Thursday, August 4

I know where you were last night...

Have you ever cheated on your partner or have you ever been the other woman/man? Don't get me wrong, I have a valuable objective behind this post. It's not just for laughs, it's also to make you come to terms with it and move on with your life, that's if it was in the past :). But f you're engaged in it right now, you might want to re-consider what you're doing, I mean really think about it, it's consequences and take a decision that may make life better for everyone involved.
If you're not the cheater, then still don't be too quick to judge - instead of blaming and labeling others that inescapably deters them from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another person, try to understand why people cheat. Maybe it's really your actions that pushed your partner to brink of tempation! If your partner came and told you 'I cheated on you because you're boring/narrow-minded/unattractive/sexually-unsatisfying...' would you try and listen carefully rather than pointing the finger at him/her? The one being cheated always says "I'm not wrong, I'm not the one who cheated therefore I don't need to change"! Well then more cheating goes on and more heart-break continues...and the problem remains unfixed.
So let's find out why people cheat. Pyschologists say "it all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need . People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical(eg:No longer finding partner sexy or attractive ) and emotional desires(eg:Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship ).In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions. Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive! Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place , we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and attention along with trust and communication will continuously help both people grow".
So there, that's the crux of cheating. Remember if you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest. Building lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. Think carefully before seeking happiness(which may very well be temporary) with another person. Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks on the other side, eventually it will need to be looked after, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it you'll have weeds all over the place, which will be an extra stressful job for you to take care of. Something to think about the next time that pretty girl/cute guy at the office winks at you :)
C'mon tell me those sweet little lies....

63 Cranium Signets:

Arz000n said...

Me first here...
Woooo...Hoooo

Arz000n said...

How do you define cheating in da first case??
Is it sharing daily happenings, thuoghts, secrets with someone else from opp sex (under normal condns) which you are suppose to do with your partner???
IS it the sexual desire for someone else??
Or both??

I believe (maybe I might sonud typical Indian male with stupid thnking), if you are involved in a relationship, give your 100% in it. There is no pleasure outside the relationship coz when you say YOU LOVE you partner. Stick by it, dont lose the importance of the word to someone else.

Cheating is like momentary pleasure...it had no future. You are bleeding many hearts due to this pleasure.

Willowsss said...

good post... thanks.

Jon
my site: net iq

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

damn u z0000000nieeeeeeee

grrrrrrrrrrrrr

ok lemme read the post now

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

oh jeez! Im so boring I never cheated on anyone. I even stopped flirting can you believe that?(both net n real)

Also, bout what you just mentioned, how people cheat on each other for reasons like 'I cheated on you because you're boring/narrow-minded/unattractive/sexually-unsatisfying...' they should just end the relationship. Honestly, if one person can find so many flaws in another person, how the hell will the relationship last even after getting married?

Keshi said...

lolz z000nie n n000nie on a power-race.

z000nie I went through all the trouble to find what exactly Cheating means, just for ya :) Here's what I found at a r'ship advcie site:

***Cheating generally means that you are not fully satisfied with your current partner or you feel that something is missing in the relationship. If you were completely in love and happy within your relationship, then why would you jeopardize all that you have for a five-minute fling with the girl next door? When men cheat, it basically means that they are looking for something their girlfriend or wife is not providing. Often times, it comes down to sex...***

This I believe applies to women too - I know that even women cheat alot...let's not get into a gender war here plz :) But what this basically means is that men r explorers...they need change more often than women do. SO yep that's what cheating is all about...lolz yep ur a typical loving n trustworthy Indian man...which I believe is truly wonderful :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

lolz NV u didnt read that line right...it stated:

**'I cheated on you because you're boring/narrow-minded/unattractive/sexually-unsatisfying...'

did u notice the '/' which stands for 'or' :)

Anyways I know what u mean...when u cheat on ur partner, it usually means u dun love ur partner enough to be serious n faithful abt the r'ship. But it can also mean something is lacking in the partner which might be easily fixed if things r talked over...

dun temme u dun cheat jeeeeez! I reckon e-cheating is also counted in as cheating...?? lollllz! Pearly shud fix a camera on IT chat site...hehehe...

k000kie.

