A Beautiful Rose

''Sparkling'' girl loved helping others

March 29, 2007 10:13 AM
By Amanda Carlin and Deborah Field

Gone too soon: Emma Hansen will be remembered for her smile and her community work. EMMA Hansen told her family she wanted to make every minute of her life count for other people. She had just begun a phone counselling course with Lifeline Sutherland and had volunteered in a Russian orphanage last year. Her parents Lynne and Mark, of Orange, said their daughter was ''altruistic'' and would always say ''I love you''.They did not have a chance to say goodbye to their eldest child, who was hit and killed by a car in Kogarah on Tuesday.The family has nominated LifeLine Sutherland as their chosen charity for people wishing to show their support. Donations can be made online or by calling 9522 7807 (Wednesday to Friday) or LifeLine Sydney on 9951 5577.Emma moved to Kogarah in 2005 and was in her second year of fashion design at St George College of TAFE.She had finished her half-day at TAFE and was walking back to her car around 11am when she was struck.Her parents were informed of the accident at 12.30pm and boarded a 1.30pm flight from Orange to Sydney.Emma died in St George Hospital, before they could arrive.``She was a very creative girl and would not hear a bad word about anybody,'' Mr Hansen said. ``She would always give you hugs and kisses and tell you she loved you.''Emma was about to launch her own fashion label and had begun millinery.Her mother was looking forward to attending popstar Pink's concert on May 1 with her daughter.Emma went to school with her brothers Simon, 18, and Martin, 17, who is still studying at Kinross Wolaroi School, Orange.Simon, an English teacher in China, flew back to Sydney yesterday afternoon to be with his grieving parents. Mr Hansen had last seen his daughter two weeks ago.TAFE friend Georgia Harwood, 20, said ``Emma's sparkling smile was contagious''.``If you'd seen her walk down the street she would have smiled at you,'' she said. ``If you'd been busking she would have emptied her pockets for you.''Pastor Daesop Yoon from the Mountain Hope Church in Orange said the Hansen family were extremely community-minded and giving. He described Emma as a ``beautiful'' and ``pure'' person.Assistant minister of St Luke's Church, Miranda, Graeme Howells said it had been a pleasure and a great privilege to have Emma in the congregation.He said she had a particular interest in working with children, and helped in the church craciêche twice a week.Kinross Wolaroi assistant principal Rodney Hancock said the school had been devastated by the loss of their former school prefect.The Hansen family thanked St George Hospital doctors and nurses for doing all they could.A funeral led by Pastor Yoon will be held in Orange tomorrow.

- Article taken from The Leader paper

20yr old Emma Hansen was struck by an out-of-control L-plater's car on Tuesday that killed her and seriously injured 11 others, including 2 babies. I didn't know her personally but now I know her...after her death. This horror crash happened in a place I shop around often. As the article above reads, Emma was someone who always wanted to help people and the steps she had taken to achieve that is amazing...in her very short life. Looking at how her life ended in such a shocking way and reading about what her last weeks on Earth were like, I wanted to ask this question from myself and all of you as well:

What were your last 2 weeks like? What did you do, who did you meet, what did you last say to someone you love? Did you kiss and hug enough? Have you patched up? Did you make plans for a getaway? Tell me, what were your last 2 weeks like?

Emma didn't know she was going to die, but her last 2 weeks seems full and peaceful to me. And yes she had many life plans, career plans and also plans to go to a PINK concert with her mum on the 1st of May. Now what were my last 2 weeks like? Alot of tears and alot of hard decisions made. So if I was in Emma's shoes on that fateful Tuesday, I'd have died a heart-broken girl. From today, I wanna make every single day count...every single day positive and happy...gonna kiss my blues away...not gonna make a fuss about things I don't have control of...just gonna be a cheerful presence to whoever I meet....gonna take risks...gonna be there for people. Cos moments on Earth are not forever.

Emma sweetheart I never knew you in life but I now know what a beautiful and rare rose you were to those who were around you. Gone too soon! This song is for your sparkling spirit.

Current Music: The Rose by Bette Midler

I Must Confess

My dearest darling sexy gorgeous loving adorable kissable sweet coochee coo hot and steamy MEN, that last post was prepared purely for fun. So chillax and don't take it to heart ok? To all the men out there..big HUGGGGGGGGGGZ all the way from Down Under! ;-)

Now here's some real news. I'm thinking hard about my blog-life these days. While I have met some awesome people and have grown so much in these 2 and half years or so, I feel that sometimes my very blunt nature is affecting some people in Blogville. I know that it's not my fault, it's really their problem, but what does that mean for the future? It means I won't be visiting those people's blogs anymore. Only cos I sense that they are irritated by my presence/comments and apparently it's affecting their personal lives too...God knows how! If someone can't take constructive criticism like a sport or understand a joke, then really they are not worth my time or effort. I can't lie or be sugary-sweet or be cautious all the time. I spill out what I feel and I try hard to do it in a nice and decent way. And if that too is not what you want, then I'm outta your lives. I really don't have time to deal with childish tanties. I have enough on my plate as it is and I come to Blogville for some loving and relaxation - not for dramas. My online friends-list is now shrinking rapidly from 100s to single digits (very few genuine friends). That's life ha! I believe that some friends are just known enemies. So right now I'm friendless and foeless - feels great though. Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that if all of a sudden I'm not in your blog (you know who you are), then this is the reason. And ofcourse I don't have time to visit all the blogs all the time, so this message isn't for those blogs that I love but don't have time to visit :). Nothing like a good ol Whinge ;-) thanks for listening!

Having said that, it's a Half-Nekked-Thursday WHOAAAAAAA!

Ok I'm not a fan of Miss.Spears' music but I cant deny liking this particular song - one from her most innocent days. It's got a catchy rhythm and a nice beat to it. And yeah I just confessed so Happy Thursday guys!

Current Music: One More Time by Britney Spears

Current Music Update: Chand Sifarish from the Hindi movie Fanaa

Rocket Science

The following items seem to be incomprehensible to the XY chromosome.

