Manly Consequences

These were some real angry deeds by some real angry women who found their men cheating on them. See, it's so much more easier not to cheat, right? Personally I wouldn't do THAT to my man if I ever catch him playing behind my back...I would actually make him genitally handicapped (in Lorena Bobbit style), so he can cheat himself all his life. WOW what a cool chance for cheaters ha! So dear Men, be faithful, honest and keep your Women happy! Next week, I will update the Winners from 2 posts down. I've got some friends visiting from Texas this weekend...will be taking them around. Hope you have a good one too.

Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight...a real Man please. ;-) Or would you cheat behind mah back?

Current Music: Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man by ABBA

Rate My Blog!

That sizzling last post is halted for a bit...cos I really have to get this out of my system. A female reader here stated the following about my blog today:

"of late keshi, the tone of your blog has started veering towards slutty. yeah, it was smart and sexy before... now i feel its beginning to get sleazy. i know you are a sensitive and intelligent girl (that comes out in your posts and views) and there is more to you than the cleavage shots that have become regular on your blog. My opinion is that there is a thin line between sexy and slutty & somewhere down the way, that line was crossed here... its all done in fun, but i don't enjoy it.... so, i don't comment... having said that, let me also tell you that you've surprised me. With the amount of visitors and comments you get, do you really care if a few ppl don't visit / don't comment? or what opinions they form about about your blog? I'd not care... honestly, and i thought neither would you..."

And my answer to that would be, which century do you live in girl? Boobs/Cleavage isn't 'slutty'...women who sell their bodies to men are called sluts...not articles about Boobs. And NO I don't think my blog is Slutty or Sleazy. If a cleavage shot or a post about Boobs is rated Slutty, then I wonder why God made us women with such body-parts! Are you ashamed of yourself? Besides, there are no totally naked/porn pics in my blog so I think I know how NOT to cross that thin line between Sexy and Slutty. If anyone has a problem with this blog, please stay out of it..you should not be even reading it! I'm quite transparent and if that's such an issue with your beliefs or in the country you live, then the problem is not really in me...it's in you. Open your eyes and wake up to the truth about being a woman...yes we have boobs and we should be proud of it! No one should be called 'slutty' for stating that. I can't believe that comment came from a woman herself. It's really appalling that some women think writing or talking about boobs is such a bad thing. Sluts live in brothels..not in this blog hunny! Get that right. Then again, let's just say my blog is Slutty...so what? If this isnt your cuppa, WHY ARE YOU HERE? People who don't like my so-called 'slutty' blog can get the hell outta here for good!

And about me getting 100s of comments and do I care about my FRIENDS not visiting me anymore? YES I DO. If that's weird to you, then again, it's not my problem..it's your's. Alot of people like to pretend that they don't care if their friends don't visit their blogs..but in real they do care. Otherwise, why do we blog? They just like to act like they are totally cool and unaffected..that's all. I'm not talking about strangers..I'm talking about close friends here. And you're in no position to judge that freindship when you don't know what I'm talking about. So please stay away from making hollow remarks. The person who wrote that comment is not a close friend and that 'Bitch In Training' post wasn't for her either. Besides, no friend will rate my blog Slutty to begin with! Only an insensitive woman would say such a thing to another woman. Do people just come here for a good time at the expense of others? Sadly it seems to be that.


Go ahead rate my blog people...cos I'd like to hear what you have to say. Is it Horror, R, M, PG, Slutty, Sleazy, Whorish etc etc? I would love to know how you 'classify' my online home. I shared my heart with all of you here, and SLUTTY is the last thing I want VivaForever to be seen as. Don't drag me into your personality and how you grade others. And just cos you say I'm this and that, I don't become that either. So you're free to think anything about my blog, but please learn to talk with Respect next time (especially when I haven't judged your blog in any manner at all). The more I meet people like the commentor above, the more I lose total faith in Blogville.


I'm 100% woman, I have nice boobs and a nice ass, I love talking about them and I'm proud of them...ya got any problem with that? Then you should reverse real quick and go back to wherever you came from, hoping never to return!

(note: take part in my last post as usual...the game is still on).


