see what could be worse but it's important to talk to her and understand why she can't make the choice in walking out?

I asked her...she says she LOVES him! Then I asked her HOW she cud love someone who abuses her? She said cos they make up after that and then it's all ok for a while!!! I think she doesnt know what LOVE is.


**It's not as much about simply teaching the bastard a lesson, it's about helping your friend gain confidence in herself and in her life without a marriage.

I so agree! and worse, they got married just last year!



-----------------------------------

ty PS I shall do that.


**they actually do rituals for virginity?(am not sure--and I had a brahmin hindu wedding!)

yes...the Hindu ones have it. Kanni puja.


-----------------------------------

Yeah_him WC n ty!


**vaguely erotic pictures...

which one? MY PIC? LOL!



Keshi.

RAFFI said...

in this day and age, it's nice to think it's all about tradition, but more for show. if the pujas weren't done, the bride-to-be would surely be seen as deviant... whatever the case may be. it's actually very sad. as for the domestic violence, that's more sad. they need help before someone gets really hurt. if she's talking about it, i'd tell her she needs to stop protecting him and get help or get away.

Keshi said...

hey Bev lol!

**So Keshi girl is 1 year older and still looks great. Surprising what a little bit of embalming fluid will do

hahahaha good one!


**If I was Hindu, they would string me up to the nearest tree. I lost the big 'V' several years ago.

ROFL! no worries sweetie. U did it YOUR way ;-) I didnt mean any specific Bevvy 'position' ok LOL!


**Since this bloke has already had sex, is he out of bounds for you, or can you marry him without a blessing?

not really...I mean he's not out of bounds. not so strict. But wut Im saying is that WHY act like they r all PURE when they r not? Its just a mad waste of time and energy.


yes..I must do something abt my friend. It's high time!

LOL @tied to a tree! She's a tough cookie ha. :)


-----------------------------------


Jon ty!

**The white dress and the bride being escorted with her dad usually symbolizes the same thing as well.

I agree. Its all bullshit LOL! Fake as!


I agree...that was a cry for help from my friend. At the moment Im abt to get her help..will keep u all posted ok. THANKS alot!


-----------------------------------

KP tnxx!

**they both r adults....we all can make our choices... in both cases....its their business....if u dont like it...dont live with it


I agree...but right now Im involved too...indirectly. Cos I KNOW abt it. And that'd make me an accomplice too...if I dun report it. Its a very serious matter.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Suresh tnxx!

**I find your views on pre-marital sex and wedding ceremonies somewhat unrealistic.

:) its ok. it's ur view. but Im not saying u should NOT hv pre-marital sex. Wut Im saying is that having it and then pretending u havent had it is all a big DRAMA. So who's UNREALISTIC here..me or them? :)



**You don't expect a girl or guy in a Hindu family setting to go tell his/her parents that he/she is no longer a virgin.

If u can do it, why cant u say it? If sex is not something to be ashamed of, then why not tell ur parents abt it?



**Its only a ceremony. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps is. But does it harm anyone? No, unless you get into topic of heaven and hell :)

it doesnt hv to be harmful to anyone for it to be mockery does it? :)



**I think you are being over-critical about this guy because he disappointed you by showing a side of him that you didn't know.

o no! :) he didnt disappoint me now. He did long time ago when he made that indecent proposal to me. Im sure he's had sex b4..this girl wudnt hv been his first.



**You cannot make the decision for her to go to the cops

I know that. But knowing that she's being abused, that makes me an accomplice to it. Thats the way the law works here in Aus. And worse, I dun want her to die one day, from a blow from him!

I know it's a tricky situation, and that she may eventually take his side, but all thats irrelevant to me right now...cos all I know right now is someone is getting abused and Im aware of it and that I must DO SOMETHING abt it.

tnxx Suresh!

-----------------------------------


hey Asha tnxx!

**Hypocracy is a major part of it, can't be helped!!

tnxx for agreeing with me! :)


**That girl told you in confidence Kesh, you told the whole World!! What if he knows about her blog and really loses it?

nah she aint a blogger. She's non-net friend. Yes the whole world now knows...but its ok. These things cant be hidden for too long Asha. It isnt right for it to be hidden. I had a feeling I need ur support to make a decision on this...thats why I wrote it. And im getting alot of good advice here. tnxx to all of u!


**Some women go and get the abusive husband released from jail willingly!! What are you going to do when that happens?

then it's really upto her isnt it? I mean I can only help those who want to be helped. I'd try once and if that doesnt work, I'd walk away.


-----------------------------------

Nik hey tnxx!

**if we pay lots of money for something, u will stick to it. but if u dont pay, u will throw it away easily

I hope marriage isnt abt the money :)


Niki Im talking with her right now. I hope I'd be able to help her soon. tnxx!

-----------------------------------


KK tnxx!

**Regarding your friend, support her.. thats what she needs, than you feeling guilty.

how d u mean?




Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Anuj!

**cause I think the rituals nevr say tht one shud b virgin

LOL then u havent studied the rituals all that much.



** so wht cud b bad is whn u sleep wid someone aftr ur marriage .. n i guess ppl do tht ..

I agree..some ppl do that. But wut Im saying here is not that marriage rituals r IMP..I seriously dun give a damn :). But wut Im saying is WHY the mockery of a fake show when they know they arent virgins?


btw Im in the process of helping her out....

-----------------------------------

tnxx Helen!


**a woman belonging to no man"

lovely meaning there...I guess Im an eternal VIRGIN then LOL!


abt DV...yes...Im abt to follow Phishez' advice. ty so much!


-----------------------------------

Art tnxx hun!


** Either confront her husband (which may not be possible) or try to get help from someone else..

I wanted to do that...cos I know him very well too. She told me not to. Cos she said that if I did that, he'd blame her and the abuse her more...and I dun want that to happen.


**If she can talk to a family member, that might help too.

yes...thats what Im telling her now. I did tell her this long time ago..she still hasnt done it.

tnxxx Art u think just like me!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Autumn!

Im lost right now...but Im talking to her today and then I'm really gonna do something abt it.

THANKS!

-----------------------------------

Fish hey now why wud I block ya from my blog? Im not so narrowminded am I? :) As long as its not abuse, I Welcome all kinds of comments. U dun always hv to agree with my thoughts. So babez go for it! :)


**The promise you made, is worth nothing compared to helping her, even if she will not understand it.

Spot on!


k I'd let Caz ans that.


abt Jim...LOL!


**So sorry, that there is someone out there, who needs help, because this might spoil your day, you arogant son of a ......If there were only people like you in this world, I wish I had died dureing the war.

HAHAHA! I agree. Isnt Jim a selfish person ha.


Jim d u hv anything to say?




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jay tnxx I'm not gonna be doing that anymore..Im taking action right now.


-----------------------------------

DJ I so agree!


**rituals cannot help restore rusted morals...

U said it the best! TY!


**u can help a person who seeks help, not one who does not need it or is feared to receive it...

I agree..but rite now she's in fear...she has no right conscience. And me being an outside witness of it all, I can see clearly...I can see better than her..my conscience is healthier. So I must help her..wut say?


-----------------------------------

hey Tobez long time, hows ya? I hope ur keeping well?


**Although, I'd prefer to do the desert island thing, somewhere far, far away!

I agree. thats so me :)

btw Im not saying Sex b4 marriage is bad...what Im saying is that ppl who hv had sex b4 marriage, acting like pure babies on their wedding day, SUCK big time!


Im gonna help my friend soon..ty matey!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Trinnie tnxx!

Saby can suck arse 24/6..but thats cos he's mental. He's harmless and he's an old mate...so I dun wanna bury him yet :) But if he misbehaves again, I know wut to do hehe.


** bet if they had had gotten married with Hindu customs, it would have been to fulfill obligations.

true!


abt DV..yes I agree. And I hv spoken so much with her...I hv said so many things to open her eyes...she's still not ready to tell her mum or the Police. Her fear is that she mite hurt her parents' dignity! I cudnt believe she said that. I explained to her that her husband's actions cant be defame her parents's reputation. Right now Im talking with her...trying to put some sense into this lost girl. I hope I make it.