**Staying faithful
**Telling the truth
**Shifting ass off the couch
**A day without the Sports channel
**48hrs without sex
**20secs without thinking about sex
**Not talking to a woman's boobs
**Failing to get a quick and fully-covered glimpse of a woman's ass
**A No-Heineken Friday night
**Unhooking a bra
**Tears
**Admitting another guy's good looks
**Keeping things where they belong
**A pretty smart woman
**The fact that clothes need to be washed
**Marriage
**PMS needs
**Cooking without burning down the house
**Shopping
**Listening to a woman's rightful whinge
**And understanding it
**Not fantasising about every woman on Earth!



And they claim us women to be aliens urghhhh!

Now here's a list of what Life is all about:

**Shoes, clothes, accessories etc etc
**Crying every now and then
**Sweet kisses, not molesting
**Shopping the whole day
**The many shades of Pink
**Babies and coochee coos
**Fresh flowers
**Anniversary surprises,ahemm!
**Yakking
**Desperate Housewives
**Some harmless bitching
**Bling bling
**Keeping the place clean
**Exercising Flirting Rights
**Fragrant rooms and clean bed-spreads
**An occasional headache which ofcourse is caused by men!

Got anything to add girls? Men you can join in too, oh alrite then! (rolling eyes here...).


Current Music: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Pissed Off

I had a very relaxing weekend. Did nothing much except cleaning, scrubbing, vaccuming, dusting, washing, cooking, eating, watching movies and chilling out with mum and sis. On Sunday afternoon though, I was sitting out in the balcony and thinking how self-obsessed some people are - yeah cos I had time this weekend to think about such things :). In their eyes and minds, everyone else is wrong, everyone else carries the blame, everyone else needs to be punished. They don't take a moment to stop and think that the fault might be actually in them. While others can be wrong too, I always think that if someone said something about me, it maybe because of something that I did - irrespective of the nature of my deed. We can say and do alot of things that the rest of the world may interpret in many different ways. It's really upto them to see it the way they want to. But can we blame them for that? NO. Maybe we can criticise their opinion but BLAMING them is an entirely different thing. I always believe that whatever happens to us is due to our own actions and the various opinions that follow could be just anything. I can fight with people and say no you're wrong about me etc...but I can never blame them, can I? It's like blaming McDonalds for gaining weight. Perhaps if you stop going to Maccas everyday, you'd address the real cause of your problem - that'd be YOU, GOING THERE.

I believe that people who always choose to blame someone else for their own misfortunes are people who can't get over themselves...people with a mighty unhealthy ego...people who are so self-obsessed that they can't see anything beyond themselves. Seriously such people piss me off. And it's hard to ignore them too..rather hard to ignore their arrogance. Certainly that kind of arrogance is no attraction at all...it's a BIG turn-off btw. So I want to say this to such people: 'Get over yourselves. You may be right (/wrong) but if you can't admit that you're the one to be blamed for your own actions, then don't conveniently put it on someone else. Cos it's not going to cure the root cause of your problems. And the root cause of all your problems is YOU. Fix yourself or handle the opinions like a sport or just piss off'.

I am where I am today because of my own actions. I hear what I hear about me because of my own actions. I see myself the way I see myself because of my own actions. I am the cause of I.

Meanwhile I'd just grit my teeth and continue working, cos prison is not a sensible option right now neither is the jumpsuit sexy.



Current Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

A Greek Escape

Can you guess which one is me in this pic? duhh there's enough evidence LOL! I'm one of the 3 girls here and the others are 2 of my dearest and nearest friends (this pic was taken on a Winter's night on my bday) - we 3 have been friends for a very long time. No bitching or no back-biting between us. We are the forever kinda friends. The kind that can pick up from where you left last, even if that means we are meeting after a million years. The kind that grow old together. The kind that value each other for who they are and not for what they have. And we don't even have to put in any extra effort to be that way. I guess that's what true friendship is about. Being naturally connected and staying that way without having to try. I miss S and K right now cos they are both far away from me at the moment - physically only, not mentally. God bless all my friends!

Friday question: If you were to catch a taxi right now and go to the airport, and catch any flight to anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

For me it would be a flight to Greece. I wanna just forget everything, everyone, every memory from here atleast for a little while and capture the beauty of Greece's blue blue seas and golden sands...I wanna bask in it's serenity and live a world away from some haunting memories. I wanna get away to a place where I have noone telling me I should live the way they want me to or speak what they prefer to hear. Everyone is a control-freak. Is anyone out there perfect? If you are then just make sure you record yourself in the Guinness Book. Is it really that difficult to leave others alone without having to flaunt your selfishness on them? I wanna just be. Just Greece, the sea and me.

Have a good one guys!

Current Music: Sultans Of Swing by Dire Straits

Made On Earth

I have a purpose in this world, I do. Although it doesn't come explained to me in a neatly printed document, I think my instincts tell me what it is...what it should be. I may not be as lucky as the girl next-door who fell in love and found her man or my friend who earns big bucks or my Granma who lived to see her great-grand-children or the neighbour who's got a great body and perfect health...I am just who I am. None of what others have would make me me. What I have and what I don't have is who I am. And with that I shall serve my purpose. Just like the trees serve us a purpose, just like the ocean never complains of being alone, just like the air does it's job with contentment, just like the sand don't whinge about our footsteps, just like the birds sing without fear, just like the sun never gets tired of rising, just like the moon shines beautifully, just like the rivers keep flowing, just like the bugs keep busy, just like the cactus standing strong, just like the fish keep swimming, just like the flowers giving fragrance and beauty, just like the dewdrop being unafraid to vanish, just like the stars appearing in the night, just like the rain paying a cool visit, just like the clouds floating in grace...my purpose on Earth shall be naturally driven activism no matter what. Love, strength, energy, courage, hope, trust, elegance, passion, devotion and contribution to the Earth, society and life is our purpose here. Any given job should be done with love, passion and determination. Nature does it's job without any complaints or expectations. We should too with whatever we have been given. We are all made on Earth and devotion to it and it's well-being would be the rent you pay for living on this Earth.

