2005 more tears

As 2005 has only 11 more days of her life, I want to be thankful for what she gave me and what she didnt. She gave me, but she also took. I guess I still have reasons to smile 'cos what's meant to be will be...

A stormy yet soothing year it was...spent in the moment...never thought too far 'cos I wanted to be just thankful for the day...for the moment...for now. I got closer to God and I realised that life isn't all about having what you want...even what you need...but we have to smile and keep moving...'cos we just might as well. When this year is gone by she will never return...never will she give you another chance to re-do what's already done...to re-write history. They say life is like drawing a picture without an eraser...I say that the heart is like a mirror, once broken it never can be mended to be the way it was before - 'cos even if you super-glue the pieces back together, the scars remain forever. But was my heart unbroken to begin with?

Somethings have been missing from my life for a very long time and even forever...and tears have been a part of my life for a very long time now that I can't even remember when it was last tear-free. Folks I'm not seeking sympathy but this is the true state of my life and somethings are too personal to put up in a blog. I just take one moment at a time and guess what...it really is a great way to chase the blues away - a fantastic way to feel that 5min happiness of having an unbroken heart. And I still remember the fun times, the good tidings, the blessings, my ever-dancing spirit, the people in my life, you beautiful souls...yes I'm thankful for the beauty of life in spite of it's darkness. And this year has been a great guru to me about life's hidden meanings and it came through you too - all of you who gave me so much knowledge and made me realise how diverse and beautiful people can be in their thoughts.

So it's Christmas and the season of peace, joy, love and laughter...Santa and carols...angels and presents...parties and merry times! I've done most of my shopping, posting greeting cards, wrapping gifts and placing them under the tree, stealing my sis' Xmas cakes before Christmas just 'cos I love them lol, and few more clothes and shoe shopping to do. I have to attend few Xmas parties along with 2 bday parties this weekend, a BBQ lunch, a brief getaway with a friend who's here from NZ and we have few people coming over to our place for lunch/dinner over next week. So from this weekend I will be off till the 3rd of January next year...since I have so many people to visit during the holidays, I might not be able to log in from home as much as I do now. Therefore I might not be blogging/visiting your blogs till I return - so please bear with me. And I'm not entirely sure if my blog life is going to last long next year - I will give you my reasons in due time. I'm sure most of you will be away too. So guys have loads of Xmas fun, be merry, eat and drink and dance the worries away...'cos it's not worth spending time thinking about what you don't have...enjoy what you have - get those dancing shoes out of the closet, put em on and strutt your stuff babies ;-) Sleigh bells ring...are you listening....or should it be My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps...:):)

Also I wanna wish my dearest friend Uttara a safe and blissful trip, I will miss u loads my wishing-mermaid! Here's hoping the new year will bring me 2006 less tears. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all! Will miss you heaps when I eat Chritsmas cake and slip-slop-slurrrrp (kiss) under the mistletoe...awwww lol! Stay safe guys, buh byeee, HUGGGGGGZ and MUAHHHHHHZ from Keshi!

Soap Allergy!

Yep that's right, I suffer from soap allergy...lol...but not the kind of soap you're thinking of. More of the soaps that come on TV :) I mean how painfully unrealistic and boring can TV serials get? My mum is the super-fast version of 'The Bold and the Beautiful' (not that I like this serial but it's fun to listen to her telling me of some really amazing occurences that happen in the Forrester family and it's faster to listen to her once a month than actually watch it) . I'm not a person who can sit and watch these serials that don't move from scene-1 through the entire week! Actually 'The Bold and the Beautiful' should be named 'The Slow and the Painful' cos the episodes are excruciatingly slow and surreal. Sometimes when I'm at home and when I have nothing else to do, I sit and watch a daily episode of it with mum. The agony and the make-believe experience they put the poor viewers through is shocking!

One day there was a scene of a guy hanging on to a cliff (after a car accident) and was in grave danger. But then this man will still be hanging in tomorrow's episode as well and will be talking to his girlfriend (who's standing on top of the cliff and is safe btw) about how their love is precious and how they should get back together and live happily ever after. But don't anyone think that he should be saved first? lol! Na he won't be saved for an entire week 'cos the episodes need to be real slow to keep the viewers anticipating in agony...that's torture but some people love it.

Another feature of mega TV soaps is that the mother was once married to her husband's father, that father is now about to get married to that mother's niece, that niece once went out with the mother's ex-boyfriend, and the mother is now about to marry her ex-husband's ex-wife's husband (phewww!) and their daughter is unknowingly going out with her step-brother - obviously (Keshi rolls her eyes...)! Mother will later try to hit on the daughter's boyfriend...or else it wont be a mega-hit soap. If you draw a family-tree for them, it will have branches connecting to each other like no tomorrow!

Real magic too happens in TV soaps...a dead person can come back to life in few episodes' time. How? Well it's easy. The dead person's coffin was stolen on the way to burial and replaced with a rubber mannequin (where were the relatives when this happened?), then some super-doctor knew how to get life back into that body (cos duhh she was apparently only in a coma!), now she comes back alive and goes home to give deadly shocks to her relatives and also to find her husband re-married within few weeks...and that too to her lifetime rival - not a surprise folks. In that few weeks' episodes, the kids have grown from 3yr olds to 18yr olds but the parents still look ever so young and glowing. The dead-and-came-back-to-life mother and father now decide to separate, but a meanie from the past arrives saying she has a love-child with this father! Now there's a burning love-triangle, no wait...it's not a triangle, it's a rectangle 'cos 3 women and 1 man na. Which ghost from the past is coming out of the closet next and what will happen to their love? Now now be patient, wait till you watch the next episode...urgggh rather in the next year!

