The Sound Of Silence

Don't you dare yell at me like that ever again! It's all about YOU 24/7 isn't it. Don't forget that others have feelings too, and are made of flesh and blood. You did something very unacceptable my dearest and now you can't stand the truth HUH! You pick up the phone and blow up on me like that? What the hell, am I your verbal bin? You can scream all you want, say that you are so clean and right, but none of that is going to save your soul. Deep down in your heart, you know that you stabbed the trust I had in you...you wrecked it...you played games with the bond we had. This was your last chance and you blew it too. I'm not gonna just sit and watch you mock me. You protect your ego and pride. It's ok to do so, but it's really ugly when you do that after inflicting emotional wounds upon someone else. It only takes a handful of selfish words to guard your conceit, but it takes tons of grace and humility to accept your weakness. I'm not going to argue with someone who thinks so high of themselves that their ego is ever so endless...it'd be pointless and a waste of my time. So I rest my case. Eat me alive if it makes you happy, I'm not gonna say a word. I can only hear a very loud NOISE that don't beckon me to speak.

Guys, just now something happened between me and a very close cousin...she can never get over herself I'm so bored by it. She did this same thing to me once when I was holidaying in NZ...on the way back from Rotorua, we had some silly convo over a Card game that lead into a heated argument. I quickly went silent after a while cos I really don't like shouting at each other...but this girl went on and on for about 2hrs (pretty much for the rest of the drive home). I could honestly say she traumatised me with her verbal attack. Though it was not abuse, she was totally out of control of her own self and it was sad to watch someone like her doing that. My other cousins who were in the van just listened in silence too..cos no one could stop her mouth. Well at the time I thought she was under alot of stress (cos she was getting married to someone her family didn't like etc) and maybe that's why she was taking it on us. So I could forgive her, after some time though. But today, she did the same thing again! She took me back to that day 2yrs ago and I felt awful and wanted to cry. I'm not gonna cry though...cos it's not my fault. I'd only cry if I myself let this happen to someone else. She has a problem...the problem is that she just can't accept it when she's in the wrong and she thinks that arguing forever like this would put her in the clear. Besides she has a set of standards for herself and a different set of standards altogether for others. Surely that's not gonna work, is it now! Besides who is happy arguing non-stop like this? She wouldn't let me talk for a minute! o I was so getting bored with her rant I hung up on her. Is that wrong? Cos she wasn't talking, she was yelling. It was like a suicide terrorist giving his final angry self-defending speech, yes she was that desperately self-righteous! So I told her 'you know what, you're RIGHT so let's just end this convo' and I hung up. I don't think I deserve to be subjected to that kind of gunk, so I cut it short. Some people just wanna be RIGHT...so I let them be right. It gives me peace!

Seriously I feel like I have become a nun cos of some people...I'm really sick of family shit and I'm so over some people's big fat egoes. And now I'm immune to such shit it don't affect me like it used to. But don't you hate it when people take you for granted and don't accept what they've done? Why is it so hard for people to keep quiet instead of firing with words that mean nothing? Anger makes you say and do things that'll probably make you regret for a very long time. Talk is cheap...sometimes Silence is the most powerful expression. The sound of silence is DEEPER than the sound of empty speech which is usually only LOUD. So I choose Silence. I'm not going to talk to her for some time...for a very long time actually. This is just my heart pouring out the pain.

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel Pain... ...

Current Music: You Know You're Right by Nirvana