Keshi Sutra

Now I know I made alot of people panic and quite sad by my last post. I'm sorry about that and hey thanks for all your support, I'm feeling great today (doesn't mean I've solved all my problems but I'm still alive right hehe). To make up for it, here I am with that post I was supposed to put up yesterday as promised to Solitaire :). Let's have some good weekend fun :). So here are 5 small questions for ya all. Simple answers will do (even one-liners) and please be honest ok.

1.Woman on top?

Now I know Solitaire had a similar question in her blog *chuckles*, but it was about 'Women on top' meaning women holding top positions at work etc. But I wanna know what you think about 'Woman on top' (assuming you know the difference duh!).

2. Who do you long to be stuck in a lift with?

3. If you could beg for just anything right now, what would it be?

4. Man on top of woman on top of man? (stop scratching your head, it's a threesom duh!)


5. What do you value more in a partner, good sex or good conversation, and why?

So go for it, don't be shy and be precise with your answers - you can't say that you want both with that last one. And if you think you are not brave enough to express your views in the open, well too bad I'm not taking that as an excuse *makes evil faces at ya*. And hey please be honest with your answers ok, thanks! The top answers for these questions will be posted here after all your entries, along with my answers ofcourse. Please note that there is a purpose behind this post (apart from being a lusty Biyatch looking for some eroticism this weekend, this post will identify the true mystery behind the ancient authors of Kama Sutra). LOL now that it sounds like a decent purpose, just go for it guys and in top form woohoo! Have a good one..will be checking your blogs soon. *MWAH*

Current Music: Touch Me by Samantha Fox

A Mock Trial

I have been 'good' all my life. Never disappointed my parents, never did drugs/alcohol, never failed my family, never went around sleeping with men, never complained of not having enough, never went after money, never forgot to smile even when I was walking on fire, rarely got anything I wanted, hardly needed anyone to survive, achieved the highest of education and career amidst zilch emotional support, paid all my debts back to viscious lenders, stood on my own two feet all the time, provided for others even as my wallet was getting lighter, kept on going strong when I was really dying inside, showed a happy face just so that others could sleep well, lived every minute on uncertainity watching my future breaking into pieces, sacrificed my youthful dreams just to BREATHE, cried secretly so no one would witness my tears, did everything I could in my life just to keep this life going 'peacefully'...and I all get in return is EMPTY. No one really cares, no one really loves...and when I really need someone, no one's around. It seems I'm the only one doing all that. I don't believe in this mockery of a life anymore...and I don't believe there's a God. Cos if He was around He woudn't make me 'feel' so much and make others around me so stone-hearted. If you still say He's there, then my life was His one big 'design' defect. I'm His mock trial. Right now in my life, things are not what they used to be...I have come to a point where emptyness is filling me to the point of absolute torment. I don't revel anymore in the person I used to be...the person who did everything to be 'someone', to be loved, yet who never felt love. I wasted all those years chasing after something I wasn't supposed to be only to wake up being a total misfit. I hate myself so much. I have lost the will to live this mockery...cos simply I have nothing more to give. I'm fading into black and at high speed too.

Current Music: Fade To Black by Metallica

Medi-dating Techniques

Keshi is a woman who just can't meditate. I mean I have tried during prayers and pujas, but every time the Meditation begins and we start focusing on the flame of a candle, breathing in and out, it starts raining shirtless-John-Abraham thoughts in my mind that beckons me to chant 'om john john john' instead of 'om shanti shanti shanti'? Or some yummy chocolate pudding stares at me straight from my mind saying 'Crave for me losa!'. Or some super sexy halter-neck top that I've seen at the mall suddenly creeps out of my mind echoing 'buy me bitch!'. So yeah how can I meditate ha? *rolling eyes*. I suddenly become aware of how shallow I am...this super-bad chick stuck in a puja, with pure beings chanting 'om om om' around her while she dreams of Californication, Mick Jagger's tongue and Bon Jovi's jeans! And I feel I'm the worse being on Earth shiiiiaiittte! Maybe I shouldn't go to these Meditation sessions ha? Atleast I'm trying, o c'mon stop being so boring. *yawwwns*