Folks I really can't watch soaps...they drive me nuts 'cos of how slow, unrealistic and stupid they can get. However when my mum tells me what has happened with Brooke, Eric, Taylor, Ridge etc, it's hilarious 'cos I just cant stop laughing at the supernatural happenings in these families...atleast they give me alot of laughter, ROFL! They should rather be categorised as Comedy. Do you watch serials and if so are you going to start hating me from now on, awww?

An ode to the Daffodils....

ANNOUNCEMENT:
m000nie (Musings) wants everyone to check her blog in the next day or so, as she is going to put up a post for all of you.

Thanks everyone for all your support and most of all for the Love you showered in the last post. You guys are amazing and with people like you, I'd believe anything is possible...peace and unity always starts within a small group and then it can spread worldwide...you all demonstrated that possibility so strongly and I'm oh so happy today. Our feelings get hurt but it's always good when things are spoken out, understood, faults accepted, apologised and forgiven - then everyone is happy. Here's a dedication to each and everyone who supported me to bring m000nie back...it shows how anything is possible with Love. This is one of my favorite poems from school days...and it's especially for you!


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company
I gazed and gazed but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought.

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude..
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"
-William Wordsworth


The Bliss and the Love of you beautiful Daffodils will never fail...THANK YOU! Happy dancing-daffodils weekend all :)

About a girl...

and she is no ordinary girl...

Guys I'm writing this in response to few things that happened recently in blogville. No it's not about the meeting the 000nies had last week - I wasn't told about it either, but that's ok 'cos I understand it happened in a rush. Though I was disappointed at first, I later understood that people didnt have enough time to tell everyone...so it's really ok.

In the past, I have been nullified (with the press of a key) from blogs and lives, by some of my very own so-called blog mates - but that's ok. 'Cos to remain a friend and to be faithful is a hard job to do. It should come naturally and if it doesn't, then it all falls apart. What's built rapidly over lies and fake affection somehow crashes down at the same speed. And really, it's good to be clean and free of fake friendships than maintain them for humanity's sakes or just because you need a huge bunch of friends. These people are no longer my friends...so that's ok. But I must say that all of you who visit me here right now are a bunch of great people and I really value each and everyone of you...so thanks for being there for me, always.

Now leave my sob stories aside. Why I'm writing this is to convey to one such angel, how she influenced my life in very positive ways. It's m000nie (Musings) - she has never let me down in any way, even amidst abuse to her blog and other problems because of my friendship with her. She never lost her patience with me. She never blamed me for something that wasn't my fault. She always understood me and she was very fair. She never forgot me...she never left me out...she always remembered all of us in this close-knit blog family. And since she recently decided never to blog again, I am feeling really sad. 'Cos I don't want her to go away just like that - 'cos there are alot of people who still value her as a person and depend on her great wisdom. m000nie has been one ocean of wisdom and love - she took no sides and is resilient in every way. She never gives up on her friends...she' s a shoulder to cry on and she has been by my side on all of the times friends betrayed me here. She is gentle and one of the very few beautiful souls I have ever met! She has never hurt anyone's feelings...she's a very special soul and I mean it. I learnt alot from her and I really love her as a friend.

So m000nie, I want you to read this and know exactly how I'm feeling...I MISS YOU, so PLEASE STAY GIRL. Remember your favorite flower Iris stands for FAITH and WISDOM...all that you really are...so don't lose your faith in any of us and don't deprive us of the beautiful Iris that you are. Whatever happened, happened for the best...take your time if you must, but don't forget us please...we need someone as real as you are in this very fake world...to keep us believing that truth exists no matter what. I hope you read this m000nie and that you will shower us again with your amazing grace...


Don't go far off, not even for a day, because...
because, I don't know how to say it - a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach...
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance,
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest...
because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

--Pablo Neruda

In your arms...

His slow, velvet touches take me to a world of unknown pleasures. His soft but deep voice whispers sweet music to my ears. His gentle cuddles bring out the woman in me in ways that can never be said enough. His craving eyes spark a deep fire in my soul. His gentle kisses awaken my sleeping beauty. His manly fingers do my skin divine justice. His head lays heavy on my shoulder and soothes my deepest senses. His moist lips caress my inner soul. His warm breath makes me wail in pleasure. His strong hands that wont let me stray. His sweet smell that meets with mine. His tight embrace that's the closest to heaven. His yearning look that's the face of desire. His beautiful words that give meaning to my existence. His love that validates my presence. His soul that recognises mine. His needs that are found in my heart. His heart where my needs are found. His desire to be with me that recognises mine. His slender body against mine. His soul intertwined with mine. His moments with me that last for eternity. His meaning that is my meaning. His warmth that warms up my nights. His silken caresses that quench my thirst. His magical charm that completes me. These are my moments with my man...

ok so how many of you thought Keshi was losing it? lol! Point of this post is to give a voice to Desire and Passionate moments spent with someone you love. Why don't you too write something along these lines...perhaps 1-5 lines of what Special Moments with your man/woman is/would be like to you...I can see my blogmates sizzling up yeyyyy, cant wait to read ;-)

Use by 12/12/05

Push my buttons and get what you want. I feel like a frikkin vending machine sometimes. Haven't you ever felt that way? When someone you trust take you for a ride? I have been lied to, that's ok I could take it. Atleast I thought I can, but lately I cant stand lies and hypocrisy, it doesn't sell anymore mate. How can you look in the eye of a loved-one and bull sh#t? Some people flaunt their insensitivity in great style. It's ok that you are born insensitive but there are others who are born sensitive, get it? Cold cold hearts and ruthless minds can dwell quite happily in another's misery. Your eyes seem dead and the words sound numb but they stir the last bit of emotion in me to the very core. For you it's just the usual thing, for me it's just a brutal war with my ever-growing emotions. These petals didn't open up for no reason - now they are all so strewn with tears. Thinking these thoughts can never be stopped now - if only you didnt act this callous in the first place.