Giving Peace a chance:
Remember my friend who got her knickers twisted cos I cancelled dinner? I'm sure you all know her by now and of the major drama that was going on for weeks. Well guess what? Since sweet Lee asked me to make peace with my Cousin T yesterday, it dawned on me maybe I should try that trick on my friend, and I did. I sent her an email (after many weeks of silence between both of us) saying just this 'Wanna give PEACE a chance?'. That's all I said. She immediately replied saying 'yes, I was thinking of u too, how's it going K?'. Now how cool is that? :) Thanks Lee, your brilliant advice got us together again! PEACE does work (anger doesn't do a thing but continue to rot your heart) and Peace is the only way. Now with my cousin-T, I really don't know what I'd do yet. Let's give it some more time and see what happens. I'm not sure if she'd take it the same way as my friend did. People are different you see. Somehow I sensed my friend would reply in peace but I don't have that same feeling with cousin-T. I don't know why. Maybe cos I know she's an egoistic I'm-always-right-so-lets-go-back-to-what-happened-that-day-and-fight-again kinda person. So until she finds inner peace, I can't approach her, not yet. I want to end this post with the following brilliant quote taken from Fergal's last post.

INNER PEACE
WORLD PEACE

Now here are the lyrics of the song Imagine by John Lennon - one my favs ever. Watch the Youtube video done by someone for this song...it's just fantastic!


Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Current Music: Imagine by John Lennon

God's Equipment

Right now my family is going through a very tough time. My mum's youngest brother is facing a real difficlut situation in NZ and awaiting a decision that will change his life significantly. We are all praying for him and hoping so much that things will turn out good for him. He's the youngest in my mum's family of 7 brothers and sisters. He's quite handsome, always wants to look good and owns a golden heart. He helped alot of his sisters and brothers when he could - that was when he was well-off few years ago. His 42yr old wife suddenly died of Cancer 2yrs ago, leaving him and his 3 young daughters behind in total disbelief and pain. He used to hold a great job in the Middle-East but he left all that and came to NZ looking for a better future for his family. But things didn't work out all that well for him in NZ. His many brothers and sisters did help him whenever they could but each time I went to NZ for a break, I sensed that he was being cornered and laughed at by some of the family members. He wasn't that respected, neither was he loved all that much. Maybe cos right now he's not so well-off as the others? Maybe cos he was a man who had his life totally screwed up for no fault of his own? Maybe cos he's not as rich as everyone else in this family is? Maybe cos he's not holding an executive position like the others? Maybe cos he didn't own a fancy house or a flashy car or a fat bank balance? Maybe cos he wasn't someone 'useful' to hang around with? Maybe cos he is too kind to tell people off? Maybe cos...ok I'm crying now.

I didn't want to write this post at all. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings in case my relatives read this post some day. But people who didn't treat him nice know who they are. And deep down my heart I know that I love my uncle V with all my heart and I have always did the best I could do for him. Whenever I went to NZ, I always visited his place and met up with him, I even cooked him lunch last time, I always gave him money when I didn't have that much to give ( I don't equate money to love but he needed it badly), I went with him to buy a car for him and helped him out to choose it etc, I invited him for a party I held at my cousin's place when some people didn't want him there (yes it's true)...he sensed that and while I still wanted him to come, he didn't turn up. It's so hard for me to say all this cos it cuts like a knife when I realise how insensitive some people can be. I'm not saying that family should back him up all the time but what wrong has he done to deserve so much contempt from others? I think his only fault here is that he's not so well-off compared to the rest of his family and he became a bit of a burden and a shame to some people. It's really not his fault but that's how others saw him. But I always saw him as my darling Uncle V who bought me my first talking doll Helen. Yeah he was a man who always GAVE...never TOOK anything in return. But times changed and now it's our turn to give. I guess alot of people didn't see it that way.

The trouble he is in right now need alot of money to be sorted out. Some very rich aunts in my family bluntly refused to contribute even a cent. Trust me one of my aunts is pretty loaded and she's the one who was the first to refuse to HELP. It's ok cos I have me to help him. My mum, sis, myself and one other dear aunt finally funded it. We had to ask everyone if they wanted to help cos it was not a small amount that he needed and I believe team spirit goes along way. But no one called back except for 2 of my dearest cousins who always help people. The rest didn't even reply to my email...shows how busy some people are with their own lives that they can't think beyond themselves. I agree everyone has problems, bills, rent, fees, mortgages etc etc but when someone who's worse off than you are is in trouble we need to stop on our tracks and help that person. It's not the money at all, but where's the love and compassion? If I compare my wealth to some of my family members' wealth, I'd be somewhere at the very bottom. But hey I believe I have a wealthy heart and I'm richer for that. Cos if I didn't have that kind of heart, I'd really be nothing. Lusting and acquiring money that can never be used on a good cause will only corrode one's heart beyond repair.

I'm not trying to get sweet comments from everyone about the help I do. All I'm trying to say is that there's nothing more divine than helping someone in need. When I help someone I never expect anything in return and I don't remind that person that I have helped them etc etc. Cos this is how I see it. I see myself as a tool in God's toolkit. He's using me to do His job. Do tools ever say to you 'I helped you therefore you should be grateful for the rest of your life'? Do tools ever expect anything in return for the service they do to you? Do tools leave you when you don't have nothing? Do tools calculate and keep scores? Never. We are all God's equipment when it comes to helping one another. So don't ever praise yourself for any help you do and don't ever mention it to the person you help. Just be glad you have a wealthy heart in this very very troubled world. Do you have it?

Tonight is going to be a very tough night. I'm wishing my uncle V all the very best and I hope God's looking his way. I need your prayers and good vibes tonight guys. This post was a very hard one to do, so please bear with me if you can't make much sense out of it.