Anyways, since Meditating isn't really gonna work in my life (atleast for now), I was thinking of Medi-dating as a good option that I'd be quite comfy with (not forgetting the chipmunks I come across though). Since all my dates (a very small count btw) so far have been something like a scene from the movie '13 Ghosts' (pathetic, cheap and aimless that is), I was wondering maybe the men and women here can give me some cool tips for Medi-dating? I was chatting with Hiren in his blog recently, and we both agreed that having hot tea(/coffee) or a home-cooked meal (depends on if you can cook a decent meal without burning down the house) on a cold gloomy day at home is a very romantic idea for a date. That is sooo me, cos I'm such a homey girl...compared to going out on a date at a fancy restaurant, I'd love to stay at home and chat over coffee or a nice lil cosy meal. So, what would be your ideal place for a date, how would you spend it and what are the DOs and the DONTs? When I say DOs and DONTs, I meant dating etiquette such as brushing and flossing before you go on a date so that you don't kill your partner by Halitosis trauma if there's ever gonna be a kiss, taking a shower before you head out to avoid smelling like a skunk, being polite and opening the doors for the lady etc, if it's a restaurant date offering to go 50/50 without holding on to your wallet so tightly that'll probably lead to zilch dates in future, avoid picking your nose cos that would prolly make me wanna kill the guy on the spot using a Saucepan, DO NOT try to 'molest' your partner on the first date - instead be a gentleman/lady please and kiss or touch when the right time comes around, be a good listener as well a good chat buddy instead of practising pure silence - that'll be like a Meditation session btw!, etc etc.

So be creative and bring out the Medi-dating Guru in ya and share the eternal Bliss with me, won't ya now ;-). Looking forward to reading all your delicious, soul-cleansing and uplifting Medi-dating tips. Om Beckham Beckham Beckham! I finally attained Nirvana!

And the Flying Kissee of the day is...

a guy I so wanna go on a date with hehe. And he's none other than our darling Anuj! I don't know where he's disappeared to at the moment cos he's nowhere to be seen :*( but I know he's such a wonderful humanbeing, a true gentleman and a very loving friend (and you're right he's so far away from me duh!). We nearly had a chance of meeting in Sydney (when he was in Canberra last year for studies) but every time something came up, and in the end we never met *sob sounds follow*. He's really not happy with me about that but hey Anuj we'll meet somehow before we are too old to see each other and too deaf to hear each other ok? I promise! Anuj is such a calm and collected soul, he never shows discomfort and temper in public...all I ever see is a beautiful person just going with the flow and enjoying every bit of it. That's what I love about Anuj. He's never too quick to judge and never too afraid to speak the truth either, and he does it in style, never in bad taste. Also, he's very patient, understanding and extremely loving. I think he's one of those rare men who knows that women are supposed to be loved, not understood :). Now that is a REAL MAN! I know that Anuj will always be content wherever he is, whatever he does and whoever he's with. He'll never be in despair cos he's calm with himself to begin with...alot of people don't have that quality, including myself. I learnt that from Anuj though sometimes I still struggle with my venomous tongue hehe. Anyways, come back from your cave Anuj I miss ya man! MWACKKZ! Dija feel it? ;-) And this song is especially for ya...it's one of my fav Tamil love ballads (imagine it being played when we have our supa romantic date on the beach ok lol!) and I hope you enjoy it (find out the meaning of the lyrics cos it's really beautiful!)...it's your day. And can someone find where this guy is and bring him here please thanks!

And my mates here, I just want you all to know that my Flying Kissees are not 'chosen' in any particular order - I just pick them out randomly depending on the post topic too. So please don't think that it's in any favourites-order ok. And now please don't forget to take part in the first part of the post. Thanks and catch ya all soon! Keshi is medi-dating now shhhhhh please don't disturb...om kiss hug caress....om om Oh My God Anuj is hot!


Current Music: Bhoomikku Velicham from the Tamil movie Dishoom

For The Love Of Moments...

Hi Guys hope you are all having a good long weekend. Here are some pics from my long weekend. My lil nieces and nephews threw a Modelling, Singing and Dancing party on Sat. And there are some pics from home, shopping and of me as well (click on pics to read captions). I love capturing moments and cherishing them in my heart. Hope you'll enjoy this slideshow til I'm back with normal Blog posts. Just tell me which pic is your fav and why. btw I ate too many Easter eggs and bunnies, I'm nearly in a coma! THANKS guys and I'll catch up with all your blogs tomorrow. See yaz!

Current Music: Cherish by Kool & The Gang

When Wanting Becomes A Suffering...