I don't know if some people like to make a mockery out of others but they do it somehow. I'm not the kind who pay attention to such people, but when it's someone you love and care for it's really hard to tell them off. It's like they don't want to feel weak in front of you so they act heartless and cold. How can you continue to love someone like that? Somehow you end up still wanting the same person! But why? Don't ask me that question, it's like an addicition - the more he/she hurts you, the more you want him/her. The more he/she disregards you, the more you pay heed to him/her. The more he/she pushes you away, the more you try to pull him/her towards you. What is it? I don't get that but alot of people fall into that same trap. It's not that you don't realise that he/she is being insensitive but it's like you are tied to that person by that very insensitivity! Strange but true. I have many sensible friends who have this problem - no matter what, you want that same heartless freak!

Feelings are precious...more precious than Gold. Don't disregard your feelings for a feeling-less person. Don't let them tell you you are a child and too much of a thinker. If you feel that something is not right, then that's what it is, nothing else. Don't let him/her make you forget who you are. Being sensitive is quite good for the soul if not for him/her but don't let that make them misuse you. I'm a sensitive person and my feelings have been used and abused...but I'd never let anyone kill my soul. So you had your share of scorn but look who has failed...it's you. I have always known who I am and I don't wear a mask like you. Where are you going to hide when the makeup fades....where are you going to run away to when someone sees the real you...when you can't even find yourself? That's when the pain will hit you all over your face...the feeling of nothingness...no identity...lost personality. The feeling of feelings misused...the pain that you inflicted upon me. It will get you some day, if not now. Use-by-date for this product has arrived - sorry, go get another one.

Don't insensitive people shock you?

Ebony and Ivory

Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard
Oh Lord, why don't we ?
We all know that people are the same wherever you go
There's good and bad in everyone
We learn to live, we learn to give each other
What we need to survive
Together alive... ... ...

-Sir Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder


Point of this post is not about racism as you may have thought...it's about the Ebony and Ivory in you. Have you pointed a finger at anyone else? When you do, have you noticed that 3 other fingers are pointing towards yourself? Need I say more :) What I want to highlight in this post is that we all make mistakes...all of us are good and all of us are bad... no one is error-free and no one is perfect. Human error is the biggest trait about us that keeps us perfectly human :) The imperfect perfection of being human. The reality of you and me is that we are both good and bad. But that should not make us sit and sulk about it or point fingers at others. What it should do is make us seek for better human qualities such as Acceptance (of your Ebony), Sharing (of your Ivory), Forgiveness (for their Ebony) and Gratitude (for their Ivory).

So you have some Ebony in you and as well as some Ivory. But how many of us are ready to accept our weaknesses? No one! But all of us would love to speak of our strengths. Nothing wrong with that but we must accept that we have weaknesses too. Self-righteousness is the result of a terrible ego. What we must have is a healthy ego - one that preserves our self-respect but one that does not humiliate others - atleast that's what I think. But if that ego over-flows, self-righteousness sprouts. I'm-always-right-you-are-always-wrong kind of attitude. It will bring so much pain to you later in life...'cos people who care for you will be afraid of you...run away from you 'cos to be around you would be like to be around a bossy teacher who always points fingers at his/her students. Instead, try and be like a student among other students...know your Ebony and accept them...learn to apologise for your weaknesses instead of covering them. Also know your Ivory...flaunt them (yes :) and teach others to be better. And then know the Ebony of others too...tell them when they are wrong instead of approving them in fear of rejection and forgive them when they accept their faults. Get to know their Ivory as well...learn from them instead of being jealous and thank them for sharing.

Self-development begins when you recognise that you too can be wrong sometimes and that others too can be right many a times.

Now who's game enough to speak of their worst Ebony...and best Ivory? You are most welcome to point out my worst Ebony and best Ivory too. Oh ok, let me start then...

My worst Ebony - Impatience

My best Ivory - Kindness

What are you waiting for now guys? Let the Acceptance, Sharing, Forgiveness and Gratitude begin!

Nature in you..

Ok after a heavy topic, let's relax a bit. As Gangadhar suggested I think I must give some people a break...or else mass murder will occur in my blog too, out of pure hatred and vengeance...lol!

This post is a simple one...just take part if you wish to :)

1.If you were a flower what flower would you be and why?
2.If you were a fruit what fruit would you be and why?

3.If you were an animal what animal would you be and why?
4.If you were a season, what season would you be and why?
5.Pick any blogmate(s) and tell me what flower/fruit/animal/season they would be and why?

We are human but all of us carry some traits very closely related to nature, be it flowers, fruits, animals or seasons. So dive in and see the 'nature' in you :) My answers for myself and for you, will be given at the end of all your answers (as usual).
Have a good day folks!

In search of Compassion

Guys I know I have spoken about Death Penalty last week, but this is to inform that Tuong Van Nguyen was executed this morning at a Changi prison 6am Singapore time (9am Aus time). I couldn't help but write this post for the injustice against humanity that was carried out this morning (leaving aside the fact that he was a criminal).

I don't know Van at all, but I have Compassion for him...and I know what Love is...it's not about I, ME and MYSELF...it's about YOU too. It's about learning to forgive others and allowing people to change. It's about having faith and trust in a young person to change...to do something good some day...to give him a chance. It's not about Revenge! Van's lawyer said that Van had immensely changed in his prison time, became a devoted Catholic and was prepared to die without blaming anyone for his fate. He had a troubled story behind him too (the 2 boys above are Van and his twin brother in childhood)...just like all of us have a story to tell, but now who was willing to listen to his story? No one. He carried drugs once in his life, so let's all get together and kil him?? Van's execution showed how little mankind has changed from the olden days where people were beheaded and the punishment didn't even fit the crimes. Man is still very evil and when I read some comments in the newspapers that supported his execution, I was shocked at how heartless some people can be. But at the same time churches around Australia and hundreds of people were keeping candlelight vigils for Van in the past few days leading upto his final minute on this Earth - that showed that alot of people have real Compassion in them too. I was at peace knowing that.