Who's gonna pick you up,

When You fall?

Who's gonna hang it up,

When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention,

To your dreams?

And who's gonna plug their ears,

When you scream?

Current Music: Drive by The Cars

Untold Stories

I really don't wanna bring Mr.Darcy up in my blog again but I'm compelled to, now that alot of you have asked me why I can't be just friends with him. You remember my last post about Mr.Darcy? Well in that last post I didn't mention one little thing that you should know of. (Those of you who don't know the whole Mr.Darcy story, please read the following old posts, that is only if you are looking for some good comedy - Mr.Darcy Meets Keshi, The Happiness Of The Pursuit, A Cinderella Story and Love Stinks in that order please). After the grey-matter-less reasons he gave for not wanting to carry on any further, he said one more thing that sliced my confidence in humanity into 7 billion pieces. Not cos I loved him (duh!) but cos I lost all faith I had in human civilisation due to those very words he said. It was beyond belief that a guy who claimed he's crazy about me could really say something that heartless, rather dim-witted. I was not prepared to write it down here in my blog at that time. Cos I was probably in some romantically-induced anaphylactic shock (did I spell that right?) at the time people. So my sincere apologies for keeping you in the dark for so long. Ok now I can see so many people going 'Cut the crap and get on with it Keshi, we wanna know what he did, before the dawn of 2008 if possible'. OK so here's what happened:

After he gave his pathetic excuses for the break-up (I really don't wanna call it a break-up cos it only lasted 7days and I wasn't hooked on him either...so what should I call it guys, hiccup?), I told him that it's really ok cos I see no point in carrying on with someone who can't make decisions for himself, and also cos his so-called Love for me wasn't Love at all. The No-Frills Romeo was devastated to hear that from me so he goes 'It's not that I don't like you but like my parents and sis say, I'd have more time with someone much younger than me...so why should I get someone who's the same age as I am when I can get someone 7yrs junior perhaps (that indicates an underage schoolgirl for sure). btw I'm really sorry for hurting you by saying that'. Boy o boy I puked a Nile river at that very minute and felt like shooting myself to get out of the shock. Seriously, are most men as thick as that? I mean younger women buying them more time? C'MON! You can only live as long as YOUR heart keeps beating. And what if your very young wife dies from some accident way before you die? LOL ok, anyways that was not what really really shocked me...wait on, I haven't even got to that point yet. So when he txted me saying that, I was bloody annoyed that I'm letting some dude really speak to me like that. I then said to him that what he said didn't bother me at all, cos such words come out of insensitive people. And he apologised and said that he felt like a jerk blah blah blah (hello 'felt like'? You are a certified jerk). Then I said it's Ok and that we must end this whole big drama on a 'friendly' note for the good of everyone. Guess what he said then? Just guess. I knew it that you wouldn't be able to guess it...cos what he said was out of this world...such thoughts probably don't exist even in the planet of Apes. This is what he said. Now drum roll please...drrrrr drrrr drrrrrrrrrrrrrrr drr drr drr!

'I have 2 conditions for you if we are to remain as friends...1. If and when I find a partner you can't be jealous about it and create probs for us.

2. You can't associate me as a friend thinking that I might change my mind on this decision and go out with you again'.

GO FIGURE!

If someone was saying that to you when you have just broken up with him/her, what would your immediate thought be? Mine was quite suicidal man. While I do understand that he may have concerns about being friends with me, what kind of guy would say that to a girl he had just broken up with? I mean it's not great timing is it LOL! It's like pushing her off the cliff and then shooting her as she falls down. And he's already thinking about his next GF? What a joke! I was jaw-dropped for few mins before I could answer that txt cos I was in big big trauma here. My mum walked into the room that minute and saw my frozen self with a fully-opened mouth, with a mobile in her hands, looking like a statue in horror. She looked at me and asked me if I'm dead and then walked away LOL! Cos really guys, I couldn't believe anyone with that kind of a deranged conscience...worse, for Keshi to have dated someone like him! That makes me a fully certified mental patient...not that I had much doubts about that but hey I didn't know I would put myself through THAT - that kind of gunk. I don't deserve that but hey what can I do...cos the damage was already done, and there I was with my mobile phone in my hands reading that txt again and again, hoping so pathetically for it to be from some alien from Pluto who txted me in between this convo. Well no such luck, it was from Mr.Darcy himself. Guess what I told him after the trauma ceased to exist? Blasted him till he shitted in his schoolboy-shorts and asked him who he thinks he is...whether he dreams of all the girls on this Earth chasing after him. And I told him that he aint gonna have any trouble from me cos Im not the kind of girl who'd fall for someone as pathetic as he is. He was dumb-founded at that comment from me and I think I heard him sob, really. Cos he whined to me saying Keshi how can you say something so cruel etc etc. And then we ended the whole convo by wishing each other good luck (good luck with his grey-matter growth that is). That was 3 months ago. And since that day he has been a ghost to me - in my world, he's dead. He lacks self-confidence and respect for others. I don't believe in such people.

Friendship is not a pre-designed road-map. It doesn't come with well-identified street names, routes and destinations. And it certainly doesn't have a designated driver. In friendship we are all equally responsible and in control of it.

So now you tell me, does he even deserve my friendship?

Current Music: In The End by Linkin Park

A Blue Hello

Guess what guys? Guess who txted me just now after a very long silence (ever since that last day we txted each other and ended it). Just guess guess guess guess? Mr.Darcy, OMG! What do I do now, should I reply and how?

He goes:

'Hey Kesh how r u? Long time no hear. Sorry for da late SMS. Was doing 45hr week days with Uni and it was very hectic. M back to my part-time work. Hows da new place? TC and spk soon. M heading to Uni now.'

Guess what guys...when I received that txt just now my heart felt like it was just being pierced real hard. Don't ask me why! It's really strange, maybe cos I thought that last time we txted each other it was a GOODBYE for life - he hurt me big time. Now give me some real quick advice. Is this trouble waiting to happen?

