Thursday, January 29

The Remains Of A Child...

I remember when I was a child...even the red ribbons in my hair colored my little world. And then I grew up, only to be living a broken dream. I see people, I hear stories...everyone is after something. It's all about self, and more and more Wants. People are never content, if only for a moment. This self-frenzied world is choking the very life out of me.




Something tells me haunting stories from the past...it beckons painful events...it whipsers unspoken words...it ruffles dusty memories...it brings up all the buried thoughts and strews them across the skies, echoing an evil laughter at the cost of my tears. A ghost haunts my very being, lighting a treacherous fire of my past...a past that won't leave...a love that grieves...a magical touch that's no more. The weight of the unspoken, the unheard, the untouched and the unseen is burying me alive...and the debris is all that's left behind. I'm a piece of a shattered dream...walking, eating, sleeping, smiling, dreaming again...clinging on to the last bit of life that's left in me...burned out yet struggling to breathe...broken yet pretending to be unscarred...wanting to keep alive amidst the death that I've become. Life is a mockery yet I dance to it's melody with my bleeding feet. A debris of life, that's what I've become...a handful of ashes that's thriving to be preserved.
I'm no longer fascinated by the red ribbons in my hair...cos Life set them on fire, and all I'm left with is the remains of a child...

(first pic was so very kindly created by my dearest friend Hemz)


I dedicate this post to Margie's friend Steve who committed suicide recently.

What do you gather from this post? Can you relate to it? Let me know your thoughts. Thanks in advance!


Current Music: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

159 Cranium Signets:

sawan said...

the first word which came to my mind after reading the title was "fossil" :P

Southpaw unplugged said...

In reference to ur comment in the last post....

Im sad abt that. So I dunno if I should be celebrating with the SL Army or I should be thinking abt the many innocents who died in the past few weeks...its a real tough decision to make.****As a srilankan u shud be happy, as a person who wud not like to be bogged down with terror u shud be happy for the Lankan army. Trust me the ones who r trapped, most of them were symphatizers in the past and are now paying for it. The army had been exceptionally carefull of not bombing the innocents so far and i believe they'll free all those trapped and taken hostage by the militants. The new leadership and the motivation has already achieved what cudnt be done in the last 30 odd years and being an Indian, this place has been our vietnam i m seriously rejoicing the success of the lankan army. No country deserves such hardliners on their soil and srilanka is no different.

Suresh Kumar said...

Dreams we had in the innocent days of child which gets killed slowly and that too in stages as we grow older and see the life clearly.

Whenever someone says 'This is life', I feel they are saying, 'Welcome to Hell'. Well, but to enjoy the life, have the child in you still alive.

Keshi said...

hehe Sawan..it isnt a humorous one tho...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Southy ur talking from an ARMY point of view. Im talking from a Civilian's point of view.

Im half Sinhalese and half Tamil. And I dun take sides either. And Im Sri Lankan head to toe, tho I live in Aus. And I feel the pain of what my country has gone through for over 20+ years now, more than anyone else does.


**As a srilankan u shud be happy

Should I be happy when so many innocents r being killed? They r SRI LANKAN too!

No Im not for any side...as I said before Im half Tamil and half Sinhalese, so I can clearly feel for both sides than a full Sinhalese or a full Tamil wud feel.

And who said the Army is taking care of ALL the civilians in Mullative n in the North? D u know how much the SL govt HIDES from the media?

Did u even see how they attacked SIRASA studios just cos it didnt cover enough of this war?

WOW thats something to be happy abt my Govt!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

And dun get me wrong Southy...I cant stand Terrorism and yes LTTE should be stopped on their tracks for good. But equally, the innocents need protection and I'd like the SL Govt to tell the truth and allow freedom of speech for the media and ppl!

And in case u didnt know, I lost 2 of my close uncles (police officers) in this war.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

tnxx Suresh that was very well put!


**'Welcome to Hell'

It sure is Hell. but I make my own Heaven..just to escape :)

Keshi.

Devika said...

I gathered all that I want --

Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Woman! is my lesson :)

JUST, one request Keshi -- don't change shades so fast, or run reels so fast...that one doesn't know what the movie is : )

wishes,
devika

Southpaw unplugged said...

Keshi, dont forget i m right now very much in that country and saying things after my own observation and not just reading newspaper and watching news channels. People do die in crossfire, there is nothing new abt it, but if that means u stop what u hv started u end up nowhere. The army is certainly not shooting at the civilians indescriminately, its the people on the other end using the human shield. Talking of the government, i m very optimistic abt the leadership now, they are already discussing with the moderates and will come up with a policy which sees that something like this never happens in future, but to make all that happen, the hardliners hv to go no matter what it takes. The thoughts and acts are on a right track for a change in all these years, give some credit to that atleast...

Keshi said...

hey Devika!

**Hypocrisy

:):) true.


**don't change shades so fast, or run reels so fast...that one doesn't know what the movie is

wut d u mean?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Southy i didnt say that LTTE should stay, did I!

u keep missing my point.


**The thoughts and acts are on a right track for a change in all these years, give some credit to that atleast

Did I say I dun give any credit to anyone? besides when one man has to die for no fault of his, for another man to live, I dun call that VICTORY.