Current Music: Say It Right by Nelly Furtado

Sexploiting Sexperiences

Being a slave and all, I totally surrender to this particular slavery, and that's LUST. THE super hot German babe Claudia Schiffer apparently said 'Nothing can replace Sex'. ummm, I wonder if she ever tried a nice warm bath in the tub on a moonlit night, those 'orgasmic' yummalicious chocolates, shoes babeh shoes - Manolo Blahniks to be precise, silver stoned droplet earrings that 'tickle' your fancy, a shirtless John Abraham - basically sex on legs *gasps for breath*, a black halterneck top that makes ya wanna stare at your own cleavage for hours, rock music that gives ya audio orgies, reading a good piece of 'smartarse' article that gives you a brain orgy, driving alone listening to Dire Straits that'll make ya moan in total bliss, finding your blogmates awe-inspiring comments and posts that leave you with total euphoria, rich creamy coffee on a Wintery morning that'll have ya saying Yes Yes Yes!, dancing to some good music that'll make your body and soul unite in an I'm-getting-DONE-here kinda breathless frenzy, perving on my Bon-Jovi lookalike workmate while he's washing his cup at the sink that makes me wanna unbutton him on the spot *lol*, getting all dressed up and looking damn hawt that you become the Sex, watching the waves flirting sitting on a white sandy beach etc etc - yeah they too are Sex to me dahlin.

So, dear Miss.Claudia only-hunks-can-do-me Schiffer , have you ever tried any of this before you made that rather germy statement from Germanaaaay? Wonder if she ever got an orgy walking on the ramp. Maybe not. I'd though. Supermodels do need some BIO-fuel anyways ya know...cos they hardly eat, you see. But don't get me wrong, I like Claudia...she's a levelheaded chick and she's hot. Just that, if there's no replacement for Sex, then there'd be alot of people molesting each other like wild baboons, duncha think hunny?As for me, Kurt Cobain is Sex on vocals, Issey Miyake is Sex on scent, Oysters are Sex on a plate, a hot black bra is Sex on cloth, a popsicle is Sex on a stick, holding hands with someone you love is Sex on touch, locking lips in deep passion is Sex on tongue, watching something erotic is Sex on sight, the cute Butcher I recently spotted is Sex on a shopping trip etc etc...it's everywhere. You don't have to be making love to someone to feel excited or to find your sexual urge.

Ya know, I feel alot of Bloggers are sex starved/sex deprived *breaking news oyeah!*. Not cos we can't get it, it's cos we don't wanna get it for the heck of it. It has to be with the right one - right girls and boys? Not with any Mofo you see. Anyways, I know we all make do with whatever we have, to cover up the 'massive starvation' *almost like Ethiopia*...and it's ok. Making Love can be a far cry for some people and some won't get it even after they turn into fossils *waiting for Mr/Miss.Right can be quite a long wait ya know* . Reminds me that my last passionate kiss was some aeons ago...maybe when the Dinosaurs existed? *pictures a skeleton of a girl sitting on a park bench staring at her expired boobs*. But yeah like I said before, you don't have to be on a bed with someone to experience Sex or to find your Lust. Anyways here's my question to ya:

What are some things that can replace Sex?


Go for it men, women, boys and girls - come join in the fun and never be shy to be honest. There's nothing to be ashamed of something so natural...and losing self control when it comes to FEELING isn't wrong...controlling yourself is. And I'll update ya all with the best answers in my next post. yeah babeh spill it all out and you guessed it right, I'm on a horny trip ;-)

Current Music: Self Control by Laura Branigan

Eleutherophobia

As I lay myself to sleep, I wonder. From the day we are born, we become slaves to something, someone, somewhere down the line. Slaves. Yes that's what we are, however much you may try to deny that. Raped by life's seduction, manipulated by a family system, controlled by desire, driven by dreams, hungered by power, satiated by hope, chased by society, stopped by a milestone only to find a new one being born...and the cycle repeats. Slaves don't rest. They run until they become the run...and they don't even realise it. You may say this is life and if there isn't any 'chase' there's no fun in it. Fair enough. But why do we always have to be slaves to something in order for life to be LIVED? That's because we are also slaves to our minds. We are slaves to our ego, greed, jealousy, desire...we are slaves to our families, religions, careers, beliefs etc...we are slaves to others and to ourselves. Prisoners of self and society. Beaten by rules, punished by the system, bound by the chains of expectations, we are the slaves of slaves. We claim we're doing great in life but have we ever stepped out of this jail? Have we ever fed a hungry man and felt good about it? Have we ever climbed a mountain and kissed the skies? Have we ever learnt to let go and be free? Nah, cos it's all about us isnt it? Cos all we care is about us...our life...our wants...our dreams. A fear of being alone, a fear being left out, a fear of being a fish outta water, a fear of rejection somehow drives us to be locked...to be behind bars...to be trapped by the venom of glory that kills the passion and freedom...for ideas to be controlled. Humans are eleutherophobic creatures wandering around longing to be desired, wanting to be wanted, screaming to be heard, ending up as mere slaves of one another. Raped by life yet thriving with those scars. We are self-made slaves. I'm a prisoner of my existence. Are you? Cos I know I'm not the only one.

