Monday, February 11

The Day You Went Away...

Note: I'm not looking for any sympathy from the post below. It's just one way of dealing with the pain of losing my dad. If anyone out there feels I'm wallowing in sadness, then it's your perception of it all, not mine. For me crying is also very human, just as much as laughing is, and I'm not afraid to cry. And I'm not going to put on a brave face when I'm not feeling so brave. None of you knew my dad so please don't compare my feelings with someone else's misfortune. I know everything happens to people but personal grief can never be compared, and the pain of losing someone is not something you get over with time. If I wanted to, I could not have written that post today...instead I could have just posted a Happy post for the heck of it. Well I don't write posts for the heck of it, so I can't do that. I only write about my exact thoughts and none of my thoughts get edited when it comes out in blog post form - they come exactly the way they were born in my mind. I'm not here to please or impress anyone, and I don't write for popular readership either. On a day like today, I only want to think about my dad and I hope you'd respect that...and if I can't be myself here in my own blog, then there's no point in being here at all.


................. ...................... ...................... ...................


It was the 11th of Feb, a Saturday morning...it was today, few years ago. That day, my darling dad did not wake up from his sleep...a peaceful death yet a heart-breaking memory, a day I can never forget. He was so young, so strong, so loving, so good. Never did I imagine he'd die that way. He was larger than life. He was the kindest man I've ever known. He'd help thousands of people with no expectations at all. He'd do anything, just about anything, to see a smile on someone's face. He wasn't selfish, he never took sides, he stood by his friends, he knew how to live life. He gave it 100%, a candle that burnt too fast...cos he was too busy lighting up others' lives. He went too soon but left a love and memories that are greater than the ocean. He'd hug me and my sis, and ask if everything was ok...I'd try out my cooking skills at just 7yrs old and he'd taste my food even if it was not edible and tell me it was so very yummy...I'd climb on his shoulders and do all sorts of things to his head and hair and he'd smile beautifully...he bought us pretty dresses on our bdays...he was a father who showed affection...a lion with a soft heart...a tall, handsome, tough-looking guy with a heart so giving and filled with compassion. When no one seems to understand me, dad I feel you're watching over me and saying 'it's ok I know what you're going through'...thanks for appearing in my dreams and letting me know you're still around. Thanks for giving me so many friends here in Blogville so that I can carry on! Couldnt say this too often when you were around so here I'm saying it now...I love you dad and I miss you so very much! I still keep looking for you, searching for you everywhere I go...I wait at the bus-stop, hoping you'd hop off a bus and say HI...I look around when I'm at the mall, hoping to see your face again amidst the crowd...I camp all night, thinking you'd come around and hug me like you used to...then I go back home...alone again...


Yesterday we went to the Buddhist temple to offer prayers for my dad and make some donations and give alms to the temple and the monks. It was a peaceful day...I walked around the serene Bo tree and thought of my dad...I stood in front of a graceful, calm statue of the Buddha, and wondered what life is all about. Life is about today. Cos as Buddha stated, nothing is permanent. Tomorrow we may not have what we have today. And contentment lies in the mind. Not in the assets or relationships we have. True contentment comes from a protected mind. The mind has the power and the ability to make or break a person. If your mind is in one place, nothing external should affect you. People and bonds aren't forever either. Like a Mirage in the desert, like colors in the night...today's slides of life, may change their form and colors forever tomorrow.


Last night, I switched off all the lights and sat in the dark, listening to a song...a song that took me back in time to the day he went away...to the day that my heart broke into pieces, never to be the same again...


~~In Loving Memory Of My Darling Dad


Hey, does it ever make you wonder
what's on my mind
I, I was only ever running to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies,
'cause you're leaving me behind
Why, after this long is there nothing
I'll keep, oh, I can shout
you'll pretend you're falling asleep
I live a lie, yeah, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time
'cause you're leaving me behind

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away... ... ...



Current Music: The Day You Went Away by Wendy Matthews

231 Cranium Signets:

Compassion Unlimitted said...

God Bless you Kid,Your Dad is lucky to have a wonderful child in you..In death, only the physical form vanishes and he is still around to take care of you
TC
CU

Margie said...

Darlin' Keshi
So touching!
I know your dad always be in your heart, and he's proud of his darling daughter Keshi!

HUGGGGGGGZ!

Margie

Jay said...

I know how hard it is to deal with this Keshi. My dad died on New Year's Day 1997. I still remember everything about that day and the next week through the funeral and on. It's not something you just get over. You just learn to deal with it.

anits said...

hi keshi...just back frm holiday! how r u??? touching post.! ur dad would b watching this n b proud of u! tcare gal!

Ashu said...

Thats so touchy post Sweetie. God bless and take care. He would always be with you.

Whitesnake said...

((((((((Hug))))))))

Andrew said...

Teary post Keshi. Nice.

Jim said...

Life is about today. Cos as Buddha stated, nothing is permanent. Tomorrow we may not have what we have today. And contentment lies in the mind. Not in the assets or relationships we have. True contentment comes from a protected mind. The mind has the power and the ability to make or break a person. If your mind is in one place, nothing external should affect you. People and bonds aren't forever either. Like a Mirage in the desert, like colors in the night...today's slides of life, may change their form and colors forever tomorrow.




