Friday, March 28

A Mock Trial

I have been 'good' all my life. Never disappointed my parents, never did drugs/alcohol, never failed my family, never went around sleeping with men, never complained of not having enough, never went after money, never forgot to smile even when I was walking on fire, rarely got anything I wanted, hardly needed anyone to survive, achieved the highest of education and career amidst zilch emotional support, paid all my debts back to viscious lenders, stood on my own two feet all the time, provided for others even as my wallet was getting lighter, kept on going strong when I was really dying inside, showed a happy face just so that others could sleep well, lived every minute on uncertainity watching my future breaking into pieces, sacrificed my youthful dreams just to BREATHE, cried secretly so no one would witness my tears, did everything I could in my life just to keep this life going 'peacefully'...and I all get in return is EMPTY. No one really cares, no one really loves...and when I really need someone, no one's around. It seems I'm the only one doing all that. I don't believe in this mockery of a life anymore...and I don't believe there's a God. Cos if He was around He woudn't make me 'feel' so much and make others around me so stone-hearted. If you still say He's there, then my life was His one big 'design' defect. I'm His mock trial. Right now in my life, things are not what they used to be...I have come to a point where emptyness is filling me to the point of absolute torment. I don't revel anymore in the person I used to be...the person who did everything to be 'someone', to be loved, yet who never felt love. I wasted all those years chasing after something I wasn't supposed to be only to wake up being a total misfit. I hate myself so much. I have lost the will to live this mockery...cos simply I have nothing more to give. I'm fading into black and at high speed too.


Current Music: Fade To Black by Metallica

177 Cranium Signets:

KAYLEE said...

okay this post really scared me are you ok keshi?

I AM NOT FEELING WELl AT ALL TODAY :(

Keshi said...

Kaylz why r u scared of the truth?

Keshi.

KAYLEE said...

//Kaylz why r u scared of the truth?//

I am not bu i just wanna know if you mean you have given up on guys are what? I guess I dont really understand the post! ypou aint giving up on life are you?

La vida Loca said...

Keshi honey... we love you a lot...
** Hugs and more hugs

Keshi said...

Kaylz I know u care abt me.

**if you mean you have given up on guys are what?

I didnt u'stand that qn...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

LaVida tnxx hun!

I know alot my friends here LOVE me..thats why Im always here. cos I dun get that in my real life.

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

fingers said...

Keshi, you little angel.
Look, I've taken lots of drugs, been drunk for days on end, slept with many women, diappointed my family, failed my friends, wasted my education, gambled away fortunes, whined and complained about everything and never lifted a finger to help anyone.
And I'm not happy either, so don't stress too much about the opportunities you've missed...

Compassion Unlimitted said...

wake up dear.you are just going thru a nightmare,live to enjoy and enjoy to live
TC
CU

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

Life does suck. That's why I write comedy. If life was great, we would not need laughter. My education would have been an exercise in futility.

I think we all are in a greater power’s test tube. We are a lab experiment gone very wrong. So, don’t get down on yourself—oops, that can be taken two ways. Ok, take it both ways; you need to get down on a man.

At least you’re not like the bloke who claims he was raped by a wombat and now he speaks Australian.

‘New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.’

I can’t write material this funny. Real life can be very funny.

Cheer up!!

LOL

Bev

KAYLEE said...

i dont know what i was trying to say either i m on too many drugs! hey i wrote a new post :)

KAYLEE said...

ummmmmmm i just noticed the picture on fingers avatar is he/she giving me the finger? What di di do to him/her? ;) I am just teasing them lol!

Jay said...

Ah Keshi. This is a sad post. You know if I was there I would give you a big hug and try to make it all better. ;-)

Ankur said...

Keshi, there is a time in everyones life when they realise this, events of past related into future inspire us to do tat.

Emptyness comes to our lives, but then we have hope, hope to go further and farther... sometimes we have to stop looking at money, future and we just need to look at our present to shape our future.

i can so very much relate myself with wat u have written, but beleive me, there are many ppl around, they may not be telling u, but they r...

**kept on going strong when I was really dying inside
keshi, sometimes i too wonder whether i m gonna this life for all others? but then i think, wat if i do... even if i m not happy then i m makin others atleast!!!

** No one really cares, no one really loves...
look around
there are we
looking at u
all for u!!!

i dedicate these lines to u...

**If you still say He's there, then my life was His one big 'design' defect
Pri, he doesnt design u, he fuels u, and then u execute... and u have a long way ahead, to move on... u never know wat future holds for u...

** have lost the will to live this mockery...cos simply I have nothing more to give.
u know, i too wrote the same words, but then i realise, someone who hasnt nothing more to give cant write this, only we can... who will keep giving to this world!!!

Keshi... life takes such exams at several points of time in ur life, dont fail urself here... u know u r strong enough even mentally, giving up isnt the best wat we do...
lets do it for others, others who still have a reson to take from us...

Cheer up da, and world will never be the same!!!

I dedicate HOPE to u... :)
and u said it was beautiful, isnt :)

Smile da...
He's here!!!
Take Care...




P.S. I think this is not at all fictional, thats the reason i am writing all this. :)

Ankur said...

and this is a better pic of urs, revelaing true u... not ur... :P
lol


u have got beautiful eyes :)
just be like them...

Be good all ur life!!!
Cheers!
Good Day!

Keshi said...

Fingers *HUGZ* n tnxx mate!


**failed my friends

I dun hv so-called 'friends' now...just contacts. f'k em all.


u not being happy after all of that is not a surprise...cos happiness is something that comes from within...and hey I still dunno what happiness is like.

but ofcourse I hv u and u hv me..that'll do for now.

*MWAH* ur really sweet.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty CU!

**just going thru a nightmare,

my whole life is a nightmare. CU there r things u dunno..things I cant tell u all yet...things u'll prolly never know abt my life b4 Im gone. Im sorry :(


**live to enjoy and enjoy to live

I try my best too.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Bev MWAHHHHHH!


**That's why I write comedy. If life was great, we would not need laughter. My education would have been an exercise in futility.

I agree. I always knew that HUMOR was my only shelter. I always get cradled in her arms when there's nothing to look forward to.



**I think we all are in a greater power’s test tube. We are a lab experiment gone very wrong.

I sometimes feel He does not exist. If He does, yes we r all experiments gone horribly wrong. I mean look at me..who/what am I and why am I here wasting oxygen.


**So, don’t get down on yourself—oops, that can be taken two ways. Ok, take it both ways; you need to get down on a man.

lol tnxx hun!


Abt that guy being raped by a Wombat..he needs to be told off by a Kangaroo!


hv a good one luv!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

lol Kaylz ur not on too may drugs...just a lil dizzy by Keshi's post.

tnxx hun!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kaylz u gotta ask that from Fingers hehe..:):)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Jay I know that will cure me for sure. No one hugs me in real...not even my mum.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Ankur tnxx!

**sometimes we have to stop looking at money, future and we just need to look at our present to shape our future.

well thats what I hv been doin all my life Ankur! I was never after money.



**but then i think, wat if i do... even if i m not happy then i m makin others atleast!!!

its too late to fix that. as humans we cant choose to be happy just cos others r happy..it's impossible Ankur.


I know u all care abt me..thats why Im always here, craving for some LOVING n UNDERSTANDING.



**Pri, he doesnt design u, he fuels u, and then u execute... and u have a long way ahead, to move on... u never know wat future holds for u...