But I do hope that LTTE wont ever come back again. D u think that'll happen? They r all over the world! Sadly.


Kesh.

Devika said...

You and me -- and the Blogville -- knows what it means...

Let's not make it more open..that the fowl smell covers us! :)

wishes,
devika

Keshi said...

After all of this, I hope the Sinhalese will treat Tamils equally...and give them their rights. I lived in that country...and my dad was a tough police guy like u. But he always treated Tamils equally...thats why Im like this too. I just dun take sides.

I want equal rights and opportunities for ALL in SL. Will that happen after this? If so, on that day I'll CELEBRATE.


Keshi.

Dalicia said...

is true..times are different we're consumed with consumerism. sigh..is surely hard to be a parent in this day of age.

we hope for the better. cross fingers

Keshi said...

Devika Im not sure wut ur talking abt...plz explain..tnxx!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Dal!

**..times are different we're consumed with consumerism

yes ur so right. its all abt MATERIAL gains.


Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

I m not missing ur point keshi, but no war can be choreographed to perfection...
Yes they are all over the world, but like i said since the leadership and the moderates have already come together and are discussing on a concrete measure for future, i m sure once that happens, it will not be easy for the hardliners to influence the public emotions.

sawan said...

I could not relate it to it for a simple reason. Yes, its true that life seems hard with each passing day, but i believe I am good enough to face it the way it is. If life was as easy as it was, then whats the fun in living? The pain that life has gifted me, the worse things that Ive seen and gone through, my tears, my blood, the way ive felt , everything has sparked me in some way or the other. some sow the seeds of creativity, some taught be how to be politically correct and many taught me the meaning of being diplomatic! life is sure a drama and as of now I am enjoying every hit i m taking .. cant predict the future, maybe tomorrow I might relate to it. maybe not :)

Devika said...

No more explanation Keshi.
Live, sorry Leave it :)

devika

sawan said...

yo i was first to comment!!!!! m happy :P

Keshi said...

Southy I never believed in War and never will. So I cant really celebrate now.

Like I said before I want equal rights and opportunities for ALL citizens of SL. And on that day I'll CELEBRATE.

Cos I dun celebrate WARS. The only solution to this decade long wars is to ADDRESS THE ROOT ISSUE behind it all. And thats giving ppl their RIGHTS.


Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

I m sure that will happens, orelse do u think the moderates wud hv accepted to talk...Lets be hopefull on that, i know it didnt happened in the past and thats where the hardliners succeeded in influencing the public emotions, but i found these guys a bit different from the earlier ones...

Whitesnake said...

Kinda reminds of how different we all are.

Like when some who loves ya saysÏ only want to see you happy." So as you walk out the door and fall into someone elses arms ya can here a gunshot and feel the pain in ya back.!

When i give i give cos I wanna not cos I have ta..but then peeps think they have to return the favour ...they don't......

Maybe thats why I treasure my own company.....

Keshi said...

Sawan ok tnxx!

But thats very different to ur LIFE IS A JOKE post u did recently :)

Keshi.

sawan said...

yeah, i wrote the first comment just after i read the title. i din knew what was in store in the post. so dnt take it as a smile over your wounds. :(

Keshi said...

Devika Im not sure wut ur saying. And its not fair to confuse me and just ask me to Leave it :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe Sawan first alrite :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Southy I hope so too. :)

but since ur in SL now and r up to dat with news, where is Praba now?

Keshi.

sawan said...

lol Keshi dear, i could not comment on my life depending on momentary instances , can i? i am sure if i really consider it, i would have more happy moments in my life than the moments which gifted me tears. the difference is that normally happy moments doesnt spark my creativity and sad ones reflect on my posts :)the idea is i dont smile 24*7, but yes i could take the tears. maybe life made me hard enuf :)

Devika said...

TAKE A BIT OF CONFUSION...ITS LIFE!

I'll give you company..I too am! :)

wishes,
devika

Keshi said...

ty Steve u got it!


**Like when some who loves ya saysÏ only want to see you happy." So as you walk out the door and fall into someone elses arms ya can here a gunshot and feel the pain in ya back.!

exactly wut Im trying to say!



**When i give i give cos I wanna not cos I have ta..but then peeps think they have to return the favour ...they don't......

Amen!


mate Im so very glad u got this post TOTALLY :) luv ya!


yes, and thats why I love my own company too..often.


Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

The LTTE claims that he is fighting along their sides, but i dont buy that, he's certainly escaped.

Keshi said...

hey Sawan..


** i din knew what was in store in the post. so dnt take it as a smile over your wounds.

to be honest, I did feel that way reading it the first time tho :)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehe Sawan tnxx!


**the difference is that normally happy moments doesnt spark my creativity and sad ones reflect on my posts

and this post of mine was one such moment for me..


Keshi.

Keshi said...

k Devika.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Southy I too think he'd hv escaped.

I just wanna see a peaceful end to this huge trauma on SL for so many years.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

btw Southy r ya in Mullativ or Paranthan?

Keshi.

sawan said...

u take care girlie, lucky are those who could smile away their tears ..

