Take A Load Off

Guys what do you do when you hurt someone? And if someone else hurt you, how do you forgive that person? It's hard isnt it. Most of the time you just can't take away the hurt caused cos the other person is not willing to understand/forgive you. Sometimes it's hard cos nothing you do would really take away the hurt (maybe the hurt caused was too big). What do you do then? As much as others have hurt me in many different ways in my life, I'm not afraid to admit that I have hurt others too. That makes me human but surely it doesn't give me an excuse to continue doing so. We all hurt each other (intentionally or not) but we must always learn lessons from each of our mistakes in life, so that we don't cause the same kind of hurt again. And when we do hurt someone, what's important is to realise that we were in the wrong. Alot of people go on trying to defend themselves even when they were the ones who caused the hurt. I have done that too. But later on I have realised that I was wrong - and that realisation is very important. We get carried away with our ego/pride that we don't want to admit we are wrong, even if we were truly wrong. Ok why all of this on Mon morning? Cos I lost it with my mum last night and we had a small argument. So I switched off theTV, stormed out of the living room and went to bed straight away. That was my way of dealing with it. And I usually don't go to bed like that - cos me and my mum are like best friends and we chat for a long time every night before going to sleep. So last night I couldnt sleep at all. And why couldn't I sleep? Cos I WAS WRONG and it felt like I was a whole lot heavier than usual! And I shouldn't have gone to bed without making up with her. I was feeling very uncomfortable cos I was thinking what if something happened to my mum tonite and I never got to say Sorry! I know that's extreme worrying but you never know right? So I wanted to get up and go to her bed and give her a hug - I looked at the clock it was 1am and I know my mum would kill me if I go disturb her then hehe. So I didn't. I whispered a little prayer and went back to sleep. This morning when I woke up in a hurry, I ran to her as she was doing something in the kitchen, I hugged her from behind and I said 'Mum I'm really sorry for behaving that way last night!'. She was smiling and saying 'I know your silly temper, go now and get ready for work'. I had tears in my eyes. Aren't mothers always so forgiving? So why can't we forgive our friends this way too? Mostly forgive ourselves too. I know it all depends on the nature and the size of the hurt but if mums can always forgive their kids, why can't we have that kind of heart too? Saying Sorry and Forgiving...both has to be genuine though. It has to work both ways or your burden won't be taken away from both sides. Say Sorry for lies and see how bad you'd still feel. Also Forgive for lies and see how bad you'd still feel. Last night I was genuinely Sorry and I know that my mum genuinely Forgave me too. And that's why I'm so happy and feel relieved this morning. They say it's easier to forgive than to forget. That's true. But I think if you genuinely feel Sorry and the other person can genuinely Forgive, then it's easier to forget too. Why carry a load when you can take it off by saying Sorry and Forgiving each other? I know of people who are angry for years with each other over silly matters. It's crazy or what! Apparently long-term baggage can lead to heart disease and other physical illnesses. Now do you want that? No one wants that so why put yourself through trauma like that? Now I know it's not thaaaat easy to say sorry/forgive, but then think about it this way. Do you want to carry that kind of guilt/anger/hurt for so long even at the risk of your health? Do you want to carry that kind of guilt/anger/hurt to your grave? if you or the other person die before you could reconcile, what have you achieved? Chances are the other person is hurt as much as you are too. Everybody hurts, so let's realise that first.

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack on your back for life? How stressed you'd be and how badly would that load affect your health both in and out. By saying Sorry and Forgiving each other, trust me you'd feel like that massive backpack is taken off your back. That helps your body and mind to relax and as a result you'd be healthy too, so will be the other person. So folks, ring up that friend you hadn't spoken for a long time even if she/he may be the one who should ring you. Send a 'I'm really sorry' card to the person you hurt last week. Buy some flowers on the way home tonite to say how you feel about a loved-one at home. Give a hug. Take someone out for dinner if you feel she/he needs to be shown how you feel. And if you didn't get a chance at all to say sorry to/forgive that someone who's not alive anymore, say a little prayer and do something special in her/his memory today. Folks say your dues today. The wait is a weight.

BTW guys I saw REM perform this song LIVE when they were in Sydney couple of years ago. I was at the concert. It's an amazing song and they are an amazing band. Enjoy!

Current Music: Everybody Hurts by REM

Granny Craig

I had to write this post cos someone I love is rapidly disappearing into thin air because of a so-called 'healthy' diet (which ofcourse I think is a certified path to Anorexia). La Vida Loca's fantastic recent post about unhealthy diets reminded me of this girl I know. I'm not writing this to make her feel bad or to laugh at her. Trust me I love her and she's very close to me. And I don't wanna see her sick cos of some diet that don't make her beautiful anyways. That's why I want you to read her story so that if you're in the same track you'd realise that it's not really a fashion statement that you're making - rather a big blunder. (I have written a similar post long time ago - check 'butt it's beautiful'). My sincere apologies in advance if I hurt anyone through this post, but this is how I truly feel about extreme and crash-dieters.

She used to be a normal size 12 (perhaps a size 14 I'm not sure) and she used to eat without feeling guilty. She used to be happy, carefree and she looked fresh and healthy. And then came along some weirdo who told her she looked 'big' and that changed her life, for the worse I think. She immediately went and joined Jenny Craig's weight-watchers' program (which I have heard is ok to a certain limit). And in the months that followed she not only punished herself with tasteless fish-food but also went and bought a whole gym spending alot of money. Her house is full of gym equipment now. She followed Jenny Craig religiously for 10 more months combined with rigorous exercise. As a result she really lost tons of weight. At the beginning she looked good...more firm and healthy than she was before. She came to a size 10 which was great. I think this is where she should have stopped it and taken up natural ways to maintain it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that weight-watchers programs are bad altogether. It may be good until you lose the excess weight and then you have to be sensible enough to stop it there and continue with natural ways of maintaining that weight. But she didn't ease up on the diet after that, instead she continued like a Jenny-Craig-produced-low-fat-maniac and deteriorated rapidly by the day. Her face dropped, her eyes and cheeks hollowed, her very visible rib cage could be easily studied by anyone, her excessive skin started to hang from under her arms and worst of all she feared normal food! Whenever we ate rice/pasta (carb foods) in front of her she completely freaked out. Her tasty home-cooking also stopped cos now she survived only on program-supplied pre-packed food. She's a woman in her late 20s and she was now a size 8 going on size 6! Girls now when you're a full-grown adult woman (women of 25 and up), you really don't want to look like an under-developed teenager do you? You should be healthy, full and natural. That to me is attractive than a bag of bones moving around. And when you're an adult woman surely it isn't a fashion to look like a hungry Ethiopian who hasn't eaten in yonks?? She even mocked me for being a size 10-12 (trust me I fluctuate between the 2 sizes). I didn't mind her laughing at me cos I know what Im doing whereas she doesn't seem to have a clue about the damage she's doing to herself. She is lost in some craze to look like a walking-stick that isn't sexy anyways. And I think she is partly frustrated that she is obsessed by this diet and that she couldn't be normal anymore. That's why she was mocking those who ate normal food and didn't mind having sugar in their coffee. She takes Equal (saccharine-coated sweetener) with her tea/coffee. I read that artificial sweeteners such as Equal causes Cancer in long term use. I received a recent pic of her yesterday (no that's not her in this pic - she hasn't come to that stage yet but is surely on her way to it!) and she looked like a size 5 or even a 4! Is there even a size like that except for infants?? I don't know but she looked really sick. Both her cheeks seemed hollow and she looked extremely tired. Seriously clothes look better on a 'woman' than on a 'hanger' don't they! She didn't look like a fresh young woman anymore - instead she looked like a granny who's madly running after Jenny.