**It’s not very tough for a man to lead his already frightened wife into further paranoia.

so true!

-----------------------------------

WC Karen n ty!

yeah who r they kidding! :)


** she may hate you for awhile, but she WILL thank you in the long run.

true..Im in the process of putting some sense into her...I'll keep u all posted. TNXX!


-----------------------------------

Bla ty!


**Sometines the beauty of words is indispensable.

? sorry didnt u'stand what u meant by it.


-----------------------------------

I agree Kalpana...tnxx a bunch!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Aidan ty for that! Im seriously gonna ring em and ask em how to go abt it. so THANKS!


**It is a shit of a spot to be in because no matter what you do you will feel like you are betraying a confidence.

true...makes me feel like an idiot either way.


btw abt being in ur room, I dun mind being brave just for that ;-)


-----------------------------------

Poo hey HUGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty!


I know we cant do anything abt it...but its all Bullllll! :)


Poo Im in the process of helping her out...dun worry...she'll b ok. tnxx hun!


wuts happening with ur life???? email me na.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kaylz Im ok ty...r ya?



-----------------------------------

Shnaggy WB and I hv been missing ya too!



**may i ask, what if you really want a hindu wedding minus the pujas, can it be done?

yes u can...but it wont look all that GENUINE, so no one wants to tread that way...laughable? YES! Its all a big show :)


-----------------------------------

Heyya Monica Imdoing good ty sweetie!


hows u?


-----------------------------------

Phos ty :)


** couldn't ever beat my wife, unless I was married to Martha Stewart

LOL awww...


-----------------------------------

George ty and I agree...pleasing the society is the only aim of such wedddings...rolling eyes here!


yes ur spot on abt my friend! I wanna help her soon and I will. TY!



Keshi.

Cazzie!!! said...

Keshi, this is why I love you so much, you care deeply for your friends, and that is what friendship is all about. Reading Highriser's blog, I now know..you definately need to do something!! Aidan had the number there, go after that one love..huggs and thanks..Cazzie

KAYLEE said...

//Kaylz Im ok ty...r ya?//

YES I AM GREAT!!!!!1

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi...that's quite an admission from M. But,then,that's what I feel too-many Indian weddings today are more to keep up a family's image in society than anything else.With ,err,'experimentation' on the rise"(No Pun) before marriage,many of the wedding vows would seem hollow.Of course,traditional families also exist,even today-where the guys and girls are kept in a totally sheltered environment,and study also in 'boys only' or 'girls only' colleges.

I sometimes wonder how many of the guys who come home from US/UK/Canada,to look for a 'virg*nal Indian bride' as per Poppa and Momma's wishes,are the same themselves?

Anyway,to each his or her own I always say..if people want to be delude themselves and feel happy in the bargain,good for them.Right?

Re. your friend-I don't think there are too many options open,na?Either retaliate(Coz such bullies usually become so by seeing docile wives),or,go to the police,which could be degrading.

phoenix said...

see what you are thinking is probably right about the wedding thingy but there maybe another aspect to it too and i am just trying to highlight that

personally i donot believe in pre marital sex,but i do believe some amount of intimacy is required when you are in a long term relationship,we are all humans and these things are bound to be there.moreover even if you ...mm make out you are doing something physical,maybe your virginity is intact but in ways you are no longer totally "pure".

secondly,what if you love someone and you give yourself up to him because you love him and it seems the right thing to do and you end up marrying him.as for hindu wedding rituals,well i am not aware of this virginity factor,but yes true that rituals are very sacred and purity matters. people do formal weddings because
1.to please the society
2.it is the norm and
3.because they want to declare to the world that they are in love and by following the rituals they are formalizing something they themselves have accepted.

like you said what they do in personal life doesnt concern the outsiders,but what we should keep in mind not all times it is about SEX sometimes it is about MAKING LOVE....love or lust plays a important part too..

i am not sure if i have gotten my point across.. :P i hope i have

Keshi said...

Rex ty!


-----------------------------------

Kaylz Im gonna help her...dun worry.


HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

k Jim :)



-----------------------------------

Menchie ty sweetie!


**However, you can't really help someone who's not yet ready to help herself

I somehow agree with that.

But Im gonna hv to swallow all of that and HELP her out.


ty!

-----------------------------------

George no Im glad u spoke out abt it. Its how u feel abt it and I respect that. And I agree with all of wut u said.


Her marriage isnt alive anymore. Thats exactly how I replied to Peter too.


**... first of all she will be hurt one day and end up disfigured, with mental health problems, damage to her brain

thats what I fear the most!


Im in the process of helping her...I'll keep u all posted.


btw Im so sorry to hear u were a victim of DV! Thats so shocking...I cant believe a woman did that to ya! What kind of a 'woman' is she???



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Lisa hey hows u?

**...if their family knew they slept with each other think of the havoc that would have caused...


I can u'stand that. but if I were in their shoes, and I was abt to hv my wedding, I'd honestly tell my mum abt it...I dun wanna pretend Im so pure if Im really not! There's something called RESPECT and GENUINENESS in everything i do...so I wudnt wanna bring a priest and stage a mockery, if that happened to me. thats all Im saying.

:)

Abt my friend..ur right...Im stuck. But I hv to see the bigger picture and DO something now b4 its too late! tnxx hun HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


LOL @Bips n John!

yeah I was green for a day :( that lucky woman!


-----------------------------------

Jim im not that dumb to jump into the my husband's funeral pyre...wut kind of moron wud do that. Respect and love dun beckon for such evil things.


-----------------------------------

Pritika ty!

**first of all she should stop pitying her.. stop compromising

I agree..thats what im telling her now.


TNXX!

-----------------------------------


hey Shionge tnxx!


**I know the need to keep to your promise to Steph

Steph? I didnt mean her sweetie. I meant I was going thru a similar thing to what Steph is going thru :)

tnxx hun!


-----------------------------------

Steph ty!


Im feeling a bit scared now..I mean to avoid this whole thing and pretend as if nothing's happening...so right now Im talking with her..Im going to get her to speak to someone in her family...


-----------------------------------


Southy ty!

** a massive show-off and terrible time-pass.

Spot on!!



**I married sitting in my drawing room in a jeans, coz i just had to put a few signatures,

aww thats the most ROMANTIC wedding I've ever heard of! WOW Southy ur something.


**why do i need to put up a show-off when i know what i m heading for and my wife knew what a disaster she was gonna head for

LOL hahahaha! awwww...she's in GOOD hands..GREAT hands actually :)


yes I need to teach that husband of my friend a good lesson. He needs to be charged with abuse. And he will be.

thanks Southy!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Raffi hey tnxx!


** if the pujas weren't done, the bride-to-be would surely be seen as deviant...

true...but isnt it all in the mind? even the virginity? LOL!


yep..I feel my friend is trying to PROTECT the very man who isn't protecting her! SAD AS!



Keshi.

dharmabum said...

i don't know if you know what the rituals are, or what their significance is. i don't. but i do know that the hindu religion is very mystical and symbolic. there is in most cases, a signifiance, a deeper meaning, which we fail to understand.

and what are you trying to say keshi - that we must, at our wedding, declare to all our guests, and the priest - that we are not virgin? how about a placard?

:)

Srijith Unni said...

Domestic Violence should not be tolerated no matter what..? You might as well ask her to get help on what to do, from some consultants.

Hey about the marriage part, yes why such a big drama, of a wedding, so much of money spent on it, when you`ve already physically and mentally united with each other.. doesn`t make sense to me too.

Keshi said...

ty Caz HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

yep Aidan already did the homework for me. How nice of him! I hv some great mates here.

-----------------------------------

Kaylz thats good to hear.


:)


-----------------------------------

Amit ty!

I agree with wut u said. Its all a big show.