TRUE

Jim said...

stop mooning for your dad
idiot

your dad is in heaven
and he is having a great time
with Marlyn Monroe and Sophia Loren and the other Ooomph girls of the 60s

Dont spoil it for him
u be happy too

find a man to make u happy

La vida Loca said...

oh Keshi I am so touched! Your dad is watching over you and is v v proud of you.

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

Very touching.

Very true.

I read what Jim wrote. I agree with him. We live and breathe with no certainties. Life has no guaranties. The only certainty we have is that this life shall end.

Your father would not want you to be overly sad. He sounds like he was a very positive person. Although, there’s nothing wrong in remembering him and praying for him. When it comes to death, time does not heal.

I read a very shocking story. A bride died at her wedding while having her first dance with her new husband. Death never comes at an appropriate time because there is no appropriate time to die.

HUGS!!

Bev

Jim said...

we all have lost our loved ones
but we dont cry
we have moved on

I lost my dad
when I was in college

as he was dying
he wrote me a letter from hospital
it has his blood stains

he told me I am OK
just a lil bleeding from the nose

dont come home
i dont want u to miss your lectures

lil did he know i was making masti in college

I guessed he was dying
but like an ostrich
my head was buried in the sand

and i continued making masti
until a few days later
after the burial my bro informed me that dad had died

I came home then
but it was of no use

i went back without waiting for the 7 day church service

i remembered my dads concern
and I studied hard and graduated

now i still have that blood stained letter

but it dont make me cry no more
I hope to be a man like my dad was

and die like he did
a hero

i remember the values my dad tot me
and the happy times we shared

Shionge said...

Hugs Keshi...it reminded me of my Dad too when he just 'slipped' away. Like you, I think about him all the time....they are watching over us Keshi and we are all blessed with good health and good friends too :D

HUGS & KISSES Always!!

Jim said...

Now if u post another post of your dad

I will scream so loud
your dad will hear u
and give u a good spanking

think of the happy
not sad

sing, sing a song ....

The Phosgene Kid said...

It's rough. A day doesn't go by that I don't miss my parents and they died quite a while back. You know that everyone dies, but in the back of the mind I always figured my folks would be there. Definetly left some scars that won't heal.

Keshi said...

tnxx CU HUGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Margie HUGS mn MWAHZZZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jay Im glad u u'stand my feelings. I so can relate to ur thoughts too. Everything is so fresh in my memory...it seems like just yday.

HUGGGGGGGGGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

WB Anits n ty so very much!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Ashu!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

HUGGGGGGGGGGZ Steve!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Andrew HUGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehehe Jim tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx LaVida HUGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

heyya Bev tnxx hun!


**The only certainty we have is that this life shall end.


yep..so whats the meaning of it all?



** When it comes to death, time does not heal.

So true. The pain is so brandnew, even today.



** A bride died at her wedding while having her first dance with her new husband.

wut!! where? gimme the link. tnxx!


**Death never comes at an appropriate time because there is no appropriate time to die

so very true!


HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! And I hvnt forgotten ur parents either.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Jim Im sorry to hear that...

**after the burial my bro informed me that dad had died

thats so sad! so u were not there at ur dad's funeral? goshh!


::HUGS::


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww tnxx Shionge HUGGGGGGGZ!

I rem ur dad's story...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jim my posts abt my dad r a way of dealing with it too...if not for these posts, I'd hv died from the pain.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Phos HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


**Definetly left some scars that won't heal.

so true...that Pain is like a one-way street.


Keshi.

Sweetstickychewy said...

Keshi. What a concidence for me. I was whipping out a post on losing someone you love but decided not to post it.

And i came in here reading about the same subject. Thanks for sharing ya heart in this.

Thanks Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Amy MWAH!

Keshi.

Vik said...

Oh sweetie.. That was so hurting and I just hope you are feeling alright. I would be wrong to say what a nice dad you had considering I never knew him before. It would be like using words for something that I will never be qualified. So I refrain from that and I hope you move on and don't cry out. For when you let the emotions off, you slowly tend to forget the past.

I wish you a good afternoon and you did your father proud ! Just let me know if you want to talk about it, I am here and that part I mean it.

Keshi said...

tnxx Vik!

If not for u guys, who do I share my sorrow(/joy) with. No one else really is emotionally this close to me. HUGGGGGGGGZ n ty for being here!

Keshi.

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

This is another story about a bride who died. The one I told you about seems to have been replaced by the Grammys.


'Bride dies after hospice wedding

The couple were forced to bring the wedding forward (Pic: MEN)
A bride died from cancer just 90 minutes after getting married.
Former nurse Elaine Stephenson, 48, wed her partner of 11 years Chris Johnson, 50, of Walshaw, Bury, Gtr Manchester, at Bury Hospice on Saturday.

She had beaten ovarian cancer twice in 2002 and 2004, but the disease returned last year.

The couple were due to get married in August but the wedding was brought forward after doctors warned them her condition had suddenly deteriorated.'