I can't advise her anymore cos last time I advised her she said I was jealous of her...helllo jealous? Hell na I'm not jealous. How could I be jealous of a woman who has no flesh in her body? I'd have to be a bone-specialist to admire her. Guys you tell me...do you prefer flesh-less and skin-only women or fleshy, healthy and bubbly women like Uttsy and Beyonce? :) Anyways I told her to beware of Anorexia and she didn't even know about such a thing - how ignorant can people be. Still she's not stopping on the diet. All of this to look like some 100yr old skeletal remains? WHY?

I really can't understand why some women fail to realise that their bodies are unique and beautiful as they are. I think most women punish their bodies cos the body is easier to change than the attitude towards yourself. If you have an over-weight problem then go and get some healthy advice from your doc and follow simple and genuinely healthy rules. Perhaps cut-down on certain sugary and oily food, let go of some unhealthy habits and exercise regularly - but never overdo anything. Everything in life should be done in 'moderation'. If you are so obsessed with looking thin to the extent that you miss out on having fun and having a life, then certainly you're on the wrong track. We were not born into this world to starve - we were born to live, eat and enjoy life. If you stand in front of the mirror and you have to try real hard to find your image, then you are in for some serious trouble. Life is too short to breathe weight-watchers and live on crackers. What matters most is if you are happy, sensible and healthy. I'm sure those who diet like this aren't really happy but they are forcing themselves to do it just to be thin and look like a model/actress who needs a good serving of steak on any day. A woman is beautiful when she's beautiful both in and out. To me outward beauty means being curvy, healthy, fresh and natural. And also if she's just beautiful on the outside and cant carry a decent and intelligent conversation (due to cranium depravation cos of hunger) and without fainting out of starvation, then what's the point in looking thin, thinner and thinnest? Where are all the full-figured beauties these days (like Sophia and Marilyn)? By crash-dieting you are putting yourself at serious risk and depriving your body of the nutrients it needs to function properly. I have heard of people dying from crash-dieting/binge-eating and some people end up as miserable anorexics/bulimics in mental hospitals. Don't ever let a diet ruin your life - you get only one life, so protect it. I hope my friend realises this before it's too late. Exercise your soul, do everything in moderation, be well and stay happy people.

Current Music: Stupid Girls by Pink

Someone Like You

Today is a very special day. It's the 20th of September and 56 years ago on this day a baby called Saby was born in India. And that baby had one big mission. That when he grows up to annoy alot of women on the net. And another was to have 200 manifestations of himself in 200 different blogs LOL! And he did that quite well. He has made me cringe in anger, made me swear at him, yell at him and even made me try to block his IP from my blog. Not because he was a bad guy but because he was very good at hitting people at the right places. I first met him as 'Julia' on IndiaTimes chat. Although it was a female name I kind of doubted his sex. Cos Julia typed alot of dirty jokes lol, and I know Indian girls hardly do that kind of thing. Then we became friends and I realised that this Julia was a man named Saby and that he was a real pain in the buttocks. Somehow I couldn't keep away from him. He had some magic and some charm. Perhaps he was a magician I dunno. But he really got me hooked. No he didn't praise me or make me smile all the time. What got me hooked was his genuineness and his honesty. He would tell you anything to the face. And you can cry all day about it but he won't change his mind. That really taught me something. That I wont always hear what I want to hear. Saby was the same to everyone - no favors just cos you are his friend. That quality I like alot about him. Some of my blog friends hated Saby and yelled at him. Some others even had major fights with me saying I should block him from my site. Some other friends dumped me cos Saby was a regular in my blog irritating people. Sometimes I deleted his rather over-the-top comments but some other comments are so real, so I published them. Even though I was highly annoyed by him at the start (the cat on the right is Saby and that's me inside the teapot), later I realised he's a rare gem that I have found. Saby is someone that alot of people don't wanna know at first but someone who has alot to teach you if you take that extra effort to get to know him. Saby has been my friend always. Through ups and downs, he was always with me and I can't forget that. Saby have I told you lately that I love you and I'm so glad I met you cos you made a big difference in my life. Now we are mates for life. Thank You and HAPPY BIRTHDAY mate! Have a blast HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Today I dedicate this beautiful song to the birthday boy..it's one of my favorites by ABBA and I always sing this on karaoke :). This is for you Saby. Somewhere in our lives we crossed paths and made alot of special memories and I hope that many years later when we are old and grey, you'll still think of me. I know I will think of you.

Current Music: Fernando by ABBA

Saturday Night Fever

Guys I'm still living in Sat night. It was a FANTASTIC night - the best I ever had I could say. I'm so glad I went and I guess the man upstairs knew I needed a beautiful surprise and in a grand style it came. Now hang ten and let me first tell ya how it all went. First I cut my long long hair short and layered on Sat (1st pic). I needed a change. Mum liked it so no probs there hehe. Got myself in the best dress - a dress to kill/murder/mutilate wuteva. The black halter neck and the long black skirt I was telling you about (2nd pic). And then a bit of makeup (not too much) - just black eye-liner and a light touch of silver dust on my cheekbones, a dash of chocolate berry Revlon lipstick, long silver-stoned-earrings with matching waiste-chain and sexy black stilettos (boys I know you are not interested in this but that's few tips for the hot blog chicks here). What else would a girl need to look and feel great ha ;-). So 7 of us met at 6pm and off we drove to the venue (btw mum joined us too. She loves this band and she's a dance maniac just like me - anyone surprised? guess not). Oh I forgot to tell you what kind of concert it was. It was a concert of a pretty famous Sri Lankan pop group called The Gypsies (check out this Wiki link). They are on tour in Australia and this was their Sydney concert. I'm sure some of you may have heard about them already. They not only sing some very catchy and extremely popular Sinhalese numbers (for Baila dancing) but they also sing English, Tamil and Hindi songs. Now Surprise #1: One of the first warm-up numbers they sang was 'Hotel California'! Why the surprise? Cos I had put it up as my current blog music on Fri and was jaw-dropped when they sang it, whoaaa! I felt like it was for me and they sang it sooooo good. I thought about all of you then awwww. Surprise #2: Boys boys and boys ooo lala! Girls there were some very hot Sri Lankan dudes over there...goshhh I was thinking WTH I was doing all this time in Sydney LOL! Well not only were they hot, they were pretty tuned in towards my table ahemmm...cos I could see alot of guys straining their necks looking my way - poor dudes ROFL! Anyways when we were dancing non-stop on the floor (3rd pic), 5 guys asked me for a dance each. I managed to dance with all 5 without any probs cos they were decent and didn't cause any problems like last time. 3 guys asked me for my mobile number and I didnt give em cos I wasn't interested, but to 1 guy I did...lol now don't look at me that way cos we became good friends and that's all...nothing else alright? Surprise #3. Now THE BEST SURPRISE EVER- drum roll... .... ....when we were dancing in the front, the band asked me and one of my cousins to come on stage!!! I was jaw-dropped like crazy ...omg I coudn't believe it! Uttsy, Kath and Ish I was thinking of you guys just then cos you love dancing. And I rem Ish telling she has stage fright. But this Keshi didnt have any fright hehe. But I was shocked they asked us when there were so many hot girls around. LOL they must have been drunk? Anyways no they were not drunk but they wanted us both on stage for the final 3 numbers. We went in a hurry and BOY O BOY what a feeling up there on stage (4th pic)...it's just UNBELIEVABLE! The great band singing and dancing with us, the crowd waving at us, the lights, the excitement, the rock-star feeling...it's just beyond words guys! We danced on stage for 3 fast numbers and guess what...so many guys were taking our pics from their mobile phones! I must be on their mobile phones now goshhhh imagine that?? But I had so much fun I just can't express it in words. Cos that was the highlight of the night and we never expected it. Both of us were spellbound (partly cos it was a childood dream of mine too - I wanted to be on stage with a famous singer some day. Guess some dreams do come true ha?). I was totally FLOORED. Did you realise how many exclamation marks and caps I have used in this post...haha that explains how much fun I had. So when we came down to the floor after that mini 'stage performance' of our's :), some guys came to us and asked if we knew the band personally...ofcourse we didn't. And then some other guys came and asked if we were movie stars in Sri Lanka...hahaha that was so stupid. I guess they just needed conversation. One nice guy came and asked if I worked in the city...I said yes. And he said that he has always seen 'this pretty-thing moving'...those were his exact words LOL! Then I asked him if it was a bad pick-up line and he said no, and that he too worked in the city and it was true. So yeah I made alot of friends from the opposite sex that night ;-) and no my dear blog-men dun worry, I didn't fall in love with any yet :):). Just alot of fun and excitement, and that was enough to keep Keshi happy for a very very long time. Remember I said I wanna dance to forget...well that night made some beautiful memories I will never forget. Guys it was just AMAZING!