**..if people want to be delude themselves and feel happy in the bargain,good for them.Right?

well-said! :)


abt my friend...why wud it be degrading to go to the Police? Isnt what she's going thru right now more degrading than that?


-----------------------------------

ty Phoneix!

but sweetie I wasnt saying that pre-marital sex is bad was I? :) all I was saying why the big wedding hype with Virginity rituals if/when ur not a virgin? thats all hehe.


**what we should keep in mind not all times it is about SEX sometimes it is about MAKING LOVE

I know that. And that has nothing to do with my qn here sweetz..:)

but tnxx anyways! U gave a great insight to it all. Wonderful!


-----------------------------------

hey Dharma!


**i don't know if you know what the rituals are, or what their significance is. i don't.

hehe. Just cos u dun, why d u assume that I dun too? :) I know what im talking abt. I dun say something w.o. knowing my case. Hv u heard of the Kanni puja in Hindu weddings...when the PURE bride is being given away to the man, by her parents? Well thats what im talking abt.



**but i do know that the hindu religion is very mystical and symbolic. there is in most cases, a signifiance, a deeper meaning, which we fail to understand.

If Hinduism is very symbolic, why do we fail to understand it? why d u even follow it then, especially if u FAIl to u'stand it?



**and what are you trying to say keshi - that we must, at our wedding, declare to all our guests, and the priest - that we are not virgin? how about a placard?

HAHA did I say that? All Im trying to say is WHY the fake drama if ur not a virgin??? duh!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

Srijith lookin good maiite! ;-)


ty for agreeing with me on the Drama bit!

** why such a big drama, of a wedding, so much of money spent on it, when you`ve already physically and mentally united with each other

Spot on! ty sir!


yes..Im trying to get her help. will keep u all posted.

tnxx!


Keshi.

Fish said...

Keshi,
oh beautiful one, I am sorry to have doubted you. I am giveing you a flower in my mind.

Jim,
could it be, that you are one of the woman beating kind? I hope you smoke some bad dope down in India, and are sick for a while.

I am glad to see, there are a lot of good people still left, and salute you.

Sweetstickychewy said...

i'm a day late so happy belated bday Saby.

And hmm...I guess most people these days don't really give a care about the reasons behind the rituals etc.

And for ya friend. I guess the best thing you can do is by being there for her. Had a mate who finally divorced her hubby after rough beatings. The first thing she did was a P.P.O against him. And honestly it took her awhile before she decides herself dumping him. It was totally scary. I would never guess he would turned ugly. eeks!

Sides, speak ya friend through though. At times, they come to a point of believing they deserve it or at times, they jsut need someone to give them a little push to take action. Encourage ya friend towards. I believe your already doing that though.;)

Cheeries!

Keshi said...

tnxx Amy! :)

**The first thing she did was a P.P.O against him

wut d u mean PPO? anyways Im glad she got out of it all.

come to think of it, I hv another friend who's going thru the same o god! I just remembered :(



Keshi.

Keshi said...

No worries Fish :) Doubt is good...it clears alot of things after that.


HUGGGGGGGGZ!
Keshi.,

Sweetstickychewy said...

A P.P.O is a personal protection order. Report the abuse to the police and they will arrange for you to get one from the family court. I guess that’s how it swings over here in Sg. Not sure about other place though.

yeah she got out of his clutches surely. Now she is just going through the finalisation of their divorce.:)Not an easy ride though over but definitely a better road to walk on.

Cheers!

Crazy Me said...

Unfortunately, you can't help someone who isn't ready for it. Sad but true.

uttara said...

keshi..

I can feel wat ur friend is going thru.. and i donno how to react cos my blood is boiling.. as i know how bad it gets :(:(:(

*sad*

huggz

Keshi said...

Amy ty! Now I get ya. Im sure there is something like that here in Aus too. Cos I always see the Dom-Vio ad on TV. TY!

**Divorce

yeah I know..it must be really hard on her. But like u said, it's paving the way for a better life for her..definitely!


-----------------------------------

Crazy_Me thats right...I've been talking to her this morning...and all she ever said was she wanna stay in the marriage for her family's reputation's sake. I was so mad!


-----------------------------------

Uttsy yes...but she's not letting me help her. She tells me she dun wanna tell anyone cos she doesnt wanna end the marriage and make her parents sad!!!!


Im angry now :(



Keshi.

anits said...

hi gal...I think you should make her listen to reason and then act!
Im quite busy..will get back on monday k! have a good weekends dear

Keshi said...

I have tried that so many times Anits. She doesnt wanna take my advice...mebbe she's not ready for it yet. wut I cant u'stand is WHY some women put themselves thru this kinda shit? Dun they deserve better? Dun they love themselves? Cant they see beyond their men? Why is it so hard to lose a loser?

Keshi.

Sugababee said...

Hey Kesh.. yet again... a good post!

In regards to the hindu marriage... if you did have sex prior to marriage... and still want a proper hindu wedding.. can you?

In regards to your mate, I think you should talk her into getting some help... and let her know that your welling to help out in this... but that she does infact need to do somethign about it.

Keshi said...

hey Suga babez!

**... if you did have sex prior to marriage... and still want a proper hindu wedding.. can you?

u can. Its not qn of whether u can or cant, it's abt making sense. Isnt it Suga? :)


** but that she does infact need to do somethign about it.

I hv told her that so many times...even this morning. She doesn't wanna take any action right now. I was furious. I somehow convinced her to talk to her mum, which she reluctantly agreed to..but she said she'd only do that after some time..I wonder how much more time she needs to realise he's a jerk!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx guys! Im gonna ring up the helpline and ask them how to go abt this, w.o. really giving all her details to them. I'll take one step at a time...lets see how we go.

TY all for all the valuable advice! It really helped. It got me asking all sorts of qns from her this morning...and somehow I think Im on my way to get her out of this mess. U guys rock! Have a great weekend!


Keshi.

Cazzie!!! said...

Yeah Keshi lovey..listening to Steph is also the way to go. You are a true friend, a true friend listens.

wacko said...

hmm..no comments kesh! i guess the rituals and all are just performed for the sake of it..and bout your friends...temme wht are you both getting in keeping your mouth shut? your friend feels..if she wouldnt tell anyone, she would be fine without any disgrace or whatever..but in turn i guess she's just too ignorant to suffer all those brutal atrocities...dumb i must say!

Vidya said...

Hey Keshi,

Something funky is going on. I write in a comment for your post and it disappears. It has been happening for the past couple of posts too.

Pre-marital sex : Isn't that a point of contention? I don't see why it should be a point of contention? After all you are an adult?! I am slightly conservative when it comes to intimacy. I would rather it be out of some kind of feelings for each other, not a random one night stand! However, the rituals in the Hindu ceremony should not be taken so hard. It is just a ritual. And many of us do those rituals like that either to go with the flow or to feel good about traditions. I am positive most of us don't know what half of those rituals mean. :D

Abusive marriage: Hmm..Isn't there a center for abused women? These centers not only help the ladies to set the situation right but also help them cope with the emotional trauma that comes with such abuse.
You should help her out, Keshi. She needs it more than she cares to admit it!

Vidya

Adorable Pancreas said...

A friend of mine swore me to secrecy with the fact that she's having an affair with a married man. I don't think he's a very nice person, cheating on his wife and son, but my friend insists he loves her and not his wife. I don't if my friend is sleeping with this guy, she says she isn't, but that's irrelevant. I don't feel the same way about her now, in the role of a homewrecker. No matter how unhappy the guy is in his marriage, if he chooses to stick it out, he shouldn't cheat.

But your situation is nothing like this. I think you should report it. I mean, lives are at stake. Good luck.

AmitL said...

Keshi,I mean 'degrading',coz of the questions that would be asked..can you imagine a group of men,many of them drooling,while questions were being asked of the poor gal? But,yes,if there's no choice,there's no choice.

anuj said...

gud going keshi :)
how r u doin?

@last post - whr I fell off the chair ..