Arz000n said...

When men cheat, it basically means that they are looking for something their girlfriend or wife is not providing. Often times, it comes down to sex...

I think agree with you here...

Keshi said...

yuppers z000nie...so I betta go start my bachelors degree in sexology to keep mah man indoors lol!

k000kie.

Janice said...

hehe keshi if ur getting ur bachelors on that subject then i better get mah masters ;)

Keshi said...

heyy jannnn (j000nie in 000nie terms) muahhhhhz! hows ya gurl? all ok with ur parents in Mumbai?

so u mean u already have the bachelors in sexology? lol good for ya! No need to Master it..sometimes a Bachelors degree takes ya far more than having a Masters as well lol! (I have both btw...not in sexology but in CompSc n Comm&Econ :))

hugggz j000nie!
k000kie

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

Yeh exactly and I don't think any of those reasons were good enough. I mean jeez why bother cheating? Theres something called a BREAK UP!!

The Gome said...

Keshi, were u ever cheated on? sounds like it. kinda 1 sided against men don't you think!? Luv Gomeypie

southpaw said...

Nice post keshi...well i haven't cheated on my partner till date...:)

Invincible said...

You are so damn quick !!!!!
i wud read it 2morrow n comment :-)

BTW, not related to this post. u understand hindi?

Keshi said...

true n000nie, even I dun u'stand why ppl still be in a r'ship that's based on lies n cheating...mebbe cos of fear of losing the partner. instead they shud talk matter n solve their probs, if not break-up.

gomess lolz u had to ask that Q na...hmmm let me think n come bak to ya :)

South that's awesome! But did u cheat one ur prev gf to gain this one? lol just kidding!

k000kie.

Keshi said...

v000nie nope mere ko Hindi nahi aati hai lolz!

yep comment whenever u can sweety.

k000kie.

Keshi said...

South I have a comment for u in mah prev post - last comment lol!

Keshi.

southpaw said...

Nopes keshi...infact i had a gap of good 3 years after the previous break up, thats why one of the gal in the gym took the opportunity to ask that hidious question which i mentioned in ur previous post...:):)

Keshi said...

aww South thats so sweet...I was only joking mate :) Oh well 3yrs of single-dom is a pretty good break for refreshed come-bak...I wish u the best with ur new-found gf.

lolz @ ur ans to the gym gal!

Keshi.

southpaw said...

Hey thanks a lot keshi, and i have replied to that last comment@gym gal...lols

Keshi said...

lolz answered u too south..check it out there!

now for Gomeypie...u asked me if I was eva cheated on? Ans is NO :) All my ex-BFs were devoted n faithful to me...thanks to my blessings :) I have nothing against men alone as I believe even women cheat drastically. I know that one my friends' GF cheated on him just becos she wasnt sure if he was the one...I thought that was lousy! Well in the end he found out n dumped her, good for him :)

Wut abt u Gomey u cheated ever or was ever the other man? temme now..:) Knowing what an animal-lover u r, u must have cheated for sure lol!

Keshi.

southpaw said...

You are right keshi, she does get way too far at times, but like i said its better to laugh it out rather than getting into any sort of further conversation, like u said beware of such gals coz after a long time there is some sort of peace in my life and i don't wanna ruin it for no good reason like her.

Keshi said...

spot on South! As long as u know this gal isnt coming on too much, it's ok to be friends with her. But I seriously dun think a woman who questions another man's GF's sexual capacity is upto any good. U may have good intentions but ur GF may not be happy with that...watch out!

k000kie-in-specs :)

southpaw said...