Im not Pri, Im Keshi :)
o well I dun believe He exists..atleast rite now, I dun believe He's there. If He's there, then he's a bad designer.



** but then i realise, someone who hasnt nothing more to give cant write this

Ankur I write from my life experiences, and what if my life stops...what if all the experiences stop..wud I be able to write again? :) I need ur answer...



**who will keep giving to this world

Im sure there'll be mahny other writers in future..and Im not the only writer rite now either hehe.



**lets do it for others...

Im tired of that.



**this is a better pic of urs, revelaing true u... not ur

my wut?


ty for the compliments and kindness Ankur!


Keshi.

Sweetstickychewy said...

Keshi. You look beautiful In those pictures. That’s the first thing I noticed besides your title.

Despite your sadness, you wrote beautifully.

Sweets, there are times people disappoint us cause they take us for granted. But that does not mean you are valued. You are greatly valued by many bloggers around here. You are like the joy in the places of heart.

I have felt the way you felt before. When I have never done this, done that and so on. But always end up painted black.

I am beginning to realise, its not so much about what is right and best sometimes. Its about what I am doing for myself.

There are many times friends who step and make you a substitute cause they know you will always be there. And there are times its important for them to know that you need their presence.

I recently told a mate outright on what she is doing. Tolerant to the point of feeling like shit. So yeah I spoke to her. and her ego went bust. But now, things are better and different. Our friendship is better. I guess it’s a little different when I told her how she react tells me how she value me as a friend. And I honestly told her that she ain’t making me feel wonderfully valued instead the opposite which is bad.

We took it from there and worked things out. I see an improvement there.

And hey there, I love ya. You know my ears are open if u need a little outlet for some stuff. I mean that sweetheart! Mwahs!

Smile ya beautiful smile.

I am not sure if I am on the same page as you are. But juz felt I wanna share.


Hugz.

fingers said...

'...u not being happy after all of that is not a surprise...'

Are you kidding me ??
It's only since I stopped all that I've been miserable...

Ankur said...

tats wat happens when u r reading many at the same time :P
lol
sorry, i didnt intend to, but i do accept this mistake and promise to never repeat it again :)

**I was never after money.

u never were after, but werent u looking at it too, debateable as per interpretations... :)

**its too late to fix that. as humans we cant choose to be happy just cos others r happy..it's impossible Ankur

well keshi, its not at all impossible to find happiness in others, isnt tat wat u were doing all this time, if i read u correctly...
nothing is too late to fix, dont say tat coz u surrender to the fact u cant, if a man with disability can change his life, u have got it all keshi, atleast look at him and then think again, whether its too late...

**I know u all care abt me..thats why Im always here, craving for some LOVING n UNDERSTANDING
i dont know abt others, but if in any case u need the support in words, then i will be there, dont think tat i am sayin this just coz of some manly feeling, but i guess, we all need someone, as u have correctly said, i were at the same situation and found noone, here u have many, forget abt how they r gonna deal with it and just go ahead and surrender, and rest assured u will find some peace there... :)

**o well I dun believe He exists..atleast rite now, I dun believe He's there. If He's there, then he's a bad designer

i would say, sometimes we ignore many things for few :)

**Ankur I write from my life experiences, and what if my life stops...what if all the experiences stop..wud I be able to write again? :) I need ur answer...

havent u got the answer in wat i have written??? lemme try again
life never stops, we do, thinking that it has, and then we try to run faster, try to catch up with the pace of it, and then we run ahead of ourselves...
experiences in life can never stop, good or bad, i never said that in ur future u wont experience, but even good situations are experiences...
i believe tat even something bad happens, it happens for us to learn from it, not to repeat the mistake, but like the spider, we have to try n try to clear the wall...

i dont know whether its making sense to it, but u can always ask me to clearify...

**Im sure there'll be mahny other writers in future..and Im not the only writer rite now either hehe

well there may be many others... but we r concerned abt u right now :)

**Im tired of that.
urnt, and tats y u r alive, and its u...

**my wut?
ur nothing... i hope u get it :)

and i m not kind to u keshi, dont make me feel bad... :)

Take Care...
Awaiting Reply... :)

Keshi said...

ty Amy u really really make me feel SPECIAL. *HUGZ*


**there are times people disappoint us cause they take us for granted..

exactly wut happens to me ALL THE TIME. This morning I had a small argument with mum n then my sis intereferd and yelled at me so rudely. I felt deeply hurt as I left home for work. Not the best thing to happen early in the day.

Its not like they r being fair on me either. sometimes ppl 'expect' u to always be there and do this and that, to their hearts content. And when it's not something that I wanna do, I dunno how to react. I get speechless and feel so very misunderstood. and thats not new in my life btw.


** You are greatly valued by many bloggers around here

Im so aware of that Amy and Im very thankful for u guys in my life. But from time to time, we crave for LOVE n UNDERSTANDING from our near n the dear ones too..I mean family n friends..we need that.


** You are like the joy in the places of heart.

aww MWAH n u too hun! I cant do w.o. a lil bit of 'Amy' every single day..I swear! ur my daily dose of sanity and love.



**And I honestly told her that she ain’t making me feel wonderfully valued instead the opposite which is bad.

its good that u did that. cos its no point living a lie. I did that with some friends too..told em how I honestly felt. by doing that I lost some of em..I really dun give abt em. cos I still hv the ones who truly care abt me.


Im glad u shared ur exp with me..cos u knew exactly how to make me feel 'understood'.

tnxx luv HUGGGGGGGGGZ!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Fingers u make me laugh mate LOL!

so why dija stop doin em? :)

Keshi.

peek said...

hey keshi... first time visitor..came through gonecase's page...

just want to say..you are an awesome girl...living through everybody else's dreams not an easy thing ..seriously!!! but now u have lived enough like that..why dont you try being yourself ??? HE just gave you life and left rest on you ..had HE designed whole of your life..you would have been crying for holding through His way...

first comment and its preachy ..sowwwyy

HUGGS

Geet

wp 2007 said...

Hi Keshi

Is everyone in your part of the world going crazy?

'A MAGISTRATE has issued an arrest warrant for a man who failed to turn up to court because he is "God" and above the law.

Richard James Howarth was remanded to appear in court to answer a string of traffic offences, including four counts of driving with a blood alcohol content more than three times the legal limit.

However, his lawyers said he failed to appear after having earlier informed them he would not talk to them because he is was the almighty and above answering to Queensland laws.

Early this month, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Legal Service solicitor Kevin Rose, for Howarth, told the court his client refused his office's attempts to talk to them.

A court and a mental health expert have already deemed Howarth was mentally fit for trial, but Mr Rose maintained he has obvious mental health issues.

Mr Rose said he did not doubt Howarth genuinely believed he was God.'

LOL

Have a great weekend!!

Bev

Ankur said...

घनघोर अँधेरा छाया है
चारो और सन्नाटा है
न कोई पंछी है
न कोई आवाजे
हर तरफ़ है तो
बस कालिमा और कालिमा
डर लगता है मुझे
अपने आप से
कैसे बचूंगा मे
ऐसी काली रात से
हवाएँ चल रही है
तेज़ बहुत तेज़
दरवाज़े बज रहे हैं
हर तरफ़ के
क्या ऐसा ही है वक्त मेरा
चांदनी नही वापस होगी
तारो की रौशनी की
क्या नही वापसी होगी

पर हर काली रात के बाद
एक सुबह आती है
और सूरज की नई किरणे
कुछ नया पैगाम लाती है
एक नया सवेरा
एक नई सुबह
एक नई शुरुआत
जिंदगी की


I dont know how much of this makes sense... but i wrote this for u... :)

Take Care Keshi
it wont be the same, ever :)

Paul said...