I know Van did something wrong and he had to go by the Singaporean law, but don't we ever make mistakes in our lives? And killing Van wont give him time to repent, neither will it stop the drug business. The man who doesn't choose drugs will never do drugs...the man who chooses drugs, will always do drugs, irrespective of Van's death. And the drug addicts, please don't blame it on Van...if you chose to take drugs, then it's your fault too. Where there is Demand there will be supply. While I don't condone Van's crime of carrying drugs, I don't condone the brutal execution either. And for those who say that he was about to ruin millions of other lives with drugs, please think twice...like I said before without demand there won't be supply. And those who take drugs are doing a crime too...what about their mistakes - do they get death penalty too? One way or the other, it's very easy to blame others but yourself. In a so-called civilised world today, where is Compassion or are we all just putting on an act of Love and Compassion while inside we are really evil? Ask yourselves that question. Where is dignity for human life? And to hang a man is a disgustingly cold-blooded thing to do!

I walked into my office this morning feeling horrible and helpless 'cos someone was being hanged while I went about doing my normal thing...that the world watched on and that there was absoultely nothing that could be done to help Van! Shame on you people who killed him...look into your hearts and search for Compassion...it's a huge mistake you made, much more worse than what Van made. 'Cos what you did will come back to haunt you. You all lack Compassion...find it before you lose yourself in anger, revenge and sheer evil. I couldn't sleep last night...it was disgusting and heartbreaking to see that Van still went to the gallows and no one in this big wide so-called beautiful world could stop it. Capital Punshiment should be eradicated in Memory of people like Van. Please don't think I'm making a martyr out of a criminal - this is about Human Life irrespective of what kind of mistakes he made. We can't allow calculated MURDER to take place whether by law or not. That's not quality justice..it's just economical and barbaric!

I know that I will fight against death penalty no matter what...I have already been in touch with Amnesty even before Van's death and many more barbaric deaths, and I want to see that the world has nothing called Death Penalty in future, even if that takes many years to achieve. If you are with me on this, please help mankind know what true Compassion is before it disappears from the face of this Earth amidst violence and revenge. It won't do anything for mankind, but death and destruction. Is this the way we want to guide our children's conscience? How sad. Please get in touch with Amnesty and help to eradicate barbaric practices from this world.

Atleast now Van has been set free of evil men who thought his life was nothing and less valuable than their's. He will be forgiven and loved again. May he find that Compassion in God's loving arms...

The Healing Peek

In this post I will ask you all some simple questions. By asking that, I hope to make you realise what Deliverance really means to you so far. And if you think you are right on track, then that's great...but if you have doubts about the avenues you have taken so far, then it's time for you to change your Salvation guide...or if you don't have one, time to acquire one :)

The questions:

I know that we are all quite young and yet to accomplish many things in life, but leaving all that aside, just imagine this situation.

If you were told (perhaps by some superior influence) that tomorrow is your last day on Earth,

1. What accomplishments in your life would you be proud of?
2. What would you be regretful of?
3. Do you think you were on the correct path for Salvation and if so what is that path that you followed so far?
4. How would you spend your last day on Earth?
5. Would you be content when you take your last breath and why?

I will give you my answers (which may be totally the opposite of what you think, but everyone's different so it's ok) at the end of all Comments. This is an exercise for myself too to see where I am in life and what I have done so far. Please be honest with your answers 'cos this is not a competition to see who answers the best...it's rather a workshop experience for all to learn more about yourselves, your struggles and what Salvation must really mean to you, irrespective of whether you believe in a God or not. So I trust that all of you will be honest than be right:) thanks! So yeah, stop the race, take a quick peek outside the window...let me know what you see. This could be the most healing peek you could ever take.

Butterfly Beauty

I've been thinking how much one's soul is like a butterfly...it has the wings and it's free to fly, only if it's given the chance. The butterlfy flies freely with no aimed direction, but it flies anyway. It just wanders away so gracefully...sometimes it gets chased by people who try to catch it, sometimes it rests on a leaf in heavy storms and rains, sometimes it's wings break and it falls down...just like the soul. Sometimes we get distracted by many obstacles in life such as sickness, loss of a loved-one, bad times...sometimes others try to make our life more difficult and stop us from going ahead...some friends let you down and you feel hopeless about tomorrow...but who's life is free of pain? Life doesn't always give you the answers. Your soul is the butterfly you are holding from flying free - holding from healing and growth. Give it a chance...set it free...give yourself a chance to reach the inner beauty and capabilities that you may posess. Don't always live in comparison and in doubt. That you may not have what the other has, is not always a sad thing...it could be a blessing in disguise and what you have received is what you ought to receive...and you should live life the way you were supposed to and not in another man's path - then you may find the real you and be content with it. So step into your path, allow yourself to be free, take chances and wander off freely...find your true self. For butterflies are meant to fly and soar in high spirits, so is your soul. So let your soul do the flying that's needed to find the real you...

Weddings, oh so gay!

Alright we all know that weddings are gay - happy :) But that's not exactly what I mean here. Last week, there was a wedding held in Sydney...but there was no bride with a long white dress, 'cos it was between two prominent men. It was aired on TV and radio for the first time and alot of publicity was given to it, amidst rejection and protesting from some anti-gay groups and many viewers. Those who oppposed to this wedding believed that marriage should only be between a man and a woman as per tradition, and that that's how children are supposed to come into this world. They also stated that marriage should not be marketed as a same sex union and that this should not be exposed to younger generation in a way that the tradition is affected. The gay and lesbian rights' supporters stated that Marriage should be allowed for any 2 people who love and care for each other irrespective of their sex. What they said was that after all, marriage means loving and caring for one another and it should not matter whether it's between 2 men, 2 women or a man and a woman. They also stated that children are and can be well-brought up by gay and lesbians and it's not an issue to even consider.