POINT ACCEPTED AND NOTED IN BLOCK ALPHABETS my friend.

musings (m000nie) said...

k00kieeeeee muahhhhhhh... ok i dont know whn i'll get here first.. all my other 00nies r in this race now... ufff first it was just t00nie u n me :)

n abt cheating... i would never do that... love is something so special... cheating is not for me

but i think if someones cheating its not always that persons fault... like u said there mite b problems... but id like to point out that cheating mite make u feel good but it involves a lot of unhappiness later... for example to ur family n kids n partner n friends...

so avoid if possible...

GOD said...

u dont waste yr money on ciggies or booze
dat is good


mebbe u cud switch from Pizzas back to Vada Paav and donate yr savings to Baba Amte and Anna Hazare

GOD said...

u too Pearly

strawy said...

another fantastic post keshuu... well i need some 1 to cheat on 1st ..lolzzz . All i will say is cheating is bad , just be honest tell u partner that u r bored n cant get along .It will hurt but lesser then cheating .

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

Best way to break up for someone finding it difficult, you just say....

"it's not you, it's me"

Keshi said...

ok South I'm glad :)

m0000nieeeeeeeee mooo mooo mooo muahhhh! lol it's ok ur not the first here, I still know u'd get here on time :) U r so right, love is something so special to cheat on. Good point :) That means when cheating occrus, Love is already lost...

Strawy...
***just be honest tell u partner that u r bored n cant get along .It will hurt but lesser then cheating ***
So well-said babezz! That's all one's got to say than lying n doing so much damage. Thanks!

n000nie but by saying it's not u, it's me, wudnt u be lying? If its ur partner's fault, why not really say it than get away with it?

thanks all!
k000kie-in-PJs :)

Keshi said...

oooo I see God has paid me a visit...I guess Saby in disguise lol...thanks mate!

k000kie-with-a-microscope

The Gome said...

Hi kesh, i cheated once, on my high school sweetheart when we were in college together. i fessed up a week later. She didn't dump me because she hated the girl i did it with. But everytime we had a spat she would bring it all up again. So i hadda dump her.

Vivhyd said...

very thoughful post Keshi...

Though me not the rite person to comment on this as I agree that its really a bad thing to do.. but I do agree that physical and emotional are 2 main factors behind it.. and also some other circumstances which can be possible.. but one has to look deep inside within themselves as u said than blaming the other person..

ur posts are really very nice

tulipspeaks said...

ah keshi..i was just thinking of posting something similar in my blog :P

in my opinion, if u r cheating on ur partner..u r seeking for a different kind of partner..different kind of support..then..it only means the current r/ship u r on..had failed..either u have no choice but to stick with current partner coz of other commitment like children..or u love them both..

i was arguing about extra-marital affair with a friend of mine..and i think it will be wrong if ur partner fullfilling all ur needs n doing his/her best for u but u still stray..it is may not be wrong if ur partner failed in their own responsiblity but u didnt..and i know we all r human..we have our own needs too

but...must think of the 3rd person also..what r v going to give to that person? that person whom given up many things having affair with us coz of love (although not all the time)..what r we going to give to that person back? will that person stay as the 3rd person for the rest of his/her life?
or...are v going to give them the status of 'life partner'?

looks like i am the one writing stories in people's blog now :P

Michelle said...

i feel very sad wen i read this
cuz i wuz cheated on :(
cool kookz ur spreadin d awareness i juz hope the right ppl read wat u have to say cuz u totally read my mind
rock on kookz
p000nie

jkhkhjkh said...

Icey, look, this was a long time back, OK? Why raise it again?

Keshi, something wrong here. Your post has assumed that the only relationship between two persons of the opposite sex has to monogamous. And its on the basis of this assumption, that the question of "cheating" has been extrapolated.