Bev

vEENs said...

aww! Keshi! I dnt know what to say dear..

Whatever I jot down, your pain wll never become less.. but yes I know yu r a brave girl, you will go on and make your dad and mom more and more proud of you!

I wish for an ounce of compassion that you have towards life..!

I wish.. yu have a wonderful life Keshi, I dnt know If be able to say this again..

yu have a beautiful heart and a verr strong one! Life has been tough but you didn't rot yourself crying! Instead you became more strong and loving and thats an achievement honey!

rock on rock hard! I lov u!

hugzz.. a tight one for you!

and a kiss on your tears :)

Keshi said...

tnxx Bev!

thats so very sad. I cudnt stop my tears as I read it. Cancer is a demon!


Keshi.

Jim said...

I was whipping out a post on losing someone you love but decided not to post it.

thanks sweet sticky and chewy
if u want a good cry
all u have to do is read the newspapers in India

recently there were 2 bomb blasts in Pakistan, one got Benazir

starving debt ridden farmers committing suicide in India

kidnappings and hostages murdered

the kidney scam, the poor selling their kidney for 1000 INR
the poor woman going to the hospital for delivery
and returning home with one kidney less

the poor man having the rong leg amputed by the doc who goofed

sometimes I dont no whether to laff or cry

Keshi said...

Veenz that means alot to me. tnxx hun n HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

but I cry alot..if u didnt know :)...not like a cry-baby...the invisible tears I mean.


TC sweetie!

Keshi.

wp 2007 said...

Found it.

DAVIE, Fla. — Kim Sjostrom wanted a real-life version of the film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," which played in the background as friends fixed her hair and makeup before her own marriage ceremony.

But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me."

At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease.

The wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Fellow teachers provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations. One of them, an ordained minister, performed the ceremony.

"It was perfect for her," said Dominic Church, the minister friend.

Sjostrom carried blue and white flowers during the ceremony _ the colors of the Greek flag _ as she exchanged vows with Efkarpides, a 43-year-old carpenter and Navy veteran. They had met three years to the day before the Jan. 19 wedding.

During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed.

Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.

She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child _ literally _ for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways.

He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile."

No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."

Keshi said...

Jim..

**thanks sweet sticky and chewy
if u want a good cry
all u have to do is read the newspapers in India


I agree..there r ppl who r worse off than me. but plz dun ask me to compare MY DAD'S death with the misfortunes of others. This is my dad Im talking abt. And he means alot to me. And just cos there r farmers committing suicide in India that doesnt mean I should not feel any pain abt my dad's death!


Stop belittling my feelings Jim. This is my blog and I write whatever I want to write abt. If u dun wanna comment, u do hv a choice there!

If Amy didnt wanna post abt losing someone, then that's her choice. Not my choice Jim!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Bev that article broke my heart!


**No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."

was too diificult to read!!!!


HUGS!
Keshi.

willheim said...

dad is alive inside you now. what can one say. you honor and respect him, love him, he loves you back, always there.

Keshi said...

tnxx Will that means alot to me! HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jim dun u ever make me feel like Im just whinging...u hv no idea what we went thru after my dad died..and u hv no idea what he was like. So stop making this look like Im just posting for the sake of sympathy. DO U KNOW MY DAD? NO. So just dun pretend like he's someone I should not feel anything abt. I knew him...u didnt.

And Im not looking for a GOOD CRY. How dare u say that?? Just cos u didnt pay attention to ur dad when he was alive, it doesnt mean Im the same.

Im not in a mood to argue with u today...cos TODAY is the day my dad died...if it didnt go thru ur head yet.

Keshi.

Zhu said...

This post is very touching. You've been through tough time girl, but you're strong. Your dad would be proud I'm sure.

Jim said...

when foreigners come to india
they are moved by the plight of the poor and downtrodden in India

but we are hardened
on my way to the cigarrette vendor and the wine shop, i walk past the out stretched skinny hands of a man who hasnt eaten for days

I dont see
I buy a pack of ciggies at 20 INR
enuff money to buy 15 loaves of bread

and a pint of whiskey at 55 INR
the money that cud have fed the starving man for 3 days

Keshi said...

tnx Zhu HUGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

SO WHAT JIM? Im not God to be everywhere in the world and compare every man's misfortune's to my dad's death!

Ur talking like a moron. This post is not abt India's poverty. How many times do I hv to tell u that this is abt my Dad's death? DONT COMPARE IT WITH UR COUNTRIES' MISFORTUNES. Go tell ur woes to ur politicians, not to me!






Keshi.

Keshi said...

My posts abt my dad or my granma or my kitchen or my car, should not bother u so much. This is MY blog FYI.

Im not hear to please/impress anyone or get Brownie points from ppl for posting great HAPPY posts all the time. Im me and this blog represents my exact thoughts - uncut. Accept me as I am or just leave.


Keshi.

Trinnie said...

hey keshi! im sure ur dad is watching over you and smiling... and even though he's away ur souls must be interacting. they do... wat else can explain surreal dreams of people who are away...

