Keshi Kringle

HO HO HO! how's it going my sexy reindeers? Well last night this Santa woman couldn't go to the beach as she planned (like most of the things in life really don't happen as we plan). Cos it was raining cats and dogs, even koalas and roos! So I drove to my cousin's place instead...and since we decided to have a massive Christmas party on the 25th with family and friends, last night we picked names for Kris Kringle (Secret Santa). You wouldn't believe who I got! One of my cousin brothers that I really adore - I really love being his Kris Kringle yayyyy, Ho Ho Ho brother here I come in my red-suit now singing...

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells,
Robin Laid an egg,
The Batmobile lost a wheel,
On the M6 Motorway
Dashing through the snow,
On a pair of broken skis,
Over the hills we go,
Crashing into trees,
The snow is turning red,
Think I might be dead,
All I want this Christmas is an artificial head! heyyy!.

Can you please help me decide what to get him as the pressie? Here are some details about him. He's my oldest cousin bro and he's married, and is also a dad of a 2yr old little cutey (pic on right). He loves music (he loves Opera too urghh!), he's very calm, sweet, very very helpful and absolutely good-hearted. That doesn't help you much ha? LOL! ok just tell me as a guy, what would you like to get from your Kris Kringle? The budget is $10-$20. I know I'd definitely stretch that cos I'm not a great fan of Reject Shop. So guys, please throw me your ideas and help me get something cool and not too common, for my sweet bro ok?? Thanks dudes!

So yeah, this will most probably be my last post for the year 2006. What a year it has been! Lots of turbulance while flying, but the view was great so I didn't jump out of the flight ;-). Wanted to complete my trip and reach the destination safely somehow. I say year 2006 was a year of revelation...a year of complete change...a year of my soul waking up after sleeping a thousand years...a year of a million tears but also a year of golden bonds...meeting strangers who poured their hearts out to me. I swam with the Sharks and Stingrays that I feared. But the real danger came from the Starfish - the attractive and the most harmless ones. I loved the swim anyways...cos I made true friends with the corals and the moss, the rocks and the stones, the sleeping beauties. They listened quietly and they cared. And they didn't mind my tears falling on them. Mostly they had time and heart to offer me. Thank you my friends I owe ya many

Guys from Friday afternoon (22nd of Dec) I will be off till the 2nd of Jan 2007. It's gonna be a good break cos I have cousins over at my place from NZ for 10 days. I'm gonna have lots of fun with them and I will also be busy taking them around Sydney. So yeah, it's gonna be all good. So I don't think I'd have time to blog from home at all...so I'll be away from all of you for a little while (and Im sure you need a break from this Keshi too (rolling eyes!)). awwww I'm missing you already. But hey how can I miss you when you reside in my heart, and I mean it (especially all the hot guys who come here lol!). You always do. So have a very Merry Christmas, a grand New Year and a safe holiday season folks! DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. Let me hold the banners for your safety now - STOP, REVIVE, SURVIVE. And another one...DRINK-DRIVING IS A CRIME. Remember that and also remember this - the greatest Chrissy gift you could ever give anyone is a bit of real Love - it's not that iPod, the CD, the sexy dress, the Rolex, the super toys, the cool shoes or the diamonds - it's a little piece of your heart, and it seems so hard for some people to give. Look at nature and we should learn from them. The Lions,the bears, the birds and the deer don't leave their kith and kin for money or big dreams, do they? They love each other and stick together no matter what. Between them they don't even know what HATE is. And hell na they don't go shopping during Christmas...they are the same to their loved-ones all through the year. So why do we humans behave somewhat differently? Anyways Hakuna Matata guys, think about it over Christmas. Ok so take care guys. LUV YE MWAH see you's in 2007 then!

UPDATE:Gonna rent a Boy-friend this Christmas so I can kiss. Haven't kissed in a zillion years and I feel like an eskimo living in an igloo with no human contact. Gonna grab a cute guy (yes any guy) and kiss deeply. Think it's a good idea folks?

Current Music: Circle Of Life by Elton John (from the movie Lion King)

Current Music Update: Suraj Hua Maddham (from the Hindi movies Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)

Current Music Update 2: I Have A Dream by ABBA

Numb

These days I walk around like a zombie...comfortably numb head to toe, and humming Nirvana's 'Dumb'. You may ask what's wrong with me. Nothing actually. Just that I've become emotionally numb. I can't seem to feel anymore. Must be just a temporary numb/dumb phase but it sure feels great. Cos I don't seem to care and not caring about anything/anyone seems to have set me free. You know, how you suddenly realise that nothing is worth putting an effort on...like everything is just total shit that's not worth your efforts and time. Well it's that feeling and it has granted me freedom. I don't know if it's a good thing but I'm high. No I'm not on LSD, neither do I need a shrink (looks at Bev hehe), but I sure feel great man :). Tonight I'm going to drive down to the beach, just by myself. I wanna sit there and feel the breeze, stare at the waves, listen to the sound of my feet touching the sand, smell the sea, collect some sea shells...all by myself you know. I haven't done that in a long time. I used to always want someone in my car to go places...you know, some company. But I realised that the state I'm in right now makes me wanna be alone and hey who said it's bad. It's not bad at all. Numb got me flying high.

I think I'm going insane...well that's even better. Cos one will never know what life really is without a bit of insanity striking them good. btw this photo was taken 2 weekends ago. Don't ask me why I'm not smiling (or am I)...cos I was just numb. Wanna join me and have some Pennyroyal tea with me at the beach? yeah I know...Keshi's lost it but it's all good mate, dun worry! I haven't been this happy. It's good to be dumb and numb...it makes you totally happy.

Im not like them

But I can pretend

The sun is gone

But I have a light

The day is done

But Im having fun

I think Im dumb

Or maybe just happy... ... ...

(Dumb by Nirvana)

Current Music: Dumb by Nirvana

Address Of My Heart

No we didn't dance...main dancer wasn't there...next time, and we all have ups and downs...don't worry..see you next time I'll organise something ok..

take care
bye S.



That was a message from a dear friend who was at that party on Sunday. She missed me so much and so she sent me an email Mon morning asking why I wasn't there. And then I said I had a problem so couldn't make it, and I asked if they danced and that was her reply. Anyways, I'm glad people do miss me too...that means I have touched them in some way that they really wanted my presence. How sweet. Guys I also made some pretty difficult decisions yesterday (I was forced to cos I had no other way to deal with this any longer) and I'm gonna stick to those decisions somehow. With the New Year around the corner, I'm gonna be a new and somewhat stone-hearted Keshi. I don't mean to say I'm gonna be Cruella DeVil. What I mean is I'm not gonna be around for people who have no respect for my feelings. I used to care about others all the time and it has certainly taken the toll on me. It was overkill. So now I must start caring about myself too. Since I don't know how to be heartless and selfish, I'd rather not give attention to such people. I think silence is better than wasting my breath on them and I have decided to go far away from them - sometimes physical distance is a good start. So that I wont be around for them as a bait for their evil pleasure. I deserve better, don't I? And I must thank all of you who are always right here waiting to make me feel better. Without you guys I wouldn't be feeling OK and this strong. So a big THANK YOU to you!