Monogamy is not the only lifestyle, though, if you have been born in a certain "religon", then you tend to follow the practices of that religon, since you believe in it. So, "cheating" really boils down to your "beliefs" in monogamous relationships. If you stop all beleif, I dare say, all right and wrong vanishes. the way smll children are. We spend our lives trying to undo the damages fed into us when we were young. Why not drop all beliefs RIGHT NOW! It will feel as if a polythene bag has been removed from one's head!
(Is this the real me, or am I another prick?)

Manish said...

Is having frenship with other person other than ur partner cheating? I don't think so!

Dawn....सेहर said...

Hmm a thought for the day kind :)...!

I think anything that one tries to hide...or has a guilt in while doing...means he/she is doing something wrong..!!!

That's what I call cheating..which could be with partner or with oneself..:)

good one ..I will learn a lot from you :)

Thanks,

Dewdrop said...

exactly my thought, Dawn. Like I mentioned in my comment on your previous post. If your concious bites you in your doings and there is a feeling of guilt, you know you are cheating

Invincible said...

comment # 40 :
u know y ppl booze the whole night out sometimes? cos they wanna forget something, often something devastating tht hppnd on that day. They need emotional support but it aint there, so they go n lose their senses.

If someone's far frm their luved one and sumething goes wrong n he finds some solace in someone .. who just pays a patient ear 2 him n later they .. ..

Wud u call it cheating? The luv between the 2 is still there, the faith, bla bla .. is also unebbed.

-- v000nie

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

Would you rather say something like 'I cheated on you because you're boring/narrow-minded/unattractive/sexually-unsatisfying...' and hurt their feelings or just say "its not you, it's me" and still let em feel good bout themselves.

julia said...

another prick

julia said...

KHULAM KHULA PYAR KARE
humne pyar kiya PAAP nahin
EVIL IS WHEN U DO IT IN THE DARK

if u flirt
u must allow/encourage him/her to flirt too


then its OK baby

Keshi said...

wow alot of smart conversations going on here...all of ur parents have fed u with alot of cranium-growing food when u were babies :) Very smart bunch!

Gomess lol good on ya that u dumped here cos bringing up the past during arguments is just yukkk!

Thanks Vivhyd for ur kind compliments...u too have a hip blog :)

Amu...
***it is may not be wrong if ur partner failed in their own responsiblity but u didnt...***
Exactly! U r so right there. But continueing to cheat n remain in a fake r'ship is stupid - u got to talk abt it n sort things out or break up for good.

awww p000nie huggggggggz! Sorry if this post brought bak hurtful memories for ya...guess he was not worth it anyways, for cheating someone so genuine as u r! I see u have moved on n u rock babezzz!

Pithaly good point...it's our conscience that has been moulded as we grew up, that leads to what we do when we r adults...u got a very valuable message there, thanks!

Manish...having a friend other than ur partner is NOT cheating! It depends on wut level u carry the friendship...if it's just good friends like me n n000nie :) then yeah there's nothing wrong. On the other hand if it's like me n Puneet lol ur GF will dump ya!

Dawn...n d000die (Dewdy)
***I think anything that one tries to hide...or has a guilt in while doing...means he/she is doing something wrong..!!!***
***If your concious bites you in your doings and there is a feeling of guilt, you know you are cheating***
That is Cheating fully explained! Thanks for that description I soo struggled to find :) You guys did it for me, couldn't have explained it any better!


v000nie...
***If someone's far frm their luved one and sumething goes wrong n he finds some solace in someone***
Nope I dun think that's cheating...but I should know where to draw the line (especially if u have a partner already). Boozing n having a one-night stand with someone u just met n who had a listening ear, doesnt make it right :)


n000nie I 'd rather be honest in what I say to my partner. If I cheated on my partner n he gets to know it, I will tell him EXACTLY why I did it - especially if I had a valid reason to cheat (eg:he wud have been a jerk) - but on the other hand, if he was clean n I cheated becos I was a jerkette :), then ofcourse IT IS ME, not him!

Juless wut u talkin abt? lol!

k000kie-in-jeans :)

Keshi said...