btw we took too many pics and I cant put them all up here. I have selected only these few...so enjoy! btw the menu included seafood, chicken, beef etc basically everything under the sun. And na I didn't get drunk - I never do. I had one glass of red wine and that was it - yeah I know, baby girl lol! Uttsy and Raj you should have been with me then I wouldn't have been too chicken to drink up a bit. Some boys were totally smashed but no one was misbehaving. This last pic is of me and Shash, my fav cousin sister - she's an angel in my life. As you can see most of my pics are with her hehehe. We are very close and she has never ever said anything to hurt me - she's always there for me too. I love you Shash! Now I hope I didn't bore you all with this very long post :) and guys I hope you had a great weekend too. At the moment I'm very busy at work so I won't be able to answer the previous post's comments as yet and check alot of blogs as usual. But I promise I will get it all done soon. So stay tuned ok. Thanks guys for all the great advice you gave me last week...cos it was well worth it - HUGGGGGGGGZ! Folks just live life King/Queen/Prince/Princess size ;-) cos we have today don't we. TC!

Current Music: Dancing Queen by ABBA

Room 367

Arrived at the hotel. She has a great smile. Hello how may I help you sir? You're in room 367 and here are the keys, enjoy your stay sir. Took the lift upstairs. A room quite pleasant. Hello reception I need help, my doors don't open and I'm locked inside! Hello Hello is anyone there? No one on the other side of the phone. Looking outside the window. Giant wild trees in darkness wanting to bury the loneliness, swaying to the breeze. Raindrops fall and they seem to hum a sad story of a long lost girl. A creaking sound of a door opening. I suddenly notice a side-door that leads to the balcony. Through the half-opened door I see a young girl in the balcony standing and staring into the deep night. Long black hair that reached her hips. Eyes that spoke volumes with tears dancing. Hands slender and pale. Wearing a white veil but jeans on. She seems to be in despair. Holding a letter in her hands. Suddenly she turns towards my way. Comes running to the door with her arms stretching out towards me! I shut the door so hard. Trapped inside in sheer terror. Who is she. I look again through the keyhole. Yes she is that same stewardess! The beauty who lead me here and trapped me in? What is she doing here. I shiver in fear. I open the bedside drawer. A newspaper article that reads 'Permanent Guest In Room 367'. I faint in shock. Wake up in about 2mins. And she's sitting on my bed! I run to the door. She laughs so loud. I try to open the door and it finally opens. I go down the corridor and reach the lifts. The lift doors opens and she is in there making loud sobs! I run back to the stairs and arrive at the desk somehow. Thank God, I wanna go home now. The same stewardess is there again?? She looks up and says with a smile 'I'm sorry sir checking out is prohibited - you can never leave'.

Guys this is just a short story I wrote partly using a real story that happened in a haunted hotel in Queensland. A chambermaid who committed suicide (out of a lost love) seems to haunt that hotel and seems to want to mingle with the guests. I don't know how true it is, but alot of people have seen her and was a pretty famous story. Apparently she's still around. Anyways I never really believed in ghosts until I really saw one in an apartment I once rented. I have blogged about it before, if interested read here. Any spooky stories to share?

Concert Update: With all your words of great encouragement and my $80 that should not be wasted at all (considering that so many kids are hungry in Ethiopia), I'm going to the concert, yes! Thanks guys for the advice MWAH! It's on tomorrow night and it's a combination of Salsa and Rock n Roll music with dinner and dance. I'm going to dance alright...to forget alot of things in my life. Yes I'm going to have fun and I will make sure I wear the sexiest outfit tomorrow...my black halter-neck top and long black skirt. This little go-getter kitten is close to what my spirits will be like tomorrow - it's raining men, hallelujah!

Now check out this LIVE version of one of my fav songs ever. Hotel California. It also kind of goes with my post so here it is. And hey have a good one folks!

Current Music: Hotel California by Eagles

E-Life

I think life in 20 years time will be mega electronic that we would not even realise we are made of flesh and blood. Even doctors will be jobless cos we might have drive-thru hospitals where you can get yourself checked as you drive and then get some medicine at the next stop and off you go - and even go through coronory by-pass surgery done by a robot while you're at the driving seat! Poor IT people like us might not be needed either. We might be sitting at home when bots start programming other bots. What about Police? I don't think we'll need em either. Cos with rising technology there may be less crime - people may email a murder than really kill with a knife. And the good news is we may not even have terrorism cos if terrorists were to fly planes into building, we may have buildings that bounce back such planes back and forth between buildings - boink, boink, boink...and back to landing cos the terrorists got so bored with it. Do you think we'll need any restaurants...no, cos we might have e-restaurants where we all sit and video conference while we eat our own lunches from home. We may even have pizza delivered through a fax machine - imagine picking up a pizza through your fax machine - neeeeeeeeeee neeee neeeee Pepperoniiii! What about greeting cards? I guess not. Cos we wouldnt know what a post-box is! Would we have pets? Guess not cos we already have e-pets online so no need to buy kitty litter people. Anyone wanna say what kids will be like in 20yrs time? They wouldnt even need platser and dettol cos soccer is only played online. How about music? Would we have to buy anymore ipods or would we just have a nano installed in our ears that gets activated by the need? What about grocery shopping...maybe not - cos we might have replaced our meals with one big pill name 'Food' that's taken every 4hrs. Would there be a milkman anymore - guess not cos a mean-looking robot drives the milk van these days. And where do you think people would go for holidays...there'll be '5D' movies of holiday spots where you can get inside the movie reel and be there in a jiffy - no need to travel at all. And come back home just by jumping off the screen. Clothes anyone? Probably only when you feel bored. Makeup girls? Maybe not...cos you'll be dating and romancing a Chat-Id. And how about for those girls like me who don't have a partner yet..well I might even have an e-husband. Gosh that's so much easier than having to deal with the real mess ROFL! What about Family time - family members may txt each other to give a hug - sigghhhh! And what about God...He could be already brushing up on his .net and C# skills and even have a Blog of his own. He might even change his slogan to 'JAVA thy neighbor'. I don't wanna see the dawn of 2020, seriously LOL!

Check out the lyrics of today's music...it says all I wanna say through this post. Have anymore bright 2020ish thoughts?