Now I wanna make this post a fun one...cos I'm tired of all the drama in my last post and sorry to have tired you all too. So here it goes: If there was a Tsunami coming your way and your house is bound to be destroyed (yeah it's all about storms this week haha!), and you could only take one thing from your house, what would it be? I'd say your answer will most probably tell you where your heart is. Your answer will be the address of your heart.


This is my answer: I would take my photo albums. Cos that's where all the precious moments in my life are preserved. And that's where my dad (and many other loved-ones who are no longer in this world) still smile back at me. So if the photos get lost, I'd lose a big part of my life too, cos I can never capture those moments again. Everything else in my house I can easily replace. Cos even though those memories are in my head, what if I suffer from Dementia some day (not that I don't have Dementia now (rolling eyes...)). Then atleast I can look at the pics and think of those lovely people and those golden moments. So that's what I'd take with me. (o btw if I can, I'll try to take my iPod too only cos I can't live without music even during that short period of running out of the house hehe). Now how about ya?



Current Music: Fall At Your Feet by Crowded House

The Storm

Have you ever had a storm rip your heart out and take away with it everything that you've ever had? Have you ever lost everything you ever worked and lived for? Do you know what it is to lose all your dreams overnight? Have you ever felt so lost and destitute that you feel you'll never come out of it alive? Have you watched your dreams break into pieces and realised you still can't do anything about it? Have you lost your self completely that you begin to miss what you were before? Did someone ever steal your life that it seems it doesn't belong to you anymore? Did the storm leave you naked and in tears? Have you ever had someone laugh at your feelings as if you were nothing? Did you ever feel so hurt that there were no words to express it? Did you feel muted by that hurt itself? Have someone close to you ever made you feel that you are less important than the rest of the world? Did someone ever disgrace you infront of others that you just wanted to die? Did the whole world laugh at you along with him/her? Did you ever feel so misunderstood that you feel silence is better than saying anything at all? Have you just wondered what your life would have been if not for the storm? The storm that changed you forever. The storm that took with it everything that belonged to you. The storm that washed away your life and left you with nothing but a memory of someone who used to be. Have you ever watched your life just pass you by? Have you ever lost everything? I can't seem to begin again.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I had a terrible Sunday. This post came out of that experience. I have no words to express how lost I'm feeling right now, so please bear with this very personal post that may not make sense to you. Some people have no aim in life but to revel at the hurt and tears of others. I can't believe this is happening to me but who am I to question ha? I'm just another being in this big wide world who is subjected to hurt every single day. It happens to everyone and I'm no exception, so I'm not gonna ask WHY ME. The part that's unbearable is when it's someone who's very close to you that does this to you. Well maybe I'm ill-fated to be affected by someone like that, who knows. But I won't say I'll get used to it either cos I can't and I won't allow anyone to dampen my spirits. Whoever I have become from it all, I know it's a better person - a person with more sensitivity towards others' feelings. When you lose everything, in a way you become completely free. Cos after the storm everything is washed away. You have nothing more to lose.

Right now I had no one to talk to when I was truly broken. I just cancelled a bday party I was invited to while the person who hurt me went ahead (and it was my good friend's party so I felt bad not being able to be there...but she understood my feelings so it's ok). Anyways I wanted to talk to someone and there was no one around...except one good friend who was also on her way to a meeting, so I couldn't trouble her for too long with my probs. Called 2 other mates and they were not available either. Isn't it strange that sometimes when you need a friend, there's not a single one around? Well I felt like that today. Then I thought of all of you and I logged in and wrote this. I really am very thankful for blogs, cos if not for blogs, I'd be long gone by now. You guys are the best, so incase I never get to tell ya here's a big THANK YOU for always being here for me! For those people in my life who don't wanna hear what I have to say too, this blog will remain for them to read someday when they are ready to hear how I felt, and then it may well be too late to say sorry (Life is only a passing flash...say your dues without delay). But with you guys, I don't feel lonely anymore no matter what. Hail, rain or sunshine, I somehow find my shelter in you. Having posted this, I feel heard, understood and hugged. THANKS guys you're amazing and I'm sorry if I didn't say that before!


Current Music: One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey

Psychedelicious!

First of all, if I'm not in your blogs anymore there is a stinking reason for that.

Since I'm a Classic blogger, I cannot comment in Beta blogs that don't allow Anonymous comments. It's pissing me off big time. Even if you allow Anonymous comments, I really don't like leaving Anonymous comments that make me look like some faceless gunk walking around with a pillowcase over her head. I like to be able to login and have my profile pic for identification when I comment. If Blogger can't get that to work and if Blogger is making us Classic bloggers look like some old trash that need to be flushed into Beta, then that's when I'd really stop blogging for good, not when I die like I said in my last post. Just this morning I gave up trying to comment in 3 Beta blogs and left tearing my hair out feeling like an illegal immigrant.


Ok today's thoughts are about psychic readings. Why do some people live on psychic readings (Astrology, Horoscopes etc) and are so addicted to them? Now there must be some truth in those star/planet related matters, but not to the extent you wanna setup house in Jupiter? cmon now! I know that alot of Indians believe in Astrology/Psychic readings etc. My mum does too (although she's not loco about it). Well there's someone I know who wants to know everything that's gonna happen in her life through these readings (let's call her Chantel). I told Chantel that her life is not to be predicted by some robe-wearing crystal-ball churning genie, but it is for her to find out herself as it unfolds. She says that it's better to know what's gonna happen in future so she can be prepared...huh prepared?? If it's predicted to happen how can you change it? I don't get it. Anyways who could predict your life 100% accurately? Even if someone could do that, how stupid would it be to know all of that and have nothing adventurous to look forward to in life? Cos when you already know what's gonna happen, where's the magic of life? And if it reads something real bad that's gonna happen to you, how awful would that be living each day expecting that to happen? Some people are crazy about matching horoscopes before getting married, and it doesn't make sense to me at all. And I know that some psychic readers cheat people real bad too. They just make money and make a fool out of you. There is this aunt of mine who gave so much money to a psychic reader to get her life read and in the end, nothing was right - it was a total disaster actually.