Current Music: Bye Bye Bye by NSync

Shoe Business

Shoe me the way baby cos you're my Caribbean queen! Right now she is. Ok so what did I get up to this weekend? I shoed...I mean I sho-e-pped for shoes and got this beautiful black baby for $80. What say girls? I love em loads. Guess what these shoes are called? EXTACY. Not a party drug, it's just a pair of shoes, o chillax! Now why do I love shoes so much? Well the very first reason being I'm a WOMAN, need I explain any further? I think I still would have to explain, considering the fact that there are loads of people who don't even own a single pair of shoes (cos I can see some of my readers going 'shame on you Keshi for spending so much money on shoes when there are so many shoe-less people on this Earth blah blah blah). Shoooooooo! Let me just explain my very valid 'other' reasons for it then. I simply love shoes, I can afford them and while I don't buy a new pair every sho-e-cking month, I love to keep up with the trends. While shoes is not a way to judge a person, I think what your feet wear expresses who you are to a certain extent. Don't you think? So when you are choosing a pair of shoes (be it any style, color, material, brand etc) you are expressing yourself. I dress to the occasion (atleast I try hard to) so I wear comfy shoes to work (Manolos etc), joggers for outdoors, stilettos for parties, killing-me-softly-with-those-straps-n-heels kinda shoes for weddings, no-shoes for driving shhhhh!, sandals for beach, flats for shopping, Roman-straps for a hot event ooh lala, etc etc etc. One other thing...I don't like cheap shoes. They wreck my feet, wear-out soon, usually are a rip-off, can never be exchanged/returned, and so not worth the drama. Therefore I always try and get something that's quality. I value the after-sales service as well, hell I do.

Basically you can look at someone's shoes and figure out what sort of person he/she is, atleast to a certian extent. I'm not saying you can tell who they are 100%, but you can atleast say what kind of personality he/she owns. It does depened on what the occasion is too. I consider a girl wearing thigh-high boots ( I call em slut-boots) hot, fashionable, bold and gutsy. Someone who wears Sandals to work, a simple and relaxed chick. Someone who wears Manolos, a fashionista ;-). Someone who wears feet-killing stilettos to shops, a bimbo. Someone who wears thongs to a formal party, a person with no sense of style at all. Believe me I have seen people wearing thongs to parties. I know that each one of us have our own freedom to wear what we want, but to wear thongs to a party/wedding is just not accepted - ah ah a big NO! What about the beach? I have seen some people walking around in high-heels in the sand. It would make a good horror flick, to say the least. Title would be 'RIP Common Sense'. What about someone who wears joggers for an executive job interview? I say it's being unprofessional and there's a big chance of not getting the job (unless ofcourse the interviewer himself is a jogger maniac). What about men's shoes? Well I don't know much about men's shoes except that I have noticed some blokes wearing rather large shoes...I mean SHOE SIZE of a man does tell me something and I have Cazzie's table to figure out the details haha! If the shoe fits, wear it ;-).

Your shoes do make an impression, whether you like it or not. It sho-e-s alot about you if you didn't already know. Wear what you like, what you're comfortable with, and most importantly dress to the occasion. Got any shoey thoughts from your side of the world people? And oiii men, what's your shoe-size? LOL!

Have a sho-e-delicious week ahead then!

Current Music: Caribbean Queen by Billy Ocean

Keshiology Results

Subject: Keshiology
Professor In Charge: Keshi J Ology, Phd in Flirtology and Hunkology
Institution: University of Bloggerdale, Down Under
Marking Scheme: Thesis Level (no 100% RIGHT answers here except for the car Qn to which the answer was Metallic Silver. Therefore, marks were given based on the highest accuracy value of each answer given. For eg you may have given a completely wrong answer to one question but still got a HD based on the way you have replied to some other questions. And for those who have partially answered/not answered at all, they may have most probably been given a Pass, reason being you still took part in the post).

Re-marking possibilities: Not a chance my distinguished students.

Results:

Higher Distinction (CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE OUTSTANDING!)
Aidan
Aditi
Ammu
Amy

Autumn
Cheesy
Dharma
Eclipsed
Ishita
KK
Murane
Purnima
Rick
Silvara
Southpaw
Sunrise
Uttara
Vinay

Distinction (CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE BRILLIANT!)
Akshay
Bev
Chocolte
Desperado
DNA
Jay
Jeevan
Life
Menchie
Nadim
Poo
Samy
Shionge
Shitrint
Starry
Vikas


Credit (CONGRATULATIONS YOU DID WELL!)
Ash
Diva
Fleiger
Ganesh
Geet
LaVida
Lidia
MG
Niv
Pradeep
Priya
Rose
Srijith
Tarun


Pass (CONGRATULATIONS A GOOD EFFORT!)
Alex
Asha
Calabar
Cazzie
Dawn
Dickeybird
Dinma
Ekta
Fuzzbox
HasToBeMe
Iceman
Kalpana
Margie
Niki
Outdoorsy
Pecos
Phos
Priti
RamaG
Seema
Shiva
Shammu
TK

Fail (CONGRATULATIONS WOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO ATTEND THE GRADUATION CEREMONY!)
Anonymous (one with the Shark comment)

Fail with no sign of redemption (CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST PROVED THAT SCIENTISTS HAVE EXCELLENT SPECIMEN FOR GENETIC-MUTATION STUDIES!)
Anonymous abuse commentor with zilch embroynic nurtrition that has lead to zilch cranium.

You called me an egoistic bitch who wants to be 'humped' by every Indian guy? Well you have done real proud to India just by that self-degrading comment alone. Sending my deepest academic condolences to your parents, family, friends and any further genetic links that you may create for having to put up with the 'cell-dead' YOU. You may start again at Kindy if admission allowed .