While all this was being argued on TV, I was wondering how I used to think about homosexuality before - I'll be honoest, I used to think it's wrong and against human nature - but not anymore. Because I'm more matured now and I have learnt to accept people for who they are, not for how they choose to love and live. While I'm as straight as Chinese hair lol, I respect another's sexual preference be it gay or bi or whatever. It's purely personal and I have no right to judge anyone on that. Honestly if 2 people love and care for each other unconditionally, then that's what a true union is all about, whether they have a wedding or not. Besides, some people don't even find true love in their whole life, so if they do find Love even in an unconventional way, why not just let them be? It's their life, not your's so you don't have a say in it. I know that certain religions don't approve of gay marriages, but it's almost like being vegetarian or not - it's really your choice, isn't it. About children being raised by same-sex parents, I have no idea what it would be to grow up like that so I don't think I can speak for someone else. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad or maybe it's even better than having a woman and a man shouting at each other all their life while the children suffer. What matter for children's wellbeing are rational parents not just a mother and a father. And there are many single parents who raise children alone, so why not have 2 dads or 2 mums :) What really matters is whether true Love exists...whether the trust and faith in each other exist...whether together they can raise good kids. It should not bother me how the other person chooses to live as long as it does not harm me or anyone else. What do you think about gay marriages? I also ask you another question - What would you say/do if your loved-one (be it brother, sister, daughter, son, best-friend or anyone at all) came upto you and told you they were homosexual? Be honest with your answers please, thanks :)

Just one

There is only

one religion...the religion of Love
one race...the Human race
one language...the language of the Heart
one wealth...the wealth of Generosity
one color...the color of Conscience
one hatred...the hatred of Self
one food...the food of Bliss
one blood...the blood of Equality
one opportunity...the opportunity of Now
one revenge...the revenge of Compassion
one breath...the breath of Truth
one health...the health of the Mind
one cure...the cure of Humor
one strength...the strength of Character
one beauty...the beauty of the Soul

one family...the family of the World
one secret...the secret of Simplicity
one battle...the battle of Survival
one peace...the peace of Wisdom
one God...the God in You
one certainity...the certainity of Death
one way...the way of Life.


These thoughts came to my head when I heard the news of a Mother Mary statue in Sacramento crying blood tears. No one can confirm the authenticity of it all but then who are we to say it's a scam too? Whether it's true or not I believe our Creator is grieving of what the human being has become today - simply animalistic. Why can't we all live life loving and caring for one another...it's easy isn't it...but why is it so difficult for some people that they make so many others hurt every day? Whether this news item was true or not, I'm sure our Creator is crying blood tears. So live life to the fullest guys and that means being happy with what you've got no matter how scarce it may be...we are all born in different places but we all have just one...one of everything I mentioned up there...think about it.

Have a good weekend folks - Live it!

Stop stalking me!

Some people just buzz behind you like an annoying bee...hehe...no matter what you say or do, they still stalk you to eternity. Whether you move houses or change countries they will be right under or over your nose...lol! Do you have anyone like this in your life? Well I have :) You just can't seem to take a break from them 'cos they are omnipresent. I don't mean in a nasty way but I do need a break even from my loved-ones sometimes...we all do right? Well some people don't know how to keep that personal space...I mean not be so nosy or curious about what is going on in my life, what clothes I am wearing now, which shampoo I am currently using to even why can't I make it to that lunch! If I can't, I just can't right? Get it?? Obviously not - duh I should have given up on you when ABBA was around (Keshi rolls her eyes...). But some people do it because they love and care for you too much...but even then, don't you think they should respect personal space and decisions? We all need to be alone sometimes and we all need personal space 'cos as much as we are made to be with one another, we are also selfish beings..hehehe I mean in a healthy way. We need the freedom to be left alone every now and then. I have a friend who I think is composing an encyclopedia on me...cos even if I was having a shower and couldnt answer the phone, his next question would be 'how come you didnt make an effort to answer that call?' Ok so I was supposed to run in my hallway like a drenched maniac, trip over the carpet and fall flat on my face yet answer his call with a beautiful smile? And if I can't make it to a party/trip, he would ask 'why can't you come, I mean why can't you...what made you not be there?'...wtf am I supposed to give a mechanical engineering 1011 analysis on my decison to him! I had another friend (yes, 'had' cos I dumped her lol) who always wanted me to understand her no matter how dumb her deeds were and she used to force me to be anywhere on Earth that she will be in the next 24hrs...even if that meant I had to starve my brains out at the Krispy Kreme outlet until she arrived about an hour later. Worse, she wouldnt take' No' for an answer and if I can't make it, she will b###h about it for the next 91 days...duhh good bye Tamara, I need a permanent vacation from you.

It happens even with strangers in your day to day life. Another personal space crisis took place at the Chemists'. A lady walked up to me and asked 'how may I help you maam?' and she asked that by nearly kissing me..lol...her face was far too close to my face and I was wondering if she just came out of the Mardi Gras parade. I took a step back and said 'no thanks, I'm just looking around...' and ofcourse I walked out. Have you noticed when you go into clothing shops, how some shop assistants stand next to the fitting rooms asking too many unwanted questions...it's too annoying that you just want to leave without even trying the clothes on. I went to a bra-shop and this lady was nearly inside my fitting room asking this and that, like how does it fit you, do you want me to help you...eeeeks...I was so disgusted and ofcourse I left - their loss :)

My point is even though you mean the best for the people you care about or even your customers or whoever it is you're dealing with, please know that personal space and freedom of choice is very important for an indivdual. Don't poke your nose into every business of the person you are dealing with. And don't force people to be what you want them to be or do as you command and please stop irritating them with infinite questions and nose rubbing. Everyone is different and everyone needs their space both physically and mentally. So next time respect that and oh, when you speak to someone, please leave about a meter off the other person's face...'cos it kind of makes people go squint and dizzy.

So do you know of any people who instantly climbed up on your head and made it their permanent address?