Tell u all a real Cheating story:

I had a friend (actually an ex work-colleague)...she was seeing someone at the time n was abt to get married. At the office she got too friendly with this younger guy. At frist we were all thinking that they're good friends, that's all. Later on they started holding hands, feeding each other at lunch etc. That looked really ridiculous n unethical at work on top of being engaged to be married. Anyways she got married - we were all at the wedding too, including the guy (he was cool abt it, no tears). I dunno if her husband sensed anything at all...he seemed happy. But the CEO at where I worked called them both n warned them abt their behavior! She still had a secret aafir with him, it was official!

Later on she went off to another country with her husband...the guy went off to some other country too. I reckon her husband never got to know n she had her fun too...n this other guy had his share of fun too! To be honest I thought it was plain ugly!

Keshi.

Thë Icè Þr¡ñce§§ said...

o damnit..
i soo lost.. ufff kesh.. how m i suppose to win, wen u post during daytime and m at school. no fair. n e ways. wow really thotful post here. and very ugly story u just wrote above. i can't belive she went on wid it. i wonder if her husband knew at all. u know sum do know stuff like dat. n e ways. i think wen anyone is cheating its both of thems fault.
well me her is diff. me wud never cheat. ew ew.. dats sick..
and i have other reasons too..

rock on
^_^

Invincible said...

1. keshi, everyone has sentiments, emotions. everyone can be carried away at times. One cant blame it 4 dat. And for 1 mistake one can't be jeopardized for life. Shouldnt rather.
After all we r all humans, we r susceptible and you wont feel ashamed that time, for doing so. And even later. You r an emotional human damn it.

2.
Cheating aint only sexual. Your partner may accept it if he/she really understands you and you r candid @ everything. And then u wont feel ashamed too.

Also,
r we talking @ cheating or adultery?

--- v000nie

Janice said...

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy kookie ...hehe gawd ok baba ill put up a post in one or two days ... no emotional one like the worst day but... just sum tidbits abt mah self....

wow really nice to see so many diff view points... but honestly i think most of them are just lying to themselves n others dont blame e them most of us try to put on a goody goody front when the thruth of the matter is we are human we tend to commit mistakes that what makes us human i really liked Gomey an iceys answers though i tot they kinda were more thruthful... well am not sayin others are all lyin ... there Ar sum people who r reallly faithful... but u know kesh to be very frank u see cheatin within the very 4 walls of ur house... brothers/sisters , fathers, mothes, uncles, aunts, cousins ... men tend to stray on a higher average than females... but it takes two hands to clap ... an guys who say they have never cheated while in a relationship with their GFs... well ... yeah right ... atleast i admire granpa sabby for being so upront an admittin his mistakes wht we rarely do ...i mean when i used to work i used to see it in the open in mah office... well there are certain guy who r nice.. but i mean come on take chattin for instance... u think guys ask the gals number or where they stay or snaps ...why so that they can make a collection of the number of NEW sisters they have on chat or NEW FRIENDS... give me a break man... there are certain people who connect on the intellectual level i mean i have a couple of mail buddies my self n know of people who like to just chat or harmlessly flirt ... but then majority are if ur getting it then why not Honey...they are all saints on the mains but log in diff IDs later an try to trash talk... i mean ur human man accept the bloody fact u aint a perfect saint... u commited a mistake but greatness is takin steps to rectify wht u have spoilt an see that u dont commit it again... it hurts the other party no doubt...we betrayed god n crucified his only son when his luv for us was so gr8 he sent his only son ...but does that make god hate us for wht we have done.. no way

Keshi said...