Sure we can proceed .. you can alwyz jump on me in tht case :P .. tht cud make it evn better .. n i might give up rather more easily ..hehe

cheers

Top cat said...

I totally agree with cazzie.
Love your eye and the picture.
Somedays you just make me melt into a little puddle of kitty.:)
tc

Nicole said...

Keshi,

I love your tangent on the wedding rituals. Its so true. Why do brides wear white dresses when they aren't virgins? I've never been one of those girls who's planned their wedding since they were 5. I want it simple, and real.

As for your predicament, take it step by step. One answer wont solve this problem. Be supportive and smart.

Ghost Particle said...

//Jim said...

Georgie old man
i dont blame u




u dont understand marriages in INDIA
in india marraiges are for ever for the indian woman

her father pays dowry and wont take her back

when her hubby dies
she commits sati


she will live the rest of her life in white (widows gear)

she wil endure the beating and still pray for him

dont mess with an indian marriage KESHI//

Ok You know what Jim, my head will explode if I dont answer this and this is the last time i ever mind of you or read ur comments...BUT in which century do you live in? Women in India are empowered and smart. Sati is ancient history. It is outlawed by the government. Dowry is a lame excuse, it happens, but trust me it wont anymore in the future when we have working class Indian women who dont give a F of the loser men who wait for free money. White is not a widows gear, its age old tradition+culture...they didnt have color pigments to make colorful cloths and furthermore, yes, in ancient India they were supposed to wear this to temple to differentiate married, and widowed woman. U r a pathetic slug who give men a bad name...ok...not men but bloggers.

MONA said...

That is one thoughtful post keshi. You raise some good questions there.

I hate this kind of hypocritical attitude too!

Its sad to hear about your battered friend.It would not be wise to do anything without her knowledge. Perhaps you could suggest that they get counselling.

EBEZP said...

Oh Keshi love I'm sorry I'm so late with this but because we obviously think alike - you know this man has to go to prison! Your not letting your friend down you're helping her, but don't be surprised if you still lose her friendship because she possibly thrives on his misdemeanours, she possibly still loves him and always will and doesn't really want him to be in trouble.

These facts are supported by figures and it is so so sad.

Personally I think the bastard needs to just disappear!! Have we any friends between us who would be willing to help?!!

On a different thing altogether, no you would not have to force me for you to be my travelling companion, Keshi you could be my wing (wo)man anyday!!

Have a great weekend!!

SamY said...

** This is a boy coming from a very strict Hindu family and the girl is also a Hindu girl coming from an equally strong background

contrary to what many ppl believe, such ppl are also amongst the ones who go astray ... more so because of the confinement

have you seen this tamil movie - patchai kili muthu charam. my friends mum told me that women in her own office (from the kinda background) indulge in such illicit affairs.

that was JFYI, right/wrong apart.

** why do people have such weddings even when the prayers and rituals wouldn't make sense?

for society. I know its silly, but thats y they do. A license to screw :p. they wudn't realize until if and when the past comes to haunt. I just hope not.

Vik said...

Why the religion all on a sudden? You think people in any other religion don't get laid before the wedding and the ceremony after that is just a matter of fact thing which basically says you are the official wife now.

But the fact is not about getting laid, it is just a natural phenomenon. I mean you cannot hope a virgin to be around when you get married chances are that you may not find any. And as for as the festivities that go with the marriage, it is just a job - the priest have to do something for a living and god blessing and all that is nothing but our beliefs.

With regards to the lady being abused, I think you should talk to her to call the officials or whoever that matters and inform them of her problems.

Arti Honrao said...

Hi Keshi!

After reading your last reply to the comments I think the girl's matter has been nearly solved.
I wish her good luck for her future and hope she takes the right step at the right time.

this is about having sex before marriage and then pretending to be so innocent by doing all those wedding rituals...
I totally agree with you on this one.



GBU
Arti

Fleiger said...

When the Hindu marriage rites were designed, it was really frowned upon to if you were not a virgin when getting married (that goes for both). And really, it is hard to change all that now, even if anyone could. So, even though some rites are changing, and some are forgotten forever, it is hard to get rid of that particular part, as it comes in an integral part of ceremony.

As for your friend, do try and encourage her to speak out against the violence. Or maybe, encourage her family to talk to her.

general_boy said...

Keshi I see everyone else has taken the lead and given you advice, and I agree with it. You obviuosly feel you need to do something, and now you're doing it. :)

As for your previuos topic, hmmm... I dunno where to start. In answer to your question about the rituals, perhaps this is something more specific and difficult for a non-Hindu to fully comprehend. I know from my own experience, rituals and other readings were "snuk in" at my wedding, and I didn't really wish for them ( neitehr did my wife ). So how could we go along with it? Well, it was kinda hard to fire the Minister half way through the gig?!!! ;)

George said...

jim ... you said I don't understand marriages in India. You are absolutely right, I don't. But this marriage is not in India, it is in Australia where customs and traditions are very different. It's called adapting to your new, chosen homeland. If I emigrated from a country that allows me to kill my boss for making me work more than 40 hours a week and immigrated to Australia, Canada, France or anywhere else and I killed my boss because he asked me to work overtime on a Saturday, would I be exonerated because it is a tradition where I am from? I don't think so.

If it is tradition to beat your wife in India doesn't make it right ... no matter what country you live in

chocolteluva said...

its just like white ppl have sex before marriage and wear the WHITE bridal gown taht represents VIRGINITY AND PURITY. the priest blesses them as a "virgin" couple as well. i mean the rituals are from bakc in the day.. and they are rituals passed on from generations of families and legacies... it feels good to have them at the wedding.
virgin or not, its always nice to be blessed and be pure from that day on (truthful to ure husband and STARTING A NEW LIFE THING).

and oh yea... like many people said im sure there's a help line. if its physical abuse, i would council her to get out of the marriage and approach it via social work, legal and it all secretively. so that the day she LEAVES - there's cops there to make sure he cant hurt her, and a legal binding contract that he MUST sign with a restraining order and all
so that he cant hurt her. i know of many situations that the girl finally stood up to the bastard and said im leaving.. but didnt have the cops or social worker or lawyer ready. so she would get beat up even more for trying to leave. so make sure she had EVERYTHING to go at the second she decides to tell him she's leaving.
help line WILL DEFINITELY help with that stuff

dharmabum said...

keshi,

'duh' i maybe, but i did not make an assumption. i said i DID NOT KNOW know if you knew. thanks for clarifying.

kanni certainly gets translated to virgin, but i don't think it ends there. to me, it would signify purity in thought word and deed.

why i follow what i follow is a very personal question, don't you think? i shall, nevertheless attempt to tell you why. there are aspects of hinduism that i DO understand. like one thing, for sure - that there is no such thing as hinduism. it is not a religion in the conventional sense. it is but a culture that believes the paths may be many, but all leading to the One Perfect and Complete. such things that i do understand make me proud of what i have inherited from this culture that is ageless. and it makes me strive to make meaning of the things i do not understand.

Jeevan said...

About the truth of accepting the virginity, I was with you. It’s like hurting there belief they kept on.
Keshi you have to do something for her, we can’t blind our self when a violence performing with evidence. Hope some good happens for her.

annie said...

More than anythin else i loved ur pic in the post....Damn classy & Sexy!!

Traditions cant be defied & lustness cant be controlled...its all such a quagmire.To each one its own...

akanksha said...

Well...i agree with you wholeheartedly with the sex before marriage thing.Why pose to be innocent when u're not.

Keshi dear,please do something about ur friend..domestic voilence should not be tolerated...her life is already a big mess and it wont get any worse if u try and do something about it.Who knows ur support and help may save her from from further agonies.Try some helplines or even the police...and u may ask them to not reveal ur identity.That ways, help would be given to someone who needs and u wont come into picture too.I hope something works out and this stops...I am already Praying for ur friend.God Bless.Tk cr sweets.

diyadear said...

keshi,
well wat u said abt the hindu marriage rituals is soo ture.. it sure doesnt make any sense following it if ur not virgin. But i believe the Indian society is rigid on the sexual front n the chaos on admitting of ones sexual life is terrifying.. i know of people who try to suppress it in spite of feelin guilty inside, thinking of not hurting or putting their parents down in the eys of so called society.. sad aint it

diyadear said...

as for ur friend who is sufferring in silence, coax her to speak up.. y is she wasting her life like this??