ALL of you except those who are in the last 2 categories passed - WELL DONE guys and THANK YOU for taking part. You guys ROCK! I had so much fun reading all of your answers :). Most of you seem to know me well and I should say I'm quite amused at that hehe. Now here are some highlights - meaning some of the very cool/witty/deep/clever lines (not necessarliy correct about Keshi) from some of you smarties out there.

**Leopard, sleek and beautiful, powerful and strong, and you don't change your spots - in other words, you are true to yourself. by Autumn

** Positively ballistic! by Nadim

** Where did you get all those pics of my sexy legs girl? by Caz

** Cyclic...basically ur a DRAMA QUEEN. by Samy

** A complete one. by Srijith

** Walk away and not look back. by Aditi

** Demanding, yet compromising. by Shitrint

** If something happens wrong in the world, u would be the person to give voice. by Jeevan

** I know you and that is everything to me. by Alex

** If it ignites can you stop? by Priya

** I don't know any other man from the celebrity world but me. by Murane

** I kinda have an image of you soaring in the skies. by Geet

** Perfect for your perfect man. by Desperado

** You are a Rock Dolly! by Rick

** Boiling in oil comes to mind together with emasculation not necessarily in that order. by Menchie

** Mainly you are positive and realistic, until it comes to the fact you are very pretty. by Bev

** Someone you cant catch on easily, but everyone is desperate to hold you by your ears. by Eclipsed

** You would be great, both in life and all the other places you mentioned. by Ganesh

** A rabid volverine, because you are marked by extreme enthusiasm for, and intense devotion to a cause or an idea. by Pradeep

** U r generally insane. by Uttara

** Seems like u would get along with his abs. by Chocolte

** The kind your kids would want their friends to meet. by Starry

** Nope, not unless God or parents werent watching. by Aidan

** 10. Can I count? No, you forgot ten. by DNA

** You have favs in this category? by MG

** Well since I'm a gorgeous-lovey-dovey-hunk-with-brains I would hope so. by Jay

**Gotta have a beach there and definitely not that remote coz we'd need to have u put in a blog or two. by Ishita

**Roast me, Bake me, Kill me. by Akshay

**When my undy is on Fire i will run behind you and make sure even ur undy is on fire cos i need company. by Poo

**A nagging but a loving mom, nagging as in scrutinizing those angels for small small things. by Southpaw

**High school???? by KK

** You'd be a good mother because it shows that you are concerned when you ask this question. by Life

** Continue to dream coz dreams do come true. by Shionge

** What it reflects to light. by Shiva

**Kinky and hottie when times call for it and u will be miss sweetie when time calls for it. by Amy

** Since red is for those who are full of zest, energy and who think and talk quickly. by Diva

** Someone who tells them to always listen to their heart. by Niv

** Or if you couldn't do that, like me, you'd shoot him. by Silvara

** In bed domintaing , on sofa teasing , becnhtop wild , shower daam good. by Vikas

** You'll probably be one of thsoe who wants their daughter as their best friend and who your son's friends have crushes on. by Lidia

** Kangaroo - exotic and fun. by LaVida

** I think you can, you counted us all into your lives.. and let us be.. dont ya? by Purnima

** Are u collecting data to re-write/revise The Kama Sutra? by Tarun

** You, him, ocean, skinny dipping. by Rose

** The kind whose one touch can turn the guy on. by Sunrise

** Rock Pole Dancer-chan. by Niki

** Water and Sun. by Cheesy

**Voracious, insatiable, unstoppable. by Dharma

Some brilliant minds there! btw thanks for the ANIMAL answers - so you get to see my many moods in today's post pictures (there are far too many I couldn't include it all!). I did this post in my lunch-break...I'm so very busy today. So what are your plans for the weekend guys? I'm hoping to be sober and alive this weekend! Have a good one yous and TC. MWAH!


Current Music: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

You On Me

Ok I presume that most of you regular bloggers here know me a fair bit now...atleast well enough to answer some questions about ME that I'm about to ask YOU. Aint this gonna be real fun, ooh lala! Ok so here's the deal. I will be asking you 15 questions which you should answer with the help of the knowledge and understanding you have about me. Easy peasy right? So stop looking like you're about to be pushed over the Harbor Bridge. And guys now please be honest with your answers. So here I go:


1. If I was an animal, what would I be and why?
2. Will I sleep with a gorgeous-lovey-dovey-hunk-with-brains on a first date?
3. If you were my man and you cheated on me and I found out, what would I do to ya?
4. What's the color of my car?
5. Do I still dream of an Elvis look-alike hubby, a lil house on the prairie, 6 cute kids and a Peach garden at the back (rolling eyes here...)?
6. What kind of Honeymoon destination would suit me?

7. Am I generally negative/positive/realistic/ballistic whatever?

8. Who's my ideal man from the celebrity world (I mean for a HOT date, not for studying Anthropology over Peppermint tea!)?

9. Would I like to be spanked/hand-cuffed/blind-folded (when playing Kindy that is ahemm!)?

10. Can I count? NO. (Discovered by All of you)

11. When was the last time I kissed a man on lips (not a Drawing..a real one)?

12. What are some of my favorite swear words?
13. What kind of mother will I be (I'm seriously dreading my kids' mental stability)?

14. Am I a Rock chick or a country Dolly?

15. What kind of partner will I be (I mean in bed, on the sofa, kitchen benchtop, shower etc etc...lol ok you know I didnt mean that)?


Good luck!