DISCLAIMER: Long post ahead hence it's best you read the entire post before commenting, thanks!

You're allowed to whinge for a day or two but certainly not for decades. Only foolish people keep complaining for eternity and bore other people to death (hey that's an easy way to die - if you wanna die, go listen to a whinger!). Some people seem to repeat the same complaint and it feels like it's not going to stop before my next birthday *rolling eyes*. I'm not saying that I don't whinge...trust me I do too - big time. But luckily my brain has a section of code that goes like this:

If whinging_spree.days > 2

Kick_Keshi_Bodypart(Butt);

GetOutBeforeTurningIntoIdiot(NearlyIdiot);

Else

While (whinging_spree.days <> 2)

KeepWhinging(NearlyIdiot);

End



GetOutBeforeTurningIntoIdiot(N NearlyIdiot)

{

NearlyIdiot.Kill( )

}





Some people might understand this bit of code (if you're a techo). For Those who don't, it basically means whinging is hazarduous to self, so whinge a little if you must and then shutup and save yourself and others from your blockbuster whingy germs.

No one on this Earth is stress-free. No one has a perfect life. No one is free of something to complain about. No one is short of something in their lives. So if you have something to whine about, do it in a civil manner (a day or 2 that is), then get over it and do something to resolve the situation. If it's something that's hard to be resolved, then tough luck sista/bro, just DEAL WITH IT (btw I'm speaking with mega experience here). Sorry to sound like an annoying Bitch of a crystal-ball, but in life there are some things that we ALL can't have...things that we have to live with. This may sound cliche but it's something we really need to seriously think about. Now if you think you don't earn enough money then think about people who depend on Red Cross for their daily needs. If you whinge about not owning a house yet, then think about the homeless. If you're complaining about not having someone to call you beautiful every single day, that means you are better off than a blind person who don't even know what they themselves look like, right? If you're complaining about putting 100% into something that didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, then you're much better off than people who don't even have the means of putting 50% to make their dreams come true right? If you reckon you are doomed for not making it to the concert of your fav band cos you had the flu, then you're much better off than my 22yr old cousin brother who can't hear or speak..he's permanently deaf. If you think you lost your life cos you broke up with your GF/BF, well there are some people who live every single day dealing with the death of a loved-one. If you think your body is not perfect enough and you have to stop eating for years to look like a skeleton-in-need-of-a-steak-feast, still you're better off cos there are people out there who die from starvation. If you feel lonely cos you're single, think about some people who are stuck in unhappy marriages. If you're sad that you don't have your own children yet, think about the great many number of orphaned kids out there. Lastly, if you think your life's plans didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, then please remember that in life everything don't happen the way we plan...cos sometimes life has it's own plans for us.

You are privileged than alot of people out there who suffer daily in ways and measures that we can't even fathom. If you can open your eyes and see the world every morning, if you can hear the sweet music played on the radio, if you can touch your father's hands and smile, if you can walk to the park, if you can go to the bathroom unassisted, if you know what the Internet is, if you have food on your table, if you have enough money so that you don't have to borrow to buy your fav CD, if you went to school/uni, if you have clothes and shoes, if you have a window to look out from, if you have a door to walk through and call your home, if you have friends saying Hi to you, if you have time to sit and whinge for days, then you are quite better off compared to millions out there who don't even have the basic needs in life. But most of them seem to have one thing that these whingers don't have...the above piece of code in their brains. Strange but true! Cos they don't whinge for yonks...they just get on with it...they are not too crazy about what they can get out of life, instead they give to life.

It's one thing to share your pain with others (we all do that and it's therapeutic for us) but it's altogether another thing to keep complaining about small things for a long time. Eternal Gripe divas make me wanna shake them violently! It's very selfish and greedy to keep groaning and moaning for a long time when there's really nothing 'serious' to complain about. Why do people always WANT what others have...why cant we just be happy with what we already have. If you have a working body and a brain, a family to spend Christmas with, a roof over your head rented or owned, food on your plate and a medium like blogs/friends to vent out your feelings, then stop pressing my Puke button, stop being slaves to society and just get on with life, and with what you already have.