CM-Chap said...

Hey keshi Girl... hw r u doing.. Long time... Work took away my full time... Gald 2 read ur blog as always...
This isnt about sex before marriage, this is about having sex before marriage and then pretending to be so innocent by doing all those wedding rituals...that somehow doesn't make sense to me - Thats a perfect statement... I fully endorse you on that feeling....

I guess... you shd approach prof help.. Earlier the better.

DJ said...

hmmm...
help her... but in any case, don't extend everything in one go... instead pass it slow enough for her to be able to digest it and react positively...

trust me, i m telling for ur own good...
tc...

Mumbai Guy said...

Keshi,
Why do people have such weddings? Coz they are hindus and they have to go by hindu ceremony. Simple. Or you tell me what would you suggest they do?

On one hand people complain that traditions are too orthodox and on other hand they want to enjoy all the goodies which comes with it. You cannot have best of both the worlds. Not all along.

And mind you, this isnt just about Hindus. This is about all religions. In one way or other. My christian friends swear by bible to hold each other until death do them apart. And do they keep thier promise? Tell me That isnt lie? That isnt hypocrisy? That isnt cheating? You take muslim ritual, you take any other religious ritual. Its all the same.

My point is, This isnt just about hindus. This is about every individual. Across all religions. And I can tell this confidently every human being is selfish. He will take first oppurtunity that comes his way. And for this he is ready to break all traditions and doesnt mind being a hypocrite. Irony is that most get caught and people who dont are considered saints. Almost all the time.

My 2 cents.

MG

p.s. As regards to your friends case. she should stand up herself. I wouldnt interfere especially if told to be sssshhhh.

Keshi said...

Caz tnxx hun!

----------------------------------

Wacko yeah u cud say that...she's really not respecting herself and hv forgotten to LOVE herself in the process of loving a man who's really not a man.

I told her exactly wut u said...long time ago. She still dun see any sense in that! Her parents' respect and dignity is what she's trying to secure...and I dun u'stand how disrespecting herself in secrecy cud achieve that!

-----------------------------------

Vidya ty sweetie. Alot of ppl told me abt that commenting issue...I gotta find out from Blogger help. I'll let u know wuts going on. THANKS!


**However, the rituals in the Hindu ceremony should not be taken so hard. It is just a ritual

I agree...but if rituals r JUST rituals, then why do them? Especially if ur not a virgin, why put so much emphasis on it? It shouldnt matter right? :)


Abt my friend...I know there r loads of help centres for such things. But she doesnt want me to tell anyone...thats my most difficult hurdle. But this wknd I hv done something thats gonna bring help to her somehow...I'll let u all know soon.

tnxxx!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Adorable!

** No matter how unhappy the guy is in his marriage, if he chooses to stick it out, he shouldn't cheat.

Thats so true. I hope ur friend walks out of this mess unscathed.


abt my friend...yes Im in the process of getting her help...just that I gotta do it very carefully. tnxx!


-----------------------------------

hey Amit!

**can you imagine a group of men,many of them drooling,while questions were being asked of the poor gal?

drooling? how d u mean Amit?


Anyways being asked Qns by strangers (that wud help her eventually) is MUCH better and LESS degrading than being beaten by the very man she married! Isnt that right Amit?

I somehow think that alot of ppl fear that self-dignity will be compromised if the Police is called...but what they dun realise is that by hiding such a thing, they r killing their self-dignity themselves!


-----------------------------------

LOL Anuj u r no longer in the NSC...ur fired.




Keshi.

Keshi said...

lolz Rick awww...HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

:) ty Suga!

-----------------------------------


ty Nicole!


**I've never been one of those girls who's planned their wedding since they were 5. I want it simple, and real.

me neither...i mean, I've dreamt of getting married but not by tagging along alot of DRAMA with it. I just want a simple declaration of love to take place...:)


And abt my friend..taking it step by step, it cudnt hv been said it any better, tnxx hun!


-----------------------------------

Ghosty tnxx!


**Women in India are empowered and smart.

I agree. Saby lives in some ancient cave thats abt 100000000 years old.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Mona!

**It would not be wise to do anything without her knowledge.

I agree...thats why Im so careful in handling this issue.


-----------------------------------

G'day Ebez!


**she possibly still loves him and always will and doesn't really want him to be in trouble.

yep..she told me that too! but cud u believe that? I mean loving someone who beats u up? I cant do that. I'd go to the Police straight away. But I agree, it wud take some time...cos when ur in love (even if it's with the wrong man), its hard to get out of an abusive r'ship...it takes time and alot of courage to loving urself again.


**wing(wo)man

LOL aww cute. THANKS Ebez HUGGGGGGGGZ! I'd ADORE being ur wing(wo)man ;-)


-----------------------------------

hey Samy HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! I've been missin ya man! All's well with ya I hope. wut happened to ya? Just being busy? Or did u get married? :)


**contrary to what many ppl believe, such ppl are also amongst the ones who go astray ... more so because of the confinement

I totally agree.


**have you seen this tamil movie - patchai kili muthu charam.

yep! It was a very scary one ha..I cudnt believe there r such women in India. I mean India is rich of culture and tradition. But yeah, there's always some ppl who r born with a criminal mind, irrespective of culture and nationality.


**license to screw

I agree...but do they hv to put a show to it when they hv already screwed? LOL!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Vik!

**why the religion

cos M is a Hindu?? And isnt Hindu supposed to be a very scared faith where the girl and the boy need to be Virgin on their wedding day (according to ancient beliefs tho)...the wedding rituals suggest that, dun they?



**You think people in any other religion don't get laid before the wedding and the ceremony after that is just a matter of fact thing which basically says you are the official wife now.

o definitely! I didnt say others dun do it. Did I? This post was abt a Hindu boy. Not an Aussie boy. Hence abt Hindu customs. :) And just cos OTHERS do it, does it make it less WRONG?


**I mean you cannot hope a virgin to be around when you get married chances are that you may not find any.

hold on! :) I didnt say u should try finding a Virgin. It's the grossest trait abt alot of Indian men. They WANT a virgin! And I hate that attitude. All I said was that if she's not a virgin (or he), then why do the virgin wedding rituals? If it's just rituals, then why do em? Whats the hypocrisy for? Why cant they hv a simple wedding sans the big hype?



**And as for as the festivities that go with the marriage, it is just a job - the priest have to do something for a living and god blessing and all that is nothing but our beliefs.

in that case, we r just living a hollow life, following traditon for the sake of it?



**With regards to the lady being abused, I think you should talk to her to call the officials or whoever that matters and inform them of her problems.

Im trying to do that at the moment...tnxx Vik!


-----------------------------------

heyy Arti!

ty darl..I'll keep u all posted on her.



-----------------------------------

Fleiger tnxx!


**And really, it is hard to change all that now, even if anyone could

I know BUT then no one is forcing u to do the wedding that way either? Why cant ppl just stop following tradition (especially if it doesnt apply to em) and be themselves for a change? Who r we afraid of? Who r we trying to impress? Society? How stupid is that. I say, if ppl hv some respect for their culture/faith, they wudnt be doing that kinda fake act on a wedding altar!


Abt my friend..Im in the process of doing that now Fleiger..tnxx alot!


-----------------------------------

hey Boy tnxx!


**. I know from my own experience, rituals and other readings were "snuk in" at my wedding, and I didn't really wish for them

hehe I guess thats wut happens to everyone :) ur right!




Keshi.

Keshi said...

George ty!

**If it is tradition to beat your wife in India doesn't make it right ... no matter what country you live in

Spot on mate!