Keshi said...

k Sawan

Keshi.

AmitL said...

Hi,Keshi-'memories' is what the post says to me..memories of good days,bad days,serene days..and,today,these memories are affecting your present, specially when clubbed with the materialistic way the rest of the world behaves. You long for days of mental peace,feeling good about the self and the world..the days have not yet come..:)But,they will come,nevertheless..right now,what you need is a friendly hug!!:)*hugs*.
And,have you ever listened to this song: Ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haarke?(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKmaiduJVlE) An oldie,but,soo applicable today!
BTW,do check my post on http://amitsinspirations.blogspot.com. Something similar to these thoughts in it!

Keshi said...

aww ty Amit thats so kind of ya. u interpreted the post very well.


**You long for days of mental peace,feeling good about the self and the world..the days have not yet come..

ur right. its like Im seeking something thats not there.

I'll check out that song now and ur post too. tnxx alot for being so kind!

Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

Things will start to happen soon...:)

Now coming back to ur current post...:P, as usual i kept argueing with u earlier...:)

What do you gather from this post? Can you relate to it? Let me know your thoughts.****When i look back at my ownself, it was definitely a chaotic one, but i m glad it all happened or else i wud hv not had what i hv today...:)

Southpaw unplugged said...

Baak in colombo actually, hv a flight to catch in the afternoon...:)

Keshi said...

oh ok Southy...happy flying back home! :)


**When i look back at my ownself, it was definitely a chaotic one, but i m glad it all happened or else i wud hv not had what i hv today


nooooooooo Im not saying that at all. Im not complaining abt MY life here. Its abt the kind of world we live in...the kind of materialstic life most ppl live.


Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

I didnt say u r complaining, no ways...

Keshi said...

k then Im not saying that Im NOT HAPPY with my life :)

Keshi.

Southpaw unplugged said...

Btw i just posted a pic i took of the galle face road...:D

Margie said...

Oh no, I had a long, long comment and I lost it.
Now, I'll try again.
I don't remember what I wrote as I've had a horrible pain in my head all day long.
I'm very sad today as last night I found out a blogger friend committed suicide last Nov.
I had not been to visit him for a while (being to my being away from Blogville)
I grieve for him & his family.

Somehow I think a magical touch that's no more is about your dad and you are missing him and the life you shared with him.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But I do know how much you miss him and his presence in your life!
But, you got ur mum and she's an Angel...right?

I know whatever challenges you go thru, you will be ok as you are Keshi and you have the strength and you have a very good friend to depend on.... YOU!

And I'm here for you, too!
DON"T EVER FORGET THAT!!!

Gotta say bye now as I'm feeling quite ill with this bad headache!

Take care of that special girl I've come to know & love....

Luv ya, Keshi!

Margie

Keshi said...

tnxx Southy that pic brought back childhood memories!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

OMG Margie do I know him? Im so sorry. HUGGGGGGGGGZ! :(

It must be shocking for ya to find that out.

In life, we think ppl r OK...and will be OK. But who knows wut each and everyone in Blogville is hiding behind their smiles. Its so sad.


I know u'll always be there for me cos ur an Angel. And I love ya!

Abt my post...its many things luv. life good when u want it to be good..o.w. its all a big fat joke hehe.


*MWAH*

Keshi.

Margie said...

I know Keshi...your post was about life...the good & the bad!
And u are right..we never know what people in Blogvile are hiding behind their smiles.
Maybe a whole, whole lotta pain.
Yes, it's sad!

I don't know if you knew my friend that died.
His name was Steve.
I'll email u about him...ok.
I don't like talking about hin here.
I'm very sad though about him.
He was a wonderful artist & poet.

Damm, life can suck...it did for Steve & he could not go on with the mental pain.
At least he's not suffering anymore.

Luv ya!

Margie

Keshi said...

Im so very sorry Margie. I didnt even know him but I feel ur pain.


**Damm, life can suck...it did for Steve & he could not go on with the mental pain.

so true.

I dedicated this post for ur friend...and changed the song too.

Keshi.

Chriz said...

life is precious...

why? oh why?

Akshat said...

"Life is a mockery yet I dance to it's melody with my bleeding feet. A debris of life, that's what I've become...a handful of ashes that's thriving to be preserved."

Very very strong words Keshi!!

I know I should be giving condolence or grieving with you but then I guess Margie's friend's life sucked....or he wouldn't have thought of suicide as an option!!

So I guess the only thing left to say is may he R.I.P.

The song goes with the post!!

Touché

Take Care

Dawn....सेहर said...

The title made me think of something that is gone...and only memories are left!!!

Sad to hear about your friend but the way you have put it as your childhood...it brings the true emotions dear!!!

God Bless the soul and Keep you strong
love you
Hugz

www.fizadawn.com

Margie said...

Oh, thanks Keshi!
Very good choice of songs.
Steve surely would have liked to have known you!

I kept all the emails he sent me and have been reading them today.
Those were bettr days for him.

May Steve RIP.

HUGS!

Margie

MultiMenon said...

U sound really really disturbed..But then,everyone in dis world is bogged down by all thats happening around them and that is no good news I must say..

