I have been 'good' all my life. Never disappointed my parents, never did drugs/alcohol, never failed my family, never went around sleeping with men, never complained of not having enough, never went after money, never forgot to smile even when I was walking on fire, rarely got anything I wanted, hardly needed anyone to survive, achieved the highest of education and career amidst zilch emotional support, paid all my debts back to viscious lenders, stood on my own two feet all the time, provided for others even as my wallet was getting lighter, kept on going strong when I was really dying inside, showed a happy face just so that others could sleep well, lived every minute on uncertainity watching my future breaking into pieces, sacrificed my youthful dreams just to BREATHE, cried secretly so no one would witness my tears, did everything I could in my life just to keep this life going 'peacefully'...and I all get in return is EMPTY. No one really cares, no one really loves...and when I really need someone, no one's around. It seems I'm the only one doing all that. I don't believe in this mockery of a life anymore...and I don't believe there's a God. Cos if He was around He woudn't make me 'feel' so much and make others around me so stone-hearted. If you still say He's there, then my life was His one big 'design' defect. I'm His mock trial. Right now in my life, things are not what they used to be...I have come to a point where emptyness is filling me to the point of absolute torment. I don't revel anymore in the person I used to be...the person who did everything to be 'someone', to be loved, yet who never felt love. I wasted all those years chasing after something I wasn't supposed to be only to wake up being a total misfit. I hate myself so much. I have lost the will to live this mockery...cos simply I have nothing more to give. I'm fading into black and at high speed too.
Current Music: Fade To Black by Metallica