What about talking to dead people? Is it really possible (especially when I find it sooo difficult to talk to some people who aren't even dead yet LOL!)? I'm curious about that one though cos I used to watch John Edward shows on TV. He seems so accurate and most people are really impressed with him. Some people do have the gift of the 6th sense and perhaps that makes them tap into other territories of the Universe, such as prediciting the future or even communicating with beings on other planes. Alot to research on that though (if you have time, read my previous post The Unfelt Touch). I have been to one such ghost whisperer (just once) when my dad died. I went along with my mum and I was about 16 then. Well I wasn't sure if that reader was genuine. I felt so bored and felt she was just bluffing big time. All the while she was supposedly communicating with spirits, I was dreaming of California. Anyways have you had such experiences? If so please share with me cos I really do wanna know if there's some truth in it.

The closest they got it right was when such a reader told my mum that I'm a smart-ass...LOL so they are not that bad after all ha :). Well I'd say everything has a limit. You may be intrigued by it and it's ok to get your future read maybe once or twice (maybe just for fun even). But if your companion for the office Christmas party is your psychic reader then there's deep trouble hunny. Chantel must be saved before she starts asking her psychic reader everyday if it's ok to get out of the bed. Have a good one folks :).


Current Music: Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work

Neverland

My mate Starbender cast a bewitching spell on me with her magical wand and whispered 'Keshi now list 10 things you would NEVER do in your life'. So here they are:

1. Kill someone (although I have a mental hit-list)
2. Cheat someone (but I cheat myself sometimes)
3. Steal from someone (unless ofcourse it's a cute boyfriend of some bitch that don't deserve him)
4. Eat snakes/frogs/insects like some people do (I'd rather mutilate in hunger)
5. Become a sex worker (not even if I'm about to be hanged)
6. Live if I ever become deaf (you know how much I want music in my life)
7. Trade my values/beliefs for the world (not even for Robbie Williams)
8. Sky-dive (will probably die out of fear 2 days before the dive)
9. Become fat to the extent that I'd dislike myself (even if I do I'd somehow get back in shape)
10. Stop dancing and blogging (unless I die)


Ok go ahead now...you too can list your 10 'will-NEVER-do' items.


Current Music: You Can Do Magic by America

Will You Marry Me?

People propose at the weirdest places these days. The other day I was watching a show where a guy proposed underwater to his long-term GF. They were snorkelling and suddenly he went down on his knees (atleast it seemed like that from his funny movements struggling with the water), and asked her to marry him by showing a board with MARRY ME LISA written on it. She was overjoyed but couldn't answer cos of the water so they both had to come out to talk. So why do people these days choose the most difficult places to propose for marriage when they can just sit somewhere comfortable and do it without nearly drowning before even saying a word? Is it cos marriage itself is too suffocating? LOL nah I guess it's for the variety and excitement and it can be fun, but I honestly feel a good old-fashioned way/place will save alot of trouble and perhaps tragedy hehe. And in future, I'm sure there will be heaps of very weird places and funny ways that people would choose to propose. Imagine these places, ways and results:

At a Sushi joint: Would you like another Sushi darl? The Sushi roll comes with 'Will You Marry Me' written around the seaweed roll. She eats it without noticing it at all.

While jogging: It would be great for us to be husband and wife and 'run' for life together?

At the Cinemas: Swt Hrt I was thinking about marriage cos now it makes me realise not everything in life is a movie (rolling eyes...).

While bungee-jumping: heyy honey I'm falling at such a scary speed that even marriage seems sane right now, so will you marry me? ahhhhhhhhh...hhhh...hhh...hh..h ye e e eeeeee sss!

At the beach: The ocean is so peaceful and it makes me wonder why I miss some mess in my life...darling will you be that mess in my life?

While driving: Swt Hrt look at that speed cameras, see what it is saying to you...speed and get caught, likewise shall we get married and get wasted?

In the mall: Things are way too expensive these days, I'd rather get married and share the costs, so what do you think honey?

In the Laundry: Sending a txt msg...'I really don't like wasting my time here anymore and would like someone else to do all this for me - Will You Marry Me my sweet baby washing machine'?

On the dance floor: You move real good, that makes me wonder if we should 'move' in together?

At the Doctor's surgery: I feel terribly sick today and I guess it's a suitable state to pop that sick question...Will you marry me Suga?

At the supermarket: I need someone to clean my fridge before I buy anymore stuff...hmmmm...marry me pleeeeeeeeeze and let me shop again, I mean live again?

While flying: Darling we are so high above the ground that I feel this is where we should make that big decision...cos if you say No, then I could ask that cute air-hostess out.

While having Dinner: As she finishes eating she realises the plate reads 'Will you cook for me for life?'.

At a funeral: This funeral is freaking me out. I could be dead anytime and I don't wanna die not knowing what it is to have a clueless man in my life. Wanna be that man?

At a Christmas party: Sweet Heart, another year has passed by, we are getting older and my brain feels quite dead. Hence we should start getting wrinkled together, what say?

After being told NO so many times before, the guy asks again: Marry me Bitch or I'll stalk you all your life with this rotten question!

Do you know of any weird ways/places that people proposed at? And how will YOU pop the question? :)

Current Music: I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder

The SEXth Sense

Imagine having no clue about sex and that you are about to experience your first sexual encounter. That would be really tough ha? Here are some funnies (well some pretty bad ones) from Keshi's imagination.

The girl asks the boy to take off his clothes. And he says 'Ok darl I will be back in 2mins' and he goes to the bathroom to take em off. (She books him in for a Cranium re-fill)

Girl moves slowly towards the guy to kiss him and he moves away from her. She asks why to which he says 'Kind of nervous to ask you this but are you ready for kids'. (She looks around for a gun)

Guy tries to unbutton girl's shirt and she goes 'What the hell are you doing cos my momma always told me to unbutton my shirt myself, so keep off Mr.Whoeva-u-r!'. (He wishes for a sudden death)

Girl awaits half-naked for the guy to approach her and give her a kiss. Lo and behold he's reading Readers' Digest. (Ladies, now is he needed in this world at all?)

Girl and guy sits on the bed wanting something to happen but nothing happens. The girl says 'Kiss me creep'...and he says 'You called me a creep, I'm telling on you'. (o that Kindy charm!)

Girl slowly runs her fingers on the guy's back and he starts running around the room saying how ticklish he is and laughing like a maniac. (She dials the Mortuary)

Guy touches girl's waist and she faints in shock. (Hope she stays fainted forever)

Girl and guy kisses passionately and then the guy suddenly says 'OMG I CAN do it like they do it in the movies! And the next step would be to romp the bed yes yes yesss!'. (Would there be a next step?)

The girl says that they need to practise 'safe' sex to which the guy says 'I know...don't worry swt hrt, there's tight security in this block'. (oh ok then!)

Girl comes out in sexy lingerie and he goes 'wow are you on your way to work or something?'. (No idiot, I'm about to hang you)

Guy says 'I like talking dirty so can you say something dirty' to which she goes 'you do stink real bad, is that a good start to this dirty game?'. (She couldn't get any dirtier could she now?)