And yeah,ppl are fast gettin outta that shell that they used to relish in a very wierd way and are made to face the relitires of life.. :)

Well written..Tc!! :)

Nikhil

WarmSunshine said...

Yes Keshi I can relate to it...
I ran after my dreams, read "illusions"... only to find they were merely in my head all along.

I just came to office and all the way here I was thinking... where am i going? why am i ever going?? how is it to walk this foot path alone today? previously it was filled with thoughts of him, imagining wildly he'd soon be here and he would smile as we walked together... and even that lonely walk would be filled with sunshine... no.. read *warm* sunshine... now i find... life burned my dreams... and im walking will ever walk this path alone. maybe with someone else... but somewhere deep down, things will be the same way... cz there's a void in me that he created and it'll take God know how long to fill it up...

but yes, the child in me still lives, and it urges me to dream again... only that sadly, i try to dream with my eyes wide open. it's so hard and cold and difficult that way isn't it??

i know you can understand every word im saying... cz i somehow know you've been the way i'm feeling right now...

*hugs*

SMM said...

Hey Keshi....not been around for a while. Was crazily busy with work. And when I do come around finally to visit you, I see you need a friendly hug. All of us have our ups and downs and sometimes a nice cup of coffee with a brownie and a great all-out bitching session (:P) with a trusted friend works great.

There is so much pain and suffering in this world, but there is only so much we can handle. At least there is only so much I can handle :)

Keshi said...

tnxx Margie I got ur email. And I read abt him too. Seems like the world lost a GREAT FRIEND! He really sounds familiar to me...the kind I'd like to hang out with.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Chriz we really cant ask WHY...each person sees n experiences life in MANY different ways.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Akshat!

**I know I should be giving condolence or grieving with you but then I guess Margie's friend's life sucked....or he wouldn't have thought of suicide as an option

some situations in life makes ppl think that Death is way better than Life. we just wont know unless we r in their shoes. sadly.


And yes this is one of my fav songs :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Dawny!

yes...its abt the TOUCH thats GONE. ur spot on sweetz!

Keshi.

Margie said...

Keshi,
I just read what you wrote at the blog of Steve's friend.
You got it so right!

Thank you, dear!
You have such insight and a heart of gold!

MWAH!

Margie

Keshi said...

Margie!

**I kept all the emails he sent me and have been reading them today.
Those were bettr days for him.


aww that must be hard for ya...but yeah, Im like u too. I rem ppl who r no longer here by reading the letters they wrote to me or looking at their pics or belongings...


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Nikhil!

**U sound really really disturbed

:) not really. I think most of the world is disturbed hehe. And I get so put off by watching em.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Yes Sunshine girl I can u'stand every word, every breath and every emotion behind ur comment! *HUGZ* cos like u said, I've been there too.


**cz there's a void in me that he created and it'll take God know how long to fill it up...

yes there's huge hole in my soul...a void...full of emptyness. And Im not sure if anything/anyone can fill it up.


Anyways, u keep dreaming, even if its with eyes wide open. we just have to, dun we. MWAH and TC!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

SMM hey WB n tnxx! :)

** sometimes a nice cup of coffee with a brownie and a great all-out bitching session (:P) with a trusted friend works great

I agree...right now Im hv a warm cuppa hehe...


and ur right...there's only so much one can handle. well-said!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

No Margie, its not me..its u! ur the Angel with a golden heart that makes me wanna be so kind to all the ppl in the world.

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Margie said...

Ok then...we'll both be Angels with golden hearts being kind to all the ppl in the world!
I like that..a whole lot!
Makes my smile so much!

You are ONE IN A MILLION!
Keshi...
You really are!!!!
MWAH!

Good night!
I'm heading to bed...need some good sleep!

Margie

Hiren said...

Keshi, the innocence, the selflessness, the serenity, that joy in smallest things, etc of childhood is never gonna come back ... it gets burried gradually year after year and by now it has been burried far far under ....

but then thats LIFE ... it gets challenging with every passing birthday ... just like our school curricullums ... the questions asked by life just get tougher and tougher ... day after day ... and the sad part is that there aren't any tuitions to help us to seek answers :)

Anuz said...

Dear Keshi,
I want to tell you something.
I hate all this gyan sessions, but i now feel to do it.
Red ribbons never burn, they are still there and we the self-centered human beings fail to recognize its importance, we want grand, big and there is no end to it.
Somebody opened my eyes, when he told me that happiness is sole real thing, all this achievements, making big and making big money is all crap and unreal.
So I went ahead and find that its all real.
Buying a new pair of google will give me more happy than getting a package of some xxxx amount of money. I will be happy if someone says thanks genuinely rather than people recognize me and praising me.
people want money and respect? why? you command respect for when you are really deserving. Respect created due to fear will not last. People want to get rich fast and want to churn out the last bit, that will serve its purpose but it will let you loose everything else.
So we must leave the expectations and just be happy for what we have right now and try to get more, but not by pricing ourselves.
Sorry for all this long blabber and some of it is off topic, but i felt like talking.
hey, i need to ask few questions, but not on blog, any other means to communicate with you?