U r damn right Jann! Whoaa that was one hell of a beating on our cute lil butts lol! I agree alot of ppl dun like to confess abt cheating...it's shameful right? so why put shame on urself...hehehe...but like u say, if one can admit it, then that's the biggest win of the day :) Thanks for those very wise words Jann muah!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

yupps Icy even I will neva cheat on mah partner - but that's wut my circumstances suggest right now...I have no idea abt wut my future or wut kinda partner I will get...so yeah u never know...people change according to circumstances they face, that's wut I believe.

v000nie now who did u cheat on? lol! I'm kidding. Yep I agree ppl r made of emotions...that's why the psychologists suggest that cheating happens becos of a conflict between the physical n the emotional needs. Sometimes u just cant help it...but repetitive cheating n lying is definitely an illness that need to looked at n taken care of :)

Thanks folks!
Keshi.

Vinu said...

Cheating...

I dont know any reallife experiance on cheating right around me...so hav only knowledge about many rumours that take up rounds and from movies and stories....

Now being into many relationships...not only boyfriend-girlfriend one, i can say nobody can stand chaeting...everyone who likes to maintain a relationship urges for undivided attention...

One of my friend had once told,'the biggest gift a man can giv a woman is undivided attention towards her'..dnt u think its very true...

anyways according to me just be candid to your partner...accept them wit all their short comings...or else dont go for such relationships...

Thats it

Keshi said...

HEy Vinu so true yep just being frank is all we need to do! I believe straying when ur partner has done nothing wrong, is the real cheating. Thats when one should be guilty. o.w. I wud say accidents happen n if u can talk abt it n make sure it wont happen again, then another chance can be given...

Keshi.

GOD said...

i love dis mangy

Vinu said...

And Keshi not only being frank...i think those people who are not ready to listen to their partners and thus failing in communication also does cheating....

But the funny part is that they get failed everywhere in any relationship...So cheating is never a solution...

Be frank and ready to listen...i dont think anyone will then suffer because of cheating...neither by doing or by facing....

jkhkhjkh said...

Janice said:

"u think guys ask the gals number or where they stay or snaps ...why so that they can make a collection of the number of NEW sisters they have on chat or NEW FRIENDS... give me a break man..."

Ha!Ha!

Keshi said:

"then why would you jeopardize all that you have for a five-minute fling with the girl next door?"

Ha!Ha! 5 minutes!

Keshi said:

"did u notice the '/' which stands for 'or' :)"

That's new! I just learnt what "/" stands for!

Arzoon said:

"When men cheat, it basically means that they are looking for something their girlfriend or wife is not providing. Often times, it comes down to sex..."

Usually, pal, its the cooking.
---

It takes a lot of time to read all these comments! phew!

What's gym gal's blog url?

PuNeEt said...

This was another heavy dose… so I took some time to read as I was a bit busy with my work and so was my mind ;-)

I agree with your thought… cheating is the first crack, which shakes the relationship, although one may not feel the jolt initially but gradually the crack gets bigger and visible and the relationship gets weaker and pitiable…

A relationship based on compromise is never gonna give the real happiness…when u cant be urself with the person u r living your whole life… then ur not doing justice to ur life… ur not living ur life…

U wrote:
“Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance.”

U need not require a parallel relationship to cheat… just a one nightstand is enough to take the first step towards that direction.

Another nice thought provoking post…
:-)>

Keshi said...

lol Pithaly aww ur making fun of me now na?

Puneeeeeeeeeet!
***U need not require a parallel relationship to cheat… just a one nightstand is enough to take the first step towards that direction***
Very true...u have nailed it down! Ur such an understanding and sensible dude...someday some girl is going to be damn lukcy to have u as her husband :) And hey thanks for reading my posts amidst ur busy CA schedule ;-)

k000kie.

Keshi said...

Yep Vinu u have a great understanding of r'ships too...ur one good n sensible soul in this troubled world.

Thanks!
Keshi.

PuNeEt said...

keshiiiiiiiii...
pls dont be so formal by writing that thanx n all...
i atleast dont expect it frm u ...

:-)>
cheers

Keshi said...

hehe okkkai puneet :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

lolz Jann I'd join ya ;-)

Keshi.

Review Dawg said...

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