Once you have decided not to think about something ever again (say an ex-partner, dead relative, a bad experience etc), can you really remain that way? I mean can you avoid those thoughts completely, especially when you still hang around the same places, when you hear about them all the time, with or without your choice? I believe no thought is 100% locked in...meaning no thought is totally detached. Every thought is linked to another. There will be raw emotions still attached to an old relationship, a bad experience, a sad event etc, and they will be so whether you like it or not. Cos our mind is such a big place..it holds so many memories, thoughts and wounds, both new and old. You may say you have forgotten them completely and that you don't have anything to do with them ever again, but the truth is they are only words...the concrete thoughts in your mind are resting deep down only to be re-awakened without notice..only to be triggered when the right cue is met. Then you bury them again and try to move on. And the cycle repeats. Thoughts are hard to fight cos they are linked to one another. You can shove them back to the bottom of your mind, but they have a way of crawling back up again. Just like how the waves somehow keep reaching the shores...just like fresh flowers on an old grave, buried thoughts somehow resurface from the dead. You can chuck someone/something out of your mind but your mind keeps some snapshots of them for good. Trying to erase them would be like trying to get rid of red ink from a white carpet. The stains maybe removed, and now lighter in color it may be, but the shape of the stain remains. What do you do then? Nothing. Cos you're helpless when it comes to thoughts being born in your mind. It seems that the mind has a mind of it's own. Once you know, you can never un-know.
There was a time when I believed in a God who can repair my mind...I thought He(/She) could do anything...even change my mind...fix my thoughts for good. But I realised that external influences arent capable of controlling my mind no matter how 'divine' they may be. No offense to any religion/god but I think spirituality of the mind is a way of life that only you can teach yourself...it's not a God-driven carriage where you're the horse. Nothing/Nobody can get into the mind of someone else and ask it to stay put...not even yourself can do it sometimes. If there's a God, He(/She) must be laughing at my past hellbent attitude on fixing my thoughts. Cos even He/She knows it's really not that easy. Some thoughts come crashing down without you expecting them, just like thundering and lightning. And hey at other times, I'm so at peace, and my mind is clearly made up on certain things...and I'm in cloud nine cruising away. It's like I'm so in control and that it's such an easy task to do...go figure! Most of the time we are all pretending that we are in control and just going on with our daily lives when deep down we are falling apart. So...I believe that the mind is the most controllable YET the most uncontrollable thing in the world. Funny ha? Any 'thoughts' from you? :)
And the Flying Kissee of the day is....
There is this wonderful friend of mine that I have known for some time now and has become a source of inspiration to me in ways only my heart knows...and he's none other than THE ever-handsome and sweet Grunty! This special mate of mine is all the way from the USA and he can sing so very beautifully (yes I have listened to his own songs). Girls now he has a voice to drool for, not to forget the looks aha! I mean how can we not notice ;-). He is someone who just gets on with life no matter what comes his way...he has a willpower that no one can conquer...his strength and courage through his battle with Cancer at such a tender age is an enormous strength and courage also to myself. The times he was Cancer-free, the day he was diagnosed with it, the many posts he shared with us through his toughest times of Chemotherapy, the many smiles he still brings to us, his great sense of humor through all of this, is actually a wonderful unravelling of a beautiful soul that don't take a single day for granted. I don't appreciate people for nothing...I need to be touched in a way that makes me feel so brandnew, in a way that makes sense out of my being, in a way that makes life more meaningful to me...and Grunty does just that. With the hell he's going through, the tears he must cry all by himself, the fun he brings out through his posts, the love and light that he spreads through his journey is something I'd never have come across if not for his blog and his life. Grunty, you reach out to me in ways that you'll never know! MWACKKZ! Dija feel it? ;-). This song is especially for ya...it's one of my favs and I hope you like the great music in it and the meaningful lyrics...cos you're real...cos you're the only thing that makes any sense right now. Enjoy it, it's your day!
Have a good week ahead guys, will catch up with your blogs soon!
Current Music: Untouched by The Veronicas