Keshi said...

ty Margie u too MWAH! :)

luv ya! sleep well.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Hiren!


I know..ADULT life is so very different to wut u see when ur a CHILD. And I can u'stand that.


**and the sad part is that there aren't any tuitions to help us to seek answers

its not sad not to hv answers to ALL the qns in life. its ok, really.

but ppl r so plastic...it leaves me drained.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Anuz! :)

I like wut u said. but thats exactly wut Im saying. cos it seems that the ppl ard me r all so different.


**Somebody opened my eyes, when he told me that happiness is sole real thing, all this achievements, making big and making big money is all crap and unreal

yes thats true. but why is it that Im the only one thinking that way? (Im talking abt ppl outside blogs)


anuz u can email me at kajole@hotmail.com

tnxx mate!


Keshi.

Amrita~Ams said...

"This self-frenzied world is choking the very life out of me."

"Life is a mockery yet I dance to it's melody with my bleeding feet."

wow...its awesome....u r damn gud writer keshi...
cheers..
amrita

Arv said...

Its sad to hear about Steve...

Your post signifies a crucial aspect of life...

some people come out as new persons from that burning fire... while some get burned but survive through to fight on... unfortunately, some dont...

Hopefully, you will come out of this phase soon... back to full blossom :)

take care da... cheers...

Jack said...

Keshi,

I am sorry to hear about sad suicide.

This post sums up the life. Childhood is when one is carefree and enjoys small things in life. As one grows old changes take place leading to life like a robot trudging along and doing what needs to be done. Past does keep flashing back and it is the painful times which keep coming in mind.

Take care

Trevor Penn said...

My prayers go out to Steve's family and Margie. How are you doing, Kesh?

Hemanth Potluri said...

What do you gather from this post?


some broken thouhts and relations...that hit me bi time ..:(..
Can you relate to it?


yes...but i to had some people suicided these few months bac...i was not close ..but sad..because love hurted them so bad :(...

Let me know your thoughts.

my thoughts are always open and u know abt it always...

Thanks in advance

u never have to thank me even in advance....

was feelin bad with swollen hand and thins sucked :(...

but its good...to read the post a thought full one..:)...

i hope u will bac smiling sweets...:)...i will come bac to comment more :)..

urs..hemu..

Rakesh said...

I guess, you're talking about the 'growing up' syndrome. Everyone is affected by it, sooner or later...

Richa said...

it happenes keshi, it happens with all of us. their are weak moments in all of us' lives.. but wat ive learnt is the weak moment come and go.. all u need is optimism.. commiting suicide isnt a way out. we are blessed with a life of human beings and we shud live it in real senses.. problems, come and go.. we have to give them a fight back and a hard one..

La vida Loca said...

rest in peace Steve.
Rest in peace.

joiedevivre said...

we end up remembering all those sweet memories...

Talking To My Soul said...

I have a song for you, Kesh. No, I have not written it.


"The dreams of my heart and my mind pass,
Nothing stays with me long,
But I have had from a child
The deep solace of song;

If that should ever leave me,
Let me find death and stay
With things whose tunes are played out and forgotten
Like the rain of yesterday."


Have faith, my dear lady. Life is always going to be about the good, bad and the ugly. Love it the way it comes. Remember life loves you too.

Now, smile.

*smilez*

Resurgence said...

Gal.... I can not match reading at the pace at which you publish ur posts but whatever I have gone through make me realize and point me out if I am wrong (If I'm wrong in this assumption then the entire comment becomes meaningless anyways...:) )that there remains a tinge of sadness in all ur posts. If I may, then take an advice from a fellow blogger: Life doesn't bogs us down, nor does it burn our dreams (ribbon in this case); it only tests us and put impediments so tat when we taste success it is sweet.

Relax gal and chill.. Njoy life.. its the most beautiful gift... cringe and crib but do njoy it.. :)

Nora said...

I think this may be a little painful to read right now [we've had a death in the family], so I'll just leave you a kiss and go, for now... x

Nora

venus66 said...

This post reminded me of a tragedy that happened many years back. It's still fresh in my mind.:(

http://mary-das.blogspot.com/2008/09/guilty.html

venus66 said...

May his soul rest in peace.

Trinaa said...

life happened to me too..after crying a lil..cribbin a lil n then cryin some more i decided to fight back..so life..here i come!! :)

KP said...

Life has its ups and downs!sometimes...it gets the best out of it..other times...the worst!
one must learn to live with it...

sorry to hear abt steve!

comfortably numb said...

dreams...hopes...aspirations...failures...dreams unfulfilled...hopes uncherished...reality bytes and bites hard!!!

DewdropDream said...

That is so sad!!!

Beautiful piece of writing Keshi. And I can so identify with it... it seems like the more you grow up the farther you drift away from the very things that actually defined you well.

Asha said...

Oh dear!! So sorry for Margie.
Although no such tragedies in my "blood" family, Arvind's only brother did kill himself few years ago. I was so sad for him, but it was somewhat a relief too because his brother suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia since he was 17 and went thru' hell with shock treatment and all.
In the end, he started physically abusing his wife whenever he would go off his medicine and he got very violent. He was obese, diabetic, had high BP, smoker, alcoholic and severely depressed. It's still a tragedy, I cried more than Arvind when he died but I am happy that nobody suffers now, including him!