And the Flying Kissee of the day is....

a very dear friend who's very close to my heart and is an apt choice for the topic of this post too...and he is none other than Jeevan! Jeevan has been a wonderful friend for a very long time in Blogville and has captured my attention and my heart for the very kind-spirited and brave soul that he is. He has never been mean to anyone, never said anything to hurt a single soul and has always been a gentleman in his thoughts, words and deeds. He sets a great example to me cos you know how cranky, shallow and needy I can get sometimes hehe. Jeevan comes all the way from India, speaks Tamil and his blog represents his rich culture along with his beautiful, free and expressive heart. There is also another very special thing about Jeevan and that is that he suffers from Muscular Dystrophy, which is an illness that makes a person lose muscle strength which affects his independent mobility. Though Jeevan suffers from it, he doesn't see it as a life-sentence. He just gets on with life and deals with it very maturely. To go through something like that at a age so young...I don't think it's easy. But Jeevan shows us all how wonderful life can be if we all try to put aside the difficulties that we have been dealt with, and just concentrate on living one day at a time. To me that is a very BIG personality. And I honor and respect Jeevan for who he is, for how he copes with his demons and for how he shines brightly in the darkest pits of his tough experiences. He is a star and a great inspiration to all of us. MWACKKZ Jeevan! Dija feel it? ;-). This song is dedicated especially to your genuine and free spirit...Jeevan means LIFE in Sanskrit, so this fav Tamil song of mine fits you perfectly. Uyire means life...enjoy!

Current Music: Uyire Uyire from the Tamil movie Bombay

Searchings And Sightings!

As most of you already know, in my life Mr.Right is 'something' that never happened, never experienced, never sighted so far! It's rather like one long Hide and Seek (only the Seek never ends *rolling eyes*). So, following are few things that remind me of Mr.Right:

BigFoot: Coming across Mr.Right is as rare as a Bigfoot sighting.

Dinosaurs: Mr.Right is in total extinction, yes the invisibility of him is quite evident hello!



Boobocologists: galore! Most men I meet talk to my boobs. Mr.RightOnMyChest you mean?


UFO: Unidentified...that'll do.

Movie star: yep, that perfect guy who sweeps you off your feet exists only in the movies girls aha!

A taken seat: The very scarce Mr.Rights on this Earth are already taken...yep that's right, he's always someone else's. Booooooring! *yawns*












God: Cos everyone's talking about Him but no one's really seen Him!















Heather Mills McCartney effect: Now that she spat the dummy quite unfashionably, the remaning very scarce Mr.Rights would never come out of their hiding. Now they would run away like Most Wanted Criminals! *cries silently calling Heather an evil bitch* Thanks sista for making every woman look like Cruellla DeVille's reincarnation!


Baboons: The closest I got to a Mr.Right were a few baboons who in the end were a hinderance to my journey, arrrrgggg!

Yes it's official, Mr.Right is as rare as the White Rhino and as remote a possibility as the Zulu tribe from Africa dining with you tonight. If you wanna know the details of why my love-life is in extinction read my post at 'The Great Extinction'...and if you wanna know how I met some suckers read my post at 'How I Met Your Sucker'...and lastly, if you wanna know why I don't stand a chance at having mini Keshis around me then read my post at 'Why I'll Never Have Kids'. Those 3 old posts should make you understand this post even better hehe. Now my dear men here, please don't think I'm one callous men-hating angry biyatch ok...just that the men my sis, single cousins, single friends and I have met so far, have been rather traumatic to my system (no I aint talking about street men...these men supposedly come from good families and are very educated people ahemm!) hence these posts :). So Mr.Right (right for ME that is) seems to be a fossil. I dedicate this post posthumously to Mr.Right!

Anyways it's a long weekend this time with both Friday and Monday being public holidays yeyyyyyyy! Have a safe and enjoyable Easter break guys and hey drive safely...STOP REVIVE SURVIVE! DRINK-DRIVING IS A SERIOUS CRIME! Do I sound like a TV ad by the RTA...LOL sorry to bore ya but I always remind people to drive carefully cos whenever I spot road-side flowers laid for accident fatalities, I feel VERY sad...if we were more careful and follow road rules properly, we can save precious lives and alot of guilt and grief. Take care, enjoy and be safe guys MWAH!


Current Music: Searchin' by Young Divas

A Life Story

I was tagged by this ever-elegant sweet and caring babe Carolinagal to present The A to Zs of my life. So here I go folks, diving in!

A = Awakening. This is the biggest lesson in my life. One fateful day after my Spring was unexpectedly turned into a cold dark Winter, I woke up from my deep slumber. It opened my tightly closed eyes, cleared my heavily fogged heart, moved my sealed lips and pumped blood into my lifeless veins. That Winter brought me real Spring. This time around I live, not just exist.