The Flying Kissee of the day is...

A heart that really beats, feels and marches ahead in no fear, and it's none other than our darling Samby! Those who know him know how AMAZING this young man is...he's only 20 and talks like he's 101. LOL no offense to ya Samby, what I meant is your wisdom. It's as big as the ocean at such a tender age...you must have gone through alot to acquire that kind of knowledge about life. Cos it can't come free. Such wisdom comes only from true life experiences. Your words always echo in my head..it's like you speak my mind and you say it so brilliantly. Samby has a way of making you want to read his every post, wanting to grab every line he writes cos it's pure bliss to the soul...it's cool water to my open sores. He turns his pain into healing others who have been there and makes you realise that you're not alone. I'd like to quote Samby here...something that he said that had me in awe of his brilliance. "I am stuck here on this earth...I am not allowed to die...but am not allowed to live"...and another one by Samby "Pain..I have become numb...when the pain gets too much... the pain itslef becomes the medicine". So need I tell you anymore about this awesome guy who's got a heart as big as the Everest and wisdom as wide as the ocean? Go check him out for yourself, you'll be hooked in no time. Though I'm a big sis to Samby, sometimes Im the 'older woman' that he fancies, hai na Samby...LOL! Samby are ya scared of this 'older' woman? Whatever you do, please don't take your shirt off cos I'd die instantly haha! Just look at him girls...isn't he what God made (when He was totally sober) for women? MWACCKKKZ! Dija feel it? ;-). Enjoy your day Samby, you'll never know how much respect and love I have for ya mate. You rock and I wish you all the best in your life! Whatever comes your way, remember Keshi has a place for ya in her heart and will always be thinking of ya. IMO this is the greatest song ever written and it's dedicated to your brave spirit...

Current Music: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Bitch In Training

Hello hello hello heyyloww....Something that I have noticed in Blogville is some people claiming that they are going through a tough time/busier than before, hence they don't wanna blog anymore and shutting down the blog. After a while you see/hear about the same people having started a different blog account or Myspace or whatever, and going on with life as usual. Which is great and which is good for them. Cos I do know that as humans we all go through bizzare mood-swings, say one thing but do another thing..and that's fine. BUT, what saddens me alot is when so-called friends who said they wont be in blogs anymore do appear in other blogs but not mine. I don't mean to be a comment-whore...no that's not me. When I said they are not in my blog anymore, I meant they don't even say a HI anymore. They don't have to read my posts (I really don't care if people read my posts or not, it's totally upto them), but if we were good friends here before and you suddenly drop out of my blog without an explanantion and I see you everywhere else, well trust me I fucking hate that...and yes it gives me a fake impression of ya. Was I really a friend to ya or was I just a part of your constructive interference? As much as you were there for me, I was there for you too but nah I don't expect you to comment here cos of that. Neither do I want you to rock my cradle 24/7 but I'd like to know why I have been singled out. It hurts. I do know that I have a massive following here...100s of comments in each post. But that doesn't mean I'm a machine..I do have a beating heart and I do recognise and remember each and everyone of you! Even if you come to VivaForever after a year of a break (as some people do), I will still remember ya. And I appreciate that some long-lost friends do drop by and say Hi to me after a long time...that's really sweet of them. But once when I asked a friend why he doesn't drop by anymore, he said, 'Keshi I read ur posts but I don't comment cos u have too many friends'. That's a really sad reply. Just cos I have many people commenting here that doesn't mean I don't deserve a Hello? That doesn't mean I don't need your friendship? That doesn't mean your PC won't allow you to type a HI to Keshi? I'm not a person who's sitting here collecting 100s of comments for the heck of it, or to feed my Ego. I'm here reading all of you and replying to each one of you cos I CARE. If I didn't, I can choose not to reply to any of ya or make my posts non-commentable. I value each and every one of you as a 'friend', not as just another 'commentor'.