OK... Lost the will to live but not to post?

But seriously, one bad thing about reading words in print without actually seeing and hearing a person is that you don't know where the person really is emotionally. You could be more experimenting with this thought, or you could be more serious and most visitors to your blog wouldn't know which is the case. In any case...

What you're talking about here is the problem of evil as it affects you personally.

It seems to me that the western world has often portrayed God basically as Santa Claus. If he's all-good and all-powerful, where are my presents?

I think it's problematic to conceive of God as Santa - that it only adds to people's suffering during times when they're unhappy.

Whitesnake said...

Keshi,

Something for ya.

http://rainbowsreflectraysofthesun.blogspot.com/2008/03/when-ya-feel-all-is-lost.html

Sweetstickychewy said...

Yups Keshi. nothing feels worse than experiencing it with our closed and loved ones. It is one of the most challenging thing to walk by.I have gotten that too. Left me a little speechless, sad and angry for a while. And i felt myself painted black again.Too hurt to the point of only having the tears to speak out in the dark.

Give it some time sweets. Sometimes in the heat of anger. People speak so loud to the point of not knowing what they are doing to us. In these times, its hard. But take courage aites.

I disagree that you are a mock trial. Cause you are worth many kisses, hugs, tickles and laughs.

Sending some love your way..

*HUGZ*

Keshi said...

nah Ankur it wasnt MONEY that I chased after..it was principles of society.



** if a man with disability can change his life, u have got it all keshi, atleast look at him and then think again, whether its too late...


I know. But everyone's will-power, sensitivity and needs are different. And the ability to handle a situation is also different between 2 ppl. Besides personal grief can never be compared.


**i would say, sometimes we ignore many things for few

Im very well aware of that Ankur...its not that Im dissing God...if He's there that is. Its just that u dunno alot abt my life...not yet.



**but like the spider, we have to try n try to clear the wall...

Im not gonna TRY anymore..cos thats all I ever did.



**but we r concerned abt u right now

dun be. Im not gonna kill myself..not yet. :)


*HUGZ* ty for all the support Ankur, ur so very kind n caring.


Keshi.

Solitaire said...

Keshi, I thought you were going to come up with something great today. Is this your great post? It is a rather sad post. But you are not alone. Many people are facing this mockery, living a farce, dwelling in self-doubt, and unhappy. If you are so disappointed with life, I must say kudos for continuing to live it. Kudos for continuing to walk on fire and smile through it. I am sure there are some people who love you. Some more some less. Some tell you some don't. But honey, do love yourself. You are a great gal. And life will certainly look better. If you have reached rock bottom, the only direction to go now is upwards.

I would urge you to read your shrink post again, the one you dedicated to me.

Keshi said...

heyy Peek WC n tnxx!


**why dont you try being yourself ???

good qn but I dunno if I know who I am anymore. Its a lil bit late for few things to be corrected in my life.


**HE just gave you life and left rest on you ..had HE designed whole of your life..you would have been crying for holding through His way

how wud I know what He intended for me...cos all I know rite now is what I hv gone thru so far in my life..and trust me when I say it, it aint that pretty.

:)

tnxx Peek!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Bev :)

so he thought he God...I better meet him real soon then ha LOL!

Keshi.

Ankur said...

keshi... i dont care abt anyones past, its the present that matters...

seriously think over it, dont get deep down into those grey thoughts!!! plzz, its a serious request, been through it so know how difficult that phase is...

i wont say a word more now coz i know its ur wish...

Just Take Care mate...
i hope u will be fine soon...
this is just a phase, will get over soon... :)

*Hugz* Jadoo ki jhappi!!! :D

aneri_masi said...

Hey sweetie. A big hug to you! Yeah, we all have these times :( I don't have any advice to give you, just wanted to say that I am sad that you are sad :(

You don't want to live your life for others? Then don't, da. Think real hard about what Keshi wants, and do it. If you offend someone, so be it, as long as it feels right to you.

take care dear, and a bubble bath and then a looooong nap!

fingers said...

I can't tell you here Keshi coz your blog is far too nice. For the answer you have to come over to TWG...

KAYLEE said...

I hope thats it Lol or i am in trouble!!!!!!!!

peek said...

*good qn but I dunno if I know who I am anymore. Its a lil bit late for few things to be corrected in my life.*

hmm you have a point...but just imagine.. if you get to knw that you gonna die in an hour... the first thought would be...wish i had done this/that .. am talking about that Keshi... just go step by step.
i know its a resigned state and these comments things might frustrate you more...wish i had been there with you coz that only helps...

a sweet HUG

geet

Macadamia The Nut said...

I went throught this phase once. And those who haven't will never know how horrid it can be. Then I realised that there was one person (other than my parents) who did love me unconditionally... ME! :D
That was such a huge turning point girlfriend. Think about it.

Keshi said...

Ankur its lovely to see Hindi script in my blog wow!

however I dun u'stand Hindi...plz translate it for me. tnxx mate!

*MWAH* for writing something for me!

Keshi.

Whitesnake said...

Nelly Furtado "I'm like a Bird"


Made me think of you .....

Wonder why?

Keshi said...

heyya Paul!

**OK... Lost the will to live but not to post?

cmon mate Im not dead yet.



**one bad thing about reading words in print without actually seeing and hearing a person is that you don't know where the person really is emotionally.

I agree.


I was pretty bad this morning..I cried buckets. And thats not the usual Keshi. But its good to cry. my tears were my therapy.



**God basically as Santa Claus. If he's all-good and all-powerful, where are my presents?

nah Paul..u got me wrong. I dun want anything from GOD. I dun hv WANTs..Now I live on basic NEEDs only. Cos none of my previous WANTs ever came to life either. Im not asking for anything from God, but WHY? why am I here? besides, Paul u dunno alot abt my life...so yeah its quite hard to u'stand me. sorry abt that.

tnxx mate!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Steve ty and I'll read that soon.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Amy MWAH!


**People speak so loud to the point of not knowing what they are doing to us. In these times, its hard. But take courage aites.

yes I agree. But even when no one is shouting at me, I feel like Im such a misfit. It seems everyone else is moving and Im frozen.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Solitaire!

**I thought you were going to come up with something great today. Is this your great post

I was...I even had it written n all. Then something happened this morning that made my heart rip out of it's place. Im sorry.



**Many people are facing this mockery, living a farce, dwelling in self-doubt, and unhappy.

yes..so tell me, why do we live like that? wuts the meaning of it all?


**If you are so disappointed with life, I must say kudos for continuing to live it.

I think life is disappointed with me Solitaire...


Im trying hard every single day Solitaire...ty so much n HUGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

dun worry Ankur...I'll turdge along for a lil while..

:)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww tnxx Aneri MWAHHHHHHHH!

dun be sad...ok?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

k Fingers tnxx! I'll b there soon.


*her middle finger up at Fingers*

LOL!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe Kaylz :)

Keshi.