B = Bonds. Something I wish I could detach from in my life, yet so hard to live with and without...

C = Confessions. My life is one big confession, but I continue to be misunderstood...yet I continue to confess as that's my life unravelling against the harsh judgement of others...

D = Dilemma. The nature of Life-stopping yet life-giving chapters of a story called Keshi. They stop me on tracks yet keep me going...

E = Engage. Engage me in you as I engage you in me...for what are we if we can't learn from each other...

F = Fall. Whenever I fell, I've fallen fully and hit rock-bottom. That has made me feel what it is to be at the pits of despair and what it takes to to climb back up again to take a peek at light...

G = Give and Get. I get what I give...I give what I get. Karma either pats or bites your back.

H = Humor. Every time I fall short of humor, I fail at surviving the wuthering heights. My sense of humor is my strongest shelter.

I = Individuality. I'm me, I'm not you. You are you, you're not me. Something I voraciously value.

J = Jeopardy. The risks that I take are proof to my life being LIVED. There's no Right/Wrong turns...only turns that you ought to take no matter what they seem like...

K = Keshigirl.blogspot.com. My life on print. A sharp turning point in my life that saved me from being swallowed by my fate...an online diary that lost me my privacy but gained me a world of friends and wisdom that has now become my Oxygen...

L = Love. The only estate that everyone would be entitled to, that I'd leave behind when I'm gone...

M = Make. I didn't always get everything ready-made in my life. I made most of them happen by myself...

N = Nature. I'm like a roaming leaf stuck on a net not knowing where my next stop would be, yet content with the present state of my being...for I'm part of nature and I don't crave for a destination.

O = Oxymoron. Pretty much what my life is...always a begining that's bound to end soon.

P = Prelude. Where my Romantic encounters tragically die a premature death.

Q = Queen. of all tragedies. Missed the bus, missed the show and ended up as Miss.Missed Out...but I'm still smiling.

R = Raindrops. Each time they fall, they tell me a story...of a long lost, aching and sad memory...a story close to my heart...

S = Setup. Somehow I feel I have been 'setup' to be here for a reason that's gonna take alot of me and a long time to find out...

T = Timeless. Time keeps ticking yet I live a timeless life...the greatest gift I've ever received is Today...and I embrace it with all my heart.

U = Unleash. Something that some of my loved-ones can never do...mangled overly in materialistic needs, they continue to suffer, that makes me quite sad.

V = Vendetta. My smirky attitude against my demons...for I'm the Master of my soul!

W = Water. Pretty much what my heart is like...no one can stop it from flowing freely. But just like water, sometimes my heart freezes and turns into ice...and then it melts and starts flowing again...

X = Xylophone. The high and low tunes of my fate laid upon my soul. A God it may be, the creator of those tunes, bet He/She is having fun conducting the orchestra of my life...

Y = Yearning. I used to long for things to happen in my life...not anymore. Now I yearn to see the bigger picture...what it is to be breathing...it's a gift in itself.

Z = Zombie. My psychological state at any given time...I just live in the moment...I capture and value fresh feelings. I don't care what people say or think about me, take me as I am or just leave.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do this tag Carolinagal...it opened certain closed doors of my soul to myself, and let me take a peek inside. It was liberating doing it, MWAH! I have also been tagged on 99 other tags (LOL!) by some of my friends here that I can't remember now :(, sorry guys! I know that Ziah and Pranay recently tagged me on a cool Blog-posts tag and I will take that up soon. But if any others here have tagged me recently and if in my careless and forgetful nature I have (unintentionally ofcourse) ignored those tags, please leave a comment here reminding me about it..thanks guys! btw, I only take up tags that really intrigue me and are interesting...so please dont be disappointed if I don't take up a certain tag...awwww HUGS! *no hard feelings now ok*.

And this last beach pic was taken by me...isn't it lovely! A sea of raging emotions...that's what my life pretty much sums up to be. Thanks guys, have a great day ahead!