Well there are some people I don't visit anymore cos we've had ugly fights and ended the friendship. But there are others I feel who don't wanna visit me anymore cos they think I'm so up myself with a large group here or maybe they are just jealous? Well tell you what. I don't give a damn anymore if you don't want to drop a HI. I don't keep a blogroll so I only visit friends who are current with me. So from now on, if you're out of sight here, then consider yourselves out of my mind too. Please don't come here whining 'Keshi why arent you in my blog anymore' etc etc. So next time when the chips are down, don't expect me to offer my shoulder for you to cry. Call me a selfish biyatch, well guess what..I better act what you portrayed me as from the beginning, shouldn't I? If I was labelled as a total 'BITCH' by some people, well I better be one, shouldn't I...what say guys? Cos they really haven't seen the BITCH in me yet. I'm getting super bitchier (Dalmation style and all) by the day...it's a survival mechanism. And FYI just last week I started taking Bitch Pills *says that with a major attitude and gangster hand movements*. haha you go girl! And those people who are way too up their arse to associate Keshi anymore, from now on plz talk to my hand! Cos from now on, I give my heart only to those who really DESERVE it.

Note: If you haven't read the last post yet please do so. That'll make you smile if not this.


Current Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

Current Music Update: Come As You Are by Nirvana

Words Fail Me My Love!

Solitaire with her coolest ideas of all, got us all to write a matrimonial Ad in her Short & Sweet blog today (there's an Ad structure to follow as well). So I wrote the following Ad as my contribution to her post, and I thought it would be good if I put it up in my blog, so you can read it in the weekend. So here is my matrimonial ad:


WANTED a domesticable, can-cook-n-clean and superb-in-bed Male for an outgoing, bitchy-but-lovable and shoe-crazy Female.

She is 'educated' enough to be a wife and careerwoman, and 'earns' alot of LOVE from everyone she meets per month.

Comes from a very 'dysfunctional' family.
Father is a Detective (*meet the Fokkers*) and mother is a 'Nutcase' just like the daughter. Sister, let's not even go there.

Her hobbies include blogging, looking for blog-fodder (beware next post might be on u), living in a blog, hosting blog parties, thinking too much, listening to music, blogging about music, did I say Blogging? ok!

Would prefer a blogger, blog-programmer by profession, blogaholic or blogworm, someone who can shutup and listen at times, someone who is easy to talk to, someone who is not up himself, overly religious men will not be considered, better drink alcohol, smoke if you want, eat meat wutever but plz don't eat my head, better know good music and have a decent dress sense, smell good enough not to shoot you down, clean and hygenic, no gingivitis sufferers plz, preferably an emotional-wreck to feel equal, caste MUST be Human, must be handsome in the heart, must speak Sense, should come from an equally 'hilarious' family, should be able to tolerate pure crap, better know what Grunge is, should be prepared to sleep on the couch if a sudden request is received, gotta be able to give up on TV when asked to, should have his own house to go back to if asked to leave, better have your own car not to hog her's and MUST be 'Ugly' if u know what I mean.

Will give details of more 'requirements' when asked for. Yes there's more.

If u want her horoscope here it is:

Sun on her face
Moon in her eyes
Saturn in her deeds
Mercury in her blood
Venus in her flirtations
Jupiter in her pocket
Uranus in ur-anus

Other planets are busy doing something else I guess. Will tell u later where they are.

A recent photo of the guy will be much appreciated, w.o. morhping it ofcourse. Attached is a recent pic of the woman being considered in this Ad (a bit of a ghost sometimes). Send in your applications today and be her man ooh lala!

Have a good weekend guys! ;-)


Current Music: More Than Words by Extreme

The Spies Who Luuurve Me!

So the Aussie cops used all those brilliant tips given by this notorious woman's many Spies (check last post), and arrived at her apparently 'recent' home address...which is keshigirl.blogspot.com. And they 'virtually' knocked on her door when she opened it looking like this (quite a suspicious look):





Cop: You're under arrest Miss.Keshi.
*loud music blasts out of the house...a massive party is going on inside...drunken voices echo in euphoria*
Keshi: Duncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
*says that, smirks and slams the door on the cop's face*
*the annoyed cops knock on the door again*
Cop: Open the door Miss.Keshi or we might have to break your door!
*without opening the door, a loud voice is heard from inside*
Mutley: Who let the dogs out (woof woof woof woof...)!
*cops look at each other baffled beyond comprehension*
*Keshi comes back to the door*
Keshi: Don't disturb me man...just get a life will ya? Or if you're so desperate, come join the party. You're Welcome in my house ya know

*she winks at the cop*

*then a notorious drunken female voice screams from the house*

Bev: Keshi come back, I need you to rub my back woman!