Current Music: I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker by Sandi Thom

The Original You

I had a shitty weekend. Major argument on Sat and decided I wont go to this musical concert on Sun - doesn't matter if I lose my $80 on it, I JUST WONT GO. Some people just don't know how to talk and don't know their limits with words. Such words are lethal to the system. So yeah I wont go. When I'm affected I'm affected so let me be. Till you realise what you said was plain cruel and downright ugly, I won't ever talk to you again. Don't always expect me to be a puppet on strings. This time I just cut the strings and now I'm lifeless in your play. Get that.

Now to the post. How do you usually indentify/introduce yourself? Doesnt matter who the audience is, just imagine this situation. You are given a microphone to say who you are. Alot of people will start with their origin - fair enough you've got to cherish where you come from. But are you really only that or many more? One of my friends always say 'I'm an Indian girl, very traditonal, I have a culture to preserve...etc' and I used to ask her this. Shelby are you really all Indian? Cos we are in this imaginary world sometimes forgetting the fact that though we are Indian/Sri Lankan/Chinese/English/Aussie/Canadian etc by origin, that we are really many more than just that. Have a look at this example of an Indian girl. Since the day she is born, she is brought up to believe that she is 'Indian'. That's true, by birth she is Indian. And she lives learning the Indian traditions and ways. But deep down she can have many other characteristics that may not necessarliy fall under the label 'Indian'. Is that a crime? I think not. Cos that's who she is. I'm a simple Sri Lankan woman when I'm in a Buddhist temple, I'm a fun-loving American woman when I'm at the pub with friends, I'm a sport-loving Aussie woman when I'm singing 'Waltzing Matilda' at the Olympics with friends, I'm a seductive Arabic woman when I do belly-dancing with my Turkish friends, I'm a family-loving Greek woman when I watch TV with my mother and aunt instead of going out with the boys, I'm a fashionable Italian woman when I fall in love with Dolce and Gabbana, I'm a gracfeul Indian woman when I wear the saree and light the lamp, I'm a hardworking Asian woman when I'm at work earning my dough, I'm a daring English woman when I'm bush-walking in the loneliest forests, I'm a tough African woman when I'm facing the harshest droughts in life, I'm a Russian ballerina when I put my dancing shoes on, I'm a sexy Brazilain woman when I'm at the beach in my cossies, I'm the carefree Islander woman when I'm with nature. I have every trait and I'm every woman. What matters is being who you are, not labeling/branding yourself to be one thing just cos of brand-loyalty. That doesn't mean you should be someone else, but it means don't be forced to hide what you are based on a passed label. Be proud of your origins but never let that loyalty cost you your originality.

I dedicate today's music to the best-known Australian ever Steve Irwin. Tears well up whenever I think of him and this time it's no crocodile tears. I don't think I'll ever get over Steve's death . He's one rare man who found his reason in this life. Guys I know that everyone dies, but Steve was not everyone.

Current Music: The Reason by Hoobastank

Rewind And Unwind

I wanna move on...I wanna be happy for the memories...I wanna smile for all of you...so yeah Happy Friday is here guys and it's quiz time. So here it is:

If your life was a movie and you could rewind your life's DVD,

1.What GENRE of movies would your life-so-far be Action/Adventure/Comedy/

Drama/Fantasy/Horror/

Mystery/Romance/Thriller?

2.Which would be the BEST scene in the movie of your life-so-far? (Don't say it's yet to happen. I'm talking about what has happened so far).

Ok so there you go...a bit of fun for the weekend and something to ponder upon - have you really lived an interesting life so far. Enjoy and have fun guys!


My answers:
1.What GENRE of movies would your life-so-far be?
Drama (Me being the biggest drama queen there ever was! I can make a movie out of a mossie bite.)

Adventure (I'd just try out anything I have the desire for. Nothing can stop me)

Comedy (cos I laugh alot. Even when I was in thick mud after I slipped and fell down into a pit recently and hurt my back real bad I was giggling so loud.)

2.Which would be the BEST scene in the movie of your life-so-far?
... ... ... ... ... OMG I have none :( ok ok let me think. Alright it's not the many prize-givings I was at, it's not the Uni degrees, it's not the career achievements, it's not that full-on kiss with my ex etc etc. It happened when I was only few months old. Apparently I was seriously ill with measles and some other viral infection. I was admitted to hospital and my mother had to sign off some medical documents declaring that the doctors were not liable if I die. It was that serious. My mum said that she was crying every minute of those days thinking she'll hear the bad news - that I didn't make it. Apparently I somehow survived (Im here alright:)), and I was brought home. Then I did something crazy the very next day - I stuck a fruit seed in my nose! Maybe I was too bored with toys or maybe I had a crush with one of the docs at the hospital. I was hospitalised in the emergency ward again and yes I survived again alright. I wonder what the doctors thought about me - some crazy baby who wants to experiment with her body all the time hehehe. I find that scene of my life depicting the true spirit of me - an adventurous, funny and a strong survivor with alot of drama in her life ofcourse :). What about you?

Current Music: The Man Who Sold The World by Nirvana

Fake Reality

Why is it that often a person's worth is felt only after they're gone?

Why do we gather so many materialistic needs?

What of these bonds when at the end of this life you can take none with you?

What's the purpose of this life when it's really only an illusion?

Where do people go when they die?

When will people learn to say nothing if they don't have anything good to say?

Why is it that tears are sometimes just not enough?

Is life always beautiful?

If there's also emptiness then what's so full about life?

Where is my home?

Why do people follow often and not lead?

Do I have a meaning?

Is God a mean guy who takes the good ones early?

How do people somehow move on after someone is gone forever?

Is selfishness the only real survival trait in humans?

What is so great about life when it can end in a second?

What am I earning for?

If I die young what of all the things I wanted to be?

Why do I feel so much pain?

Why do I feel that everything is just so fake?

Why cant I move on?

What are we looking for?

Current Music: Tourniquet by Evanescence

Devastated!

So a mere stingray took Stevie's life. He handled far more dangerous animals than that - large crocodiles and venomous snakes. But this true-blue Aussie legend never feared those animals or death. He continued doing what he loved the most and he was truly a free spirit. Larger than life Steve Irwin was a great ambassador for Australia and will be sorely missed! What a huge loss and it's a pretty big shock to the whole of Australia and the world. Poor Stevo you died doing what you loved the most. We need more people like you in this world. People who enjoy who they really are and do what they are meant to do on this Earth. Cos alot of people do what they are told to do but you were different. Stevie you did so much for this country and the world, educating people about animals at the same time entertaining all...and even if it meant risking your life you were more than happy to make others happy. A short 44yrs but what a full and complete life! If I had half your passion I could safely say my life was full. Only the good die young. Crikey you will be terribly missed mate!

Steve, from all of God's creatures, THANK YOU!

To All The Beautiful Women Out There...

When a girl is beautiful she's not just an object...she's not just a show...she's not just a colorful parrot at the top of a viewing queue...she's not cheap and easy...she's not proud and expensive either...she's not a user...she's not just a pretty face...she's not shallow and she's not dumb...no she does not have EVERY reason to be happy either. No she doesn't find love so easily the way you think...neither is she the wonder-woman. She's not vain...and no she's not always that lucky as you may think. She's blessed with good genes but that doesn't mean she's just Looks only. She can be much more beautiful than that and yes she can be really valuable too. Cos she too can have a beautiuful heart and soul. What matters is if she lived through great difficulties in life, fighting her battles hard and facing the adversities courageously. So please don't judge a girl by her outward beauty and think that she lives in paradise. Cos outward beauty does not always mean eternal happiness, sound health and never-ending glory. Remember that the pretty Lotus blooms in the murkiest places - likewise beauty can be born and reside in the harshest environments. There may be some women who use their beauty to control others and who are shallow, easy, cheap etc, but not all beautiful women are like that. I'm done for the day guys!