I remember i wrote a post last year on this day and today as soon as i saw the title in my Google reader i knew it was abt this day...

take care keshi!
*Hugs*

Jim said...

sorry
cry if u must

but dont make us cry too
one day lost in crying
is one day less to live

bye
call me when u put up a happy post

Sweetstickychewy said...

Hello Keshi. saw ya comment on my blog.:)

am a little confuse abt what is going on.haha

Hmm..me not posting my post is decided even before i came across ya post. Decided that it was something personal that i wanna keep to myself for now.;)

And haha..its ironic how Jim jumps to conclusion on the nature of my post without even reading it. Oh well..

And as for ya comment to Jim. I juz wanna say thanks Keshi. And nopez no misunderstandings between us.;) MWAHS!It was good to read how u feel in ya comment to Jim.:D Thanks for sharing Keshi.

Ya post was a good thing for me to look at. Given what is awaiting for me to go through.

Still loving ya Gurl..

*HUGGIZ*

Margie said...

For you Keshi.
To YOUR DAD...FROM YOU!

If tears could build a stairway
and memories were a lane
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.

No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before we knew it
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
no one will ever know!


Sharing in your sorrow.
I know what's it like darlin', as I've lost both my mom and dad.

Love to you....always!
Nitey nite, I'm turning in early tonite, as still feeling a little sick, but much better than I was.


HUGGGGGGGGZ!

Margie

Margie said...

OPPS!
I did not write that poem, Keshi.
Author unknown.
It's was on the obit of my friend Mary that died.

Margie

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Keshi,
Condolence on the death of your beloved father. I know he is irreplaceable, a one in a million person. It's good to keep the happy memories you have of him in your mind. There he lives forever on your fondest memories of him. God bless you with the courage and grace to bear all the sorrows of his untimely demise.

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

You have all the right in the world to handle your father's death the way you feel you must. No one has the right to rule your feelings. You have the memories. You have something I'll never have.

HUGS
Bev

vitruvian said...

this really really touched me....
I do believe that people who you love u can carry in your heart..as long as their memory is alive...you dont truly lose them...
its definitely not the same as having them around...
but the thought helps me...
cheers to u keshi!!

Margie said...

AWWWWW!
Thank you Angel!
Your sweet words mean a lot to me.
Right back at you!

love ya!
Now, I'm really going to bed!

Margie

Judge Arse said...

Nobody has any right to judge another's grief and if they think they do, they are a judgmental idiot. We are taught to be so stoic. I think it causes a lot of problems, including physical problems, to stuff our grief. I speak from experience. Your words were moving and from the heart. Don't feel the need to apologize or explain yourself. It's great that you expressed what you feel.

vEENs said...

I m right now crying.. for the lack of compassion towards life.. to be jailed by own prejudices.. at least you are free.. !
which I m not.. and I can't xplain it here! take care huns..
i dnt have sympathy for yu.. yu know that..
i m jus envious and proud! I need to learn a lot from yu!

take caer huns!

Nora said...

Your dad would be so proud of you. His beautiful soul lives on. x

Nora

Prats said...

I agree...no one can ever judge another's grief. And how a person grieves is upto them. Who are we to stand in between acting like martyrs thinking we know best..

Kesh... * HUGGGS*
I know ,nothing I say or do can help here...but what you've done here is so right...you're voicing out your feelings and I respect them...and would love to pray for your dad and all the memories you have of him..he wont go away dear...he's within you.

Sweetstickychewy said...

Keshi Sweets. I left a comment back at ya on my page. I honestly think that crying is a really really healthy thing. And the fact of how you have grown as a person sweetie shows how you have grown to be such a strong lady over time. It will never be easy walking in the shoes that you have walked on. And the beautiful part abt u. Is you have discovered some colours through them to have shaped up a strong woman like u thie present day.


*HUGZ* girl. U are precious!

Iceman said...

It rains...
when u r sad...

Silvara said...

Let it out babe...it definitely helps :)

I feel for you and your loss - I can't imagine life without my Dad - even if my parents are the most annoying people. LOL they annoy out of love :P

This song always makes me teary and I can imagine you listening to it and remembering. A huge hug to Keshi - you're stronger today because of your Dad and I'm sure he would be proud of the wonderful person you have become.

maverick said...

well im sure ur dads proud of u for being such a sweetheart n a "polyglot"...damn i need to go work on my vocab :D...

i hope u r doing fine..may god rest his soul in peace...n im sure hes fine n smiling away at u..

:)

mav..

ps...do u intend to use the medium i gave to u???or its suppose to be gatherin dust sumwhere :)

Tys on Ice said...

hey girl...* hugz*

theres nothing i can say which will make it easier for u, hence i will refrain...

i cant even imagine wht u must be going thru...

Jim said...

while u girls were crying your heart out

i went into the kitchen and made navratan korma

i tried to follow the recipe as best as i cud

but i improvised
I used the mirowave to shorten the cooking time

and I dumped in extra ingredients
vegetables that were going stale

it came out well
my folks said

the lady of the house has got a new passion - yoga

lately i been doing the cooking
visit my new blog JIM-CHEF

Jim said...

its kinda funny
the first comment is from compassion unlimited

u wanted it
u gott it

hehehehehe

Sam said...

take care girl!!!