Girl reveals to the guy about her food fetish. So he waits for her at the supermaket's Pasta aisle with a blanket and a romantic CD. (hey George you can wait there forever)

Girl wants to role-play waitress and customer. He says 'why don't we go to the restaurant down the street and watch the waiters there?'. (He can go there but please don't come back)

Guy blindfolds girl and she goes 'Don't be shy honey you can undress in front of me'. (He blindfolds himself and leaves).

Girl gives the guy a whip and he goes 'I don't wanna hurt ya, cos I might get in trouble with the Police??'. (She whips him to death).

Guy kisses girl all over and she goes 'OMG I might be pregnant already!'. (He cries)

Girl tells the guy to make her feel good and he goes and plays the song 'I feel good'. (lame I know, lol!)

The girl is waiting for the guy to arrive and he comes quite late with a huge copy of Kama Sutra. (She kills him with the book).

Guy says to the girl 'I've been waiting a very long time for this moment, are you ready for this suga?'. And she goes 'I practised it alot but he wasn't so good, I hope you're better'....
(uh oh!)



So how good is your SEXth sense? btw you too can create your own funnies and add to this post. Looking forward to reading em :).

Current Music: I Wanna Hold Your Hand by The Beatles

Humanity Is Better

Some people think the world revolves around them. Some think that the race and country they were born into are superior than the rest. Some people are so narrow-minded that they glorify their own blood and demean others'. Some people mock others just cos they grew up different. Some people try to control others and make them into something that they are not. Some people imagine that they know everything about another person when in real they don't have a clue. Some people take another's Right into their hands. Some people diss others just cos they don't know what respect and indivduality are. Some people are evidently racist without even realising that themselves. Some people claim they know what Love and Peace are when they can't even see past the differences in their own friends. Some people think that they are the best thing that ever happened to this world that that thought itself proves they are not. Love of your country and your race should lead to accepting everyone else in this world as equal. Else you are not respecting your own soil. Don't let too much Patriotism blind you from being human.

Have a good weekend guys!

Current Music: Civil War by Guns N Roses

Just An Item

Here's a fun post guys. Ready? ok. If you were a household item, what would you be and why? Now I know it's a silly question LOL, but c'mon let's just have some fun ok. You can be any item in the house, be it a fridge, door, cake-maker, curtain, blow-dryer, bed etc etc. So think think think and tell me the reason why too. Here's my answer:

I will be the Stereo. I love music and dancing. Basically I cannot live without it. So I'd love to be able to give music to others and I wanna see people dancing/relaxing/thinking/kissing/smiling because of what I provide - sweet sounds of music. And you can turn me on whenever you want oh oh oh oh :). And now the biggest reason why I wanna be the Stereo? Cos then I can have Robbie Williams playing all over me ooo lala ;-). gawwwd I love that guy.

Ok crank it up guys!


Current Music: Radio by Robbie Williams

Current Music Update 1: Living Next Door To Alice by Smokie

Current Music Update 2: Atomic by Blondie

Ooops I Did It Again!

I guess by now all of you would have seen Britney Spears' heavily public (I'm glad I spelt that word right jeeez!) private parts that's all over the net (sorry I cant put those pics up here - I'm not that crazy damnit!). Isnt it just shockingly disgusting how low some people can stoop to just for fame/money? I don't know if Britney did that deliberately but it's really sad that her momma didn't teach her to wear undies. I'm not a fan of Britney but she did have some self-respect left in her before she met that LOSER (epitome of crap there ever was) Kevin Federline. Just what kind of utter rubbish is that guy! I mean how can he father kids when he himself hasn't got a brain older than just 2months perhaps? Where do girls find men like this? At the tip? Yeah I know Britney is no brainiac either but she surely could have done better than that?? And they made a sex tape together? LMAO! What do they do all this for? Just in case they forgot how they did it the last time? Some people are born to make an ass of themselves.

TomKat. At the beginning I found them cute but later that feeling died cos they were way too public it was claustrophobic. And what's with their secret wedding that almost looked like a funeral in the rain? And if they spent few millions on the wedding, couldn't Katie have done her hair atleast? It looked like she was just at home baking a cake. Apparently her under-garments for the wedding cost some thousands of dollars. What for? Does Tom want to see dollars all over her body? And I think Tom is seriously losing it with all that Scientology crap (pardon my ignorance, that is if you think so) cos apparently Scientology 'wedding' vows include promising never to go to bed without talking about any differences. So did they talk about it before they went to bed and before they made their baby, and that was way before the 'wedding' HELLO! And I thought he jumped around only on Oprah's Couch (rolling eyes...) anyways you think I'm surprised!

Nicole and Keith...ok there's true love there perhaps. But what's with these pre-nups? If there's love why are these celebrities so in doubt that they have to sign pre-nups with dollars written all over? Is that what love is about or is that what usual business is like in Tinsel Town? It's expecting disaster so being ready for it, and that's ok...but that preparation is all based on assets and by signing off a pre-nup, why? Is that what it all amounts to? Then why spend so much money and have a wedding at all? Just for showing-off? I see no point. As much as I like Nicole, I hate to say that I think she was desperate and was competing with Tom for love. Love is not written in some pre-nup and hell na it's not a competition. btw Keith is already in rehab I hear.


Anna Nicole Smith. Just her name will do.


Brangelina...not a bad couple at all. I like them cos they are truly doing some good by adopting kids and all that jazz. If there's that kinda money then why not ha. And don't be surprised, I don't have a crush on Brad at all. I don't find him that attractive so Angelina you have nothing to worry about hun ;-).


Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. I knew that they were heading for disaster when they made their married life public through that TV show Newly Weds. Who in the right mind will show their private life on TV? How shallow and stupid is that. Is it just cos they were celebrities and they could easily get air-time? How cheap. I just think Jessica is a spoilt-brat with alot of time on her hand, and I really don't think her boots were made for walking...rather crawling, especially with her not-so-original music anyways. Atleast Nick's making some good music.


Paris Hilton. A serial offender. I think this girl needs serious mental health care. She's pretty and rich, and hell na I'm not jealous. Cos that's not what it takes to make it. I don't know if she really did sleep with that many men but where will it all end? The amount of cat-fights, driving offenses, sleazy men etc that she's linked with makes me wanna puke. If a girl can have that many BFs, is there anything left in her to share with the man she'll truly fall in love with some day (if she knows what Love is that is)? Can a girl be that stupid? I picture her in her 50s looking 95 and running behind plastic surgeons to keep her sane. Does she have parents at all? And WTH is she doing to that burger, as if she ever eats!


Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney. WTF is wrong with that bickering female cat? Pardon my language but if you don't like the man, just get the divorce and leave. Why talk crap about him in public? Some women think that as they get out of a marraige that it's best to leave after ruining a man's image. But who's degrading who here? Heather is doing that to her own self! Cos if she is a woman with some self-respect and grace, she'd just leave than talk crap about the man she lived with for so long and had a child with. After all they did share some love before didn't they. If she was physically abused by him why did she wait for a divorce to realise that it's not right and to make it public? Some women are so desperate for attention!