And a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE and SMART woman Amu for the 1st of September! MWAHHHH sweety!

Guys I just got the news that the Aussie crocodile hunter Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray barb today. So long mate! Guys I just hate today.

Current Music: Life For Rent by Dido

A Better Death

I'm sure many of you have seen this pic before. This is a pic of a man jumping out of the World Trade Center on that fateful day (9/11/2001) in New York. Back then this picture had me in total shock for months and even now I still haven't gotten used to it. Everytime I look at this pic, I feel a fresh sadness for that man (and the the rest of 200+ men and women who were forced to jump to their deaths that day). This pic is a very special pic in the sense that alot of journalists later tried to find out the identity of this person but didn't really succeed. More than that, what this pic tells me is whoever it is, he shows true courage and grace even at the hands of death. Look at the way he is falling. So quiet, peaceful, full of grace and strength. It's not what death is portrayed to be. We all have this fear within us when we hear the word 'Death'. But he doesn't seem to be fearing death, neither is he screaming or struggling. He's just quiet and down he goes, down, down, down to the hands of something that'd handle him 'better' than the raging fires inside the building. He still shows hope, absolute stillness and a 'better' choice of death for him at that point of time. I know that there are(were) many people who suffer(ed) around the world because of terrorism but this kind of death is beyond imagination. Where one is forced to commit suicide! I find it difficult to even imagine his horror and pain when he had to make that ultimate decision of his life, perhaps within 10 or 15mins and that too just to die?? Just imagine facing a situation like this where you're being 'executed' (for nothing) and you only get the choice of the way you die (as if that's any comfort). I think in that kind of situation I too would have done what he did 'cos I don't want to burn alive. Human courage is immeasurable. What would you have done if you had no way out of that building that day?

Since it's getting close to the rememebrance of that fateful day and it's many victims, I'd like to dedicate this post to all innocents who perished on 9/11...to all those who had nothing to do with this stupid war but had to pay the ultimate price for it...to all those who's cries went unheard till their last breath...to all those who left their loved-ones behind right in front of their eyes...and to Joanne Ahladiotis. I know Joanne's cousin and we became friends after 9/11. I had to reach out to someone, to share their pain so Joanne was my choice. Joanne was only 27 and worked as a Systems Analyst for eSpeed, Cantor Fitzgerald on level 104- similar to what I do and her personality sounded alot like mine too. She left her beloved mother and sister behind. Apparently on that day staff at her office were getting retrenched . She had told her mum the night before that she was in fear of losing her job. Instead she died that day. Life is as fragile as that drop of water hanging from a leaf. The sun and the moon are forever but you and me are not. Never forget that Joanne was here.

Current Music: Hello by Evanescence

S-MILE-S

Ok guys this was the first pic I ever posted in my blog. And I posted only half of it and everyone kept asking me to post the full pic. So here it is finally. This pic was taken by my cousin (I deliberately BWed it just for blog posting purposes - I'm wearing a red dress there) and I wasn't even posing cos she just asked me to turn, CLICK CLICK and suddenly I was in a pic. So here I am. Hope you like it. . Am I smiling in that pic? I guess so :)

Point of this post is not to advertise myself (Ari I assure you of that ok lol!), it's rather to say I was kind of bored today. So what do I do...I just danced in the lift and hell yeah in the Ladies too. Also I sang some songs while I was listening to them in my MP3 player looking at cute guys passing by as if I was singing it for them hehe. I was only singing them softly don't worry and no they didn't notice. So that's what I do when I'm bored. Cos I guess I'm someone who just cant sit in one place and sulk for too long no matter what. In any situtaion in life there's no speed limit for me and I just can't slow down. Even when I'm bored, I'd find something to amuse myself. Let's just say I'm HYPER - my mum did say I need slowing drugs. So yeah even if they were taking me to the gallows I'd break-dance on my way (remember my moon-walk Margie?). Cos I believe it's only us who make ourselves sulk, nothing/noone else. I can be bored for like 5mins and then I'm suddenly halfway through hip-hopping or singing 'cmon baby light my fire' haha! I do things to keep myself amused. I love to laugh and I love to make others laugh. Na I'm not a professional clown but I find joy in laughing often and I even laugh at myself sometimes. Not only to avoid expensive trips to the shrink but also cos I love being happy for today and I love seeing happy people around me - and I think it's therapeutic. If I see someone moody or bored for too long, I get agitated. I really do. Some people stay angry/annoyed for years! They turn me off big time. Cos such people spoil everyone else's mood. Don't get me wrong I get moody and pretty often too, but then I won't show it in public and spoil everyone else's fun. If I'm upset for longer than I expected to, I completely shut down and run away from the crowd, or I blog about it and vent it all out. I'm like that. But when I'm in a crowd, I do my best to have fun and make everyone else have fun too. Cos it's just too boring to be bored for too long and it's just too upsetting to be upset all the time. There's only one result of being too moody for too long - you get moodier and become a cactus that no one wants to touch. So either go to a Mexican desert and plant yourself there or cheer up and join in the fun :) Have fun while you can guys and make others feel happy too, cos we are not here forever - that might sound cliched but it very much is the truth.

And hey guys, what's the longest word in the dictionary? It's SMILES (sorry I didn't even give you time to answer lol!). Why, cos there's one whole MILE between the 2 S's. So wear those happy long smiles on your sweet faces and bring many smiles on to others' faces too. Make this short life longer with some long long s-mile-s. Have you noticed how good you feel when you make someone else smile? And that my dear-ones is the ultimate way to live.

Current Music: You Win My Love by Shania Twain

Ingredients:HORNY

This post is a dedication to, rather inspired by my dearest friend Karmic_Jay ;-) He knows what I'm talking about hehehe.

Have you ever associated food with Eroticism and vice versa? No I'm not talking about going to McDonald's and making love to a Happy Meal. I'm talking about food that makes you feel hornier and eroticism that is associated with certain foods. Food apparently is very much linked with sex and vice versa. Now this is what the article I did my homework on said. It's very interesting so please do read this if you can:

"Food and sex are two sides of the same coin — inextricably linked throughout history. And as for scientific proof that aphrodisiacs work, who needs it? Adam and Eve were the first couple to have sex, and it’s no coincidence that their biblical story is founded on a spare rib and an apple. Survival is the most basic of human instincts. We can’t do that without eating, nor can we do it without procreating; they are two sides of the same coin, inextricably conjoined throughout history. Nowadays, of course, if we ate only to survive we’d all be on the Nasa diet, consuming shuttle-crew rations of reconstituted mush containing all the required protein, vitamins and minerals. Similarly, if we had sex only to procreate, it would all be over in seconds. Most of us want more than that from sex, and from food; we crave sensual pleasure, the gratification of as many senses as possible — sight, smell, taste, touch. We always have done. If you doubt that food and sex have so much in common, turn to Nature; and look no further than the first letter of the alphabet. Pick up an asparagus spear. Observe that thick, woody stalk, tapering towards the tip before expanding into a bulbous head and...ooh, er, missus. There can be few culinary activities more erotic than feeding to your beloved a tender asparagus spear dripping with melted butter; messy, but undoubtedly erotic! In other languages and cultures, ripe fruit has long had female anatomical associations. Last year they opened a restaurant near where I live called La Figa. Among the local Italian community there was a mixture of outrage and giggles, depending on their level of prudishness. I never understood why, till an Italian friend told me to slice a fig in half. Ah yes, now I get it. The letter A also stands, of course, for aphrodisiac. Fact or wishful fantasy? Who knows — but if it works for you, go for it. You would be in good company. Many ancient civilisations believed that something that resembled a sexual organ must logically possess sexual powers — eg ginseng , rhinoceros horn and oysters. The Ancient Greeks, including Pliny and Dioscorides, all agreed that certain foods had aphrodisiac qualities, although they couldn’t agree on what those foods were. Some swore by aniseed and almonds, some by bananas and basil, others by carrots and chocolate, others still by garlic and ginger. But then, trust the killjoys of the United States Food and Drug Adminstration to subject all this jollity to a brisk cold shower. In 1989 the FDA declared that “ the reputed sexual effects of so-called aphrodisiacs are based in folklore, not fact” and “there is no scientific proof that any aphrodisiacs work”. Who needs scientific proof? I’m with Los Van Van, the great Latin salsa band, and one of my favourite songs: No Me Toques La Puerta, El Negro Está Cocinando, which means Don’t Knock At My Door, The Black Guy’s Cooking. And if you think that has anything literally to do with either doors or cooking, then you’re either very innocent or extremely naïve".