Now, you missy! STOP thinking too much and enjoy little pleasure of life. You don't know how lucky you are to have a job, friends, relatives and mom, most of all. Smile thru' all the sadness, try!!

Hugs to you.
PS: Good to know you are familiar with Chettinad cuisine. It's spicy but I controlled the chilli pd a lot! :)

Akshat said...

Mine too!!!

Elithraniel Arawion said...

o course can relate 2 dis post... i feel d same way sumtimes.. tat i'm all that's left o a child.. wow.. well written.. suuper.. as always :)

Sweetstickychewy said...

Beautifully written as always.

***I'm a piece of a shattered dream...walking, eating, sleeping, smiling, dreaming again...clinging on to the last bit of life that's left in me...burned out yet struggling to breathe...broken yet pretending to be unscarred...wanting to keep alive amidst the death that I've become. Life is a mockery yet I dance to it's melody with my bleeding feet.A debris of life, that's what I've become...a handful of ashes that's thriving to be preserved. I'm no longer fascinated by the red ribbons in my hair...

Its amazing how you expressed this verse. Totally alluring and connecting at certain verses.

Life do appears like these during rock bottom moments to me. But there comes a time when hope preserves. At least thats what i choose to believe personally. sometimes its about what we choose to make out of the remains that serves our purpose. Thats usually how i work it within my own world though i must say its a great challenge when it comes to certain situations. But the feeling of changes does wrap my person at certain junctions. :)

Cheers!:D

utopia said...

i can soooooo relate to it cos i had such manic thoughts in the very recent past. but i realised i can't cling on to them and it'll only ever drive me insane. sometimes the voices in my head are so loud that the only way to silence them seems to be death. the nightmares continue though. how do i change the pattern of my dreams?

Cяystal said...

I somehow like being smaller than all of you.


:-)

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

I miss my birthplace but then I say to myself enjoy what you have not what you dont have.

Ria said...

OMG!why.....i really can't understand the sense of despair tht leads ppl to suicide. Its sad tht b4 v realise wht tht person is going thru, he/she has left the world! But if i come to think of it....does death sound like a solution to all the problems. I think not, i feel life is like a struggle; a struggle to be happy amongst the chaos and sadness around us, a struggle to find ur own space in this cramped up world where everybody is running after something or the other. A struggle to find peace within oneself....a struggle to discover what u want and why r u here. So thts wht life is according to me.

Phoenix said...

yes i could relate to your post and i too believe that life is a mockery.. ive been close to contemplating suicide.. not great thing to talk about but desperation and frustration makes one loose faith in god in oneself... said to hear about your friends friend... :(

may he rest in peace

akanksha said...

Very well written Keshi :-)
I had always wanted to write something similar...u gave words to my thouhts!
Hope u remember me! Yet Another comeback for me!

Kartz said...

What is the world coming to these days...

RIP Steve.

Peace.

Princess Mia said...

i cant put my thoughts together...will get back to this later

Die Muräne said...

Very good written Keshi. And great music to read it.

Memories come back to my mind out of the past. Some hurt, some make me laugh. I just listen to the silent voices in my head. And know, all I ever have is this very moment.

Sometimes this thought makes me sad. But more and more it makes me free.

ghee said...

awww,a very touching post,as usual Keshi dear...

suicide is also an issue here in Japan,and right now,a lot of people are real affected by the economy and struggling to survive...I hope it wont end in cutting their lives...

miss yah,Keshi!!!

BTW,you might want to see "the latest me".... :)

Just Click Here

Happy weekend ahead,gorgeous!!!

ghee

prabirsaha said...

Keshi,

Hmmm... Life is precious but one must know how to lead it. What I believe is problems are the problems of imagination and solutions are the solutions of imagination.

So it comes back to how you think and act. If you notice the way you CHOOSE to react to things actually determines your destiny. Is it not? Life becomes all about the choice you make every day.

I have seen 85% of the population focus on what they do not want in life rather than focussing on what they want in life. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and he was mumbling “I do not want tension”, “I do not want problems” and guess what he was in deep shit because he always focussed on what he does not want in life rather than channelizing his efforts on what he wants in life. A simple shift in focus make a huge difference…is it not?

One more thing I have learnt in life that there’s nothings called failure, it’s only feedback. So every failure which boggles a person can be looked as a great learning experience as failures are the best teachers. So it comes back to the very element of how one reacts to various incidents in one’s life … is it not?

It reminds me of a favourite poem from my early childhood days which I would like to share with all of you.
Life is a highway
On which the years go by
Sometimes the road is level
And sometimes the hills are high
But as we travel onwards
To a future unknown
We can make each mile we travel
A heavenly stepping stone
Make your journey a heavenly stepping stone ...

Keep Smiling and get Transformed!!!

Cheers
Prabir
www.transformationplus.blogspot.com

Transformation+ said...

Keshi,

Hmmm... Life is precious but one must know how to lead it. What I believe is problems are the problems of imagination and solutions are the solutions of imagination.