Current Music: Te Busque by Nelly Furtado feat. Juanes

A Mind With A Mind

Once you have decided not to think about something ever again (say an ex-partner, dead relative, a bad experience etc), can you really remain that way? I mean can you avoid those thoughts completely, especially when you still hang around the same places, when you hear about them all the time, with or without your choice? I believe no thought is 100% locked in...meaning no thought is totally detached. Every thought is linked to another. There will be raw emotions still attached to an old relationship, a bad experience, a sad event etc, and they will be so whether you like it or not. Cos our mind is such a big place..it holds so many memories, thoughts and wounds, both new and old. You may say you have forgotten them completely and that you don't have anything to do with them ever again, but the truth is they are only words...the concrete thoughts in your mind are resting deep down only to be re-awakened without notice..only to be triggered when the right cue is met. Then you bury them again and try to move on. And the cycle repeats. Thoughts are hard to fight cos they are linked to one another. You can shove them back to the bottom of your mind, but they have a way of crawling back up again. Just like how the waves somehow keep reaching the shores...just like fresh flowers on an old grave, buried thoughts somehow resurface from the dead. You can chuck someone/something out of your mind but your mind keeps some snapshots of them for good. Trying to erase them would be like trying to get rid of red ink from a white carpet. The stains maybe removed, and now lighter in color it may be, but the shape of the stain remains. What do you do then? Nothing. Cos you're helpless when it comes to thoughts being born in your mind. It seems that the mind has a mind of it's own. Once you know, you can never un-know.

There was a time when I believed in a God who can repair my mind...I thought He(/She) could do anything...even change my mind...fix my thoughts for good. But I realised that external influences arent capable of controlling my mind no matter how 'divine' they may be. No offense to any religion/god but I think spirituality of the mind is a way of life that only you can teach yourself...it's not a God-driven carriage where you're the horse. Nothing/Nobody can get into the mind of someone else and ask it to stay put...not even yourself can do it sometimes. If there's a God, He(/She) must be laughing at my past hellbent attitude on fixing my thoughts. Cos even He/She knows it's really not that easy. Some thoughts come crashing down without you expecting them, just like thundering and lightning. And hey at other times, I'm so at peace, and my mind is clearly made up on certain things...and I'm in cloud nine cruising away. It's like I'm so in control and that it's such an easy task to do...go figure! Most of the time we are all pretending that we are in control and just going on with our daily lives when deep down we are falling apart. So...I believe that the mind is the most controllable YET the most uncontrollable thing in the world. Funny ha? Any 'thoughts' from you? :)

And the Flying Kissee of the day is....

There is this wonderful friend of mine that I have known for some time now and has become a source of inspiration to me in ways only my heart knows...and he's none other than THE ever-handsome and sweet Grunty! This special mate of mine is all the way from the USA and he can sing so very beautifully (yes I have listened to his own songs). Girls now he has a voice to drool for, not to forget the looks aha! I mean how can we not notice ;-). He is someone who just gets on with life no matter what comes his way...he has a willpower that no one can conquer...his strength and courage through his battle with Cancer at such a tender age is an enormous strength and courage also to myself. The times he was Cancer-free, the day he was diagnosed with it, the many posts he shared with us through his toughest times of Chemotherapy, the many smiles he still brings to us, his great sense of humor through all of this, is actually a wonderful unravelling of a beautiful soul that don't take a single day for granted. I don't appreciate people for nothing...I need to be touched in a way that makes me feel so brandnew, in a way that makes sense out of my being, in a way that makes life more meaningful to me...and Grunty does just that. With the hell he's going through, the tears he must cry all by himself, the fun he brings out through his posts, the love and light that he spreads through his journey is something I'd never have come across if not for his blog and his life. Grunty, you reach out to me in ways that you'll never know! MWACKKZ! Dija feel it? ;-). This song is especially for ya...it's one of my favs and I hope you like the great music in it and the meaningful lyrics...cos you're real...cos you're the only thing that makes any sense right now. Enjoy it, it's your day!

Have a good week ahead guys, will catch up with your blogs soon!


Current Music: Untouched by The Veronicas

I Do I Do I Do I Do I Don't!

There are some really revolting Dating/Matrimonial ads floating around on the net/newspaper that makes you wanna throw up to eternity. Have you seen some of those ads? Such as 'Tall dark handsome romantic guy looking for luuurve'...sounds like a puke-sappy Mills&Boon character straight out of the book urrrrrrrrrg! Here are some ads that my friends and I have come across and laughed our asses off. These are REAL ads btw. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trashing marriage proposals but if you want to get hitched, atleast get your ad right in the first place! Check them out below with my comments:

**35yr old male...looking for a pretty girl 25yrs or younger... ...

What he's really saying: If you're a girl above 25, your sexual organs don't work so don't even think about replying
Question: What's the story there ha? Are women over 25yr old not worthy of a relationship? Men are constantly looking for 'younger' women when they themselves are getting old and they don't even realise their jocks are slowly shrinking along with their ass and brains.