haha can someone explain that song title to me? Cos I still don't get it :( and hell yeah I can be extremely naive sometimes. Ok as the article read, I know that certain foods can make you extra-erotic (either by eating them or even by just looking at them or even smelling them) and I'm sure it adds 'spice' to one's sex life. Do all people feel this way or am I just a horny pineapple? Well this is what I think...the 5 senses we have are sex antennas and some people like me have it better-tuned. lol! Cos the smell, touch, sight, sound and taste can be strongly erotic if you tune em well. And ofcourse that means they respond strongly to certain external cues and they can drive your emotions wild. One of my friends (H) adores red wine and strawberries alot. H tells me that those food items make certain things more exciting and an experience out-of-this-world. I hope H doesn't end up in Pluto hehe. Anyways, some others say that looking at/smelling certain fruits/veges/food/drinks make them super-horny eg: apples, grapes, carrots, whip-cream, rose-water, chocolates, honey etc. I think that's deliciously naughty and very interesting indeed :) Now this doesn't mean you take your lunch to bed ok?? Here's some food I feel super-horny to: chocolate/vanilla icing, coffee, melting chocolates, strawberries, ice cream, cream, milk - yes milk! Having said that I realise that I have my daily coffee in office..that sounds more scary now lol! What's your erotic menu like? ;-)

Current Music: Touch Me by Samantha Fox

Grace Of Unity

I was thinking what kind of place made me feel the most peaceful...a place that brought me inner peace. Just by being alone with that place. Apart from places like the beach, forest, lakes and mountains, I like this one place very much...and that's the church. Churches always made me relax, feel peaceful and in one with my spirit. It's so beautiful a feeling to sit inside a church and realise how thoughts just flow into your head without you thinking them. Have you noticed that? How tranquil, effortless, wonderful and loving thoughts come into your head when you sit at a place like that. How you feel that the whole world is such a beautiful place and that we can live as one if we really didn't think only about ourselves. How you feel that there's nothing that you can't conquer in this world if there's love in your heart. How the statues, tinted windows and the big walls speak to you in many intriguing ways. How the voices in your head tell you that you are only a small being of this very big world but that you have a huge part to play. You don't really need to be in a specific place to feel that way but some places strengthen that feeling. And a church is that place for me.

I went to a Methodist school and even though I'm a Buddhist/Hindu by birth I always went for morning prayers in the school chapel (after general assembly). Sometimes when I had to do Prefect duties I had to go to the church by myself when no one else was there. I always enjoyed going up this enchanting spiral staircase of that chapel which had glass walls on both sides with Christian art on them. It's such a special place that made me feel like I was walking up to God's living room for tea, and that the angels were chatting and having fun up there already. Words wont do justice to the emotions and the amazing grace I felt there while looking at Mother Mary holding baby Jesus with a face that portrayed endless and unconditional love. I felt one with God. And I'm not even a Christian by birth. Maybe because I'm a child of that one God which most people try to divide. I can never see Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed, Jesus or any other divinity separately. To me they are all one - just many manifetsations of one. Just like how this world is full of people but we all have the same body, soul, needs and feelings...we all wanna be heard...we are all born and we all die...we are all children of this Earth. We are many but we are one. God bless this world!

What kind of place(s) make you feel the oneness of the world?

~~Hey you, you're a child in my head

You haven't walked yet

Your first words have yet to be said

But I swear you'll be blessed...~~

Current Music: Blessed by Elton John

Only For A While

I danced here for a little while
And I met alot of hearts
Hearts that longed for mine
Some hearts that made me cry
But I'm only a flash
That burns for a while
A flash that may pass
And become a memory in your life
A watercolor shade
Of an aura that used to be
A snowflake in the mountains
That melted in Spring
A Daisy in the valley
Sleeping tight in Winter
A breeze among the trees
So free how it feels
Many tears I cried here
Spears of pain I felt
But I danced again
And it was only for a while
You didn't want me
But can I stay for a while
I will dance for you
Even if my feet just died
Now they are calling me
It's my time to dance
To dance with no shoes
And no one to glance
Im in the woods
Im in the lake
No one to shadow me
My spirit's awake
Soaring high
With the angels above
Now I'm the dried flower
That sits between your pages
Do you still remember
How we used to be
Do tears well up now
When you think of me?

--Keshi.

Current Music: Viva Forever by Spice Girls

RATING:Coarse Language

Right now I'm irritated to high heavens and want to tell few people to F#CK OFF so bear with me please.

Some people can be so dumb that they can't understand the term NO. When I was little my parents taught me that YES means YES and NO means NO, and that we have to take those words seriously. But some people take such answers as something that's been masked, therefore something that need to be asked again and again, and pestered with till you suffer from an overdose of NOs. It's bloody annoying when they take the liberty to harass others with their constant nagging and cribbing about some selfish need until they sound like they are 100yrs old and permanently deaf! I said NO so please F#ck Off!

And there are some others who feel super-hurt if you can't fall in love with them that they go and try to tarnish your image and spread crap about you everywhere. Can love be forced? Atleast I'm not dumb not to realise that. These people admire/praise you all along until they declare their love to you and when you say you don't feel that way about them, then they suddenly see you as some ugly monsterous bimbo who will never do well in life. They will try hard to make you realise that you've missed out on some golden heart when infact you've missed out on nothing, rather a pile of sh#t. What kind of morons are these people and did they meet their embryonic needs at all? Go back to the womb please and grow in there for 9 more months!

Then there are some other people who think they know every damn thing in the world. Then they ought to enter the Guinness book right? But instead they try telling people that they know everything and that's about it duhhh! They have an ego that's as big as Pavarotti's lunch and it can be irritating as stepping on a dead mouse. As if they've been around the world and met each and every person that makes this world! Even if they did that, I don't think such people will make sense. Heyy Know-It-All, don't forget to collect your brain from the mortuary!

And there are others who spread rumors about you. People who just can't say something good about another but instead find glory in saying bad things about even their close buddies. Such people irritate me to the core and I feel they are a species that need to be endangered by force. Gossiping is an ugly deed. Say NO to Gossip or go to hell!

And there are some others who can't stop whining. Wasting their lives complaining every single day. While it's natural to whinge about certain things, there are some people who whinge about petty issues and that can be really annoying. Like how they don't like their sofa-color or how their boyfriends don't listen to them or how Australia is not a good country. WTF there are much better things to put your time to than whinge about a stupid sofa or a deaf BF or a nail that broke?? And if Australia is not a good country why are you here - hop on a plane and go back to where you came from. Get out!

I see (brain-) dead people...people who don't even know what they are doing to their kids. Parents who smoke/drink in front of young kids. Parents who don't have time for their kids. Parents who don't teach their kids what life is all about from early days. Parents who abandon their kids so that they can have a good time either partying or working a workaholic life. Parents who deprive their children of childhood. Parents who abuse their kids. I hate you all. May all of you meet your maker in a very thorny place!

Last but not the least, what about people who say life is short but act as if they'd live forever? They just go on being greedy, selfish and continue to live like life is the longest thing ever. People who don't realise that there are others sharing this planet with them too. People who don't know how to smile. People who don't give a damn about others. People who think there is nothing/nobody beyond them. People who laugh at others and think those lives are not worth a dime. People who are racists, fanatics, terrorists, losers. People who are kidding themselves big time. Drop your diapers and get a life you pesticide-selling roaches!

Want to tell someone off today?

Current Music: It's My Life by Bon Jovi

Virgin Updates

I went to a wedding on Sunday. Yes it was superb and extra 'bling-bling' an event cos it was a Sri Lankan Hindu wedding. So you could imagine all the colors, glamor and glitter of sarees and jewellery! Yes I wore a saree too (a mix of turquoise blue and champagne green) and guess what...while I had many kinds of fancy jewellery to go with it, I still wore my mum's ancient necklace and (jimki) ear-rings that matched it (this was the 3rd time I wore them). She wore them when she was in her 20s. I always had a love for old stuff cos there's something so precious and beautiful about them - maybe the sentimental value of such jewellery knowing that my granma made them for my mum. Anyways the wedding was absoloutely breathtaking. The mandap (altar where the bride and the groom sat) was simple yet so romantic - decortated with white, yellow and orange flowers and so full of grace, purity and magic. We were seated in the 3rd row so I got to witness the whole ceremony quite clearly and to detail. My favorite part was when the Hindu priest got the couple to exchange garlands 3 times and I thought they looked so cute doing that - like sweet little kids playing a game :). Anyways I had lots of fun in my saree, walking around feeling beautiful and graceful ;-) and most of all getting glances from some hunks, woohoo! Ok there was this one very good-looking dude that I had a glance or 2 at and guess what...later on when I went to serve myself some food, someone accidentally bumped on me from behind and we both turned to say 'Sorry'...and it was him (jaw-drop in my head) and I felt like that that bumping was indeed necessary and nothing to be sorry about lolz! Anyways we said Sorry and yes I moved on with my food and not with him, chill guys!

(Ok I know you're bored with my modelling pics but here's one of me just before going to the wedding showing off my mum's pretty jewellery). One other thing I noticed about the Hindu wedding ceremony - the priest anounces that this virgin has been given in hand to this man now etc etc. I don't like that bit and I don't know why people still say such things in modern times. It belittles the bride somehow and I feel it's synonymous with considering the bride as a sex object - atleast that's what I think. I mean think about this...we are in the 21st century where both girls and boys have moved on from cave-men days, we are independent women/men and women's rights have come a long way. And Respect should come from both sides. So why include that bit still, as if this is about donating a virgin to a sex hungry man? What about him being donated to a woman, cos for all I know most men need a care-take lol! Anyways virgin or not, I despise that kind of vow which humiliates women and are still read out when that's not what love is all about! if I ever have a Hindu wedding, I'll make sure that bit is removed - hell yeah I will review every word (remember my recent wedding-vows post lol!). If my man or the priest objects, I'll dump them both. What I mean is love and marriage is not about virgins and human donations. It's about giving yourselves to each other just as you are. And when you do get married, make sure the vows are in synch with your thoughts and views. What other wedding vows (from your (/other) culture(s)) have you come across that make you wanna puke or sack the priest?

~~'Cause I am your lady (not your virgin)
And you are my man (not my master)
Whenever you reach for me (not when you smother me)
Ill do all that I can... (we'll do whatever we both wanna do ok?)

:):)

Current Music: The Power Of Love by Celine Dion

Miss.Mess

Can't say I have ever been 90% sane (I believe all of us are 10% insane by default and yes it can be more). My mind meter ticks at a speed of about 100km per second. Am I even making sense? Never mind, cos I'm not programmed to. I'm just me. Some people 'work' hard on being perfect...you know, by 25 to be married and settled, by 35 to be successful in career, by 45 to own a fancy house and 2/3 kids, by 55 to be a proud parent with kids doing well in uni/work, by 65 to be super secure health-wise, by 75 to play with grand-kids and by 85 to die wih a peaceful smile on his/her face. That's ok. Cos in life one has to have plans/goals or else it will be aimless. But how many of us get it all? And how many of us get disappointed when we don't get some of them? Alot of us do. But should we be disappointed? Initially yes, but if you just go with the flow and not worry too much about what you don't have and concentrate on what you already have, I'd say you'd be much less disappointed in the first place. I see people around me always planning...they say 'I want to be married in 2yrs time', 'I want to own a house by next year or Im a loser', 'I want to be successful like my colleague cos I don't think I'm doing good in my career', 'I want to have kids cos what's life without having my own kids', 'I need a gf/bf or people will think I'm a failure', 'I want to be rich by 35 so I have peace of mind', 'I don't think I fit in cos all the others in my age group are very fashion-conscious and look way better than me' ....etc etc. And some people tell me 'Keshi you're incomplete without a man', 'Keshi you need to be more responsible and buy a house on your own', 'Keshi you need to change jobs cos you should get a higher pay', 'Keshi you need to stop wasting money on clothes/accessories cos you've got to save now', 'Keshi you act like a child', 'Keshi don't waste time caring about people who don't care about you', 'Keshi do you even have an aim in life?' etc etc. These are actual things that people tell me daily.

Why do people always want to be someone else? Or want you to be someone else? I don't get it. While I understand that you need to have dreams, goals and plans to a certain extent, I don't think our lives should revolve around those plans. Karen doesn't have kids but she doesn't have to feel incomplete cos there are other kids right? You may be unmarried at 45 so what, you're still alive and kicking arent you? James wants to buy a house just cos others of his age group are doing it, but why? Susan is worried that her kids are not doing well like other kids, so what she still has kids doesn't she? Jason is terribly ill at 30 cos he didn't eat well or exercise, so what he's still coping isnt he? Mike died in a car accident and thats not the way he wanted to die, but do we have a choice? Claire looks old-fashioned so what she's still nice isnt she? I'm a child at heart and I'm loving it ok? I'm happy with where I work cos the people are lovely, I don't much care about a fat pay, you've got a problem with that? I don't want to buy a house right now cos I don't have the desire for it, neither am I unhappy about not owning a house like my peers do, so how does it trouble you? I'm a mess in your eyes, but I'm loving that Miss.Mess - cos that's just me, a true portrait of who I am, done by me, without anyone else touching up on the paint.

What matters in the end is if you really need the needs that you feel you need, whether you're ready for them and that if you're happy doing what you're doing. Don't do anything for the sake of it or cos everyone else is doing it or cos someone else wants you to do it or cos you feel you're not in touch with the trend. Instead, you be your own trend-setter and skate around joyously in life. Just be yourself, have some goals, if you reach them its great, if not it's still OK. It's OK to be YOU.

Today's music is one of my old favs...I just chose it cos I remembered this song as I wrote this post...cos when I lost my dad long long time ago, I thought I'd never be able to live without him. While I miss him terribly, I'm still alive right? We can get through anything in life if we have the love and I know I still have my dad's love here with me - look at the friends I have made here wow...blowing Kisses to all of you from here MWAHHH! And Dad I miss you so much, hope you're having alot of fun up there - save me a seat ok! Have a good weekend guys!

Current Music: I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love by Chicago

Killers' Paradise

Last night I was watching TV for a change and happened to catch this spine-chilling documentary about grotesque accounts of recent rapes and murders in Guatemala City. Apparently 573 women have been raped and killed between 2005 and 2006, it's on the rise in this particular area and there's nothing being done about it by the local Police or the government - how ridiculous is that? It was so sad to see the dead bodies of young women, some decapitated and some butchered to bits and left in the dumps to rot. No it didn't happen only to girls who go out at night or to girls who didn't have much of an education or to ones who didn't come from a secure family. They also killed Claudina who was a Uni student and one who came from an affluent family. She was at the wrong place at the wrong time and only 19yrs old. I switched the TV on half way through the documentary so I was not prepared to see such shocking scenes at all but yeah they showed it all. And this time I didn't get up and leave cos I wanted to hear the stories the families of these victims had to say and let me tell you it was very heart-breaking. I wanted to be a part of their grief and feel what they must feel right now. Some of the bodies were in coffins reading 'Name:XX' as they couldn't be identified and were buried with no family, not even a prayer. How sad is that...I just can't imagine that and when I saw such body bags being put into the graves, I murmured a little prayer in my heart - may her soul rest in peace..may her pain end now and be in the arms of the loving lord away from this cruel world. My mum and I watched with tears in our eyes.

It was horrific to even imagine that someone could really do that kind of thing to another human being. No one has the right to take another's will to live life. It's atrocious and it's beyond forgiveness. Some of the gangsters are in prison now and some are still walking scot-free. How fair is that for the victims and the families? Many victims' families were crying their hearts out saying none of the cases were followed up and investigated at all. That to me is sickening. Why are the governments and the Police of some countries not really doing their work, especially when the crime rate is this high and the nature of the crimes is this disgusting and going on for so long? I feel that alot of people in the relevant authorities have no value for human lives or are interested in really doing their jobs right..they just want the pay-slip and that's about it. These stories reminded me of the Priyadharshini murder case that Ishita and Southpaw have been voicing about and making an effort to make people realise that it's WE who have to bring justice to these innocent victims. We are alive and we can do something cant we? It may have been our friend, family member or colleague and how would that affect us then? I can't even go there. My dad was a Police Officer and was involved in investigating many murders and other serious crimes. I remember one night he had to go investigate the murder of a beauty queen in Sri Lanka. He came home that morning and told us that he can never forget the look on her face as she lay dead on the concrete floor...it cried out for only one thing...JUSTICE. Do we live in a world where killers have all the rights and victims have none? Where is the justice today? Stupid morons who sit on their ass doing nothing about these cases should be fired and human rights' activists should get together and implement their opinions to prevent such hideous crimes and to protect the communities. I know nothing can bring the dead back but atleast it will serve some justice to those who died unfairly at the hands of violence and to the families who will never really recover anyways. BTW this documentary struck a chord with me big time...life is too short to whinge or to be selfish - you never know when it'll be snatched from you or your loved-ones. After someone is gone, no point trying to say what you had to say before. So be happy always, do good, make others around you feel and know they are loved, and dance your cares away. Godspeed!

Current Music: No Promises by Shayne Ward

Midnight Caresses

Didn't I warn you of more scary pics from me, haha so here they come! Anyways guys I had another weekend full of fun. Sat morning we all went out for Yum Cha (my fav Chinese outing). The word ‘Yum Cha’ means to drink tea. The traditional custom originated in Southern China, where people would go to a ‘Tea House’ to drink tea. The custom has changed over time to become a ritual where friends meet at a restaurant for Yum Cha, usually in the morning/lunchtime and eat a variety of yummy Chinese dishes with green tea. At Yum Cha, dim-sim ladies present dishes on the trolleys. Customers then select their preferred dishes from the trolleys. Hope you've had Yum Cha too. My cousins' sweet kids came along too and they couldn't keep away from me as usual...'Keshi Aunty can we do this?', 'Keshi Aunty can we do that?', 'Keshi Aunty can we go shopping?', 'Keshi Aunty can we watch Futurama together?' etc etc etc. And there was no stopping on chatting continuously, sometimes without even breathing, sitting on my lap and pulling my cheeks etc etc etc hehehe. They were so sweet and addcitive! Anyways I managed to click some pics of them too from my phone - just attached 2 of em cos I cant attach all (will attach the rest in another post). This is 2 of my fav chatterboxes (you could say like Aunty like Niece/Nephew lol!). There's another very very cute 5yr old chatterbox-niece that I will intro to you guys in another post. She's a handful and calls me Sexy Girl. And there's another 3yr old rockstar nephew who goes 'Whyyyy...?' for every word you say and leave you at a dead-end for explanations.

So what did we do on Sat night? You're gonna kill me - yep we went Dancing again at the Docks :) - a popular nightclub at the Darling Harbour. Well this time there was a special reason why we went there. One of our friends (Kyle) is leaving to Hong Kong this weekend on a long-term work contract (and to earn big bucks) . Ekta and Anand, I was thinking how lucky Kyle is, cos he's going to be where you guys are. So a group of close friends and most of my cousins, decided to go out for drinks and dancing - as a farewell party for him. We had MEGA FUN alright. The music was sizzling and the crowd was even more sizzling! Ladies, there were some real hot guys dancing real good - I was watching them with so much admiration ahemmm. And guys, there were some real hot ladies that you'd pass out watching em dancing lol! Just go to that site and check out the pics - you will know what I'm saying. Anyways, we danced, strolled in the harbour a bit and then came home around 2:30am. I was so hungry when I came home so I had chicken and bread at 3am and I hit the bed straight away - now how unhealthy is that? Anyways woke up at 11am the next day - felt like an out-of-control teenager after a long time lol! I never did that sort of thing when I was a teenager (my dad would have shot me and then made a tombstone reading 'she died wanting to go to a nighclub'). But it all seems pretty good stuff to do once in a while. You wouldn't believe it even now when we friends go out, my mum makes sure some cousin brother or a well-known guy-friend is going along too duhhhh! oh mum Im a grown woman now - I know how to kick a guy if he suffers from sudden cranium loss - you know that (Keshi roll her eyes...).

Well when I came home that night, it was sooo quiet and while every soul in my town was fast asleep, I felt this unbelievable peace. Like I never felt that in a long while. Like that's just what I wanted but couldn't feel in a very long time. I was sitting on the living-room sofa, total silence around me, not a single whisper or even music that I cant live without. It was just me and the Midnight loving each other's company without even saying a word. It was pure bliss. I thought to myself am I a creature of the night? And then I realise hell I am! Cos I was born at 12:20am and I'm someone who can't sleep till very late (but hopeless in the mornings). And also, I love the moon, stars and the midnight skies - all that romantic night gear of the skies. The spell-binding magic of the silence of the deepest darkest nights. Daytime is full of clutter and my deepest senses are sleeping. But in the night, the awakening takes place. That's when my deepest senses caress me with their silken touch. That's when my soul really starts to wake up and wake me up too...that's when I can finally really have a long and uninterrupted conversation with myself. What time of the day do you feel one with your spirit?

Today's music is one of my favs ever. I can never ever get tired of this song, especially of the guitar sounds. This is the LIVE performance but the original is way better. I would have listened to it a zillion x zillion. Enjoy! btw I'm so busy at work but I promise you I'll be visiting your blogs soon ok? Thanks for putting up with my absence MWAHHH!

Current Music: Sultans Of Swing by Dire Straits