Capital thoughts

What do you think is the most serious crime that anyone can ever commit? Murder? Drug dealing? Heinous assault? Terrorism? I know these crimes are serious but does any of that deserve death? If we, the so-called rational society believe that they are senseless crimes, then why do we so senselessly follow in the criminals' footsteps and commit another crime by executing capital punishment, even in this civilised era? While I don't condone or justify any of the crimes mentioned above, I find it difficult to understand how you could punish a person by killing him. He wouldn't be there to know that he's dead, would he? Only that he would suffer in his last few days before death and that's about it! And others might not attempt such a crime in fear of death penalty, but does that really reduce crime and worse teach the perpetrator anything at all?

While I know that if one of my loved-ones got murdered, I'd want the murderer to be punished but I wouldn't like to see him dead and gone so quickly. 'Cos that's not closure to me. I would like to see him suffer every second of the rest of his life locked up in a dirty prison (no TV, music nothing) with just loads of hard work to do, and with just bread and water as food. Maybe in a special prison in Nicobar Islands, not in the US or Aus etc. 'Cos that's what I believe real punishment is, not death. They need to breathe their punishments, feel the seriousness of the crimes they committed, repent it, not just die in seconds. And for those who say they don't want their taxes looking after prisoners for life, please know the facts before you speak...death penalty costs millions, even just to maintain the law - read here. Besides I believe in human rights and I have been a strong opponent of death penalty ever since I heard of it when I was little. No one has the right to take another man's life, no matter what. How can the law allow this? If Death Penalty is the right punishment for serious crimes, then I would say there are plenty of real criminals (murderers or not) unfairly breathing around in this world!

A young Aussie drug dealer got caught in Singapore and will face death by hanging, on the 2nd of Dec...read here. It's not because he is Aussie that I brought this topic up - I felt for Timothy McVeigh too (even though he was the unforgivable Oklahoma bomber), and always for each and every other death-row prisoner around the world. While they deserve to be punished severely for their crimes, death in no way is going to make them realise what they did and it's the most violent act one could ever commit! It breaks that same law that the law authorities are preaching! It's ridiculous to carry on such a cruel and uncivilised punishment and I really feel for these people and their families. I'm glad Australia isn't that primitive and evil. We respect life and human rights.


To those who believe in death penalty:

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE ANOTHER'S LIFE EVEN IF IT'S A CRIMINAL'S. IF YOU SUPPORT DEATH PENALTY, YOU GOT BLOOD IN YOUR HANDS...THEN YOU TOO DESERVE THAT SAME DEATH PENALTY YOU YOURSELF RESPECT - WHY SHOULD IT BE ANY DIFFERENT TO YOU? WAKE UP ALL THOSE COUNTRIES THAT DOTE ON DEATH PENALTY! IT'S A DISGRACE TO HUMAN RACE AND THE QUALITY OF JUSTICE. NOT EACH AND EVERYONE IS BORN WITH THE SAME INTELLIGENCE AND CONSCIENCE...LET EVERYONE TAKE THEIR OWN PACE TO REPENT AND LEARN...BY KILLING THEM THEY WON'T GET A CHANCE TO EVEN BEGIN TO REPENT. SAY NO TO DEATH AND SAY YES TO LIFE...

Dancing Queen

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you...I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you...I'm gonna praise you

In the corners of mind I just can't seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free..Cause you see I have been down for so long Feel like the hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand That I should praise you through my circumstance...

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you...I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you..I'm gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonna lose my mind
But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take it anymore...

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance... ... ...

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now
Take them off What'cha gonna do, yeah

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance... ... ...

~~Shackles - Mary Mary


That is one of my fav songs..not only for the beautiful meaning, but also for the catchy rhythm that always makes me wanna dance even in the middle of the road, if it takes that :) I did dance this morning in the lift listening to this song...lol...I couldn't help it. The song is a fab RnB hit and won't let you keep your feet together...but I did abruptly stop the dance when the lift doors opened lol! So yeah break those shackles that's made your feet immobile...those pressures...those worries..those trials and tests...just put them in the back seat and dance...dance your cares away...'cos carrying them all in your head and walking around looking lost is not the way to live life...we are all bound by some kind of chains...all of us have a story to tell...all of us have a cross to bear...no one is alone...that is life after all. He gave you the shackles as well as the keys to it...so...take the shackles off your feet so you can dance...you just have to praise HIM...you just have to praise HIM...ah ah...lol!

Today is Dancing day guys...when Im under pressure, I turn my music on and dance like a maniac and boy I feel good after that ;-) I love HipHop (I go for HipHop and Funk classes), I wouldn't even mind dicso 'cos it's kind of catchy ;-) and any other dance except very slow dances. Alot of hip and fun is my kind of dancing. Btw most of you know I love Pole-Dancing too...lol...I cant go past a pole without being tempted to do a dance around it for fun..hehe..when walking with me, my friends get so worried when they see pole in the far distance...they know what's coming lol! And that notice above must be for Keshi-kinds :) And hey, here's a pic of me trying to do that pole dance..hmmm ok...now don't I look a professsional?

Now put that worry aside today, and tell me your Dance hits and those sizzling moves you make...do you dance at all and what kind of dancing you like..and don't forget to shake your shong shongs today babehs...Yeah life is a b###h so what, we can still dance!

Of Givers and Takers

I always thought that there are 3 kinds of people...those who give and take, those who only give and those who only take.