*Keshi turns and says this to her*

Keshi: I'll be there hun, just get Ankur, Helen or Satish to do it for ya..they're awesome at that ya know.

*looks at the cop now with quizzical brows*

Cop: You're a Wanted criminal...you need to come with us lady.

*now he's almost falling for her wink and cleavage and his eyes start to squint*

Keshi: Who gave ya this address Mr.Cop Handsome? Was it dahlin Mav?

*seduces him heavily until he loses all his brain powers and shows her the list*
Cop: A massive number of spies Miss.Keshi...you have no idea.
*and shows Keshi the long list of names who dobbed on her*

*Keshi thinks for a moment and wonders what a brillaint Reward these people are to her and to themselves...for being in her life. And yes, this is their reward, for tipping me off...my massive ongoing party for them in my online home. And this fool doesn't even know that. And she says this to the officer*


Keshi: hahahahaha! They are all in here with me u blockbuster idiot. They are the spies who luuurve me! So, u too start loving me loserboy, come in and join the party. We have Vodka, Bacardi, COCKtails to soothe your ego, a DICKtionary if you wanna learn our net slang, FUCKbook if you wanna start off with a no-frills cheap virtual cop account, MyAss if you want some ghetto loving, Donn the highly intelligent human knowledgebase for anything you wanna know about this place, 'ROFL' to be used if you really don't feel like rolling on the floor while you laugh, Veenz to write you beautiful love poems, Slides to put in your cop-ass pics and show off, Youtube to get drugged on Music, Anonymous wankers to make you wanna resign from your cop job, 'MWAHS' to kiss and to be kissed if you're one of those pathetic souls like me who last got kissed in 1901, 'HUGS' to be felt when you realise your partner is gay, Preeti to make you feel like you have your own sis, Prats to love you always etc etc...and most of all we have real Buddies - human hearts conveying their deepest emotions in bits and bytes right across the globe, when all you do is wear a crappy uniform and go around trying to catch thieves that are probably laughing their ass off watching ya. So come join us, in my house, for the biggest Party on Earth, where we drink and dance to forget...

*Cop starts to sing*

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There Keshi stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
This could be heaven or this could be hell?

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the hotel Bloggermania
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the hotel Bloggermania
Any time of year, you can find it here
... ... ...

Her mind is PRETTY twisted, she got ALOT of bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget...

So I called up the G-man,
please bring me my wine
He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the hotel Bloggermania
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the hotel Bloggermania
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And Keshi said 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They blog it with their steely minds,
But they just can't kill the thrills!

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax', said Solitaire,
We are programmed to receive
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!

And then Nirmal grabbed the cop inside, put his 'soda' glasses on the cop, and aksed him to LOOK properly. Look what a marvellous GANG Keshi has in her house! The cop got jinxed into it instantly, seeing the super sexy AND intelligent chicks like Cindy, Priya, Lisa, Prachi, Ammu, Pavi, Pri, Carolinagal, Ria, Swati, Milady, Shionge and Elusive in the house, and those awesome emotional-alcoholics from all over the world like Samby, Tys, Clyde, Dhruv, Vish, Sid, Fingers, Jeevan, Vesty, Amit and Steve. So he joined them and they all partied together happily ever after...cos ya know, he could never leave!

(Please note that this post includes only a few pics and names of the large gang that Keshi hangs out with. note: if your pic OR name, OR both appeared here, then your tip was brilliant. Due to the inability of obtaining pics from ALL her friends and making such a large post, only few were selected based on their top tips. But please know ALL of you were in my mind as I wrote this post and ALL of you are loved equally MWAH n tnxx! And a special TY to Nirmal Genius for 'Hotel California' tip from last week which inspired me to re-write the lyrics to suit this post.).


Checkin' out now but ya know, I never leave...


Current Music: Hotel California by Eagles

Australia's Most Wanted!

This is the most wanted woman in Australia (see pics). And here are some clues to what she's like, that may lead to mind-cuffing her for the first and the last time! She is a...