Current Music: Nights In White Satin by The Moody Blues

Um Ba Ba Bay

Just yakking here about my very tragic life. Guess what happened on Sat guys? Nah I wasn't in some terrible car accident and I'm not blogging from hospital with my whole body bandaged like a Mummy and my feet still wearing those sexy stilettos. Now hang ten till I tell you what happened. Well on Sat some friends came over to spend the whole day at my place. Since I live 10mins away from the beach, after lunch we all drove down to the beach...it was really nice weather and the beach looked sizzling HOT. So we walked along the shore on the water and that was really nice. I enjoyed it like a kid would (but then who said I'm not a kid ha). Now are you thinking some deranged Stingray got my foot or some cranky Crab bit my toe? Not at all, just wait a little bit more to hear what really happened ok. We were hanging out at the beach till about 9pm...cos the weather was awesome. And cos my mum, aunt (from NZ) and sis joined us only around 8pm. Anyways later on we were getting hungry and we headed home. On the way back my friend S brought up a very 'smart' idea - yeah the smartest ever. Since S and I are quite sensitive to Alcohol and won't take more than 2 drinks at a party, S thought that it would be fun to get heavily-drunk and see how we react to alot of alcohol - just for the heck of it you know. I was game for it cos I really wanted to test my alcohol-potential being the crazy dudette that I am. Ok I know it aint a joke but we were gonna do it only just this time and we are both adults and also there was no harm since we were gonna do it in the privacy of our home. So on the way back we bought a big bottle of pure Vodka (Petrovska). We headed home straight and drank glass after glass, 5/6 each, without much of a break in between (with Tonic and lemon ofcourse). What happened after that was an experience in HELL. Nah I didn't die cos if I did die this post should come from a PC in God's Drunk-Girls' Prison Office but this is coming from my office here in Sydney. So chill. I'll soon tell you what happened, just before I nearly died that is.

My mum had no idea we were having 5 glasses each - shhhhh don't tell her now. After the 5th round, S and I started giggling really uncontrollably. My mum and aunt thought we were going a little insane and that we need to be admitted into the nearest mental hospital if possible. But I assured my mum that we were ok...and that we were just laughing at some jokes. And then S went to the kitchen to have her dinner cos she was hungry. I followed her dancing a little bit and then she asked me to have dinner. I wasn't hungry so I didn't have any food (that was a big mistake - not having any food after so much alcohol). S had dinner and we were laughing all the while for no reason. I thought her shorts were funny (when they were not) and kept on pointing at them and laughing. She too laughed non-stop and then it was time for her to go home. So she left with her husband who didn't have any alcohol cos he was driving back that night. What a wonderful husband ha? But he's never seen both of us drunk like this before so he was pretty amused at our dorky behavior. Anyways as soon as they left I hit the bed in those same clothes I was wearing that evening ( I usually don't go to bed without taking a shower and changing). I wanted some real GOOD sleep straight away!

When I went to bed I was still feeling ok though - not sick or anything, just a little tipsy you know. However I woke up in the middle of the night - around 2am feeling like my head has been jig-saw-puzzled and various pieces of it were everywhere on air! Like my brain was near the Dressing-Table styling herself, the skull was floating above my face laughing at me, the grey matter have vanished into thin air, my hair was in some permanent electric shock etc etc. Yes it was that bad. My head was spinning as if it was in some cross country motor-racing competition. I was like WTH is happening to me and where the Hell am I? I was feeling so sick and my head was as heavy as a bus full of Sumo wrestlers and my Eyes seemed to be walking around the corridor singing Sha lala lala - not funny at all Eyes. My body was kind of floating in some distant place perhaps Madagascar. I didn't know what was going on cos I have never gone past 2 drinks before. This was really bad and I thought I'd die that night. I really did wonder if I was dead. Cos it felt like my whole body and mind was in various pieces now, and that I had to catch em all and put em together if I'm to be alive again. Now that would be quite a task ha, I'd rather be dead guys. I felt HORRIBLE. I wanted to vomit but I couldn't and that was even worse. I then wanted to go to the loo - you think I could get up? There was not a chance. For a moment I thought maybe I'll never walk again (I was picturing myself in a purple wheelchair), I was terrified. I somehow had to get my ass off the bed and go to the loo. Cos I could see my Bladder's grave before mine reading 'RIP Keshi's Bladder' - I was busting real bad. But I just couldn't get up! So I reluctantly slept a little bit more and then woke up again after about 20mins. Then I managed to touch the walls and go to the loo...I was swaying between left and right in the corridor as I walked into the toilet (it did feel like a nice dance to do at the next party to the song 'Sway' by Michael Buble). While in the toilet, I was thinking so hard why there was no TV. Bleh!

The next morning was HELL's HELL. I couldn't get out of bed at all...but thank God it was Sunday. Ah ah not so lucky girl...guess what, mum and sis had planned to take my aunt to a far away Buddhist temple and I had to go too. Damnnnit! It was so hard getting out of bed as I was feeling puking sick and I badly wanted to throw up. But I couldn't even bloody vomit. It was not happening for some reason. I then had black coffee and said a little prayer - something like 'God please let me vomit before I have to call a Help-Me-Vomit doc'. Well God was so mad at me He didn't answer my prayers at all. I had to take a quick shower (hoping I wouldnt' collapse in the shower) and go along with sis, mum and aunt to the temple feeling really sick...yes to the temple, like an alcoholic about to witness God's wrath. Mum blasted me knowing I had 5 drinks that night. I had to somehow tell her that we were on a mission to find out what happens when we are totally trashed and that I dont intend to do it ever again, cos I feel like I've been to HELL and back (though I wasn't so sure if I was back yet). She was like 'you better not do that sort of thing ever again Keshi - it's not a joke, you could have harmed yourself and you look like an idiot now...you bring a bad name to yourself' blah blah blah. I was like ok ok mum I'm not a baby and I know what I'm doing and it was ONLY for fun etc etc. In the car it was another kind of HELL altogether. Cos I was seated at the front while my sis drove. Mum and 2 of her sisters were at the back. And you think it's all a nice cosy lil happy family trip? awwww...you're dead-wrong cos they were yakking like crazy and that was driving me up Hell's thorny walls. I couldn't tell them to be quiet cos that would be rude. But they were some pretty noisy sisters man! All the way to the temple I had my head held low and thinking what a big mistake I made. S thanks for your terrific idea mate I felt like shit for 24 bloody hours, hope you're alive. And I heard S threw up in the car and collapsed in her toilet that night.