Ankur said...

heehe... ok.. lemme try.. but i dont know how its gonna sound in english.. i do it line by line
just a try u idiot... learn some hindi... :P

घनघोर अँधेरा छाया है (its a blackout)
चारो और सन्नाटा है (der is no noise)
न कोई पंछी है (no bird)
न कोई आवाजे (no sound)
हर तरफ़ है तो (if anything is there)
बस कालिमा और कालिमा (only darkness)
डर लगता है मुझे (i m afraid of)
अपने आप से (myself)
कैसे बचूंगा मे (how m gonna survive)
ऐसी काली रात से (frm dis black night)
हवाएँ चल रही है (wind blowing)
तेज़ बहुत तेज़ (faster n faster)
दरवाज़े बज रहे हैं (doors r makin noises)
हर तरफ़ के (frm everywhere)
क्या ऐसा ही है वक्त मेरा (is dis my presnt)
चांदनी नही वापस होगी(no moonlit com bak)
तारो की रौशनी की (stars shine)
क्या नही वापसी होगी(wont come back )
पर हर काली रात के बाद (but after every dark night)
एक सुबह आती है (ders a morning)
और सूरज की नई किरणे (new sunrays)
कुछ नया पैगाम लाती है (bring new msg)
एक नया सवेरा (a new morning)
एक नई सुबह (a new morning)
एक नई शुरुआत (a new beginning)
जिंदगी की (of life)

and plzz... this will sound insane in english, more than wat i wrote in hindi :P

guess u will understand but, wat i wanna convery..

Take Care keshi,
i said i dont wanna write more..
and i did :P
lolzzz

Keshi said...

Geet tnxx!


**if you get to knw that you gonna die in an hour... the first thought would be...wish i had done this/that .

I know...it makes us really value life. But rite now I dun hv any wishes...


*HUGZ*


Keshi.

Hiren said...

hey .. wats this? Of wat I have seen from your posts since i started visiting ur space ... you are far away from such state of mind ... hope everythings alrite ... and this is just a phase ..

Such emotional phases engulf all of us ... just relax, dont try too much to find answers; weigh expectations etc ...

*No one really cares ...
I am sure there will be many who care for you; but it would the very few that you expect to take care of you and they fail your expectations, which would give you this feeling ...

*If you still say He's there
Just go down a couple of your own posts and you will get the answer for this whinge of yours ... if he would tend to inject defect; he wouldnt have been called GOD.

I am sure the best is about to come in your life soon ... so cheer up!

"I am always content with what happens; for I know that what God chooses is better than what I choose ..."
- Epictetus

btw you hvnt seen my latest post on Quotable Quote .. chk it out, it has one of my own quote :) :p

and yea you have to consolidate the dating tips and put it up on your blog for dummies like me :)

so, theres a lot you got to do dear ... cheer up and get going ...

take care!

Keshi said...

aww Macadamia thats a beautiful though..tnxx for that!

yes no one can really be in another person's shoes 100%. well-said girl!

MWAH!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Steve mebbe cos I love that song too..alot actually!

*MWAH*

Keshi.

Sweetstickychewy said...

***But even when no one is shouting at me, I feel like Im such a misfit. It seems everyone else is moving and Im frozen.

I can idenitfy sweets. this kinda thing goes way deep down within us. It will take a while to get out. I saw my sun. I hope you will start seeing yours soon too. Love ya much Keshi. And honestly, you have a great heart and personality that carries much joy. It would be waste if people miss you out!:D

YOu ARE GREAT STUFF!:D *Does a virtual split with pom poms up* ok i hope my panties don't tear now. That was unplanned! LOL:P

Hope to tickle u up! Lets hope da weekend picks up. ;)

Keshi said...

thats such a beautiful MEANING Ankur..tnxxx so much!

u wrote that? WOW!

I know..ever night is followed by a morning..I hope it 'dawns' on me :)

*HUGZ*


Keshi.

SambY said...

You have endured for so long... What makes you stop now... Continue.. Endure.. And Shine Throught these darks clouds... There was a point when I too felt i am compleltely alone... parents dnt trust me even now.. but now i dnt bother.. Its my LIFE.. Its my responsiblity.. If I go down.. Ppl will say he was a loser.. they wnt leave u anyway.. try to live your life for your own happines... maybe then ppl will notice your happiness... and in turn notice u... even if they dnt atkeast you will be hapy then cause u would be doing thating su enjoy anyway...

I am younger than you but preaching n stuff.. dnt mind it.. I said what i shought was the best... :)....

And anyway. we ppl at bloggerville do notice you a lot.. atleast I do... maybe this is enuf to bring your mood up to normal...

Cheerz.. n Keep the enduring spirit alive... take care...

Keshi said...

hey Hiren tnxx mate!

**you are far away from such state of mind

Im only one but Im many. :)



**Just go down a couple of your own posts and you will get the answer for this whinge of yours

yeah I rem that post..but its not that I WANT something Hiren. I never got anything anyways. u wont u'stand the reason behind this post cos I hvnt told u everything. Im sorry abt that.



**"I am always content with what happens; for I know that what God chooses is better than what I choose ..."
- Epictetus

thats a great quote. but Im not sure if God's plan is so great after all. I sometimes feel He's mean.


**and yea you have to consolidate the dating tips and put it up on your blog for dummies like me

hehehe. Lets date..u n me :)


ty so much for being here for me Hiren. *HUGZ*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Amy tnxx again..u r one massive DARLING!


** It will take a while to get out. I saw my sun. I hope you will start seeing yours soon too

lovely!


ty for the uplifting advice.



** *Does a virtual split with pom poms up* ok i hope my panties don't tear now. That was unplanned!

LOL loved that! Get G-strings hun...the view is better lol!


*MWAH*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww tnxx Samby!

**try to live your life for your own happines...

I try to..but Im not happy when others arent happy. So I end up making them happy. And then Im happy yet unhappy. Im not sure if I know who I am and wut I want :(


*HUGZ* Samby!


Keshi.

Sweetstickychewy said...

***LOL loved that! Get G-strings hun...the view is better lol!

LOL. now u make me wanna go Meooooooooow!

Hoope u are feeling betta KESHI! *HUGZ*

BUMBLE!!! said...

I'm sending you a smile.

Hope you feel better.

Ankur said...

if there is question mark there... then yes.. i, me, myself .. :(

after even so much even ppl dnt appreciate the efforts :(

lol... yes.. idiot.. but it doesnt matter who wrote it, u read it, hundred times.. to understand that there will be a new morning :D

there will be dawn, it will!!!
Amen!!!

and i prescribe 2 songs for u...
1) Superwoman
2) As I am
both are from the Album As I am-Alicia Keys
listen to this on my advice... though i m no doctor.. :D

i wanted to suggest some hindi nos, but due to the incompetency there...

try{
Learn(hindi);
}
catch(Exception e)
{
Learn(hindi);
}


*ROFL

Take Care
Smile :)

anits said...

hi angel...v love u so much...wish to meet u and talk...
life to to live so lets enjoy it darling...
tcare...

Ankur said...

and keshi.. was it u who left this comment in my blog.. few days back???


Keshi said...

so true..just beautiful!

And I live only for TODAY. Thats the best way to LIVE.

Keshi.


i wonder now!!!!

Hiren said...

* Lets date..u n me :)
see now its not GOD but u urself inviting torrid time :) ... it wudnt be a good idea for you as u will end up explaining me the dos and donts of dating; if thats fine with you then i m game ... lol

and yea btw i hope you can cook good veg meal ... as our date has to be at home ... i can prepare the tea :p

and heres a PJ to cheer u up ... just got it as sms fwd ...
Teacher: Kal school kyun nahi aaya?
Pappu: Gir gaya tha aur lag gayee.
Teacher: kahan gire aur kahan lag gayee?
Pappu: Takiye pe gira aur aankh lag gayeee :)

hv a gd day!

chalo bye for now !

you take care!

maverick said...