Ignore Saby...he lives in a cave.


-----------------------------------

Choco hey tnxx!


** it feels good to have them at the wedding.

I agree..but doesnt 'feeling good' hv to come from within ur heart? I mean if/when ur not a virgin, cud u really go thru the rituals for the heck of it? I know that if it was me, I wudnt be able to do that.


ty so much for ur helpful advice on my friend's case. Im trying hard to get her help now...its just that it has be done tactfully. TY!


-----------------------------------

hey Dharma tnxx!

**'duh' i maybe, but i did not make an assumption. i said i DID NOT KNOW know if you knew. thanks for clarifying.

did u? I thought u assumed I didnt know.


**kanni certainly gets translated to virgin, but i don't think it ends there. to me, it would signify purity in thought word and deed.

so if a girl isnt a virgin, does that still make her pure in her actions? I mean according to Himdu cluture?



**why i follow what i follow is a very personal question, don't you think? i shall, nevertheless attempt to tell you why. there are aspects of hinduism that i DO understand. like one thing, for sure - that there is no such thing as hinduism. it is not a religion in the conventional sense. it is but a culture that believes the paths may be many, but all leading to the One Perfect and Complete. such things that i do understand make me proud of what i have inherited from this culture that is ageless. and it makes me strive to make meaning of the things i do not understand.


Good to hear that. But as far as I know, Hinduism in a religion...not a way of life like Buddhism is. But ofcourse u can see it in any way that suits u.


tnxx Dharma!


-----------------------------------

ty so much Jeevan!

Im glad that u agree with me..cos alot of Hindus hear lost it with me...but maybe thats cos it's very hard to accept that actually some ppl do follow rituals w.o. really knowing the meaning behind them.

abt my friend, I'm getting her help soon...tnxx Jeevan!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Annie tnxx hun!

I'd love to see a pic of u too? :)


**Traditions cant be defied & lustness cant be controlled

I agree..thats what it is! Alot of ppl find it very hard to break away from these rituals, while in real they break all the rules anyways. Funny ha :)


-----------------------------------

hey Akanksha!


**Why pose to be innocent when u're not.

Exactly my point! WHY? WHO r we trying to impress?


aww ty so much for praying for my friend. U r truly very caring.


**Try some helplines or even the police...and u may ask them to not reveal ur identity.

yes...Im in the process of doing it. tnxx hun n HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


-----------------------------------

Diya ty so much!

**But i believe the Indian society is rigid on the sexual front n the chaos on admitting of ones sexual life is terrifying

SPOT ON! thats what it is. And alot of comments from Indians here proved it so right. Cos some didnt even want to accept the truth. All they tried to do is DEFEND themselves. To me if something is doesnt make sense, it doesnt make sense. No point argueing abt it.

tnxx Diya for bringing that great point across!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx again Diya! Im inthe process of doing that now.


-----------------------------------

Chap hey how hv ya been?

:)

ty for that. Im glad u agree.


and Im helping my friend right now..tnxx to all of u!


-----------------------------------

DJ ty!

**instead pass it slow enough for her to be able to digest it and react positively...

yes! thats why Im doing it tactfully...


-----------------------------------

hey MG!


**Keshi,Why do people have such weddings? Coz they are hindus and they have to go by hindu ceremony. Simple. Or you tell me what would you suggest they do?

hehe...I expected this kind of ans from MOST Hindus. (dun get me wrong Im half Hindu by birth). If they r Hindus, do they really RESPECT Hinduism then? I mean if they arent Virgins, why do those rituals and disrespect the very faith that they come from? Im not a hard-core religious person..but what Im trying to say is, why blindly follow RELIGION, just to satisfy the society, especially if they already slept with each other? rem they r 'Hindus', right? :) So if they value their religion so much that they wanna do the perfect Hindu wedding, why didnt they think abt that when they slept b4?


**On one hand people complain that traditions are too orthodox and on other hand they want to enjoy all the goodies which comes with it. You cannot have best of both the worlds. Not all along.

Whats the goodness that comes from it? Does feeling like a 'virgin' any good, if/when ur really not one?



**And mind you, this isnt just about Hindus. This is about all religions. In one way or other. My christian friends swear by bible to hold each other until death do them apart. And do they keep thier promise? Tell me That isnt lie? That isnt hypocrisy? That isnt cheating? You take muslim ritual, you take any other religious ritual. Its all the same.

o I know that. But does that make it any better? Or does that make it less wrong?



**And I can tell this confidently every human being is selfish. He will take first oppurtunity that comes his way. And for this he is ready to break all traditions and doesnt mind being a hypocrite.

not me :)


**Irony is that most get caught and people who dont are considered saints. Almost all the time.

but Im not a saint...its just that I dun like doing things that dun make SENSE.



tnxx MG!



Keshi.

The Phosgene Kid said...

You could tell the wife's father. I found out my son-in-law was hurting my daughter he wouldn't be around too long.

Vik said...

Oh yea, for all practical purposes the religion may not have the answer to our questions and frankly so it is quite difficult to even figure out if the wife and the man are cleared to get married too but having said that it is just a belief that keeps us going that is all.

Even a terrorist would pray to Allah some point of time and so would a nice guy to Jesus or some Hindu deity, would this mean you can start comparing these characters just because they prayed . The whole idea is not to do so because if you did you would never find peace with any religion that matters to you coz there is infidelity and non-virgin sequences that would pop up and you would continue up with the rants :-)

So take it easy is all I say. Because, personally to me, all the past just does not matter. It is for the present and the future that I would like to get married to :-)

Have a good weekend.

Mumbai Guy said...

Keshi - what do you mean by "I expected this from most hindus"?
I only said your grudge is valid for all religions and not just hindus. Why the prejudice?


***If they r Hindus, do they really RESPECT Hinduism then?
Maybe. Maybe not. How is this related to respect?


*** I mean if they arent Virgins, why do those rituals and disrespect the very faith that they come from?
I asked you before and ask again. What else do you expect them to do?


****So if they value their religion so much that they wanna do the perfect Hindu wedding, why didnt they think abt that when they slept b4?
I dont say one should sleep before marraige and I have also never said people value all what religion says. No one does.


****Whats the goodness that comes from it? Does feeling like a 'virgin' any good, if/when ur really not one?
I dont think anyone even try to tell themselves that they are virgin. Again, no one cares including themselves. They just follow rituals and customs they have to. I have never met anyone in life who s/he is excited during wedding about his/her virginity. If they are not virgin, they know they cannot convince anyone including themselves.


***** o I know that. But does that make it any better? Or does that make it less wrong?
I dont say it makes anything better. But I do think you are wrong in just singling out hindus here.


***** not me :)
Now, Answer the following very honestly, to sum up this debate.

--- You said you are not really religious. This means what? Do you follow all rules of religion or do you follow only what you like? Why?

Whatever your answer is, most people follow religion in the way they like. Some out of dedication, some out of compulsion and some out of obligation and some for fun. Most people including the ones who you called hypocrites and cheats fall into this category. I for one have no grudge against them or anyone as long as they are not harming anyone.

Cheers.

Vidya said...

You asked a question "If it is just a ritual, then why do it?"

I will tell you what I feel and these are just my thoughts and I am not speaking for anybody here.

I just love the concept of these rituals. Only because it puts me in touch with my own family in a different plane. It brings people together in a whole new level. As far as marriage goes, I am such a believer in marriage. I love the fact that the guy holds the gal's hand signifying that he would "protect" her forever. Frankly, I don't need protecting. :D But the tenderness of the moment, if understood, tugs at my heart.

I am not saying all rituals are this emotional for me. Most of the rituals associated with the weddings are.

Suresh said...

George,

I appreciate the points you make your concern. But, really, is there a need to flame. Why is that people take that pleasure of flaming just because its anonymous or not being in person? Makes you wonder what society would be like if you could say what you want and not have to ever meet anyone in person.