Nadine said...

You're so very sweet. Very touching.

SwAtI SeThI said...

Hey Keshi!!

I happened to stumble upon your blog sometime bak..n have been an ocassional visitor since..Simply love all your posts..particularly coz ur one of those rare beings who is true to herself..never pretending to be someone else..admire your spirits & sense of individuality girl!! This post of yours somehow compelled me to drop in a few lines.. its very touching!!
Take care! God bless ya..
Would love to know you better..
Best Wishes
Swati

Cinderella. said...

Girl...I got nothing to say here.
And there are times when even consolation irritates. I'll just urge you to read this post...might help.
Take care.

http://intelligensia-cinderella.blogspot.com/2006/01/grief-is-place-none-of-us-know-until.html

Jim said...

in GOA where i come from
immediately after the funeral
we all go to the widows home

and we toast the old man who died
with feni and boiled chana

crying is looked down upon
the same ritual is repeated at the months mind mass

the feni and boiled chana is given by the widow

and we recount tales of the good tmes we had with the old man

and also the notty things he did in his lifetime

and we all go home singing
he was a jolly good fella in konkani

Jim said...

HELPPPP

Hi there. I just found your blog online. I have been a fan of the band Great Society since 1988 when I was in college in Delhi (SRCC) and they came to play for our annual college fest. Sea of Sorrow is one of my most favorite melodies. Unfortunately, over the last 20 years, and moving around - the tape got lost years ago. And I've looked in stores everywhere, but never found their songs. Can you help me get a CD, or a download somewhere, please ? I now live in Tokyo. Would love to lay my hands on their music. Can I buy their music somewhere ? I'm happy to send a cheque or anything.

Thanks
Anil

Jim said...

sabydasouza: in GOA where i come from
immediately after the funeral
we all go to the widows home

and we toast the old man who died
with feni and boiled chana

crying is looked down upon
the same ritual is repeated at the months mind mass

the feni and boiled chana is given by the widow

and we recount tales of the good tmes we had with the old man

and also the notty things he did in his lifetime

and we all go home singing
he was a jolly good fella in konkani
sabydasouza: keshi is crying
jessica_soares79: hey sabster long time
jessica_soares79: i know i went to her blog
jessica_soares79: her dad xpired
jessica_soares79: on 11th
sabydasouza: did u cry too?
jessica_soares79: well i felt sorry for her loss
sabydasouza: good
sabydasouza: u didnt cry
jessica_soares79: nope :)
jessica_soares79: im outta tears
sabydasouza: u cried a lott before?
jessica_soares79: well who doesnt im sure u did too
sabydasouza: i never cried
sabydasouza: only 2 tear drops when my dad died
jessica_soares79: mmmm k
sabydasouza: i didnt cry when my mom died later
jessica_soares79: wht abt u r mom
jessica_soares79: oh ok
sabydasouza: i am a macho man
jessica_soares79: lol u know macho men shed the most tears in privacy
sabydasouza: not true
jessica_soares79: yup
sabydasouza: how the fuck u no?
sabydasouza: u r no macho man

Bubbly said...

"A beautiful mind"
"A beautiful soul"

both your Papa and you...

Keshi is her papa's darling and so is papa.... :*

Hugs
GP

Ps said...

Hugs Keshi---Hugs.
You are so right in saying that personal grief can never be compared--and i Know, my friend, that you arent wallowing in self pity or sadness.
I could so relate to this post.
Your dad would have been so proud had he read it.
Hugs.

vishesh said...

om!

wallycrawler said...

I lost my Dad a few months ago. It's been hard, especially for my Mom.

Your post touched me.

AVIANA said...

mami...where can i email you...

KP! said...

Touching post.....:)

he is in your hear.....where ever he is he wants you to be happy keshi!

Hugz

kp

Ziah said...

Hugs! :-) God bless you dear... I'm sure you're dad is proud of the person you've become:)

Jeevan said...

“I'd climb on his shoulders and do all sorts of things to his head and hair and he'd smile beautifully...he bought us pretty dresses on our bdays...he was a father who showed affection...a lion with a soft heart...a tall, handsome, tough-looking guy with a heart so giving and filled with compassion.” I feel sweet memories here keshi.

That was beautiful dedicate to your dad, there we feel the love of this daughter to father. Hug you dear.

Asha said...

Hugs to you darling! Nothing wrong with crying and missing your loved ones. He will be with you always.
My son is down with cold and fever and I can't take it when suffers.
I do understand how you feel in a way, I miss my Thatha(Grandfather) too.I am sure your dad is proud of you Kesh, hugs and kisses to you. It's okay to cry!:)

chambilkethakur said...

wow!!! we have similar title name of our blogs, mine is called Viva Sapota!

Helen said...

Aw, pet, don't ever feel you have to apologize for feeling, but I know there are mean people out there who want to crush any honest emotion.

That's why your standards are so high for men, Keshi, you've already been greatly loved.

tsduff said...