If you are someone who gives and takes (I don't mean giving a punch to your friend and taking his iPod :), then you're a winner. 'Cos you got to give in order to receive, simple as that. By that I don't mean that you threaten or force people to be there for you in return for your favors (like this cute kitten is doing lol!). It simply means maintaning a healthy balance in offering and receiving true friendship. I don't mean to portary myself as a saint but I do give alot and I take too...but not alot. Simply because I don't expect too much from friends...except for one thing...a good heart. And I have received that from few precious people in this life. So yeah, in that sense I'm a smiling winner cos...I give...and I take...I mean receive :)

If you are in the second category, beware people will walk all over you till your heart is super flat and abused like the rug I threw away yesterday. It's a very beautiful feeling to give...especially to those in need, be it emotionally or not...but hey not in a way that it ridicules yourself...your sense of worth and pride. Think about it this way...if you are always there for your friend in both good and bad times, and if suddenly a rough times hits you, and you find that your friend is nowhere close to your suburb, what would you feel? So very let down, hurt and stupid. And you realise that all the while, you have been a giver and not really received anything in return. Actually the worst part isn't not receiving anything, but not having that friend around to atleast listen to your troubles. So don't let that happen to you. Have some pride left in you so that people don't treat you like a door-mat. Best way to know your limit is by giving everyone a first or even a second chance if they are worth it...then you can decide.

What if you are in the third category...oh my God, you are just a taker! Remember that friend who left town when you were in trouble? Well you are no different than him/her now :) I have never played strictly-taker, but I have come across pure takers. And now I'm so sure that I don't have anything to give them unless they have something to give me (no Im not expecting, just being fair to myself). So if someone stood by you in both good and bad times, you better not be calling the removalists when that friend is in trouble. Stick around for your friend...if you cant do that, well then cancel your membership from the strictly-hogs club.

Guys you got to give a little...take a little...happy weekend all!

A roadside grave...

All these years wasted...all those memories haunting me...how you talked, how you laughed, how you made funny faces...your deep voice...the way you touched my shoulder, the way you waited for me...when you would take my darkest day and make it the brightest ever...when birthdays were not lonely...how my life seemed full...how everything felt so right and worth the struggle for...when I didn't have to look in all the wrong places for a little bit of happiness...how you maintained my peace of mind...the times we laughed till we cried...those war and 007 movies you wanted me to watch with you...the beautiful lessons in life you taught me...that day when you told me about how helping others would bring the greatest joy...the beautiful dresses you gave me...times when we would all go on long drives in your car...how you taught me to take care of pets...the way your face lit up when I gave you a hug...when nothing seemed to matter...when everything was just fine...that Saturday morning when you didnt wake up...when the clear blue sky fell upon me and turned my happy world to the hell I've known so far...the day you left me never to come back...we all face the same fate but you went way too early...maybe because you were larger than life and was meant to be here only for a short while...my life has never been the same without you...there's a huge void even if I achieve the best of the best......the deafening silence of your absence is hard to bear...but I know Love never fails...your Love has made me trudge along...if only memories and tears can bring you back, you'd be here with me today...I havent come across anyone else who loved me the way you did...unconditionally and so brilliantly...miss you eternally Dad. To all the people passing by this, you are now no more than a grave by the roadside, but to Ma, Sis and me, it's a reminder of the all too few treasured moments we spent with you. God speed till we meet again in His garden to be together forever...no closure till then.

I'm not at my best guys....just feeling a bit depressed...and memories of my dad adds to the pain...no I didnt write this to get any sympathy...never wanted it from anyone 'cos it doesnt change a thing about how I feel...just that I wanted to talk to him and so I wrote this. And I have written about him in the past from time to time...if you want to read one of them you can go here. In real, he doesnt have a grave 'cos we put his ashes into a river.You just drove past this roadside (rather blogside) grave of my dad and there's an invisible and an ever-growing lake of tears next to it...it's mine.

Early Christmas dreams...

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done?
Another year over
And you've just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
Your near and your dear ones
Your old and your young
And so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one without any fear
And so this is Christmas
The weak and the strong
The rich and the poor ones
Have waited so long
And so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one without any fear
So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one without any fear
War is over if you want it... ... ...

~~War is over - John Lennon

Christmas is around the corner folks...one of my favorite seasons of the year. I love how Sydney lights up with chrissie deco and joy...the spirit of it all is just too magical. People looking happier, children so excited, Santas storming department stores :), Xmas goodies on the shelves, carols down the streets, trees lit-up in shop windows...yes trees wrapped in lights and tinsel shining so bright. But what is the meaning of Christmas? It should not be just celebrating the birth of Jesus..I honestly don't know why people give gifts to each other during Christams even though I myself do it :) I think what's more important is to see the bigger picture...it's not what gifts you want to give/receive, it's not what parties you want to attend and get drunk, it's not about YOU...it's about what you have done to make someone else's life a little bit brighter...it's about being a better person...it's about helping the needy...it's about loving as much as possible..it's about spreading Christ's message..."Love thy neighbour as thyself". So in the dawn of another brandnew year, think about how you can be better in your thoughts, words and deeds...how you can make a difference by actually doing something to spread that Love around...be it through your friends, family or strangers.

I have a Christmas dream...in the past I had this belief that people I know will love me back no matter what...'cos I'm just a child of God with nothing but Love to give...and I thought they would think the same way...but my hopes were shattered...there are so many people who don't know how to Love...only because they don't Love themselves enough to care for another. No wonder this world still suffers from war, poverty and racism, all because of Self-Righteousness and the Ego. I know that we can't go out there and change the world overnight, but you can do something to make someone feel a tad bit of that Love. So my Christmas dream is that you find that same Love...if someone you care for don't give back the Love you think you deserve, try and give your Love elsewhere...never be discouraged by one person...there is always someone else out there who will need and recognise your Love. And don't ever change the Love in you, even towards the ones who don't know how to Love you back. Be that lit-up Christmas tree among the not so bright ones. Life is too short and it's no point burning in anger and hatred. The root behind the sad pictures above is just one simple emotion ruling the mind - hatred. So this Christmas make it a point to feel Love and give out Love. For Love is all we need. That is my Christmas Dream. Don't forget to tell me your Christmas dreams this year...and have a Love-ly season folks!

Virgin Blue..s...