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. Filed for divorce after 4 months. Irreconcilable differences? And they are? Dolly-kinda boobs must have gotten claustrophobic after 4months of just KID-ding around.


Current Music: Fame by Irene Cara

LOVE km/h

Have you loved someone so much that that love has no boundaries? Would you do anything for someone you love? Or what would be your limit? Have you felt that very love fill in all the empty spaces between you 2, no matter how far apart you may be from each other? You may be away from each other just during work hours, may be you 2 are in different cities, different countries or may be that person you love so much is not in this world anymore. But have you felt that love bridging the distance, the gap? That love is so strong that no hours, kilometers or even death can separate you from the other person? That all you have to do is close your eyes and think of them and they are right there with you. I have felt that love and I feel blessed for feeling it. My dad is worlds away from me but he's right next to me when I need him. The love he left with me builds me an instant stairway to heaven and he's already with me. And you bloggers are physically so far away from me but I can just feel your love and you're all right next to me...it's just amazing! I don't need to fly over to your places to see you, cos you're already with me, keeping me warm night and day. Isn't that the best thing you could ever feel. And guys I don't even have to speed ;-) Now who do you share that kind of amazing bond with? That kind of love that don't require a car/aeroplane to get you close to that person?

Current Music: When I Need You by Leo Sayer

Unopened Gifts

Tis the season for joy, fun and love. Today is the 1st Of December and Christmas is around the corner. We put the tree up at home 2 weeks ago. I love Christmas cos I grew up with it both at school and at home. Though I come from a Hindu and Buddhist family, Christmas was, is and will always be a big part of my life. I went to a Methodist school and my parents loved every bit about this season. So all that and my undying love for Christmas contributed to this early post about Christmas songs and gifts. I sang/sing in many choirs both in school and at prayer centres as part of the annual Christmas functions. (Yes Keshi can sing hehe and sometimes I sing in public all by myself too ooo lala!). Here are my favorite Christmas songs/carols:


White Christmas by Bing Crosby
Last Christmas by WHAM
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland
Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley
Jingle Bell Rock by Brenda Lee
Mary's Boy Child by BoneyM
O Holy Night by Mariah Carey
Silent Night by Frank Sinatra
Winter Wonderland by Tony Bennett
All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey
Do They Know It's Christmas by Band Aid


And many more beautiful songs. Right now the shopping centres are decorated with Xmas trees and all that glitter. And the songs played fills my heart with joy. I think this is the only season that gets the whole world together. That's why I love Christmas so much. It's also about giving and caring. It reminds us about Love and laughter. The spirit of the season is to fill your heart with joy...not only in December, but always. I donate clothes and gifts to The Smith Family and The Salvation Army every year. Not to satisfy my soul. But to put a smile on someone else's face during this season. There are so many kids around the world who don't have a Christmas tree with presents underneath it at their homes. There are some others who are in hospices awaiting death. Reminds me of my Christmas Day mission 2yrs ago to a hospice with gifts for Cancer patients who were waiting, yeah waiting to die (read my post Glass Daffodils if interested). I will never forget those faces. This year I'm hoping to go to Westmead Children's Hospital (hoping and praying I'd get this marvellous experience in life again). Let the kids realise that Santa could be a girl too hehe. There are so many unopened gifts in all of us that need to be opened and shared. The gifts of love and compassion. The ability to see beyond ourselves and our families. That's the real Christmas gift one can ever have, give and receive. Tap in to your souls and find those unopened gifts this year.

So people, this Christmas will it be different? Apart from giving gifts to each other in your family, how about giving the gift of love to someone who really needs it? Grasp the beauty of reaching out to someone who truly needs the blessing of Christmas more than you and I do. We give little gifts to each other but all some people need is the gift of a smile, a touch and maybe even the gift of life. And they don't have to be strangers...maybe someone in your own family needs your love more than you know. So go out there and light up someone else's lonely Christmas this year. That'll be the best Christmas you'd ever know.

I'd like to know your favorite Christmas songs (/carols) too. So please don't forget to list them down :). And oh I nearly forgot...Shahrukh Khan is in Sydney fliming 'Chak De'...so I might hop into the Olympic Park stadium sometime before the end of the weekend just to get a glance of the guy who mesmerised me with all his charm and all that great acting ;-). I hope he looks my way LOL! If I get to go there, I'll take photos for sure. Have a good one guys!


Current Music: O Holy Night by Mariah Carey

Scary Movie 5

Genre:Drama (rolling eyes...)

I was watching a horror movie last night. It was truly frightening, gave me big fat goosebumps and I was having my pillow over my face for 3/4 of the movie. I was muttering 'wuttttt oh nooooooooo someone help meeeeee before I start running down the streets in my pyjamas' etc etc etc. Screamed the whole time, at one point I fainted and woke up immediately with a big smile - yes with a smile, out of cruel fear that is. Well anyways, this is the story:

Ishek is a young woman who lives and works in the city. All her life she was perfect and wanted to have everything perfect in future too. She does quite well in school, brilliant in Uni, superb at work and had a couple of cool romances too. But right now she is single and didn't mind that much cos she is a very independent woman, bearing it all in style. But one day she sits alone in her room and thinks to herself about her life. She lost her father in her teens, she isn't lucky in love at all, 2 of her best friends have gone to far away lands, she didn't feel all that peaceful as she used to feel etc etc. And then there were these 'muhahaha' kind of voices always asking her 'Ishek why arent you married and not making babies by now?'. And there were others who looked at her like she was a failure cos everytime she went out they tried to find her a boyfriend. Then there were men who looked at her like she was some object and nothing else. And there was Ishek who fought all of those battles and tried so hard to stay cool and calm in the middle of a humungous thunderstorm. She looked at herself in the mirror and she saw this scary monster staring back at her. It was so ugly and so frightening. It was a monster of expectations. A monster of perfectionism. A monster of time. A monster of many others. A monster of a programmed life. A monster of societal pressures. She sat there screaming so loud cos she felt so frightened by what she has become. A monster of so many external expectations have overtaken her life and is trying to swallow her completely. She then realised that she had to trim those expectations before it's too late...in fact get rid of the ones that shadow her true self and live the life she was really born to live. And then she smiles, finally! Read 'Ishek' from the end to the beginning. What do you get?

I so hope that this movie has a part-6 with a monster-less storyline and that I can watch it with some pop-corn, coke and without having to run down the street in my night shorts going 'Can someone kill me now' :).