**Thief of Hearts (beware she'll make you need a Heart transplant!)
**'Six' Offender (abuses a certain 6 letter word all the time - FUCKER)
**Breaker of rules (you say 'No Right Turn' here? She'll say there are no Right/Wrong turns u dingbat!)
**Kidnapper of souls (will never return your soul, o nos!)
**Disrespecter of the Law (her middle finger is always up at the Law, bad girl!)
**Beautiful liar (seduces you til you're broke off your pants - not the money, your sense of being!)
**Owner of multiple personalities (from wicked Witch to sugary Angel to nagging Granma to screaming Biyatch!)
**Cleptomaniac (steals every little bit of your attention when she's around ya - Watch Out!)
**'Cereal' offender (hates Cereal. Would kill to avoid it!)
**Manic stalker (once you meet her, her spirit won't let you sleep at night - ooooo spookaay!)
**Blog psychopath (hogs massive amount of Blogger space at gun point *gun shots follow*)
**Killer rapist (violates your mind beyond recognition!)
**Substance abuser (abuses her own Grey Matter to death!)

**Skilled sniper (will shoot down your senses from afar)
**Scandalous drug dealer (gives lethal doses of her Cocainish mind to everyone she meets!)
**Silent voyeur (she sees what's beneath your skin and under your ribs (not jocks, relax). creeeeepaay!)
**Intruder of your existence (breaks into every Life form she comes across *lock your souls people!*)
**Notorious polygamist (flirts heavily with countless men *female Rasputin*)
**Drunk driver (speed demon of her screaming conscience - woooosh!)
**Tax avoider (won't take any crap for even a million dollars!)
**Queen of profanity (Fuck Off is her motto, MoFo is her bestfriend aha!)
**Dangerous arsonist (sets you on fire *she's got enough heat*)
**Bank robber (steals the local river banks all day long)
**Mind hacker (scans all your deep dark secrets through her Crystal Ball *muhahahaha!* )
**Closet nympho (beware ladies, she'll steal your halter-necks, earrings and stilettos at any cost!)
**Infamous Pole dancer (where there's Music she'll dance like a serial killer high on Vodka!)

**Photo addict (hide your cameras, your cleavages ladies, and your butts guys!)
**Major drama queen (refuses to be arrested and she may kick you and spit on ya!)

Have you seen this notorious woman? So far it's been mission impossible for us. If you know any information about this woman, please contact the nearest Police station. On second thoughts, don't! Cos then she'll start repeat-perving on the handsome officers *rolling eyes*. So if you know anything about her, just leave a comment here - tell us what she is like, her whereabouts, her habits, her ways, her hiding places, her recent crimes, her acquaintances etc etc...just anything you know about her. Top tips will be rewarded with a surprise after receiving all your comments here. Here's your chance to win something, so dob this woman in. Go for it people!

Current Music: Mission Impossible theme

Shadows Never Leave

Pain revisited me on Friday night. Something happened. An argument. Something that need not have taken place. Sometimes I try so hard to be 'nice' to people around me despite their massive egos and immaturities, and then all I get in return is a rude 'stay out of my life'. It hurts...cuts deeply. Cos why do I have to put up with that anyways! Sometimes I just get along for the heck of it...to maintain peace. And this is what I get? If there's a God, then He must be a drunk loser! When the need to be loved gets mistaken for something else, it hurts alot. When I'm treated like nothing, when I'm misunderstood and laughed at, it makes me wanna die. It feels like my breath has been stolen. Have you ever felt pain so much that it becomes difficult to breathe? Have you ever felt like your life has been wriggled out of your body? Have you ever felt as if that pain is walking down a one-way street? The feeling never ends. Sometimes it gets really too hard to cope cos that pain follows me around. Sometimes amidst my many smiles, there are a million invisible tears. Sometimes I run out of tears...the pain becomes too much. There is a hungry bitch stalking me for life. I'm trying hard to break the stone walls that's in my way...but as soon as it cracks, another one is being built. I try to hack it to death...but it has more power to hack me back. Pain has a way of crawling in the dark, slowly into your mind and camping there for good. I can ask it to leave, but it mocks me for life, pretending it's gone. But I feel it..I feel something in the way. It's a dark trap tied to my life, always walking with me. Something that's always appearing infront of me, reminding me that I'm not free...reminding me that I'm destined to live with it. Pain is my shadow, walking infront of me when the sun is shining behind me, and walking behind me when the sun is infront of me...reminding me it's here to stay. I'm running out of my 'Morphine'. Sometimes nobody around me seem to understand me but I still have to be the puppet on strings just so that everyone else is happy...and that suffocates me.