Sorry Keshi, I didnt mean to sidestep the very important topic but I had to make the point.

On a diff note, Keshi, your blog appears on the top when I google your name. Have all the people you write about reading this blog? Just a thought.

annie said...

A full pic...doesnt seem possible bt yah a glimpse u can catch on my blog header nah..n some tiny bits on my latest post.

K M F said...

Happy Birthday to Jim too Keshi

Jim said...

The most important question that the Aishwarya-Salman relationship raises is why did an obviously 'empowered' woman such as Aishwarya Rai continue in an abusive relationship? Perhaps, she was as vulnerable and as soft a target as are women next door, says Aruti Nayar.



THE story has all the ingredients of a potboiler—a beautiful woman desperately in love with an impetuous, impulsive macho man who is devoted to her but is also given to bouts of uncontrollable aggression. She decides to distance herself from him. He runs amuck, even killing a poor pavement dweller in the process. Her parents lodge a complaint with the police to prevent her from being harassed. Not once does she acknowledge the fact that he was 'violent' with her despite the fact that he has been so many times. She accuses him of 'cheating' her. The only difference is that this potboiler does not have readymade solutions and a happy ending at the end of three hours and raises more questions than it answers.

The most important question that it raises is why did an obviously 'empowered' woman such as Aishwarya Rai put up with violence and continue in an abusive relationship. This is more pertinent in view of the fact that Salman had a history of having abused at least two other women in his life

Jim said...

Talking to women who are trapped in abusive relationships and listening to details of torture—physical, emotional and psychological—that they endure reveals the common patterns of denial, shame and self-flagellation. Irrespective of their educational and academic backgrounds, childhood experiences and professional attainments, all the women I spoke to were equally reluctant to snap out of the relationship initially, despite the enormous toll it had taken of their self-esteem and ability to cope with life. (All names have been changed to protect identities.)




Swati M, a doctor in a metro realised that her husband was habitually violent within days of her marriage when he flew into a rage over as flimsy a reason as a badly cooked meal and flung it at her. "The yellings led to slaps and punches soon and I was so traumatised that I started avoiding contact with him. He would beg forgiveness and would be back to his old ways within weeks. This see-saw battle continued until our daughter arrived. It was only when he hit me in the presence of my sister, who was not only aghast but angry at me for lumping it for three years, did I snap out of it. And to think I was an assertive and confident young girl! I realised he won't ever change and that I would end up as a wreck. It's just that you hope it will end on its own. Looking back, I wonder how I put up with it for so long."

Jim said...

What are the common fallacies that women who are in abusive relationships nurture?

Almost all of them believe that things will change one day. Just as they believe in the power of love to transform the perpetrator of violence into a caring guy full of tenderness. A majority of women believe that "I have some role in bringing it upon myself...Perhaps, I am too stubborn or self-willed". This self-blame and guilt exists because the primary responsibility to make a relationship work still rests with the woman. Another common thread that runs through the responses of women who put up with abuse is how they continue making excuses for the man. Either they try to pin the blame on his childhood trauma, financial crisis or state how he has to face a tough time at work and has had a raw deal in life to be like this...The underlying message is: a basically good guy has gone astray and his behaviour is an aberration due to an x number of factors...for all of which he is not to be blamed.

As Vaishali, a fashion designer, who ditched a boyfriend who was abusive but only after she found another friend who was caring and gentle, says, "While you are in the relationship you are governed by a strange inertia that prevents you from taking rational decisions. You try and push what is happening to the back of your mind. I remember making excuses for the bruises on my face and somewhere I started blaming myself for him not behaving in a human, leave alone a civil manner."

In fact, women in such a situation are not defending an abusive person but are "trying to defend my choice of him as a partner." From a proactive subject who is capable of taking decisions and governing the direction of one's life, one is reduced to an hapless object who is at the receiving end of abuse and violence that mutilates the spirit more than it scars the body. Even leaving an old relationship seems more traumatic than outsiders would believe because a woman who tolerates abuse loses confidence in herself and her capability to handle a relationship effectively.

As Priti, an MBA, says, "The choice is often to put up with one man’s abuse or lend yourself to being abused by society. A woman can put up with a lot within the four walls of her home but outside she feels more vulnerable and might have to cope with many more wolves than she can handle." This fear of being alone is what the men cash in upon and test the limits of her tolerance. If only women invested half as much effort they do in trying to mask the abuse in actually breaking free, they would discover reserves of inner strength, they were unaware of. And by endorsing such behaviour women are helping to increase the number of men, who as Sagar Sharma, an eminent psychologist, says "resolve their stresses by stressing others. And who are these others? The meek, the weak and the dependent." Most men do consider a woman to be emotionally dependent on them, even if she is financially empowered.

As it is our child-rearing practices that not only condone but also reinforce violence in a boy in the same way as submissiveness is extolled in a girl. Often boys grow up thinking of violence as an acceptable way of demonstrating control and aggression as a suitable means of redressing their grievances. This cycle of violence and capitulation, more violence and even the complicity of the victim, is a Catch-22 situation from which it is difficult for the woman to escape. She almost becomes addicted to it.

According to Rajshree Sarda, a clinical psychologist, "the idea of love turning into an addiction might sound bizarre but those in an addictive relationship get a paradoxical high and so are more likely to be abused and misused. A person who is dependent either stifles or gets manipulated. The inability to break away from an abusive relationship depends on whether the relationship has already imposed involvement or dependence. Love becomes loving too much and unlike substance abuse, it is intangible, thus more difficult to get rid of."

Whereas, financial security, and the future of the children might be issues for the wife and might bind her to a relationship, the same is not true of a girlfriend. The looks of a guy, his charisma, his financial status, his capacity to wield influence over you and emotional vulnerability all contribute to the appeal a boyfriend has for the partner and of course, women remain suckers for a sob story any time any day. The more you get intimate physically the more difficult it is to snap ties. Somewhere the caveman, macho image does dominate the psyche of women who admire force and rippling muscles but do not contend with it being directed at them.

tqmcintl said...

INDIA beat the shit outta Austraiaya

now they face PAKISTAN in the final

Keshi said...

Phos ty!

Thats a good idea...yet she'd know that it was me who spilled the beans..wudnt she?

well anyways I hv a plan...soon she'll be out of danger. tnxx to all of u!

-----------------------------------

Vik I think u totally lost the point I was trying to convey. Anyways tnxx!



-----------------------------------


hey MG!

Seems like u took it completely wrong...mebbe u saw this as something against Hindus ONLY. It's not. Just that story surrounds a Hindu boy.

Anyways...


**Keshi - what do you mean by "I expected this from most hindus"?
I only said your grudge is valid for all religions and not just hindus. Why the prejudice?


hehe cos tho this post was only abt a Hindu boy, this applies to all ppl of every faith. And since my blog consists of ppl from all kinds of beliefs, I noticed that it was mostly the Hindus that got annoyed by this post. Others just accepted that alot of ppl do this and it doesnt make sense. But it was mostly the Hindus who lashed back at me in annoyance. :)



***If they r Hindus, do they really RESPECT Hinduism then?
Maybe. Maybe not. How is this related to respect?

RESPECT to the Kanni puja?



*** I mean if they arent Virgins, why do those rituals and disrespect the very faith that they come from?
I asked you before and ask again. What else do you expect them to do?

Dun do those PURE virgin pujas...just get married in a simple manner w.o. a big drama.




****So if they value their religion so much that they wanna do the perfect Hindu wedding, why didnt they think abt that when they slept b4?
I dont say one should sleep before marraige and I have also never said people value all what religion says. No one does.

then dun be a hypocrite...atleast I wont be. So thats why I wrote this post. Its not abt ur beliefs...its abt my beliefs.



****Whats the goodness that comes from it? Does feeling like a 'virgin' any good, if/when ur really not one?
I dont think anyone even try to tell themselves that they are virgin. Again, no one cares including themselves. They just follow rituals and customs they have to. I have never met anyone in life who s/he is excited during wedding about his/her virginity.