If you still say He's there, then my life was His one big 'design' defect.I'm His mock trial.

well he ensured that u turn up mighty sexy n gorgeous in tht trial :D...

jokes apart...well we all go thru such phases..its a part of life..but then...pretty soon u ll just wake up n life will b back to being normal....so dont give this too much thot..n if u cant divert urself from it...then...u can use the medium i suggested..n its high time u used it...

cheer up kesh :)

PREETI said...

hey keshi gurl..

ok i dnt wanna make this preachy or go on n tell u 'its ok, tingz 'l b alrite' n stuff cuz i i guess tatz nt wat u expect...i call it condolence talk n neither do i want it when im low...i juz expect ppl to listen n maybe a slight reassurance...not even empathise...wich is y i guess bloggin abt it is nice..a place to vent out wat u cannot say aloud whr u r... :)

i guess im pretty much in the same state as u...debatin if thr is a god out thr, let down by those 'babbonz', battlin weight issues, parentz lookin out to gt me married to some random guy from god-knows-whr n more blah...itz almost like i wake up every morn to gt to work when id rahter go bak to sleep cuz thrz nothin to luk forward to...[other than the money makin ofocurse ;)]

HEY!iv gt a brilliant suggestion...y dont u tke a break from all that sand n sea n come down to dirty ol' chennai...id show u around n trust me, il make sure u hv a gr8 time :D n im not kiddin ONE bit...think abt it :) juz gurlz ;)

considerin the hugz r gonna help u feel better...HUGZ!

Iceman said...

**and I all get in return is EMPTY

Trust me on this one keshi... This one is a privilege... to have it like that... EMPTY...

SwAtI SeThI said...

dear keshi,

i dunno what to say...as m experiencing a similar gamut of emotions.. it does feels really empty.. maybe a lot of people go thru something like that..but that doesnt really make things better...
uv always done the best you could with your life..been the best person you could be..n i know for a fact that you will continue doing so.. you are a beautiful soul!! :)
i am at a loss of words.. jst feel like talking or chatting with ya..
love
swati

Keshi said...

*scratch scratch* @Amy ;-)



Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Bumble HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe ty Ankur!

**try{
Learn(hindi);
}
catch(Exception e)
{
Learn(hindi);
}


awww...I wish I cud. But I've got a better idea..why dun u learn Sinhalese? :):)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Anits I wish I cud be somewhere near ya too..

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Ankur :)


**Keshi said...
so true..just beautiful!
And I live only for TODAY. Thats the best way to LIVE.
Keshi.


yes I said that but thats not gonna change how I feel abt certain things Ankur. I started living for TODAY only cos of all the shit in my life to begin with.

I do live for today yes..even for this minute only. if I hadnt done that I wud hv been long gone..seriously.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Hiren..

** it wudnt be a good idea for you as u will end up explaining me the dos and donts of dating; if thats fine with you then i m game

LOL I'll try not to?



**hope you can cook good veg meal

yes I CAN cook :) btw ur a vegetarian? I need meat man :)

And I'd love to taste ur chai..


I didnt get that Hindi Hiren :( plz translate...tnxx mate!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Mav!

**jokes apart

so it's a joke? LOL!


**well we all go thru such phases

I know Mav we all go thru it all...but 2 ppl dun go thru the SAME shit. Trust me on that one. Everyone's paths r so different and the way we handle our probs is also different from person to person. Its one big mess. :(

ty for the offer Mav HUGZ!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty for being so UNDERSTANDING Preeti!

**i juz expect ppl to listen n maybe a slight reassurance...not even empathise..

u nailed it hun.


I can see where ur comin from...ur life is driven by other ppl's dreams. it happens often with womens' lives...especially of women of our origin.


**itz almost like i wake up every morn to gt to work when id rahter go bak to sleep cuz thrz nothin to luk forward to

I so can relate to that.



**y dont u tke a break from all that sand n sea n come down to dirty ol' chennai.

that sure sounds like a down-to-Earth magical vacation :) aww I really wish I cud be there rite now!


*HUGZ* n ty for being so real!


Keshi.

@purV said...

somewhere in the middle of the post, 'fade to black' was the only song in my mind (before it even started playin')! so good choice on that one.. :)

and yeah, life screws e'one, but that it can always get worse.. sounds cliched I know, but try living with that. Your about me says - "I know life is too short so I try to 'live' longer every day...and yes one day at a time." Hope it stays true. Good luck!

Keshi said...

hey Iceman!

**This one is a privilege... to have it like that... EMPTY...

nah I dun WANT things in my life..EMPTY is good I know..but what do u do when EMPTY is FULL?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Swati tnxx hun n HUGGGGGGGGZ!


**uv always done the best you could with your life..been the best person you could be.

I think I just learnt to trudge along...and that became my life.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Apurv!

Metallica always makes sense ha. :)


**Your about me says - "I know life is too short so I try to 'live' longer every day...and yes one day at a time." Hope it stays true. Good luck

I know..just before I started blogging, I went thru something horrible in my life. And I adopted that LIVE FOR TODAY ONLY policy into my life cos of that.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

crasiezt said...

Get over it babe...it's OK to feel shitty sometimes, but you need to pull yourself together and back to blowing kisses all around:-)
*hugs and kisses*

Sweetstickychewy said...

Hhahahaha @ ya scratch scratch.

Amy paws ya a High 5!

Rock the weekend all da way Chica!:D

maverick said...

ty for the offer Mav

lol..tht sounded so formal :D

newaz..abt paths being different n ppl not being in same shit...i wouldnt agree with u...its just the perception abt varying degrees of the mess we are in..the mess is a mess after all..sometimes things just take their own time to unwind...b patient..unwind urself...do newthings...u ll b fine.. :)

@purV said...

'Metal'-lica anytime! :D

Have fun!

priya said...

Very sad post Keshi. U look very dull in this picture.

Lena said...

when i read the first part of the post it was like reading about myself.. when i read the second one, it was not about myself.
you see, keshi, life is never easy, people never care (weird but even i yesterday wrote a post about caring) but what your life is like depends on you only. It will be filled with emptiness only if you let it in.. Do not do it!!
If there are no people in real life who do care and give you what deserve, then hell with such people!!
You have got people all around the world who love you and care and thats real too.. that can not lead to emptiness, dear! I know you know this.
Maybe sometimes we need such posts to vent out our emotions, to get rid of our despair.. but it is not you, not the KESHI i got to know through your blog :)

Take care, girl.. everything will be fine :)

Mythily said...

Come on keshi... Dont be like this...

Whitesnake said...

In my post

http://whitesnake45.blogspot.com/2008/03/something-to-think-about.html

The thing that started it was the time I was at the scene of an accident and the car had ploughed into a tree.

The car incinerated and we could do nothing.

The screams will never go out of my head.

Sometimes when we are at our wits end we find that inner strength to keep on keeping on.

You will too.

Ya nose where I is.


:-)

Ghost Particle said...

the truth is you love this life a lot, and you will love it even more because you are true to yourself. nothing else matters. you are who you are no matter how stupid this life might become.

hugs n luv.