No I am not talking about Richard Branson or the Virgin Blue Airlines - just a little bit closer to flying high though ;-) How many of you believe that staying a virgin (girl/boy, though I know it supposedly matters more to a girl) up until marriage is important? Coming from a rather conservative family upbringing, I have always been taught to believe that sex before marriage is almost equivalent to death lol! My mum would sit and talk about how good girls should be and how important it is for us to be chaste until we get married some day. In Sri Lanka, the highest caste people carry on a ritual for checking the virginity, straight after the wedding. I know this sounds ridiculous but it still happens in some families. What about the guy's virginity then - I think that is seriously lop-sided and sexist - but that's altogether a different topic. Anyways now that I live in Aus, I see girls younger than me doing it all, way before marriage and these days it's no big deal worldwide. While this depends alot on one's culture and values, there must be that sensible truth somewhere out there...whether virginity really matters or not.

I believe there is a Creator for all human beings. So if He created us with desires as in-built functionalities (my techie side diving in there :), then how does a society-induced union such as marriage have such a hold on it? Are some cultures forcing young people to suppress their desires and basic needs just to protect their cultural values? On the other hand, would it be animalistic to not care about virtues such as virginity and give into one's desires? Does one desire-driven physical activity destroy one's virtue or is it all in who you really are as a person? If you trust and love your partner, is it moral to make love to that person, even if you two are not married? Tell me about your culture...how it regulates virginity...and what you think about it.

Guilty minds never rest...

G'day Keshi-Impersonator alias Richard Cranium,

You hate me for the truth I speak and you're really bothered by my existence which confirms your fakeness, aren't you? You had to copy my entire profile because your real self is pretty scary to admit. Well that’s fine go ahead, make me feel more special everyday by trying hard to look like me, sound like me, win my friends’ hearts etc. You are giving me celebrity status dude. But when are you going to see your real self in the mirror and take away that mask when you go out in public? Or is that a frightening thought? I bet it is ‘cos you don’t have an identity that you can call your’s and that you could be proud of. You are a coward who can’t show your face ‘cos fear is all that's written all over your face, fear of being identified as a loser with no life whatsoever. Fear of others finding out how disgraceful you are, how low, guilty and evil you really are. Your heart is the ugliest and the most restless I have ever come across in life (one day when you're old and grey and stricken with sickness, you will realise this, if not now) - your heart seems to get filled with venom at the tick of each second on the clock. You wake up every morning thinking what you can do to put down someone today - what kind of joy do you get from this? How stressful and dark your life must be working out abuse lines and empty plans for people on the net, on a daily basis? How sad a person you are! Can you honestly eat, walk around, live and breathe this way? I find it shocking that people like you really exist in this world – can someone please tell me this guy is a mental patient, 'cos then it will be easier to understand his emotional drama. Every single day you burn and die in your own vengeance now you must look half alive and ugly as hell.

I might have kicked your sorry ass one fine day and if it still hurts so bad, don’t just confirm it with every abuse comment you leave for me. It's only telling the world that you are really what I kicked you for. Go and see a butt-doctor instead and on the way back, drop by a psychiatrist too. Honestly, nothing you do bothers me. The only thing that worries me is YOU as a person among other human beings. Your mind is close to an animal's, but even animals have peaceful days but you don't seem to enjoy life at all. You badly need a reality check and alot of love that you may not be getting in your real life. Anyways how can anyone love someone like you, someone with only pure hatred in your heart even if that brings you cheap and temporary fun? You get what you give, remember that. Maybe you should start healing yourself by loving yourself...'cos you deserve your love...and it's the lack of love and self-respect that's driving you to live in a disgusting manner like this, inside a deep dark pit forever. It's never too late, so purify yourself by starting to love and respect yourself first, then think about others.

PS: If you don't know what Richard Cranium is (I doubt you don't)...what' s the short name for Richard? Dick. And where do you find Cranium? Head. Combine the two and you get your real identity that you couldn't figure out for so long - cos that's how you have been behaving for over a year now so it's the trademark quality of your's. Now go make your own profile using your name, not mine. You may leave another 100 abuses for me now, but that will only further prove to everyone what I have said about you. Go ahead do what you're usually guilty for - net crimes such as vengeful malice, leaving other people's site addresses in porn sites and leaving stupid comments by faking identities. Your guilty mind will never sleep and if you continue this, you will burn out way too early.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dear blog friends,

Richard Cranium envies me so much that he comments like me using a cloned profile of mine. The only way to check the authenticity of comments left under my name is to click on the Keshi link and check the blog Id. Mine will read as follows at the Address field: http://www.blogger.com/profile/4726142

(note: 4726142 is my blog id and that's the only way to find out that it's me and not Richard ).

Thanks for your co-operation. Always remember the more evil your thoughts are, the more you suffer...use Richard to learn from, he's a living example of an untrained evil mind that lead to self-destruction. A lost and tormented soul that can never rest, only because he refuses to stop and think for a change.

Happy blogging and loads of sunshine to all of you lovely people! Adios!

Pretty woman, stop a while...

Hey Guys...yeah guys ;-) you are going to love me for posting these girls up. These women are who I call truly beautiful among the celebrities. I have seen them in interviews (without make-up) and they still look gorgeous 'cos these women have great features and a divine aura around them. Forget about Miss.Universe and supermodels (cos most of them win by expert makeup and alot of duct-tape or starving lol!). I agree the following girls wear makeup too but among the celebrities, these are my favorite women - who I go by for beauty, grace and personality :) Yeah, it's raining goddesses! Boys enjoy and don't forget to tell me your raindrop preferences lol! Girls, please don't leave saying B###H! :)

However, I believe that the real beautiful women are the natural women out there and there are alot of them though they don't become celebrities in life. This one's a dedication to all my beautiful blog girls and all the other beautiful (both in and out) women in the world.





There are flowers everywhere, for those who bother to look.
- Henri Matisse