Question: Why do some people get addicted to alcohol when it's a sick monster?
Lesson: Keshi and Alcohol can never be consenting mates.
Next Mission: A Man. Any 'limits' that I should know of?

Um ba ba bay

Um ba ba bay

Dee day duh

Ee day duh... ... ...


Current Music: Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie

1300-Dial-HELP

That was a foolish thing to do Dan! That's what I uttered when I got the news about my close friend's shocking Suicide few years back. Initially I was shocked beyond belief that such a smart and much loved guy would do such a foolish thing. I was extremely angry at him and was so very upset that he chose death instead of life, a life that had so much going for him. Whatever reasons I heard that he had for choosing death sounded like foolish excuses to me back then, and I felt he really could have done better than that. Apparently he was suffering from severe depression, and I had no clue he was going through it 'cos he was not in Aus at the time. He had just moved to NZ to be with his parents. But he did ring me from there few weeks before his death, and to me he sounded cheerful and normal. Nothing seemed out of place.

It took me alot of time to come to terms with his sudden death (it has affected me for life in many ways) but one good thing that came out of it was that I learnt hard facts about 'Depression'. I was thinking back then that depression was just a state of mind that anyone could easily overcome if they took time. I had many questions such as 'what's this depression everyone was talking about?', 'how could few depressed thoughts lead to such a violent act upon self?', 'Isn't there medicine for this that you could buy from a chemist?', 'why couldnt' he use his common sense?', 'where did all the hard work and studies go?', 'how can strong, smart and happy people get affected by something so small?'....yes all sorts of questions popped in my head and that's when I set out on this journey...my journey to find out what 'Depression' really was. And Dan was the reason behind that journey. And how wrong I was about Depression and the people who were affected by it.

I researched alot on it 'cos I wanted to understand the reason behind Dan's lethal decision. We may not agree with each other but I needed to know what lead such a smart guy to take such a drastic step. My research through the net, books, suicide-victims' stories etc helped me to understand his battle, his final days and his very final decision. I now understand why someone would commit suicide and I will never call it a foolish act again. Cos I have no right to say so. I can never be in that person's shoes so let's not sit and judge.

First of all, depression is not what you and I may think it is...it is not the usual stresses and worries we have that sometimes make us feel as if life is a terrible bitch. It's rather a medical condition and not just something a person can 'think clearly' and get out of. Here's a medical definiton of it : A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people who suffer from depression. So my initial thoughts about my friend were very wrong and that's because of lack of knowledge. Because Depression involves the brain's Serotonin levels, it's not something the patient can easily take care of by him/herself. It needs immediate attention but one of the major drawbacks is that the patient doesn't show he/she is depressed. They will still function as everything is normal though deep down they are suffering grave mental torture. Hence, family and friends won't be able to notice great many changes in the patient's general disposition. So when severe depression sometimes leads to sudden suicide, most of family and friends are totally shocked and brand the patient as selfish, cowardly, mentaly-ill, foolish etc. They are entitled to feel that way 'cos they lack knowledge of it, just like I once was. But once you get to know what it is, you will realise that not all of us can be in someone else's shoes totally and not all of us are born with the ability to fight back even the smallest form of depression. It's all programmed in your brain and what it needs is a trigger to set it off. A serious loss, difficult relationship, financial problem, or any stressful (unwelcome or even desired) change in life patterns can trigger a depression. It was stated that very often, a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors is involved in the onset of a depressive disorder and how you deal with it. While some get cured with the help of counselling and treatent, some just don't, and go into severe depression that can lead to suicide (sudden or after many attempts over time). The least you could do is judge or even compare someone affected by such a difficult condition that they don't have any control of. If they did, would they choose to die? I don't think it's that they want to die, it's just that they want to end the pain and don't know how else to end it - simply 'cos the huge drop in seretonin levels leads them to suicidal thoughts. It's a medical problem, we can't demand these people to be logical.

Check this info on Depression and enlighten yourselves about the illness, it's symptoms and how to get help etc. Anyone can be suffering from it regardless of age, sex, education, color, status, health etc. If you think someone is suffering from it, see that you do something about it than leaving him/her to deal with it alone. And if you think you are suffering from it, please talk to someone soon and get help. Dan never told anyone about what he was going through. On his last day on Earth, he went out for a walk with his sister. Then he asked her to stay in the park for a short while until he goes to the shops and comes back. Off he went to the railway tracks and jumped in front of an express train. Yeah just like that. Dan was an IT professional here in Aus. He was Uni-educated and came from a very good family. An extremely fun-loving and sensitive guy. I have been to so many parties and functions with him. He never let me be - always teased me with this and that, and one day I even cried cos of his teasing LOL! No one ever thought that few problems with his former employer could lead him to a dark hole and then an untimely death at just 24. If only I had known what he was going through, I'd have been there for him. But he never told me anything at all cos he's the type of guy who wouldn't wanna show that he's battling something quite difficult. He always portrayed a happy and cool self, and in control. But I guess he didn't realise that it's ok to fall sometimes...that it's ok to confide your fears with a dear one...that it may have saved his precious life and alot of tears. I miss Dan's calls. I miss Dan's chatter. I miss Dan. And if Dan came to Earth for just few mins, I could now confidently tell him that I have learnt everything about what he was dealing with, his demons, his fears and his final decision that took him away from all of us. And that Im not angry with him at all and that I understand him...totally.

This post was not intended to portray that suicide is justifiable. This was to educate people about Depression and it's silent toll. See beyond what the naked eye can see and reach out to someone who may be at the jaws of depression and death. If someone you know committed suicide, don't be angry at him/her...just pray for the soul, perhaps a soul set free of immense mental agony that you may never really understand? Be there for them when they might need you, but don't criticise them when they are no more.

LONELY? LOST? ANGRY? SAD? REJECTED? SCARED? Talk to someone, help someone...save yourself, save someone else...be alive, be a life-saver.

Current Music: Confide In Me by Kylie Minogue