Current Music: Something In The Way by Nirvana

Cardiology

No I'm not gonna go back to Uni and become a Heart Specialist. Relax. I'm just gonna talk about some matters of the heart :). It's Mothers' Day on Sunday in this part of the world. And though I'm not a mother (not yet, wonder if I'd ever get a chance to be one), I have alot of mothers in my life...not just my mum. To me, Mother means Giver. Someone who has an unconditional love towards another...someone who is always there for you...someone who'd give you more than they would take from you...someone's who's heart knows no bounds when it comes to love...someone who may fight with you but hugs you at the end of the day. A 'mother' doesn't always have to be your biological mother. Some people can love you as much as your mother can, even more. A Mother is a Giver. And I have many mothers in my life. Here's proof:

There's a friend in my life who once opened her door for me, when I left my Aunt's place after some stupid argument (in my Uni days when I used to board at my Aunts' place). I was so upset, so sad, so alone, I just had to leave and I didn't know who'd take me into their home...I just packed my bags, got into a taxi and went to her house in the night...she opened the door, didn't say a word, took me and my bags in and shut the door behind us. Few days later I went back to my aunt's place but the fact that my friend took me in not knowing why I was there and without even asking me anything at all, made my heart feel a strong unconditional love that's rare even in some families. Yeah I see her as a Mother that I came across in my life. (btw above is a pic of a real baby girl being left in the gutter by her mother)

Then there was this little girl I once saw at the mall. She didn't even know who I was, but as soon as she saw me she came running to me and gave me one big hug with her tiny arms wrapped around my skirt (she was only upto my knees...that tiny!) much to her mum's surprise. That very beautiful and innocent gesture made my heart feel a love that was non-judgemental and as pure as morning dew. Quite like a mother's love. Yeah I see her as a Mother I came across in my life...that little girl! Then I see a very old homeless woman in the street...and I see her smile at me...a genuine smile...she reminds me of my granma. I shed a tear as I walked past her. She was a mother to me...for a few seconds she was.

These are only 3 incidents out of many. My point is, people don't have to love you forever and every single minute to make your heart jump in joy and to feel loved. It only takes one small gesture free of judgement to realise how much a person truly sees you for who you are. It doesn't matter that they don't do that all the time or that you breakup later on...but the fact remains that atleast for one minute, they loved you uncoditionally. And that's a huge thing to do by any human. Cos to love unconditonally is not that easy. So embrace it when it happens. Even Mothers and kids fight, but they somehow make up...some may never (I know some families where mothers and children don't talk to each other and it's very very sad). But what's important is that you did have some love shared between the hearts, when you could...love prints that have been left in your heart.

Last night I attended an event held on behalf of Mothers' Day...and there were kids as young as 3 who came on stage saying why they loved their mothers. They were so damn cute and I had tears in my eyes as I heard their cute lil voices on the microphone. A VERY CUTE 3yr old boy told the crowd 'I love my mother cos she lets me watch ABC Kids on TV'...now how special is that! To him, his mum is special cos she allows him to watch something that he enjoys...as simple as that. Another lil bubz, about 4yrs old told 'I love my mother cos she cooks pasta for me'...so darn sweet! And a bigger kid said 'I love my mum cos she helps me with my homework'. And one baby girl with a big ponytail said 'I love my mum cos she's my mum'. So you see, they have very simple reasons for loving their mums...kids don't ask for too much, neither do you have to do too much to love them. Love is a feeling that has to be enjoyed, not conditioned to your expectations. So it doesnt matter how big/small the deed is, it's how your heart felt at that moment.

So tell me one good thing that you have learnt from your mum. Lets be kids this weekend and get to know each others' mums. One thing that I have learnt from my mother is to forgive people's mistakes. My mother forgives and forgets easily...I can't believe how she has forgiven some of her own family/friends when all they have done is talk behind her back. But my mum will confront them being the gutsy woman that she is :), but she forgives them easily and you'll see her serving them food, laughing and yakking the next minute LOL! Though I can't forget so easily, I have learnt to forgive people, watching my mum. Now tell me your's. People love your mums, mothers-in-law, aunts, sisters, grandmums, teachers, friends, colleagues etc etc. You've gotta love to be loved back. The connection between mother and child is endless and knows no limits. For those who are missing their mums today, HUGZ! My sis and I are taking my mum out on Sunday for lunch...and I'm also planning to get her a necklace or earrings as the pressie this time (OMG I have given her every present on Earth *rolling eyes*). As much as mums need to be loved, kids need to be treasured too...so dear mums, love, guide and protect your kids. Happy Mothers' Day to all mums in Blogville and right around the world, MWAH! Mamma I love u...all u mums *lotsa tears*. This song is dedicated to all mums on Earth. And don't forget to answer the question in this post. Thanks!