Current Music: Gloria by Laura Branigan

On Life Support

Have You Ever...
walked the streets of a loveless town
felt the warmth of those invisible tears
touched the hands of someone dying
thought what this world would be like without you in it
felt the need to run away and hide from all this fake
closed your eyes and felt peace in the dark
felt so lonely that you made friends with a bird

realised you're not needed all that much
wanted to end it all so you can just stop trudging along
reached out to someone that your life felt worthwhile
wondered what you're really looking for
known what it is to lose your soul
felt that life is just a passing destination
wanted to die before your time?

I have.

Current Music: Supreme by Robbie Williams

Dawn Breaks

Ok I broke his heart. Right after he broke my heart. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't in love with him in the first place for him to break my heart. Neither was it the fact that he is engaged that broke my heart. But what broke my heart was the revelation of his motives behind all this Love talk. Yes Homo_Escapeons and many others here were spot on about him (from last post's comments). After alot of questions about him and his fiance today, I got to see the real face of his heart. This is what he told me today: 'I just want one last fling before I get married'. How's that for a guy who has just committed into a relationship with his woman who he claims he truly loves? I'm not angry with him cos I have no reason to be. I did not blast him either cos I can never do that to someone this honest LOL (atleast he was honest to me from the beginning), so I just told him in a cool and pleasant way that I'm not that kind of girl and that if he truly loves his GF he should be faithful to her. I guess he got my message and he was very abrupt with his answer...he said' 'Yes I totally understand that'. But I'm not too sure if he does. Cos if he did understand that in the first place, he wouldn't have asked me to have a fling with him, would he now! By doing that he was already being unfaithful to her.

Boys will be boys ha? Though I replied to him with some courteousness and I will still talk to him as a friend, I really feel bad for his girl and I have in some small way lost a bit more faith in men. What about that girl who will marry him now and perhaps get cheated for the rest of her life? Is honesty such a lonely word? Why do most men lie often? Why is it so hard to be faithful? Why all this love talk when all they mean is SEX? So why cant men just say 'I want your boobs/ass' instead of 'I love you'? What a waste of time! What has Love got to do with this anyway?? Sorry gentlemen I'm truly disgusted. Right now I wanna sit in a corner and pray. Not for me...for her.

Current Music: What's Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner

Perfect Illusion

NEWSFLASH: A guy who works with me but has never seen me in person in is love with me . duhhh!

There's this guy who has worked with me for over a year now. He and I just communicate via email only for work purposes. We have never seen each other and have never talked on a personal level even through emails. But last week he just asked me casually if I'm following the Ashes series (Cricket) and we got on to a nice friendly conversation. And then we got really comfy with each other cos he is a true gentleman and a lovely person, and I guess he found the same qualities in me. Then we wanted to see each other so we exchanged photos (after 1 whole year of not knowing how we looked like!). Girls let me tell you, he's a cute HUNK - my jaw dropped at seeing his pic hahaha! Dark-brown hair, tall and slim and very attractive eyes. I was like WTH was I doing one whole year not checking him out :):). And then we talked more - but only as friends. This conversation went on only for few hours and he's in love with me LOL! And this morning he emailed me asking me if I had a BF. And I said No to which he said that he's got a 'small' problem...that he's engaged to be married and that he's sorry if he lead me on. Guys now is that a small problem? LOL I think not. I said it's ok cos we are just friends. But he says he has strong feelings for me and that he and I would have made a great couple. HUH! I only talked with him as a friend for just one day and he's already changing diapers of our future kids?? OMG we can fall in love so easily :). So what about that poor girl who's to be married to him soon? I'm not a marriage-breaker so I wished them both well, and I told him that we have to be friends and there's no other way. He's sad now. I find it confusing. This is just attraction I guess but yeah maybe if he wasn't engaged I'd have taken it further, who knows. He said that he finds me really interesting, attractive and that I'm a really cool girl. That he hasn't come across someone like me before. Sounds all pinned up? I dunno. I'm lost. But I can't imagine being engaged and falling for another person in one day hehe. When you're engaged, you are apparently totally in love with each other, right? So how come he's like this towards me? To be honest, he's a decent guy and I know he's not just trying to get into my pants and I know he's not joking about his feelings for me. And guys I'm also a bit disappointed with my love-life cos each time I really like someone and hope for some spark in my life, he ends up being engaged or married or what-not! There are so many people around me but it is very rare that you can strike up a good conversation with someone and really be attracted to each other. So yeah, I'm a bit tired of being told 'I'm taken' after being shaken hehe. If I'm so interesting, so great to be with, beautiful, lovable etc etc how come I'm always on the run...on the run in the race of love without ever reaching that finish line? Perfect illusion it seems like.

Btw if this was the man engaged to me, I'd have dumped him then and there and through email, LOL!

So guys have you experienced something like this? Have you had feelings for someone else while you're in a committed relationship with another? Could this really be love? If not WTH is it? It could be lust but we didn't even meet to be on a lust-fest already. Is love an illusion that can come into reality only for a while and more than once?

Current Music: Heaven Help My Heart by Tina Arena

Stay With Me

You have become my strength when all is lost...my peace of mind when no one understands me...my resting place when I wanna stop and renew...the candle that burns day and night in my darkest moments...shoulder to cry on when everyone has left...that sweet sweet smile on my face everyday. I long for you my dear, for you have become the only magic of my life. Thanks my blogger mates...it's you who keep me alive.

Just wanted to stop and say how much I aprreciate all of your presence in my rather chaotic life. Without you, I'd have nothing. And it's you who reminds me how to dance again and it's you who make me forget my blues. I just can't get you outta my head hunnies :-). This may not be forever but I hope we'll stay this way for a very long time. THANK YOU my truest friends!

It's the weekend and guys I wanna play a little game. Just tell me this. If there's anything you want from me, what would it be? Ok I'll give you a clue to this game. I asked this question from a friend and he said 'I want one whole day with you alone'...yeah right buddy! And I asked another friend and she told me this - 'Keshi I wanna be able to watch you from afar when you're trying to hit on a hunk'. Yeah she knows how desperate I can get (rolling eyes!). And another friend said 'I want your style'...woohoo I'm not complaining there LOL! So yeah, that's the sort of thing I'm asking about. And after your answer, I will ask for something I want from you too. It's just a game so don't be too serious and say 'I don't want anything from you Keshi' duhhh...let's just have fun :). ok shoot and hey have a good one!

This beautiful song is dedicated to all of you.