How d u know that?





***** o I know that. But does that make it any better? Or does that make it less wrong?
I dont say it makes anything better. But I do think you are wrong in just singling out hindus here.

Once again I hv to emphasise the point that this post was abt a Hindu boy..one who comes from a pure vegetarian family...a very strict one. So I wasnt singling out Hindus only. I can only write abt who/what I know. I cant write abt ppl of all religions can I!



***** not me :)
Now, Answer the following very honestly, to sum up this debate.
--- You said you are not really religious. This means what? Do you follow all rules of religion or do you follow only what you like? Why?


no I dun follow only wut I like. Im a Buddhist. Its a way of life. Not a religion. And in Buddhism, we dun practise Hypocrisy. Its always abt the TRUTH. Living life, doing good, being honest and knowing that this life is all an illusion anyways. So I dun wanna add to that illusion by following rituals blindly. i.o.w. when I do something, I'd like to make SENSE.



**Whatever your answer is, most people follow religion in the way they like. Some out of dedication, some out of compulsion and some out of obligation and some for fun. Most people including the ones who you called hypocrites and cheats fall into this category. I for one have no grudge against them or anyone as long as they are not harming anyone.


O god this isnt abt Religion or a grudge. This post was abt some ppl living in denial of their own actions. MG u hv completely taken it as something against Hindus and it seems to me that u hv taken it very personally. Im sorry I cant help that.




Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Vidya that was lovely!

** But the tenderness of the moment, if understood, tugs at my heart.

aww...


-----------------------------------

hey Suresh be free to express ur views here.

I hope u and George will sort it out. :)



**Keshi, your blog appears on the top when I google your name. Have all the people you write about reading this blog?

o really? nah none of my friends/relatives know abt this blog. Only my fav cousin knows abt it. :)


-----------------------------------


ow thanks Annie I'll check it out!



-----------------------------------


KMF ty!


-----------------------------------


Jim tnxx for that!

yes alot of women in abusive r'ships think that it wud somehow get better..when it really wont.


-----------------------------------


k Saby!



Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

OKAY HOWS U?? TODAY? I AM NOT wELL AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

Mumbai Guy said...

****then dun be a hypocrite...atleast I wont be. So thats why I wrote this post. Its not abt ur beliefs...its abt my beliefs.


Lolz. You ask for others opinion, you get asked for clarifications and then you make these statements. Thank You.

And Hypocrite me, eh? Good going Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kayls wuts wrong hun?



-----------------------------------

hey MG!

**Lolz. You ask for others opinion, you get asked for clarifications and then you make these statements. Thank You.
And Hypocrite me, eh? Good going Keshi.


gawwd MG I didnt call YOU a hypocrite. I was talking abt ppl like M that I mentioned in this post. duh!


there u proved it...u took this post personally. WHY MAY I ASK? then again, dun worry.



Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

heart is hurting ..again...at least I am on a transplant list :)

George said...

Suresh ... I am sorry but I did not flame anybody ... if somebody voices their opinion then myself or anybody are allowed to express their opinion regarding what was said. What many of these people had said was stupid, ignorant, and tantamount to saying beating and murdering your spouse was OK.

Tell me something ... if I was at a party one night and another guest pissed me off so I beat the crap out of him ... could I be arrested and sentenced to time in jail? In Australia? In India? I think you will say the answer is yes. Then what is different when it comes to a man beating his wife?

I respect everybody's opinion but by expressing their opinion they open themselves to hearing my voice telling them how wrong they are ... they are condoning the battering of this woman by her husband ... he should be in jail. If I, or anybody I know was that displeased with my spouse I would find another. Perhaps, when he does go to prison in Australia, he will meet bigger, stronger prisoners who do not like wife beaters ... he will then receive what is his due.

Jim said...

WORDS
hehehehe


someone misread your WORDS
hahahahaha

Jim said...

poor GEORGIE






.

Jim said...

punjabi women ....


if u dont beat dem now and then
they will not respect u


u must be marad to them

Jim said...

its part of your marital duties
they enjoy violent love making

Keshi said...

:*( Kaylz...plz TC hun.



-----------------------------------

George ty!

And I know wut u mean...



**Then what is different when it comes to a man beating his wife?

I totally agree!


-----------------------------------


Jim ur a sicko. So I dun even wanna take ur comments seriously.




Keshi.

Jim said...

dont take life seriously guys
nothing u can do or say will change the world




we gotta accept the world as it is
dont be pompous

greater men than u or me tried
and failed

Jim said...

the NORTH and SOUTH INDIAN are poles apart

the punjabis are funn loving flesh eaters and boisterous and join the ARMY


the SOUTH INDIANS are vegetarian shy introverted and highly educated
and wont hurt a fly

their bedroom behaviour are different

Keshi said...

Jim its just that YOU dun wanna change ur pig-headed ways. but there r others who hv tried and achieved a change in them, for the wellbeing of everyone else ard them!


Keshi.

niki yokota said...

pig-headed? lololol
thank u very much for ur thoughtful comment...

Suresh said...

George, you miss the point re. beating wife. I am not saying that its okay for the guy to beat his wife up. Plus, the example you give has a slightly diff flavor to it than the case here. If I saw him beating his wife, then I will definitely call the cops (after I sock him a couple of times myself perhaps :)). Here, the woman has confided just to vent. She has asked Keshi not to tell anyone. Women dont like to go to cops for various reasons. One could be that she may be out of luck for her next meal. She may not get the support of her own family. There could be a million reasosn why she wouldnt want her husband to be draggged away by the cops. Fear could be one reason too. She needs to be comfortable first to go through the process. Guess what, if Keshi weer to call the cops and the cops show up at her door what are the chances that she is going to confirm the story to the cops. Chances are very low. And either way she is going to get major beating for cops showing up. Plus a lot of explanation to do to him as to how it happened. Its just not practical.

Suresh said...

BTW George, we are neighbors. I live not too far away from the Quebec border in Ontario.

annie said...

Yeah dear thats me in da black top...thnx:)

Vest said...

It all depends if you are dim enough to swallow all or any of the skulduggery and flim flam procured by the chanting and vestment clad dignatories of the many and variable sectors of the Faith Industry.
I say believe whatever you wish, If it is all a matter of pleasing your Family and friends, just go along with it. Its all a lot of bollocks anyhow, just lie and tell them you are virgins, your chances of getting to heaven are just as good as a robbers dog or the Pope.

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

virginity is overrated!!

anyway am still a virgin but thats really not coz i dun want to do it before marriage ... its probably coz am waitin for the right guy ... and of course he will be the one i will marry :D

anyway ... txt me his London number LOL .. lemme handle him now n see how indecent he can take LOL ;p

Keshi said...

Niki u know how stubborn Saby can get. He needs to get over himself. Cos half the time he's all wrong!

:)

-----------------------------------

hey Suresh tnxx for that!


I know wut u mean too...it's a very fiddly situation that Im in at the moment. But Im already getting the help she needs...w.o. her knowledge. tnxx to all ur tips!


**One could be that she may be out of luck for her next meal. She may not get the support of her own family

yes there r many reasons WHY a woman may not report to the police. But in this friend's case, she is doing a top job, has a very loving family and is an independent woman...thats why I cant u'stand why she's putting herself thru this!

-----------------------------------


Annie U R BEAUTIFUL! I can say that by looking at just half a pic :)



-----------------------------------


heyy Vest!

** Its all a lot of bollocks anyhow, just lie and tell them you are virgins, your chances of getting to heaven are just as good as a robbers dog or the Pope.

LOL thats what I mean. Who r we kidding - ourselves!


-----------------------------------


hey Cheesy the Pommy Virgin :):)


so u'd hv sex b4 marriage Cheesy? I mean if he's the right one? Interesting...




Keshi.

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

well i might ... depends what situation i am in really..

am still waitin for his number! LOL

Keshi said...

lolz Cheesy!

wuteva u do dun be in a hurry girl. TC n HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.