Current Music: Mama by Spice Girls

1-800-Dial-A-Lifeline

Warning: Images in this post may upset some viewers!

Just yesterday one of my colleagues (my manager) who I have worked with for years had a little talk with me. He said he had some bad news, so he pulled up a pew, sat next to me and told me the most shocking piece of news that sent me into a very sad mood for the whole day. He said 'Keshi I have Cancer... ... ...was diagnosed last week and I'll be away from work for some time from the end of this month... ... ...'. What do you do when someone so close to you, someone who you have worked with for years and have loved and respected as a co-worker says this to you? I was totally saddened and at a loss for words cos I almost felt like my brother/dad saying that to me. Keshi at a loss for words? Can't be right? But yeah, I was totally grief-stricken by the news, I told him this 'I'm really sorry to hear that H, and I really don't know how to react...'. Cos seriously I wasn't prepared to hear that H would ever be sick like that! H is a very smart, outgoing, positive, bold, brave, totally funny, decent and caring humanbeing. As my immediate boss, he was more of a friend to me than a boss. We worked on alot of projects together over the years and we managed them all superbly...but I give that credit to H's brilliance and his skills in managing people and work on a humane yet professional level. He is the best I tell ya! So now he's got Cancer..at a young age, and with a wife and 2 teenage kids. This is where his life becomes a major turning point. He also told me 'It's a problem, I said to myself just GET IT FIXED'...and he smiled. Now how positive is that? I admire his courage and strength! The way he is, he's handling it quite well..though inside he must be dying a thousand deaths. Later I sent him an email telling him how I really felt about it and that I'd be there for him and his family anytime they need me. He was very glad to know that and thanked me for it, and later we cracked some jokes too. I think he felt alot better after talking about it.

Point is...now what? Life can throw shit on ya, tough battles to fight, sleepless nights, unclear paths, walls of stone in your way, unbreakable barriers, raging waves of pain...no matter what it's best to tell someone...best to confide in people you trust and know who'd understand ya...if you don't have someome like that, atleast talk to yourself. It takes a load off your mind and that helps. Talk, confide, speak up, convey, scream, be heard, cry, let it all out! I see alot of pain and suffering in Blogville...I sense alot of people sob in silence, bottling it all up. Through their words, I can sense their deep misery...their lonely battles. Through those wide smiles, I can see their tears...their untold stories. Cos I've been there too and I'm riding the deadly waves too...every single day. We all have our cross to bear. So this post is to let it all out. I'm gonna allow Anonymous comments only for this post so people can spill it all out in Anonymous form if they wish to (you can use you usual Blog IDs too, if your confident enough to say it in the open). And we can help (advise) each other in Anonymous form too. I'm taking part too. And don't worry, no one will know who you are if you're in Anonymous form, not even me. Are you lonely, angry, sad, suicidal, depressed, bored, hurt? Listen to the silence....see what it's trying to say and say it loud. Confide in each other, tell us what's making you sad, share with us your story, your secret suffering, your gulity feelings, your haunting past, your fears...convey what your heart is trying to say, give a voice to your unquiet mind, confide in each other and set yourselves free. Please note that you don't HAVE to be suicidal to take part in this post. Just share with us about anything that bothers you. I may not be a shrink but I may know how you feel, and that may truly release you. So should I offer some assistance? Confidentiality and satisfaction guaranteed! Dial now, speak, be heard and be relieved!

~~In loving memory of Dan, who committed suicide few years ago in the month of May. He was 24yrs old, an IT professional, a wonderful friend and a loving son. Dan I'm sorry I didn't have a clue that you hit a deadend. You should have shared it with me and together we could have turned it all around for ya. Miss ya mate!


Note: Please feel free to email Solitaire (check link) for professional advice, and read her current post on diagnosing depression here.

Current Music: Confide In Me by Kylie Minogue