**I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than I. Because I love myself a lot...
What he's really saying: I'm totally self-obsessed and I'm looking for a servant
Question:Maybe he could have married himself?

**owns a house...very wealthy with assets that are worth

over..... ... ...

What he's really saying: I'm setting up for attracting a money-hungry bitch
Question: What do men think of women? That they are after money and houses? Ass-ets my ass! This guy is probably waiting for his relatives to die *rolling eyes*

**Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build a relationship...
What he's really saying: I'm a Builder
Question: If he continues 'building' after marriage, I'd have to 'demolish' him. So can he really stop 'building' for a sec arrrrrrggggg!

**Want a pretty, fair, slim, educated, homey, kind, working, smart (etc x 10000 )woman for marriage... ...What he's really saying: Looking for Wonder Woman
Question: What does he think he is, Superman? Give me a break! And what's with this fair-skin addiction with some Indians/Sri Lankans? urrrrrrrrrrg! I have come across men who are as dark as the night looking for fair brides?? Does skin color enrich a marriage?

**Caste immaterial... ... ...
What he's really saying: We still think about the Caste system
Question: What exactly is this Caste shit? I come from a family where both my mum and dad are of the highest castes (not that I give importance to it) in their respective ancestral backgrounds, but I really hate it when people mention 'caste'..it's an insult to themselves really.

** I am single i dont have female...if any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home... ...
What he's really saying: I'm so pathetic you'd have to kill me before you meet me
Question: btw does anybody know where he lives, to visit him that is? *huh*

**Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever... ...
What he's really saying: I'm an adjustable couch

Question: o forget it!

**My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife... ...

What he's really saying: So far, Mission Impossible

Question: Doesn't he have a job? Or better yet a life?

**I am simple boy...I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck...

What he's really saying: I'm about to change my luck

Question: Do some men think Marriage is a solution to their problems? Poor guy, he doesn't know that it can even add more shit to his life, especially with all those existing unsolved problems *rolling eyes*

**45yr old man...used to own a pub...lives in a big house with parents...

What he's really saying: I used to flat with a bar-maid and I'm a 45yr old momma's boy

Question: Does it matter if he 'owned' a pub? How does this contribute to a marriage/relationship? WTF!

**ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present... ...

What he's really saying: You should know by now why the company is not paying me, and I'm looking for foster care

Question: When do you plan to get a paying job Mr.Highschool Dropout? After that we will think about marriage ok!

**Recently divorced...innocent party...

What he's really saying: Don't ask anymore questions about the Divorce cos I'm oh so innocent!

Question: Is there ever a Guilty divorce? Why do people always wanna sound like a divorce happened cos of just one person's fault? I say it takes 2 hands to clap, so get over it!

**I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe...

What he's really saying: I'm a big fan of Astronomy

Question: Is he looking for a StarWars adventure? Looks like he's got alot of 'space'...hmmm nice!

**My brother is a medical doctor, my father is an engineer, my sister is a software professional, my uncle is an accountant, my aunt is a professor... ....

What he's really saying: I'm the dumbest in my family so I'm using the others to cover me up

Question: Why do people use qualifications of their relatives in matrimonial ads? It's not that all of these people are getting married along with him too, or is it!

**...to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable... ...

What he's really saying: Don't forget to turn up at my wedding and you're the bride btw!

Question: This guy fixed the wedding date already, what's with that huh? Talk about the mission and the vision urrrrrrggg! After all marriage is an institution isn't it hmmm.

**i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master...

What he's really saying: I'm confused beyond your imagination dude!

Question: What is he really? A Postman or a Tailor? When he figures that out, we'll see what we can do.

**Please send girl's horoscope... ...
What he's really saying: I'm a horror with a scope
Question: How do horoscopes decide the outcome of a marriage? My mum believes in this shit too, unfortunately (though not a fanatic), but I always thought marriage is about 2 people, not about 9 other planets!

Have a good weekend guys! Flying-Kissee posts will resume next week. MWAH ALL!

Current Music: Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley