Silvara's wedding is proof to one of her closest dreams taking shape. We all have dreams but only few of them truly take shape in life. And when a dream comes true, we must celebrate it to the max. As a little girl, I dreamt of getting married too...some day to a Prince Charming, me wearing a white gown and a beautiful lacy veil, him looking at me longingly. ***Shock bell rings***. Yeah right, wake up Keshi! That teenagerish dream kind of died when I started meeting men LOL! It was like they were not Prince Charming, rather Prince Harming. So a wedding was out of the question for me, let alone a marriage! Ok I know there are great men out there too (I can hear all the yadda yadda yadda at the back) and that alot of women find their soulmates etc etc BUT - 'but' is a very BIG word you see :). So yeah, BUT, not every woman finds her soulmate as Silvara did (they have been in love for years and they have all the elements to prove it). Some women settle for any man just so that they own the 'married' tag. Now why am I saying this? Cos the following happened 2 nights ago:
I was talking on the phone to my fav cousin who lives overseas. We both grew up together since we were babies. We were just inseparable and we still are. We used to play, celebrate bdays together, knock on doors and hide, get in trouble, we even had dorky crushes at the same time in our lives, did sneaky things together behind our parents' backs etc etc. So you can imagine how close we are. She got married very very young. So when I was on the phone with her on a long happy chat, she said something that somehow upset me, though I didn't tell her that straight away. We were talking about another girl we used to know (she got married recently to a boy that her family didn't approve of), and suddenly my cuz said something like this: 'Atleast she's married'. I somehow didn't like that statement. What does that mean? Atleast she's married so she has a better status in life than a single woman like me does? So, I lack something major in my life? I somehow felt that's what she intended by that line - cos you know my instincts told me so. Now I know my cuz very well...she's married to someone she loved at the time, but her family didn't approve of it either. Now her relationship with him is not so great. Although they live peacefully at the moment, they really don't have a relationship. She even admitted to it...she told me that they are like flatmates and that's about it. And another cousin of mine who's got 2 young kids is on the verge of separation from his wife. And a close young friend of mine has a violent husband (the one I blogged about in the DV post). Another friend has a husband who don't even talk to her - they just exist under the same roof, that's what their marriage is all about! And another close friend got married recently, and his wife has already left him and gone back to India for good. Whoaa looks like I come from the Guiness Book's Divorce Community LOL! So has 'being married' helped her or the others I mentioned here to have a BETTER life than of a single person? I don't think so. I'm not laughing at her or demeaning her marriage or anyone else's, but I'm laying out straight facts on the table. We don't need to hide the thorns and make it sound like it's paradise when it's not. Marriage isn't a total fairytale either, it's hard work I agree, but if the marriage certificate is the only thing alive about it, then it's no use either. Marriage can only be real when there is true love, respect and understanding between the partners, like how Silvara and Evs, and some other friends here in my blog have it. Otherwise we don't need to be married...if you don't have those elements in your relationship, spare us all from the agony and please stay single people! That's what I'm doing btw :).
All in all, I got offended by what she said, no matter what. Now why did I get offended? Not cos what she said was true, but it made me feel sad that even my closest loved-ones look at me through the eyes of traditional beliefs and using senseless measures such as a man is a MUST in a girl's life for her to be valued. If she didn't mean it that way, then why did she say it? It somehow made me feel that she's hinting at me that being single is ridiculous or it means that something's wrong with me...and that being married (even if it's a bad marriage), is better than being single. I didn't say anything to her at that moment but just today I wanted to tell her how I felt about that statement of her's. You guys know that nothing can stop me from speaking my heart out, so I just had to do that or else I'd have gone mental thinking about it ***rolling eyes***. I wanted to let her know how I felt too. So I txted her. This is what I wrote
hey I was wondering about what you said last night about being married - the line 'atleast she's married'. Maybe you meant that for me too cos I'm still single? Here's my point...I don't think one has to be married to be successful in life. If marriage is so 'necessary' in life I can just go and get married to any guy out there. Life isn't all about finding just anyone to settle with. And look at our own family's marriages...are they all happy? I guess I'd rather be single all my life than be with the wrong man. Marriage must come with love, respect and understanding...not just cos I wanna be married. So if the right man don't come around, I'd be quite happy to remain single and independant. Just thought about it this morning...that's all. TC n HUGS!
I felt good telling her how I felt. Cos she just had to know. She then rang me later on and said that she didn't mean anything like that. So maybe she said that cos she doesn't know what marriage really is? I don't know, some people use words without thinking how they would affect the other person. Or maybe I'm just mad! o well Man or not, some day I plan to don the white dress and take some photos cos I'd just love to dress up as a bride. :) Actually, cos I'm such a big mushpot I better not have a wedding..cos if I did, I'd fill it with all the rosy romantic songs, colors and dances that the guests would be throttled with too much sook and would really wanna leave before lunch! BEWARE of a massive Mush attack if you're ever invited to Keshi's wedding! (I can picture Guests in anaphylactic shock due to a romance overdose). So yeah let me save some lives by being single. btw me and my cuz are ok. We just needed to be clear on this...I told her how I felt, that's all.
Today's music is for the beautiful couple Silvara and Evs. You 2 make us believe that there is true love out there indeedz and together you can make your dreams come true. I wish you both all the happiness in the world! Have a fantastic wedding on Sat babez MWAH! You're gonna look gorgeous I can't wait to see the pics! And HAPPY HONEYMOONING TOO ooh lala ;-)! Silvara here's my e-wedding-pressie for ya at Kama Sutra. LOL I know I'm such a lusty biatch! Just don't break your neck/back darling.