Current Music: Please Stay by Kylie Minogue

Handle With Care

We have been given the ability to think, say and do things in this life. So when we think, we give birth to thoughts. When we say, we give birth to words. When we do, we give birth to deeds. Thoughts, words and deeds make our lives and others' lives. What we think can lead to words and then actions. And those words and actions can either make or break a person. They can make someone else feel really loved or downright hurt. Yes, they all eventually lead to the feelings you give birth to in others. Isn't that amazing! So when you say or do something, you create feelings in another and those feelings can really stay in them for a very long time.The words and actions have such great power. I personally feel a slap is bearable than a very harsh word (I can hear alot of slaps landing on my cheek - face I mean haha!). Cos the feelings that come from the memory of a mean word will remain forever embedded in my head. But the pain that comes from a slap goes away the next day. I rememeber so many very harsh words few dear ones have yelled at me with, and when I think of them even today it hurts me. So powerful those little words are! I also remember a slap but it don't hurt anymore - not as much as those words do. So yeah, it's very important to choose and use your words (and actions) carefully. Cos how you make someone feel will always remain in them. When did you last say a mean word to someone? I can't remember. I think that's a good sign :) Have a happy day folks!

Current Music: Careless Whipser by Wham

One Way Ticket

Heyy guys how's it going? Hope all is well with all of you. Recently I came across a dear blogger mate's post regarding WHAT-IFs. You know, wondering what if he did this that way or that this way etc etc. We all think of this kind of thing every now and then. I have so many What-Ifs too. I mean my life would have been very different then. But would it be any better than what it is right now? I really can't tell that can I? It would have been better or even worse! And who knows what I will be thinking then? I probably would be thinking the same What-Ifs :). So yeah, what I wanted to say is that though we can't totally avoid thinking about the What-Ifs in life, there's really no point in worrying about such things or thinking that you'd be better off if you did that than this etc. Cos we can never go back in time and change that. What we have right now is what we were supposed to have. That's how I think of it. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? it's something like that. Yes we may be on a different path if we made a different choice, but even then we would be wondering about the other path that we didn't take. Life is all about choices and you can only make one choice at a time. That's what's been given to us and I like to think that where we are right now is where we are supposed to be. Life's choices are like a one-way ticket. Once we make the choice to go on a certain path (in any situation), we are travelling down that path and there's no way we can come back. Even if we choose to take a different path after a while, we have already travelled that previous path. So all I can say is enjoy the ride and grasp the beauty of that trip. Never regret the path you took cos it's part of your learning process and it's where your instincts took you. So even though that path may not turn out to be the best or the most beautiful, the ticket was purchased and you're on your way...so you might as well make it beautiful yourself and learn what it tries to teach you.

Having said all that, right now I feel like buying a one-way ticket to nowhere hehe. Would be nice to go on a trip that I don't have to return from, somewhere far away, away from all the mundane stuff, somewhere where I don't have to worry about waking up to routine or where I'm not treated like a blown-up bimbo. Yeah I'd like to go where there's no heartache...where I'd be alone on a ride to nowhere...going without an aim...going without a specific destination...and I'd stop at heartbreak hotel for a while...and then I'd continue...and I hope I don't forget to take my notebook so I can tell you all about it ;-) yeah blogging is a must even on the moon. Stay gold guys!

Current Music: One Way Ticket by Eruption

Turn Me On

Icecreams can kill a guy. That was my weekend revelation. Well I was out on Friday night having dinner with some close friends and cousins. An old friend of our's is here in Sydney for 2 weeks (all the way from London) and so we took her out on Friday night for dinner and some quality time around the harbour. Dinner at this very popular lovely Malaysian restaurant in the heart of the city was lovely and then we wanted to hit the nightclubs, just for some innocent dancing you know ;-). Guess what? They asked us for our IDs (LOL do we look less than 18 or what?), so we showed it to them and then just cos this friend from London didn't have an ID with her, we couldn't get in at all. Bummer! Cos it was the Schoolies' week and so we were all out of luck that night. Nevermind. So we headed off to the Icecream shop and bought few of the biggest scoops and walked around the harbour eating em. That was nice but one guy who was with us couldn't take it anymore. Cos he said just watching us girls licking all that icecream made him wanna melt right there ahaa! What is it with you guys? Is a girl licking an icecream an extremely sexually-arousing act that you get traumatised in your pants? haha! Well anyways, he was alright as we walked well ahead of him not wanting him to faint right into the water by the side. And then we drove back home cos it was getting close to 1am.

If licking an icecream turns you on, I'd avoid having an icecream with you for sure ok. Let's see what turns me on now. One thing that turns me on is when a guy smokes. I don't know what it is and I don't like smokers (with that unbearable breath and yellow teeth sometimes), but something about that act turns me on. And when a guy is really busy, working hard not realising that I'm watching him - that kinda turns me on too ;-). And a slow movement is really inviting. You know...a tender and slow touch, ooo lala! And songs turn me on big time - songs such as 'I'll make love to you' or 'A girl like you' are HOT numbers. Good music is my biggest turn on. I have a friend who gets turned on by watching his girl cook hehe. And I have another friend who gets turned on by watching a guy drinking something. Now I can understand that ahemmmm! So what turns you on guys and girls? Be free to say whatever you want. Righteo it's Monday and I so wanna be turned on phewww!

(btw these pics were taken before I left to work this morning LOL! So now you know what sort of a crazy girl I am and why mum says I'll miss the train. I hope you're not getting tired of my face and I hope you don't think I'm such a showoff which I am anyways haha! Just that I'm bored with the FOTOSEARCH pics for a while hehe. KK cmon mate I'm smiling here :):))

Current Music: Slow Hand by Pointer Sisters

Current Music Update: Buttons by Pussy Cat Dolls

A Complete Story

Do we ever become complete at some point in our lives based on what we have achieved and who we have met? Or are we complete as we are right now, with all the imperfections included. I think Im complete as I am right now - along with all my flaws, mistakes, unfulfilled dreams, and yes even with my single status. What makes me write this post? Well a friend of my mum recently told me this - Keshi you won't be complete without a man. I was terribly shocked by what she said and was thinking if I could really be hearing such a thing and standing there not digging a hole and disappearing. Not because I agreed with what she said but because I thought it was a really stupid statement and that even an ounce of my cranium should not be wasted at attempting to explain my views to her. But she's my mum's friend and she has a very conservative Indian background. I can't expect much more than that from such a person so all I said was 'Aunty dear (I felt like making it 'Dear Agon-ising Aunt'), I don't really think I need a man to validate my Complete status, neither do I need a man to add value to my self-worth. I don't need to live upto society's expectations and I like to do things my way, even though the the entire world may try to stop me (that's me standing at a No-Dogs area going well against the so-called rules). I'm complete as I am right now and I'm very happy with myself okkk'. She wasn't happy with that but do I care...cos I feel complete.

In my life so far I have achieved many a dreams, done well in studies and work, been a good daughter to my parents, haven't killed anyone (not yet), have lost sleep over few men, kissed a coupla hunks (who later became toads), gave my 100% to some people who crossed paths with me, made a huge bunch of friends from my blog (yeah you sweeties), laughed too much, cried more, partied hard, been stupid many a times, hassled people with my annoying habits, lost many loved-ones, even walked down a highway last Sat looking really lost, had great many disappointments, told some people off, learnt to accept defeat, got very close to death and have known life is never complete without being incomplete...that's just my way and that's complete to me. Well this may not be the picture-perfect life that some girls' lives turn out to be, but I think this is what my Perfect is and what I have been given. I know I haven't been given much in this life - I lost my dad too early, never found a man who could honeslty love me back, haven't got a shoulder to cry on when I really need to, get walked all over all the time, have hidden heartaches that no doctor can cure, there's 'something' that might kill me some day etc etc. But who has everything in life? So yeah, I can wallow in self-pity and cry for what I don't have but then I'd be wasting the time I have right now. I wanna make this moment go unwasted and live it to the fullest. That makes my life complete.

Everyone has their own definition of what Complete is. Mine goes like this...I'm complete cos I know who I am and I know what I want in life...even though I can't have everything I want in life, even though I have a thousand flaws, even though all my dreams may never come true, I am complete because I was, am and will be me always. As long as I haven't lost my original soul to material needs and societal pressures, I have all of me in me, and for that reason I'm complete. No one and nothing but only I shall define me.

How would a small path look like if it didn't have any wildflowers on the side? If not for the wildflowers that grow without any special care or need to be appreciated and looked at, we would never have known how beautiful a walk down that path would be. I'm happy for the wildflower that I am and maybe from my very 'imperfect' life, others can get some pleasure and grasp some lessons, and that'll do folks. I'm not a well looked-after commercial Tulip, I will never be sold in exchange of someone else's needs, therefore I'm complete in the eyes of nature. So what's your definition of Complete?

I'd like to finish this post with a song that Belinda Emmett (see previous post) wrote and sang while she was fighting Cancer. This song was released today on the eve of her funeral. Have a read of the lyrics. It's called LESS THAN PERFECT.

Looked into the cards

My fate amongst the spread

Following my stars

And analysing what's been said

Been writing down my dreams

Which later I'd dissect

Just trying to find some meaning in this life

Less than perfect

This life less than perfect

Looking for a signal

A sign amongst the throng

A glance into my past

To see where I went wrong

Been writing down my feelings

Which I fiercely protect

Just trying to find some meaning in this life

Less than perfect

This life less than perfect

Have you ever wondered

What it would be like

To be somebody else

With their perfect, perfect life?

But it's mine to carry

Mine to own

And it's not so scary

To carry it alone

And the wonder of it all

Sometimes it's hard to see

Sometimes I wanna crawl away

And go to sleep

In this life less than perfect

Have you ever wondered

What it would be like

To be somebody else

With their perfect, perfect life?

But it's mine to carry

Mine to own

And it's not so scary

To carry it alone

So here I am with my

Less than perfect life

Here I stand with my

Less than perfect life

Less than perfect life

Less than perfect life.

Have a good one guys and don't let anyone cramp your style. hooroo!

Current Music: My Way by Robbie Williams

The Battle

Is losing a hard long fight always a bad thing? I think if you fought the battle with all your heart and strength, then whether you eventually win it or not, you're a winner already. My heart goes out to Belinda Emmett (former 'Home and Away' star and wife of Rove McManus of 'Rove Live'), a 32yr old Aussie actress who died on Sat after a long battle with Cancer. I don't like it when newspapers have titles that read 'Belinda loses battle with Cancer' etc. Cos she did not lose, neither is she a loser. She had an incurable disease so how can you expect the girl to win? No one can. Not even the doctors can help certain patients so we cannot really term it as 'losing the battle'. I like to call it 'surrendering' or maybe 'co-operating' with the disease. Sometimes in life you can't always have things your way. Then you just have to surrender or co-operate. That's what happened with Belinda. She just had to accept her fate and go with whatever plans it had for her. But she didn't go without fighting. That's what really matters. It's not in the ultimate victory where true character resides. It's in the battle. And boy o boy she did alot in that short 32 years - she was a popular actress, she touched many hearts with her beauty and kindness, she fell in love, she got married while she was fighting Cancer, but through all of that, never did she allow Cancer to get to her. That's where her victory is. In life's many other situations, it's the battle that we must concentrate on. For the end results will surely come around some day...but the battle is what you have in hand and there lies your true victory...it is in the strength and heart you put into that battle.

I still remember when I first saw Belinda on 'Home and Away'. She was a natural and she was one of the kindest human beings ever. I hate the fact that someone like her came down with a terrible illness like this and that she had to leave this world at such a tender age. This is the kind of thing that amazes me about life. People are just here only for a while...some for a very short while...and then we go and hurt each other. It's just a big waste of time guys! Last Sat was not such a great day for me. I was having a crappy useless argument in the car with someone close and I wanted to be dropped off then and there, rather than having to put up with that kind of shit. I can be pretty stubborn and if someone don't treat me with respect and that too for no fault of mine, I switch off totally and I want to be left alone. So after being dropped off instantly on the highway as I asked to, I walked down that road with alot of drivers passing me by, giving me strange looks and some men even whistling at me cos it was a strange place for a girl like me to be walking. I felt weird and then rang up a Taxi and asked them to pick me up from the 'nowhere' I was at. I went home shortly after that and heard about Belinda's death on TV, and I was thinking that she would have been breathing her last breaths when all of that shit was happening to me. What a sad life we live and this is mockery at it's best. While some are dying unfair deaths, others are scowling at each other over trivial matters. I wanna be a better person and I think I am already a good person in some ways. But I don't understand why people walk all over me. Maybe cos I allow them to walk all over me. I tried and I tried and I tried...but I can never get some people in my life to appreciate me. It's a battle on it's own and even if I don't win it in the end, I know I tried my best to be loved. And the most important thing is that I appreciated and loved everyone who came across my life and I gave them the respect they deserve no matter what.

With Belinda on my mind, I wanted to say this to all of you. Treat your loved-ones with love and respect - mother, father, sister, brother, friend, neighbor....they are not just labels. They are hearts beating every second, wanting your love and appreciation. If you want love and respect, treat others the same way. You've got to give a little in order to get a little. And battles need to be fought, not necessarily won. We are all fighting many kinds of battles each day...and what matters is that we are fighting without giving up. And when the time is right, it's ok to surrender and that's not losing. It's accepting your fate. And if someone don't appreciate you the way you want them to, then just surrender. Just let it be and do your thing as usual. Never stop appreciating and loving others.

Have you ever cried for a total stranger? I have many times before and now for Belinda. I'll make it upto her...I won't let a single day pass me by without having fun and showing people I care. May Belinda's soul rest in peace! She died being her, giving her 100%. And that's a sure winner.

I dedicate today's music to Belinda's beautiful soul.

UPDATE: I have updated current music with a video tribute to Belinda that has been done by a youTuber. It captures many memorable moments of Belinda's life and is done with the song Angel by Sara McLachlan. Have a look if you have time.

Current Song: I Could Fall In Love by Selena

Current Song: youTube video - a tribute to Belinda