So it comes back to how you think and act. If you notice the way you CHOOSE to react to things actually determines your destiny. Is it not? Life becomes all about the choice you make every day.

I have seen 85% of the population focus on what they do not want in life rather than focussing on what they want in life. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and he was mumbling “I do not want tension”, “I do not want problems” and guess what he was in deep shit because he always focussed on what he does not want in life rather than channelizing his efforts on what he wants in life. A simple shift in focus make a huge difference…is it not?

One more thing I have learnt in life that there’s nothings called failure, it’s only feedback. So every failure which boggles a person can be looked as a great learning experience as failures are the best teachers. So it comes back to the very element of how one reacts to various incidents in one’s life … is it not?

It reminds me of a favourite poem from my early childhood days which I would like to share with all of you.
Life is a highway
On which the years go by
Sometimes the road is level
And sometimes the hills are high
But as we travel onwards
To a future unknown
We can make each mile we travel
A heavenly stepping stone
Make your journey a heavenly stepping stone ...

Keep Smiling and get Transformed!!!

Cheers
Prabir

Transformation+ said...

Keshi,

Hmmm... Life is precious but one must know how to lead it. What I believe is problems are the problems of imagination and solutions are the solutions of imagination.

So it comes back to how you think and act. If you notice the way you CHOOSE to react to things actually determines your destiny. Is it not? Life becomes all about the choice you make every day.

I have seen 85% of the population focus on what they do not want in life rather than focussing on what they want in life. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and he was mumbling “I do not want tension”, “I do not want problems” and guess what he was in deep shit because he always focussed on what he does not want in life rather than channelizing his efforts on what he wants in life. A simple shift in focus make a huge difference…is it not?

One more thing I have learnt in life that there’s nothings called failure, it’s only feedback. So every failure which boggles a person can be looked as a great learning experience as failures are the best teachers. So it comes back to the very element of how one reacts to various incidents in one’s life … is it not?

It reminds me of a favourite poem from my early childhood days which I would like to share with all of you.
Life is a highway
On which the years go by
Sometimes the road is level
And sometimes the hills are high
But as we travel onwards
To a future unknown
We can make each mile we travel
A heavenly stepping stone
Make your journey a heavenly stepping stone ...

Keep Smiling and get Transformed!!!

Cheers
Prabir

Keshi said...

Amrita WC n tnxx! :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Arv!

**some people come out as new persons from that burning fire... while some get burned but survive through to fight on... unfortunately, some dont...


spot on!


I dun think its something I can COME OUT OF Arv...its the truth isnt it?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Jack!

**life like a robot trudging along and doing what needs to be done

exactly. And its no fun.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Im doin pretty good Trevor tnxx and urself? :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Hemz Im really sorry abt those friends of ur's...HUGS!

shit happens...life is not abed of roses...some realise it way too soon.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Rakesh!


**I guess, you're talking about the 'growing up' syndrome. Everyone is affected by it, sooner or later...


yes everyone gets affected by it, but not everyone wants to go by it.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Richa!


**their are weak moments in all of us' lives.. but wat ive learnt is the weak moment come and go.. all u need is optimism


its not even abt being pessimistic. even if it is, isnt the truth sometimes bitter?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Lavida!

Im sure he's in PEACE now.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

we do Joi...and then we think what happened to all that anticipation...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Soul!


**If that should ever leave me,
Let me find death and stay
With things whose tunes are played out and forgotten
Like the rain of yesterday."


beautiful! if the child in me dies, I'd rather be dead too.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Resurgence tnxx!


**Life doesn't bogs us down, nor does it burn our dreams (ribbon in this case); it only tests us and put impediments so tat when we taste success it is sweet.

yes thats wut Im saying. but life does burn us down sometimes. cos life isnt a bed of roses all the time. sure, it must be testing us but I dun wish to be on a permanent exam ;-)


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nora HUGZ!

TC luv!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Venus I'll check that out soon!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Talking To My Soul said...

Tell you what? I can almost see you, Kesh. Even as I write this, I can see your replies to the comments. One by one. See, someone is watching you. Besides God, of course.

Smile and spread smile. No one does it better than you here. Margie will be fine soon. God bless Steve's soul.

*smilez*

Keshi said...

Good on ya Trinaa! :)

In my case, Im not sure if I should challenge life...cos in the end, fate sits in a corner, laughing at me somehow.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty KP!

My life is fine. Im not complaining either. Im talking generally abt life n this world. its a selfish world. ppl r so up themselves.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty CN!

**reality bytes and bites hard!!!

VERY TRUE.

Alot of ppl hide the truth, put it behind and pretend. I just cant.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Dewdrop tnxx hun!

**it seems like the more you grow up the farther you drift away from the very things that actually defined you well.


I so agree. I had a very different view of life when I was a kid...now its all messed up.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey Asha Im so sorry to hear abt ur Brother-in-law. Thats so sad. HUGS! I hope his family is doing alright.

I hv a friend with Schizophrenia. Its so hard for her. Cos her actions r driven by the chemically-imbalanced thoughts that she has no control over.