Keshi - I lost my Mom (my hero) 5 years ago, Dec. 22, 2002. It was unbearable, and I still miss her every day. I can sympathize with your grief and loss. Hugs - and hold on to those precious memories. I like the picture of the little girl on the beach ball. xo

tsduff said...

Keshi - I lost my Mom (my hero) 5 years ago, Dec. 22, 2002. It was unbearable, and I still miss her every day. I can sympathize with your grief and loss. Hugs - and hold on to those precious memories. I like the picture of the little girl on the beach ball. xo

tsduff said...

Keshi - I lost my Mom (my hero) 5 years ago, Dec. 22, 2002. It was unbearable, and I still miss her every day. I can sympathize with your grief and loss. Hugs - and hold on to those precious memories. I like the picture of the little girl on the beach ball. xo

Ghost Particle said...

The most beautiful thing is that you never forget. Its how to live knowing that someone has done something and played a great part in our life. He will always look after you Keshi. You are always loved. And your spirit and admiration is a value for all of us to follow. Hugs.

priya said...

Keshi,

As an angel he is watching you and may be reborn somewhere with a beautiful daughter like you.

@purV said...

Saw ur 'note' today. Precisely the reason I couldn't really come up with anything to put on ur post y'day..
Look ahead.. thats 'bout it! Easier said than done though..

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi-for a change,I am at a loss for words-simply coz I feel the same way when I remember my Mom-I don't look for any compassion,it's just an outpouring of feelings.

You know how someone consoled me when she passed away?I remember those words still,namely' God needs good people like her Up There more than we do,so,he called her up'-and,that's what I say to you,though words can never make up for the loss-namely,God needed a kind-hearted person in Heaven,so,he decided to call your Dad there.TC!

krystyna said...

Hi Keshi!

You were blessed with a Great Father!

-He left a love and memories that are greater than the ocean
-He was a father who showed affection
-A lion with a soft hear
-A toll handsoman, tough-looking gay with a heart so giving and filled with compasion.


Very well written memory!

He was great! He is inspiration for many these days young fathers!

You are proud of your father and He was and He is proud of you, Keshi!
Your post is a Great Tribute To Your Father!
He deserved for memory.

I believe that your father's spirit and all that was good and right about Him, will live forever!

It is your please and privilege to talk about your father, you can share your memories of your dear father's life on your blog with pictures too.
It is your personal, lovely place.

Hugsss!

*~*Sameera*~* said...

Donno what to say,the tears just flowed cause I could feel the same pain and anguish which I feel everyday thinking of my Mom.Losing a parent is like losing a part pf yourself and life is never whole again,no matter what.But then,as you said to me once,the show must go on,right Babes? :)

May his soul rest in peace and needless to say,he is always with you.Love you sweetie.Take good care.Loads of hugs and kisses!

Keshi said...

Trinnie I rem ur heartfelt tribute to my dad and myself last year. Having friends like u is solid proof of my dad's presence.

HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Its ok Jim..ur forgiven. :)

I dun think crying is a waste of a day...I never suppress my true emotions. I believe holding up emotions wud do me more harm...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Amy ur an angel for sure! U always make me feel loved and understood.

ty for being YOU. HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Margie thats a beautiful verse. I hv seen it before. Its one of my favs. And u wudnt believe this...I put up the same verse for my dad in an online Memorial site long time ago!!! Yes the exact same verse!



**as I've lost both my mom and dad.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! ur so brave hun. I know I cant do wut ur doing. U r so very brave!


I hope u had a good nite's sleep :) MWAH!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Margie I rem ur friend all the time. God bless her soul!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty so much Mel!

yes his memory lives on in my heart n soul...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty so much Bev!


**You have the memories. You have something I'll never have.

Im so sorry Bev..atleast I hv the Memories, I know. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ! I dunno how u feel not having any memories of ur parents...but I know it must be very difficult. ***tears***


Keshi.

Keshi said...

True Vitruvian...their love and memories live on in our hearts...


And I u'stand that this body has to die some day...and that we hv to part from one another. Sometimes I feel its all a pack of lies...this life.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehehehe Margie I hope u somehow went to bed? :)

Keshi.

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

You know he's right there somewhere watching his girl so successful in life and he must be smiling the same way he did before :)

Muuuaaahhh hun and a very warm hug >:D<

Keshi said...

ty so much Judge!


**We are taught to be so stoic. I think it causes a lot of problems, including physical problems, to stuff our grief.

yes. We r taught to be always brave and we r taught to shun sad feelings. I say feel em fully. Wuts the point hiding behind a mask of emotions? Be human instead. Running away from tears just cos it's 'negative' is a foolish thing. Nothing is as negative as denying true feelings.


HUGS luv!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Veenz MWAHHHHH!


**I m right now crying.. for the lack of compassion towards life.. to be jailed by own prejudices.. at least you are free

aww...my advice to u wud be never to be afraid of Prejudices...never to be a slave of the Society. Instead, do wut u think is right for u.


Im sure ur already there...I see a confident, loving, compassionate soul in Veenz...I do. And I dun lie.


::HUGS::


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Nora MWAH!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Prats tnxx hun!

**would love to pray for your dad and all the memories you have of him

thats so very gracious of ya. HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty!



Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty so much Amy! I hope to live upto wut u sad abt me :) ur a darling!

** It will never be easy walking in the shoes that you have walked on

tnxx! And I hv walked in hollower shoes...just that I hvnt told u abt it yet hun...I hope a time comes for me to pour my heart out on that one too...some day. But for now, I just wanna live one day at a time...

****HUGS****



Keshi.

Keshi said...

Iceman yes it does...but yday was so Blue...blue skies and blue tears...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Silvara hun tnxx!


**LOL they annoy out of love :P

hehehe...I know, even my mum sometimes drives me up the wall...I just scream in frustration n forget abt it the next minute LOL! No parent is 'cool n charming' 24/7. :)

But when we lose a parent, we realise how much they MEAN to us...its a bummer actually..cos u only realise after u lose em.

HUGGGGGGGGGZ n ty! Tell ur parents how much u appreciate em today...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Heyy Mav awww tnxx! Ur such a caring soul...

My polyglot abilities came from my dad...he was excellent in many languages...and he was also a superb boxer in college :)


::HUGS::

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Shall use the 'medium' soon Mav ;-)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Tys ty n HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jim ur the cook in the house now? Im worried abt ur family's health. :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

I will Sam, tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

u too Nadine, tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Swati Im so touched by ur comment. ty so much n HUGS girl!

Im glad u stopped to comment today..reading such heartfelt words from a total stranger made me feel so loved. ty Swati. God bless ya!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Cinderella tnxx hun!

**And there are times when even consolation irritates

I know :)


that seems like an interesting read..I'll be there soon!

MWAH!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Jim!

**crying is looked down upon

that itself is sad. going against human nature is bad for the health.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Bubbly WC n ty so much!

That was so sweet...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty PS I knew u'd u'stand me hun.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Vish ty!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Wally HUGGGGGGGGZ mate!

Im sorry I didnt know ur dad passed on so recently. May his soul RIP!

plz lookafter ur mum...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Lissssa hun hows u? :)

email: kajole@hotmail.com

TC luv!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty KP!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Ziah HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

sad post!!!! read my email i just sent ya!!!!!

Keshi said...

aww tnxx Jeevan!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Asha MWAH!


**My son is down with cold and fever and I can't take it when suffers.

My dad used to take care of us so well..a small accident wud worry him...he used to worry abt us too much..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Chamb WC to my world :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Helen MWAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

tnxx hun.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And Helen my dear friend, THANK GOD FOR MATES LIKE YOU!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Terry I rem u saying abt ur mum to me...I dunno how u do it...I just cant live w.o. my mum. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ luv!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Ghosty!


**The most beautiful thing is that you never forget

Amen for saying that! We shall never forget...never forget the ones who left us long time ago..for they r who made us who we r today...


ty Ghosty, luv ya for who u r!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Priya I hope for that too...HUGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Apurv for u'standing my feelings...

Keshi.

Solitaire said...

Hi Keshi,
Very touching. I feel your pain having gone through a similar situation 12 years ago. Am always here if you want to share. I am glad you blogged about him.
Lots of hugs!!

KAYLEE said...

but my email may make you even sadder :(

Keshi said...

Amit whenever I think of my dad, I think of all my friends w.o. a parent..and that means I think of u too. Ur mum must hv been a VERY SPECIAL lady...cos look how u hv turned out to be. Ur mum lives thru you Amit. And she's BEAUTIFUL!


**God needs good people like her Up There more than we do,so,he called her up

I believe in that too...atleast thats what makes me sleep at nite...


HUGGGGGGGGGZ Amit!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty so much Krys! U say the most beautiful things...

MWAHHHHHHHHH n God bless hun!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Sameera I wish I cud give u a real hug right now. It must be so very hard for ya..ur mum must be a beautiful soul...a very beautiful one. Cos u r an amazing person Sameera...a rare beauty. Ur mum lives thru u...just like how Amit's mum lives thru him...the memory lives on.


**Losing a parent is like losing a part pf yourself and life is never whole again,no matter what.

true...one will never be the same again. But yeah the show much go on. Im glad u remembered what I said :) HUGGGGGGGGGGZ dahlin!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Cheesy MWAHHHHHHHH! I LOVE YA!

I believe my dad is watching over me and I know he knows abt my blog too..cos look how many beautiful souls like u r here by my side.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kaylz I'll check it now..aww why is it sad???

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Solitaire I hope its not abt one of ur parents? aww HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kaylz I hvnt received any emails from ya :( Just checked.

plz resend it, tnxx!

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

because of what the doc told me! :(

KAYLEE said...

keshi i will resend it ok?

Keshi said...

tnxx Kaylz!

wut did the doc say??????


Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

dont wanna share it here yet!

Keshi said...

k email me sweetz.


I hope its not TERRIBLE news.


fingers crossed!
Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

well lets just say it left my crying!!!!! did you get an email yet?

Keshi said...

yes I got ur email Kaylz. Im in shock! I cant believe that. WHY YOU????

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

dont know but i am just so upset!!

Keshi said...

Kaylz I dunno wut to say..cos I cant even imagine wut ur going thru...

when wud u know for sure?


Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

probably tomoorow when i go back but, they are pretty sure i do!!!!!!! i havent told many people yet lol

Keshi said...

Sweet Kaylz HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

::tears::

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

awww thank you keshi didnt mean to make you sad!!!!! :(

SaffronSaris said...

Hugzzzzzz!
Wipe your tears and live strong!

KAYLEE said...

emailed you back :)

KAYLEE said...

u did? okay will check again

Keshi said...

hey Kaylz take it easy ok.

::MWAH::

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

okay I will HUGGGGGGGZ!!!!!!!! to ya keshi!!!!!

::prays that i am only fearing the worst::

will uupdate you on it as soon as i found out more ok?

maverick said...

good morning...rather afternoon...how r u today???

Keshi said...

Saffy tnxx hun!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kaylz hun be prepared to hear the worst...hope n pray for the very best. HUGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Good Morning/Afternoon Mav :) Im very well tnxx and urself?

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

oh i am prepared for the worst!!!:(

Sugababee said...

*Hugssss*

tqmcintl said...

today is a brand new day
the sun is shining

the flowers are in full bloom
its verry cold in mumbai
colder than delhi

I love it

maverick said...

im good..jus came back after my jog..gonna go hog now..back in sometime...talk on my shoutbox on my page.hope thts ok?.i ll catch u there...

Jim said...

KAYLEE
whats the matter?
tell us too

Jim said...

Medical tests and medical reports can be wrong
very wrong


read my current post on IMNUTSINCAPS

KAYLEE said...

keshi i just want to thank you for all your support!

::cries self to bed::

KAYLEE said...

emailing ya a question!

Keshi said...

Kaylz I wish I cud do more for ya...I feel useless in a situation like this. Cos all I can do it just be here in blogs.. :(

HUGS Luv!

dun cry...as long as Im alive, u've got a friend...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Suga HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mav ok ;-) tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

TQM :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jim she's not ready to say it yet. When she's ready, she'll do so. Just be there for her no matter what...

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

oh trust me keshi! you are doing enough just being there for me :)

Sweetstickychewy said...

oH MY GOODNESS kESHI!! i am juz in exhilirating joy !!!!Calling u up and listening to ya voice. MADe my day big time sweets!!

I am totally wowed!! Loved ya voice !! u've got a powerful voice there i am sure..when u sing. WOWIES!! I was actually imagining singing with u for a minute there. :) *HUGZ* so much.

The call i made took me one step up in loving ya more...totally wowed!*big smiles* hahahaha!:P

The Phosgene Kid said...

You haven't lost your dad, he is still in you heart - that is how we live on, in the thoughts and love of others.

maverick said...

n im bck :)..

Jim said...

I have a very close friend Mendes
he had been diagnosed as cancer

He had one eye scooped out
after the operation
he was diagnosed as all clear
no sign of cancer


He bounced back to life

subsequently he wanted to be more sure
he tested again
all sorts of scans

this time the reports were not conclusive
he went in for more diagnosistic tests

this time they said the cancer was still there

he is back into treatment
the docs are happy

he is in misery
but he is a devout christian

Jesus, help me to live one day at a time- he cries out

sad? funny?

I too have a lump in my back
I believe it is just an insect bite

I dont want to have it removed or tested

FUCK
what does it matter if it is cancer or not?

cancer is a slow death
most likely i will die sooner by being run over by a train or a truck or a bomb blast

the roads in Mumbai are hazardous
u can get killed by a drunk driver like Salamn Khan while walking on the pavement

and i cross the railway tracks a lott to avoid being nabbed by a TC

i travel ticketless on Indian travellers
i hate standing in long Qs for a ticket


one day at a time sweet Jesus
hehehehe

Pri said...

i dont know what to say keshi...
i know that no amount of condolences will matter...because when ppl u love are taken away from u,its impossible not to miss them ...
but im sure ur dad is watching u from up there and is very proud of his lil lady :)

hugzzz

Jim said...

sheeesshhhh
sweet sticky and chewy

girls wooing girls

Sweetstickychewy said...

love, loves, lovezzzzzzzz ya!:D

Coco said...

Keshi,
Their love and blessings are ALWAYS with us!!

My father's bd was the 8th of Feb., he would've been 82...
I miss them both! (mom & dad)

Hugs & Blessings
Coco

Keshi said...

Kayls really? but I wish I cud be there for ya...right by ur side.

HUGS hun!


Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

Take care, keshi.



ammu.

Keshi said...

Amy tnxx hun!

ur call took me a 100000 steps up in loving ya Amy :)

HUGS!

Keshi.

http://news.linq.in/ said...

Hi Keshi,
Nicely written post friend :) I know every person in life is irreplaceable but that's life. Feels good to be ur friend!

Keshi said...

aww Phoso ty so much!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Mav WB!

:)
Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Jim!

I hope it helps ppl who r in doubt n in sadness..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty so much Pri ur a swt hrt!

::HUGS::

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jim :):)


Keshi.