Nirmal's Blog said...

no comments..
only one thing 2 say....tears looks really bad in beautifull eyes...
sad but true..opps mettalica again..

vEENs said...

i wonder about flowers sooo much most of the time...

they are so beautiful..frm the tmie they are a bud...we marvel them for their beauty!
they help us breath easy and pure
they spread beauty and we use 'em as analogies

and sme idiots...cut them and make them into bouquets to make sme one like u smile on a terrible day as today..

and then crushed by the very hand who planted the seed to giv birth to such beauty....

and when u look at yur hand...it still leaves behind a scent...i wonder y they dnt feel ad..and stop being beautiful for one day.. :)

--

i m sayin u r a flower.. who scents the hand of those who crush yu.. never stop Keshi...u r God's very much best creation ...he made u when he wanted to be in lov.. and believe me....when i say that!

--

aren't we kinda selfish too :)

I m so selfish right.. i go on reading yur nice posts.. and never think u cud also have a bad day :)

when u desperately need me .. jus stay there.. believe in the belief thing in there.. and u knw what...a tight virtual hug for yu..

everthing wil be alright honey.. i promise :)

muaahhh!!!

LOVE YOU!

now smile sexy senorita...

u look sexy when u r sad... but u look sexier when u giv us those seducing looks :D

fifi said...

Dear Keshi,

I hope you are ok,
you seem like such a caring and nice girl, hope you cheer up!

fifi

Niyara - Asian Rocxs said...

like how your pics fades at the end. Wasn't sure what it was leading to with the list of your "good"ness... but lik every1 else has said SMILE n be HAPPY.

Jeevan said...

Your face expression seems so dull keshi, and these words are evident! Hugss dear.

"showed a happy face just so that others could sleep well," I do the same most often. Let the weekend refreshes you and put in peace and give much smiles :)

Shiva said...

Sometimes, emptiness haunts everyone. It's only momentary. Glad that you didnt fill it with a substitude. Just be a witness and watch it. It will disappear. You know what, in reality there's no emptiness, there's no void, there is no absence of everything. There is always something, waiting for you to be discovered or to discover you. Chill out girl!

Cheers
-Shiva

KP! said...

first of all you are not "A Mock Trial".....:). We all feel this way at times..u r not alone....but try to stay happy...:). I know its easier said than done...:). keshi u need some hobby..:). take me for instance, I have involved my self in all the sports....:). it works for me...see if you can find something to involve ur self..this is just suggestion...:)

Alok said...

A BIG HUZZZ Keshi ...

If I say I know wht u mean ... will u understand .... just one thing don't give up on the concept of life itself ... COME WHAT MAY.


Alok

anuj said...

keshi .. what happened. A sad post on the weekends, not fair. who says your life is not right, i mean a point comes in all of our lives when we feel that we have given a lot and we havent got a thing. that life is meaningless, but then we have happy days too.

I once read an article which said, that every individual thinks that his/her life is screwed, and it is only he who has troubles, and it is only with him that shit happens, where as in the true sense it happens with all of us, some or the other point in life a lot of people go through the same things, just that we dont know of it.

and theres so much to life that is left for you, a lot of life, a lot of pleasures and love that you'r gonna get in the future. Today might not be pretty but tomorrow could be beautiful. Who knows someone starts stalking you on the beach hun? :)

so chill .. its all cool ;)
you are gonna have a great time in life .. say AMEN ..

take care HP.

Amit said...

Hey...what happen to you Keshi..??
Are you alright?/

seems that you are not in good health and spirits..!!?!!

We all love you dear and trust me all the friends you have on this bloggerville will be there wid you till end of days. Try testing out any of you think and I am confident of the result.

We want to hear n learn from you how to fight against so called life and...
""aap ho ki maindan chhodke bhagne ki baat kar rahe ho...????!!

Paul said...

That's good - not that you're feeling unhappy, but that it's not the theological (illogical) problem that adds to a lot of people's misery.

Not getting what you want, unless it's food, shelter or health care, can easlily turn out not to be such a bad thing in the long run - and even a good thing, for more than one reason.

You can think you have it all figured out - the exact life that would make you happy - when, as they say, you don't know what you don't know. For myself, until I got sick, the real life that I had going was way better for me than the life I'd fantasized about until maybe my late twenties. And until then, I spent quite a lot of my inner life bemoaning that this and that weren't the way I wanted.

If it's bad enough, you have to get out of the circumstances. If not, adapting beats bemoaning, even though it can be quite a process.

Just talking from my own life here, no idea how much/little of this applies...

Gonecase said...

If everything would have been easy, pink...there wouldn't have been value of happiness...grays and blacks make pink look pink :)
All the best for this fight called life !

the stygian sailor said...

hey there.
if you didn do all the things thinking you were going to accumulate some good karma, look how you feeling now. there is no god. do the things you want to do.and have a good life.
carpe diem!
i am sure there are a lot of people who do care, maybe you dont realise they do!

rOhit said...

Isn't all this pretty common now. And if Keshi thinks she is the 'only' one surviving through such scenes. Well, good morning and welcome to the club. :)

No advices from my side, coz others advices never work and I can see you already got 100s of them. :)

Still Searching said...

I know those days... and I wonder what to do at these times.. I found a path that really helps me in these moments of despair.. at the risk of giving unsolicited advice, why don't you try the Art of Living course?! I don't say your problems will be solved, but you will definitely feel better about yourself and life, even if nothing outside has changed!! Just a suggestion - I hope you feel better soon anyways!!

Alok said...

Very well written, I must say. It has a nice flow to it, Fade to Black.. and the pics, nice!

I'm not sure if all this you wrote was a momentary phase(Metallica's powerful), or that it is something you are really going through, or that you just wrote it.

Thus, I'm not going to say anything else except this:

Happiness lies inside, you need not search for it anywhere else.

aneri_masi said...

Hows the pretty lady doing today?
Don't give up just yet...I called JA and asked him to drop by your house to give you a big hug...shirtless if possible ;) He'll be there anytime now!

Standbymind said...

this is so sad!
:(

Sourish Karmakar said...

Wat was dat........
my goodness
u have so much of frustration..
u kno why
beacuse u always led up the perfect life..
in sceince there is a law
every spontaneous reaction increases the randomness..and u have don all those reaction forcibly which kept u in the order of the society
so u r feeling exausted cause u really lost all ur strength fighting the against the spontaneity ...and u r feeling alone coz u dont have strenght left to keep up the order.. so u need support dats the drive against ur loneliness arising....















in short wateva the above u understood jus says..
baby kick away the order and move towards the randomness if u want urself to be spontaneous...

or in three words

babes! Break Free

:)

Nisha said...

Hi Keshi,

Reading through this post of yours... a moment i felt i was reading about my own self. Every word... I could relate to so very much. A phase, that I someday lived.

Beautifully expressed!

Keep up the good work!

Cheers!!!

P.S: I loved your blog... you are on my blogroll!!

Silvara said...

ahhh babe - good things come to good people and u are good in every sense o the word - not just by your deeds but by ur nature alone - so please don't feel sad - ur time will come :) think of all the people who recognize u just from this blog - we know you - and it's definitely a beautiful person.

tsduff said...

Keshi - it makes me sad to drop by your place and see your normally happy go lucky self so sad. Hope you are past the worst of the feeling badly - and are feeling hopeful again. I know I'm just a "contact" but hey, for what it's worth, I do care about what I know of you :) feel better! xo

fifi said...

no I'm not fifi box!!!! :-)

Keshi said...

Craziest tnxx hun!

*MWAH*


Keshi.

Keshi said...

High 5 dahlin @Amy!

;-)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Mav :)


**abt paths being different n ppl not being in same shit...i wouldnt agree with u...its just the perception abt varying degrees of the mess we are in..the mess is a mess after all

u hv no idea Mav...its ok hehe.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Apurv I love Nirvana too.

:)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Priya :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Lena!

**when i read the first part of the post it was like reading about myself.. when i read the second one, it was not about myself.

yes cos its me Lena, not u :) And really u wudnt say that if u knew wut Im going thru sweetz. But its ok...there r somethings that no one will ever u'stand unless they r in the same situation.



**It will be filled with emptiness only if you let it in.. Do not do it!!

I didnt let Emptyness in..it crawled into my life secretly and by fate.


**You have got people all around the world who love you and care and thats real too.. that can not lead to emptiness, dear! I know you know this.

aww yes...actual;ly its the only the blog world thats keeping me ALIVE these days, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.



**Maybe sometimes we need such posts to vent out our emotions, to get rid of our despair.. but it is not you, not the KESHI..


I agree..Im a soldier...I fight somehow. But there's something in my life that I cant fight. Its part of me that will never change. It won already, so I cant fight it.


anyways tnxx hun n HUGZ!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Mythily I wish I cud be something else...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww tnxx Steve, I know u really care.


**The screams will never go out of my head.

I was in a similar situation...and it haunts me to date. Actually...o nevermind.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Ghosty!

**the truth is you love this life a lot, and you will love it even more because you are true to yourself.

not really hehe.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Nirmal tnxx!

I'll tell u something that happens quite often with me when I cry...sometimes I check out myself in the mirror to see if I look good when Im crying. LOL!

My sense of humor wont die even if Im dying. And thats a good thing :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Venzx u write so beautifully. ty so much!


** m sayin u r a flower.. who scents the hand of those who crush yu.. never stop Keshi...

aww...thats a very nice thing to say abt me hun. But Im not sure if I can be crushed anymore...cos there's no more left of me..


**u r God's very much best creation ...he made u when he wanted to be in lov.. and believe me....when i say that!

He made girls like u when he was in love...cos he has a sweet path for u hun. When he made me he just wanted me to be lost..the path he made for me was totally screwed up and he didnt really care abt that.



**I m so selfish right.. i go on reading yur nice posts.. and never think u cud also have a bad day :)

hell everyday is a bad day for me Veenz...I just make it a good day somehow.


ty and I luv ya!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

heyy Fifi WC hun n ty!

U aint Fifi Box..Im sure of that now :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Niyara :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Jeevan tnxx mate!

**I do the same most often

aww HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ! Its a hard thing to do but I must say ur way too brave than I am.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Shiva tnxx!


**Sometimes, emptiness haunts everyone. It's only momentary

not in my life Shiva. I just fill that emptyness with music, thoughts, blog posts, smiles and just move on. But that doesnt mean that emptyness dun exist...I just shut it down forcibly.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty KP!

**keshi u need some hobby..

been there, done that, still nothing.


:)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Alok!


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Anuj!

I thought u hated my previous post so u disappeared again hehe.


**in life a lot of people go through the same things,

no Anuj..this may sound like Im just whining abt something that EVERYONE goes thru. The truth is no one here wud hv gone thru wut Im going thru...Im pretty sure of that. Just that none of u know everything abt Keshi's life. There r some things u just cant tell others no matter what. And Im sorry abt not being able to tell ya.


TC n HUGZ Anuj!


keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Amit ty!


**We all love you dear and trust me all the friends you have on this bloggerville will be there wid you till end of days.

what a sweet thing to say.

*HUGZ*

I didnt get that Hindi tho :(


dun worry..I'll be ok Amit. As long as u continue to see blog posts and comment-replies by me, IM OK. That means I hvnt given up yet :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Paul!

But sometimes I seriously question the existence of God..


**when, as they say, you don't know what you don't know.

true, I agree.


*HUGZ* n ty for sharing ur life experience with me. Ur so brave!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty GC!

**...grays and blacks make pink look pink

yes I agree. But what happens when ur PINK turns GREY?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Stygian is that u in that pic? If YES, Im so cured rite now! LOL! U LOOK HOT.


**if you didn do all the things thinking you were going to accumulate some good karma, look how you feeling now. there is no god.

thats exactly wut Im saying too. If good things happend to good ppl and if there's a God, why does horrible things happen in good ppl's lives?



**do the things you want to do.and have a good life.
carpe diem!

I like that attitude.




I cant believe this is that College kid who ripped this 'granma' apart in Tys' blog now giving me such beautiful advice and alot of love. awww :)

*HUGZ* n tnxx!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Rohit!

OMG another hunk :) Is that u in the pic? definitely I cant give up on life when Im surrounded by such hot men LOL!


**Well, good morning and welcome to the club

I know I know..everyone goes thru shit. :) but u really wudnt wanna know the shit Im dealing with hehe.


**100s of comments

hehe aint I lucky. I love all of ya! its all of u that keep me going. SERIOUSLY.


tnxx mate!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty SS MWAH!

** why don't you try the Art of Living course?!

wow sounds interesting, tnxx!

but I dunno if anything is gonna change wut I've become..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Alok WC n tnxx!

:)


**I'm not sure if all this you wrote was a momentary phase(Metallica's powerful), or that it is something you are really going through, or that you just wrote it.

Its something Im really going thru. But I hvnt given u all the details. So alot of ppl think Im just whining hehe.


Anyways tnxx for being here Alok and I hope we dun argue abt Men/Women here too LOL!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Aneri Im doin ok hun...tnxx alot for checking on me MWAH!


**Don't give up just yet...I called JA and asked him to drop by your house to give you a big hug...shirtless if possible

LOL haha I know that the whole blog world now know abt my JA addiction. U really made me crack up, tnxx hun ur beautiful!

*Im really crying now*

not cos Im sad but cos of how all u lovely souls try to cheer me up. Im so BLESSED!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Standbymind :(

Keshi.

Keshi said...

OMG Sourish-the-John-Abraham-lookalike is back, ok Im not sad anymore. :)

WB Sourish!


**beacuse u always led up the perfect life..
in sceince there is a law
every spontaneous reaction increases the randomness..

to a degree, I say ur spot on with that analysis abt me! I lead that PERFECT life yes..perfect meaning, everything ard me had to be perfect and yes Im running out of strength to keep that order. cos I hate mess. But apart from this, there's something else completely gone haywire in my life...


Anyways its good to hv ya back and Im gonna throw in some randomness into my life, just like u asked me to. Ur great on advice mate. tnxx n HUGZ!

keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Nisha WC n tnxx hun!


** a moment i felt i was reading about my own self

aww...Im glad that some ppl identified their lives thru this post. it happens to many ppl put there, trying to live that 'good' and 'obedient' life.


*HUGZ* TC!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Silvara hun all this sadness in Keshi cos ur not blogging regularly anymore :( HUGGGGGGGGZ I missed ya hun!


n ty sweetie..MWAH! Stay now ok, dun go anywhere leaving me here alone...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Terry!

** I know I'm just a "contact" but hey, for what it's worth, I do care about what I know of you

o dun say that hun...ur not just a CONTACT. If u must know, it's this very blog world thats become my Oxygen now. And I MEAN IT when I say it. The day that I stop writing and talkin to u guys, wud be the day I run out of Oxygen.


*HUGZ* I love ya!


Keshi.

The Grunt said...

Self awareness can sometimes be a total pain in the ass. I am hyper critical of myself, which both helps and hurts. It is crazy because I can still be bothered by something that I misspelled in an email or a paper that I wrote from years ago. That same criticism can also make me shine. The problem is that I get real burned out and quick when I step into the spotlight. It can be deathly lonely at times.

Prats said...

Hey Kesh....whats with the sad day?

You now I read this somewhere and wanted to share it with you..
**"Life ends when you stop dreaming,
Hope ends when you stop believing,
Love ends when you stop caring..Friendship ends when you stop sharing.."

I'm positive all thats troubling you, will disappear amidst nice vibes from friends around the world for you.
*hugs*

vEENs said...

***But I'm not sure if I can be crushed anymore...cos there's no more left of me..

---well yes thats true...u r one kind of a women Keshi and u knw what... i will always pray for the best for yu..

---No, Keshi..fight the inside of u which tells u that ur path is all screwwed up...because it is not! u will find yur way in time dear...

i knw everyone has there own battles to fight! and well...when u fight them..then is when u knw hw strong u really r..
because..i knw of many cowards who wud have thrown up there hands and said no we cant do all this...but u chose to fight yur odds...and for me u r a winner all the way!

I hoe God gives u the strength to move fwd dear..

always!

Amen.



**I m so selfish right.. i go on reading yur nice posts.. and never think u cud also have a bad day :)

hell everyday is a bad day for me Veenz...I just make it a good day somehow.


ty and I luv ya!


Keshi.

Ankur said...

Keshi, the day someone will write a post for me, in Sinhalese, i will learn if i dont know already!!!
:D


**I do live for today yes..even for this minute only. if I hadnt done that I wud hv been long gone..seriously

hope u stay keshi...

Cheers... and this seems to be a better day...

good morning!! :D

Cinderella. said...

Oh dear ! Where the fck was I ??

I feel so bad...damn...I hate myself now...

Girl, the word 'misfit' kinda struck a chord. I think we're all misfits in this materialistic world, for we are hearts that rest on love...hearts that rest on shoulders, not the backseat of a limo....

Yet, there's some voice deep down that says, "its gonna be ok..".
Just listen to her, for she's breathing he words to you, through every worse that happens...

And keep the candle burning...

Love you.
And forgive me for not being there, when I should have.
Take care precious.

vishesh said...

ops...keshi... i wrote a huge reply(as a poem)...but i forgot to post it here...its there in my blog anyway ...

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi-*applauds*-for what you've been through,while being 'good',right from never failing the family to doing everything to keep life going peacefully.(And,these things and the stamina you have to keep going on against all odds, are something to be grateful for,aren't they?

So,let me ask-what's bugging you?You have a whole lot of us net pals,who're happy whenever you're happy,right?You have so much to thank Him for-that all your systems are aok from the word'Go'-no disabilities,not even spectacles(hehe),et al...so, instead of feeling left out/lonely/ignored,let me suggest- make a list of things which you are happy about.Believe me,it works,in getting one out of this phase..I keep doing it-even today,I just made the list,coz I was feeling totally DITD(Down I The Dumps) for some reason.

Cheer up,gal,life's too short to think of the present as being empty and fading.Here's a couple of :):):):):) to end the cheer-up note.

carolinagal said...

Oh Keshi
This post made me choke :(
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are. Just don't say that you hate yourself. Why should you blame yourself for all the shit people give you? Hang in there...things will get better soon. You know what they say 'That doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!'
Cheers.

wildflower said...

my life 2 is a big zer0!

but one thing always holds true..it jus goes on.. & on..the path never ends...light never seems to near in this dark tunnel...nor do i cease to exist!

Pavi!!!! said...

Hey keshi

R u feeling any better now?(i'm reading this post pretty late).

Its a phase all of us go thru keshi..some in a more "prominent and extreme" manner than the rest.

n given all that u said about u..u shld love urself , not hate...

As for God...he exists re...if u feel ur facing more troubles, that's just coz he loves u more dearly and wants u to become stronger.

Keep that smile and restore the faith...it'll take u places u could never imagine.

Nora said...

xx

Nora

Keshi said...

heyy Grunty tnxx mate!


**It is crazy because I can still be bothered by something that I misspelled in an email or a paper that I wrote from years ago. That same criticism can also make me shine.

omg ur so like me!


**The problem is that I get real burned out and quick when I step into the spotlight. It can be deathly lonely at times.

so true!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Prats that was so heartfelt!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Veenz MWAH!


**No, Keshi..fight the inside of u which tells u that ur path is all screwwed up...because it is not! u will find yur way in time dear

I love wut u wrote there.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Ankur :)

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Cinderella dun be sorry hun...u cant be in my blog 24/7 cmon I u'stand that. HUGZ!


**I think we're all misfits in this materialistic world, for we are hearts that rest on love...hearts that rest on shoulders, not the backseat of a limo....

so true sweetz!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

oh ok Vish I'll check it out tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty AmitL!

but its always not abt not having disabilities etc. sometimes LIFE stares u in the face with so much of NOTHINGNESS.

I cant express it fully...Im not so skilled. but I hope u know what I mean.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Carolinagal HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

I LOVE YA!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Wildflower HUGZ!

**light never seems to near in this dark tunnel...nor do i cease to exist!

I so agree...it still keeps going on. With me, I dunno for how long tho.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Pavi HUGZ!

**...if u feel ur facing more troubles, that's just coz he loves u more dearly and wants u to become stronger.

mebbe ur right...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

*HUGZ* Nora!

Keshi.

SamY said...

* No one really cares, no one really loves...

One thing I've learnt over my recent tough times was to not be emotionally dependent on others. It can knock a person off no matter how strong once that dependence kicks in :). Sad but true.

* I hate myself so much. I have lost the will to live this mockery...cos simply I have nothing more to give. I'm fading into black and at high speed too.

I pretty much said all of these not too long ago :D. Guess over time u'll also realize how much more a stronger person all this made you. So hang on.

Here's my mum gyaan when I was darn low - Happiness is state of mind and how you feel is a choice "you" make.

I guess sometimes we just choose to be upset over somethings. Out of disbelief, disgust, disappointments, expectations not lived up to blah blah blah ...

Try something wacky in life you've not done before, like playing golf. There is so much to life nutty. And we've never seen enough of this world - good and bad. So keep going. Feel light at heart like you always do. And take your time.

elusive said...

Hope u r bak to ya normal crazy effervescent self

i got this cute sms tod thot of sharin it wid ya
Sumtimes yu win,
sumtimes u lose,
but no matta wot ur cards in life are
Clubs, spades or diamonds,
never play without a heart!

Keshi said...

aww Samy I felt totally cared for thru ur comment. ty n HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!


**golf

but i wudnt ever try golf, cos it bores me to death LOL!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Elusive I LOVE THAT SMS...beautiful! ty so much.

Keshi.

Judge Arse said...

This is what was going on with my son. Top marks in school, good citizen, no booze, no drugs, not even cigarettes. Then his principal calls to say that son is suicidal and they are taking him to the emergency room. I had no idea. Talk about having my head up my...
He is doing better now, is in therapy. People think that because someone is doing well on the surface all should be well. Sometimes its not. Mental health is tricky. The emotions have a mind of their own.

Judge Arse said...

I don't have friends no more either, just contacts. It hurts too much when friends decide to betray.
sucks though. :-(

Keshi said...

I agree with ya Judge. Infact its the quite Intelligent folk (high-achievers) who tend to get suicidal feelings.

Keshi.