**You don't know how lucky you are to have a job, friends, relatives and mom, most of all. Smile thru' all the sadness

I know Asha. Im not even saying my life is sad. Life in general is cruel..cruel to alot of ppl. Im better off yes, but I cant be happy just for MYSELF's sake when someone else is suffering...Im like that.

:) HUGS!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

:) Askhat ur taste in music is great!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Elithraniel ty for u'standing how I feel!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww ty Amy I missed ur wise n wonderful presence here!


**sometimes its about what we choose to make out of the remains that serves our purpose.

true. yes there's a choice but I dunno for how long I can hold that choice too...u know wut I mean na?



Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Utopia!

I feel so understood after reading some comments here..that means Im not alone.


** sometimes the voices in my head are so loud that the only way to silence them seems to be death. the nightmares continue though. how do i change the pattern of my dreams?

its hard...all this time I just IGNORED em...I still do. but how long can u ignore the truth for?


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hehehe Crystal that was a good one!!

stay young always :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

aww Hobo..

**I say to myself enjoy what you have not what you dont have.

I agree but sometimes what we dun have becomes an excruciating pain and an unstoppable fire.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Ria!

I guess everyone sees LIFE differently and under variant shades light. Cos everyone has their own story. And its so hard to compare 2 ppl's lives with one another's. Also, cos ppl r made different and think and react different too.



** think not, i feel life is like a struggle; a struggle to be happy amongst the chaos and sadness around us, a struggle to find ur own space in this cramped up world where everybody is running after something or the oth

thats a lovely way of seeing life Ria. Im so glad u found ur anchor in life...I hope u will always be happy HUGS!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Phoenix!


**ive been close to contemplating suicide.. not great thing to talk about but desperation and frustration makes one loose faith in god in oneself


HUGS! I agree. Alot of ppl r afraid to talk abt it cos they think its WEAK and something to be ASHAMED of. I dun think so. Talking abt TRUE feelings is shows STRENGTH of character...just like how u did here in the open. Kudos to ya!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Akanksha ofcourse I rem ya! WB, TY n HUGZ! :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Kartz its all a mess.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

no worries Ria HUGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty Murane!

I agree..its only this MOMENT that we have.


**Sometimes this thought makes me sad. But more and more it makes me free.


WOW beautifully put! yes that sadness sets me free. cos if u hvnt been there, you'd never know wut it is to be FREE. well-said mate!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

Ghee u look abso-frikkin-loutely HOT girl WOW! :)

ty n HUGS!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

awwww Soul so u've been watching me secretly ha? :)

*smilez* n ty so much!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey ty Prabir!

I know u care.


**I have seen 85% of the population focus on what they do not want in life rather than focussing on what they want in life

I agree. thats what Im saying thru this post. such ppl r choking me to death! :)

And ty for that lovely poem!


Keshi.

Keshi said...

I guess Transformation is u Prabir? :)

tnxx!

Keshi.

Vest said...

Pre 60 years ago honesty harmony stability hope marriage and family existed.
It was replaced by the ever increasing velocity of the shickelgruber syndrome of hate destruction conflict mistrust and greed. X.

shnaggy said...

oh keshi, that is so sad...
i could relate to a child having dreams of bad memories, i think every child pass through that stage. but most of us just PASS it. cuz we are well equipped to handle things even at an early age. memories bring out the colors of our lives...

Keshi said...

ty Vesty!

**It was replaced by the ever increasing velocity of the shickelgruber syndrome of hate destruction conflict mistrust and greed

I so agree! well-said.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

true Shnaggy. tnxx alot!

Keshi.

Kartz said...

Yes, I quite understand...

My condolences.

Peace. Be well.

KP said...

i know..ur life is great mate:). i was refering to people like Margie's friend...who couldnt fight with life!...its sad...

Sweetstickychewy said...

***yes there's a choice but I dunno for how long I can hold that choice too...u know wut I mean na?

Yeah i feel ya sweets...:)

Warmth.

Beach Bum said...

Life is a mockery yet I dance to it's melody with my bleeding feet. A debris of life, that's what I've become...a handful of ashes that's thriving to be preserved.

Coming in late on this but I have a few thoughts. Frankly I'm tired from dancing this melody as well. Everything I try to do seems to be derailed and ridiculed by those close to me. From my wife who treats me like a piece of furniture to a coworker who seems to have a endless supply of knives to stab in my back then run off and play hero in a situation he carefully setup to make him look good. If it wasn't for my kids I would be long gone.

Keshi said...

ty Kartz!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty KP!

Well my life isnt great great :) but I really hv no problems compared to so many ppl out there. thats how I see it.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

ty dahlin @Amy

:)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

hey BB!

I guess Im not alone then? :) HUGS!


** If it wasn't for my kids I would be long gone

Im glad u hv ur kids as a reason to live.


Keshi.

Adisha said...

Despair at it's worst, when what you work for all seems to be a myth ...

Then comes a time when it's hard to get up and get going. But thanfully mostly these phases Can be passed and we move onto other dreams. Yet when the memories of these hard times haunt, one's heart gets broken all over again in the fear of losing what we have Now ...

Cheers,
adisha

Keshi said...

well-said Adisha. tnxx alot!

Keshi.